Crazy Journo

Wanted: A bride for Ajmal Kasab

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 19:30:00 +0000

NEW DELHI (T2N2) - Prison officials at Mumbai’s Arthur Road Jail are on the lookout for a bride for its most famous occupant -- Ajmal Amir Kasab.

Kasab turns 25 on Sept. 13 and the young man, on death row in the 2008 Mumbai attacks case, has reportedly expressed a longing for wedded bliss.

Critics are divided on whether Kasab can be described as India’s most eligible bachelor, considering he is of Pakistani origin.

Kasab, who single-handedly mowed down scores of commuters with his AK-47 at Mumbai’s main train station on Nov. 26, 2008, hasn’t worked for a living since.

Now ensconced at the Arthur Road facility, Kasab has a high-security cell all to himself, where he spends time reading books in Urdu and exercising to keep fit. Jail buffets can’t compete with five-star hotel menus, but this valuable prisoner can’t complain about not getting chicken any more -- after all, recent studies have shown vegetarian food has more health benefits.

Kasab also has an exclusive bullet-proof ward at a Mumbai hospital, in case he ever falls sick -- which is unlikely, since his health is monitored regularly by doctors who dote on him in jail.

Indeed, several firms have requested Kasab to endorse life insurance policies, since he’s so confident of dying a natural death despite court verdicts that are not in his favour.

The Maharashtra government has already spent over 260 million rupees on his upkeep -- a luxury denied even to the heirs of Indian billionaires.

Prison officials are planning to organise a television reality show for Kasab to choose his own bride. The lucky winner will be allowed to spend time in the jail facility for conjugal visits. Laziness is a prerequisite as the bride will be expected to adapt to Kasab’s happy-go-lucky lifestyle in jail. (T2N2)

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Sania Mirza to play tennis on Mars

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 23:01:00 +0000

NEW DELHI (T2N2) Indian tennis star Sania Mirza will play an exhibition tennis match on the planet Mars in December in what is being seen as yet another attempt to attract space tourists to the Red planet.

Mirza has agreed to play a match on a makeshift tennis court on Olympus Mons, the highest known mountain in the Solar System.

"I know it will be tough -- playing tennis in a spacesuit is not easy but the experience would be great," the 21-year-old told T2N2 on Friday.

There is no word yet on the identity of Mirza's opponent in the match but ATP and WTA spokespersons said no other professional tennis player had been asked to play.

A source in the Indian government said the match might be a ploy by some Indian fundamentalists to banish Mirza from the country and lock her away on Mars.

A Muslim organisation which had issued a fatwa against the tennis player for playing in short skirts said its members were confused if the decree was valid in outer space.

"I guess if she is playing in a spacesuit, it's okay. We might even send some representative to Mars to cheer her to victory, especially if her opponent is wearing short skirts," a spokesperson said on condition of anonymity. (T2N2)

Indian stray dogs world's sexiest: Report

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 21:53:00 +0000

NEW DELHI (T2N2) Indian stray dogs are set to give desi men a complex. A study released today by an international dog-lovers club 'We Love Animals' has rated them the world's sexiest.

The lowly mongrel beat dogs from around the world, including pedigreed dogs from India, when it came to "prowess in bed," the report said.

"They may not be much to look at but female dogs around the world love them anyways," a spokesperson for the NGO said.

[Image: four-block moku hanga print of Indian stray dog by Serendipity Artist]

The study found that Indian stray dogs romped home on the sexiness quotient both in terms of endurance power and ability to satisfy their "spouses."

During the study, 1756 bitches of various breeds were given leeway to consummate relationships with a dog of their choice.

An overwhelming majority of 1301 zeroed in on the Indian mongrel, which top-scored in categories like 'body-odour, 'curvature of tail', 'shapeliness of the femural bone' and 'licking ability'.

Despite its small size, the Brazilian Chihuahua was adjudged the runner-up, garnering the affections of 91 bitches while the German Shepherd was the chosen mutt for 81.

