Suicide Candy

Clash of clan

2015-02-12T23:33:00.002+08:00

Ever heard of clash of clan? or better known as COC... It is this mind controlling online game where you can build an empire and attack other empires then you can merge with other empires to create a "clan". You can then declare war with other clan. Anyway... before I go any further please watch this video first.

This gotta be the best advertisement I ever saw.

The first time I heard about this game... I think was a year ago, none of my circle of friends played it when I first downloaded it through some app online advertisement. My first thought was... hey this game kinda like DOTA. But I never really like playing game except for Skyrim which I picked it up during my free time when the construction site I was working at was closed down due to EIA stuff. Then my laptop broke down and I didn't resume any game except mobile games. The games I usually downloaded is quite simple, puzzles like Triple town, hangman... just game that I downloaded so I can play while bored or any awkward situations.

Then last month my boyfriend started playing it and he was obsessed with the game. I didn't understand why someone can be so preoccupied with a silly game and I thought... maybe I should download it again just for fun since the project I'm working is delayed. I never ever would have guess that I will be like my boyfriend. Playing that fucking game untill 3 fucking A.M. Waiting patiently for my army to finish training so I can attack other villages and I can collect trophy so I can get the 450 gem and buy the fourth builder. Why I need the builder? So i can upgrade my fucking EMPIRE!!!! The more you upgrade your empire the stronger it is and the longer you needed to wait. You will need more money and elixir. That's why you have to attack for the loot. You also need to upgrade your defense so your hard earned treasure won't be looted by other people. Especially when the village you attack decided to revenge.

Reading what I just wrote makes me realize how emotional I am playing this game. I can't even be offline from the game at times because I fear that my village will be under attack any minute that I am offline. Especially since I am a newbie and some of the villages I attacked way upper level than me which I sneakily use my archers to attack the town hall so I can get the trophy. I fear that when they decided to revenge, the empire I build will be destroyed. There's this one person tho already "avenge" his/her empire, that particular person send six level 7 giant, ten level 5 archer and 3 level 4 wall breaker... it was horrible... they destroyed EVERYTHING!

The funny thing is I only started playing this game again 2 weeks ago. I already feel so emotional every time my empire is under attacked. But I like that every time your defense lost you will get a shield for 16 hours.

While writing this post I am actually waiting for my army to filled up. I also have a clan which is welcome to everyone. Just search Lejon Lidi and state that you saw my post from my blog and I will sure approve your request. I have to inform you tho that most of the players in my clan just started playing this game so don't expect any high level Lord in it. But we are all getting there. If you are interested in forming an alliance with me remember...

LEJON LIDI

We are a clan that will always welcome donations and never fail to donate. You can share your war tactical skills with us too and we will sure help you whenever you decided to declare war.

Right now my favorite tactics is the classic archer and barbarian. Fast and guarantee to get a lot of loots. I also like using giant although most of my army is on the lower level but I believe in quantity over quality for now. Since 12 hours are needed to upgrade the laboratory.

If any of you clash of clan addicts reading this do leave a comment. I am very keen to know what makes you an awesome player in COC?

a. Awesome Defense

b. Trophies

c. Level

d. All of the above

Okay... blog later... see ya!

xoxo

Cynta

My first ever vlog!

2015-01-21T11:57:00.001+08:00

A first time for me and hopefully not the last. I will try to improve after this. But for now... do enjoy.. ;)

Kinabalu aftermath

2014-11-09T14:24:00.001+08:00

As I am writing this post there's 6 big ass salonpas sticker behind my back, I have bloated tummy and almost lost my appetite.

What did I obtain from the experience other than the RM10 certificate which the design has not been updated since 11 years ago...

1. A broken phone... fml
2. RM200 goneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... fml
3. Fever... fml
4. Mild hatred towards staircase and keep on thinking the stair to my office tomorrow. (T_T)
5. Lost of almost all my social apps... fml

It might sound bad but I seen and obtained...

1. That majestic view
2. Confidence, I am that unfit compare to 11 years ago. Maybe not that fast but still okay.
3. Determination, that I must be much more fitter and stronger to achieve success in life.
4. Excitement in life.
5. That excellent food at Laban Rata.

I don't have the perfect word to describe my experience... Did I had fun? Yes.. but there are moments where I wish I hadn't embark on that journey. Sure, some might say Kinabalu hiking is not that hard but for me I feel like there's a deeper meaning. We started the journey on a nice day... then as we were hiking rain starts pouring heavily and all I can think of is getting to Laban Rata for a hot drink and a cig. But then my cigs was too damp so I had to throw it away. Then I almost want to give up at the top, I almost don't want to go to the lower's peak. But I push myself hard and I made it so that made me happy... so happy. It proves that no matter how tough life is, I will push myself until I get what I want. I am Jacynta... hear me ROAR! lol

So my health diary for 02...

Cigs : 2

Food : Bfst = Yee mee
Lunch = Cornetto ice cream
Snacks = Chocolates a lot of them so I don't fall asleep.
Dinner = Rice with moringa omelette and stir fry potato with chicken
Supper = Egg and mayo sandwich

Exercise = None

Health Diary 03

Cigs : 1

Food : Bfst = Egg and Mayo Sandwich
Snacks = during hiking cadbury chocolate bar.
Lunch = Chicken ham and cheese sandwich
Dinner = mixed rice
Midnight snacks = Prawn crackers

Exercise = I hiked for 6 km in 3 hours.

Health diary 04

Cigs = 0

Food : Early bfst before hiking = Apple and prawn crackers
Snacks during hiking = half bar of snickers and cadbury chocolate bar
Brunch = Fried rice, 2 mini sausages, half pancake with butter, fried egg with herring fish.
3:30pm Lunch = Half plate spaghetti, prawn crackers, sweet potato fritters, tea.
Dinner = half bowl of porridge.

Exercise = HIKINGGGG!!!

Health diary 05

Cigs = 0

Food : Breakfast = Roti canai and porridge and half bowl of instant fried noodles.
Lunch = 0
Snack = Potato chips shared with Aunty and Nonok.
Dinner = 2 plates of chicken curry and a tiny... very tiny taste of bosou bakas.

Exercise = Body sore (*o*)

Ok... lets smile and live. See you blog soon...

Cynta's health diary 01

2014-11-04T23:13:00.001+08:00

I decided to do a health diary post since I can't push myself to finish my other blogpost and also it's a reminder to myself of why I should stay healthy.

In 2 years time I will be in my 30s and I think it is about time to start taking care of my health seriously since I have so many plans and dream I have yet fulfill so to make sure I don't die before seeing it came true. Thus I have started exercise, at first it was just to make sure I have a ~~good~~ stamina for my kinabalu expedition the I thought maybe I should get rid of my flabby arms... maybe I should tone up my body because I think I can do it.

It's not easy tho... I am addicted to smoking, I can feel my lungs capacity compare to my cousin is very very... weak. Honestly I don't think my addiction is that bad but it's moving towards the right path to lung cancer. I ALMOST smoke a pack a day but then I cut it out to 2 packs a week maybe and 3 if I am super stress at work. I just love inhaling and exhaling that poisonous smoke, my favorite smoking time is during driving because I usually in deep thoughts while driving planning what I would do with my life stuff like that and smoking just help clears my mind. It's not that I don't know that it's bad but I just like it. Like now I am thinking how nice it is if I'm having a smoke right now... Gah! Please you just finish exercising Cynta!

