crazydaycary

date weekend!

2012-02-13T11:50:00.000-06:00

We don't have a lot of date nights, as far as getting fixed up and going out goes, around here. We might watch a movie after the kids go to bed once a week or so...I mean, we really live it up. Part of this is because we have two kids. That means asking someone to watch them-- of which we have several family and a few friend choices, so no complaints there. But sometimes after a week with two kiddos, getting all fixed up and ready to go out just doesn't have the same appeal as it did 8, 9, 10 years ago. heck, 5 years ago when i was halfway to gigantically pregnant. Another part of this is because we don't budget much for entertainment....because we don't have a ton of extra to budget for that, and because honestly, there are better ways to save our money than blowing it on ourselves. But this weekend, we were able to go and do a few fun things.

Friday night, we went to dinner at Matthew Kenney in OKC...and you should try it. Very good. It's a raw foods restaurant, but you need to brace yourself, sushi or sushi aversion crowds...it's vegetarian cuisine. And it's fantastic. I don't love sushi, and it has nothing to do with the taste... it is simply because the idea of raw fish gags me (the thought of raw any kind of meat gags me). So we headed to Matthew Kenney, because it looked unique, and I had a groupon there :). We started off with a dragon roll, which was fantastic...then we had a Salsa Verde salad, also fantastic (the chips were made from roasted red peppers....so good). Then for dinner we had tortellini (me) and tamales (b). My advice, for sure, is to get an app and/or salad before dinner, bc dinner is savory but small. The prices are not bad at all for the caliber of restaurant (entrees max out at $12, I think). But heck to the no when it comes to skipping dessert. DO NOT SKIP DESSERT IF YOU GO HERE. In fact, i say get the chocolate ganache tart. It is insanely delicious...with a french press of coffee on the side. Holy yummo. Anyway, it won't be a regular stop for us, but we will definitely go back. Unique, and tasty, and you don't leave hungry. Plus everything is organic and nothing is cooked past 180 degrees, if cooked at all, so it's all really healthy! So good. But we can't go back anytime too soon. Not just bc we are out of fun money for the month...but because of what happened at the end (THANKFULLY) of our dinner. BDawg had paid out...and was waiting at the table with my stuff while I went to the restroom. As I entered the corridor housing the restrooms, our waiter was standing at the bar, and he saw me coming, so he politely opened the door to the restroom for me (they are those one room bathrooms, you know, you have it all to yourself, the way a bathroom should be). I thought, "that's so nice of him!" Until I walked in and thought, "Is this some sort of joke? A prank??" Because there, in front of me, sat a chef. On the toilet. You know, going potty. A girl younger than myself, and hopefully not reading this, and if she is, I'm here to say, I'M SO SORRY AND IT TOTALLY WAS NOT MY FAULT!!! But I couldn't say that. I was flabbergasted. I just stood there like an idiot. Thinking, "this has to be some sort of joke??? right?" but the sweet girl just looked up at me in one of the most vulnerable positions in which one can be seen, and said, "oh. i'm sorry." so i turned around, walked out, and our waiter opened another bathroom door for me...and i turned to him and said, "well now. that was awkward. for everyone." and then I shut the bathroom door. locked it, and triple checked to make sure it was locked, and texted my husband to get to the car right now...i could not face walking back to the table where i would have to see that chef again (because the restaurant is open kitchen and you can see the chefs preparing your food).... Anyway...yeah. To that poor girl...I'm sorry. And I bet she never ever ever forgets to double check the lock ever ever ever again.

Then we went to see a late showing of "The Vow" at Yukon's old ghetto-fabulous movie theater. We have a newer theater, but it wasn't showing that movie, and we knew it'd be mega crowded at the OKC theaters, and cost more anyway (remember. budget, people.) And in serious, this theater is older...and kinda dirty (the seats are supposed to be blue, i think, but mainly they look brown)...but I'm not dissing it, because we've been there on several occasions and my husband or I one always know one of the students working, and the staff is super duper friendly, and the prices are not sky high, and we don't care about high tech stuff, and I like small towny feel...so it's a winner in our books. Anyway, ...we were able to watch the movie in a theater that only had about half capacity....and I told God he doesn't ever have to give me a teenage daughter if he doesn't want to, because the 37 of them in the theater were enough to make me about come unglued. I mean, you can't deny the attractiveness of Channing Tatum, but if they could just keep the giggles and sighs to themselves, that'd be great. Thanks, girls. And whichever one of you thought it was cool to leave your phone on, not on vibrate, but full out turned up, and then let it ring for what seemed like 5 minutes before silencing it to answer it, well, I want to tell you, thank you. And I want to say, these girls are at every movie in every theater in the United States of America. And they always get on my nerves. And then I imagine buying their mom a cup of coffee or glass of wine, because if I were living with that every day.... I'd love it to pieces, I know. I was the most lovable teenage daughter known in history. Mark my words. A perfect angel. I never did anything remotely exasperating. Ever. Not once. Ever ever ever ever ever. No, really. I still have a halo...somewhere. But anyway, yeah...big ol' thanks to them for making my movie going experience extra special. You know when they didn't sigh or swoon aloud? You know what moment I got to smile to myself? A moment they would never in a billion years understand in their premium youth...the moment when I saw the "other" guy in the movie. Scott Speedman. As in, Ben, from Felicity. As in, way before your time, chickadees. But not before mine. So swoon over Channing Tatum. Swoon away. But I will let my husband just make fun of me for the look on my face when I said, "You know who that is?!?! That's ben, from felicity!!!" and then all those teenagers told me to shut up with my swooning. shhhhhhhhhhhh. okay. they didn't. but i uttered some SHHHHs to them. yes. i'm that person.

So that ended our Friday night.

Saturday morning I made breakfast, then B ran some errands while I worked on some craft things. Then we got ready and headed to Thackerville, OK. It sounds small, right? Yeah. It is. But you know what they have there that's super big? I wouldn't know this on a typical day, so I assume many of you do not. But they have the WinStar World Casino. It's enormous, and looks like all these different areas of the world outside-- London, Beijing, um, lots of places. It's beautiful. Outside. We aren't casino goers- sorry to any of you who are-- I don't know how people do that. First of all, I was never aware that many people still smoke in the nation. I think maybe everyone who smokes was all there that day. I mean. wow. Second of all, and I'm sure this is because we aren't acclimated to the environment, but we just didn't "get" it. WAIT- before I go on, we were not there for the casino experience-- we were there for a concert. Anyway, we just didn't "get it"...Brandon said, "it's like grown ups...sitting in front of a video game all day?" Yeah, totally didn't get it. But we were there for a concert that my husband has been hoping he'd get to go to one day, for as long as I've known him. It just happened to be 2 hours away from our house in the prettiest smoke joint you've seen. ALABAMA. Not the state, because clearly i already said we were in thackerville, Oklahoma. Alabama, the band. Anyway, it was a good time, and we came home with a little jingle still in our pockets. That means money, if you don't get the reference....which means you don't listen to alabama. what's wrong with you?

Anyway, good weekend. Dinner where I got to see another adult using the bathroom. Movie where I decided swoon worthy actors' movies should only be shown in divisions: mothers with their daughters (or teenage girls with a supervised adult) can view the movie at this time, teenage girls without a mother/adult can view the movie at this time, and women who are too old to swoon but do it anyway can view the movie with their friends or significant other at this time, without worrying about 13 year olds and their cell phones. (okay all you 13 year olds-- i know you're sweet girls, most of you, i'm just super sure of it! but you know, sometimes when you get older like i am, you get kind of grouchy and set in your ways. so, you be you. and i'll be me. and when we aren't in the movies together, or any other public place where you are acting kind of inappropriate but you don't really know it because you're 13...well, all the times other than that, we really would be great friends, i know it. really, i do.)...and finally, Alabama concert where I got to see first off, lots and lots of smokers. I got to also see a line for the men's restroom longer than the women's restroom line....and I got to see that we were mostly the youngest age of people at the concert...and I got to see three men in or near their 60s showing off like they'd never stopped.

Hope you had a good weekend, too!

recovery

2012-01-24T16:00:00.000-06:00

I betcha didn't know the reason I've been gone for the past 2+weeks is because I hurt my knee. Running. We assume....

Yes. It happened. Me...in all of my athletic glory. I was hardcore, people. Run.ning. 6AM-ish, 2 days a week, and only a bit later than that the third day of the week. Yoga/Pilates 2-3 other days a week. And nothing 1-2 days a week (I like those days best). Then it happened. I went for my 6 AM run, and made it about 1/4 of the distance....and my stupid knee just wouldn't stop throbbing. I couldn't sufficiently walk, much less run. So I called it quits, came home, was annoyed. Emailed my friends, one of whom is a doctor...she prescribed a visit to my actual doctor. So...the next day there I was. I still couldn't walk well at all. I'd been icing the knee. I'd been resting it. I'd been taking Advil. Nada. So the doctor pushed and prodded the knee, and was pretty certain nothing was too amiss (no tears, no sprain, etc). Bursitis. An inflammation of the bursa, if you will. That junk doesn't play, people. It. HURTS. Like, makes you wanna cry when you put your underwear on-- not because you are getting old and have two children and have ugly granny panties kind of crying, but cry because you can't even move to clothe yourself. And after that, there are pants....and socks...and shoes. For the love! Disastrous. So anyway, yes, the little fluid filled sac that is supposed to help my joints move smoothly (we have many of these in our body) was inflamed. An RX for some NSAIDS, as well as icing and resting and doing some strengthening exercises was the remedy. After a week of that, and severe limping....and missing activities...and crying....I went back to the doctor. She was more than accommodating to give me a shot right in the knee. Within 2-3 days, I was able to cut back to only taking half of my medicine....and today I haven't needed any. Much less limping. Much less crying. Much less drama from the mama (at least with regards to my athletic injury. since i'm an athlete.)

So anyway, I feel much better now.

So my knee is almost recovered. I will be working up my nerve to run again....

Onto another type of recovery. So I've been reading-- lots of things...The Hunger Games Trilogy (oooooh looooove thooooose), the Bible (a few days behind in my 90 day reading plan...but going strong-- some of those books of the Law....well I had to be put on a slow track plan, self-imposed, for those. But we're almost to 2nd Samuel now, so things are moving a bit more quickly), "7" by Jen Hatmaker (READ.IT.), Interrupted, also by Jen Hatmaker....Boundaries, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend...and a few others I can't think of off the top of my head. So, anyway, through several of these books, as well as several instances in my life lately, I can not shake this.....this thing I can't even put into the correct wordage.

I spoke with someone the other day who was talking about someone praying with them; in and of itself, that is a wonderful gesture. If someone's praying for me, I love that! If someone feels compelled to pray with me, I love that, too! What I don't love is what I heard next-- in that praying with this person, the prayer that was uttered was more of a lecture and preaching at that person than a communication with the Lord. What is prayer? Is it our opportunity to interact with one another? Perhaps on a level of community, it is. But prayer itself is an open opportunity for us to speak to the living God. If I see a fault in someone's life, first of all, I may not even know the truth there or the entire story, and second of all, if I want to pray for that person's eyes to be opened or whatever, there's no reason I can't ask God for that, but to do so in a way that is so off putting and so blatant and so in front of that exact individual who may be in a delicate situation that I really know very little about? really? I just don't get it. I don't. Prayer is an opportunity for us to fall before the throne of the Lord and to praise Him for who He is in the midst of the ugly that we often are. To ask Him to clean up the ugly parts of who WE are and turn them into the very thing He desires us to become. It isn't my opportunity to preach at someone. If I need to confront someone about something, prayer isn't a hedge to do it so that they will maybe hear me say this about them in my prayer to God and thus get the idea that I think they need to change their ways. WHAT? no. If I think I need to tell someone something like that, that's what I should do. Tell them. Not send a subliminal prayer message. Because that's gonna go over well. If I'm praying, even if it is in unison with a body of believers around me, even if thousands of us are crying out for the same thing from the Lord, prayer is us.talking.to.God. He hears us. It doesn't matter if anyone else does. That isn't what it's for. Nope. That kind of livin' isn't going to 'learn' anybody anything. Love, people. Love. That isn't to say we shouldn't pray FOR people...but...um....we shouldn't preach AT them if we are praying WITH them. nope. I don't think so, anyway. I'm guessing that indirectly that kind of leaves the person on the receiving end of that not really wanting to come back for more of that kind of love.

I have had conversations recently, some with myself, some with other more sane human beings....about "church". I love our church family-- love the friendly people there, love the honesty that pours out of our pastors, love the sense of family, even though we have not been near as involved as I would like (due to Ridge/health stuff). I love THE church family in general (globally, universally, internationally)-- the body of believers, the absence of definition by denomination, but the relationship amongst us being knit together by our common thread in Christ-- by the salvation He has brought us, and by the change we long to continue experiencing and the change we long to bring and the eternity we hold to. But I don't always love "church" in the sense many Americans think of it...the buildings, the "have to check this off my list for the week" mentality. And it doesn't matter what "church" you go to, there are people in every denomination (some more than others! :) ) who just "do" church. That's what they've always done. Maybe they've said some prayer or walked down some aisle, and far be it from me to determine anyone's sincerity in salvation-- I sure hope people don't try to determine mine, because there are days I'd be better off to just hide under the bed all day-- but really they just "do" church. Sunday morning, maybe a class, maybe Sunday night, maybe even Wednesday night. Heck, I was at the church every time the doors were open from childhood till I was about 18 years old. But for some, that's all it is, a "to do"....a sit-in-the-same-seat-every-week-ritual-and-if-you're-in-my-seat-ima-gonna-tell-ya-that's-fosho redundance. Bless.You. BLESS. YOU. I will pray for you. Not at you. For you. Because when that stuff happens and other people come hungry to meet Jesus but encounter you first, they decide maybe they just won't come back. oooooh that we would BE the church! That we would love the new faces that we see in the BUILDING, in the parking lot, across the street, at work, at the grocery store....that joy would fill our hearts and pour out of our mouths....that tears would fall for the hurting....that prayers of restoration and healing would be prayed....that hungry and homeless would be fed (LITERALLY, PHYSICALLY!) and housed and helped by us, so that Jesus would shine so brightly that our stupid humanity could not cloud His glory! AAAAAAAAAAH! We need to rise up! We need to need to neeeeeeeeeeeed to! If we can not have joy in our hardships, and can not love those who hurt us, and can not give up our flippin seat to someone who obviously had no idea you had to buy season tickets to the show, then what does that say about our love for God?!?! Wreck us, O Lord...for your Glory, and your renown! May our arms be open wide to the hurting, may the scales fall from our eyes and you allow us to see the needs right before our very faces. Humble us! Change all those 'us'es to 'me's so that I don't sound like I'm preaching my prayer :). Lord, give us hearts and hands to love the hurting, feed the hungry, clothe the needy, help the helpless, hold the orphans, care for the widows....not in word, not in prayer alone, but in DEED. Give legs to our words. Change everything so many of us have been comfortable with for far too long. There is recovery that needs to happen, and this movement is stirring in the hearts of many people of God.

If you need a seat at church this Sunday, I can totally promise that the row we're usually on is full of crazy because our two kids sit with us (one is known to laugh or cry out loud often...the other one is fairly consistent at silently stinking up the area (and this is the one NOT in diapers anymore))...and for those reasons, I will gladly give you my chair. :)

MICAH 6:8
He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Numbers...even this math brain over here can become bored....

2012-01-11T15:16:00.000-06:00

Okay, so on my 90 day journey of reading through the Bible, I have reached day 11. I haven't missed a day, and you do realize this means I am 12% of the way there. I know, it's only 12%. But dude, that's a pretty decent dent for 11 days! So I'm just getting towards the end of Numbers. Not gonna lie....the last part of Exodus, ALL of Leviticus, and the first half of Numbers...= brutal. I'm glad we have all the details, but...bru.tal. In fact, Leviticus convinced me, on Sunday, that it was definitely nap time. Definitely. So Sunday got a 2 part plan for reading...half before nap, involuntary nap, half after nap.