Interestingly, the British Bulldog remained the hapless bachelor with even the bitch of the same species refusing to entertain his woofs.(T2N2)
(This post was first published on June 27, 2005)

US-India nuke deal hinges on Banarasi sarees

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 21:43:00 +0000

NEW YORK (T2N2) Despite hectic lobbying in political circles to either clinch or scrap the Indo-US deal, the outcome of the nuclear accord may well depend on - believe it or not - sarees.

India has gifted a pure Banarasi silk saree to each US Congressman, State Department sources said here.

The offer comes at a time when interest in Indian apparel is at an all-time high and the wives of US Congressmen may be tempted to persuade their spouses to see the deal through, the sources said.

Apparently, apprehensions were high in India that Bush would not be able to clinch the deal on his own steam, and the freebie sarees were needed to bring the Congress around.

The Indian saree, espoused by several Hollywood leading ladies, has in the last couple of years caused a sartorial revolution in the fashion streets of Milan and Paris. (T2N2)
(This post was first published on March 26, 2006)

CBI in New York to arrest Richard Gere

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 28 Apr 2007 21:47:00 +0000

NEW DELHI (T2N2) A two-member team of India's Central Bureau of Investigation is in New York to arrest Richard Gere, a ministry source told T2N2.

Gere, who had sparked off sporadic protests in some cities when he kissed Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty at an anti-AIDS event, now faces three months in an Indian jail for violating obscenity laws.

An arrest warrant in the actor's name was issued by a Jaipur court earlier this week. The CBI officials have been asked to track down Gere and bring him back to India to face trial. Ministry officials were wary of divulging further details but said the task would not be an easy one considering Gere is on U.S. soil.(T2N2)

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Kabaddi new national game for India

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 25 Mar 2007 15:42:00 +0000

NEW DELHI (T2N2) Alarmed over embarrassing defeats in hockey and cricket, parliamentarians in India have drafted a legislation to make kabaddi the national game of the country.

Although hockey is nominally the national sport, cricket is the local craze - with the nation coming to a stop every time the Indian cricket team plays. But things have changed since India's infamous loss to minnows Bangladesh in the cricket World Cup.

Kabaddi, a rural sport in which India are still undisputed champions, is now leading in the race to be the official sport of the country.

Closely following on its heels is the number puzzle Sudoku and India's performance in the World Sudoku Championships at Prague might just see this sport becoming the national game.

Parliamentarians are expected to take a decision on the issue by June.(T2N2)

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Dhoni to make West Indies permanent home

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 14:19:00 +0000

PORT OF SPAIN, Trinidad (T2N2) Wicketkeeper Mahendra Dhoni made a surprising announcement today - he won't be going back to India after the cricket World Cup.

The sudden decision comes on the heels of television reports that irate fans had stoned Dhoni's house in Ranchi after India lost to Bangladesh on Saturday.

Dhoni told T2N2 he had already applied for a house permit in Trinidad.

"This is disgusting. One loss and they do this to my house. Why should I go back to India. I will stay here"

Skipper Rahul Dravid told T2N2 he had tried his best to pacify Dhoni but the Ranchi batsman stood by his decision.

Protesters in several Indian cities burned effigies of the country's cricket players and chanted slogans against the team after the shocking loss to Bangladesh. (T2N2)

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Aishwarya divorces tree after 1st wife turns up

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 23:52:00 +0000

New Delhi (T2N2) Bollywood actress and former Miss World Aishwarya Rai has divorced a peepal tree she had recently married, after local residents discovered the tree in question had previously tied the knot with a neem tree.

Priest Shiv Sundar, who performed the ceremony, said the divorce was necessitated because bigamy is not allowed in India and Aishwarya did not want to be anybody's second wife.

"During the drought last year, people in Benares had married off the peepal tree to a nearby neem. We were not aware of this development and were forced to break off Aishwarya's relationship"

Both trees was unavailable for comment.

Ironically, Aishwarya had married the tree to overcome astrological differences prior to her scheduled nuptials with fellow actor Abhishek Bachchan.

