Create Radiance

This Mindful Recovery

2011-04-07T12:56:00.000-07:00

Springtime is the season where we are processing anger. It is a time when the body is wanting to leap up after a winter's rest, and for some of us that may come with resistance. The anger is responsible for detoxification, and the alternative mode is harboring anger, guilt, overwhelming emotions and feeling "stuck in a rut". The way out? Is through the feelings, practicing a more mindful life and living a delicate balance to achieve serenity.

In my personal struggle with my weight, as well as in the work I do with others, mindfulness is a key factor in my daily recovery. If I am not mindful, if I take my mind off of my intention to be healthy and happy, to feel better every day - then I go overboard and want to check out. This is in opposition to waking up. Mindfulness is waking up to the moment, to the resistance, to the tension. Moving through it by breathing into sensation in order to become present to what is. Mindfulness can only be practiced in the here and now, and doing so leads to a deeper and more meaningful existence. Imagine yourself making contact with the ground and then try to make contact with the ground. Does the imagining feel less severe and perhaps more effortless?

Mindfulness is a way, an embodiment, a personal resolution to embody. We all do so naturally when you allow yourself to enjoy doing what you are doing, such as riding a horse, eating a meal with friends, listening to a partner, digging in the dirt. The problem comes when we do what we do mindlessly, and forget the importance of making contact with the present moment. Each moment builds on the one before, and the practice of mindfulness invites a state of truth and love to emerge from within, rather than a state of doing, judging, and avoiding being, all which leads to a denial of the inner eco system.

Inside of the body there are the keys to our healing. I am convinced, after 12 years of battling food and weight, that the answer does not lie in the food I eat or how much I weigh. I can fight this all day long, by believing my mind when it tells me how awful I look, or when I think other people are judging me, to believe them. This, my friend, creates a negative thought loop which is not really true. In essence, it is meaningless information on the path to wholeness and to creating freedom from a food and weight obsession. After years of being a psychotic macrobiotic vegan, I wish I could say I know how to fix your body with food (b/c a part of me agrees), but if the mind does not believe the body is healthy as it is, then it will continue to use food to be fixed and break down, fixed and break down, again and again. I have tried this and it never works.

What is mindfulness and how can it help overcome eating disorders, food and weight obsessions, addictions and compulsions?

I taught myself to be mindful with food through one simple platform (and you can too!). It is, however a way, and there are many ways. This one works and I recommend having many philosophies around food that work for you.

Eat for the next segment of time. What you eat now will give you the juice to thrive for the afternoon, morning, night and not for the rest of your life. You can always eat again, even if that is in one hour or is not a specified meal or snack time. Does this sound overly simplistic? It may, however if you are or have ever struggled with binging or eating compulsively, you may understand that sometimes you eat for a few days in one sitting. This makes no sense, and there are ways to make sense of it, AND I recommend having ideas, patterns, intentions, motivational talks inside of your mind and body that keep you focused on the results you would like to achieve.
Chew well. This does not mean 100x per bite (however, I used to do this and it works!). Chew when you remember, and work to remember to chew as much as possible.
Eat as if in full view of others (thanks, Geneen Roth!!). Or eat as if you are surrounded by your most beloved friends and mentors. Would you stand up eating @ the refrigerator if a client or new friend came over? This works. It may also help you set the table - clear the space around you for a peaceful meal. Prevent you from watching tv or being on the computer while eating. And is practical advice for eating anywhere in the world. I don't want to eat in the car, do you?

More to come on mindfulness, for now, be here, not there, it's the only way to become who you really are and embody your potential.

Warmly,
Waller

Go Gluten Free!!!

2010-12-08T17:46:00.000-08:00

Day One of back off the gluten.

It was a yummy day.

Breakfast:
Vegan Butternut Squash (gluten free) Muffins

Lunch:
Spaghetti squash with almond pesto
Carrots, onions, broccoli arame sauteed
1 oz dark chocolate

Dinner:
Roasted squash, purple onion, garlic, carrots with green lentils, rosemary, salt
Brown rice mash with cilantro
Squash muffins...

I already feel better!!! I felt my heart was under a lot of stress today, and think it was the gluten moving through...

