Gunner Sykes

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noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 22:45:00 +0000

Thanks to everyone who has read and contributed to this blog.

It has been fun, but just takes up too much of my time.

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Analyzing the Palin Bashers

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 18:35:00 +0000

Recently, the denizens of the New York Post published the opinion of an anonymous "expert" as to why Sarah Palin is not getting more speaking gigs.

It is because, of course, she is a "blithering idiot."

There was a time when no reputable newspaper would publish insults from anonymous sources and be taken seriously, but those times have passed. Dolts from the MSM and the left blogosphere not only take such drivel seriously, they pounce on it like a fat rat on a Frito.

First, the story is repeated among lesser blogs. Take for instance this gem from the Chattahbox:

"Harsh words, but not inaccurate. Palin hasn’t exactly been booking a full schedule, despite her speech in Hong Kong, one which raised many eyebrows."

The thought that perhaps Palin simply isn't interested in a grueling schedule of lectures does not even enter their dim brains. Still, the Chattahbox doesn't report the opinions of the anonymous expert as fact. That job is for blogs a little further down the food chain.

A blog cleverly named Trak.In News completes the cycle by reporting the useless conjecture of some anonymous expert, probably the guy who delivered lunch to the Post reporter, as the truth:

"New York, Sept 30 (ANI): Sarah Palin may have bagged a fat paycheck for her soon-to-be-released memoir, but American lecture buyers think she is an “idiot”."

Now, watch for the mental defectives on the MSM to start reporting that Sarah Palin can't get speaking engagements because she is considered an idiot by buyers on the lecture circuit.

Anyone want to bet on who will be first?

Photo source

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Anonymous Experts Needed to Bash Sarah Pailin

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 18:33:00 +0000

Apparently, the DNC is running out of anonymous experts to bash Sarah Palin. The following ad appeared in the Chicago talent gigs section of Craig's List today:

"We are in need of several experts in any field with a passion for bashing Sarah Palin. Must be highly imaginative and willing to work behind the scenes. Speculation about Palin's personal life, financial future, family members, and communication with alien life forms will be given priority. All ideas will be given consideration.

Location: Work From Home
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: no pay

PostingID: 1400011646"

Speculation ran rife among political pundits concerning the source of the ad.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.

More as this story develops.

Photo source

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Obama: Bo Ate My Birth Certificate

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 19:02:00 +0000

In a startling turn of events, White House officials revealed today that Bo, the First Dog, ate Barack Obama's original birth certificate.

"I am saddened to report that Barack Obama's original birth certificate was eaten by his mischievous Portuguese Water Dog, Bo," reported White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. "I hope this puts an end to the constant carping from pick-up truck driving, gun-toting, ignorant rednecks on the right who want to see the original birth certificate. Brain-damaged, inbred birthers may now just shut their fat yaps and find something better to do, like shooting innocent, starving wolves from helicopters."

Joseph Farah, of Worldnet Daily, immediately called for an investigation of Bo's bowel movements.

"This is one of the most blatant government cover-ups in history," opined Farah. "I demand that Bo's fecal matter be confiscated and every effort made to reconstruct the original birth certificate. That is, if the dog actually ate the birth certificate. The whole story sounds pretty fishy to me."

Keith Olbermann, an alleged journalist, immediately dubbed Bo The Worst Dog in the World. "Now we will never know the real truth," said Olbermann. "One of history's greatest mysteries will now be forever hidden in a fetid pile of presidential dog doo."

"You can trace the beginnings of this obvious plot to overthrow the constitution to Socks the Cat, who was heartlessly cast aside by Hillary Clinton, who would've made a much better president than Barack Obama," said Glenn Beck. "What next, a dog poo czar? I will cover this in depth later. I assure you that heads will roll."

Former Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.

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Hatred of Sarah Palin Linked to Gay Gene

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 19:03:00 +0000

"83% of people who hate Sarah Palin are gayer than Easter baskets," says Fyodor Quackenbush of Hackensack Community College. "The percentage is higher among Democrats, but that is to be expected."

Quackenbush, an instructor in auto mechanics and air conditioning repair, conducted a lengthy study of Palin haters during his lunch breaks at the community college.

"Every gay I talked to had horrible things to say about Sarah Palin," observed Quackenbush. "There is no empirical scientific evidence of a gay gene, but we can certainly infer evidence from any source we choose. It's our right under the constitution to do so, and I won't be shut up by Palin or any of the Republicans who engineered the downfall of our economy due to their failure to regulate those greedy sub-humans who slither along Wall Street."

Quackenbush, who holds a degree in Women's Studies at a well-known state university, makes a solid argument for a genetic predisposition for Palin hatred. "There has to be a gay gene because there are gays and only an idiot would argue otherwise. If there is no gay gene, there would be no gays. So, we can just assume that the gay gene exists. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that Palin hatred is at least partially caused by genetic predisposition. We can't blame gays for hating Sarah Palin any more than we can blame them for being gay. So take that and stuff it in your pipe, Buster."

Quackenbush's findings led to a surprising revelation form Jack Cafferty, a CNN pundit and renowned Palin hater. "When I read about the Quackenbush Theory, it hit me like a ton of bricks," said Cafferty. "I examined my feelings concerning my irrational blathering about Sarah Palin and finally realized I'm queerer than a football bat. It has been a truly liberating experience and gives me an entirely new perspective on Judy Garland and Bette Midler. God, I love them."

