American Earnings Paint Bleak Picture

“American delivered record third-quarter revenue and the strongest year-over-year revenue growth in my career, with premium performance leading the way,” American CEO Robert Isom said in a releAAse which buries the lede that AA’s Q3 was poor enough for the carrier to slow its capacity growth next year with a loss now expected for the full year to equal as much as $1.60 per share.

American’s two largest expenses continue to be labor and fuel — though we assume the decision in late 2025 to switch to Bollinger Special Cuvée makes that a close third — with both rising far faster than the airline can keep up with revenues. Although losses are expected to worsen, Isom stated that he has great confidence that the airline will return to profitability in 2027, which seems like the exact thing you’d want to hear from the guy whose job is specifically tied to whether or not the airline returns to profitability in 2027.

International and premium demand remained high for American (say it with us one more time, K-shaped economy), but with that high demand came an expectation that it will lose between $.50 and $1.10 per share during the fourth quarter. This comes despite revenue expected to be up as much as 22 1/2% from last year and for capacity to be up more than 6%. Overall for Q3, American posted a net loss of $269 million on $16.3 billion in gross revenue compared to a loss of $114 million in Q3 last year.

The carrier did end the quarter with $1.2 billion in cash, a jump from the $938 million it had left after Q3 2025. The jump in reserves is thanks to AA’s effort to degrade the customer experience for those in Basic Economy as much as possible, proving that charging BE passengers for the cost of meal vouchers for delayed premium passengers is a great way to generate funds.

Demand for United Grows Along with Profitability Gap

United’s Q3 earnings were released his week, and its record-breaking gross revenue just shy of $18 billion showed that demand is strong for the Tulip Globe. But despite its strong revenue, the carrier continues to trail Delta when it comes to profitability. If we ignore third-party refinery sales for Delta, the two carriers were almost identical in gross revenue $17.87 billion for United and $17.58 billion for Delta. The difference? Delta earned a $1.6 billion profit on that revenue, good for a 9.4% operating margin, while United’s profit of $1.2 billion was just a 7% operating margin. (“Just,” of course, is relative, with American drooling at the mere thought.)

With regards to gross revenue, everything went up for United. Premium revenue was up 17%, and basic economy was up 16% (suckers). Contracted business revenue was up 26%, and these jumps occurred on capacity increases of just over 1%. But what else was up? Fuel. In its investor update, United says fourth quarter adjusted earnings will fall between $.50 and $1.50 per share, with the assumption that go-juice costs around $4.80 per gallon.

Its stock earned $2.54 in adjusted diluted earnings per share, within its expected guidance. It expects to earn between $0.50 and $1.50 per share in Q4, below the $1.76 which was predicted by analysts. It likely caps United’s year-end

Lufthansa Adds Columbus, Phoenix

It’s been a busy week for Lufthansa as the carrier announced plans to launch new service to both Columbus and Phoenix. This is the first scheduled flight from Columbus to Europe, and the PHX service marks the Lufthansa Group’s first foray into the Valley of the Sun since early 2004 when it decided it could no longer stomach watching A340-300s struggle to clear the airport fence on a hot summer day.

Let’s start first with Columbus, where the midwestern airport will see 3x weekly service to Frankfurt beginning on May 5. Will it make money? Lufthansa would prefer that it does, but it’ll sleep at night either way — the route will come with a significant revenue guarantee for Lufthansa to keep it relatively whole one way or another. The flight will be the first Ohio destination in LH’s history. We figured Dayton would be first, since the city of Germantown — or as the German’s call it, “Town” — is right there, but shows what we know.

Starting next August, the carrier will begin 3x weekly flights from Munich to Phoenix. The nearly 6,000-mile flight in each direction will be flown by Lufthansa’s A350-900. How about that first flight crew from Lufthansa on the inaugural which will land in Phoenix in August — at least it’s a dry heat for them to experience. A study from Sky Harbor says the new Munich flight will provide as much as an $81 million impact annually to the Phoenix community, and that comes before all those LH flight crews discover how much they enjoy sipping on The Phoenix.

Southwest Squeezes Out Profit

For the last couple of years, Southwest has been busy turning itself into something that looks increasingly unlike the Southwest we all knew. Assigned seats. Extra legroom. Bag fees. Basic economy. Partnerships. Corporate distribution. And now lounges. But not just any lounge — Icon Lounges ™!

There have been plenty of reasons to question whether blowing up much of what made Southwest unique was actually going to make the airline more money. Well, we’re starting to get an answer, and unfortunately for nostalgia fans, it is.

Southwest reported a record $8.4 billion in revenue during the third quarter, up a whopping 21.2 percent from last year. Even more impressive, capacity was actually down 0.4 percent. That math works out to a RASM jump of 21.6%, which set a new WN record. Passenger revenue alone climbed 22.8 percent to $7.75 billion, and Southwest says it had the highest passenger yield in company history. Perhaps most impressive, that figure doesn’t even account for the savings from its gate agents no longer having to explain the zone boarding process anymore.

Overall, the airline earned $270 million during the quarter, or about $0.55 per share. Adjusted operating margin came in at 5.4 percent, up 4.8 points from a year ago. But before anyone starts handing out victory cigars in Dallas, we have to look at fuel, the thorny problem for every airline. Southwest spent $2.15 billion (billion…with a B) on fuel in Q3, a 62% jump from a year ago. If things don’t get better, it might have to bring back its old fare classes with a one adjustment: Wanna Get Away, Wanna Get Away Plus, and Wanna Help Pay for Jet Fuel?”

Air Canada Brings Back Booking Fee

It’s a great reminder that just about everything is cyclical…except the number of boarding groups — that never stops increasing.

In the last 10 years, most airlines reversed course, removing the fees and charges associated with booking anywhere but online (over the phone or in-person at an airport, or at a city ticket office if any of those still exist). Most change fees (for non-basic customers) also went away during the pandemic. But the pendulum could be swinging back in the other direction again as Air Canada is bringing back a C$30 fee to book over the phone. Whether this is the first in a step of many changes remains to be seen, but it feels like a $25 change fee could be next…only to see that jump to $50, $100, and even $200 before getting wiped away again. Air Canada joins WestJet and United amongst non-ULCCs that charge for phone bookings.