3 Phases of Business Development

2010-11-09T12:31:00.000-08:00

"An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea." Buddha

I have had dozens of ideas for businesses I have wanted to start. I recall my first in a 5th grade computer class--WAM Cafe. With my 2 best friends, Annie and Mimi (Waller was the W). I wasn't the most successful girl scout, but my intention always guided me to rise above what I was doing wrong according to conventional standards, which is key in running a business. THere is no room for perfection in business. You can set your standards high, make decisions from a place of integrity and form relationships based on showing up better in your work and life and follow through on commitments, but that which is overlooked, comes back to you with negative feedback or is just not right to begin with, must be brought to your awareness, taken responsibility for and then let go. Action is the only way to promote and maintain a sustainable business.

Here is a resource I found on the SCORE Nashville website:

The Idea Phase

In the back of your mind, you’ve had this germ of an idea about starting your own business. In the Idea Phase, you begin to seriously explore the possibility of actually doing it. You consider the “what-ifs” and bounce the idea off friends and family to gauge their support and to get their advice. In this phase, you start writing down your ideas and the advice from others. In this very first phase of planning, SCORE’S 3+ hour evening workshop, “How to Really Start a Business”, would be a good place to start. The workshop offers a wealth of handout material and the cost is nominal. Call the SCORE office in Nashville any weekday morning at 615-736-7621 for details.

The Feasibility Phase

Having explored the “what-ifs,” you are now ready to do some serious investigation as to whether you really should go into business. The Feasibility Phase is the “Can I really do this?” stage. At this point, you begin to ask and find answers to important business realities, such as:

! Where should I locate my business; what would it cost to be here or there?
! Is anyone else in the area in the same business; how can I compete successfully?
! What type of equipment/supplies do I need; how much would they cost?
! If I want to open a home-based business, do I need a license; are there any restrictions
prohibiting a home-based business in my neighborhood?
! Do I need financing? If yes, where do I start?

The Business Plan Phase

A business plan is a written document that describes your business in enough detail to focus your efforts and demonstrate to others, including your prospective investors or lenders, the serious thought and planning that have been going on in the first two phases. The business plan is the “can do!” document. A business plan is required to obtain start-up business loans.

Juice Fast, Yo!

2010-09-27T06:55:00.000-07:00

Times they are a changing. It's fall, so quickly the air is becoming breezy, much more so in the past few weeks. We were getting worried around here in Nashville that perhaps fall may not be available to us this year, since the planet has tilted so much, that maybe we just have HOT and then COLD. Regardless, we are in the in-between phase as of now and it feels rather nice.

I also have noticed a bit of a shift in my appetite. I went from not so much to all at once. Coming back into balance for me usually involves a bit of a stretch in the opposite direction. So, this day marks day one of a juice fast for moi. Day one of who knows, going for 3 days, but you will be the first to hear when I decide to make a change for some whoel foods.

Breakfast Juice:
4 carrots
3 scallions
1/2 cup cilantro
3 drops stevia
Oh, yum! Rather nice. I was not too hungry (strange for me!), because I ate pretty late last night, but this is enough to satisfy my belly for a morning of fun work on my biz!! (;

Stretch Your Money Maker

2010-08-30T06:32:00.000-07:00

I have lived at many different economic levels. I grew up in an affluent family, with a dad as a financier and a mother who knew how to manage money. My dad graduated from Harvard Business School and went on the achieve massive success. He was known as the "talking wallet" when I grew up because he literally would finance anyone who had a dream.

I have lived in Africa with the Masai, in the bush of Australia, in many cities and towns around the US and world with and without comfort. My most usual furniture has been yoga blocks and bolsters and where other people would walk into my house cringing, I never quite understood.

Until recently, when my body started to fill up and life started to expand, I never could appreciate luxury or comfort. I would have preferred--and felt like I deserved--to sleep on the floor. This makes no sense, but I understand it fully now. Just as having self esteem is an energetic alignment with what makes us stand tall, appreciate and be able to give and receive to that which brings life into the world, money too is an energy that creates or prohibits life from flowing through us. I have done just about every experiment in the book to try to prevent money from coming into my life, and I can recognize these patterns come from deep-seeded unworthiness. Perhaps I was afraid of feeling holier than thou, but that is beside the point. Illusions don't really count here. Metaphors do.