Ex-Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment, but was said by sources to be considering a special guest appearance on Reno 911 just for the hell of it.

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How Rush Limbaugh Became Head of the Republican Party

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 02:34:00 +0000

An Exclusive Fly on the Wall Report

James Carville, Rahm Emanuel, and Roland Martin were couch surfing in Martin's apartment a few days ago.

"Gee, fellas," said Roland Martin, "I'm glad that you guys came. Can I get you a pizza roll?"

"They give me gas." said Carville.

"Shut your sassy mouth," said Rahm Emanuel. "I'm thinking."

"Sorry," said Roland, "I just thought you guys might like some."

"The republicans are getting restless," observed Carville. "This CPAC thing has them all riled up. We need a new meme."

"What's a meme?" asked Martin.

"Shut up," said Emmanuel. "What's wrong with with the obstructionist meme, James? It's still working."

"I know, but sooner or later those NASCAR watching dimwits are going to figure out that they don't have enough votes to obstruct anything."

"I doubt it," replied Emanuel. "They can't even figure out Rachel Maddow."

"I've been thinking about asking her out," said Martin. "What do you guys think?"

"Worth a shot," said Carville.

"Go for it," said Emanuel.

"I like the obstructionist meme," said Martin. "That's where you say they're not bi-partisan, right?"

"Shut up." said Carville.

"Shut up." said Emanuel.

"Why don't you tell Rush Limbaugh to shut up?" said Roland Martin. "Why are you picking on me? I haven't done anything. I thought we were on the same side."

"Why don't you check on those pizza rolls?" asked Carville.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot," said Martin and waddled off to the kitchen.

"I wish we could shut Limbaugh up," said Emanuel.

James Carville smiled. "I've got an idea," he said.

"Pizza rolls!" Martin announced, carrying in a tray.

"No thanks," said Emanuel.

"Gotta go." said Carville.

"I was hoping we could play some Nintendo," said Martin.

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Tech Gurus Announce Arrival of Web 2.1.1

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 02:16:00 +0000

A group of high-level tech gurus announced the arrival of Web 2.1.1 Tuesday.

"Web 2.0 is dead," said Ellsworth Mauger, a social media expert."Web 2.1.1 will usher in an entirely new era of solutions long before any problems present themselves. There is a pressing need for solutions that makes waiting for problems irrelevant."

The long awaited advent of Web 2.1.1 had many movers and shakers on the internet edgy with anticipation.

"I'm always looking for the newest trend on the web," said Marvin Garcia, a social media consultant. "I'm just glad that it finally happened. The idea of inventing solutions to non-existent problems is both trendy and non-linear. It is a fine example of free associative thinking that will propel us into the 21st Century with amazing speed."

"Anyone who tries to sell anything on the web is scum," said Delbert Smallwood, a social media professional. "There will be no ads, no commerce, no sales at all. Everyone will simply become an expert consultant on social media telling everyone else how to build their personal brand to exert influence over other social media experts in order to become a more influential social media expert. Anyone who does not understand this model just doesn't get it."

"I'm glad that someone finally gets it," agreed Michael Hunt, a social media guru. "People who try to take advantage of newbies in social media need to understand that we're just not going to let that happen. People have a pressing need to know what other people had for lunch. Other people have a pressing need to tell others what they had for lunch. When you bring the two together, you have a synergistic relationship that opens up entirely new ways of people relating to each other about what they had for lunch."

"It's not just about lunch, though lunch is a very important meal," added Samantha Gruts, a social media mediator. "The possibilities are endless. What about existential angst? Now, there's a solution without a definable problem, but it's still valid. As long as someone is around to validate angst, who is to say it is not valid? Validation comes in the form of the validator, so anything you say is valid. Anyone can become an expert if enough people validate their expertise. How else can you become an expert?"

"If enough people say something is good, it's good. There's no objective way to define good. Only a moron would try to do that. Everything is relative to what everyone says about relevance. When you understand that, you understand social media," said Seymour Glass, who strayed in unexpectedly from a short story. "Bananafish?"

Jean-Paul Sartre was unavailable for comment because he is dead.

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Obama, Palin to Appear on Dancing With the Stars?

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 19:49:00 +0000

White House Press Secretary Robert L. Gibbs announced Monday that President Barack Obama intends to appear on Dancing With the Stars with Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as soon as he learns the samba.

"The president can do the robot like nobody's business, but the samba is giving him fits," said Gibbs. "He has taken to running about the west wing of the White House shouting 'Amor! Amor!' to get in the mood, but so far he has stumbled twice and actually fallen once. I am pleased to say that he only suffered a mild contusion and went right back to work after first aid was administered."

Gay activist Ben Patrick Johnson was upset by the news. "First we have fundamentalist Christians spreading hate by quashing Proposition 8, and now we have the president dancing with one. This sends an ominous message to the gay community. Next thing you know he'll be doing the hokey-pokey with Ann Coulter."

"I thought fundamentalist Christians weren't allowed to dance," said Katie Couric, who forgot to ask Palin about it during her incisive interview with the Alaska governor. "I always thought that that was the reason for all that smouldering sexuality you see in Jimmy Swaggart."

Governor Palin's office staff was surprised at the announcement. "No one from the White House has contacted us concerning Dancing With the Stars," said Palin spokesperson Bill McAllister. "I'm pretty sure her dance card is filled. Obama will have to samba with someone else. Maybe Vera Baker will find time for him."