In fact, a lawyer had filed a PIL in the Patna High Court against Aishwarya for promoting untouchability through tree marriage. (T2N2)

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Shilpa Shetty nominated for Nobel Peace Prize

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 10:35:00 +0000

Oslo (T2N2) Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, days after she won the British TV show Celebrity Big Brother and maintained her composure in the face of alleged racist bullying by fellow contestant Jade Goody.

Shilpa's poise and equanimity on the show has impressed viewers worldwide and her act of forgiving tormentor Jade has made the Indian actress an epitome of humanity, a member of the Norwegian Nobel Committee revealed to T2N2.

If she wins, Shilpa will be the second Indian citizen to be awarded the prestigious honour after Skopje-born Mother Teresa won it in 1979.

Shilpa, who will be meeting British Prime Minister Tony Blair on February 7 and Queen Elizabeth II in March, said she was delighted to learn of her nomination.(T2N2)

[Click here for daily highlights and videos of Shilpa Shetty's stint on Big Brother]

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Osama says he's "right here waiting for you"

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 17:59:00 +0000

Somewhere in Afghanistan (T2N2) Al-Qaeda chief Osama bin Laden has confirmed that he's alive and well and all geared up to continue his fight against the enemies of Islam.

"I am right here waiting for you (US soldiers). I won't die so easily," Laden was quoted as saying by one of his trusted lieutenants Abu Hanif on Thursday.

Hanif told T2N2 in a brief telephonic chat that America's most wanted man was reacting to Taliban chief Mullah Mohammad Omar's recent remarks in the media claiming he hadn't seen Laden since US troops ousted the Taliban from Afghanistan in 2001.

Speculation over the whereabouts and health of bin Laden has been rife with no word from the Al Qaeda chief since the first half of 2006. However, intelligence agencies have rejected several reports of his death. A French newspaper had even claimed Laden had died of typhoid. (T2N2)

Hillary sets her sights on Mrs World title

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 15:38:00 +0000

New York (T2N2) Hillary Clinton faces re-election next month as Senator from New York, but the race on everyone's mind is the one two years from now. Will the former First Lady be a candidate for Mrs World in 2008?

While beauty is the key element, contestants in this yearly extravaganza are also urged to voice their opinions about marriage and current affairs. All married women – young wives, mothers and even grandmothers – are eligible to participate.

Our source in the Clinton household told us that Hillary, who would be 61 two years hence, has set her sights on winning the annual contest for married women.

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According to opinion polls in the US, the wife of former President Bill Clinton is a sure-shot winner even if she takes on contestants 40 years her junior.

Asked repeatedly whether she will make a bid for the beauty title, Clinton has remained noncommital.

"I've been asked that question a few times, and as I've said many times before I am focused on my work in the Senate," she said.

"Obviously people are talking about whether or not I will or should run for Mrs World and I'm flattered by that, but I have made no decisions," she added.(T2N2)

Crazy Journo - Now Available on Podcast

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 13:09:00 +0000

Well, not really. Just some posts actually. Here you can listen to the first ever post on this blog - Uma may get Nobel Peace Prize (April 20, 2005).

Will soon put up more posts on the Crazy Journo podcast

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KANK a bitter pill for NRI marriages

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 18:54:00 +0000

New York (T2N2) Karan Johar's schmaltzy epic may not have caused a stir at the desi box-office but NRI marriages in the Big Apple have been literally "rocked and rolled" by Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.

Shahrukh and Rani's extra-marital affair in the film has spawned a plethora of similar flings in the city, with the rate of divorce among NRI couples up by 30 per cent since the release of KANK.

As many as 953 Indian-origin husbands in New York have complained that their wives are now openly flirting with male colleagues or friends.

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Statistics reveal that in the week following the film's release in the US, a staggering 430 divorce claims had been filed in local courts, up from only 29 in June 2006.

When asked to comment, Johar denied that KANK was aimed at breaking marriages and said he was planning a sequel to set things right.