Anyway, I downloaded a workout video today on how to get that inner thigh and small waist line. I almost die doing it, it was a 2 set video and I was supposed to do a 3 set video but I only managed to do 2. I did however jog in my room for 30 minutes and do arm workout for 10 minutes, so my total workout time today is 55 minutes. Yesterday was 45 minutes... I must stick to this routine because I hate seeing all this flabbiness on my body. I don't think I'm fat or chubby... I am quite thin although I did gained weight from my 40kg to 44 - 45kg.

Now I need to have a good diet plan. The problem with my diet is, I don't cook and even if I want to I rent a room without a kitchen and I usually eat out or just skipped meal. When I was at my lightest I wasn't eating at all due to stress I only ate flavorless crackers. My workplace now is a much stress free environment therefore I ate quite a lot and I am craving for that tasty nasi lemak from Gaya street which is my favourite and I am hoping that Ed will text me asking me whether I've eaten or not that I will try to avoid to reply Yes and lied to him saying I am not hungry but still hoping that he will tapao it for me. ARGH!

Please I do not want to end up like Lena Dunham. Fuck... this health thingy making me cranky. So here's my health checkup list which I promise to be as HONEST as possible.

1. Cigarettes = 1+5 (and considering 1 more... last!)

2. Breakfast = 3 piece of leftover honey chicken wings
Lunch = Kon lou mee ngiu chap ( I ate half the noodles and finished the soup)
Dinner = Grapes and Mister Potato sour cream & onions chips (which I vomited... never again!)

3. Exercise time = 55 minutes

God help me... Please no tips on this post maybe next post, just give me some fucking motivation.

P/S : guess who just call me?.............................. Ed! and he's bringing me out for a late supper at the mamaks.
P/P/S : Tomorrow will be better since I will be with Daisy, she always make me want to be healthier.

Don't stop me now!

2014-10-26T23:31:00.003+08:00

I don't know why is it every time I had an Epiphany I will always start with cleaning my room. In fact I had one just now and TADAH! one clean room for Jacynta and a cigarette that may be my last time for 12 days. I plan to stop smoking for 12 days only because on the 5th of November 2014 I will conquer mount Kinabalu (for the 2nd time). I also vow to be more health conscious since I cannot afford yet a health insurance and also for the obvious vanity reasons. I am joining the #fitness bandwagon and I am scared because I might turn to be one of those snobby fitness bitches I hate so much LOL. Please do slap me if I post my sweaty selfie on instagram.

My on and off fitness relationship started out a few years back and at one point I was serious about it and actually lose weight. But i like to be discreet about it and only a few close friends and family saw how obsess I was at that time. Maybe it's time to be that obsess again, my inspiration was mankofit hopefully this time it will last a life time. I like myself better at that time, I was more focused and I feel much more energetic than before, I almost feel like my teenage self thus I must be more consistent. But first I need to finish my drawings because tomorrow is the fucking deadline.

I also need to drink more water, 4 litre to be exact. I need to wake up early and be more discipline in my workout and beauty regime. What I want in my life right now is, happiness...

putus-putus punya post

2014-10-18T19:50:00.000+08:00

I've been complaining about how lazy I am to my PO5 but here I am now, wide awake and writing this blogpost... I have quite a lot of unfinish blog post that is so backdated that makes the dinosaur extinction looks like current news.

So here is a short blog post because I feel like typing when I should be sleeping because my neck hurts, my legs hurt and I believe I might have early stage of Parkinson because my hand is shaking as I type this. By the way I need to remind myself that I have to slow down on cigarettes and need to get myself ready to climb the tallest mountain in South East Asia this early November. Yes... FML.

**continuation**

Was interrupted by Ed while writing that. I'm the sort of person that prefer all my private thoughts written while I am alone and free from any kind of surroundings. Although ironically I am writing this now at my office when I am suppose to be doing work. But this is my laziest week ever, I haven't even really finish any work and my room is a mess. Okay... feeling guilty, will stop this and continue after my jog this evening.

**continuation 2**

Finally... finally I have some time to be alone. I miss this so much. I've been going out almost everyday and it's exhausting mentally and physically for me. I am an introvert but I have to admit it I sometimes don't look like one. I like to party and have fun but I LOVE BEING ALONE. It's like I have 2 personality, people normally saw me as maybe a bit aloof but friendly and there's this side of me that are happy that I am alone in my room doing what I want. I don't even care if my bf won't come back home tonight (he seems to be mad at me or maybe I just over analyzed when he's just really busy). Anyway I get to be alone with my thoughts without any interruption from anyone. I finally get to reorganize my thoughts and maybe finish all unfinished business like my long forgotten blogpost, cleaning my room and maybe do some work.

Being alone help me to do a self reflect. I have been quite negative these days... Envious of people and questioning why I don't have what they have, why I am so... I feel like I am a bad person, I feel like nobody really likes me or wants me at all. But I shouldn't be that way I should be grateful... I used to list down all the things I am grateful...

1. I am grateful to be alive and quite healthy even though my smoking seem to be worsen these days but overall I think I am quite healthy.

2. My family loves me and I am pretty sure Edmond love me too in his odd ways.

3. I have friends who can be comfortable around me even though I can be weird and awkward.

4. I have a job and enough money to survive but I have to be better in financial management.

5. I am grateful I have a home to go to.

6. I am grateful I have my pets.

So now I can try to improve myself, to make myself happy first so I can make people around me happy too.

Okay the end. :)

New day

2014-08-25T22:13:00.001+08:00

Hi blog! it only took me 2 months to update you this time...so yay!

Hi, anyway... in case anyone of you forgot how I look like here's a picture of me.

****awkward silence***

ermm... I don't really have any new updates other than,

I just cut my hair thus no more...

UGLY LIMP HAIR.

Anyway, the picture above is a comparison on My 1st day of work and last day of work.

Did I just mention that? Yes, I finally quit my job! so HURRAH!!! *insert hand clapping emoji*

I like my job, I like being an engineer... I like learning things and understanding what I don't really understand during my student days BUT...

I really dislike my workplace, I know the job I signed for require high amount of perseverance. It won't get any easier, the workload will always be heavy, the decision must be precise and I always have to deal with problems because that's one of the job requirement. Problem solving.

I hated how my ex boss treated me, I feel unappreciated, it's not like I am hoping for a praise in every task I finished but... it's hard for me to put it in words. I feel like a broken record repeating every single shit I was thrown at, how I was being ridicule BUT fuck it...

At least I learn quite a lot. I learn how to handle a strict boss, how to work on a deadline etc... this important things they don't teach you in school. Now when I look back I am amaze on how much shit I can handle and still be sane...in short it toughen me and open my eyes for possibility.

NEVER LET OTHERS OPINION DEFINE WHO YOU ARE.

My new workplace is good. I am taking a huge risk accepting this job, it's a start up company and there's a lot of things such as facilities, staffs etc...need to be improve. I like my colleagues and I have a better opportunity compare to the previous job so that had me going. :) Hopefully the future is bright for this company.

Although I do feel a bit lazy and unproductive, I need to remind myself about my goals. I especially hate that I am bloated now, face and body. I feel like a balloon.

Being unproductive making me feel sloppy, lazy and a slob... That's why I am writing this blogpost. But I am like an ADD kid keep on being distracted. But you have to be inspired to write... I realize as I am writing this, my writing style is kind of defensive.

The conclusion is I am quite happy, not thoroughly satisfied but okay. I have big dreams and I have to make sacrifices.