Daily Kos diarists promptly started the rumor that Palin would not dance with the president because she had broken her leg stomping on a baby seal.

Former Vice President Dick Cheny was unavailable for comment, but informed sources report that he would do the hokey-pokey with Ann Coulter any time she got in the mood.

photo by Fredrick Onyango from Nairobi, Kenya

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Obama to Sue Bin Laden in Civil Court

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 06:43:00 +0000

Displaying the ingenuity that won him the presidency, Barack Obama filed suit against Osama Bin Laden in the Civil Court of New York City Monday.

"I know I'm going to take a lot of flak over this, because there is a $25,000.00 limit on the amount I can win, but it's the principle of the thing. I promised to bring Bin Laden to justice, and I will. Can't you just see the look on his face when he gets the summons?" chuckled the President.

Keith Olbermann took a few minutes off from trashing Sarah Palin and whining about Bill O'Reilly to express his near orgasmic admiration of Obama's masterful coup. "It's brilliant," crowed the MSNBC denizen. "The Bushies were in the White House for 8 years and not a single one of those morons thought of simply suing Bin Laden. When he gets his summons, he will have to appear in court. Instead of constructing a plan that nefarious, that fiendishly clever, that diabolically dazzling, the dullard republicans went looking for WMD in the desert. That makes Dick Cheney the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD!"

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton quickly called a press conference to share credit for the plan. "Of course Obama ran the plan by me before he announced it. I put a few ruffles and flourishes on it to make sure it will work. For instance, in the unlikely event that Bin Laden will ignore the summons, I am going to bring the full weight of every student loan collector in America down on Bin Laden. They'll find him. They can find anybody."

CNN's senior political analyst, Bill Schneider, was not so sure Obama's Osama strategy would be effective. "A recent Rasmussen poll shows that 87% of the people who voted for Obama either do not know, or have forgotten, who Osama Bin Laden is. This does not bode well for Obama. He might do better continuing to chide the economic terrorists on Wall Street for making too much money. A non-binding resolution condemning Wall Street executives would play much better to his base. If he could wrangle some footage of Sarah Palin shooting a whale from a helicopter, his approval ratings would shoot through the roof."

Vice President Joe Biden was unavailable for comment because President Obama had sent him on a sensitive diplomatic mission to Haiti to ascertain the effect of the Voudon religion on the mortgage crisis.

He is not expected back any time soon, according to sources in the State Department.

Photo by Marc Nozell

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Limbaugh's Ratings Plummet on Obama's Warning

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 19:21:00 +0000

President Barack (Hussein) Obama issued a stern warning yesterday to House Republicans and other mentally deficient rubes who listen to Rush Limbaugh, a formerly popular radio humorist.

"You can't just listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done," said the President.

It was unclear whether multi-taskers were included in the statement, but response from the public was immediate. Loyal Americans quickly turned off their radios and began to clean out their garages, prepare their tax returns, and rearrange junk drawers.

"My productivity has increased over two hundred percent since I quit listening to Rush," said Barney Frank, who is in no way responsible for the financial meltdown in the mortgage industry. "I'm even thinking about starting a garden this Spring. Nothing like bright, colorful tulips to make a happy start to your day."

"This just goes to show that the Republican Party has become a small, regional band of misfits who no longer understand what the American people want," said Rachel Maddow, who actually says things like that."The old politics is over. We need to move beyond that, and republicans just don't get it. We need to put aside our differences and blindly follow anyone who can put together a catchy slogan. Americans don't want to think, they want to collect paychecks from easy, good-paying jobs. Who wants to listen to a crank like Limbaugh when she could be making twenty dollars an hour with full benefits changing light bulbs in government buildings?"

"Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot," said Al Franken, a pioneer in the field of creative mathematics. "See? I told you so."

"Sarah Palin can't read," said Chris Matthews in a valiant attempt to appear relevant. "She has to listen to the radio. Hahaha."

House Republican Ron Paul simply shook his head and sighed.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment and rumored to be pleased about it.

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An Open Letter to Bloggers Who Use the Phrase "Would of"

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 20:16:00 +0000

Stop it, you idiots.

Regards,

Gunner

P. S. Right now.

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Sarah Palin Bashers Descend to New Lows

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 20:42:00 +0000

The sad, misogynistic Sarah Palin bashers in the blogosphere are so bizarre they are difficult to parody. Armed with unerring self-righteousness and just enough brains to be dangerous, their saving grace is an absurd mode (read meme if you're an atheist) of twisted pseudo-logic that, in itself, is pretty damned amusing.

Take, for instance, this quote from someone known as Sweet Lucy 47 on a blog called Diva's Blue Oasis:

"Palin had become a Pro-abortion Pro-Lifer.

She really didn't want this baby, she had the amnio, found out then the baby was 'damaged' and really realized she didn't want it...then denied she was even pregnant for months, until she could deny it no longer, so had to own up to it. Then, in Texas realizing she had a serious problem, made a fateful decision to travel as she did, in the hopes that God would take over and she wouldn't have the baby. Cynical?? Yes, maybe I am...but it all fits in with your explanation, and it all fits in with what happened and it explains the reasoning behind her actions."