Who’s exempt from the new rules? Anyone needing special accommodations and there’s no charge to speak to an agent during irregular operations. Similar to fast food restaurants with secret menus, Air Canada will accept alternate payment methods for the C$30 other than cash and credit and is willing to get creative. Customers can exchange three gallons of maple syrup for one “free” over the phone booking, and the booking fee will continue to be waived for all U.S. citizens until a Canadian team finally wins the Stanley Cup, so… forever.

• Aeromexico might announce new U.S. routes next week…then again it might not.
• Air Canada announced 4x weekly winter-only service between Montréal and Sevilla.
• Air Cǒte d’Ivoire is finally cote-sharing with Air France.
• Air Serbia is adding six new destinations including Miami.
• Alaska is adding new Seattle service to both Osaka and Tahiti.
• Delta is shockingly not raising its Medallion qualification levels for 2027, making it even more likely thresholds will be going up a year from now.
• Discover will take over Lufthansa’s Seattle service in the spring.
• Qatar will be the seventh airline to operate at the new Western Sydney airport.
• Sky Mali is growing. Unfortunately for the rest of us, this doesn’t mean SkyMall is any closer to coming back to seat back pockets anytime soon.
• Southwest expects to complete Starlink installation fleetwide by next fall.
• United‘s newest concourse opened in Houston this week with a Texas-sized lounge. It’s also adding four new routes.
• Virgin Australia is seeking an increase in capacity to Indonesia.
• Wizz Air looks to grow in Spain.

The most shocking thing about getting older is realizing how many things can injure you while sleeping.

See, I have a credit on Alaska that must have all travel completed in the next week. I don’t have to use this credit, but also, I can…. And I do have a couple of days that I can actually afford to take off. I’ve come up with some ideas, and I put them on Bluesky yesterday for a poll, but I’d say the results of that small sample size weren’t exactly conclusive. So, I’m bringing it here to give more context and to swap out one of the destinations for something better I found.

Here’s the fun part. I’m going to do the one that gets the most votes, and then I’ll write about it here. In theory, all of the four choices sound good to me, so I really hope I won’t regret this. Just realize that all of these are for two nights except for Hawaiʻi where I could probably fly out the evening before to squeeze in some extra time. Read below to see the choices listed in alphabetical order to avoid any perceived bias. The poll is at the bottom.

1) Boise

I’ve been to a lot of cities in the US, and Boise is not one of them. That’s probably why it was in the lead on the Bluesky poll at last check, and I’m totally ok with that.

What would I do there? Maybe I’d do some hiking or biking, see the old penitentiary, hit the botanical garden, and oh yes, I’d eat well. It looks like there are some good spots around town. There’s nothing more fun than exploring someplace new.

• Flights: nonstop mainline or possibly regional, probably first class
• Hotels: easy and inexpensive, and I can stay in the downtown area
• Weather: Mostly sunny with highs in the low 60s

2) Loreto

Loreto has been on my list for years. A little more than halfway down the Baja peninsula on the Sea of Cortés, this town seems like a big retiree ex-pat destination. It has islands off the coast that are part of a UNESCO world heritage site.

What would I do? Maybe I’d take a boat out, though it’s outside of whale-watching season. I could see the historic mission, and since there are a lot of retirees, I assume I could also just find a happy hour starting around noon. There’s always the beach, which will be needed with those hot temps.

• Flights: nonstop on SkyWest, might be able to do first class one way
• Hotels: a bit tricky, probably need to find an Airbnb or a local spot since there are no big chain hotels other than Villa del Palmar, but that’s a golf resort well outside of town and it’s expensive
• Weather: Mostly sunny with highs in the upper 80s

3) Oʻahu

As you well know, this is not a new destination for me at all. But flights would work to do a quick trip to one of my favorite places. I picked this island over the others, because Honolulu is the only place with evening flights which would let me squeeze in an extra night.

What would I do? I’d definitely look to stay in a different part of the island that I don’t know well. That could mean Kāneʻohe Bay or Lāʻie on the windward side, or possibly Waiʻanae on the leeward side, though that requires some extra caution. I’d maybe do a little hiking, and I’d eat well, but I’d probably also look for a volunteer opportunity or something more locally-focused.

• Flights: A330 out in coach and probably a 321neo back in first class, but we’ll see
• Hotels: there are a couple of small independent hotels in town, one of which I’d probably use
• Weather: mid 80s that start partly cloud but it is expected to turn rainy by the middle of the trip

4) Vancouver

Clearly I’ve been to Vancouver as this shot from Capilano shows from three years ago, but who doesn’t love Vancouver? It’s a great city to visit at any time of year.

What would I do here? This would be a mission. My favorite tea spot is in Vancouver, and they stopped shipping to the US for several months now. Sure it might come back some day, and yes I could have someone mail it to me from north of the border, but I could also just go up there and get it myself. I realize that sounds silly, but then… I’m in Vancouver and there is a ton to do there.

• Flights: ideally an American Eagle E175, but space is limited so possibly a connection through PDX or SEA if needed, all coach
• Hotels: cheap and plentiful
• Weather: high 50s and cloudy with a chance of showers

Now it’s time to vote. I’ll leave this open until 6pm PT tonight, October 22. (If you are reading this on email, you have to visit the website to vote)

Disclaimer: Yes, I know I said I would go to the place with the most votes, but I reserve the right to change or cancel if needed. Maybe the flights are no longer available, or I end up catching the flu that’s been going around. If I do change or cancel, it will be for a good reason.

2027 Will Look Familiar

The 2027 awards will be held on February 25, and we’ll be in the same venue as the last couple of years. After last year’s move to the Courtyard, the host hotel is back at home in the Hyatt Regency where we were in 2024.

The Cranky Confab is returning, so make sure you get into town the morning of the 25th so you don’t miss it. We heard your feedback last year that you want more variety in the topics, so we will be doing just that. We’re just about ready to finalize those, but we aren’t ready to tell you just yet.

The Cocktail Reception presented by Arizona Office of Tourism, Visit Phoenix, and Experience Scottsdale is back again. I’ve asked that we get “The Phoenix” cocktail back on the menu, because that was quite tasty.

We’ve been working feverishly on new award categories this year, and if you’re attending, please make sure to bring cash if you want to see our fabulous spectacular tribute to Spirit Airlines starring Ethel Merman. We charge $17.99 per person, per minute to see that part of the show, because it will be held in a vacated Spirit Halloween store and that doesn’t come cheap.

