Craftwhack

Yelping

2010-06-19T19:17:00.004-05:00

I like Yelp. I like to read reviews of places I'm thinking about gracing with my presence, and I like to share my poorly-written opinions with the world on the interwebs. Especially if I either really love a place or really hate a place. Recently I posted this review about a bakery:I consumed a brownie from this bakery that tasted like ass. When one eats a brownie, it is customary to expect that

BABYBABYBABYBABYBABY

2010-05-01T20:56:00.009-05:00

Since I get to indulge my every whim on this here blog, feast your peepers on many photographs of my BABY. Cute fucking baby. Looks just like his mother.

Duck Nut Wednesday

2010-04-28T08:47:00.003-05:00

Sometimes we get doughnuts before school. It's a little thing I like to do to prove my worth as a Step mom, and what says "I love you" like a sugary, fatty treat? Nothing, that's what.It's become known as "Duck Nut (insert day of the week here)", because one groggy morning I entertained myself by pronouncing 'doughnut' as the sweet lord should have intended it be pronounced. Only I couldn't stop

Human Development

2009-11-18T14:07:00.004-06:00

I've been spending an awful lot of time with a baby lately, so forgive me if every post for a while is influenced by babiness.I was thinking how funny it would be if humans grew and aged, but in some ways never progressed beyond three months of age. For instance, if we were hungry, we would begin to gnaw ravenously on whatever was closest to our mouths, be it seat belt strap, coat-corner or fist.

Monday photo

2009-11-16T11:16:00.003-06:00

Baby Boy as he would look with gorgeous hair:

Good Words/ Bad Words of the day

2009-11-16T11:14:00.002-06:00

Good Words:shantylilliputiannebulousclaviclecarp Bad Words: cuddle snuggle bosom slacks

The Opponent

2009-11-13T12:41:00.006-06:00

After feeling alternately crab-assy, depressed, exhausted, anxious and vomitous during pregnancy, it's astonishing to be deep in the throes of new motherhood again. I am so madly in love with this little beast.And he adores me. I can tell, because he gives me huge gummy smiles. He cries when I put him down, and he saves his most voluminous diapers for me. These are definitely satisfying rewards

What Not to Wear, For Kids

2009-11-09T10:43:00.004-06:00

Since I'm not a big volunteer-er at my kid's school, I was trying to think of other ways to help out. You know, to ease some of the workload for the teachers and staff. Well, this morning, as I walked F to school (and managed to politely listen to her tell me last night's dream for, like, 10 whole minutes without falling into a dead heap of death), my mind wandered, and as I watched the other

2009-06-29T11:10:00.003-05:00

So very many things have occurred in my little life in the past 8 months, so instead of going into detail right off the bat, I will utilize my beloved list format:1. I became impregnated. With a baby.2. Christian lost his job due to his employer having a nervous breakdown after getting off his meds, and closing the company.3. Christian and a photographer, the amazing Stefan, hauled themselves up

Are We Scary?

2009-02-25T11:12:00.006-06:00

This morning an appraiser for the people who are buying our house came a-calling. Usually appraisers stay for about 15 minutes, ask a few questions, take a few notes and leave. This woman seemed friendly enough when she first entered our home, and exceedingly nervous as she departed. She even shot me a final glance that I read as, "I don't know what goes on in here, and I've seen a lot of bizarre

Knock-Upedness

2009-02-16T20:43:00.004-06:00

It's both fun and terrifying to be pregnant again. Since I'm an elderly 38, it's a bit nerve-racking to think of all the things that could be wrong with the wee one. It's funny to read on the pregnancy message boards how indignant many of the over-35 pregnant set get at being referred to as, "Advanced Maternal Age". I don't know why that's such a shock to some; I feel super-old to be pregnant.

Songs in the Head

2009-02-06T08:29:00.004-06:00

I still can't get Beyonce's version of "At Last" out of my head, but only the first part, because it was played over and over on the news. They cut it off at the exact same point, too: after the word, 'along'. Christian no doubt is sick of hearing me sing it, especially since I really have no business singing out loud in front of anyone with ears. My rendition has taken on a strange twist, too, I

2009-02-03T09:34:00.003-06:00

Due to the crap-ass economy, as many people seek to cut back on any and all expenses, I have decided to share some of my secrets for scaling back on so-called "luxury purchases." In this case, I have chosen to focus on vacations. One might argue that a vacation is necessary for the well-being of the soul, and I whole-heartedly agree. Let's explore some alternatives to a bank-busting family week