You can't make stuff like this up. No one would believe it. A writer would be accused of being patently unfair and mean-spirited for portraying Palin bashers in such a light. Sweet Lucy's post is bone-headed bitchery at its very finest and should be savored by aficionados of the absurd.

Not to be outdone, someone calling himself the Socratic Gadfly writes:

"Fits to me. It does accept Palin at her word (which ain't worth much) about the legal facts of the birth — and nothing else.

Sarah Palin is ultimately about Sarah Palin, religious beliefs and all. Whether this was a fully conscious mindset or not, it sounds reasonable — and quite perturbing."

Yes, boys and girls, if it "sounds reasonable," it very well could be true, and if it's true, it's "quite perturbing."

How can you argue with logic like that?

Once you "really realize" the "mindset" of Palin bashers it's "perturbing," ain't it?

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Sarah Palin Trashathon Continues

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 02:21:00 +0000

Pathetic bloggers are gnashing their teeth in parents' basements all over the US tonight because Sarah Palin had the effrontery to respond to their lies and innuendos. In an Esquire article she said, "Bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie annoy me."

Perusing the front page of a Google blogsearch on Sarah Palin one finds two blogs repeating Jon Stewart's witty diatribe trashing MS. Palin by calling her "Blamey Whinehouse." Stewart is wonderfully droll and appeals to basement-dwelling pathetic bloggers who can't hold a job at MacDonald's, much less create their own insults, so Jon Stewart will just have to do until they develop a voice of their own.

Keith Olbermann has yet to pick up on Stewart's latest Valentine to Ms. Palin, but he's usually a couple of days behind the curve, so we can expect to hear about it on MSNBC sometime this weekend.

In a blog called the Moderate Voice , Micheal Stickings, who, apparently has worked his way up to Assistant Editor of that worthy establishment, laments the fact that "Sarah Palin Hates Us."

In fact, he's hopping mad. Stickings, showing a genuine fondness for the parenthetic, writes:

"Now, I’m sure some people find me pathetic, as I do myself from time to time (don’t we all?), and I suppose I get bored as well, but not all that often (not with a good job, a loving wife, two kids, and an avid interest in the world around me), and no doubt some people (i.e., those who disagree with me) think I’m a liar. So that’s maybe — what? — two out of four, assuming that Palin would find me pathetic and a liar? So I suppose, if Palin knew of me, and I suspect she doesn’t (I’m sure she didn’t read my Guardian piece on her and Thatcher), I’d annoy her just like all the truly bored, truly pathetic, truly dishonest, and truly anonymous bloggers out there. I’m just not sure to whom she’s referring. Certainly none of my blog friends/acquaintances are like that."

Gee, Mr. Stickings, do you think she might be referring to the denizens of the Daily Kos, certainly the home of proud, pathetic, and anonymous bloggers who may or may not reside in their parents' basements, but most assuredly are annoying liars?

Stickings then goes into a juvenile rant about Ms. Palin insulting all bloggers, showing himself to be, as he readily admitted, pathetic. He ends with this piece of vitriolic blah blah: "Far be it from Sarah Palin, in all her self-absorbed cluelessness, with all her dim-witted hatred, to get us right."

Now there's a hard-hitting piece of citizen journalism.

Another pathetic, anonymous, basement-dwelling blogger who calls herself Catherine tries her hand at political commentary in a blog called A Time for Change :

"On every right wingnut website, they love to rant about the 'mainstream media.' So, it occurred to me while I was in Taiwan, maybe Sarah Plain is playing to the base. fanning(sic) the flames of paranoia and giving them a cause celebre because she has been so unfairly treated by the media and 'liberal bloggers.'"

Do they have basements in Taiwan? Did her parents send her there to get her out of the house?

Catherine leaves these penetrating questions unanswered, but her contempt for Sarah Palin and right wingnuts in general continues unabated. After pithily quoting that bastion of propriety, CNN, Catherine spends some time conjecturing about their conjecture and arrives at this obvious conclusion:

"What palin(sic) does not seem to see that her complaints do relatively nothing for people outside that narrow base who need to see a lot more from a candidate thamm(sic) her cries of foul by the MSM, as the right wingnuts say.

So, good luck Sarah. with your track record I just don’t see that mass appeal in less than 4 years and it’ll never happen if we bloggers have anything to say about it, and I think we will."

Well, I guess that takes care of Sarah Palin.

Yup, they told her, alright.

Photo Credit:

English: Alaska Governor Sarah Palin on June 2, 2007.
Source	http://www.flickr.com/photos/badish/527070420/
Date	June 2, 2007
Author	Tricia Ward

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Ann Coulter Frightens NBC Away

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 06:15:00 +0000

NBC News banned Ann Coulter from network appearances Monday citing an "unrelenting fear," and a general "queasy feeling" in her presence.

"She just creeps me out," explained Seve Capus, President, NBC News. "I get the feeling she is going to tear my tongue out of my head or something. Everybody around here is frightened to death of her."

"I'm not afraid of her. I just don't want her around me," said Keith Olbermann, who plays a news reporter on TV. "She spreads hate and fear wherever she goes. She writes books, too. That's just plain weird."

"I'm not afraid to admit it. Ann Coulter makes me pee my pants every time I'm within a hundred yards of her." explained Rachel Maddow. "I'd rather French kiss a buzz saw than interview Ann Coulter."