The Afterparty is once again hosted by our friends at Oakland San Francisco Bay Airport, Visit Oakland, and Visit Berkeley. As promised, there will be an outdoor space available so you can take advantage of the weather before you head back home to the frozen tundra. (Yes, we’re talking to you, United.)

As always, we’ll have the much-loved Forecast Breakfast presented by Tampa International Airport. This year it’ll be in the same spot as the Afterparty, so if you’ve had too much to drink and are hungover, it’ll be easy to find.

Is anything changing? Well, sadly, our post-breakfast plans probably have no choice. We’ve historically done a spring training game that afternoon, but anyone who is watching the looming player lockout is well aware that spring training starting on time in February is less likely to happen that the LAX people mover opening in the next year.

Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport is Here to Stay

Once 2027’s event is done, then we can turn our focus into the future. One thing we don’t have to worry about is where it’ll be. I’m happy to announce we now have a long-term deal to keep the Cranky Network Awards in Phoenix through at least 2030. This is actually really exciting for us, because it gives us the long-term security and flexibility we need to be able to build this event out to be even better in the future.

Besides, we know you love warming up a little in the desert winter, and flight options tend to work well for people coming into town. It’s a natural fit, and we are thankful that PHX loves the event as well. PHX Aviation Director Chad Makovsky had this to say:

The Cranky Network Awards might just be the most fun awards celebration in the industry, and we’re thrilled that Cranky Flier is committed to hosting them right here in Phoenix through 2030.

This event is an opportunity to recognize and celebrate the great work of our partners in the airline industry, and we look forward to continuing to welcome them to Phoenix. Phoenix is a dynamic city that continues to innovate, grow, and thrive. There’s simply no better place to showcase that momentum than at Sky Harbor, where we continue to develop modern airport facilities and enhance service offerings to elevate the experience for our passengers.

This event remains invite-only, and those will be coming soon enough. If you have any questions, just email us at cna@crankyflier.com. Or if you’d like to discuss a sponsorship, we’re at cna-sponsor@crankyflier.com.

This isn’t an issue for the NFL where no teams exist outside the US. It’s also not much of an issue for the NBA and MLB because there is only one team outside the US in each, both in Toronto. (The other Canadian baseball team is technically in Washington, DC now. Long live the Expos!) But in the NHL, it gets complicated very quickly since there are 25 teams in the US but also seven in Canada.

Both Canada and the US prohibit cabotage, where an airline based in one country would fly local passengers solely within the other country’s borders. That makes it a lot harder to manage charters on the surface.

All of the Canadian teams charter with Air Canada Jetz. AC Jetz uses five aircraft in an all-premium configuration, similar to what Delta does with its dedicated fleet of charter B757s. But what happens when those Canadian teams need to fly within the US? Next week, the Montreal Canadiens are in St Louis on October 27 to play the Blues, and then they have to go to Dallas to play the Stars on the 29th. Can Air Canada do that? Or does the team need to hire a US-based airline? Or does that team fly all the way back to Canada and then come back south?

The logistical nightmare of all of this became clear years ago, and in 2009 there was a settlement where the Canadian and US authorities decided to solidify simplified rules for teams on season-long charter contracts that need to fly within other countries.

Sean Davidson, Air Canada Spokesperson, pointed me to a recent ruling in Canada on a JetBlue contract that clearly spells out how this works. That was helpful, because I can’t find anything in writing from the US side.

In effect, don’t think of these as individual flights, but one months-long flight with a whole bunch of stops along the way. That means it’s technically not cabotage, but there are some rules around this. And here’s how that works:

• At the beginning of each season, the charter carrier has to submit its charter contract to the government with start and end dates along with a roster of who is permitted to be on the plane for each team
• The roster must include only team employees or contractors and nobody else
• If the roster changes — you know, people get hired, players get traded, etc — then the government has to be notified within seven days of the change
• At the end of each month, a report has to be submitted to the government showing that each person onboard has flown at least once back into the team’s home country
• If someone hasn’t been to the team’s home country — think about maybe an injury or someone who was traded while the team was already in the other country, I suppose — then a plan to rectify that has to be submitted and completed within two months
• The carrier must have a compliance officer dedicated to making sure that only those people fly on the aircraft who are on that roster
• At the end of the season, a letter must be submitted affirming that no rules were broken

This seems like a very fair solution to allow Canadian airlines to use their charter operators the whole way through the season while US carriers can do the same with theirs. But here’s a twist. Below I have a map of all the teams. There are a lot of outliers here. Do you see them?

No, it’s not the question marks. Those are airlines who seem to use multiple providers right now. St Louis has used JetBlue, GlobalX, and Sun Country while Columbus has flown Breeze and JetBlue. New Jersey has taken both of the two big players, Air Canada and Delta. These three and more were part of a larger cohort that used to be flown by Swift (later iAero) before it went under. New Pacific came in to take that business, but as we all know, that airline failed too, in the middle of last season. There was a mad scramble to replace them, but it’s Air Canada and Delta which continue to hold the largest share.

Anyway, back to the point. You’ll notice that Air Canada is not just handling Canadian teams anymore. It is the charter carrier behind Buffalo, Carolina, Chicago, Colorado, Dallas, Nashville, New York (Islanders), Pittsburgh, and Seattle. Some of these airlines have been with Air Canada for years while others came over after the New Pacific failure, but now this is something different.

You have a US-based team working with a Canadian airline. That airline has to fly to and from Canada to make this not cabotage, but that isn’t hard to do since all the teams play on both sides of the border throughout the season. Still, it seems different when a Canadian airline is allowed to fly a US-based team within the US.

I haven’t heard any objections to this so far, and maybe there won’t be. After all, these are pretty specialized operations that can properly handle this work, so it’s not like there’s a huge pool to choose from. But then again, all it takes is one US-based airline that wants this business to file a complaint.

If you’re curious, the Detroit Red Wings own their own B737-800 that is technically operated by Olympia Aviation.

This is something that has been on my mind for awhile now, especially as the airline has gone through rapid changes to its business model. The whole pitch was basically, “sure, we’re like everyone else but our people are our differentiator.” Every airline says this, but Southwest may actually be closest to having that be a true statement. Southwest has always empowered its people to take care of customers and have fun doing it.

This photo above started as one I took on a flight on Halloween in 2023. As you can see, this flight attendant — who was not actually CEO Bob Jordan, to be clear — was dressed as Thing 4, and there was also a Thing 3. (I’m guessing there was a 1 and 2, but I didn’t see them.) They were having fun and it was infectious. We’ve all been on a Southwest flight where there were jokes cracked or songs sung. Maybe it wasn’t so welcome on that 6am departure, but it was Southwest. And more often than not, it was good.