But. Numbers ain't all bad. There's some funny stuff in there (not supposed to be funny I'm sure, but I'm a dork, so some of it's funny to me.)
* not funny, but totally eye-roll worthy EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. they do this-- the Israelites. They gripe about EVERY flippin' thing. they want more food. God gives them manna from heaven, miraculously. They get so tired of it they want some meat. God gives them quail- literally tons of it (no one gathered less than about 17 tons of it! seriously! ri.dic.u.lousssss)- tells them they will eat it till it comes out their nostrils. Only they've griped so much up to that point, He decides to just wipe a bunch of them out with a plague. Do the rest of them learn? Nope. The entire book of Numbers is filled with the same complaint, "Why did you bring us out of Egypt???" (um...you were slaves in Egypt. You were totally mistreated. I think you're forgetting how bad it was there.)
*After much griping by the Israelites, Moses asks God (forgive me, I am paraphrasing somewhat) "How am I supposed to deal with these people? Seriously, I'd rather you just kill me." Thankfully, the Lord gives him some other people to help with the difficult ones (which was like...all of them).

And there's some really good stuff in there. Here's what I gleaned the most from today. The Lord tells Moses that the reason He brought them out of Egypt was to be their God (Numbers 15:41). THE.REASON=TO.BE.THEIR.GOD. Countless times the Israelites ask/say things like, "Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to this terrible place? It has no grain or figs, grapevines or pomegranates. And there is no water to drink!" (Numbers 20:5). He allowed Moses to bring you out of Egypt so that He (the Lord) would be your God. That's why. He rescued you from something terrible, and yes, you are living in something not so great either, but just because junk is happening all around you doesn't mean He's forsaken you. Get your heads in the game people (Israelites...oh, and me, too. You? I'll let you decide that for yourself). It isn't just about you (Israelites/me...you?) and your wants. Stuff happens. Did God MAKE the Israelites slaves? Did He MAKE them have no water, no figs, no...pomegranates (the horror!)??? Did He MAKE Ridge have MLT? Did He MAKE my father in law die way too soon and leave us with a hole in our lives??? Did He MAKE my dear sweet friend lose her twin babies before she ever got to hold them? Did He MAKE several friends of another dear friend suffer and fight cancer SIMULTANEOUSLY (as in, all be stricken with it at about the same time?? and two of them are CHILDREN??) No. none of that stuff is fun. none of it is fair. and the Lord can stop it, or He can allow it. Of course He is capable of creating it, because He is the Lord. But did He create that stuff in those people? Well, I just don't know that I believe that. I'm not the end all be all here, but I just don't buy that. But what I do buy is the fact that THROUGH IT ALL, He will take those people affected by those situations and use those situations that are terribly unkind to BE OUR GOD. He is our God. So, whatever you are going through-- WHY?? WHY has God brought you to that, through that??? He wants to be your Lord. He wants to carry you past it and better you from it and love you through the hurt. I know, because he's done it for me. And I am so thankful for that. Even if I did have to read a bunch of laws and ceremonial stuff and genealogies to get to the heart of the message.

dismemberment {ooook, not really}

2012-01-07T12:08:00.000-06:00

Today was my first "long" run in our half marathon training. 4 miles. The training schedule operates on a run/walk rotation....so I didn't have to run the WHOLE 4 miles...good thing because at about 3.25 miles my legs literally felt like there were going to kick themselves off my body and just lay down on the sidewalk in exhaustion. So I walked more than I ran the last .75 miles, but I ran as much as my long legs would cooperate. I didn't finish in the time I wanted, but I was still pretty close for having to walk at least half of the last .75 miles.

Then I came home and stretched for a good long time because I'm pretty sure if I hadn't, my legs would have started a revolution against me.

And now I'm going to blog about Jesus.

So...then I read today's portion of the 90 day Bible reading plan. Seriously, y'all...seeeeriously-- sometimes I read stuff and I wonder why some stuff had to be written out twice. I finished Exodus today, and yesterday I read all about all the requirements for the building of the Ark of the Covenant, the Tabernacle, the priest's clothing, etc....some serious details, people. So today I get to the part where the Tabernacle, etc are actually being built. And instead of just saying, "and the people built the tabernacle exactly as God had commanded"...it goes ALL through the details. again. I mean, I'm thinking, "did I read this already? did i? I think I did??? What? OH. They are building it now, so we must need to reiterate exactly what they did." That's fine, no big deal, now I get to start Leviticus!!! :) But anyway, back to Exodus. So of course the first part of Exodus is cool with Moses telling God about 10 times that he can't speak to the people and seeming kind of winey and then God says "ok. aaron can talk for you"-- props to God on that one, because I think I'd have lost it with the "I can't. send someone else" stuff. Then there's some more coolness with all the plague, redemption from slavery, the sea swallowing Pharaoh's army, the Ten Commandments, the Israelites having the golden calf made (and Moses grinding it into dust and making them DRINK it. rock on, Moses)...plus when God is going over all the laws...and this probably isn't supposed to be funny, but I was grateful it was in there because it gave me a good chuckle...God says, "do not go up to my altar on steps, or your private parts may be exposed." well, I'd for sure not go up to the altar on steps then, because, really...who wants their private parts exposed???? aaaaa! but then all the details about the tabernacle...gollllllly it's tough to read. Some serious directions, there, God. And totally understandable--- God is holy, his house of worship is to be holy, so there were specifications...and it's pretty legit that He himself spoke the details as to what was to be constructed. But the whole time I read that, I'm thinking, "HOW the heck are they gonna accomplish this? How are they even going to remember? Is it okay if it's just "sorta" right? What if they mess up? It's just too much to remember!!!" I mean, I'm just thankful God wrote the 10 commandments on the tablets for Moses, because those alone would've been tough to remember after only hearing once! So...then God makes it clear that he has already appointed those who are to help with the construction of the tabernacle, and he has already prepared them to build it to his specifications, as well as to teach others how to help do so. WHEW~! I mean, what was I thinking? Of COURSE He's gonna take care of that. I'm way to OCD to have been Moses.

Anyway, I think it's cool that through all of those....rules....God knew what he was doing, and made preparations for it. And his people didn't just depend on someone else to get the job done-- when it came time to build the tabernacle, those he'd appointed, helped to build it, and all of the people who were able gave offerings of supplies-- all the things the tabernacle was to be made of, the people donated if they had it, and the women even wove some of the linen and yarn. They banded together, so much so that Moses had to tell the people to stop offering supplies because they had MORE than enough to build the temple. And when it was all said and done, it was all exactly as God had commanded. They worked together, according to the Lord's calling on their lives, they gave of themselves, and it was hard work, and there were specifications...but they did it....and I'm betting it wasn't always fun (and the Israelites did their fair share of grumbling after being saved from slavery, so I'm guessing that probably some of them were tired and grouchy from working, but maybe not). But anyway, it was a community affair- they didn't depend on someone else to do their work for them, God readied them to do it, so they did it.

So. along those lines, or totally not, I have felt, and have felt from others, a sense of unrest in the hearts of many believers. Not that Christ isn't enough,but that we aren't. Meaning, what's different about us? Did you know that if your income is $35K, you are in the top 4% for wealth in the world...$50K, you're in the top 1%? Seriously! Over half of the world survives on $2 a day. (thank you to Jen Hatmaker's book "7" for those stats....it's totally worth the read, and I'm not even halfway finished with it yet. you can find it on amazon.com-- paperback or e-reader version). We have houses and cars and oodles of clothes and food and whatevers, and we all want more. Or maybe we don't want more, but we feel like we don't have enough...or we buy more anyway...or we "need" this...or this is 'old' or out of style or whatever. I'm not pointing a finger at you-- dude, I've seen my closet. And my pantry. So you can point a finger at me, if you want-- it'd be justified. But even living in what we see as middle class, we are wealthy in the world's eyes. Maybe not in gluttonous American eyes, but in the world's, we are! But what are we doing about it!?!?! Can we live on less? Yes. Will we? I hope so. What are some small things we can do to change the world? Big things? What can we do? Because most assuredly, we should do something. There are people dying every day due to starvation. Children going to bed hungry, with no parents to love them. Dirty water that is spreading disease amongst communities in many many other countries. LITERALLY dying. Of course, it is our job to also bring Jesus to these people-- but along with living water, how about actual water? I just don't think it would be okay with Jesus for us to say, "Hey. Jesus saves. I'm praying for you." and then walk away and hope those people get some clean water, or vaccines, or PARENTS. WE HAVE THE POWER TO DO SOMETHING. It is time for us-- ME-- to step up and make a difference. Because living the "American Dream" has to be so overrated. Because you can feed someone for a whole day for less than the cost of a drink at Starbucks. Because for what some people spend on car payments and mortgages in one month could provide clean water to a community FOREVER. Because Jesus loved the orphans, the widows, the diseased, the poor-- not in word, but in DEED. And I want to be like Jesus. BE like him, not just "do stuff" that makes me look like I love him- going to church, saying the right things, avoiding certain things, etc etc...because I think anyone who grew up in church and has felt this unrest can shout with me that THAT is not IT. It isn't. praying a prayer or saying a phrase or whatever isn't IT. Jesus came to CHANGE us, and if we are only changed in what we say and in legalistic ways, what the heck is that? Jesus changed us, Jesus redeemed us, and he loved the unlovable. He WENT. He DID. He LOVED. He DIED for the least of these (and that's US, too, people! We aren't good enough! His GRACE is.) It is time to start sacrificing what we might not see as luxuries, but what really are...and using that time or money or whatever to put legs on the faith we say we have. Because I want to be like Jesus. And the WORLD needs to see that in us-- the lost, the dying, the starving, they need to see Jesus with skin on, and it's time we step up and become that.

I love it. love love love it. I'm so excited I'd run another 4 miles if I had any legs other than these jello ones to stand on for the rest of the day.

Peace to you on this beautiful, beautiful day!!!

well hey....this keyboard is dirty. and other {more sentimental} sentiments.

2012-01-04T15:05:00.000-06:00

Seriously, I've gotta be one of the worst bloggers EVER! But, in all honesty, I've said all I need to say over the last several weeks, and it is just now that I have anything else I'm wanting to get written down.

First some updates and what we're up to, etc. (forgive me if any of this is repeat information, I don't always remember what I share where, socially speaking).

Christmas: We had a good Christmas; we spent some time at home, some time with family, and some time doing things as a family-- volunteering at the City Rescue Mission (we will be doing this 2-4 times each month from here on out, as we are able), visiting the OKC Museum of Art, eating downtown at Coney Island, watching movies together at home....we had a good break. We were all surprised (well, maybe not BDawg...okay, definitely not him, but the other 3 of us were) when this was in our living room Christmas morning:

Sawyer deemed his name "Thunder," so that is what we're calling him. Isn't he the cutest???

Here we are on Christmas morning:

Okay. so there's that.

BDawg just started back to work today, so that means S and I started up some new Kindergarten learnin'. Today was slow-goin, because of a couple of things-- well, actually 3. 1) It was the first day back...so naturally, it took 12 times longer to do everything. 2) we have a dog that needs tending to, now...because we want him to think he's a person, not a dog, so we try to include him in a lot of things....so today, he mastered writing his name, complete with correct pencil position. I know, you're impressed. 3) Ridge is just getting over some sickies.

Let's just segue from 3 to here, stating the already stated obvious. Ridge.got.sick. Now, I'm still going to be the best defensive player ever in that arena, because I don't want him to ever get sick. BUT, ladies and germs, you need to hear this-- The boy got sick. Sawyer had some sort of sore throat with low grade fever the other day. Fearing strep like I fear alien invasion (or not), he was promptly taken to the after hours clinic, where strep was DENIED, but abx were prescribed anyway, just to be safe, because his ears were red. So he was better, like, within less than a day--in fact, he told me he got better because he ate some TGIFridays loaded potato skins chips or something. Good job, kid. So that was last Thursday. I didn't think we had anything to worry about when no one else had the sore throat demon Friday...or Saturday....or Sunday....or Monday. But lo and behold, on Tuesday, Ridge had fever. Like...102. Which meant, a year ago, we had to pack our junk and hit the road to Children's Hospital, "just in case" his line was infected. No line=no rush trips to the hossy (hospital). Sooooo...we had to decide what to do. He probably didn't need abx, since they didn't really apply to Sawyer's sore throat anyway. So we decided-- tylenol, and wait. So we did. And today? My normal ridge was back! no fever or anything (good thing we went and spent $50 on new thermometers last night). Best news: he didn't bleed AT ALL from being sick/the fever/etc! Seriously! If we make it through January with no more hospital, then we've made it a YEAR without being there for anything other than checkups/removal of his line! We have gone with no transfusions for six months. Really...let's do a cartwheel. I'll sit here and wait for you, because I don't know how to do one.

Okay. so there are some updates. Here's what Christmas and the New Year are bringing to me...
1) Reading. Lots of it. I've read Heaven is For Real, The Hunger Games (book 1 only, so far), and most of The Glass Castle in the past 2 weeks. Part of that is due to the cool Kindle Touch my parents gifted me for Christmas. My largest reading feat is a Bible Reading plan-- read the Bible in 90 days (interested? Check out Youversion.com). I'm totally stoked about this, and I'm only 4 days in, but I haven't missed a day yet. I know when I get to all the law and genealogies, it's gonna be brutal...but that isn't THAT much of the Bible. I just finished Genesis...and it was neat to read such big chunks at a time to really feel for the stories more than previously-- to be honest, I've never intentionally read the entire Bible-- I may have read most of it in passing over the past 30 years (oh yeah, I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago. yep. here i am, all wrinkly and old). So anyway, check it:
Joseph takes his sons to Jacob's bedside at Jacob's deathbed....and Jacob, their grandfather, who hasn't really ever even met them because Joseph's been in Egypt ruling stuff...places his hands on the foreheads of the young men (Joseph's sons) and says: "May the God before whom my fathers Abraham and Isaac walked faithfully, the God who has been my shepherd all my life to this day,
the Angel who has delivered me from all harm —may he bless these boys.
May they be called by my name and the names of my fathers Abraham and Isaac, and may they increase greatly on the earth.”

Love.It. Super old man Jacob and young men Ephraim and Manasseh...and that blessing-- that God, who has been Jacob's shepherd all of his life....may that God bless those boys.

That's a good blessing from a grandpa.

2)Running. no, I'm not kidding-- so those of you who KNOW me, can pick your jaw up off the floor, or stifle your laughter, which is totally warranted, bc I look like a fool, I promise. I'm hitting the pavement 3x a week training (along with some other friends in other states! get it, girls!) for a half marathon due in Dallas in October. While it'd be expected for me to say it's because I want to get fit or lose weight or whatever, that wasn't my motivation- if it were, I'd have done this well before 2012, people. Here's what's extra awesome about this race-- it benefits World Vision (you know, the organization we bought the goats and ducks through at Christmas time)-- the money raised for the marathon benefits building clean water wells in Africa. Now, that's totally something worth running for! I'm horrible so far, but I've managed almost 5 miles this week, which is a big ol deal for this lazy bones. More to come about this in the future.

3) cleaner floors. partly because we have a puppy. partly because dirty floors drive me insane. but mostly because for my birthday, my momma gave me this sucker-- which disinfects your floors using only steam. I bet I use it at least 4 times a week. It.Is.Awesome.

And...that's about all we have to update over here. Here's to hoping I'm sitting at this filthy keyboard (which I'm about to clean) more this year-- at least in the bloggy sense!

For you!

2011-12-07T13:07:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas! May the truth of this season and the peace of the baby King envelope your soul, amidst the hustle and bustle all around.

We didn't send a ton of Christmas cards this year, so if you didn't get one, here's yours-- much love to you all!

such a strange way...

2011-12-05T11:12:00.000-06:00

No updates here, no wit to be shared, probably nothing too funny-- just some thoughts today. So if that's not up your alley, feel free to stroll along somewhere else... but in the abundance of free time we all have, if you'd like to just read some thoughts...this is the place, perhaps, for you.