Cheers to all the dreamers may your dreams become reality. Never stop chasing your dream.

End

Half of 2014

2014-06-29T12:34:00.000+08:00

I saw QiuQiu's blogpost some time ago where she reviewed her resolutions by mid year so I wanted to do that as well just to remind myself of my goals and will work harder for it. Here's the link of my post.

1. 1. Be skinny. I don't care if people call me anorexic I want to be skinny. I hate it when people call me curvy or chubby. "Ko bukan gemuk bah, ko berisi sja"...

Okay... I am not skinny as I wish to be which was to weigh 40kg but I do look quite skinny than my December 2012...

I did manage to weigh 40kg.

This was me at my skinniest, thigh gap and all. Now I am back at 44 kg and I don't know whether I should be happy about it or sad. When I was 40kg I felt very light but I feel weak because I didn't lose it the "healthy way". I was so stressed out because of work I didn't realize I wasn't eating.

That was one of the low point of this year being so depressed with work I became anorexic. Although only my mum was genuinely worried about me at this point, the rest just complimented me of how skinny I've become.

3. Move out. It's not that I don't like the place I'm currently living but it's getting a bit cramped with all of my stuffs. Beside roomie and I need a fresh start since I'll be working soon.

Still at the same matchbox room that I've been living for the past 4 years. Hopefully can achieve this one by the end of this year.

This one is still an ongoing resolution. I haven't been apartment searching for a while. I really need to get my financial stable for this one or maybe I just aim buying a new house so I got to start saving and plan my financial more efficiently... BUT I WANT TO *insert stuff I want to buy here*.

Have to be really discipline on this issue!

I want to own an apartment as nice as this one in the middle of the city preferably overlooking the ocean so I can wake up to a magnificent view every morning then after work relax while watching my favourite TV series on a comfy couch and maybe entertain family/friends once in a while in my marvelous penthouse.

4. Learn new things. I need to upgrade my knowledge especially when it comes to software. I need to upgrade my skills in autocad, learn esteem and any damn software related to civil engineering.

Autocad upgraded a lot, learn MiTS, m.excel also improved a lot. This is an on-going resolution so can't check this one yet.

Unfortunately for this one, I am still the same just upgraded autocad skill and a few here and there engineering knowledge. But I believe I will get better, I will be able to move forward and I am so excited to be working at a new company by the end of July!

6. Blog more and maybe this year my lookbook will have pictures. I love fashion especially Japanese fashion and I did try to dress more like them this year. A bit fail tho but nobody can stop me from trying! So here's some of my attempts.

I did blog more than I did 2012... so this is another recycle resolutions. Didn't blog any fashion post tho.

Can I blame work for this? No... okay...

7. TO TRAVEL AND TAKE MORE PHOTOGRAPHS.

The only thing sure about this one is I'm going to climb Mount Kinabalu in November. So I will work harder for the others on that list.

i.Legoland, Johor with Genesis.

ii. Penang for good food.

iii. Singapore to stalk my favourite bloggers.

iv. Japan for fashion!

v. Bandung for shopping.

vi. Cebu for my uncle's wedding and beautiful island.

vii. Korea for runningman.

viii. Thailand for the "shows".

ix. Hong Kong for Disneyland.

x. Any Sabah island or maybe mount kinabalu again.

I didn't buy a new laptop though... hohoho... Change my hardisk into a new one and TADAH! feels like using a new one. LOLOLOLOLOL...

END!

It's real

2014-06-12T20:13:00.001+08:00

Yes... it is real.

This loneliness that I feel is real.

The frustration that I feel is real...

The sense of hopelessness...

The fear...

ALL OF IT

IS REAL

Maybe it's temporary but it's eating me inside and it's not even making me skinnier.

Motivation Monday

2014-04-21T12:20:00.003+08:00

As stated in my linkedin profile I am now in my eight months of employment. In my 8 months I am beginning to hate Monday with a vengeance. I can relate to every hate Monday meme post such as these...

Yep... I am slowly evolving into the typical cubicle 8 - 5 white collar worker.

The thing is I don't want to feel like that. I try to think of one sole reason that makes me hate my job and all I can think of is my office environment. I used to think that I am a survivor that as an introvert this working environment works for me. I don't have to talk or mingle with people and everybody mind their own business... should be perfect right?

But I just realize that I am not a robot (okay...) and I do need human companionship and I am desperate to be a part of a team where I can relate to. It made me miss my Samur days, I thought that was bad but now I feel even worst. Being isolated in a 6 working staff office is not funny at all, I hate it when I can't understand their language and sometimes I feel discriminated. And then there's a little voice in the back of my head saying, maybe I am not just good enough, maybe I am just a fucking loser. That voice insidiously making me believe how unworthy I am everyday.

Positivity should help right?

It did help a little. I started listening motivational speech, I pray on my way to work, I read and screen cap motivational speech and I even do a perfect day meditation just to help me keep going for now. Reading inspiring blogpost especially from timothytiah, bongqiuqiu because the positivity is just infectious and other blogs which promote my dream travel list which is Japan

If I complain so much... I should just quit and find another job right?

I did and I am now waiting for the confirmation although sometimes I am on the verge of hopelessness and I have to keep reminding myself to be patient and have faith.

So what can I do?

In one of the perfect day meditation I hear every morning stated that "If you help people to get what they want, You will get everything that you want".

I am trying to do that right now... I try my best to help the people I care about. I am genuinely hoping for the best for them. I am trying to get rid off any form of negativity.

I am hoping for a magical experience and I will not stop believing.

Toostressouttothinkofatitle

2014-04-08T19:37:00.002+08:00

Hello,

Dear all whoever reading this post. First of all I want to ask, why the hell are you here? Even I don't know why I am writing this at this hour when I am suppose to be resting after a long day at work. It's not actually long I work 9 hours a day (yes, I skipped lunch almost every day). I am exhausted with my job... I don't even know how to make my job enjoyable anymore... I kind of hate everything right now and all I want to do now is to be with myself.

I hate going out... I hate meeting people, I hate waking up at 6.30am everyday, I hate getting stuck in the jam everyday, I hate my working life it's been months since I last go out and have fun with my friends. I have been postponing because I always don't have enough money and I don't want to. What am I kidding... maybe I am suffering some new employee depression. Okay.. I am just making that up...no such thing for an Asian to have a depression.

So what I'm doing right now is documenting this moment so when I read this after a few months after this, I will be laughing. I mean I should be, I signed up for this, things will always be the same for an engineer. I will always have to deal with deadline, people pressuring me, sitting on the same spot for 9 hours... even the most positive people will be demotivated.

I need a vacation right... But I feel like I am a weak person if I do that, if other people can do it. Why can't I do it? I can do this... I can do this. I am not weak...just very very very demotivated.

Look at my desk... This is actually quite clean. Files, drawing plan keep piling up. I am mentally tired right now. Even writing this post making me tired.

So abrupt end because I want to do nothing and maybe after this I will be refresh and motivated to take over the world again.

BYE

When Miuns go picnic

2014-03-27T20:35:00.001+08:00

**DISCLAIMER** SUPER LONG OVERDUE POST.

Hello, I am back again. It is almost the end of the month and I am just about to blog what I done on my very long (1 week) holiday during Chinese New Year. But since I am a Miun and Miuns don't really have many options for a getaway... Nevertheless I still enjoyed my holiday so much that I can't wait for next year Chinese New Year. So here's a miun's style for a budget but fun way to spend time with family.