His new creation, tentatively titled Kabhi Apni Mistake pe Patchtana (KAMP), depicts a rift between lovers Shahrukh and Rani and how they each go back to their original spouses - Preity Zinta and Abhishek Bachchan. (T2N2)

Toddler in the dock for eve-teasing

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 19:41:00 +0000

New Delhi (T2N2) Gullu Sharma, a three-year-old resident of Malviya Nagar has achieved the unenviable distinction of being the youngest person ever to be charged with eve-teasing.

The precocious youngster allegedly committed the crime when he broke into Tu cheez badi hai mast mast and winked at a mini-skirt clad teenager on Wednesday.

Gullu was caught by an alert bystander who took him to the area police station where the toddler succumbed to the temptation of a chocolate bar and pleaded guilty.

However, in view of his young age, Gullu is likely to be released on parole or sentenced to community service.

The eve-teasing case has made it to the limelight after a similar case in Patna.

Neighbours say Gullu started showing his true colours immediately after birth. The newborn peed on the doctor who delivered him and winked at a nurse.

Over the next two years, the toddler built up a song bank of eight Bollywood chartbusters and perfected 17 styles of flirting. However, he had not been previously caught by police. (T2N2)

India's top cosmetic surgeon to fix PMO mole

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 29 Jul 2006 02:54:00 +0000

New Delhi (T2N2) Relenting to BJP leader Jaswant Singh's demands on the mole in the PMO, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh today said he has hired the country's top cosmetic surgeon Dr Sudhakar Prasad to cut away the congenital eyesore.

"Jaswant should have pointed out years ago that he didn't like the mole. We didn't do anything till now because we regarded the mole as a beauty spot," the prime minister told T2N2.

Prasad and his team of doctors are scheduled to perform the cosmetic operation at South Block on Monday.

Jaswant Singh has written extensively about the mole in his book 'A Call to Honour' and has devoted entire chapters tracing the growth and history of the said mole since 1947.

He has alleged that the mole is now giving US citizens free access to India's culinary secrets and musical treasures.

"The mole has grown to about a foot in size and has inadvertently started transmitting programmes aired on Radio Mirchi to the US. I am not saying this is bad but then the West has already stolen things like Indian basmati. They will now copy Indian music," the BJP leader told T2N2.

The former External Affairs minister refused to name the mole in the PMO and said some people might be offended if he gave it a moniker.

"The mole has fans and admirers and they might file a legal suit against me. And who knows whether the mole itself is civil or uncivil," he said.

Expressing his happiness with the prime minister's decision, Singh said he would now devote his spare time to scrutinising pimples, blackheads and warts in the PMO. (T2N2)

Hollywood offer may solve NKorean stand-off

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 16 Jul 2006 18:54:00 +0000

United Nations (T2N2) Although North Korea has rejected a UN resolution condemning its missile launches, officials reveal a Hollywood deal might just smoothen things out.

North Korea has apparently requested the US to consider giving South Korean actor Cha In Pyo a starring role in a major Hollywood production.

UN officials claim that the US is mulling the option, which could lead to lasting peace in the Korean Peninsula and stave off the threat of impending war.

"Well, the film may tank at the box-office but we will be able to avoid a nuclear build-up in the region. Hollywood can surely make that sacrifice," an official said on condition of anonymity.

Pyo, who is known for his role in this year's Korean film Hanbando, is quite popular in North Korea but is virtually unknown in America.(T2N2)

Americans stumped by World Cup football

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 18:28:00 +0000

New York (T2N2) Claims that the 2006 World Cup final between Italy and France was watched by millions in the US may be hogwash, says a new survey.

A Bemakch firm survey reveals that 67 per cent of Americans did not know what football was and only 3 per cent US citizens were aware that the World Cup was on.

"The third question in our survey was about the World Cup venue. But we didn't bother asking it," says researcher David Hoozer.

For the record, 10,745 randomly chosen people in the 16-25 agegroup across the US were quizzed about the game after Italy beat France in Berlin to win their fourth World Cup on Sunday.