I have an issue with Christmas. I wanted to type "I hate Christmas"...but I won't, because that just sounds crass. But I do have issue with Christmas-- it becomes overwhelming-- and not just for me, I hear it from friends and family, even when/if they don't know they are saying it. The "responsibility" of making sure everyone has a gift, and spending "x" amount, etc etc...It just becomes nauseating. From a gift giving standpoint, I think we should always try to give something personal- I don't mean handmade/homemade, although I LOVE giving gifts like that-- because you can put love into and the person knows you thought specifically of them when you made it, even if the item isn't something they "asked' for...but I mean even store-bought gifts...it's easy to just grab something off the shelf and check that person off your list...but where's the fun in THAT? I think gifts should be personal-- even those from the mall. If you know someone loves this book, or this artist, or this color, or whatever...that's the way we should shop....not just via checklist for each person "Oh i found this for sally, and this for joe, and this for that lady I don't even know but I have to go to her Christmas party..." Sickening. I even said last night to my husband, "I'd rather get so and so NOTHING for Christmas than just get them something random that I don't even know if they'll like." Scrooge, I know. Anyway, it just becomes stressful. And let's face it, with two young kiddos, life is stressful enough. I don't need that extra garbage. None of us do. Don't worry, close friends, family...you won't be getting lumps of coal from the Carys this year...we took care of you...but we tried to make sure we got you something you'd love, or we know you'd use, or we know you'll appreciate, or something you could use but might not ever buy yourself. All of that being said, that isn't even the point of my post. But I will sum that part of it up with-- I love giving gifts. I love it. I love making something for someone I love, and wrapping it, and giving it-- I always hope they like it, but that isn't even the part I love most-- I like the giving of it...I want the gift to bring them joy, but just being able to give something as a way of letting that person know that we love them, I LOVE that. Love it. With that disclaimer offered, I move on...

Knowing that I have nothing against gift giving in general (or receiving, for that matter), I hope you can read the rest of this without thinking me a Scrooge.

What if we didn't buy gifts? Or at least didn't buy as many gifts? I mean, I like getting gifts, but I wouldn't be sad if someone did NOT get me a gift. Especially if they did something else with that money. What if we took the money we spent on Christmas gifts every year, and not saved it for ourselves or a future purchase or whatever, but we spent it elsewhere, on a need-- like water, food, vaccinations, clothing, housing for destitute nations and communities? Obviously, I'm not the genius behind this thought process; I'm often too selfish to even think like this. But to me, that is just so much more....lasting. I'm spending the money ANYWAY, why not do something for someone in NEED? We scaled back this year and did some of that, but truly, at least within our own family of four, I think I would love to scale back even more and more as the years go on. Because the joy is in the giving- whether I'm giving to my kids, my mom, my sister in law, whoever-- that's joyful to me. And I want to TEACH my kids that-- I'm not saying they should receive nothing, I'm just saying maybe receiving only one thing isn't ridiculous. They're getting gifts from other family members anyway, just like we love giving gifts to our other family members. Why not??

We live in such a "more is more" culture...and as I told a friend even just today, some days, I'd like to just be Amish. Seriously. Full out Amish. I know it's difficult work (not from experience, obviously), and I know most of our luxuries would be non-existent...but I really do think sometimes life would be richer if it were simpler. Honestly.

Consider this: ' The underdeveloped societies suffer from one set of diseases: tuberculosis, malnutrition, pneumonia, parasites, typhoid, cholera, typhus, etc. Affluent America has virtually invented a whole new set of diseases: obesity, arteriosclerosis, heart disease, stroke, lung cancer, venereal disease, cirrhosis of the liver, drug addiction, alcoholism....In saving ourselves we have nearly lost ourselves.'--Ralph Winter quote, taken from excerpt in Advent Conspiracy by Rick McKinley, Chris Sea, Greg Holder

wowza. Just some thoughts.

Along similar lines, in the true spirit of Christmas, I was thinking on something I read today. I just began reading through the Youversion reading plan http://www.youversion.com/reading-plans/rediscovering-the-christmas-season/settings "Rediscovering the Christmas Season" this month. I started a few days late in the reading plan, but I'm glad I started it-- day one is awesome. Luke 2:21-40 is good stuff. This is what I thought about, amongst other things, while/after reading it...

Jesus was born, a baby in this world. When he was taken to the temple to be presented to the Lord, Simeon held him and said to the Lord "...my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people..." He also told Mary, "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too." I imagine so...as a mother, how much anguish Mary must have endured as Jesus grew up and was crucified. The passage goes on to note Anna, a widow after only 7 years of marriage, at this point 84 yrs old and living in the temple, worshiping day and night. She came up Simeon, Mary, and Joseph and thanked God and "spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jersualem."

Imagine. This baby has been born, only a few days prior. And sure, some people probably just thought he was a regular ol' baby. But some people knew. The ones who had heard the good news that the Savior had been born....The one who would redeem them from their sins, the one who would be their Salvation...some of them got to see him-- in the form of this little tiny baby, destined for greatness. Imagine! Of course we all know that children will grow up to do...things. Hopefully great things. We see our kids and we know that one day they will be something, maybe even something incredible! But with Jesus, they KNEW. He.was.the.Messiah. Imaaaaaagine. For me, it is somewhat breathtaking. Simeon holds this baby, and he knows. He is holding what has been promised for so long! God has sent the Savior to the world...Simeon knows Jesus will be persecuted, and in His pain, his mother will also have great anguish. Anna, who has lived 84 years to that point-- by our standards, elderly-- sets her old eyes on the Messiah. In baby form. And she knows. She is seeing in the flesh what God has promised...our Deliverer.

I can't fathom how awesome that must have been. So I will leave you with that.

...."for my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people,"

Way to go, God.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

beep beep, beep beep, the horn went beep beep beep. Or not.

2011-12-02T18:57:00.000-06:00

and also the most busy. of course, around here, it seems it's ALWAYS busy, December or not. we scaled back on gifts this year, and we are letting the boys pick something through World Vision to "send" to a family in need (right now they are leaning towards a goat and 2 ducks). I am working on getting Christmas gifts made for family/friends....and catching up on some crafty orders from some patient customers who have had to wait on my slow, but busy, self for a loooong time.

i keep thinking of all sorts of things to post about. serious things, pensive things, funny things...but i just never have time to sit down here and write them down. which i miss, because i love this blog...it's a place to just sit and write and if people read it, great, and if not, well, i still wrote it all out anyway, and it was good for my spirit.

so a quick update: sawyer is learning to skip count (by 2s). He picked up on it quickly, and later that night showed off by skip counting by 3s and 4s, neither of which had been taught to him. Math in his genes? I don't even know if that's possible, but this nerd mom is happy as a lark about that incident.

Ridge is talking up a storm. He has mastered some sounds he couldn't say even a week ago. It is incredible to watch him go! He's silly, throws fits, wants his way all the time, gets spankins, cries, always wants to eat, and is a smarty pants. Last night, instead of saying 'night night momma' or something like that, he said 'g'ni, boss' *goodnight, boss*.... what a stinker. of course i thought it funny enough i asked him to say it several more times.
Ridge hasn't had a transfusion in just over 5 months. We haven't been hospitalized in about 10 months. We have weaned his medication down so much that he is now taking in the course of a day about what he used to take (as in just a few months ago) in one dose. 4.5 mls all day long of his med, whereas he used to take 4 mls 4x a day, which equals (i love math) 16 mls in the course of a day. it's fantastically frightening. :)

so I turn 30 in a few days. okay a few weeks, but may as well be a few days. I'm not afraid of it or anything, it's just so....not in my 20s anymore. so, not specific to turning 30, but in general, i like to think back on life experiences. i haven't led an extraordinary life. nothing super exciting has happened to me. but i do have some funny life stories. i don't always remember them all, but there are days that i remember something i haven't thought of in years. like the other day when i was driving home from the grocery store (where i had just scored some super cheap coupon deals...as in like 85% off the regular price after sales and coupons...i'm a nerd.)

ANYWAY, i was thinking, because someone pulled out of a parking lot a little prematurely-- not dangerously, but i would've waited on traffic to have passed if it were me driving that vehicle...anyway, i thought, "buddy. you should've waited on me to pass...if i wasn't so cautious, i might have not seen you and just rammed my car right into you." and i thought, "if i'd done that, someone would've honked at me." so then i got to thinking about people honking their horns. car horns are sort of....luxurious. i mean, obviously they are there for safety reasons, and for sure if there were a kid, a dog, a jogger, a turtle, in danger, i'd honk to get those living beings out of the way. and i get that if someone cuts you off, because you have been endangered, not because you are road-rageous, you could honk your horn. not that it really would do anything to honk, i mean the incident has already happened, right? So anyway, i can't think of a ton of instances that a horn is a necessity, thus, in some ways, it is luxurious. (i'm not depreciating the value of safety/a car horn...so no one need get uptight about that)...

ANYWAY, this got me thinking about my high school car and a funny funnnny story.

I drove an awesome car in HS. It was exactly what I wanted. It was...
a...
1974 VW Superbeetle....yellow. Not much unlike this one (albeit somewhat less shiny...and my sister I doubt loved me for this car choice, because my passion for this vehicle allowed me to obtain it...but she ended up having to drive it in HS when I was away at college...sorry, sister):

Now. The car wasn't in mint condition or anything. And I was 16 and stupid so I had pictures all over the inside, a hula dancer glued to the dash...all sorts of crap. It didn't have air conditioning, it was a stick shift, the heater was mediocre at best, there was no power steering...it was glorious. No really, i still to this day, miss that car. And I'd gladly take one for Christmas if anyone's offering.

As a side gig to babysitting after school, I also picked up a brother/sister from their respective schools, and took them to their house. One was in middle school, just up the road from the high school. The other was in grade school, probably 1st grade or so.

One day, as it was beginning to warm up towards summer/end of the school year....I got in my car to go pick up these kiddos. When I got in and fired up the bug, my car horn just randomly starts honking. I don't mean a little "beep" "beep"....I'm talking incessant. Like this:

So what am I supposed to do? Well, I did what anyone would do. I started hitting the steering wheel to try to silence the beast. That makes sense, right? Yeah, it doesn't....but I did that anyway. Eventually it stopped. Or so I thought. So I began driving the brief (I mean, literally, as in a block) drive to the middle school. Where....the horn began honking again....and I waved at the sweet girl I was picking up...I'm sure it just looked like I was in a hurry honking the horn (or like I was a total JERK)... but I'm also sure people figured out THAT wasn't the case when I just kept a honkin' as I drove off. How. Embarassing. for us all. So I head to the elementary school. Where I am greeted by a brigade of mothers and their vehicles, picking up their children (the mothers' children, not the vehicles'). There are school buses. And there are what seemed like hundreds of small children. And some teachers. All, it seemed, staring at the lady in the yellow car that just will NOT stop honking. I'm telling you, literally, non stop Janice laugh honking. I wish I could remember what that cutie patootie little boy said to me when he got in my car, but I can't. I know I remember laughing, so it was funny. And if my aging memory serves me correctly, fairly soon after we got off the elementary school's campus, the horn stopped honking. Impeccable timing, I tell ya. And I don't recall that EVER happening again to my vehicle. It may have. But not on that high of a mortification level.

Nevertheless, I'd take that cold in the winter, hot in the summer, no power anything, dust magnet in and out, smells like gasoline, hula girl on the dash, vw back any day.

That's not the only funny story I have about that car. Off the top of my head I've got at least two more just as good, to me, as that one.

Memories.....

If I don't see you before, although I hope I do, Merry Christmas!

leftover stew

2011-11-08T09:20:00.000-06:00

So I've heard of people who make this "leftover stew" from the ingredients they find leftover in their fridge. The idea is incredibly unappealing to me, so don't worry- I'm not about to share a recipe or anything like that....But it has been so long since I have blogged, I feel like that is probably the direction this post will take-- a bunch of leftovers, all thrown together.

First, the cuteness. Brace yourselves.

For Halloween, we loaded up a couple of lumberjacks and headed to Storybook Forest over at Lake Arcadia...we went on a Saturday evening, because I had to work on Halloween night. Ridge wasn't too much a fan of the beard on his hat, but dang my kids looked cute. I mean, if I do say so myself.

So let's do a little up date on each of our lumberjacks:
Lumberjack 1, Tall and Lean-- whose jeans are all highwaters and crack busters because of his giant long legs....wonder where he gets THAT (if you don't know me well enough to have seen me in person...I measure in at just under 6 feet tall). My eldest child has been learning about Thanksgiving here at home while we do school..I've learned so much about it myself that I didn't know before! Mr. Tall and Lean lumberjack blows me out of the water on Scripture memory, as well....it's insane how "spongey" kids are. In fact, our church is starting a conversational Spanish class, and Sawyer and I are going to take it together...He'll probably learn it all way faster than I will, but that's okay with me. He is also really good at math (ahem...). He loves science (right now we are doing a lot of hands on things like sink/float, rough/smooth, etc...and will be making some slimey gak tomorrow. I'm really excited about THAT. Actually, I think it will be fun; I'm kind of a neat freak, so sometimes my endeavors at science experiments end up stressing me out because the kitchen is covered in...whatever. Ick. Anyway...and this child can read. Sometimes he figures things out I wouldn't think he'd know yet...things I haven't taught him (like that "ph" says "f"-- we'll get there this year, but he's already figured it out on his own)...and forget spelling things so that the kids won't know what I'm saying...The five year old gets it every time. Ridiculous! He's awesome. And this week he's been using some incredibly good manners and respect, so that always makes the week go by better! In fact, the other day, he walked in the kitchen and said, "excuse me ma'am...wherrrre is your husssss-band??? i need to ask him a quesssstion." ha ha haaaa. tooooo funny, that kid.

Lumberjack 2, Short and Stout (although thinning out)-- Now this kid....the dude looks just like his dad. And inherited all of his orneriness as well. He is really talking up a storm now, and it's funny that when he doesn't know a word, he still knows how to communicate.....For example: If he wants to eat, he doesn't say anything about it. He just walks up to you, opens his mouth, shoves his hand towards his mouth and makes some devouring sound. It's funny. every time. When he wants to go somewhere, in the car, he will say "GO!" and then move his hands like they are on a steering wheel and go "brrrrrrrrr" and make some car sound. Super cute, for sure. He mispronounces some things. Like his brother's name. Brother is simply called "goggers"-- and unfortunately for Goggers, it's starting to stick. And it's so funny. My squatty little 2 year old has gone 4 and a half months without a blood transfusion. We have not been hospitalized since January of this year. He still remembers having his central line because we talked about it the other day and he reenacted getting a dressing change...poor kid. He's been doing splendidly. We stepped out in faith Monday and got him a flu shot...which is a big deal since vaccines have caused him to bleed in the past. 24 hours later, we still have not seen any bleeding signs...but I'm still waiting for him to drop off the evidence today, if you will (I know, gross. But such is my life with this one).

