Creampuff Revolution

Creampuff Anniversary Two Electric Boogaloo

2009-11-17T07:50:19-08:00

It’s our second wedding anniversary today! Wooooooooo!

That’s right – two years ago today, me, Katr and the world’s coolest wedding cake all got gay married in Toronto.

I’d mush out on you right here and wax on about how Katr completes me, but the great thing about having a blog is that if you posted your wedding vows somewhere else online, you can just link to them! Hurray love! I still mean every word I said that night, Katr.

Since the traditional first wedding anniversary gift is paper, I assumed that the traditional second anniversary gift was plastic but apparently it’s cotton.

My first thought was that I could present Katr with a pair of my own cotton underwear - (The Beav prefers natural fibres) - but I wasn’t sure how that would be different than any other day.

So instead, I got Katr a set of mascot pins from the 2008 Olympics in Beijing! Romance!

See, one of the awesome things about being gay married – besides the playful bickering in public and how love means never having to wear pants again - is that you get to support each others’ weird obsessions. For example, my blushing bride Katr is, at the moment, obsessed with Olympic pins. I tell you guys, Olympic Fever – she haz it.

We actually went to the Olympic Superstore at the Bay this weekend to pick up a pin that she won and to do some other sundry Olympic shopping. I don’t want to reveal the extent of our purchases, but let’s just say our dog is now sleeping on a fleece mascot named MukMuk.

I know better than to mock Katr’s latest craze – it makes her extremely easy to buy for this holiday season and Sweet Lavendar Lord, she’s certainly had to deal with her fair share of crazy from me.

For instance, Katr not only fuels my yarn addiction but for this, our second wedding anniversary, she also supported my obsession with Victoriana by giving me this gorgeous necklace from CatherinetteRings on Etsy! Isn’t it pretty?

I LOVE IT.

This piece seems more suited to a fancy night out but it’s also pretty great to have something nice to wear to the Olympic store. Win!

Happy Anniversary Katr! I love you more and more every day. And so does MukMuk.

Beijing pin image from the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Online Store – don’t sue me, Olympic Store! You already have most of my money already.

Creampuff is Loud and also Queer!

2009-11-11T08:32:05-08:00

The 18th annual Loud n’ Queer Cabaret is happening THIS WEEKEND in Edmonton! That’s right – Loud n’ Queer has finally graduated to “barely legal” status! Dirty.

As usual, yours truly has a new piece in the cabaret that she won’t get to actually see. One day, Edmonton! One day I will return!

Each night is a different programme, so you should go to both! It looks like a fantastic, hilarious and very talented queer line up again this year – so if you’re kicking around Edmonton, Alberta, Canada this weekend, why not head on down to La Cité Francophone for some hot, queer action?

Here are the details:

Loud & Queer Cabaret
7:30 p.m.
At La Cité Francophone, #130, 8627 91st Street
$25 advance/$30 door, visit www.tixonthesquare.ca or call 780-420-1757
Produced by Guys in Disguise and Workshop West Theatre and is presented by Exposure: Edmonton’s Queer Arts & Culture Festival.

The longest-running queer arts showcase of its kind in western Canada, Loud & Queer is an inter-arts celebration of all that is emerging and fabulous in the world of queer culture. Hosted by the fierce and fabulous duo of Darrin Hagen and Kristy Harcourt.

Curated and directed by Darrin Hagen.

Starring Harvey Anderson, Nadien Chu, Linda Grass and Branden Martin.

Creampuff Doesn't Give Sarah Waters An Excuse to Call the Cops

2009-10-28T12:12:37-07:00

Katr surprised me with tickets to the Vancouver International Writers Festival last weekend and it was AWESOME. Because the talk she got us tickets for was Sarah Waters in conversation with Bill Richardson - two of my favourite gay authors in the SAME PLACE. JEALOUS?

I must confess that Sarah Waters' latest book, The Little Stranger, was not my bag, and not just because there were no lesbians in it. It had that air of inevitable tragedy about it that instantly makes me not care about anything that happens. Would I have cared more if there was muff-diving AND inevitable tragedy? I'd like to say "no" but let's not be coy. Muff-diving adds a lot to any work of fiction. That's why Stephen King writes so many lesbian books.

The Little Stranger was beautifully written and meticulously researched, like all of Sarah Waters work, and I enjoyed the moment-to-moment reading of it. But overall, it didn't really draw me in. And then, when it ended, I was like "Oh. Huh. Well, that's done then." - unlike when I finished Affinity, which was a totally brilliant yet totally devastating kick in the box.

But hey - that's clearly just me. Because The Little Stranger has gotten rave reviews and been nominated for fancy awards.

Back to the festival - Sarah Waters and Bill Richardson were an hilarious pair of gays. And it was really interesting to hear her discuss the inspiration behind the book and the gloomy, decaying house as a metaphor for the tectonic shifts of the class system after WWII and the decline of the great estates and I loved listening to her talk about it. Because I'm not a total hick you guys - even if I didn't like it, I could still appreciate it.