Here is what I have learned about money that are universal laws. I do not recommend trying to disprove them at home.
1--Money has to be believed in and felt before we can attract it. In other words, we must visualize having the money so we can open our energy up to receive it.
2--Money does bring happiness. Imagine yourself making twice or 3 times as much as you are now. What would you do with the money? Some things that money allows us to do: see the world, learn, pay off debt, live in a home of our choosing or creation, eat well, support causes which are dear to our hearts, make the world a better place.
3--Money opens our minds. If you had 10x as much money as you do now, what would you do with it? For some people, working an 8 hour daily job works for what they need. If this is the case for you, and you were bought 2 years off work, what would you do? More than likely, not sit around. You may go and try new things, travel to a foreign country, learn something new.
4--Money MUST be appreciated to stay with you. I have put myself through hell living in shabby places, and then moved, gone on vacation or gone to stay with a friend or family member who lives in luxury. I notice the impact of feeling grateful for having space and freedom has on my ability to believe in my power to attract the money necessary to create the kind of life that inspires me to live. Taking money for granted will never ever serve you. There is no such thing as a free lunch!
5--Money is an inside job. There are so many conversations we have about money internally. You may see a fancy car and think money. You may see something that turns you on and think never, but what would a healthier relationship be to something you want? Here are some examples:
Wouldn't it be nice if....
How much would I need to make to buy a new dress?
What do I really want out of life?

I have created some structures in my coaching practice to help clients achieve massive success and stretch their money maker. It takes a lot of energy to change, but once you learn certain principles about how we are all able to make the money we need to support the lifestyle we want, you can move ahead calm and carry on to create wealth in all areas of your life.

Go Vegan!

2010-08-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

Ooooh. Join me as I get back on the road again to radiant health. The past 14 months have been horrible on my health. Filled with sugarplum fairies in the middle of the night, frittatas, overload of mayonnaise and breaded buttery oomph, this trial period has been one we would like to put on the shelf and can as ashes to never be given away to anyone and be spread only across the narliest of landfills.

This was one woman's account of journeying away from macrobiotics and the psychro-myoptic lifestyle that lethal control over the amount of sea vegetables consumed does to one's bite sized belly, and the after math of discovering a playground beyond that which she knows works to balance the brain chemistry of a nearly manic princess with a sleep disorder called n.e.s (do not worry, you don't have it!). So, please, wonder not what those letters stand for and read on, my friend, only if you would like to hear how not to eat, pleeeeease!

I promise I will leave a gift at the end of the story. The story will be the present, but if you make it through, you might find there is a lovely lady waiting by the rainbow's edge to dish out delicious delights of vegan chocolate, entrees, side dishes and the best part ever, never having to eat animal food or gluten again!

Woosh. This has been a long struggle, but I thank God for reminding me today that I don't have to play with my food or let my food play with my mind like this ever again. It sucks feeling trapped in the cycle of messed up and mess myself up even more, though now that I am informed as to what causes the bubble around my heart, I can start to unravel the knot and thank you, CREATE RADIANCE IN THE KITCHEN!

So sad to say that you will have to wait until tomorrow to receive your first gift. It is a wonderful, magnificent, invitation to come to heaven with me. It's just down the street, over night, into the land of the Vegan goddesses. I might bring some of them on here to share their stories of bright and meaningful recovery of their radiant goddess energy.

Sing me a song or read me a line of your favorite haiku, I would love to hear it from you!
Email me@ waller@createradiance.com

Once more, a vegan and committed to you that's what I'm saying, I never thought it would be so necessary to declare it, but my name is Waller and when I give you the gift of a new life tomorrow, I will officially be...a VEGAN!