The survey found that only 23 per cent of America knew that Uncle Sam actually has a football team, which bowed out in the World Cup league stage last month. (T2N2)

India relies on 'football spirit' campaign

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 08 Jul 2006 13:39:00 +0000

Lucknow (T2N2) School and college authorities in the capital of Uttar Pradesh have launched a special campaign to inculcate the "football spirit" in the region.

Coming as it does at the fag end of the football World Cup in Germany, the campaign is one of many drives undertaken across the country to help India qualify for the 2010 edition of the FIFA championships.

Officials admit it's a tough task, given that many youngsters here still refer to the goalkeeper as the wicket-keeper.

"It's the cricket syndrome. Everyone here is obsessed with cricket. But we feel things could certainly change in four years," says Pratap Verma, principal of the New Dawn school here.

Sports coaches feel that inculcating a football spirit among youngsters through classes and training camps is the first step towards finding new talent to replace the ageing national football team.

They also agree that despite the football craze in Goa and West Bengal, the game needs to be popularised in other states to give it a more national outlook. (T2N2)

Indian fans hope to poach Vikash Dhorasoo

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 03 Jul 2006 14:25:00 +0000

Berlin (T2N2) A group of Indians arrived in Germany this month but unlike millions of football fans, they are not here to watch the World Cup.

Biren Dasgupta is among a dozen football lovers from Kolkata who are here to persuade Vikash Dhorasoo to leave France and play for India.

Born in Mauritius to migrant parents, Dhorasoo became the first player of Indian parentage to play in the World Cup finals when he took to the field for the France-Switzerland league match.

But his fans believe Dhorasoo's inclusion in India's national team would boost its chances of qualifying for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

"We are languishing at 117 on the FIFA charts. We want Dhorasoo and Bhaichung Bhutia to work together to improve our chances in the next World Cup," says Dasgupta.

The group has been unable to meet Dhorasoo till now but hopes to secure an audience with him before the World Cup gets over.

The 32-year-old Paris St Germain midfielder was not available for comment. (T2N2)

'India can win 2010 football World Cup'

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 25 Jun 2006 12:43:00 +0000

New Delhi (T2N2) India beats Brazil to win World Cup. Stumped? But football authorities here believe that this could be a front-page headline in the country's newspapers in 2010.

Officials at the All India Football Federation confirm that a series of classified briefings held recently focused on easing India into the top echelons of football-playing nations in the next three years.

The AIFF is pumping in a lot of money to hold training camps and find new talent to replace its current national team, which is ranked at a measly 117 on the FIFA list.

"Plus British coach Bob Houghton has been specially recruited to make this dream a reality," says one official.

India last qualified for the World Cup in Brazil in 1950. And officials believe that 60 years later, India will be one of the 32 nations battling it out in South Africa for the Jules Rimet trophy. (T2N2)

Fear of 666 grips Indian village

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 05 Jun 2006 18:17:00 +0000

Kinnamoochi (T2N2) Most folks in this nondescript village in the Indian state of Kerala are terrified of what may happen tomorrow.

They suffer from Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia - the fear of the number 666. For those who still haven't understood what the problem is, June 6 this year can also be written as 06/06/06.

The number has been traditionally associated with the number of the devil or the Anti-Christ and gains notoriety because of its mention in Chapter 18 Verse 18 of the Book of Revelation.

"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is six hundred threescore and six."

The number holds special significance for Kinnamoochi village because it's number 666 on the country's official register of villages.

In fact, the Christian-dominated village is observing a voluntary curfew tomorrow with most residents feeling they would be safer at home than outside.

Local police said schools, offices and streets are likely to be deserted for the next 24 hours - at least till the "safe arrival" of June 7.

Some villagers have stocked up on rations for a month fearing war, pestilence and even the end of the world. (T2N2)

Cancan steals the show at Cannes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 17 May 2006 18:37:00 +0000

Cannes (T2N2) A group of amateur cancan dancers here is trying its best to make this year's Cannes film festival the most memorable one yet.