There was a book signing afterwards and I brought Fingersmith, because I have the sexy hardcover and I'm re-reading it right now anyway and it fit in my purse. (I thought it would be funny to bring a copy of Emma Donaghue's Life Mask instead, but ultimately decided that would only be funny to me.)

I always feel like a total nim-nong at book signings. I don't know that there's anything you can say to your literary idol in a 20 second encounter that won't make you sound like an idiot or encourage her call the police. Although I did tell Simon Callow at a book signing once that I was so excited to meet him I might barf. He seemed really charmed.

So anyway - I stood in line behind countless people who seemed to all be telling Sarah Waters their life story while she signed every book they owned. When it was my turn to meet Sarah Waters, I really just blushed and handed her my book and squeaked out my name and left. Because I'm a dork. But what I WANTED to tell her was this:

Back in the early part of the decade, I went to see Sarah Waters read the dirty bits from Fingersmith at Buddies with some friends. I remember that I was a little worried I'd get lost on the way there, as I was taking a new route and didn't know the neighbourhood at the time. Fortunately, as it turned out, all I had to do was follow the HUGE CROWD OF LESBIANS leaving the subway station and join them as they streamed across the parking lot and down the alley to the theatre.

One of the audience questions that night was "What are you reading these days?" I forget the name of the book, but I remember Sarah Waters saying that she hadn't finished the book yet because her girlfriend had given it to her on their first date and she was afraid that if she finished the book, then the relationship would somehow also be over. It was unbearably cute.

I was totally taken by this idea and thought that giving someone a book on the first date was a keen thing to do. So when I met Katr for our first date, I stole Sarah Waters' girlfriend's idea and brought Katr a copy of Waiting for Gertrude by ... Bill Richardson! The same Bill Richardson who interviewed Sarah Waters on Saturday afternoon!! DO YOU SEE THE CONNECTION? Isn't that AWESOME??

Anyway, Sarah Waters - that's the creepy fan story I wanted to tell you on Saturday. Now you know.

Creampuff is So Not Ready for October

2009-10-05T15:56:32-07:00

1. Pink for October!

2. How is it October? Seriously - one minute ago it was July. Holy fucking shit.

3. The only reason I know it's October and not July is that I can't go anywhere these days without getting a pumpkin scone in the face. And by "getting a pumpkin scone in the face", I mean "buying and consuming a pumpkin scone at every possible opportunity."

4. I feel very behind on reporting the minutiae of my day-to-day life. Here are a few highlights:

I found a lump under my arm last month. Clearly it was a huge tumor and I was going to die. Histrionics aside, I borrowed some courage from the extraordinary and eloquent zoom and her recent experience with breast cancer and went to the doctor.

She felt me up. I held my breath. Diagnosis? An ingrown hair. HA ha! She drew me a very scientific ingrown hair diagram as I giggled with relief. Then she prescribed me some topical ointment that cost a million dollars. It worked like a charm! And I still have almost all of it left. So hey - if you have a bad rash and live in Vancouver, let me know and I can hook you up with this cream.

My friend Jeba sent me a magnet with a cartoon drawing of anal beads on it. The accompanying card said "What's up your ass?" JEALOUS? Here is a photo:

The internet is magic! Obviously I knew this already - I met Katr on the internet, for one thing, and there was also the time the Edmonton Public Library tweeted me about a book called Ultimate Porno. But last week, internet magic struck again when an old colleague of mine, MK, interviewed me for her theatre blog, One Big Umbrella.

In the interview, I cheekily told her that I had long felt that my latest full-length work should be produced at the Shaw Festival (which, if you are unfamiliar with Shaw, is a fairly lofty ambition - a little "out of my league", one might say, if one wanted to be "brutally honest" but also a little "douche-y"). I suggested Shaw should "give me a call".

The next day, I got an email from the Shaw Festival and the subject line was "Gay lady theatre". HAHAHAHAAAA!!

It turns out that I actually know the lovely literary manager at Shaw and she told me that if I thought my play was "right for Shaw" I could send it her way. So on Friday, I totally did.

Now, I'm not completely delusional. Just because there was a little internet magic doesn't mean that anything will come of this and just because *I* think my play is perfect for Shaw doesn't mean it is...except OMG, IT TOTALLY IS. Just do it, Shaw!

5. Why did I start this list in the first place? You know what, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that it's time for another pumpkin spice latte and Starbucks does not deliver. Nor will they strap your drink to your dog, even if you call ahead and tell them the dog is coming.

Creampuff Offers Girl on Girl Action

2009-09-18T08:59:45-07:00

I promised I wouldn't shove my webseries, Seeking Simone, down your throats because those of you who care probably already follow the other blog or the Twitter or the Facebook and those of you who don't care...DON'T and I respect that.

But I did promise a few interested parties that when the episodes progressed from mere "talky-talky" to a little girl-on-girl action, I would post it here. You know, to save you all the trouble of watching the other tiresome girl-on-girl-free episodes. Also, this episode contains donuts, which obligates me to post it on my own blog. I don't WANT to, people - I HAVE to.