Speaking of flu shots...some little known info for you if you like to keep the sickies away (which, obviously, I like to do)-- I'm not really pro-vaccinating, and I'm not really anti- vaccinating either. I'm pro-knowing what you are doing and is it the best for your kid. For us, vaccines weren't the way to go with Ridge. We will probably catch up on some of them if he continues to do well...we will probably completely not catch up on some of the ones we've missed, because I don't believe they are all as relevant to his health now as they would've been when he was under 2 years of age. So anyway, to keep the flu at bay, we did go ahead and try for the flu shot this year; the rest of us get it or the mist yearly anyway. So that's done. I'm an avid hand washer and hand sanitizer, and I usually clean off the tables at restaurants with a clorox wipe (yes, for real. And yes, the wait staff has told us before "we've cleaned that" and I've said, "Well...I'm going to clean it again." Such is my life. It's okay.) But June-winter bring about some atrocities known as gastroenteritis...or stomach bugs. They are one of the banes of my existence. I hate being throw up sick, and I don't even want to imagine how it would ravage Ridge's belly. And those bugs are really catching...so they are difficult to avoid. So here are some things to know-- alcohol based sanitizers usually won't kill them on your hands (most alcohol sanitizers are 62% ethyl alcohol and that isn't strong enough for stomach bugs...for strep and the flu and other germies, sure...but not the tummy viruses). So whatcha gonna do? A couple options: This one, which you can get online, and I love because it lasts through 10 handwashings or up to 24 hours, and is safe for kids to use, lasts forever...I even have my kids put some around their noses and mouths, because that's where sicko germs enter (I know, I'm a freak. You don't have to tell me...you can think it, but just keep it to yourself, I announced it for you right here). Anyway, this one:
http://prefense.bigcartel.com/

Or this one, which you can buy at WalMart, grocery stores, and which are buy one get one half price right now at Walgreen's. There was also a coupon for $1 off in this week's paper. This one is a lotion, and our pediatrician has it in her office. Obviously, it won't stay on your hands for 24 hours, it's just like normal hand sanitizer, only a lotion...and kills stomach viruses.
http://www.google.com/products/catalog?hl=en&sugexp=ppwl&cp=11&gs_id=1u&xhr=t&q=gold+bond+hand+sanitizer&tok=bRYyt4LOL_DoaV9KLjlP3w&gs_upl=&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.,cf.osb&biw=1680&bih=916&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=5122802507542871227&sa=X&ei=FUC5TvbaGu2CsgLx0I2iCA&sqi=2&ved=0CH8Q8wIwAA
The difference in these two are their active ingredients...Wet Ones brand wipes also contain the active ingredient to kill stomach viruses. Just an FYI to all of you who want to avoid the pukies.

In addition, clorox and lysol wipes do not kill those tummy bugs....it is recommended you clean surfaces with lysol spray or bleach/water mixture....which means if a tummy bug comes through your house or classroom or sunday school classroom or whatever, those would be the most effective ways to clean up the residual germs, which have been shown to remain living on surfaces from one to three WEEKS. for reals.

So enough of that-- keep your hands clean with the proper stuff....and don't touch your nose/mouth and you should be well on your way to staying well. Unless you kiss a sick person. And I can't help you with that one.

As for the one I kiss, he's been spending as much time deer hunting as he can (which still isn't as much time as he'd like). So far, no deer. Of course he wants to get a big deer, and so do I, because that's pretty much free meat. And if you've read this blog for long, you've learned I'm all about frugality.

As for me, I'm still teaching night classes 3x a week and really like it. I have a different schedule next semester, where I will still be able to teach 3 classes, but no longer teach on Saturdays (hooray!). I'm still tutoring some as time allows, and I'm sewing and crocheting (they should really have spelled that word differently. really) in every spare moment, trying to get caught up on requests from customers...so that I can get to work on Christmas gifts for family/friends. I've been making a lot of the beards/beard hats like the boys wore for Halloween...Santa beard hats, beards only for kids who want to be like their daddy, James Harden wanna be beard hats for Thunder fans...really, the beard hats are hilarious. Anyway, it is really busy here right now. I tried to paint our kitchen...about 2 months ago. I got like 1/10 of it finished. Fantastic. So 90% of it is green. The other 10% is lookin cute like this:

Maybe one day I'll finish the rest of the kitchen. I bought the paint and everything. Oh well. Homeschooling, night classes, sewing/crafting, keeping up with two crazy kiddos, half painting my kitchen, busy busy life...oh, and I got a tattoo. Yes, I did. It's okay-- I'm the same person inside I was before I had one. So for those of you who don't like it...that's okay, because I do. I got a tree on my wrist with the words "life abundant" underneath, because lately John 10:10 has just been really big to me. I had the artist put a little bird in the tree as well, because my friend was getting the same bird on her wrist that day, in memory of her mom. So here it is, shield your eyes if you don't want to see it.

I've wanted a tattoo for about 15 years. So...I figured the desire wasn't just a fad I'd outgrow. So now I have one. And I like it. Sometimes more with every passing day.

Not much else is going on here-- what's new with you? What were your kids for Halloween? Any good Thanksgiving recipes you want to share? We are actually getting to go to family Thanksgiving this year. What about Christmas? What are your plans? Any stellar gift ideas for your kids/family? I have some cute things up my sleeve for my extended family, I have no idea what I'm getting husband, and my kids aren't getting a lot from us this year because well, frankly, they need nothing, and they will get a lot from friends/family, and we just have chosen not to go overboard in our own house this year. But I am going to make one thing for the kiddos that I'm really excited about. I'll share after it's finished...because there are a couple of other kiddos out there that I'm making one for, as well...so I don't want to give it away before Christmas! :) We are really at a point in our life (we being my husband and I) at wanting to be sure the true meaning of Christmas isn't lost in all the gifts. I do want my kids to get presents...but I just don't want to overwhelm them with that in our house...so we will make sure they feel special, but we intend to also spend the holidays doing things as a family as well as doing things for those in need in our community. I figure that showing my kids needs that we are able to meet for those around us, because of God's provision for us, I will be able to teach them a lesson that has taken me much longer than childhood years to learn. It's difficult to not want to "be like everyone else" and keep up with the Joneses...but we are doing our best to throw that mentality out the window and give our kids opportunities for true joy-- joy in their own hearts by doing something that brings joy to others.

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

I'm sort of getting distracted by Sesame Street in the background...and I figure I've typed enough for awhile...so if I don't "see" you again before Thanksgiving, have a Happy Thanksgiving!

i can't sing. but i do.

2011-10-02T19:29:00.002-05:00

I have a terrible singing voice. Terrible, really. In children's choir, many moons ago, I would always try my best to sing my heart out and be assigned a solo...to no avail. So, while I don't sing solo for any one's ears to hear, I've been known to belt a tune or two when I'm in the car or at home or whatever...and some songs, you can't sing passively, even if you have the worst voice imaginable. I'm talking like Happy Feet quality here-- imagine:
Go ahead and skip to about 1:45 if you are time crunched...(I can't embed the video, it won't let me)
http://youtu.be/e3xDGq8vM9c

So, now that you know how talented my singing voice is, imagine me belting something out. It isn't beautiful to the ears, by any means.

But I've been in love with a song for awhile...so I downloaded the album on itunes...and you have to hear the song (if you haven't already...and let me say this, the entire album is fantastic, so go right ahead....purchase it). But first, you have to read the lyrics....spliced with my commentary/this post.

Yes, I said you have to. I'm bossy. I once read, "I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing." So, yeah.

Your Great Name; Natalie Grant
Lost are saved; find their way; at the sound of Your great name
           Jesus. I mean, really-- we are rescued by Him...We are given direction through Him...
All condemned; feel no shame, at the sound of Your great name
            There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Even those who don't know Him, any lack of worth you feel or condemnation you feel...or whatever...that isn't the way Jesus looks upon us-- that is the way some of us, as humans-- imperfect, calloused, ugly and rude, and even sometimes inhumane, as well as hypocritical-- that is the way some PEOPLE who claim to know Christ treat others who seem to not know Him. But that is NOT how Christ looks upon us. He loves us...OH, how He loves us. Some people, and certainly the devil, would have us think that we are too unloveable or whatever, but we aren't. We aren't worthy of the love of Christ, but He looks upon us with unfathomable love. There is no condemnation for those in Christ. He loves us, each of us, all of us. Without Him, we are all condemned to die, but in Him, we are freely forgiven.
Every fear; has no place; at the sound of Your great name
           Jesus saw what was coming before it got here-- no matter how big the problem, no matter how scary the circumstance, there is no fear in Christ...The name of Jesus can light the darkest of times. I know.
The enemy; he has to leave; at the sound of Your great name
            I think this is my most favorite line of the song. The enemy- he HAS to leave. There is no place for doubts and fears and insecurities in my life, in your life. If we are in Christ, we are victors. The devil has no place and no hold on us, and I will not be submissive to the negative thoughts, behaviors, attitudes he sends my way-- because at the sound of the Name of Jesus, the devil is as weak as Christ is strong.

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name
    Christ is worthy of my praise. He has given more for me than I can ever give back to Him. He is worthy of our praises, and I will write those praises, I will struggle daily to live a life of praise, and I will squawk them out of my sandpaper voice as loud as I can (but I will be polite in doing so around others. I think Christ has a little bit more mercy upon hideous voices than our human ears do. :) )

All the weak; find their strength; at the sound of Your great name
   True. True. I know it. I don't know how in the heck else we would still be standing after the past two years if it weren't for the supernatural strength we were given, and there is no explanation for the ability for us to still be standing, in tact, other than the grace of Jesus.
Hungry souls; receive grace; at the sound of Your great name
       People all over the world are searching, are in need, and Jesus can meet those needs, through His people, and through His grace. Again, I know.
The fatherless; they find their rest; at the sound of Your great name
        This line is difficult for me. It's an easy line to sing over for many of us-- many of us aren't fatherless; my dad is still living, I see him or talk to him regularly. He helped Brandon put a new gate on our back fence recently, and I know if I have a question about that kind of stuff, or about my car, or whatever, I can call him and he can help me figure it out. My kids can sit in his lap and read books with him, they know who he is, and they love him. But some of us are fatherless, maybe in different ways. I think of orphans, or kids in foster care, and how we can be used to show them literal fathers through adoption, and that is totally a way for Christ to become their eternal Father-- we can be the vessel He uses for that. I also think of my husband, and the early loss of his father a few years ago. He had no idea he would find himself in that position so young. It isn't easy, even still. There are days that are difficult. There are days my heart breaks because my incredible father in law will never be a part of our lives on earth again. My husband will not get to hunt with him again, and my boys will not get to hunt with him ever. Sawyer probably won't remember him, and Ridge never even got to meet him. There is no explanation, and there is so much humanity that screams, why??? why did that happen? I won't ever understand. There is no way to fill that absence, but there is a Jesus who loves us through it. We survive, because we have someone to fall to, someone who loves us through it, walks us through it, and gives us strength when we are weak and when we are totally floored by our circumstances. Just saying His name, just calling on Jesus, brings comfort in times like these.
Sick are healed; and the dead are raised; at the sound of Your great name
    I know. My Ridge...he was physically saved and healing is happening in his body. His disease could easily have taken his life-- he has lost so much blood, only to have it poured back into him through transfusions. I can't even believe that we lived through that. I remember telling my mom that I thought living through it would be harder than having him just be immediately better or him even being taken from this earth. I remember feeling totally desperate. I knew things would be okay, but I didn't know HOW- I didn't know if that meant Ridge would be okay, or if it meant we would survive, no matter if Ridge was okay or not. I can't even try to think about what life would be like had Ridge not have survived. Prayers for his healing were going out all over the state and much of the nation. We used to get tons and tons of cards and letters from people we didn't even know, letting us know they were praying for Ridge. And by the power of Christ, Ridge was spared, Ridge is doing fantastically. But not everyone who becomes ill is healed. And I don't think that means people aren't praying for them, I don't understand what it means, and I don't think it's fair. But I don't get to call the shots-- I remember sitting there thinking, more than once, that I would be that mom whose child didn't live....and in the turbulent moment that was, a peace flooded me because Christ wasn't going to leave me, even if that disease took my child. But that disease didn't take my child, and I know it isn't fair that some children live and some children don't, and I will never understand that....it will always disturb me. But I am thankful to Christ that Ridge is still here.
My father in law wasn't healed. No matter how much we prayed and cried for him, he wasn't healed. He was taken, quickly. Within days. But while he died physically, he was raised to new life. He trusted in the great name of Jesus, and I know he is with Christ now.
So. the sick are healed-- either they are left here with us, healed, or they are raised in death if they belong to Christ. And both of those things are only possible by the power of Christ.

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name

Redeemer, My Healer, Lord Almighty
My savior, Defender, You are My King

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name

The song is heavy. The song is beautiful. And the power of the name of Jesus is unmatchable. Here's a listen to the song if you want to hear it. And it's okay if you can't sing as pretty as Natalie Grant. I can't, either. :)

i needed a map!

2011-09-25T17:59:00.002-05:00

So here I sit...taking a break from the sewing machine and other busy-things that are getting the stink eye from me today. You can only stare at something for so long before you just need to get away from it....something so inanimate shouldn't annoy me, but I've spent too much time with that stupid machine lately, and she is starting to wear on my nerves. So she gets a break. And I get some iced coffee.

My kitchen bar is covered in coupons...and a Homeland ad. I fought hard for that ad....get this-- I subscribe to the paper here...on Sundays and Wednesdays. Before we were paying subscribers, we freely received a little bundle each Tuesday with some classifieds, TV show scheduling, and the weekly grocery ads. This was convenient, because it was free. It was convenient because the sales for our store start on Wednesday...so getting the ad on Tuesday meant I could decide what I wanted to buy the day before I went to the store (yes, there are blogs like this wonderful one that match all of that stuff up for you...but I'm too type A or something and have to always check the ads myself as well). But getting the paper twice a week means I don't have to get up or have my husband get up super early Sunday AM to go purchase a paper so I can clip the coupons. The nice delivery people just make sure there is a newspaper in our yard on Sundays and Wednesdays. But once I started paying for said papers, the free packet no longer arrived. Which meant I couldn't see the grocery ads until Wednesday morning, but by the time the paper gets here, I've already been to the grocery store. That just wasn't going to work for me. So....I requested the free packet anyway. On the phone, I was told that can't happen. Via email I received no response. So just to be safe, I also emailed our grocery store and asked if they would just mail me an ad. Lo and behold, this past Tuesday, I had the free packet thingamabob in my driveway, just like it used to always be. I also received a Homeland ad in the snail mail on Saturday (which is super early considering new sales start Wednesday.) Sometimes, it pays to say something...I mean, really, I could get the packet (which most people just throw away...) for FREE before, no problem, but now that I am PAYING, I had to beg to get one of those? Really? that makes zero sense to me. Sigh...I got what I needed, anyway, even if it took a few calls/emails to make it happen.

So. aside from that...I am bracing myself to get up and clean up that mess on the bar, and plan this week's school activities for the eldest child in this house, and grade some tests from my other teaching gig....

But Friday...last Friday...two days ago....here's what I was doing--

wake up.
get ready.
get children ready.
eat breakfast.
start eldest child on math and writing assignments...read a book or two after that...practice our memory verses...review the four seasons we learned about this week...count to 20 in spanish....
in between all of those things, fold laundry, change poopy diaper, clean up dishes, pack diaper bag, try not to go insane...
load children in car. begin driving. to somewhere i used to be able to locate as easily as I can locate my own home. only this time, it was different. because i hadn't been there in about 6 months.
drive drive drive, until i could see the downtown part of the city....then think, "oh crap. i don't remember which exit to take."
turn on GPS...quickly look through "recent found places" only to find what I'm looking for isn't stored there. because I haven't been there 'recently'.
finally locate on the GPS where I need to go, but by then most of it's coming back to me. but it took awhile. it was probably something like riding a bike, but not as fun.
take my exit (which is all jacked up because seriously, there is so much construction going on right now....which really inconveniences me when I am driving home from teaching at night....it's late, and i just want to go home, and i can't even get on I40 to get home...sometimes. i know, not the biggest issue in the world, but I'm allowed to find it a mild inconvenience....because that's what it is. nothing more. nothing freakout worthy. but annoying.)
arrive at parking garage of said destination....and even this feels foreign. in my brain i'm thinking "dont' forget to stop so they can give you a parking decal thing." then i remember to myself, "oh no, you don't do that here, you just push that button and the ticket prints out." so I do that. and i pull to the back of the garage where we 'always park' except that we don't. because we don't go there anymore. and it isn't until i see there are no spots back there that i realize the garage is all different. even different than it was six months ago when it was already 'different' and being reconstructed. it's changed again. and i had driven into our area of the garage, going the completely wrong direction. thankfully, no one was coming the RIGHT direction to hit me head on.
so i back out, find another spot, and head in, both children in tow.
we head towards the elevators. no one stops to say hi and ask how we are doing, bc no one recognizes us. this isn't normal. except, it is.
we get on the elevator, and i don't even think about the fact i'm not holding ridge, like i 'usually' do when we are here. he's just standing beside me, holding my hand, while we go up/stop/let someone else on/go up/stop/etc....everytime we stop he gets this weird look on his face, and i think 'how does this seem so weird to him? we've been on an elevator hundreds of times in his life.' only, he hasn't. not really. he HAS been in one, with ME, hundreds of times. but he hasn't been in one, WELL, and standing beside me. and the stop start that gets some of our stomachs turning was getting him. and scaring him, just enough that i could see it on his face. and i was thankful. thankful that he didn't know what that feeling was. thankful that he didn't remember. thankful that when we finally stepped off the elevator and walked towards the clinic, because by now you have surely figured out we were going to the hospital, he didn't know anyone sitting at the desk, not because they didn't know him (although one of them was new and I'd never met her before, so of course she didn't know us either), but because he didn't remember them. he and the eldest child found a seat and started watching Cars on the Disney Channel...when our name was called, in typical child fashion, as soon as we got to the room for him to be weighed, he begins crying hysterically, even though the nurse was one very familiar with us. he didn't know her. he didn't remember her. and glory be, that boy cried and cried in fear of the doctor's office. because he doesn't go there all the time. because he isn't comfortable there. because it isn't NORMAL. and i let him cry and cry and i smiled the whole time. Because THAT is okay. THAT is normal. I wish he felt comfortable there only because I don't want him to be afraid, not because I want to be regulars there. So if he freaks out a little because the nurse wants him to lay down so she can measure his length (height and weight both on track, by the way)...then I will praise Jesus for that because THAT is normal. and we don't HAVE to be normal. But I am thankful that my feisty, fit throwing toddler showed up that day in the clinic office, not my passive, trusting, thinks living in the hospital is normal, baby. I love him no mater who he is or where he is, but Friday...we were normal.