"Why should we waste precious airtime on Ann Coulter plugging one of her books when we could be praising Obama or trashing Sarah Palin or some member of her family?" asked Brian Williams, NBC NIghtly News anchor. "Even if she didn't give me the fantods, I still wouldn't want to report on her. It's really a matter of having the right priorities."

Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.

Photo by Jimmy Wales

Obama to Receive Traditional Hazing From Outgoing Republicans

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 18:59:00 +0000

A special guest post by J. D. Truesilver

Some blame the Washington insider establishment. Others claim presidential hazing traditions date back to the Founding Fathers. When George Washington was forced to choose between a dunking in the Potomac by his peers or being forced to climb his proverbial cherry tree nude as Washingtonians jeered and cheered him on, he chose to mount the cherry tree, proudly displaying yet another of his considerable presidential qualifications.

Vice President Dick Cheney has been selected chairman of the Obama hazing committee. According to the Vice President, Republicans across the country have been sending him hazing suggestions, none of which are fit to be printed here.

John McCain was snubbed for the position because Obama’s victory was assured by McCain’s poor judgment in standing up late night television host David Letterman to schmooze with Katie Couric.

Cheney stated: “We all knew it was over. You just do not stand up the king of stand up comedy and expect to get away with it. Thank God he still had enough of his marbles left not to sit down with Jon Stewart or the whole country would still be laughing at us.”

Cheney was coy about revealing the hazing committee’s choice. “Lets just say It's not going to be very difficult to make a monkey out of him, ha, ha, ha.”

President George W. Bush was unavailable for comment.

Top Ten Media Gasbags of 2008

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 01:27:00 +0000

The media hit jaw dropping new lows in 2008. In this election year, we watched Fox News skewer Ron Paul, a decent man. Not to be outdone, the liberal media, led by MSNBC, plumbed new depths trashing Sarah Palin, a decent woman.

Here, then, are the top ten media gasbags of 2008:

10. Rachel Maddow -- Ms. Maddow courageously balances herself between cute and sagacious, achieving neither, while summoning surprising amounts of malice in her sophomoric commentaries on Sarah Palin. She isn't fooling anyone. She wants her. I can tell.

9. Bill Schneider -- Besides being so deep in the bag for Barack Obama all through the election cycle that sunlight would melt him, Schneider managed to annoy the electorate with his incisive analysis consisting of natterings about demographic factoids that a special ed class could see through.

47% of suburban women who had brief affairs with co-workers voted for Hillary Clinton, but showed a strange, unexplained longing for Barack Obama. This bodes will for the Democrats this year.

Shut up, Bill.

8. Jack Cafferty -- Cafferty, for some reason, reminds me of one of the two grumpy eagle puppets who graced the Muppet Show some years back. The man is obviously, painfully constipated. Metamucil may be the answer. Maybe an enema. We don't know how serious it is.

7. Sean Hannity -- The media highlight of the election year was Mr. Hannity, doing his best to seem intelligent, gazing into the camera and intoning that Ron Paul did horribly in the Republican debate and should abandon his candidacy while a poll graphic flashed showing that Ron Paul had won the debate handily. Things like that do not embarrass Sean Hannity. Zealous Ron Paul supporters hounded him on the street and forced him into a convenient hotel lobby for safety. That didn't embarrass Mr, Hannity, either. Nothing does. He works for Fox News.

6. Wolf Blitzer -- Poor Wolf just hasn't been the same since Desert Storm. Now he makes his living asking other media gasbags ridiculous leading questions.

"Would you say, Jim, that the choice of Sarah Palin, who is inexperienced, a retard, and probably doesn't know who Henry David Thoreau is, for a running mate has hurt Senator McCain's chances at the White House?

"I wouldn't know, Wolf. I'm from Indiana."

5. Rush Limbaugh -- Rush is only conservative when there's a pretty good chance that a few Arabs will have bombs fall on their heads. When Ron Paul, the only conservative in the race, sensibly suggested that problems in the Middle East should be settled by citizens of the Middle East, Rush had a kitten. The United States can't mind its own business. That would be un-American.

4. Charles Gibson -- Charlie wins the coveted Most Condescending Gasbag of 2008 Award. When he started counting on his fingers in front of Sarah Palin in his ABC interview, she should have broken them and thrown him out on the lawn. The interview was specifically edited to make Sarah Palin look stupid. Poor Charlie wouldn't know the Bush Doctrine if Dubya explained it to him. If Dubya could, of course.

3. Katie Couric -- America's sweetheart turned out to have a generous streak of bitch in her.

"So, what do you read?"

No, nothing insulting about that.

Ms. Couric, came in second in the most condescending poll. She's only a woman, you know, and can't be expected to be as informed as Charles Gibson.

2. Bill O'Reilly -- Bill managed to get himself in a shouting match with Barney Frank, proving the adage about arguing with idiots.

1. Keith Olbermann -- Olbermann achieved new heights of gasbaggery, out-doing Bill O'Reilly, who had a lock on the number one position for years. O'Reilly was simply out-smarmed by the newsman with the largest head in America.

Photo by Kirsten Loves Puti

Who Put the Feds on Me?

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 02:53:00 +0000

I actually got this in my email today. I didn't make this up.

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITARY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001

Dear Fund Benneficiary,

Some time ago, your African friends, I mean the people that introduced you to the project approached you and requested you assist them conclude a money transfer deal via an ATM Card , they requested you to assist them by removing the original contractors name , from the ATM Card and replacing them with your name and your details in order to make you appear as the rightful beneficiary of this ATM CARD Valued The Sum Of USD10.5Million . you agreed and they said you will share the money with them as soon as your name appears as the beneficiary.