Of course, a company that is able to foster this has to push it down from the top. Former President Colleen Barrett was there at the beginning as a legal secretary to former Chairman and CEO Herb Kelleher, and she was the true keeper of the heart of that company. She made sure that the culture was strong for decades… so strong you could argue it was cult-like, though fortunately I never heard any reports about a mass suicide pact. But when it comes to the goofiness, well, Herb stole that show with his legendary irreverence. We’ve all heard the stories. The paper bag on the head, the arm-wrestling match…

^{Image via Southwest Airlines}

That goofiness permeated the company in so many ways, and the way the front line acted was a result of that leadership setting the tone. This was serious business, but what good was it if you couldn’t have fun along the way?

Over the years, Southwest grew up. It had to. The airline just kept getting bigger, and it had no choice. But it still set the tone for being just a little off, in the right way. By the the end of 2008, Southwest had more than 35,000 employees stretching coast to coast, but they still managed the annual Halloween event. I was a judge that year, so I saw it first hand. And man, I was not prepared for that cultural explosion.

Southwest being different bled over into the naming conventions of everything. It was a subtle reminder that the airline shouldn’t take itself too seriously. The bigger the airline got, the more important those things were. Even products like EarlyBird check-in or Wanna Get Away fares, which weren’t introduced until the mid 2000s, fall into that category. Maybe it didn’t even register when you saw it, but these all subtly helped carry-on that culture that Southwest worked so hard to build.

Over the last few years, we’ve seen the disappearance of a lot of what makes Southwest different. Bags were no longer included in the fare, open seating was killed off, you know that story. But here’s the thing. All of those changes could have been made while still trying to keep that fun persona in place. Some of these changes were necessary. Others felt rushed, but that’s not what I’m arguing here. What I’m arguing is that it should have been more fun.

The naming conventions all started to change. For example:

• Wanna Get Away/Wanna Geta Away+ fares -> Basic and Choice fares
• Fly By priority security and check-in -> Priority Lane check-in and Express Lane security
• EarlyBird check-in -> Priority Boarding

And this brings me back to the most recent media day where this trend seems to have been solidified. Southwest rolled out the first renderings of its lounges, and it gave us a name: Southwest Icon Lounge. That’s not fun or playful. It’s just, well, I’m not sure how to characterize it. It is unique, I’ll give them that. But I don’t really feel connected to Southwest when I hear that name.

A good example of how to infuse your culture into naming is JetBlue and it’s new BlueHouse lounges. That feels like the JetBlue brand. Of course it’s “blue,” but it also has a less-formal-but-still-quality sense to it with the “house” part. JetBlue is not a fun and playful brand, so it should be different than Southwest. Here it feels informal, cozy, and inviting.

The lounge is really the tip of the iceberg, because now we have the rejiggered Southwest Rapid Rewards program. Gone are A-List and A-List Preferred as status levels. Those were more playful, like you’re a star on the Southwest red carpet. But now? You’ll never guess what they’re going with.

Silver. Gold. Platinum.

Ok, maybe you did guess it. (Platinum, by the way, is a new level which holds the companion pass.) And how do you get these? Well, you earn Tier Qualifying Points (TQPs). And don’t worry if you can’t get to the next level, because you can earn Milestone Rewards in between.

It feels like this could have been written about pretty much any airline’s loyalty program. And the messaging now feels like the attempts at fun are forced. Just watch the two-minute video introducing the program, and I’ll bet you cringe at least a couple times. Or look at the webpage describing the change, which seems to be filled with stock photos. (Side note: Using a photo of Paris to demonstrate the ability to redeem points on China Airlines, Icelandair, and Etihad seems like… a choice.)

Again, this isn’t to suggest change is bad. The point is that you can separate the language you use from the changing product, and you should. Because words matter. Southwest used to understand that more clearly. Today, it seems that Southwest wants to use language as a way to bolster the belief that it is no longer the fun airline it used to be. The words suggest the opposite, that Southwest is trying to be more like everyone else.

Customers might see it, but Southwest can be sure employees will. And while many may not luv it, they will end up taking it to heart. That’s something that just didn’t need to happen.

Southwest Overhauls Rapid Rewards

Another day and another dramatic change for Southwest Airlines — the carrier shared its 2027 Rapid Rewards Program and things sure are going to look different.

The carrier is leaving no stone unturned — everything is changing. New elite tiers, companion pass changes, new ways to redeem points, and new names. A-List and A-List preferred are gone and in their place will be their cleverly named Silver, Gold, and Platinum. A-List members will transition to silver, A-List Preferred will match to Gold, and Platinum status will require a blood sacrifice at Herb’s final resting place and a blood oath signed with Chase.

And believe it or not, credit card spend is going up as far as how much spend counts towards status. Companion pass isn’t dead, but it’s continuing its inevitable death march. It’s now a part of Platinum Status, which means spending $140k on your credit card or a whole bunch of butt-in-seat flying. But credit card fans rejoice — beginning in 2027, every dollar spent on a Rapid Rewards credit card from Chase earns one point towards status!

Additionally next year, Southwest plans to initiate the opportunity to use RR points for seat selection (perhaps you heard — Southwest now assigns seats) while RR points for car rentals through southwest.com is expected to be live before the end of ’27. And yes, redemptions on other airlines are coming as well, starting with the Big Three… China Airlines, Etihad, and Icelandair.

Delta Unveils Delta One (2.0)

For reasons unclear to us, Delta isn’t calling its newest business class upgrades Delta One Two Point Oh (or even the simpler Delta Two), but the carrier did announce upgrades to its on-board soft product including food, drinks, amenities, and the addition of a 12 x 12 yoga studio for premium passengers on long-haul flights of 12 hours or more. To make efficient use of the space, Delta is cutting two FAs from each flight in exchange for one yoga instructor and an athletic trainer to deal with on-board muscle pulls and tears.

Revamped service will be live out of LAX this fall with the rest of the network being added next year. Delta is adding reimagined menus (we assume that means the food on offer and not the literal menus being reimagined with new fonts, colors, and paper), with enhanced hospitality and tableware. In reality that means a new Delta One wagyu burger (which we assume is the Shake Shack burger on fancy plating), lighter-fare, Blanton’s (bourbon), and a new wine program.