Love, Peace, and Vegan Chocolate,
Waller

Might I add a side note? Just thinking,m after eating a bowl of brown rice and olive oil and feeling my heart beat again, about the distinction between whole, mother earth-loaded kind veggies versus packaged, wheat/corn syrup, cheesy/ crunchy pockets of air and gas and what option 1 creates in the body versus option 2. Let's start with option 2. For me? Easy answer. No sex drive (fairmones literally float away and men stay far away), flabby belly, gas and it's nemesis the d-word, disgusting sleep habits and well, we'll save the best for last, a couch sentence when I am in the final stretch of my 20's and finding a partner to get through with me to the hill is a priority of my heart, but obviously, when I am eating gas pockets, the counter parts to my not-so recent reverse vegan goddess exploration does everything but draw the gods to me: it makes me look pregnant so they stay far, far away.
Option 1: hmm. flat belly, gentle digestion, super efficient, brainiac, goddessly powerful, on and naturally and authentically KIND.

Thanks for listening!

Going Back Gluten and Dairy Free

2010-08-01T14:39:00.000-07:00

Why? Why am I charting my course to wellness? First I will start by saying what I am dealing with that is directly connected with my diet.

For the past year, I have added in dairy, gluten, sugar and many fatty foods in large doses. Before, I was thin and felt awesome. I had great energy to move around, slept like a little baby and looked gorgeous. A part of me became interested in maintaining my inner world while eating whatever whenever. This did not work. Well, it kept me alive. I could be a 2 year old and still survive, but I was miserable. I was not fully being responsible for my life. I paid bills late, my car was disgusting and I started to feel awful about myself.

So I ended up in this place of confusion and turmoil. In order to save my sanity, I had to allow myself to be there. I convinced myself I was ok even though I felt worse than ever inside.

I am tying these symptoms to my diet because my diet changed drastically to accomodate my feeling so bad about myself. The items I added in include: gluten, dairy and sugar. The attitude I added in is: unworthiness and chaos. The behavior is eating as much as I want anytime, which for the most part meant the middle of the night.

I progressively have felt worse every day in the past year and a couple months. I believe recovery is possible, so I would like to share with you what I know works.

My current symptoms:

BLOATED belly

Plantar warts on hands

gassy

diarrhea

mental fog

confusion

depression

cravings

I hear that these are awful, but sometimes I do not recall them when it comes time to eat. What is it going to take to get over this? A lot of self love.

So I am writing a book about my recovery and will share parts of it with you here...

Thanks for listening!

xox

Waller

Hormone Replacement Therapy

2010-08-01T06:35:00.001-07:00

So my doctor has put me on hormones. 29 years old and stressed to the max, he thinks my hormones are a bit imbalanced. I would like to agree. And I agree fully that we are made up of energy regulating hormones which is constantly shifting. Stress mode can cause these hormones to come with us and start to tear our body down where they are supposed to work with us to feed and nourish our bones and body for radiant well being.

Progesterone is known as the happy hormone. It is the feel good hormone which comes through to calm a woman down prior to her cycle. I am on day 2 of taking it and feel calm, yet my sleep is still hurting. I will check back in with more later!

Gluten Free, Please!!!

2010-07-02T22:01:00.003-07:00

A couple of years ago I was going through a very intense health crisis. My weight had been well below normal for many years, I had no sign of a menstrual cycle in 6.5 years and I was about to go insane because I was so hungry all of the time and my body seemed to be eating itself. Not sure where the food was going!

I ran into an ex-boyfriend who, when we were together, we were digestively distressed. Not sure who was more so, but I was fully bulimic at the time, so much so that I did not notice his issues, and he did not see mine. Together, we were a perfect pair. He had moved around a bit like I, until he was in Washington becoming a politician, but his tummy would not have it. He tested positive for celiac, made the decision to give up gluten and BAM! Weight came on and wellness followed. He was my personal hero for committing to a healthy lifestyle. His reason was to never have to struggle as he did when he ate gluten, but I would say super courageous for being a macho man and sticking with a gluten free diet--which can be known as a hippy or health nut thing to do.

My symptoms looked a lot like his. I decided to follow him in the gluten free initiative and was amazed at how many of my symptoms cleared up. The most notable was my blood sugar balancing, weight stabilizing, period came back within a matter of months and anxiety decreased drastically. I never found out for sure if I was celiac, but the blood tests showed obvious signs of gluten intolerance (IgG panel very low). I gave up gluten and felt clear and not hungry all of the time. I promise my depression went from a 9.5 to a 2.