PICNIC

My family loves picnic... Picnic a fun way to relax and spend quality time. It's relatively cheap, the only thing you have to spend is fuel and of course food... Food is the most important thing in a picnic. It's a must to have food that can feed the entire village than to have less. I think if an apocalypse going to happen soon, my family will be very well prepared for that (even if it's a zombie apocalypse).

Location: Pantai Dalit

Weather: Gloomy

Activity:

1. Momurimon, Bercerita and listening to all our family silly jokes.

2. Mandi laut la, apa lagi. Swimming by the sea.

3.MAKAN

4. Counting the numbers of rubbish

5. Killing innocent crabs and destroying their homes.

6. NAP

other miscellaneous activities such as "beach sea art", "tanning", "dog walking" etc... can be included from time to time.

Not many pictures were taken that day since it started raining and then we went back to my parents house to resume our picnic indoors and momut all day watching movies.

The thing about picnics is even though when the beach flies may terrorize us, we end up sticky afterwards, we might spend too much time looking for that perfect spot, there may not be a proper toilet or wash area, we pack too much food... I try to never miss a picnic with my family because,

There's a sense of adventure like exploring new places, it's our bonding time even though what we mostly do now is just lazing around. During my childhood it's a time where I can meet my cousins because during that time, there were no internet, no smartphones and we cannot drive yet so it's the only time where we can play together, making adventures of our own.

Picnic spots in Sabah we visited so far.

1. Tanjung Aru

Oh gawd... I look like a whale jumping. LOL

Crowded on weekends but is relatively clean and safe with a lot of picnic hut so you don't have to bring fold able table but maybe you can bring extra chairs if you want too.

Tanjung Aru is divided by 3 area, the first beach, second beach and third beach.

At the first beach is where you can buy snacks and tidbits also have a proper meal but I am seriously giving advice to all of you reading this if you ever order "Cheese Burger" beware because it might be just grilled buns with cheese and a lot of chilli sauce it it. There's also lots of events held here like music festival and beach party. There's a bar, a restaurant... in short first beach is not for picnics more like a place where you can chill by the beach.

Great sunset pictures.

Second beach apparently also have a restaurant but there is only one and it is still quite near to the playground. There's an open area with beautiful green grass, I hate to say this but most of the picnic facilities at Tanjung Aru is worn out and seriously need maintenance. Still a nice place to have a picnic though. Less crowd there too compare to the first beach.

Third beach... actually I am not quite sure this place still existed because the last time I went there some part of the beach has been demolished for airport runway project.

2. Tanjung Lipat

It's the new "It" beach, seems like people are flocking there every weekends and it's very pack. But the playground are new and they have a good working toilet. Quite adequate picnic facilities but packed and you can still spot quite a lot amount of rubbish.

However it has been upgraded tremendously since my last picnic there with my family. My last picnic was 7 months ago...

Making a sand castle with cute kids.

Now, not only you can go picnic there... You can do the miun style exercise by not going to the gym (face it gym fees are expensive and even the RM10 per class I cannot afford) and jog, skate, cycle whatever your preference by the beach. If you are so thick skinned you can even zumba by the beach, just bring along your boom box and dance like nobody's business.

But parking space may be a problem for this area. I'm not sure whether it is the lack of parking space or Sabahan just park wherever they want which can be dangerous if something unexpected happened... ~palis-palis

3. Karambrunai, Lagoon Park.

You have to pay RM10 per person and additional fees to used the banana boat there. It's a good place if you're planning to do some tanning since it's quite a private beach so you won't have people gawking at you.

We used to lived quite near to this place, my Bapa cycled to the park.

One of our family peeves must set up tent for ALL PICNIC. Told you, Lidi clan are ready for anything.

You can use all the facilities at the Lagoon Park and there is no hidden cost, unlike Mimpian Jadi resort. Will blog about this some other time.

Bikini picture to increase blog traffic. :P

4. Kibunut river

This used to be our favorite picnic spot but the place is quite dangerous now. My aunt heard there's actually crocodiles there, so we kind of stop going there. We used to camp there, the place is quite okay. There's a public toilet, tap, a picnic hut and a barbecue place. The fee was quite cheap around RM2 or RM1 per person.

5. Pantai Manis
To be honest we only went to this place once when I was still in my primary school years. The beach was clean I don't really remember much but we had a lot of fun here. Maybe I should suggest the elders to do a picnic here again.

6. Dantai beach
Blog about this before so do visit this LINK. It's at Kota Belud by the way.

7. Mahua Waterfall.
I am a warm blooded mammal so couldn't really enjoy freezing cold water. Heard that the place has been upgraded tho. Maybe should visit here again since it's at my kampung.

#selfie

Apparently the last time I went there was with my boyfriend. (-_-)

This post kind of a walk to the memory lane for me. As stated in my instagram I am a photo hoarder. I really, really can't delete any photos unless I really had to which is rare and I treasure all my photos. So thank technology for external hard disk!

Now that all of us are getting older, we spend less time with each other... busy with work, school and other activities...

BUT

No matter how far we will go, no matter how hectic our life will be, No matter how crazy our family is...
Family always come first.

End...

Kumbaya My lord...

2014-02-20T13:07:00.001+08:00

Or in my case... "Kumaya". LOL (Kumaya in Dusun means Getting Rich)

The rough time are going to come, But...they have not come to stay.

They have come to pass.

When unexpected events happened... Your life at that moment either goes in slow motion or speed up every seconds that made you wonder what the hell happened? But one thing in common with those two is, the moment will pass.

Right now I am worried, scared, stress and wish that the world is at its apocalypse verge so everything will vanish including me. But that won't be happening anytime soon and maybe if we took good care of Earth maybe there won't be one. I face to face reality, put my warrior princess mode and fight!

Dedicated to all dreamers.

2014-02-14T12:43:00.000+08:00

I don't know what that dream is that you have,

I don't care how disappointing is might have been as you working towards that dream.

But that dream that you're holding in your mind that it's POSSIBLE.

That some of you already know that it's hard...it's not easy.

IT'S HARD CHANGING YOUR LIFE.

That in the process of working on your dreams, that you are going to incur a lot of disappointment.

A lot of failure... A lot of pain...

and Moments when you're going doubt yourself

"HOW THAT THIS HAS TO ME?!"

For those of you that experienced some hardships...

Don't give up on your dream.

The rough time are going to come, But...they have not come to stay.

They have come to pass.

Greatness is not this wonderful, esoteric, elusive, god-like feature that only the special among us will ever taste - you know it's something that truly exists in all of us. It's very simple, this is what I believe and I'm willing to die for it. Period. It's that simple. And that's all I need to know, so from there you do what you need to do. I think what happens is we make this situation more complex than it has to be (because we're looking for complexity). - Will Smith

Most people, they raise a family, they earn a living and then... they die.

They stop growing, They stop working on themselves, stop stretching.

They stop pushing themselves that a lot of People like to Complain...

But they don't wanna do anything about their situation,

and most people don't work towards their dream.. Why?!

One is because of Fear.. The fear of failure...

and the fear of success.. This is not a risk taker.

You spend so much time with other people,

You spend so much time trying to make people like you.

You know more of the people than YOURSELF.

You study them... You know about them...

You want to hang out like them.

You Want To Be Just Like Them,

and you know what...

You invested so much time with them...

You don't know who you are.

It's necessary that you get the Losers OUT OF YOUR LIFE,

If you want to live your dreams.

For people that moving towards that dream, Life has some SPECIAL kind of meaning.