The service will also feature new winter amenity kits, Bombas socks on select flights, and more Porsches in its fleet to offer priority connecting service for a select chosen few. Anyone curious on what’s in the amenity kit should just hold tight as they’ll surely end up in bulk on eBay any day now.

United Enhances MileagePlus Qualification

While United’s 2027 MileagePlus changes aren’t nearly as dramatic as Southwest’s, the airline did make elite qualifying more difficult, eliminating a path which includes fewer points paired with Premier Qualifying Flights. Through 2026, United customers could earn elite status through PQP earned, but a sliding scale of increasing qualifying flights allowed for fewer PQP to earn equivalent status. In 2027, that pathway goes away and it’s PQP or bust.

It seems the goal here is to reduce the swells of 1K members as silver, gold, and platinum qualification standards are unchanged while 1K qualification jumps from 28,000 PQP annually to 32,000. Delta famously reduced its MQD spend for Diamond from 35,000 annually to 28,000 in 2023 — it seems this move by UA opens the door for Delta to raise its threshold as well.

United is also removing the other flight requirements, but keeping the rule that elite members must fly on at least four United or United Express flights per year. Customers with the United-branded credit card will still receive a PQP boost to get a head start on everyone else.

Breeze Blows from Myrtle Beach

Breeze Airways unveiled a major network expansion this week, including four new destinations and 16 new nonstop flights, including a whopping 11 to the Grand Strand — Myrtle Beach.

The routes to and from MYR being added to Breeze’s nice network map include this 11, all of which will operate 2x weekly unless noted:

• Albany
• Boston (1x daily)
• Buffalo
• Burlington
• Columbus
• Latrobe (PA)
• New Haven
• Portland (ME)
• Portsmouth (NH)
• New York/Stewart
• Syracuse

Other new flights for Breeze in the non-MYR division, also at 2x weekly unless noted:

• Buffalo: Charleston (SC), Raleigh-Durham (4x weekly)
• Orlando: Latrobe (PA)
• Raleigh/Durham: Nassau
• Tampa: Santo Domingo

The carrier also announced six new BreezeThru one-stop routes for those who want the Breeze experience but for longer with the extra bonus that you could be stranded somewhere new and exciting.

Lufthansa Wins TAP Battle

It’s been more than a year since the Portuguese government relaunched its effort to privatize TAP Air Portugal and the government selected Lufthansa over Air France-KLM for the very specific 44.9% stake in the carrier. 5% will go to the employees of the airline while the government will keep a 50.1% stake and majority control — for now.

Lufthansa won out over its rival as it offered an all-cash deal while the AF/KL offering included some cash and a stock swap. The Portuguese government says the first phase of the deal will bring it €1.2 billion in cash, and with Lufthansa taking over operational management of the airline, it values the deal at €2.552 billion and that’s before taking into account the eight capacity-controlled passes the government received to the LH Senator Lounge B (non-Schengen) in Frankfurt.

TAP, of course, is already a member of the Star Alliance family, but its not a member of the Atlantic JV. To smooth the entrance, we suggest combining with Lufthansa’s other recent prize, ITA, to form a single new airline called AliTAPia to enter the JV.

• Aegean named Michalis Kouveliotis as its new CEO.
• Air India‘s second Japanese destination was unveiled to be Osaka.
• Air Tahiti took delivery of an all-business class ATR 72-600.
• Air Vanuatu is mulling.
• AirAsia is looking for funding from the Malaysian government.
• airBaltic has an offer for its ACMI ops.
• Delta‘s flight to Riyadh is totally going to operate in March. Seriously. No joke. It’s fully committed to the route.
• Finnair‘s profit guidance is trending upward.
• ITA is adding Rome – Caracas service beginning March 30. The route will operate 3x weekly or whenever ITA damn well pleases.
• JAL is bringing the E190-E2 into the fold.
• Kenya Airways saw $350 million approved from the Kenyan government.
• Oman Air is is adding capacity.
• Philippine Airlines would prefer to lessen its tax bill.
• Qantas‘s nine-year partnership with Air New Zealand is coming to an end.
• Ryanair is leaving Bremen over a fee dispute. Of course it is.
• Singapore is finally bringing pajamas to business class. We’ll all sleep better tonight.
• VietJet Air is beginning Prague service.
• Viva‘s merger with Volaris is expected to receive Mexican antitrust approval.

I would tell you my autumn joke, but you probably wouldn’t fall for it

Nat is a fleet guy, and his career history shows that. At Northwest, he was in finance where he handled fleet transactions starting in the 1990s. When Northwest and Delta merged, he was chosen to be the VP of Fleet Strategy and Transactions. Then when he went to Alaska, he joined as the SVP of Fleet, Finances, and Alliances (and also Treasurer). He’s seen a lot of fleet action, and he has plenty of stories to go with it.

A conversation with Nat can quickly turn to a previous fleet deal he was involved in to illustrate a point. For example, when he was telling me about the importance of joint venture partners splitting flying evenly to all have enough skin in the game, he remembered a story back in the Northwest days that showed how seriously they took that responsibility.

^{N240NW, formerly with Thai Airways Pieter van Marion from Netherlands, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons}

My first fleet project, I had to go buy four DC-10s from Thai Airways, which were so corroded, but we had to get capacity into the market… Those were the worst airplane deals of all time, but we had to get airplanes to make sure we hit the threshold. And yeah there was financial recompense, you could have paid it, but it was the principle. Do what you need to do so that we’re going to be 50/50.

That may have been a terrible deal, but it got the job done. And while Northwest loved its old airplanes — “our DC-9s were 40 years old, but they were fully depreciated, and we had the best unit costs on the planet” — it did also adopt newer aircraft, buying the B747-400 and the A330 in their early days. The latter, it turns out, is one of Nat’s favorites.

^{Image via Delta}

…the A330-300s, the first ones we bought at NW and then to Delta, which led to the A330-900… It’s the perfect Atlantic airplane.

I asked if he still stays that as an American employee since they are all Boeing widebody today, and he said “yeah, I say it as a fleet person.”

He had a lot more to do when he went into Delta after the merger. As he explained it, “I was in Atlanta, we were third of three. We did the merger first. We were struggling financially.” At the time, this meant looking for good deals on airplanes, and the MD-90 ended up being an opportunity.