The 16 members of the 'Come Cancan' troupe spend hours regaling visitors with impromptu performances at this fashionable resort town on the French Riviera.

Troupe manager Jacques LeBlanc says he wants to synergise the French experience at the annual extravaganza, amalgamating dance with the visual media.

The cancan - a lively dance of French origin - is performed chiefly by women and is marked by high kicking. Within decades of its development in Paris in the early 19th century, the dance form quickly made its way into revues and stage productions.

LeBlanc believes that catching tourists unawares with performances at pubs and cafes is the best way to show them the "true" Cannes.

"In fact, we are thinking of changing the name of our troupe to 'Come Cancan at Cannes'. Sounds great, doesn't it?"

In case you thought the 2006 film festival was only about The Da Vinci Code and X-Men: The Last Stand, think again - you might just be missing out on the Cannes cancan. (T2N2)

US stance on Iran a 'load of crap'

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 27 Apr 2006 06:09:00 +0000

Washington (T2N2) A senior US diplomat has claimed that the Bush administration's threat to invoke sanctions against Iran for alleged nuclear activity is just a "load of crap".

Speaking on condition of anonymity, the US State Department official also told T2N2 that chances of a military showdown with Iran were "absolutely zero".

The comments came ahead of Friday's deadline set by the UN Security Council for Tehran to freeze uranium enrichment work as a confidence-building measure.

"With President George W Bush already facing a slide in popularity over the fiasco in Iraq, do you think he will dare to even think of a repeat in Iran."

According to the official, the best friends of both of the President's daughters are from Tehran. Plus, Bush loves Iranian food and has many friends from the country.

"Bush has several icecream buddies in Iran. There's no chance he will actually jeopardize their friendship for some rotten nuclear activity which is unlikely to bear fruit anyway.

"So why the posturing? As a world superpower, the US needs to assert its presence and bully other countries. It's only bark, no bite."

Meanwhile, reports of several Iranian restaurants in the US capital pulling down their shutters have sent White House officials into a tizzy. (T2N2)

UK town secures itself after terror threat

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 19:00:00 +0000

London (T2N2) Following reports of an al-Qaeda threat, the residents of Wousehode, 40 miles south of the capital, are trying their best to secure their town from any terror attack.

Over the past week, roads leading to the town were painstakingly "wiped" out to prevent vehicles from coming in. Guards have been posted at every nook and corner and every registered citizen has been provided with guns to protect themselves, official sources said.

The measures were taken after an anonymous letter addressed to Wousehode mayor, Doug Heffernan, claimed that the al-Qaeda was preparing for a series of attacks on the nondescript town.

According to Heffernan, residents took matters into their own hands after Scotland Yard refused to pay any credence to the conspiracy theory.

Meanwhile, government sources said they will be looking into the incident.(T2N2)

Forget about Memory pills

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 19:50:00 +0000

New Delhi (T2N2) Goodbye memory pills. Indian scientists at the Memory Institute here have come up with 'Forget' - a pill that actually helps you forget incidents.

Stumped? Well, Raj Shekhar and his team of researchers say that people are eager to forget a lot of unhappy events in their life - the death of a loved one, a traumatic divorce or even the day your Board Exam results came through.

The pill works by forcing the consumer to briefly focus on a facet of the incident and then wipes it out completely from their memory. But what's in the wonder drug? Shekhar refuses to tell us - for now.

"We aren't ready to reveal the ingredients just yet. Foreign multinationals are ever ready to claim stuff invented or perfected by Indians as their own. Take basmati rice for example."

That may be true but will the global community accept a pill that could make incidents depicted in the Hollywood flick Fifty First Dates a lot more common.

The scientists are adopting a 'wait and watch' attitude preferring instead to continue with tests in control groups. But Shekhar promises to reveal more about the wonder pill by the end of this year.

Seems like we will have to take a memory pill to help us remember not to 'forget' about it. (T2N2)