When you become the RIGHT PERSON.

You start separating yourself from other people,

you began to have some certain of uniqueness.

As long as you follow other people, as long as you be a copy cat.

You will never ever be the best copy cat in the world.

But You Will Be The Best You Can Be.

I'm challenging you to define your value.

That Everybody won't see it... Everybody won't join you that Everybody won't have the vision.

It's necessary to know that YOU ARE AN UNCOMMON BREED.

It's necessary that you aligned yourself with people and attract people into your business, who are hungry, people who are unstoppable and unreasonable.

People who refuse to live life just as it is and who want More.

The people that living their dreams of becoming WINNERS, to test themselves to.

The people who are living their dreams, people that know if it's going to happen it's up to them.

If you want to be more successful, if you want to have and do stuff you never done before.

I'm asking you to INVEST IN YOU.

“‎Someone's opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” ― Les Brown

That you don't have to go through life as a victim.

and even if you face disappoinment, you have to know within yourself that I can do this even if no one else sees it for me... I must see it for myself.

No matter how bad it is or how bad it gets, I'm GOING TO MAKE IT.

I want to represent an idea, I want to represent possibilities.

That someone like you, right now. You know what I'm saying, you want to go to the next level. I want to be a counsel, I want to be an ENGINEER, I want to be a doctor.

Listen to me... You can't get to that level economically where you want to be until you start investing in your mind.

I dare you to invest in your time.

I dare you to be alone.

I dare you to spend hours to get to know yourself.

When you become who you are, when you become the person you created to be, Design to Be. When you become an individual. What you do is take yourself and start separating yourself from other people. I'm telling you to get a place where people don't like you and don't even bother you no more. Why? Because you're not concern of trying to make them happy. You're trying to get to the next level.

I'm challenging you to INVEST IN YOUR MIND.

If you're still talking about your dream..

If you're still talking about your goals..

If you have not done anything... TAKE THE FIRST STEP.

That you can make your parents proud, you can make your school proud.

You can touch million of people lives and the world will never be the same again because you came this way. DON'T LET ANYBODY STEAL YOUR DREAM.

After we face rejections and you know when you have a meeting and no one show up or somebody says you can count on me and they don't come through.

Nobody believer in you, you lost again and again.

Your lights has come off but you're still looking out your dreams.

When you and everyday you say to yourself.

IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL I WIN.

YOU CAN LIVE YOUR DREAMS.

The miun's lunch

2014-02-11T15:14:00.001+08:00

Good afternoon... My lunch hour everyday is from12pm to 1pm. 1 hour to eat and relax... There are a few restaurant near my office but today I am skipping lunch. Not because I am on a diet (well I am on a 'money diet') but because I forgot my wallet at home. I have only an 800ml water bottle and that is the only source of energy I have.

Although usually if I got some money to spend I usually buy my lunch at Breaktime Cafe and my meal there will cost me RM4.50 and RM22.50 per week if I have lunch for 5 days. RM4.50 is a mix rice dish where you pick 2 type of dish and white rice. I usually picked stir fried vegetables and japanese tofu and add a bit curry gravy. Oh... yum!

My lunch budget is RM5< excluding drink around RM100< per month.

4 miun's star out of 5. Because I can get RM2.50 worth food here. LOL and it's under my budget!

But if I'm in the mood for Chinese food, Foh Chuan!

I give 2 Miun's stars out to 5.

Can't really remember the price since I rarely go there ony when I just got my salary. But it usually will cost me around RM8 for a simple meal like pork fried rice or konomen saunyuk.

There's also 2 malay restaurant which serve mix rice and ala carte dish. Sari Bonda and Wan Tomyam, food rating price is almost similar although Wan Tomyam specialty seem to lean more towards peninsular Malaysia cuisine type of food and Sari Bonda more Bruneian cuisine.

I give 2 Miun's stars out to 5.

3 Miun's stars out to 5 just because I like Nasi Katok.

If I had to pick from the 2 of them I would picked Sari Bonda because it serves Nasi Katok!!!

Nasi katok is a cuisine almost similar to Nasi Lemak but the sambal is more sweeter than Nasi lemak's. And there's fried chicken! I first tasted Nasi Katok at Lawas during my internship at Sipitang. I immediately fall in love with it would love to visit Brunei one day to taste an authentic Nasi Katok. Nasi Katok at SariBonda cost RM5.00, they also serve nasi ayam penyet and nasi imbang.

At Wan tomyam, the only food I tried was the cheapest; chicken fried rice. Normal fried rice and top with chicken chop and cost me about RM6. I haven't tried the tomyam tho... I am a bit biased when it comes to tomyum, the only tomyum I like was at WanWan and Bakut both own by Chinese. Most tomyum I had at a malay restaurant sucks beside WanWan is quite close to my office.

Almost forget, a tad bit expensive for my lunch budget though but this restaurant serve quite okay chicken/sau nyuk/duck rice. But my favorite chicken/ sau nyuk fan is still at the Kedai Kopi Gunung Emas, people will be lining to get tapao from that restaurant and that is a rare scene in KK.

2 Miun's stars out to 5. Mahal la inda berapa sedap lagi...

So if anyone of you are coming to my office area during lunch hour to buy me lunch, feel free to email me at jacyntaraymond@gmail.com. I'm not a fussy eater and I'm free every Monday to Friday at 12-1pm, hehehe.

Okay...I just unabashedly asked for free lunch. Abrupt end since my lunch hour already finished and I have work to finish.

Till then ~~ Cynta

Disclaimer: ALL PICTURES ARE NOT MINE UNLESS STATED. PICTURES SOURCE IS FROM FOURSQUARE AND WATERMARKED BY THEIR OWNER.

Survival of the Miun...

2014-02-10T13:04:00.001+08:00

What is Miun?

Mi-un.

Miun is a word derived from the word Kunsikang or Miunsikang. It is not known whether the word Kunsikang or Miunsikang is an authentic Dusun word. The word Miunsikang was invented by Richard Lidi which has been repeated repetitively by the Lidis as an inside joke. Miun simply means the act of being poor. 

eg: Si Cynta mimang miun.
Miun suda sia ini bulan.

I read an article online recently about Sabah being one of the most expensive state ---> LINK. I never lived anywhere outside Sabah other than visiting but the cheapest food I ever encounter was from Labuan where a bowl of konomen cost RM3 per person and nasi ayam CP which is RM2.80 per person (which I am not sure whether the price is still the same or not).

As the article stated it is true that in Sabah the salaries are lower than Peninsular Malaysia. The salary for an entry level executive with a degree is less than 2k and for a diploma holder less than 1.5k. To eat at a restaurant for a person is around rm8++ and even buying groceries the price is a bit higher than peninsular Malaysia although I couldn't really confirm this one since I don't cook and rarely buy any groceries except for snacks etc... But a friend of mine (from peninsular) said the KFC value meal the one that have rice+1 piece of chicken+ drink, have an additional coleslaw but only KFC at peninsular. Anyone who can confirm this please comment.  

Let me introduce myself first, My name is Jacynta and as stated in my url my nickname is cynta and no, my nick name wasn't made after the Indonesia Hit Movie or That Malay song. I am a fresh graduate Sabahan and working as a junior engineer at a local civil and structure consultant firm. My salary is under 2k and I live from paycheck to paycheck. 

To make it easier for you to understand clearly, here's my monthly budget.