So this is just a clue to show you that we are very investigative and have all details to persecute you, but we shall give you the opportunity to receive the funds and make it clean, since it is coming into our dear country, but if you do not co-operate then we shall take negative actions.

Maybe you think, that we are joking , but by the time we start taking actions you would know how serious we are,you do not have his document in your files,if you did the account would not have been freezed. We did not believe this at first , but when we saw the wire we had no option than to contact you. It has come to the attention of our Money Trafficking investigation department, that you have some funds valued at U.S $10.5 Million to your name , The said payment is awaiting adjudication and credited to your name this funds are from Inheritance 'willed 'to you from African Bank precisely.

With full concern of The F.B.I and the Internal Revenue Service(IRS) wish to remind you of the consequences of remitting such huge sums of money without complying fully with the provisions of the Financial and Allied Matters Decree 5 as amended in sub-section C(6) of 2003, which stipulates that any monitory transaction been done in the United States Of America, must have proper records , which dually guarantees and covers the transaction as legitimate and legally acquired and not criminally or terrorist associated funds. This is due to ongoing terrorist activities/economic crimes on and against the United States of America citizens .

You are under an observational /Investigation in connection with money laundering.
If your funds comes from a legitimate and legal source ,the proper guidelines for you to recover the right of transaction is for you to provide the DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST) so that your funds will be legally processed and recorded and accounted for and then finally released to you .
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONEY LAUNDERING DEPARTMENT ) IS HERE to wipe out terrorism , and will stop at no length in doing our duty for the American people .

You have 48 hours to produce legal proof of the below frozen wired transaction number coded:3456711owned by you , You do not have any rights to recieve this funds if the documented legal wire information is not complete. The very heart of FBI operations lies in our investigations--which serve, as our mission states, 'to protect and defend the United States against terrorist and foreign intelligence threats and to enforce the criminal laws of the United States.' We currently have jurisdiction over violations of more than 200 categories of federal law. So you can see that the that we can track you down through Investigative programes.We have your address and the evidence and status of your wired funds, so we can arrest you anytime.

Note ,the funds are very legal and from a good source, so as a matter of National interest you have to provide the documents to certify the money on the ATM CARD as clean funds. The funds will be released to you as soon as this document is procured,even if you do not want the funds you still have to obtain the documents to clear your name as The Card is already here, so the decision is yours. If you have the document then forward it to us immediately, if you do not have the documents then contact us immediately so that we can advice you on what it will take and where to obtain the documents.

Note: that you have just 48 hours to complete this process of national interest.
NOTE:If you failure to produce the above requirement in the next 48 hours, legal action will be taken immediately from our office

Sincerely,

Yours In Service.

JOSEPH PERSICHINI JR., ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
Federal Bureau Of Investigations
Email :1nfo-fbiwdcs1@live.com

IDENTIAL NOTICE: This E-MAIL may contain information that is privileged, confidential, and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution, copying, or use of this document is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us by email at the E-MAlL listed above to arrange for the destruction or return of the original document to us. Thank you

© 2008 Federal Bureau Of Investigations All Rights Reserved

Fun With Adolf Hitler When Talking to Liberals

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 21:17:00 +0000

The left has had Adolf Hitler all to themselves too long. It is time to strike back and strike back hard. When a liberal starts spewing whatever talking points his or her tiny brain can absorb, tell them that is exactly what Adolf Hitler would say.

Example:

Liberal: Our current economic crisis is the result of the Bush administration's laissez faire attitude toward free enterprise.

Person of normal intelligence: That sounds like something Hitler would say.

Liberal: Huh?

Person of normal intelligence: It is an established fact that Adolf Hitler was a socialist. Why do you think they called it the National Socialist German Workers' Party? It was shortened to Nazi. How long have you been a Nazi?

Liberal: I'm not a Nazi, I'm a democrat.

Person of normal intelligence: Sure you are. Sure you are. Next you'll be telling me that Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. I can see where you're going with this. So, are you pro-communist?

Liberal: No, I'm a democrat.

Person of normal intelligence: Hitler hated communists, too.

This technique can provide hours of amusement when liberals attack on political bulletin boards and at cocktail parties.

Happy hitlering.

Remembering Jimmy Reed

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 19:16:00 +0000

Jimmy Reed played the blues like a cool daddy sitting on the front porch sipping whiskey and eyeing the ladies. Every kid who bought a guitar in the 60's learned the Jimmy Reed shuffle and turnaround first. When they got a little better, they advanced to Chuck Berry double stops.

Nobody was cooler than Jimmy Reed. Nobody.

"You name 'em, I'll play 'em," he told a record producer on one of his live albums. And that's what he did. With his love by his side, he cut through the United States and Europe playing simple, lackadaisical blues riffs that anyone could play, but no one could play like him.

The whiskey killed him. Epilepsy found him, but everyone figured it was just another case of the DT's and let it ride. He lived to be 51. They buried him in Blue Island, Illinois. His tombstone reads:

Beloved Husband and Father
The Boss Man of the Blues

There is a guitar embossed on the stone.

Rest easy, Jimmy.