....And in fact, sidenote, I cried in the parking garage, not because I was sad to be there. I cried because I was so unbelievably grateful that we do NOT have to be there anymore.

When the nurse took us to the patient room to wait on the doctor, Ridge cried some more until she said, "i'm leaving! i'm leaving!" and as soon as she was gone, he was happy. And as we waited, I wondered if we would have much cooperation out of Ridge once the doctor arrived...we were just there for a checkup (which is pretty much just verbal/checklist stuff), but there is some minor physical contact between dr/patient...and i wasn't sure how the feisty 2 year old would handle it. I mean, granted, this is the doctor who has seen Ridge through it all, counseled us with sound advice and listened willingly to our suggestions/thoughts/worries/ideas....the doctor that I believe God placed in the right place at just the right time. But even though I know this, the 2 year old might not be so understanding of the man in the white coat...But you know what? When Dr. A walked in the room, the first thing Ridge did was smile and wave. Ridge remembered Dr. A. And maybe one day, he won't. But maybe...in a very, very good way, he always will.

zzzzzzzzzzzzz....

2011-09-17T06:59:00.000-05:00

I'm so tired I'm practically drooling right here at the computer.

Saturday mornings start super early now that I teach a class at 8 AM....on Saturdays. I'm not complaining-- the students are fantastic, the material is easy to teach, and I get to wear jeans. It's just early.

This weekend, on my agenda, is a whole lot of nothing. I hope to get caught up on some sewing, because I never am caught up on that...and to take naps...because I do that at least 3x a week now :)....and maybe to watch some movies (at home) in the maybe-it-will-be-rainy weather. If I can keep my eyes open long enough to read, I also would love to read as much of Radical as possible...
Sunday, church and grocery shopping are the name of the game...Did you know this Sunday is national "Back to Church" Sunday? I didn't. I just learned that this week. So...now ya know. Unless you knew before.

You know what I think is funny about parenting? Is how it changes you completely and you don't even see it coming. You know a baby will totally rock your world...but last night, at 8:45, I was the only one up and doing stuff in my house. My kids were in bed, and BDawg was in there with them. I think he was asleep, but maybe he was just resting. :) And it wasn't even weird. I mean, it is weird, to be an adult and in bed (or want to be in bed!) at 8:45 PM...but it ISN'T weird in the sense that it is uncommon...bc it is NOT uncommon-when you have kids-to want to go to bed that early...if you're me, you want to go to bed even earlier! I thought this year would bring a couple hours each afternoon to clean up the house and do some crafty stuff while the kids napped/rested. Nope. Like I have already mentioned...at least 3x a week, during their nap, I take a nap. Because I'm tired. Because chasing my favorite 5 yr old and 2 yr old around the house all day makes me tired. Being a parent also means that while it is super fun to go out with friends or the husband, even though both occurrences are rare, it is also just as fun to have the house all to myself for an hour...whereas before kids, why would that have been fun at all? Kids....changing the game completely. Love those kids (no really, I do.)

I have to go to work. What's on your weekend agenda?

burns all the way down....

2011-09-10T12:40:00.001-05:00

Fall-ish weather here has really gotten me in the mood for soup. Like, for every meal (minus breakfast...I'm on a greek yogurt kick there).....It's a bonus on the soup since Progresso was on sale this week and with a coupon I was able to score cans of it for about 75c each. They won't last long with my habitual soup eating, though. My problem is I can't wait for it to cool down a bit before I eat it. I have to eat it right away so that my lips, my tongue, my esophagus, and my stomach are all blistered by the time I'm finished. Ridiculous. I have no patience. Of course, homemade soup is always better, but the same problem exists with that. But bring on the colder weather-- it's time for chicken and noodles, chicken and dumplins, chicken/lime/cilantro soup, good ol' fashioned stew, baked potato soup, broccoli cheese soup...chicken and rice soup....gosh there are so many. my poor blistered digestive system.

In other news, we are going to try to get Ridge a flu shot this year. We were pretty gung-ho about the flumist, which is what sawyer and I will get, but there are a couple of red flags on it for Ridge, so perhaps the flu shot is in order....We haven't done any vaccinations since he turned 1 year old, so I'm a little freaked out...In the past, vaccines have caused him to bleed. Please pray that if that happens, it will be minimal. We have not had to STAY in the hospital in 9 months or so, and I am more than okay with that. Ridge had a blood transfusion in March, and another in June, and that is it in the last six months. Oh how I like this so much better than the other! That life was hard...every day it was hard.

What else...Ridge can take his own diaper off now. That's funny...and inconvenient. I sent the kids outside to play the other day and BDawg looks out and says, "um...look out there." and there's my naked two year old...diaper under the picnic table...he's just playing in the dirt. He's funny.

Sawyer's so smart (I mean, we all think that about our kids...so it's okay if I say it. Your kid is so smart, too.). He can write his numbers at least to 50, probably higher, I just haven't asked him to do so, yet. He can count to 100. He can add almost anything (as long as it doesn't require carrying a 1 or something) you ask him to, as long as you give him an example of how to do it if it's a bit trickier (like 51+23+12). He is reading really well and spelling things by sound, even if the actual spelling isn't spot on. We are very much the same, so time at home can be difficult, but most days it is wonderful and we get a lot accomplished. He has started going to Wednesday night class at church, and when he came home last week he said, "that's the most fun i've had in my whole life!" :) He is getting so big....

I gave my first exam in one of our classes this week- it was amazing how I had all of the exams graded and all grades posted/averaged in about an hour's time...the program we use is so excellent, much less work on the educator's part...and the tests graded SO quickly. I am still not quite adjusted to a schedule of being gone two nights a week and Saturday mornings, but once I get there, it is fantastic.

I have picked up David Platt's book, Radical. If you've read it, feel free to weigh in here...Don't spoil any of it- I'm only a couple chapters in. But it's like kick you in the face good. I'm sure many of you have read it or are familiar with it, but aaaaaah-- it's all about what truly following Jesus means-- and it will totally uproot your thoughts/comforts of living the American Dream. Pretty much every page makes you want to be real, be devoted, and stop playing around. I mean, we're talking legit stuff here. The true cost of following Christ....something so many of us are unwilling to do even though we claim we are believers. The dedication required would actually cause some to stop and think, logically, if it was really worth it.... you know,are you really willing to really be a follower of Christ or not if THIS (whatever THIS is) is what He asks of you? Not just someone who says you are a follwer, but really...you aren't at all. I mean, totally slams you in the face. In a good way, I promise. I don't have a lot of time to read, but this is one that I won't be able to put down....one that I even ordered on CD so my husband would "read" it too! :) But it's another thing that "burns all the way down" like the soup....instead of through my esophagus, though, this time, straight through the very core of who we are....not just am I a good person...but am I DOING anything to show that I am WHO I say I am? Are any of us? I could ramble about it forever, but I'd say instead, read the book! Totally!

Well...I'm going to take a Saturday nap. yes. I am.

dream chaser? dream catcher? dream weaver? don't stop believin'? what do we call this...???

2011-09-05T18:53:00.000-05:00

You know how when you're little, you have these dreams-- these unspoken goals...things you don't realize are, by the world's standards, unattainable for most people? Whatever those dreams are-- I mean, for me, at one point, "livin the dream" meant I would be an aerobics instructor.

{PAUSE}

I left a big ol' pause there, because anyone who knows ME is probably STILL busting a gut on that one.

So this is most assuredly not a post about me saying I'm going to be following THAT particular long forgotten dream. No realization like that has smacked me in the face-- I mean, that dream is from way back in the days of early morning Mousercise on the Disney channel....and Barbies in unitards and legwarmers. I mean, those were my catalysts.

But really. Let's think here for just a minute. Dreams. Desires. Goals. Aspirations....we all had them. We all probably STILL have some semblance of them. But it is the few who actually live them out. I'm not talking about saying, "I have a home I love, and a spouse who loves me, and great kids...I'm livin' the dream." I mean, if you are, that's fantastic-- really! It is! But that isn't what I'm talking about. Am I crazy to think, that deep down, in ALL of us, there is a hunger for more? There is something MORE we are created for? Of course you know where I stand spiritually on the issue-- the "at the root" more we all are created for can only be fulfilled in Jesus Christ...but let's talk past that-- or within that-- or I don't even know what term I'm looking for here. I mean, after you get the spouse, get the job, get the house, get the kids, have the vehicle and the church home and the dog and the clothes and whatever because we all know the list is tragically endless...after you have all of that- and of course all of that by the grace of God... I mean, is that it? Really?

I believe our identity is found only in Jesus Christ. I believe God to be our creator and redeemer. I believe if all I have done in this life is accepted salvation from Jesus Christ...then my eternity is sealed. But...we are here. On this orb right now...definitely any man's time on earth is temporary. But Jesus promised us that he came to give us not only life, but life abundant! And call me crazy, but I think that encompasses more than a dream home or a great lawn or a beautiful family. And call me crazier, but I think that could look like a lot LESS than a dream home or a great lawn or a beautiful family in the eyes of the world. I believe our dreams, or passions, if we will be awake to them, are from the heart of God. (because I suppose everything needs some sort of disclaimer these days, I also believe dreams that are obviously in opposition to the things of God can not possibly BE directions from God)....ANYWAY. These passions...maybe they are small, maybe they are great. I don't know. But I think they are ours for the taking- for the glory of the Lord. I see people doing such great things-- things that the "world" might call crazy. Things like picking up what little, or lot, you have and moving to the wrong side of town, because that's where you can reach out to a family you already know, and you know they need Jesus. You can be a tangible gospel to them, because you are right there, and you said, "I don't need this house on this side of town..I need to love these people, and I can do it better from here." Or things like taking in children to be your own-- whether fostering or adopting-- children from the town you live in, or children from all the way across the world-- because they need saving, literally-- from lives that would be short lived, due to drug abuse around them, or starvation, or disease, or neglect. People are doing this-- and saving lives, literally saving these children. Not all of these people have the money to do that- but they do it anyway. WHY? Because we, if we are children of the Lord, are called to BE Jesus to this earth! Not to just get up and go to work and be like everyone else. Not to say, "well I don't feel like I need to do that, but I am doing my best to be my best at work and at home and with my family." Well, good. Good for you. Good for ME...but how "out there" is THAT? I mean, ANYONE can do that!!! And trust me, I'm pointing four fingers back at me if I'm pointing one at you at all. This is not a blame game- this blog, often times, is my outlet, not just a place to update you on Ridge (although he is doing excellently!). What are we DOING to make a difference in this world!?!?! I agree that our family is our first priority as far as what God has entrusted us with-- we are to love them, to nurture them, to provide for them, to not neglect or forsake them. We are to do that. But is it so insane to think that we are supposed to show them how to LIVE the gospel? I could rant this for days and days....to myself, about myself...and if most of us were honest, we could ALL rant it about ourselves...because the truth is if we look around-- those who are out there doing LITTLE things that are BIG at the same time...are few and far between. And I'm all for being the silent blessing, the one on the sidelines...the seed planters. So don't think I'm knocking that. But we get ONE shot at this lifetime in THIS world. Shouldn't we be making it count? Not by spending as much time at the park with our kiddos or on dates with our significant other or having fun at the golf course...not that anything is wrong with ANY of that. fun is fun and it is good to have fun-- but I just don't think that's ALL that life has to offer! We have this great big world right at our fingertips-- even within our own communities-- there are needs to be met, and why are we not meeting them? The church, collectively, is called to be living testaments of Jesus Christ- we are to be out there BEING Jesus to a world in need....and that could mean great great things! It might mean living on the wrong side of town, or it might mean acting on that nagging you've had to start some business or ministry or whatever...or taking in that young person you heard had fallen on some hard times...or whatever....just to in turn receive a tremendous blessing.

Who knows? I don't. I'm just talking. You don't have to listen....and if you are still here, it's okay if you don't like it. These are just some things that have been filling the conversations in our household lately. Once we accept the greatest gift we can be offered-- salvation in Christ...what are we gonna do with it? Because I certainly don't think just sitting around enjoying a normal life like "everyone else" is the right answer. I think there is more. I think we were ALL created for more. And i think it's time we start claiming that and doing more. More in faith- for our dreams, and for the dreams of others. We know as believers, eternity will be incredible....and we know, as believers, that we will endure hardship here on this earth, in this world...but since we are aware of that, and we know it will happen regardless of whether we are living life like everyone else or living life incredibly....why not do great things??? Not for US....because we all know that chasing a dream for our own glory will NOT be fulfilling in the least... but for the Kingdom...for something greater and bigger than ourselves....why not do what we were created for???

I don't have a good closing sentence/wrap up/whatever. My thoughts aren't finished. But this post is. :)

good night!

Just a couple....

2011-08-21T17:17:00.000-05:00

Well, idk about you, but I am growing used to, and quite fond of, the yellow and grey here on the blog. I think we will keep it awhile.

And I hope your jaw isn't totally on the floor dropped in awe of the fact i'm posting AGAIN...twice in one week.

I don't have anything fantastico to post about. Just a couple photos and musings...

First of all, I'm still crazy about deals and couponing. We needed some milk anyway the other day, so running to CVS where it was only $2.99 wasn't an unreasonable request in this household. BUT I got up fast and headed over there pronto when I heard about these hair straighteners! Don't get too fired up, they are probably all gone by now...but maybe not?? These straighteners (of which, admittedly, I need neither) are regular $30-$35ish. They are on unmarked clearance for 75% off (so around $7-$8). PLUS last week at CVS if you bought a conair product, you got a $5 printout (called an Extra Care Buck-- it's like credit to spend at CVS). So if $7ish wasn't good enough on those straighteners, it was really like I paid $7, got $5 back, so one miiiight say I got them for $2. So that's insane. I paid around $19 total for these 3 items and got back $10 in Extra Care Bucks (ECBs). I'd say not too shabby (kinda like spending $9 for all of that). I love love love shopping this way- we get so much, for so little!

What else... I made some coasters. And a cute minnie mouse pillowcase dress for a big sister/little sister duo....

And... my kids are really cute.

And...Brandon's sister got married, Ridge was enamored with the idea of her wedding dress, and then he spilled water all over his wedding attire and got to boogie down semi-naked style.

He also loved the cake at the rehearsal dinner (and at the wedding...and any cake, anytime, anywhere...)....cousin Noah didn't waste time putting away the grub, either....and then they all posed on the steps for a picture (okay that was before the cake...because after the cake, Ridge looked like the ABOVE picture as well)

Aren't they all so cute? Yes. Yes they are.

So there were a couple photos. :) Just a couple.