Things I have to pay
1. Car loan = RM480
2. Prepaid topup = RM80 (For internet and calling)
3. Personal loan = RM150
4. PTPTN loan = RM50++ (Haven't started yet planning to soon)
5. Room Rent = RM125 (Divide half with roommate)

Total = RM885 excluding PTPTN =RM835

And that's, half of my salary gone...

This month I also gave my parents a bit money for ASTRO bill and Groceries... oh and also birthday present for Bapa = RM350

Leaving me around RM500 until the end of the month which I have to save for fuel budget and food budget. Fuel budget consist more than half of that (damnit proton saga! not so fuel saving!). So mathematically proves I can't pay my PTPTN just yet and also I can't save any money just yet.

I also don't really have any budget for entertainment or shopping. Even buying facial skincare will burn a hole through my pocket. But the government told us to spend money effectively and efficiently according to what we need and here's my justification of all the things I spend.

My car, I need it for work. Distance between my workplace and rental room is approximately 15km and going back home to Tuaran add another 26km. If I take the bus it will be cheaper, true... but my work start at 8am and end at 5pm. The earliest bus if I'm not mistaken is 6am and it will not pass by my neighborhood, to take it I have to walk at least 2km to the main road. Taking the bus is quite fussy and a 30 minutes route (+ early morning traffic jam) will take about 40 minutes, although there will be no traffic jam in the morning and it will be less that 40 minutes. But the bus from my neighborhood will only take me to the city centre bus station and that's where the problem start. Bus to my workplace is a mini bus which meant they will only start the engine when there are at least 5 passengers. The waiting time is unpredictable so getting to work on time is a 50/50 situation. Oh... and taking bus after work, I have to walk to the nearest bus stop which located 2km from my workplace. So that is my justification on why I need a car, pretty reasonable right?

Prepaid topup... why RM80 and why 2 numbers? RM50 is to pay for my internet plan this actually can be reduce but internet is the only cheap entertainment I can get. RM30 is for my other number which only for calls and contacting people without internet plan.

Personal loan was made to pay for my school's fee. PTPTN loan was for my diploma (I had my diploma in a private college) and for my degree my parents help to pay but at the end of the semester I pay everything myself. I don't want to burden my parents anymore since I am old enough to pay my own bills.

Room rent;  obviously... yes I can live with my parents at TUARAN!!! which is approximately 41KM!!! from my workplace and there is no bus pass by my parents house. Beside I like living independent, wash my own clothes, clean my room only when it look like a nuclear disaster, eat when I want, watch what I want but I still love going back Tuaran on the weekends, home cooked food and being around family is nice.

You can't really expect me to not help my parents pay the bills right? My Bapa turn 52 this year and he deserve an awesome presents from his children! Also this is my first job, it's logical that children should spend their parents after all the sacrifice they've done. My sister and I bought him an Arowana fish which cost us RM218 after discount (-_-").

So yeah, now... I have less than RM200 including fuel budget until payday (it's only the 10th of February) and this is why I am a miun.

Till the next post for "Survival of the Miun" ~~ Cynta

Good times...

2014-01-19T18:49:00.001+08:00

I'm in the mood to reminisce good times happen throughout my life, so this post will be a heavy pictures post. Because although words can be used to describe, one single picture can speak a thousand words. I know, I am lame for saying that as if people don't know that already. zzz...

Anyway, it's a Sunday and it's raining. I was out early to send off my aunt to the airport and to save my fuel budget, I decided to go back to my weekday home early and have lunch with the boyfriend. So I was planning to sleep all day after lunch but I couldn't sleep. I feel I am getting a bit more grown up now, I cannot not do anything all day, sleeping too much will only give me headache. Basically I am like an elderly person now, I wake up early and I go to sleep early, so to maximize all the free time I have I must spend each seconds productively. Yesterday I spend my day cleaning... but I feel happy doing it because not only we have a clean house, I got to spend time productively! So yay to that.

Lets start reminiscing now before I clean up my room and throw away more stuff I don't need. A little warning tho, expect no photoshop for all the pictures.

I have to post this. 50kg and no boobs, to remind myself to stick with current weight and be more healthy. Better food choice! workout more often! I am happier now that I can throw away all my hippie dress that was design to hide all my lady lumps. I always wore cardigans to hide my flabby arms.

My first ever oversea trip and also my first ever plane trip. I never been on a plane before 2008, never been out of Sabah so hopefully this 2014 I will get more chance to explore new places. :)

This use to be our favourite picnic spot. Kibunut river! Sorry for polluting the river with our shampoo, it was fun. My family just loves picnics... The over pack food and just lazing around with each other. I think we need to find a new river picnic spot. Any suggestion?

Wearing heavy makeup on a dayout. My sister was so tanned and now she's so fair that people always think that we're not related. Well, people always think we're not related since we look different and it's really rare to meet people who thinks we look like siblings. Haha...

That was one hell of a cake! Taken at a buffet dinner. Buffet dinner is the best! Especially for families.

Unabashedly taking selfie pictures in front of the mirror in the hotel lobby.

One of my unglam moments. (-_-")

Okay... after the fifth blue screen. I give up. I must buy a new hard disk or maybe a new laptop? thinking about it... Hopefully this Chinese new year will bring me good luck and I can buy myself a new laptop and also some new things.

Till then...

Resolution review

2014-01-13T09:39:00.001+08:00

Kind of early to do my new year's resolution (disclaimer: this post was started before the end of the year). Sometimes I don't really see the point of making one because I will always forget what my resolution was, I did try to be more realistic... Never mind I found my old post about supposedly this year resolution.

So lets start the review...

1. Be skinny. I don't care if people call me anorexic I want to be skinny. I hate it when people call me curvy or chubby. "Ko bukan gemuk bah, ko berisi sja"...

Okay... I am not skinny as I wish to be which was to weigh 40kg but I do look quite skinny than my December 2012...

Unphotoshopped picture of me. Look at that flabby arms

and 2013

Hard to find unphotoshopped picture of me. (-_-")

I feel a little lighter than 2012, hope 2014 I will achieve my dream weight!

2. I want to get better grades. Since I'm graduating soon I hope I graduate with better grades. So I won't procrastinate and let myself dwell into depression this year. :)No more last minute work, no more last minute studying, no more last minute doing anything! I will give my best in doing any projects! ü

Okay... This is a lie. But I did get an A for one subject and I did graduated. so I think this can check this out.

3. Move out. It's not that I don't like the place I'm currently living but it's getting a bit cramped with all of my stuffs. Beside roomie and I need a fresh start since I'll be working soon.

Still at the same matchbox room that I've been living for the past 4 years. Hopefully can achieve this one by the end of this year.

4. Learn new things. I need to upgrade my knowledge especially when it comes to software. I need to upgrade my skills in autocad, learn esteem and any damn software related to civil engineering.

Autocad upgraded a lot, learn MiTS, m.excel also improved a lot. This is an on-going resolution so can't check this one yet.

5. Take good care of skin, body and be more presentable in public. I usually don't wear any makeup and usually look like I just woke up and haven't showered for a week... unless I feel like I need to dolled up. But I did try to be a bit presentable last year and I learn to use face mask at least once a week so I'll continue it this year ~~and hopefully people won't notice that I'm actually nearing 30~~.

Skin condition still the same, a little oily by the end of the day. Presentable still working on it. Yesterday went to church and got scold by Ma because I didn't comb my haywire hair. I think I've improved but still need work to do.

6. Blog more and maybe this year my lookbook will have pictures. I love fashion especially Japanese fashion and I did try to dress more like them this year. A bit fail tho but nobody can stop me from trying! So here's some of my attempts.