Some Thoughts on Cormac McCarthy

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 17:30:00 +0000

Some novels open spiritual doors. Hesse's Steppenwolf is one. When I read it in my late teens, while in the army in Germany, it made me sane. I knew that there was someone in the world who thought like I did -- that I wasn't entirely loopy. Google loop garoo some time. You'll know what I mean. The best guitarist ever, Roy Buchanan, when asked why he played so well, replied that he was half wolf.

Kerouac's On the Road, the first blues novel, killed me, too. Telling a story via bop rhythm and jazz colorizations was just too hip. It didn't have much to do with structure or plot, other than on a minimal level; it was about that same loop garoo yearning expressed in the frenetic Chicago blues of Muddy Waters, James Cotton, and yes, Howling Wolf. Ramblin' Jack picked up on the mantric qualities of what was to become Rock and Roll. Wop Bop A Lula Walla Lop Bam Boom. Chant my mantra.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, completes a triad; a bent seven chord, down and dirty. Ken Kesey re-told the gospel in a madhouse. Incipient evil personified in a sterile white nurse dispensing eucharistic soma to calm the maladjusted and rowdy into valium-induced submissiveness. R. P. McMurphy died for your sins.

Now there is a prophet loose in the land and his name is Cormac McCarthy. He bends language to his will and creates works of stark, stunning beauty. There are none remotely like him. Everything in American literature to date has been a pre-cursor to his work. Yes, he's that good. I strongly urge everyone I know to find his work and read it.

For the first time in a long, long time, there is someone who gives me hope.

Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 00:14:00 +0000

When Abraham Lincoln received the party nomination to run as President in 1860, more than a few eyebrows were raised. Who was this unheard of lawyer from the backwoods of Illinois? In her esteemed book, Doris Kearns Goodwin examines not just Lincoln and his meteoric rise to power, but also the lives of the people around him, and how he forged relationships with those who saw him as an adversary.

The five men that Goodwin examines in meticulous detail are Lincoln himself, Salmon P. Chase, Edwin M. Stanton, William H. Seward and Edward Bates. All of whom had either tried to replace or oust Lincoln, or who had real reasons to dislike the man – hence the name of the book, “Team of Rivals”.

The fact that Lincoln managed to form relationships with them, and enter them into his cabinet displayed his magnificent leadership, and stunning sense of self-confidence.

All of this has been well documented before. Do we really need another biography of Lincoln? Goodwin manages to make you say yes, we do.

The book itself is a triumph. Lincoln was renowned as a forthright and engaging speaker and conversationalist, and Goodwin has managed to emulate these skills herself in her writing. The book, although quite long, is fascinating, and some of the tales and regalia are riveting.

Especially the contrast between the 5 men, which really comes to the fore. The examination of the relationships between the “rivals” of the title plays out magnificently. If this were a work of fiction it would be lauded just as much as it is as a biography, and Goodwin's story-telling skills are indicative of that.

The hook of the book is really how the five “rivals” constantly plotted and planned against Lincoln, from before his nomination continuing through his presidency. The most fascinating thing though, is how Lincoln handled these men, putting rivals into positions of power that proved such a masterstroke.

If you are looking for an expansive biography of Abraham Lincoln, then it's probably best to look elsewhere. This is not what this book is about – it's about how a man became a strong leader, the strategies he used, and how he handled conflict all around him.

Read more reviews.

Samsung LN46A650 46-Inch 1080p 120Hz LCD HDTV with RED Touch of Color

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:06:00 +0000

The first thing to remark upon with the Samsung A650 TV is the picture quality. It's outstanding. The colors are vibrant and defined, and the biggest thing for me personally is that the blacks are no longer “a bit grey-ish!”

Samsung uses what they call Super Patterned Vertical Alignment (SPVA) to ensure that the picture can be seen anywhere in the room. This is really good if, like me, you want to put the TV in a smaller room. It really can be seen clearly from almost any angle – the eyes really do seem to follow you around the room!!

The TOC aspect – Samsung has incorporated a hint of red into the surround - is actually a bold move by Samsung. A lot of people will be put off by thinking that the red won't actually fit into their existing décor. Don't worry about this. The “red” is only the lightest hint, and it only becomes apparent when you get up close – it's really subtle and it actually looks pretty good in almost any environment.

It's also light – handy if you want to wall-mount it. I managed to pick it up all by myself without much effort. Handy also are the side-mounted USB ports for picture viewing and MP3 players. Photographs look awesome with the Samsung's picture quality, although be careful as the picture quality is so good it may show up blemishes that you would prefer to keep hidden!

The USB ports are there because Samsung wanted this to be a real entertainment hub, and it works. Playing PS3 games on this TV is killer.

The only downside is that sometimes the picture quality is too good. Sometimes, you can get lines and imperfections on the screen, but this is because of the TV channel's weak broadcast. In other words, the TV will broadcast whatever it receives – if the signal is weak or has imperfections in it, then unfortunately, you get those too. Some people have also griped about the remote control, and to be honest, it is ugly, but hey, its a remote control!

These are really small issues – the Samsung TOC A650 is a great product – Samsung has created the next generation. This is the TV for you if you want HD ready TV with all the add-ons of a great entertainment hub.

Read more reviews here...

Garmin nüvi 350 3.5-Inch Portable GPS Navigator Gets the Job Done

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 19:32:00 +0000

As an everyday GPS unit that can fit into the palm of your hand, be fitted almost anywhere, even has a bicycle mode and works on planes (yes, we checked), you can't get much better than the Garmin nuvi 350.