My Passion for Grocery Stores

2009-01-29T09:17:00.005-06:00

I enjoy a good grocery experience, but I have a major aversion to people. Folks in large groups and people grocery shopping are pure evil, so when you combine the two, it makes for a really bad time for me. I have to make sure I shop in the mornings, on week days- That way it's me and the old folks. (And the occasional other anti-social mom.)One of my favorite things to do when I first get inside

A Post Full of Lists

2009-01-13T20:11:00.010-06:00

Since we are Mr. and Mrs. Awesome, we are in the midst of getting ready to move. We're supposed to close on our house in March and we're just waiting for the official okay from our lending bank. Here is what we've learned, besides the fact that we are so not financially savvy, as a result of this process:1. It's not very wise to buy a home right when the housing market and economy start to dip.2.

Surreal Driving Days

2009-01-09T08:22:00.002-06:00

I am extremely attuned to those days where, when you are driving around, you encounter a whole lot of weird, driving-around bullshit. Like when you have to stop for 4 cars in a row, within the span of 5 minutes, who have decided to pull into alleys and back out right in front of you, so they can turn around and go the other way because they were too stupid to go the right way in the first place.

2009-01-07T13:31:00.004-06:00

Sometimes I see people who have augmented their bodies or faces to the point of hilarity, and I start to wonder. I had an eating disorder in college, and never thought I was skinny enough. Despite endless exercise and near-starvation, I was sure I still had a few pounds to lose. To quote Britney Spears, "I'm not a stupid person." My brain had gone to some weird place where my ability to feel like

Deadly Dinner

2008-12-18T19:39:00.006-06:00

On occasion, I have a great and powerful urge to make a big old batch of warm, white-trash, comfort-casserole. When this mood strikes, I head for my local market-that-is-super, run straight for the soup aisle, shoving old ladies and stock boys out of my way, and grab me up an armful of the Campbell's.Whatever else I buy is inconsequential. Chicken, mushrooms, green beans, onions; all the usual

Why I Like House

2008-12-14T20:48:00.001-06:00

Not mine. sillies, the show. It's because House knows everything and every titillating mystery is tied up neatly by the end of the show.That's all- on with your lives.

My Hubzband is Funnie.

2008-12-13T20:16:00.002-06:00

Sometimes, people go through times that try their little minds and stretch them to the point of near-insanity. Trying to sell our stoopid house has landed Christian and me in precisely this situation. The good thing about our latest collective mental state is that we are both in the land of creating mass hilarity out of every situation, without regard to other people. It's a nice cocoon. I

I Really Can't Believe My Knitting Talents

2008-12-11T11:06:00.008-06:00

Feast your peepers on this action: Wait. First check out my super-cute new haircut. Photo courtesy of F:Don't you just think I'm the sassiest? Okay, here's the real brilliance:Yep, my first scarf knitted with actual needles. It's almost too much to bear, but before you die of happiness, wrap your brain around this. Being a designer, I like to think up creative new ways to use everyday

Ways to Deal WITH STRESS

2008-12-11T11:01:00.002-06:00

Besides typing in all capital letters, I deal with stress probably much like other people do. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Mostly because, well, we are under a lot of stress.Without going into too much boring, violin-inspiring detail, I will say this: Send in The Clowns.Which brings me to one of the ways I deal with stress- Besides the usual drinking too much, sleeping a lot,

Dead Body In The Freezer

2008-12-08T21:18:00.003-06:00

Sigh. There's been a dead body in our freezer for a month, and now it's too late to bury it in the back yard. The earth is all frozen now - I guess we got distracted with readying the house for selling and forgot all about tending to the body.Wanna see it? Okay, lemme go grab the camera. Awwww never mind, you yellow-bellied ninnies. You'd probably just get all squeamish anyway. Besides, if you

Romance

2008-11-08T19:22:00.006-06:00

I just adore weddings. Especially outdoor weddings in November with hundreds of people I don't know and my child whining the entire time about how cold and hungry she is. I mean, how can you not bawl your damn eyes out in the midst of true love being declared, unabashedly, in front of the world! Or at least the dog lovers of Oak Park. Yep, I attended the Oak park Dog Wedding with F and my sis.

There's a strange man upstairs in my house

2008-11-06T11:20:00.004-06:00

Mr. Plumber is upstairs trying to fix our shower. The $2,000 worth of new pipes in our basement didn't seem to do the job a year and a half ago, so we'll see what tricks this dude has up his plumber's sleeves. Or butt.I am an obsessed HGTV fan and have been lately watching Designed To Sell constantly. Since we will soon have our home on the market, I have been trying to glean every last bit of