I did blog more than I did 2012... so this is another recycle resolutions. Didn't blog any fashion post tho.

I also need to add 2 more resolution to the unfinished resolution but one of it, is very personal tho and I don't want to jinx it so will reveal when the right time comes.

and no... it doesn't have anything to do with tying any "knot" or a bundle of joy.

7. TO TRAVEL AND TAKE MORE PHOTOGRAPHS.
Since I am a self proclaimed photo hoarder as stated in my instagram.

So my travel wish list this year would be;
i.Legoland, Johor with Genesis.

ii. Penang for good food.

iii. Singapore to stalk my favourite bloggers.

iv. Japan for fashion!

v. Bandung for shopping.

vi. Cebu for my uncle's wedding and beautiful island.

vii. Korea for runningman.

viii. Thailand for the "shows".

ix. Hong Kong for Disneyland.

x. Any Sabah island or maybe mount kinabalu again.

Now, must end this post because am writing this using office's computer, need to focus more on work, I also need to buy a new laptop soon

So see you...

Graduated officially!

2013-12-19T19:32:00.001+08:00

So 24th November marks the day that I officially graduated from engineering school. I am so glad and relief that after all that... after all the assignments, test, midterms, final exams and final year paper, I can look back at it now and say I FUCKING SURVIVED ENGINEERING SCHOOL.

I may not be the brightest and my grades are mostly average, I managed to overcome my sense of hopelessness which if any of you reading this is my main concern in the early days of my blog posts. Now I finally am an engineer and not just an engineer but a design engineer which something that I wanted as a career launch. I am happy and thankful that I graduated.

This blog post is dedicated mostly to the people around me who supported me all through graduation.

To my parents with their never ending support, I did one time really wanted to quit because I felt that I don't have what it takes and they were the one who encouraged me.

To my relatives and siblings especially Uncle Petrus and Uncle Richard who got me into the program. Thank you Nancy, Wewen, Daisy, Nonoi, Wiwin, Wawan, Ipik and of course Nonok.

To my besties Siti, Farah, GG, Sasa, Bb, Pika, Pyang, Ejah and all the course mates I befriended during all those wretched school years. Thank you being my friend I know I am not the best friend a person would have and I quote one of my besties, "anti social and awkward" (sometimes)... Yep that's me, believe or not. Thanks for keeping up with little old me, thanks for all the patience, thanks for all the support. I really cannot ask a better group of friends than I have now and I sincerely can say that you guys really are my best friends. Love you all IP GIRLS! I hope we will always keep in touch no matter how old we are, and wherever we are.

Lastly to my love. Yes, the only person who knew me best other than my Mama. I cannot express my gratitude in words (also because of my limited vocabulary), I love you, I know you won't be reading this but thank you boo without you (insert all cheesy lovey dovey stuff). Things will get better now, I promise you.

Here are the convocation presents I got. Friends also gave us a bouquet flowers and Ma also gave me one, I specifically told her not to get me one but she went on and bought me fake flowers bouquet without any stupid stuffed animals tho. She already gave me a gold bracelet that morning, that was more than enough and my mother is the best. :)

I was genuinely surprised receiving so much gifts, I really didn't expected to get any and not only that I get a party. I was already happy that my parents wanted to attend my graduation although I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get to pay for that myself. Although I didn't get to take any pictures with my dad at the convocation hall, I am glad that he attended although after he saw me on stage receiving my degree, he gladly rush to the exit. LOL

Before my convocation and before the chaos.

I arrive at my university quite early actually but I forgot to collect some kind of pass which need to be given to a person that will scan it into some machine that will read my name and name will appear on the big screen. I got scolded because I was the only one that didn't collected that fucking pass, got scolded again because my appearance is not up to par... In short I was a mess on my convocation. But I already got up on the stage, received my degree and have nothing to worry about anymore! YAY!!!

I also got a convocation party at my house which is kind of lame I guess, since some people came to the party expected that it will be lots of people. But no... the party is PERFECT for me, just family. They also gave me a cake for it! I got my degree, a party, a cake and presents!

Also a few convocation pictures which can be view from my instagram. Follow me @cyntacinta at instagram!

Of course to my one and only Mother. She is my biggest supporter, my love and I don't think I can live without her... not yet. Thank you so much Ma for EVERYTHING!

******************************************************************************

Well that was a month ago. The post was written around that time but I got so caught up with work that I didn't get a chance to finish it. Anyway as December is my birthday month and also Christmas of course! I think I had a rather adult-ish birthday means I got no presents on my birthday this year not even from stupid boyfriend because I just bought myself A MUTHAFUCKIN CAR!!!!

Okay... it was nothing special, just a...

BLUE ROCK SAGA!

Yes, I know it one of the cheapest car in the market right now and I got the *hides face with hand* SV (super value) but the fact that I am able to buy it after 2 month of employment! (There's actually a fresh graduate scheme for that)... and using my own hard earned money! *saying this with flaring nose and fist gripping showing my enthusiasm* Is something to be proud of and it came out just around my birthday!

The only problem I have now is how to survive this month being broke as fuck.

But anyway, next week is PAYDAY! So all this can now stop... wait. But if I keep this up I can save a lot of money. hmmm... Maybe then I can really write "Survival of The Miuns". Miuns = Broke, don't know if it's an actual dusun word but my uncle always says that, "Miun, Miunsikang, Kunsikang". Whatever it's a book on how to survive being a broke ass. But I'll talk about this subject on another post.

Till then...

Sunday

2013-11-10T15:15:00.001+08:00

Hello... I am using a new phone app for blogging since I rarely use my laptop nowadays for internet. Mostly I spend my internet surfing time using phone or my office desktop during free time at work. So if this is a good app then I will be happy to use it in a long run.

I did found a few blogging app however the official blog app for blogspot is quite a hassle to use since it kept on crashing and take a very long time to upload a pic. So here we go, i'm going to upload a few pictures.

New pup, ma named it Lidas that means health in dusun.

Gunter, I named this one. Because my brother and I are quite obsessed with adventure time.

There are 6 pups tho. We're planning to keep only 2 of them. 2 will be given to my uncle and another 2 probably to my other brother.

So yeah... This is it... Abrupt end and goodbye.

This one is for the...

2013-11-09T23:20:00.001+08:00

Reminds me of piso.... How I miss her :(

Test

2013-11-09T23:18:00.001+08:00

Hahahahahah

The Devil wears Rolex

2013-10-22T21:15:00.000+08:00

I've been quite obsess with The Devil wears Prada lately maybe because I can relate to how Andy felt in that movie. Fresh out of university, first job and working for the devil. However my devil is not as stylish as Miranda Priestly or as evil as her. I don't have to get coffee or do anything that involves the almost impossible task to do.

But the funny thing is I find myself wishing I can trade places with Andy.

My job can be consider boring most of the time, unless I have a new task to do. I really like doing design, I like that I can do something useful and make that plan into reality. Even though I only done civil works and hasn't yet done any structures design but I believe that soon I will get that chance. I'm really excited to learn and witness the beauty of engineering. It's not a glamorous job, I don't have to wear designer's clothes to work or put on any effort to look good, I just have to appear presentable and ready.