And here is a musing for you, if you will. I've been reading Steven Furtick's book "Sun Stand Still" for...like...forever. I'm a horrible reader since I have kids...no excuse or anything, I just mean I don't take/make time to read enough now that I have children. I seriously have been reading this book for probably...oh...6 months? AWFUL of me! But it's really good. And I only have like 5 more pages. Or 10. Or is it chapters? no no no-- pages. :)

Here is my most recent favorite excerpt:
"If all God wanted to do was get right to the happy ending, you'd be in heaven by now. If his only intention were to make your dreams come true, he'd snap his fingers and your vision would appear out of thin air. But that's not all God wants. And deep down, it's not really all you want either. You want to learn to walk by faith, not by sight. And you can't learn that without walking through periods of complete darkness. The apprehension and gut-level fear you'll feel in these stages may make you turn back and pursue something safer....Or you can opt for something better. You can embrace the process with audacious faith. Because every big dream has small beginnings. Between the promise and the payoff, there's always a process. And that process is a breeding ground of faith. That process has the potential to draw you closer to Jesus than you've ever been before.......The.Process.Is.The.Point."-- Steven Furtick (except I added some emphasis right there at the end...I think my process allows me that creative entitlement).

So. Yeah. Do I even need to say anything else? No. But because by now you obviously know I can blab my mouth forever, I will. We've gone through quite a process. So have many, if not all of you. Sure our stories are different. But Bdawg and I were talking the other night on the way to my mom and dad's for dinner (to which my oldest child said, "Golly you guys have talked the WHOLE way here. Can you just STOP talking?"-- you know, because we get to have a conversation so often and all. :) Anyway, we were talking about how weird it is now. How a year ago, our life was totally different, and how we still feel like we are on rubber legs. I said I don't know if things ever will really feel normal again. I don't know if they ever CAN. I have NO idea how we would EVER go back to the dark time we have lived through. I don't know if I could make it. I don't know if I could do it again. Although, deep down, I know you are always given the grace to withstand much more than you think you can. But while dark times (can) cause us to question God, pray with a vengeance, be angry, be afraid, rise up in faith, cry until we literally have no tears it seems....they often are exited with a new sense of calm. A new sense of purpose. And while your faith may be strengthened, and your awe of the hand of God may be new and just too big for you to wrap your brain around....you may also still feel afraid. And still question why. and still have shaky legs because what was normal before can never even BE again because of what HAS been SINCE then. You have been shaped. You have been held. You have been loved. But you have also been scarred. And scars don't just disappear...they are reminders of the discomfort we have felt at one time. Like the scar on my knee- I know it's from throwing a fit and rolling over onto the scissors in fourth grade when my mom wouldn't help me on a project bc I was being a brat. And the scar on my chin, I got that one from being an idiot and twisting my bike's handlebars back and forth and i fell right onto the asphalt road....my sister had all the courtesy in the world to just laugh at me, and all i was worried about was if I looked ugly or not. I remember all the blood and i remember seeing the stitches' thread being pulled/laced whatever through my chin....i remember busting the stitches open again on the playground, but thankfully no major catastrophe resulted from that. I have a scar on my ankle from being out at the farm with my Nana...she told me to crawl through this barbed wire fence, and I said I couldn't fit...she did it, so she assumed I could. I'm not athletic or coordinated in the least sense of the word. So, I ripped open my ankle on the wire. She said it'd be fine. And it was, but there was a lot of blood and there's a nice big ol' scar there now. Stretchmarks. Reminders of the lives that have lived inside of me, and the pieces of my heart that now walk around my house every day. Scars. They are reminders. They are tough. They can be ugly. But they are earned. Accidentally, sometimes with no warning. Sometimes they aren't fair. And sometimes they hurt. And even if it's just a little scar on a finger from where the cat scratched you at one time, it's still a scar...it tells a story...and it leaves your body different than it was before that incident. Scars. We definitely earned a few in this household over the last couple of years. And I think that they have changed us. And that's okay. We can't be the same. What was normal, will never be normal to us again. I don't even REMEMBER what our life was like when things were "normal." I didn't know that'd ever be gone from us. But it is. And I guess I thought we'd always get it back one day...but we won't. Because even if on the surface everything were identical- if I were back to full time work, if my kids were in school/daycare...if Ridge never needed blood and could take antibiotics when he was sick, etc....even if we had EVERYTHING we had before, we still have these scars from the road we've been on. And that changes your perspective. Some things matter more now, and some things matter so much less.

Scars....we all have them. At least a couple. They are there for a reason...whether we choose to remember the story they tell and do something about it or ignore them and try to live in spite of them...well, that's our decision. For me, they are too deep to ignore. I know we will adjust to a normal again, but it won't ever be like before. And that's okay. Because the process...that same process that gives you those scars...it's the point.

what? WHAAAAT?!?!?! yes. it's fine.

2011-08-19T15:46:00.000-05:00

Howdy, world.

First thing's first. I wanted to change the background of the blog. Somehow, when messing with all that, I messed some stuff up. So welcome to the new view-- I hope you like it and can navigate okay, because I'm way too exhausted to try to figure out exaaaaactly how to put it back the way it was. It's pretty close, though, so most of you should be fine. :)

Any of you more tech savvy people out there know much about tumblr? I have half a mind to switch over to blogging that way, since I have this account and I'm semi-hooked on pinterest....am I speaking english? To some of you, no. :) That's okay too. But I only have half a mind to switch because I don't understand how it works with the other half of my mind. So...geniuses who read this- inform me, please.

What else, what else...oh, I know. Two new things. If my eyes stay open long enough to type them (and it's only 2:50 PM...but lately, I find myself getting up around 7 or 730 AM one day, but not going to bed until around 1am, which puts me already into the next day. I need to get more sleep_....ANYWAY.

1. I start my new job Monday!   I will be teaching night classes at OCCC (and a Saturday class because I'm sort of insane). I am really excited. The math department is so nice-- meaning the people...but the department itself/it's features are also incredibly nice! I am super excited. The enrollment is incredibly high and over half of their classes, especially the math classes at the level I will be teaching, are covered by adjunct professors. We had new adjunct training this week and the VP of Academic Affairs was fantastic and letting us know how appreciated the adjunct faculty is. Anyway, it didn't take long for me to realize I was in a very, very good place! I have met both of my partners (we team teach the courses I am working in....goes a little something like this: each class session, we have FOUR small classes: a large group, a computer lab time, a small group, and another large group session. In large groups, lectures are given. I will lecture sometimes -- I will have my students as well as my partner's students in there. The times I do not lecture, my partner will. During small group/computer, I will only have MY students, and we will work on homework and some visual applications to the day's concepts). I am totally excited. Overwhelmed. But excited. Both of my partners are fantastic, and are going to be wonderful to work with.

2. I bought school supplies. And a backpack. And new clothes. For my 5 year old. To go to Kindergarten. We were all geared up for it. Or at least prepared. But neither Brandon or I felt right about it. Not because we think school is bad or wrong or whatever, because that's asinine. And not because we aren't ready for S to be a big kid- although who is ready for that kind of stuff? But that had nothing to do with it...because he's a big kid no matter where I put him. But something just wasn't right about it. And you can't just ignore those promptings in your spirit. So we piddled around about whether we were just going to go ahead and send him to school, where we knew he'd learn a lot and have fun and do just fine (even though he does know all of the math and reading/writing PASS skills already)....or if we'd just keep him home, and reinforce what we learned last year, as well as throw in the social studies/science/music/PE (if you know me, you are probably laughing at that one)/health and safety type subject areas. I'm not a procrastinator. But it wasn't until the day before school started that we actually decided to keep Sawyer home. Which meant, I had all my resources from LAST year, but zero for THIS year. So...we loaded up and went to Mardel and bought what we could decide on for sure, and I ordered the rest on line. So initially we will be winging it. More details in a bit, but let's all stop and take a knee for a second. :) Here's what you can pray for us this year, if you want something to pray for us about other than Ridge (please, keep praying for him! He's doing fantastic!) Pray that I will remember that even though Sawyer is just like me, he is also just like his dad. He would rather learn by being told and just sit there and read/write/reproduce something (ME) than by having fun/playing a game/etc. (BDAWG). This sounds fabulous, because I can easily find papers to go over/help him do...but as a teacher, I want to DO activities with him, and his brain isn't geared as much that way as his daddy's is. HOWEVER. He....knows....how.....to.....taaaaaaaaake.....hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis......sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.....tiiiiiiime. No rushing that kid. What should take a few minutes, takes 30 minutes. He just isn't in a hurry. THAT is his daddy...it'll get done when it gets done. And I can appreciate that attitude, it is the total opposite of me. But it makes it difficult trying to accomplish daily goals in school if you want to take forever on a short project. And I'm a finisher. I always have too many irons in the fire. It's just how I am. So anyway, project meet in the middle (except really I will walk farther...willingly) is underway.

I have oodles of things I want to say about this decision to homeschool, because I know what some people say (or don't) and think about people who decide to school from home. But I will just keep it at this: this is what we-- BDawg and myself-- felt right about. I didn't want to send my child to school just because culturally that is what we "do" when they are 5 years old. That's a stupid reason to do something. What started out as a "have to" in our brains because of avoiding illness (which we still would like to do) has grown into a "want to." I'm home anyway. My child is my responsibility. If I were working, I wouldn't even think about this as an option- I'd send him straight to Kindergarten because that's what people do. But I have time and freedom to sit back and think about what do we really want to do? Do I want to commit to this? Because it IS a commitment. I am responsible for making sure my child learns as much (and even MORE than) what he'd learn in public school (and we have FANTASTIC public schools. please do not misconstrue what I am saying...this is a FAN of public schools here). I have to read over the PASS skills. I have to make sure I have all the curriculum/resources/activities I need. I have to be the one to make sure my child is interacting with others (he will be- at church. at birthday parties. at regularly scheduled homeschool craft times at Chick Fil A). Keeping him home isn't a ticket to just not have to take him to school, or to have a helper around the house. It is a responsibility that I never knew I wanted. And it is not easy for me. It is a challenge. It is going to take practice. My laundry room is going to become my best friend for awhile-- it is where I go to breathe some big time prayers when coloring an elephant's trunk takes S as long as it would take me to prove the Theory of Relativity (ok...exaggeration...yes). But we will get over the initial newness and have a terrific year, if I have anything to do with it.   And I will.
So that's a teeeeeeny glimpse of our brains at work-- I'm sure I'll share more at another time. Because you asked, and all. :)

Hope all of those who started a new school year-- teachers/students/administrators/parents of little ones who just started school-- are enjoying it so far (or I hope you DO enjoy it if you're lucky enough to still be enjoying a bit of summer break!).

Here's to learning something new. Everyday.   And living a life abundant. Everyday. And freedom in Christ. Everyday. Cheers!

everything's late.

2011-08-02T13:13:00.001-05:00

I haven't blogged in like two months! Terrible, terrible. So I'm late on the blogging front. Two years after Ridge was born (i.e. this summer) we took a vacation to Dallas (we didn't want to venture toooooo far yet). So that was late-- only because other circumstances prevented us from vacationing. I can't seem to get anything accomplished around the house or anywhere else, so that's ALL late.

So I had to start somewhere. First we went on the vacation. Now I'll get a blog post finished. Then I can feel like I'm a super accomplished rockstar human being.

Okay. Dallas was super fun. We started out our trip with a stop over at Turner Falls to split the driving up just a bit.

From there, we headed to the Great Wolf Lodge, where fun was had by all of us!

From the GWL we headed to another hotel after two days/one night there ($$$!!!!)

At that hotel, the boys enjoyed snuggling in the same bed with their new GWL stuffed animals...chasing each other up and down the hall....and from there, we left for a day of shopping at Grapevine Mills (including lunch at the Rainforest Cafe), followed by a day of shopping at Cabelas and an evening of a Rangers game where not only did they win, but the boys (all 3 of them!) were able to get an autograph from the Rangers coach. It was fun. And hot.

On our last day in Dallas, we met dear friends for lunch and a good time was had by all (including our bellies!)

The end! We had a great trip, the boys did well, and it was so wonderful feeling like we could go and do those things-- we have not been able to, or felt able to, in two years!

And in addition to all of that-- five weeks ago, Ridge had a lab, his hgb was good: 11.5. Two weeks later, it was even better (no transfusion) 11.8. This week, he hasn't had a lab, but I checked his hemoglobin-- 12.7!!! We are so thankful that he is continuing to do so well (even if he is covered in a nasty rash bc he's had Fifth's Disease...again. and even if he is fighting an awful lot with his brother, which is why I will be saying TTYL for now!)

Everyone have a great day!

half a decade

2011-06-08T09:06:00.000-05:00

Five years ago tomorrow, our world completely changed. You don't think having a baby will be that big of a deal- I mean, you KNOW it's a big deal, but going from a couple to a couple with a baby doesn't really seem like that big of a transition- everyone does it. I don't remember anyone telling me to savor those moments before kids got here-- not because the moments after kids are bad, but because they are different, and one on one time for even just a conversation with your spouse becomes sort of....rare. I don't know if I would've listened to them anyway, even if someone had told me that. Because you just aren't expecting the change that comes your way. But I'm lovin those people who take those "Babymoon"s because THAT is the way to go...send out your last bit of time as just the two of you in styyyyle. Anyway, five years ago, after three years of marriage (almost), our duo became a trio when Sawyer Miles was born.

I wasn't really progressing any in labor, and Sawyer was kind of large it seemed, and since it was my first baby and we weren't sure how labor would go, we went in a year ago tonight and began paperwork and some preliminary stuff for an induction. The nurse was generous to say I was dilated to even a 1/2 cm, bc I was not budging at all. The medication they gave me that night caused contractions, so I was taken off of it, and just slept the night in the hospital. The morning of June 9th, we began the induction, and for all the gripe some people have about it, mine was perfect. I got my epidural early, I was progressing okay but not super rapidly, so the doctor broke my water, things started to move super quickly, the doctor came in just as I was about to have to push. And then, one or two pushes later, we had an 8 lb 14 oz baby boy. I don't like it when people say babies are perfect, bc really no one is, and it kinda tears at my heart a bit because if some babies are called perfect, that means some are thought to be imperfect, and having a child that some of the world views as "broken" is not something I like knowing about first hand...so I will not say Sawyer was perfect-- but he was spectacular...he was splendid....he was gorgeous....and he was fat...that's for sure. It was love at first sight. We went home a few days later and began our life as 3. Sawyer was a pretty good baby, slept okay, nursed like a champ, wasn't really fussy very often at all. And as he grew, he had the hugest, bluest eyes. What a charmer, that kid.

Fast forward a few years later...skipping over the milestones like first teeth, first haircut, first word (okay, we shouldn't skip that one- his first word was NO. I knew a strong willed child was in our future from that moment on), first time to eat an enchilada out of the trash, first time to unroll all the toilet paper and shove it all in the toilet, first time to mess up people's names (Garret=A-yo, Binet'= Mae, Grammy=Gibby and that one stuck), cute ramblings (goggygoggygoggy was some of our first consistent talking, whatever it meant)...all kinds of firsts. Now we are about to have a 5 year old. And in celebration of all things Sawyer, here is my birthday letter to him.