^{Later N961DN at Delta, contri from Yonezawa-Shi, Yamagata, Japan, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons}

I wasn’t traveling all over the world buying MD-90s because I liked the airplane the best. We knew we needed to [buy airplanes]. We didn’t have the money and we didn’t have the balance sheet to be able to do it. So we [bought the MD-90s], and we started generating return on capital.

It wasn’t that simple, of course. The reason it really worked was thanks to former Delta President Glen Hauenstein’s plan on what to do with those airplanes.

I remember having some conversations early with Glen. We were bringing back MD-90s from China Southern, and he’s basically like, “Great. How much you pay for that airplane, 10 million bucks? How much does a new one cost? 45 [million]? Okay, let’s take a couple million of those that we saved and put video on the airplane, new interior, etc.”

And I remember thinking — finance brain — why in the world would we put [in-seat entertainment] on a 20-year old airplane? But it was ubiquity, and that was all part of it. And I remember telling him a year later, “God, you were totally right on this. Brilliant.”

When Nat went to Alaska, this was a simpler fleet to work with, but there were still decisions to be made. How long do you keep the Virgin America Airbuses? What kind of new B737s do you order? Bigger was better.

[At Alaska, evaluating with now-President Shane Tackett], seat cost on the [B737 MAX] 10 is so much better than the 9. If we had had all three airplanes available to us at the beginning to make the first order, we would have done nothing but order 10s.

You can get a sense of Nat’s upbringing in the industry, and how that has colored how he views fleet, but this is all ancient history. He is at American now, so I wanted to get into that. Of course, you have to work with the fleet you have and then try to improve it. The way he explains this philosophy is that it’s a process.

You start with the network and you say, okay, what’s my optimal fleet? Then you invert that, and you say, nope, here are the airplanes that I have. How does your network change if you apply that? And you’re never going to do only one or only the other, but you’re going to mix and match, and you’re going to learn things from both.

While that is true, there are needs that can’t be met with the existing fleet, especially if the vision changes to something different. We started with widebodies, and yes, American needs more of them. That’s why an order is coming very soon.

We have 45 international-capable airplanes delivering between 2027 and 2030, and then the widebody order that is out there. We will get something done there in the next couple of months… another 50, 60, 70 airplanes starting in 2030 and beyond.

I then got philosophical with him, asking what his dream was. I wanted to know what’s not in the fleet that he wishes was. The answer? The MAX 10. Of course, those are on order, and they will be coming, so that seemed like cheating. Besides, they already have that same gauge with the A321neo, so I asked why this was his first pick. He said that it was important to have that balance with manufacturers. But in the end, it’s that size airplane that he cares about.

On the American side, that large narrowbody, whether it’s [A]321s, whether it’s MAX 10s. Airports, you know, gate constraints, etc, you want the most efficient airplanes you can, which leads you to bigger,

Since the MAX 10 doesn’t provide any additional capability compared to the A321neo, I asked what capability he doesn’t have today that he wants. His answer was more focused on efficiency than actual capability.

…the [A]319s, the 100- to 120-, 130-seat bucket. They’re really inefficient airplanes, and so part of it is, okay, that’s what you have, but part of it also is, they’re really inefficient…. Yes, we’re going to do a widebody deal, but you know, we’re not going to go out and buy 300 new airplanes to go replace 319s prematurely. You’re going to run those as long as you can, because that’s where we are.

That brought me to my final fleet question, and a pointed one at that. If the A319s are so inefficient, why not go and buy a fleet of efficient Embraer E2s? Besides, it looks good…

^{Original image via Embraer, AI-generated livery from Gemini}

This is a gauge United is actively walking away from and Delta has A220s that it tends to use in different ways. I have to think Embraer would give American the deal of the century to get into that market, so why not?

Well, it turns out, there actually are limits to how much American will spend these days.

I think the concept of that sized airplane is there. I think where we sit from a capital perspective, if I had unlimited capital and just could wave a magic wand, it would be in the hierarchy of “go replace A319s with a more efficient airplane.” Right now. I think it’s more efficient to invest in 777-300ERs, invest in 200ERs, invest in 319 and 320 [modifications].”

And that is how Nat currently views American’s fleet. Stay tuned for that widebody order coming soon. I tried to get any sense from him about whether it was Airbus or Boeing, but he wouldn’t budge. Still, I do note that the A330-900neo being the “perfect Europe airplane” in his eyes could be a clue.

Listen on Spotify Listen on Apple Podcasts How about a little more AA this week? You’ll want to listen to The Air Show where Brian and I talk more about my conversation with Nat. Let’s just say that Brian is pretty fired up, and he has some strong opinions. Positive or negative? I think you know the answer…

Here is a map of what is happening:

The old terminals are highlighted in red on the map. This first opened nearly 100 years ago, and it was in no way capable of handling large jets.

The holdrooms are tiny, the ticket counters are crowded, and the security checkpoints are very undersized. It has operated surprisingly well considering all of the problems there, but none of this even takes into account the safety issues.

The terminal is far too close to runway 8/26. Aircraft land from the west during normal configuration, so the taxi time ends up being about 10 seconds, but if something goes wrong, it could easily wipe the terminal out.

The last time something went really wrong was in 2000 when a Southwest B737-300 ran off the end of the runway into Hollywood Way and ended up just short of a gas station. I put that on the map so you could see where it was. The gas station has mercifully been razed, and EMAS has been installed to prevent overruns, but it is still dangerously close to the physical terminal.

There have been efforts to fix this for about 40 years, but angry community-members who would rather see the airport closed fought it at every turn. It was one of the more terrible displays of NIMBYism out there. But it was finally overcome, and now, that green building on the map is ready for primetime.

The new terminal was built on top of the old Lockheed Skunk Works, also the location where some L-1011s were built. That was abandoned ages ago, and it was mostly razed in the 1990s. If you look on the map, that roadway into the new terminal goes around a giant Amazon warehouse that was built on most of the property. But this part was kept open for a new terminal.

The approach in has a nice view of the runway, and then there’s the terminal in front of you with a cool-looking wing-like structure connecting the parking garage at right with the terminal at left. (You can’t walk on or in it, you have to cross at ground level.)

I pulled into the new short-term parking garage that goes up to level six which, as I found out, has a very nice review of departing aircraft which tend to use runway 15 during a regular day.

From up there, you can look down on the roadway. This is a single level airport, so there is only this one roadway.

Entering the terminal under the canopy, you are drawn to the center of the structure.