But now... I feel very unmotivated, incompetent, dumb and useless. I feel that I am not contributing to the company. All I did was sit on my desk and wait for instructions from my boss. I didn't adapt to the working world as fast as I hope I can. I find it hard to understand my boss directions and he changes it like nobody's business. In my office there's only 3 engineers, 1 is a senior engineer and the other is my boss, so I am the third engineer in the office. The senior engineer usually very busy since he's the only one doing the big projects so I only go to him when I really need help but his answer most of the time is "You ask boss" and when I go to my boss, he's even busier and his phone just won't stop ringing.

My point is... I don't have a mentor. I am in desperate need for one. Someone that can give clear understanding of designs, teach me to turn what I learn from school to work. Today at work my boss said "I don't understand why you still don't understand". I feel like crying and I did just without tears. And then I emailed the wrong project to someone and another condescending remark "You are still in the dark".

But whenever I feel bad about myself... I go to my mind and watch my favorite scene in the movie where Andy complains to Nigel about her job...

Andy Sachs: She hates me, Nigel.

Nigel: And that's my problem because... Oh, wait. No, it's not my problem.

Andy Sachs: I don't know what else I can do because if I do something right, it's unacknowledged. She doesn't even say thank you. But if I do something wrong, she is vicious.

Nigel: So quit.

Andy Sachs: What?

Nigel: Quit.

Andy Sachs: Quit?
Nigel: I can get another girl to take your job in five minutes... one who really wants it.
Andy Sachs: No, I don't want to quit. That's not fair. But, I, you know, I'm just saying that I would just like a little credit... for the fact that I'm killing myself trying.

Nigel: Andy, be serious. You are not trying. You are whining. What is it that you want me to say to you, huh? Do you want me to say, "Poor you. Miranda's picking on you. Poor you. Poor Andy"? Hmm? Wake up, six. She's just doing her job. Don't you know that you are working at the place that published some of the greatest artists of the century? Halston, Lagerfeld, de la Renta. And what they did, what they created was greater than art because you live your life in it. Well, not you, obviously, but some people. You think this is just a magazine, hmm? This is not just a magazine. This is a shining beacon of hope for... oh, I don't know... let's say a young boy growing up in Rhode Island with six brothers pretending to go to soccer practice when he was really going to sewing class and reading Runway under the covers at night with a flashlight. You have no idea how many legends have walked these halls. And what's worse, you don't care. Because this place, where so many people would die to work you only deign to work. And you want to know why she doesn't kiss you on the forehead and give you a gold star on your homework at the end of the day. Wake up, sweetheart.

Yes, Wake Up Cynta.

All I have to do know is try harder. I must read all the company files so I know which project is which. I must study 2 main project that I am working. I must write down all the progress and preferably in excel so I can keep track. I must be fast, I must not be easily afraid and intimidated. I survived engineering college so I can do this. This is my dream to build and create. I can be creative in any way I want even in engineering.

Things will go well. Things always go well.

Roomate and I will move out from this dusty small room.

I will buy my first car by next year.

I can help my parents pay for our pets food supplies.

I can pay for my little brother's music class.

I can give good gift to my love ones.

I will get a raise or maybe a new job with a much better salary.

I will have a mentor that can guide me.

I will have the chance to participate in an international construction project.

Roomate and I will be able to travel and see new countries.

I can go to gym and stay slim forever.

I can have a designer perfume, bag and shoes.

All that left is for me to believe everything I just said. I believe it... Soon, I just have to work harder to achieve it.

and One day when I'm the boss I can pull this off...

ME TIME

2013-10-11T21:47:00.001+08:00

Finally, get a chance to sit down and be alone in my room. Not having anyone to talk is kind of a relief even though in my office, I rarely chat with my colleagues. Come to think of it nobody really chat with anyone even when the Boss is not in the office and our office is a very small office so you might imagine that there'll be a tight bond between us but no. All of us usually arrived on the dot at 8am and go back home on the dot 5pm. We are quite punctual people but not workaholic I think because nobody stays after 5pm.

It might sound boring but I like it... maybe I'm a boring person. NOOOO... I consider myself sometimes talkative only in my small circle of family and friends. I like my job but sometimes it gave me mini panic attack everyday because I'm afraid that I might screw up and the Bos will fired me or scold me. But overall my working environment is nice...

For 2 days, I haven't slept good. I usually slept around 10pm so I'll be motivated to do my job and most importantly can think clearly. Right now I am thinking about the earthworks calculation and my Boss asked me to check whether the given report is correct but I found some conflicting values and it worries me. Also, since roommate working hours is different from mine, I have to borrow cars from Ipik and Noi. Why both?... not because I'm greedy but yesterday was one hell of a day. Ipik's car security system decided to fuck me up and then roommate's car been locked by the parking security because he parked at a reserve parking area. So my kind brother lend me his car for the time being. FUCK SECURITIES!!!

I spend too much money already and I know I shouldn't be worrying about it so I spend RM30 buying lunch for people I love today. Hehehe... how is that going to help me save? I don't and I don't want to give a fuck. I am happy I can finally spend my own hard earn money and it's nice to be independent for once.

This post was supposed to be more... well I am rambling because I feel tired and also glad that I am finally home alone to smoke, bath and then sleep.

ABRUPT END.

Hanyut

2013-09-29T23:47:00.001+08:00

I've been planning to update this blog but then since roomie is now unemployed and is at home 24/7, I get little privacy of my own. I mean I like being with him and people in general but mostly I really like my alone time. Without anyone to talk to and just me alone in this small room.

Work is work I guess. I get more anxious everyday with my work, I'm worried that it is not good enough, I'm too slow finishing the job, I'm too slow to picked up and understand what my employer meant, I'm worried if I make silly mistakes and I'm worried that I cannot stick it out and when my 3 months probation is up I have to start looking for a new job again. I love my job but all this worrying drives me crazy.

It's just a lot of things to worry about, our financial situation is not really good right now. I wish I can talk to someone about this. I tried.. but I don't think that person understand. But what is the point of worrying... When negativity manifest inside your mind it will eat up all the positive vibes. So I must keep my head up and I believe all this is only temporary. Roomie is a great person and I believe he will get a job soon and then our life will be back to normal or maybe even better.

Everyday is the same thing... I woke up at 6.30 get ready. Out from the house by 7.15 and arrive 7.50, waited 10 minutes outside then walk up to the office. Wait for 12pm, go out to lunch with my aunt and then back at 1pm. 5 pm out of the office, jam jam jam...arrive home at 6.15pm. Tired as hell, talk to roomie about my day and then instant noodles for dinner. Asleep by 10pm. The same routine for 5 - 6 days a week.

I'm okay with the routine it's just that I hope I can get used to it and then I can work on with my side projects. I've been talking it for months and I haven't gotten to it yet. I want to finish this novel I'm reading. I want to go on a vacation with roomie. I want to move out. I want to learn yoga and pilates. I want to be able to make my parents happy. I want... I want... I want...

A lot of "want" in my life.

But what I need no matter how cheesy it sounds is LOVE.

I believe I do have that. I am in love with this guy that I have been dating for 6 years now. I am happy that when I come home tired from work, he is here with me. Even though he can be a pain in the ass from time to time but we are together. So together we will build the life we both want. Aiseh... I sound like a romantic here but IRL we are quite an odd couple.

I am happy because I know I got the love from my parents, nonok and my families. I know that ma will always supports me. Talking to her always comforted me, listening to my dad silly jokes and sometimes very useful advice is joy. Watching cartoons and playing football with my little brother makes me happy.

So as long as I am with the people that I love and care... I think I'm going to be okay. I got the balls to get the job now I must have the courage to stick it out. :)

Love guide me now and give me courage.