The best things come in small packages, apparently, and thats quite a fitting aphorism for this unit. It has a total weight of just 5.1 ounces, and its dimensions are less than that of a standard pack of playing cards.

I think it's important to point out that although its size and portability are appealing, this has not come at the compromise of other features. Everything you might expect from a top quality GPS unit is here, as well as a number of other features that do not come as standard on any other unit.

As well as the GPS, you also get an MP3 player, a currency and measurement converter, an audio book player (audio books can be purchased from the Garmin website), a j-peg format picture viewer and more.

The small 3.5inch screen also has a very high resolution of 240x320 pixels, so even when a great deal of information is displayed, its clear as a bell and does not diminish in either clarity or ease of use.

Although the Garmin nuvi 350 recognizes that navigation is only a small part of the journey with all its features, its quite easy to forget that the Garmin nuvi is primarily a navigation device! And here is where this unit really comes into its own.

One of its best features is that it actually tells you the street names: instead of “turn right in 200yds” you get “turn right into Chapel Street”. This can really be advantageous when there are two or more streets to choose from. It also has great points of interest references – the database seems a lot larger than other units of its type – nicely breaks up a journey. It has a standard SD port so you can upload more points of interest more pertinent to you (for example, granny's house, 300 yards on the left)!!!

There aren't really a lot of negatives to focus on with this unit. It does everything you expect it to, plus quite a bit more – it's really fast at finding the satellites too, and it even turns itself off when the car has been idle for more than 30 minutes!

Read more reviews.

Acer Aspire One 8.9-inch Mini Laptop Delivers

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 18:46:00 +0000

The New Acer Aspire mini-laptop is aimed primarily at the business customer who wants something lighter to carry around, but still gives an extra-long battery life, reliability and sufficient operating ability.

The biggest appeal of this product is definitely its size and portability. It weighs in at just 2.2lb, which makes it easily amongst the lightest of its class, and its compact size means it fits into a briefcase or similar with the minimum amount of fuss. Where the Acer Aspire wins is that it does this without actually sacrificing any of its processing power. Start-up time (with no additional programs installed) is regularly around 15-20 seconds.

The 1.6 GHZ Intel Atom processor was designed specifically to fit into machines of this size – this means that unlike other laptops it does not contain a processor that has been reduced or modified. The Atom Processor actually reduces the power leakage in transistors, which increases the battery usage up to around 5 ½ hours. Also, Aspire appears to have solved their issues with WiFi accessibility that plagued their earlier models.

Another feature that the Acer Aspire laptop has going for it is that it comes with ready installed with Windows XP Home (including Instant Messenger and email), as well as McAfee security software.

Trying to install a larger memory has proved problematic for many users, as the laptop is not really designed for modification. Also, more sophisticated software, when installed, has caused significant spiking and reduced processing time.

The memory can also be increased from 1.MB to 1.5MB, but again, this has proved a little problematic for some users – and there is really not much point in doing so – the extra amount of memory is not really worth it.

The mouse buttons on the touchpad, apparently to conserve space, have been moved to the side of the touchpad, which can make it a little awkward initially, and takes some getting used to. The fitted webcam, on the other hand, is nicely done.

The Aspire Acer laptop looks set to be the front runner in its class, and rightly so. The longer battery life will be a relief to any of you who have “gone down” on the last sentence of that important document, and the ease and portability of carrying it around make it something special.

Read more reviews.

Canon PowerShot A590IS 8MP Digital Camera with 4x Optical Image Stabilized Zoom

noreply@blogger.com (Gunner Sykes) — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 05:43:00 +0000

The Canon Powershot “A” series was introduced by Canon as a budget version of their Powershot “G” and “S” lines, which are much more expensive. The result is a small, compact camera regarded as one of the best value-for-money digital cameras in the market.

Features include:

8.0 megapixels
4x optical zoom
Enhanced Canon Face Detection
Auto red-eye reduction
Multiple shooting modes: Auto, easy, portrait, landscape, special (inc. fireworks and sunset)

The Canon PowerShot A50IS also has image stabilization, enabling you to take shots up to 2-3 times below the recommended speed. This means that blur-free shots can be obtained indoors with no flash. The image quality on these shots is, as you would expect from a Canon camera, also very good, but you also get the option to adjust the saturation, contrast and sharpness settings.

The compatibility of this camera is appealing to the seriously-minded photographer – wide-angle and telephoto lenses in the PowerShot range can easily be fitted. For the more casual photographers among us who just want to print that quick shot of Dave falling over at the swimming pool, the camera also has a pretty nifty Print/Share button that instantly sends the shots to a computer (PC or MAC) when connected.

You can also adjust the flash manually – there are 3 different power levels for the flash, on top of the standard automatic flash. In very bright sunlight conditions, the camera is equipped with an optical viewfinder to aid the less experienced photographer.

The battery performance is pretty good too. According to the official Canon specs, you can get 220 shots out of the camera on regular batteries. Most people have found that this is a conservative estimate, and have gotten significantly more.

There are a number of small gripes.. The noise when using the zoom is significantly louder than other cameras in its class, and the zoom, although good, appears to have come at the cost of a diminished wide angle.

These are small criticisms. The features and tools on this camera far outweigh the negatives. The Canon PowerShot A590IS is one of the finest in its price range.

More reviews here