Dear Sawyer:
Before you were born, I knew I loved you. I just didn't know how much. I guess I still don't know how much. You melted my heart as soon as I set eyes on you--I knew for nine months you were coming, but I couldn't fathom that moment of them laying you on my chest-- me actually meeting you, face to face, a real live little tiny human being! Oh how proud your daddy and I were (and are!) of you. Most definitely you were one of the cutest babies ever, and how blessed we are to have been chosen to be your parents! I can guarantee no one has made us laugh as much as you have-- you say the funniest things. You are also so caring and loving towards your brother, and usually towards your dad and I :). I am so proud of how you help take care of Ridge and how you love on him every day. You are also a great helper-- you usually do what you are asked and are now big enough to help with chores around the house. I appreciate your willing heart. You have a questioning spirit right now-- you want to know things that I don't always have the answer to...you take things very literally even when they aren't meant that way-- it is innocent, it is funny, and it is one of the things I love about you! The last two years of your life have been difficult, not by your own choosing. When I look at your brother, I realize that when he was born, you were only about 8 or 9 months older than he is today. I can't believe that time flies that quickly, even in adversity. I can't believe you were that small when so much heaviness hit our hearts. I am so thankful that things are better now. I am thankful that you were young enough that hopefully most of this will be a distant memory soon, if even that. There truly are no words to say for how much we love you-- you are our firstborn, you completely changed our lives-- you changed our priorities, you brought us more love and laughter, you taught us how to operate on less sleep, you brightened our lives in a way we could never have expected. You are by far one of God's greatest blessings in our life. I am so proud of you for being a strong learner-- willing to ask questions, being able to read and spell and add and memorize. I am proud of you for being a helper. I am proud of you for being a friend to your brother. I am proud of you for learning to ride your bike! and learning to make your bed!!! You are such a fun friend to have, and your loyalty runs deep. You come by your independence honestly, and that is a quality I am okay with. I pray you will always be willing to learn, that you will stick to what you know is right, that you will always be compassionate and a friend to those in need of one, and that you will be willing to be molded into the person God has created you to be. I know you are destined for greatness, and I can not wait to continue watching you grow. I love you with all my heart, my handsome blue eyed boy!

Shout out for NOT getting sick! The best defense....

2011-06-01T09:18:00.001-05:00

Okay so I have to share this for those of you who have not heard of it-- which is probably most of you, because I JUST learned about it and I'm a germaphobe!

Knowing the parents that read this blog, as well as many of the teachers that do so, I think this is a noteworthy short post.

Recently, randomly, by chance or some act of God :), I discovered Prefense. I will disclaim here-- I'm not being paid, at all, to write this. There is a small chance I might win some hand sanitizing wipes, but I'm bankin that my odds aren't great there- I'm really just sharing bc I think it's worth sharing!

So what is Prefense? Basically, short version-- it is a silica based hand sanitizing foam product available in a 640 pump bottle or a 120 pump bottle, and now, also hand sanitizing wipes! What does it do? It creates a germ busting barrier on your skin that lasts for up to 24 hours or up to 10 hand washings/sanitizings. This means you only use it once a day. It is all natural and non toxic should your kids, um, eat it. Because you only apply it once daily, I would have to assume it does not crack the skin as badly as repeatedly using alcohol based sanitizers (which is what I have used till now....I just got my shipment of Prefense products, which I ordered from their online store, http://www.prefense.com/products/, a week or so ago. Because it is non-toxic, if you so choose, you can also apply it to the nose/mouth areas for 24 hour protection of germs there....

Price wise, I am a tightwad, so it was a bit of a stretch for me to purchase until I did the math. A small bottle of it (very small...but lasts 120 pumps) is around $7. In our family, we easily go through an economy size of alcohol based sanitizer in a month. This varies from $4.50-$7 depending on where I'm shopping for it. And that lasts 3 of us a month- B is always at work, so he uses sanitizer there. Prefense would last all four of us a month, bc one pump a day is enough to last ALL day. So it doesn't cost any more. The 640 pump bottle is $17. If we do the math as 120 pumps lasts 1 month, 640 would last a little over 5 months, right? Which means you are spending about $3.50 per month, actually a little less I believe. That's cheaper than alcohol based sanitizers. Prefense breaks it down to about 6 cents a day. You use it once a day....versus 10+ times a day for alcohol based sanitizers to be effective.

So we are totally giving it a try! Their new hand sanitizing wipes are available at their online store, and soon will be available at their Amazon store.

I think this is totally worth a shout out- for anyone whose kids go to daycare, school, the nursery at church, mother's day out, um, even restaurants, the zoo, etc etc. And if I were still in the classroom full time, I would totally have a bottle of it on my desk, or even one of their large wall units in my room! If I can give my students clean hands like this ALL day long, they won't get sick as often, they won't miss as much class, and if they aren't sick, the odds of ME getting sick is smaller. I do not see a downside to this product at all! And remember, I'm totally not getting paid to say this- I really believe it is worth a try!

The best defense...is a strong Prefense. (Their words, not mine! But I believe it!)

advice and dis-advice :)

2011-05-28T22:11:00.001-05:00

While I wait on the boys to fall asleep so B Dawg and I can find a late night movie to rent on TV...I thought I'd blab a little.

Today has been delightfully uneventful...picked a few things from the garden. The boys played in their new little swimming pool. I mopped my kitchen floor with my homemade concoction (no...not bleach and ammonia...i'm smart, remember!) and homemade swiffer pads... :) And now I'm sitting here just waiting to veg out on the couch and watch a movie. I'm a go-getter. Idle hands I do not have. So I don't take nights like this very often, and when I do, I eat all the snacks I can find and stay up as late as my eyes will stay open.

I have a lot of friends who are new moms...or moms going through things for the first time (of which I am one, since my 4 almost 5 year old is new territory every day- never raised one of those before...) and I have seen a lot of questions lately, or musings by other experienced moms or mommy blogs or whatever whatever about advice needed now, or advice you wish you would've had- or wouldn't have had... so I thought I'd compile a list here--- hopefully you will nod in agreement, or shake your head in dismay, or laugh, or whatever. And when you're all finished reading this little diddy, you can leave a comment if you have one. I mean, you know, if it's nice. Because we all received that advice at one point-- if you can't say something nice.... :)

So. advice, musings, regrets, mistakes, whatever this list becomes, here it is.

1. Your offspring WILL poop in the bathtub. Maybe not as a baby, or maybe so...but it will happen. Brace yourself. Get some latex gloves or an aquarium net...and keep some bathroom cleaner under your sink.
2. child-proof cabinet things are annoying. But if you don't have them, because they are annoying, the removal of all your cabinets' items becomes even more annoying. In addition, everyone who comes to your house who does not have children or is not familiar with such new-fangledness as child proof latches will become incredibly frustrated trying to open your kitchen cabinet to get to the trash. I mean, why do you need a latch on the trash cabinet? It's not like your 1 year old is gonna open the cabinet and eat an enchilada out of the trash.
3. your one year old could possibly eat an enchilada out of the trash. mine did.
4. You will get frustrated. You don't think you will. You might even judge those moms who do. But you will get frustrated at some time. I mean, you're the most awesomest person around, so you will probably hold your frustration in supremely and never yell or cry or just need to shut yourself in the laundry room with a box of zebra cakes while Jr. cries it out....but you will still get frustrated. gracefully. or maybe not so gracefully. that's okay. it's super okay because if you are AWARE that you will get frustrated, YOU can lay baby down or put child in room with some toy, and step away, even if you are letting said child cry it out...because when you do get frustrated, it is good to know when you need a break. and those zebra cakes will make you feel sick later, and might even make you get a little fatter, but it's worth it. just make sure you say grace before you eat each one.
5. you don't know everything. you don't. you might know a lot of everything by the time you have a second child, but with your first, there is no way you know everything. neither does everyone else- even if it's your grandmother who birthed 17 children in the same day with no anesthesia. every mom is different. so is every baby. so take advice when it's offered, and throw it out the window if it's advice that sucks.
6. sometimes weird advice might be right...for you. even if you don't think it is/will be. like how i read of someone giving their kid goat milk and i thought they were the wackiest people ever until i met someone else who had to give her kid that, and then someone else...and then i realized that even though i'd been giving my kid cow milk like a normal mom, so much better than those weird moms, he had super bad eczema that was always worse the more dairy he ate/drank. and i had another baby, this one with a lot of medical issues, who would be doing semi-fine when he was breastfed but when it came time to switch him to another form of milk, dairy messed him up inside every time we tried it. so even though i thought it weird, i gave it a whirl- the goat milk, that is. and it's worked beautifully in my son. so even if someone tells you something and you think "that's stupid. she's weird." you better smack yourself in the mouth, because you might just be wrong, and you might need the weirdos advice one day.
7. you don't have to do what everyone tells you. in fact, don't. but tuck it away in a file-- figuratively...or literally if you are THAT type-A. but maybe you might need that goat milk advice. or maybe you might need to talk to that mom who is educated about vaccines. or maybe that strange sounding website that weird mom at the park told you about might have exactly what you are looking for. or maybe jane from down the street planned a super cool birthday party on a tight budget and you wanna know where to score those awesome party favors. don't be afraid to ask, and don't be too rude to listen with an open mind.
8. you are the parent. your baby can't talk. it can cry. it can laugh, sometimes. it can pee, poop, burp, and pass gas with the best of em. but you gotta know your stuff. you are the advocate. i don't just mean you get to do whatever you want, no matter what hippie mom down the road tells you. i mean, i guess you DO...but i am saying- you call the shots. this puts a HUGE ball in your court. you HAVE to know your stuff. and all that random advice people give you, that's part of your stuff. no one knows everything. not the lady down the street, not your coworker, not you, and not even your doctor. so ask questions- especially at the doctor. don't take the first random thing you are told as gospel truth- if the only thing wrong with your kid is that she has a red dot on her leg, even if the dr told you it was chicken pox, you might not believe the doctor. if the only thing wrong with your kid is a fever, if the doctor says it's a virus but you think it's something else, you have the right to ask-- you're paying the copay! you can have the doctor look at the ears...the throat...the whatever. you're the boss. yeah, you don't have 50 years of medical school under your belt, so you gotta bow the knee a little bit, i mean, they ARE the doctor. But they aren't God. They aren't psychic. They can't see through flesh. Just because they SAY something doesn't make it true! We've been misdiagnosed-- humongously but also on smaller scales. "no it isn't strep throat, it's a virus." oook. a week later my kid is still feeling bad, still having fever, tonsils swollen to kingdom come, can't talk normally..."it's just a virus." 3 days later, still no better. antibiotics given...and within 24 hours, normal child is back. coincidence? maybe. maybe not. YOU are the advocate. love your doctor. give them respect. appreciate the knowledge they have. But don't take it like you're stupid and they're smart. YOU'RE smart. and your kid can't tell you what's going on, so BE persistent. If I could harp on one thing, this would be it! I can't TELL you how many times I have known something specific is wrong with one of my kids and have been told- not by one doctor, but multiple- that nothing was wrong, or it would pass in a few days, etc....and then a week later, we return to get the diagnosis i suspected in the FIRST place. And I can't even count how many other parents have told me "oh it's just this" and then "just this" becomes something else. And it isn't the parents' fault. It isn't the doctor's fault. Just be educated. Don't take things at face value JUST bc of someone's degree status. *disclaimer here- i am NOT anti doctor. I love our doctors. All 23875976387456 of them. i am PRO-parental education and advocacy. And as far as I know, so are ALL of our doctors. so SPEAK UP, mommas and daddies! YOU are your child's voice. YOU!
9. Breastfeeding isn't easy. It isn't sunshine and roses and constant cuddles. It is going from a tiny chested individual to dolly parton with your first baby and figuring out how to get comfortable with that engorgement and figuring out how to work a fandangled contraption called a breastpump...and is that kid latching on right? WHAT? I can't have ANY milk at all bc it's making my kid's belly hurt (this was my case, with BOTH children). Heck no, I'm having my ice cream! And then I'm paying for it being up all night with a baby arching his back in pain. Nope, no dairy for me. But it is worth every effort you put forth- it is FREE, it IS better for your kids than formula, and unless there is some physical reason or medical reason you CAN NOT do it, it is totally worth the effort. I know there are exceptions to EVERYTHING, so don't take this personally- your situation might be an exception. That's fine. But in the average jane person, breastfeeding does not go splendidly at first. Baby might latch on, baby might not. You might need some weird nipple shield. You might have to pump. Don't listen when people tell you you aren't making enough milk, especially at the very first, when your baby is brand new. What you ARE making is what that baby needs. I know that's a lot in one paragraph and I didn't even camp out near as much as I want. You find someone who is supportive and knowledgeable about breastfeeding if that's what you choose to do with your baby...find a friend, a LaLeche leader, a Lactation Consultant...and you ask all the questions you can think of. And don't listen to the naysayers. As with anything new, it is difficult at first. It takes awhile to get used to it, but then it is second nature, even with all the hoops some of us have to jump through. Promise....I made it 12 months with my first baby and 18 with my second. (again, no one get their panties in a wad- i KNOW there are exceptions).
10. Keep pens and permanent markers out of reach- your couch will either look like a Pollock original or your child will have a Hitler moustache. And kids are really good at finding stuff, so you know...hide things somewhere super duper good- out of reach...or you know, in those child safety latch cabinets.
11. kids give the best hugs and the sweetest kisses, and if they are your kids, take all that lovin you can get.
12. children draw really funny pictures and if you need a laugh, give your 4 year old a crayon and some paper and tell them to get to work.
13. unless you are wonderwoman (and i know a few who are!)-- your body might never look as good post baby as pre baby. i know this can seem like an excuse for laziness, but i don't mean it as one. sure, get up and dance, go to the gym, lift some weights, do some cardio...get in shape- you owe your kids that. so do i. but you don't have to look like Barbie...remember what usually happens to Barbie anyway- she gets her hair cut off in some awful chop job by a 3 year old. hot? i think not.
14. sleep when the baby sleeps. work fast and furiously when the baby sleeps. sleep when the baby sleeps. or don't. do what you have to do. if you wake up from a drool producing deep sleep, buried in a pile of laundry you can swear you already folded...well, that's okay too. babies make you tired. and they create a lot of laundry. you know...just do what you gotta do.
15. have fun! you don't have to be june cleaver, and i hope you aren't peg bundy, but YOU are the mom (or dad) God gave to the child He gave YOU. yes, you're gonna get frustrated. yes, you're going to mess up sometimes. make it right when you do that. make playdoh with your kids sometimes. bake cookies. let them help. when you've had too much, go out for a night with a friend- THAT is important and FAR too many people are unsupportive of stuff like that. You deserve that. And when you come home and find your prince(s) or princess(es) tucked in bed, fast asleep, kiss them on their sweet foreheads and breathe in that life, that youth, that innocence, that is just beaming out of them!

movie time. I could keep going, but I'll give you a turn!!!

terribly busy, no blogging, thoughts, ramblings...

2011-05-21T21:01:00.001-05:00

Well, considering the blogging front is dwindling at my fingertips (my blogging front, anyway), I figured it was time for some updates. Thankfully, there isn't a lot to report! We are still doing well- Ridge has been transfusion free for the past 9 and a half weeks-- holla! He's the sweetest boy around, kissing everything in sight-- momma, daddy, brother, the dishwasher, the bathtub, you know, just whatever. It's hilarious. He is sort of learning to run, which is quite funny because he throws his arms behind him and then just stomps really rapid-fire. He has learned to stick out his tongue, so he thinks...but really he is just opening his mouth really big. It's hilarious. Every single time.

Allergies are kicking our tails right now. The oldest child is all puffy eyed and congested, while the youngest is all faucet- nosed. yucko. But everyone seems to feel okay, which is good, because as an allergy sufferer myself, I know how bad allergies can make one feel at times.

What else is new? Oh, yeah..I have a job! I will be teaching two developmental math courses in the fall at a local community college! I am nervous and excited, and so thankful for the opportunity that presented itself through a friend. I totally consider this an open door provided by the Lord. So...it's new, it's scary, but I think i'm really going to like it-- it won't change our schedule much at all, and I will get to be back in a classroom.