Just inside is where the TSA screening will be, but it was not fully in place for this event.

To the right of this is a long line of ticket counters. Actually, it’s not all that long. It’s just not that big of an airport.

And to the left is the baggage claim area with three carousels.

Once you pass through security, there is a large space for sitting and waiting along with some food and drink options.

From there, if you’re looking out at the ramp, you can turn right to go to gates 1 to 9.

The gate areas look pretty standard, just what you’d expect to see. The holdrooms on this side are in groups of threes before there’s another structure to separate gates.

An interesting quirk here is that the ground is not level. To keep the terminal level, there had to be slight inclines every three gates to keep it aligned with the ramp. You can see this outside.

Southwest brought California One in for the event. You might not care about that, nor will you care about how the airplane is lined up parallel to the terminal. But these are the ramps that will be used for boarding. That’s right. The new facility uses ground-boarding still, and people are pretty happy about that. (We’ll see how they feel after this El Niño-fueled winter….)

The final five gates are on the other side of the central lobby area, but I don’t need to show you those. They look the same. What Burbank wants you to know is that there are still 14 gates in this terminal just like in the old facility. This is just a much better experience for all, and a safer one.

This shift will cause heartburn for some people. If you’re renting a car? That is staying in the old Intermodal Transit Center which is going to require a shuttle now. You used to be able to walk from the terminal. And if you like to take Amtrak or ride the Ventura County Metrolink line, you’re going to need that shuttle as well. All of that is on the south side as the map shows.

If you take the Antelope Valley Metrolink line, however, then you are now within walking distance of that station on the north side. You can also take a shuttle.

In the end, this is a better setup, and they’ve done it right. It feels like Long Beach but the center is just enclosed instead of open air. It wasn’t cheap to build, but it was reasonable. Burbank has been an absolute bargain up until now for airlines with the cost per enplanement sitting right around $2 today. That is wild. It will now rise, with this report from April saying it will get close to $25.50, but Ned Russell says it will only get to $20.19.

Either way, that’s a number that LAX could only dream of, and it’s not out of line for this area.

If you’re coming from or heading to that part of town, give the new terminal a shot on your next trip. It’s going to be a very nice experience.

This all starts with a vision for the airline, something that has either been completely lacking or more charitably, just not shared publicly in recent years. Nat has a very simple and clear vision, and he delivered it to me with conviction.

We want to be the premier global airline based in the US.

You probably chuckled at that like I did, but he doesn’t come at this from a naïve perspective. He understands this is a tall mountain to climb, but the goal has been set high to provide a direction. It’s the airline’s north star or, if you will, its… Polaris. (Sorry, I just couldn’t resist.)

There are obviously an incredible number of things that would have to happen for American to achieve this, and my skepticism meter is off the charts. But if you’re going to go this direction, you have to start somewhere. Right now, one of the important initiatives is to improve the airline’s position in the biggest, richest cities of New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago.

Nat admitted that the airline’s sun-focused network strategy had damaged American’s ability to attract local traffic in other hubs, and he has the network team working to get that back. This includes places like Philadelphia and Phoenix, but also Los Angeles. And this is how we got into the discussion about what American will do in the future at LAX.

American had built LAX into its Pacific gateway pre-pandemic, but then it scaled back dramatically. Not only was the Pacific network culled, but the domestic operation lost utility as well. Meanwhile, Delta has been making a run at Los Angeles, lately adding new international headliners like Hong Kong alongside domestic spots such as Philly and even Monterey. Delta’s 27-gate terminal complex was under construction for years, but it was accelerated during the pandemic, and now it is a finished product which can support that growth.

If American wants to ramp up LAX, then it has to first fix the own goal it made of cutting back. But it can’t really do that, as Nat confirmed, because of all the gate construction. Terminal 4 has been in phased construction for years now, and it is down several gates. Terminal 5 was razed, and it’s being rebuilt in time for the 2028 Olympics. American has had to scatter its operation not only into the far-away Eagle’s Nest regional gates but also into the Bradley Terminal, sometimes pretty distant from the rest of the operation.

Nat says this needs to be completed before American can really grow LAX, though he does say to expect growth to start next year and ramp up slowly.

Once construction is done, American will have all 15 gates in Terminal 4 and 10 of the 15 in Terminal 5. At least, that’s the plan now, but Nat isn’t happy with that. “We want all 30 gates in the two terminals.”

Then they can rebuild LAX by adding about 50 daily flights to the 130-140 they have today. That’s down from the 200 they had pre-pandemic. (For the record, Delta is in the 150-160 range while United is more like 140-145.)

I initially wondered if this was going to be more of a domestic build-up, but Nat quickly ended that thought. He said that a single Terminal 4/5 complex with one security checkpoint at LAX is what “becomes the platform to start flying our metal back into Asia with our airplanes.”

This is going to be an uphill climb considering how much Delta and United have backfilled since American pulled down.

Big 3 Percent of Combined Long-Haul Seats from LAX

^{Data via Cirium}

As the gray bar shows, the big three combined are at a higher aggregate number of long-haul seats in 2027 than they were pre-pandemic, but American has shrunk from having more than 50 percent of seats to less than 30 percent. So how do you regain what was lost?

American’s pandemic plan in LA seemed to be to rely on joint venture and oneworld partners to create a global presence for American. But Nat does not like that one bit thanks to his experience running alliances at Northwest. It sounds like this is a point where there has been some disagreement at the top, but as Nat sees it:

I fundamentally believe we need to fly our own airplanes to the big markets in the world, if you’re going to be a premier global airline based in the US. You have to. It’s awesome to have partners do it also, because you know, back to your joint venture business, 1 + 1 = 3…. But I think the best partnerships, again back to the [Northwest/KLM] idea, not only do they need each other but 50/50 was the rule…. Those partnerships work best when both carriers have metal in the market.

Nat seems clear-eyed in realizing you can’t just add airplanes back and assume they will magically make money. He’s starting the ground game now, explaining that was why he was in Los Angeles in the first place. He was there to meet with the airport, local leaders, and have further conversations about what American wants to be in the LA Basin.

But is it really not too late for this? Nat believes what everyone knows to be true, that nobody will outright win the LA market. That means there is always a chance to improve your position. It’s a matter of being competitive and doing the kind of flying that people want in order to claw back into a better place.