You're welcome.

Creampuff Reads It Again

2009-09-14T17:59:00-07:00

I went to the Vancouver Fringe yesterday with an old friend, Meha ("old" in the "I have known her for several years" sense, not "elderly") and we got to talking about books. Strangely, we were both reading historical fiction books, but while Meha was reading new and exciting books, I was forced to admit I was actually re-reading books I've already read. Pope Joan, Life Mask, Creation - an historical fiction greatest hits, if you will. Which doesn't seem like that big a deal, but I've already read these books several times and it's a little embarrassing.

I think it's partly that I enjoy the familiar and fear change, but also partly because of shit like this:

Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett There were many interesting things about this book and from a historical research perspective, it was super, super cool. But there was a lot of rape (haha - not my fave) and the good guys in the book basically get kicked in the nards OVER and OVER until the last four pages or so. And it's, like, an 800 page book. Thanks, Ken.

The Other Queen by Phillippa Gregory It takes a great author to make you wonder if a story you already know - in this case, the story of Mary, Queen of Scots - might end differently. But of course it doesn't end differently because it's history and really, you're just watching Mary, Queen of Scots, pull one dipshit move after another and ruining the life of the one character who's got her shit together. Smooth move, Queen of Scots.

The Thrall's Tale by Judith Lindbergh I bought this book because there were three chicks on the cover and I thought it might be a Norse girl-power kind of deal. It wasn't. The main character gets all raped and stuff and then the daughter she has is all evil and screws everyone over. Basically, everyone gets kicked right in the box. Vikings!

I'm not saying that I won't read books where bad things happen to good people. That would be stupid. But I'm certainly drawn to books where adversity is overcome - where there is redemption of some kind - where despair does not actually win - where people manage to get their shit together and move on. Life-affirming books, shall we say.

So I'm looking for some new books. Obviously I enjoy a little historical fiction and, as some of you may know, I'm a gay and like things that are gay. But I'm happy to read non-gay, non-historical books! So please - PLEASE - leave the name of your latest favourite book in the comments and help a creampuff out. Because once I'm finished this latest round, it's back to Anne of Green Gables again and we all know where that leads.

Claimed by the Sea

2009-08-23T16:29:17-07:00

I'm back from my uncle's funeral and it was everything I thought it would be: tremendously sad, unspeakably hilarious and ultimately uplifting.

It was so great to hear everyone's funny, touching stories about him and to meet so many of the people who loved him and we all of us laughed like crazy and wept like little girls and drank a little and got a little loud and talked about how great the memorial service was and planned all of our own funerals.

I'm going to have to take some notes later to remember what specific kind of sausage one of my aunts would like at her wake and which of my 16 cousins would like an open casket and a large fake mustache.

All in all, it was pretty sweet and I'm so glad I got to be there with my family.

Also, no one else has died in the interim so...SCORE!

After all the festivities and a long journey there and back, it was also pretty sweet to remember that hey! We're on vacation! At the end of it all, I got rejoin Katr and our pooch at the beach cabin we'd rented for 10 days!

I'd say we had four main expectations when we booked the cabin:

1. That the house would be modern and comfortable.

2. That we'd be close to town so that we could go exploring.

3. That I could let the dog run free on the beach for hours at a time, like doggy BayWatch.

4. We could swim.

For 99% of humans, all of these expectations would be met by this cabin. For fatties with a fussy dog, however...

Well, the cabin is beautiful - it looks like it's out of a magazine and it's right on the water. There's a big kitchen that's a delight to cook in, a well-appointed bathroom, a comfortable living room area, a TV & DVD and wifi. Basically, it's exactly as advertised and looks just like the pictures.

What the pictures don't show you is that:

1. Our dog is a princess whose tender city-dog paws can barely handle the rocky shore, to the point where she refuses to leave the yard around the house.

2. The beach is rocky - the closer you get to the water, the bigger the rocks. These rocks shift under your feet and make it difficult to walk. But when the tide is low, you can brave a few meters of rocks and then walk along the sand! Except I can't, because if you are a heavy person, you will sink into the sand up to your mid-thighs and get stuck there, bleating for help as your useless dog scampers up towards some neighbour's lawn. If you can free yourself by falling forward and clawing your way to the safety of the rocks, you may survive. If you can't, you will be claimed by the inexorable advance of the sea.

3. There were a lot of steep, oddly slanted stairs to get down from the car to the cabin. We didn't know this ahead of time and we packed like we were headed to the Yukon. We were both sure we were having heart attacks by the time we'd brought all of our stuff down to the cabin. And then the idea of going up the stairs again to LEAVE the house to drive around or go grocery shopping seemed like an insurmountable task. I KNOW THAT THIS IS JUST US. And that we are pussies. So zip it.

So as it turns out, it's awesome that the cabin itself is so lovely, because we're spending all of our time essentially trapped in here. Eschewing pants. "Relaxing". If you know what I mean. And I think that you do.