Other than that, no big news to report here. In light of the new job, I have really been thinking back on the last two years and how much the Lord has done for us. I mean, two years ago, I had to leave my job because of circumstances. It was a tough decision but an obvious one. I didn't have to battle internally over what I would do, I knew what I had to do, even if I didn't want to. Things got really bad with baby and we were clinging to faith that seemed impossibly small. And...God came through. In spite of our small faith. Because it isn't about us. And things stayed difficult for kind of a long time. And things still aren't normal. But gradually, things got more normal, and they are continuing to become more and more normal. And I am often reminded of that. Of the times we have been brought through, of the promises that have been made to us by a faithful and loving God, of the lessons we have learned and are still learning, of the faith that has grown and will continue to grow. I find it fascinating that even as adults, we don't have to/get to just be "done" with stuff. Life keeps coming at us, and God isn't finished with us, and lessons are still learned and faith is still tested, and miracles can still happen- in us, through us, around us. In my own life right now, I am being challenged to realize/recall/remember/learn for the first time, I don't know-- to see that in this one life that we've been given- in this one life that I've been given-- there IS something great that God wants to do not just IN me, but THROUGH me, for others, maybe for just one person, maybe for the world! I don't know. But I know it's true for all of us who are believers-- just floating around through our life, doing everything like everyone else, blending in...well, that's weird. That isn't how it's supposed to be! There are GREAT things in store for us-- we have to seize them! I am reading a book by Steven Furtick right now that reminds us of having a Joshua like faith. Before God is going to do a "sun stand still" type of miracle, there will be challenges-- there will be obedience that is tested. There will be difficult decisions made. THere will be things done that I/you/we may not want to do. But that doesn't matter. Because to walk through those things in faith will bring us out on the other side to see the glorious things God has in store for us. And I don't want to get so caught up in the junk that's around me/us that I miss that. And I don't think we talk about that kind of stuff enough. I don't think that living our faith is important enough to most of us. I'm not pointing fingers- well, if I am, I'm pointing some back at me, too, anyway-- I'm just saying, it doesn't seem like faith is an integral part in our life as much as it should be. I don't want faith only when I "need" it. Because...that isn't faith. I don't want a genie God-- "what can He do for ME?" That's stupid. I don't want a generic God-- "well, I'll be prayin for ya...crossing my fingers too. God's good!" Then turn around and forget that was ever even said, not give it another thought. I want THE God. You know, the one who split the Red Sea, made the sun stand still, created all the earth and space, raised the dead, turned water to wine, died and rose again- THE God. And I don't like how we say those kind of things and then forget about them. We shouldn't just want this on Easter, or tomorrow, or 5 times a year, or when things get tough. Every day. Because He's the same. Every day. And unfortunately, so are we, a lot of the time. If I'm gonna be the same every day, I don't want to be the same as everyone else is the same! I know I'm rambling...sometimes my thoughts go down clearly, other times I'm working them out. I'm still working this out. How about you?
....

easter and ridge updates...and do coupons really work?

2011-04-27T08:14:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a good hodge podge of stuff. You're welcome.

First off: Ridge. The line removal was a great success so far...He got to take a bath for the first time in two years!

He is doing great, and tomorrow it will be 6 weeks since his last blood transfusion. He has never gone this long without transfusions, without being on steroids. His labs have been the same for about the last 4 weeks. We are still super careful about illness and I am still paranoid about it all because I do fear that if he gets sick, we will be back in the hospital. We haven't been in the hospital since January! Praise Jesus!

Easter this year-- surprisingly, even with us being in the hospital so much one and two years ago, Ridge has always been home to go to church on Easter, every Easter of his life (which is only 3 Easters :) ). We are not "Christmas/Easter" only church goers by nature-- we love going to our church. We don't get to go as much as we'd love to go, bc I try to keep in the loop as to what kind of sickies are going around and we sometimes just have to avoid public stuff bc of that. But we went to church- we were late, but we were there!- on Easter. My boys all looked spiffy.

Then, for the first time that I can remember, all four of us went to my mom and dad's for Easter lunch. My Mamaw was there. We got us a 4 generation picture here, folks:

Ridge doesn't have chiclet teeth- that's a laffy taffy. And that is, in fact, my dad, and his goatee.

The day before Easter, Ridge turned 2. He had an Elmo cake. He liked it.

Good thing he was able to take a bath that night.

He also got to color Easter Eggs with the older child.

All broken Easter eggs were courtesy of the Ridger himself.

So...what else? Well we made some homemade laundry soap yesterday. It is "he" friendly and economical to boot. I buy laundry bar soap online from www.goatmilkstuff.com, but you can buy other brands cheaper at your local grocer (sometimes). You can pretty much make a batch of this (5 gallons is 2x concentrated, so it actually makes 10 gallons) for around $4! Recipe here: http://www.duggarfamily.com/recipes.html. For top loaders, it makes around 200 loads worth, for front loaders, I think it's closer to 700 loads worth. Ridiculous! I hadn't ever made the liquid, but before we got our "he" machine, I always made the powder and loved it. Now we have the soap dispenser compartment, so the powder doesn't go through as well.

And finally, I blogged about couponing a few weeks ago. If you are friends with me on FB, you know I'm crazy about this hobby....but since some of you who read this probably don't have a FB, or don't know me in real life, or for whatever reason we aren't FB buds, here are some pics:

This was my grocery trip this morning, to Homeland. Homeland is expensive. They have great sales, especially if you coupon. The above cost me about $22 today. I saved $49.62. I only bought things that were on sale AND i had coupons for. (except the eggs and milk)

This is my trip to Walgreen's yesterday. I spent $3.70. We usually cloth diaper, but you can't beat $3.70 for all that. I had coupons, there was a sale on some of it, and I had a Register Reward (it is a receipt that some items give at checkout-- it works like a credit or giftcard towards your next purchase).

This is a trip to United, in my parents' town. Spent $9.04, Saved a little over $15. These items were all on sale or clearance, except for the zest and the beans, and I had coupons for everything, except the beans.

This was at Walgreen's in my parents' town. I spent $24 (yuck) and saved $26.

This is at CVS. I spent around $11. I saved about $21 (drugstores are other places that are ridiculous if you don't shop sales and with coupons. but usually they have rewards bucks back which work like credits towards your next purchase. nothing in this picture had any extra bucks back, though :) ).

So...yep, for us, couponing has become a way of life, and saves us a ton of money.

two entire years

2011-04-23T00:09:00.001-05:00

It's kind of impossible for me to fathom that two years ago, I tucked my at-that-time only child into bed for the last night he could be called an only child. I guess he never really was an only child, we always knew we'd have more...so I suppose it was the last night I tucked my firstborn into bed as my only son. Because two years ago, about 6 hours from this moment, BDawg and I trucked it to the hospital, where Ridge was born approximately 6 hours later. So about 12 hours from now, two years ago, I became a momma for the second time. To this beautiful creature (photos here courtesy of my talented friend, KZ):

We had no idea what this tiny thing (okay, not so tiny- almost 9 lbs) had in store for us. Soon we went from all that baby bliss you see above to a whole new ballgame of hospitals, transfusions, unknowns, incredibly uncomfortable sleeping arrangements, disgusting showers, learning a new language, one income, lots of tears, lots more prayers than tears, fear, faith, anger, gratitude, education, advocation (that isn't a word i don't think...). The "baby" times were sort of stolen away from us. Oh don't get me wrong, I'm soaking them up now, little boy, even if you are two years old. You still get to sleep in bed with me, and sometimes I hold you through your entire nap just so I can smell your hair. I know. Because you scared us there for a while, baby boy. We didn't know if we'd see you turn 6 months old...but you did.

And after that, you still had some scary days. And we still lived in the hospital. You got to come home for your first Christmas, if only for a couple days before having to head back to the hospital for awhile.

You were still on a lot of meds then. A lot. Continuous IV infusion of Octreotide, oral steroids, oral carafate, oral prevacid, oral liquid vitamins, oral liquid vit D, oral amicar. A lot.

Time drew closer to your first birthday, which you spent in the hospital.

You didn't care. You didn't really know your house as "home" yet anyway. So you were plenty happy there. And sick as a dog. I never want to go back to those days-- I appreciate them for what they were, and for the lessons God has taught me, but I don't want to ever have to go through them again. That is a place that I will walk through again only if I must...and only by the grace of God. After you turned one, just as we were told by the doctors you would, you did start to get some better. By the time you were 18 mos old, we were starting to be home quite a bit more. You did spend Halloween in the hospital, but only for a few days before and a little of the day of. We got to be home to Trick or Treat.

You got to learn to brush your own teeth, at home...you got to spend your second Christmas, the entire Christmas break!, at home...

And even though you look ridiculous in that picture with the tree- you were so full of joy and delight, and while we missed some of the baby baby things with you, we cherish all the other moments so much more- when you finally started crawling and had to pull that stupid flipping dumb pump around behind you....you are so strong. When you started walking, which is something I was afraid you'd never do....When you learned to talk...a little...even now, when you learn a new word...every single word is precious to our ears and we smile and laugh every time you say a new word. Right now, the night before you turn 2 years old...you can say, "mama, nana, ssss (yes), mo (more), doctor (not this clearly...but the way you say it does not translate appropriately into the written language), elmo" and you can sign "please, thank you, more, no, eat, drink"...we think you have uttered "daddy" and "thank you" but not repeatedly. you shake your head a lot for "no"...you dance like a crazy person. you love to laugh and squeal. you are mean. you hit a lot because you can't fully communicate yet. you get sent to time out and you cry and cry. you have pretty much all of your teeth. this past week was a great big week for you.

you looked like this five days ago:

Today, you look like this:

Splashing in the tub, pool, sprinkler with your brother is just around the corner. That stupid line is out, and while it will kill me inside to hold you down if you need an IV for blood, I have a feeling your blood transfusions in the future are not many. I am not God, and I do not know all things, so if a huge bleed befalls us in the future, we will do what we need to do to save your life. But for now, you are doing excellently. You are the bravest soul I know. You are full of life, life we didn't know if we'd get to see. Life we will forever be grateful for. You are a living, breathing example of the grace of God...the hand of God in our lives. You are a reminder that He watches over us, protects us, and gives us miracles, even today. Yes, medicine (of which you are on very little now) has helped to save your life. Blood transfusion after blood transfusion has, too. But even with all of that going in your body, there were times we didn't know what to do. I have seen you, literally, at the door of death more than once- and once is one more time than any parent should live through. But today, you are here. You are happy. You are growing. You are full of joy.

You are our Ridge. And tomorrow, you turn two. An Elmo cake is waiting for you, big boy, and so are a stack of presents. Happy birthday, to my little chubby miracle. There are no right words for the love I have for you.

i'm such a joker

2011-04-16T09:51:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been alllllmost a month since my last blog post. Pathetic. It has been a whirlwind of weeks for some reason-- I'm not really sure why, but it has been so busy around here. Tball started, I'm tutoring, I've got a lot of orders/business stuff, the boys are in a fighting/disobedience phase....it's kind of just exhausting.

So here's the scoop, the news, the 411.

A) Biggest first: Monday-- as in, less than 48 hours from when I am writing this-- Ridge will get his central line out! This.Is.HUGE. He will get to take a normal bath, for the first time in almost two years. He will get to run through the sprinkler and play in a swimming pool this summer. And when he rolls around in the dirt outside, or eats spaghetti like a dumpster diver, I can just plop him in the bathtub. When he gets a fever, we won't have to take him to the ER JUST because he has a fever JUST in case it is a result of a central line infection. He will, essentially, be normal. He will, also, have to get more IVs, bc when he does need blood, we will have to get an IV. He will probably have to take oral antibiotics when he gets sick, and those have caused him to bleed in the past. This is why it will still be important that we are vigilant about keeping him as healthy as possible. But...for the normal days- the days he isn't sick and the days he doesn't need blood...he will be normal. No line, no port, no dressing, no "flushing" the line every day...none of that business. Monday is an exciting day for us- and it starts early. Our appointment is at 630 AM.

B) Ridge turns two ONE WEEK from TODAY! I can't believe it. I will post more on him and his birthday closer to the date.

C)I'm staying home again this next year since Ridge is still not vaccinated fully and thus is unable to attend public daycare. I am not sure yet what we will do with Sawyer as far as school is concerned. We are still thinking on all of that. I have officially resigned from Yukon Public Schools, hoping to apply for a position back in the district as soon as I am able to go back to work full time. In the meantime, I am considering some other options as far as furthering my education or teaching some night classes or maybe just doing whatever comes our way. We shall see.

So this was an exciting post, written in the most boring of ways, because there are two children yelling and hitting in the background, bc again, we are in a fighting phase here, and while I know they are only little once, this phase can walk out the door any time it would like...and I really don't think I'll miss it. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers ~~for my sanity~~ as surgery is upon us in the next couple of days!

just a thought...or 10

2011-03-27T16:25:00.000-05:00

I don't have a lot of direction for this post. I am just trying to post more often, for myself and my thoughts if nothing else.

We went to church today. So many good things about that. A)duh, we miss it. we love our church-- the people there. we love getting to hear God's word spoken to us by a pastor who lives what he proclaims. B)I got to visit with some of my gal pals today and when you stay home with two kids all day long and don't get out much, that is something that you desperately miss. I'm sure you girls (if you are reading this!) know how much those short conversations meant to me. So thanks for your conversation and listening ears! :) C) My boys got to get "dressed up"....meaning jeans and a nice shirt, that's about how far we take it in this house. But they looked so cute in their spiffy jeans and collared shirts and fixed hair and grey converse sneakers. So cute. D)Ridge wouldn't be quiet. Hollering, laughing, fussing...just being loud. And a friend came up to me after, she has a little boy a few months older than ridge, and asked how he was doing, and mentioned how she could hear him during the service...and our church is so open and friendly about kids being present in the service, I know no one was upset or anything by Ridge's loudness, but as a parent, you sometimes worry about that stuff and try to hush your children...but what a blessing it was when this friend said, "what a blessing! i asked my husband if he knew who it was making that sound, and she said I told him Ridge. what a blessing for him to be here and to be making that noise!" and what a blessing to me to hear those words! i know I said blessing 24678235687 times, but I don't care. it was a blessing. all of it.

So there's some update there...

Ridge is probably getting his central line out in the next couple of weeks. Big step here....that means every time we need a blood transfusion, Ridge would need an IV. that's annoying. But it's more annoying that we have this line EVERY day, and ridge can't take a bath. he can't go swimming. if he gets a fever, we go to the hospital bc his line might be infected, causing a fever. UGH. So we have decided we'd rather be inconvenienced on the days he needs blood and be "normal" on the other days, as opposed to being inconvenienced DAILY and being glad for the line only a couple times a month at most. This also means no more dressing changes, which have become weekly rituals here, and not one of us is "used" to them yet-- I hate it, Ridge hates it, I'm sure B hates it, and Sawyer doesn't like that we have to deal with them either. So good bye to those. Some people have asked why dont' we just get a port so that he has SOME type of quick access. Well, maybe we will. But not right away. We are going to try it like this. Because if we get him a port right away, and then we rarely use it, at some point, some day, we have to do surgery to get the port out. Why would I want surgery to put a port in that we might not use much, and then have to wait for surgery to get it out? I'm over that idea. Right now, we are gonna go without any line access. I don't care if it sounds stupid or brave or whatever, that's what we are doing- we are done with that line. And I'm going to believe in faith that it's gonna be just fine to not have it. And if I'm wrong, oh well, we will just get another line later. But for now, we are going to plan on living normally. Which means a lot of baths (can you imagine how much scrubbing Ridge is gonna get the first time I put him in the tub? SERIOUSLY. The kid has not had a tub bath since he was probably 2 months old! And he is almost 2 YEARS old!)

Sawyer's had two tball games. Ridge and I went to the first one but it was way too cold for Ridge at the second so we just stayed home. First game, Sawyer's team lost, second game they tied (even though they had an extra time at bat :) ). Apparently it was so cold that some of the team members were crying (not my child of course, he'd never do that, ever never ever would he be cold and want to stop playing tball. never. not a chance. if you don't taste the dripping sarcasm here, i'm telling you now that i'm being sarcastic.) So yeah...maybe one day when it is nice I will get some actual pictures for you and post them here...but for now...this little paragraph will have to do on a Sawyer update. He's usually really hilarious so I need to do better keeping tabs on things he does, bc I haven't shared that stuff in a long time.

I just ordered some new spring bulbs for my flower beds, and I have some requests for our vegetable garden this year as well. hopefully a trip to lowe's and walmart (yuck I hate walmart) will yield us some good crops this year :). I love spring time.

Uh...that's about all on the updates. I planned to write none of that and instead write a brief synopsis of some more "serious" stuff, but now that I've written all of that, I will digress until my next posting.

Have a good Sunday (or whatever day you are reading this!)