First and foremost you need the facility, and then you need the loyalty program. You need a meaningful schedule for locals…. I think for us, as all of the pieces come together — the schedule that we will fly here, focused on the local market… we feel confident that drives a lot of things as well.

So, American will start the process now of trying to build a broad global schedule focused on the needs of the local LA market. LA will become the airline’s Pacific gateway, and it will eventually strengthen alongside Alaska’s growing Seattle gateway as part of the joint ventures across both oceans. We can all agree this is a grand plan. Whether it works, well, like I said, keep me on the skeptic list. Either way, it is nice to see American actually have any kind of broad, forward-thinking vision. It’s been awhile.

Listen on Spotify Listen on Apple Podcasts Who doesn’t love a long chat about joint ventures? We talk about the history, how DOT views them, and what this might mean for Alaska joining with the big boys this week.

Southwest? B787? You Must be Dreaming

Unconfirmed reports this week emerged that Southwest has its eye on gently-used B787s to start a potential future long-haul operation. As we know — since its inception — Southwest has flown one airplane (with a brief B727 excursion): The B737. It’s operated multiple variants of the 737, but at the end of the day, every aircraft in its colors would bleed B737 oil if you cut it.

Is that changing? We would file this one under “premature, at best.” Just getting a contract that pilots will agree on is going to take ages in its own right. But it may happen at some point since if Southwest wants to begin flying far enough from its Texas roots, then the B737 isn’t gonna make it.

If there is a miraculous ability to check all the required boxes to make this happen quickly, there just might be a few Dreamliners available for lease. The report suggests Southwest wants to begin a long-haul network within three years — and Dreamliner orders are sold out well until the next decade — leaving few options. Most notably, Norse Atlantic, the carrier for people named Bjørn, just so happens to have a handful of Dreamliners and a desire to increase its liquidity.

While getting nonstop service, especially overseas is often important for airlines and markets they serve, folks stuck in a middle seat in the back of this aircraft would probably be thinking just one thing the entire flight: “Wanna get away?”

American Goes All-in on StAArlink

American Airlines made a nearly comprehensive commitment to Starlink this week when the carrier said it would be adding Starlink to its entire fleet of mainline aircraft. This builds on the announcement previously made this summer in which it said it expected to add the speedy internet connectivity to its fleet of Airbus planes. With Boeing having more than 530 aircraft in AA’s fleet, this is a significant addition. It omits regional carriers, which rival United has been rapidly outfitting with Starlink, but it will still put American miles ahead of Delta. The Widget remains the lone airline among the five biggest U.S. carriers hoping that Jeff Bezos will be better than Elon Musk… someday.

Installation on the airplanes is expected to begin early next year — which is the equivalent of emergency surgery at the pace AA usually goes. Delta remains committed to Amazon Leo — for now. Along with JetBlue, no one else seems willing to pivot away from Starlink in the domestic skies, and this is sure to continue to play itself out — provided your internet doesn’t cut out.

JetBlue’s LGA Slot Purchase Approved

The FAA signed off on JetBlue’s acquisition of Spirit’s 22 slots at New York/LGA for a price tag of $58.5 million. As part of the approval, JetBlue is prohibited from selling or leasing the slots to another carrier until after April 2028. The FAA declined requests from the public to restrict the slots to a ULCC or to require JetBlue to hold the slots for five years into the future.

JetBlue then requested — and received — a waiver for LGA’s use ’em-or-lose ’em through April of 2027, which means the carrier will only have to operate them for a year (at 80% usage or higher) before the airline can look into a sale or lease, clearly to that airline which is trying to crowdsource a Spirit replacement which will definitely have so much money to spend.

Alaska, Breeze Form a Unique Partnership

Alaska Airlines has a new relationship with Breeze Airways, and it appears to be blowing in a cozy direction as Alaska is selling tickets for travel on Breeze via alaskaair.com, and it is awarding Atmos Rewards points for that.

Despite this new development, the partnership is limited. Alaska is only selling nonstop Breeze flights in markets that Alaska doesn’t operate in — there’s not yet the opportunity to buy connecting itinearies on both airlines, so the discerning traveler with the weekly CAK-PUW itinerary tragically can’t just go one stop through Seattle. Those three markets to start are Charleston (SC), Las Vegas, and Raleigh/Durham.

Is it the start of a larger relationship? Or is a nothing-burger that’s providing some conversation and nothing more? We’ll find out. For more on this breath of fresh air, please visit Tuesday’s post on the topic at crankyflier.com.

Porter Grows in London (No, Not That London)

Porter Airlines, the Canadian airline that could, announced five new year-round destinations from London, ON (YXU) to confirmed, actual cities in Canada: Edmonton, Halifax, Montreal, and Ottawa.

This announcement comes on the heels of Porter adding seasonal service to several sun destinations from the airport.

The new flights from London are:

• Halifax (1x daily on an E195-E2 begins April 12)
• Vancouver (11x weekly on an E195-E2 begins April 12)
• Edmonton (1x daily on an E195-E2 begins May 6)
• Ottawa (20x weekly on a Dash 8-400 begins April 12)
• Montréal/Metropolitan (YHU) (20x weekly on a Dash 8-400 begins April 12)

• Air France is adding two new destinations next summer, both operating 3x weekly: Nashville and San Diego
• Air India is adding first class for its Sydney flights.
• Air Peace added the 18th Embraer to its fleet.
• American is expected to open a new lounge in Charlotte in about 18 months.
• Azul received permission from the Brazilian givernment to move forward with American’s $100 million investment.
• Caribbean Airlines is adding to Toronto.
• Delta continues to brace for higher fuel prices.
• Etihad signed an interline agreement with the poorly named Nigerian carrier Ibom Air.
• Flyadeal is adding Mumbai to its route map.
• Icelandair will add 4x weekly service to St. Louis beginning in May.
• IndiGo is raising its fuel surcharge.
• JAL opened its updated domestic lounges at Tokyo/HND this week.
• KLM showed its newest Delft Blue House off this week as it celebrated its 107th anniversary.
• LATAM‘s JV with Delta turned four.
• PIA beat Southwest to the punch.
• Qantas applied for increased service to Indonesia.
• Ryanair is headed (back) to court.
• SkyWest won an EAS bid to fly to Bradford, PA, news which is a BFD for the region.
• ZIPAIR is adding 3x weekly service to Toronto next year, marking its second destination in Canada.

Did you hear about the scientist that was trying to cross a cheetah’s DNA with a crab?

Things went sideways real fast.