Recently, I moved in with roommates. They eat as normal as a 16 year old. There is plenty of bread and crackers and dumplings and casseroles around the house. There is also no excuse for me indulging in their food, but I have been. It has not been fun or pretty. My symptoms have come back, in a rare form this time.

*itching like I am constantly being attacked by fire ants (it's not fun!!!)
*blood sugar out of whack is causing my SEVERE anxiety
*fogginess, takes me 12 times the effort to do homework and pay bills

I am getting back on the gluten free wagon. I will write more about my "de-sludging" symptoms. Mostly, about how grateful I am for having recognized what I need. Commitment is a word that needs clear definition in my life. I can force myself to do something for a while, then give up only to realize I was trying and not committed. This is going to take a serious deep commitment, almost as if I am married to my gluten free lifestyle.

Some things that helped me in the past were to:
*Make delicious gluten free food
*Read, read, read other people's stories and successes of gluten free living
*Connect with other Gluten Free people
*Comment on Gluten Free blogsites
*Find Gluten free recipe sites

Questions/comments/issues about this post? Make a comment! I'd love to hear our experience of being on or off gluten, or if this brings up something you may recognize in your own life.

Take good care.

Warmly,
Waller

Gluten Free, Please!!!

2010-07-02T22:01:00.001-07:00

A couple of years ago I was going through a very intense health crisis. My weight had been well below normal for many years, I had no sign of a menstrual cycle in 6.5 years and I was about to go insane because I was so hungry all of the time and my body seemed to be eating itself. Not sure where the food was going!

I ran into an ex-boyfriend who, when we were together, we were digestively distressed. Not sure who was more so, but I was fully bulimic at the time, so much so that I did not notice his issues, and he did not see mine. Together, we were a perfect pair. He had moved around a bit like I, until he was in Washington becoming a politician, but his tummy would not have it. He tested positive for celiac, made the decision to give up gluten and BAM! Weight came on and wellness followed. He was my personal hero for committing to a healthy lifestyle. His reason was to never have to struggle as he did when he ate gluten, but I would say super courageous for being a macho man and sticking with a gluten free diet--which can be known as a hippy or health nut thing to do.

My symptoms looked a lot like his. I decided to follow him in the gluten free initiative and was amazed at how many of my symptoms cleared up. The most notable was my blood sugar balancing, weight stabilizing, period came back within a matter of months and anxiety decreased drastically. I never found out for sure if I was celiac, but the blood tests showed obvious signs of gluten intolerance (IgG panel very low). I gave up gluten and felt clear and not hungry all of the time. I promise my depression went from a 9.5 to a 2.

Recently, I moved in with roommates. They eat as normal as a 16 year old. There is plenty of bread and crackers and dumplings and casseroles around the house. There is also no excuse for me indulging in their food, but I have been. It has not been fun or pretty. My symptoms have come back, in a rare form this time.

*itching like I am constantly being attacked by fire ants (it's not fun!!!)
*sleeping with food--eating @ night when i cannot sleep
*blood sugar out of whack is causing my SEVERE anxiety
*fogginess, takes me 12 times the effort to do homework and pay bills

I am getting back on the gluten free wagon. I will write more about my "de-sludging" symptoms. Mostly, about how grateful I am for having recognized what I need. Commitment is a word that needs clear definition in my life. I can force myself to do something for a while, then give up only to realize I was trying and not committed. This is going to take a serious deep commitment, almost as if I am married to my gluten free lifestyle.

Some things that helped me in the past were to:
*Make delicious gluten free food
*Read, read, read other people's stories and successes of gluten free living
*Connect with other Gluten Free people
*Comment on Gluten Free blogsites
*Find Gluten free recipe sites

Questions/comments/issues about this post? Make a comment! I'd love to hear our experience of being on or off gluten, or if this brings up something you may recognize in your own life.

Take good care.

Warmly,
Waller

Blessing of Self

2010-04-24T07:45:00.000-07:00

Saint Francis and the Sow

by Galway Kinnell

The bud

stands for all things,

even for those things that don’t flower,

for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;

though sometimes it is necessary

to reteach a thing its loveliness,

to put a hand on its brow

of the flower

and retell it in words and in touch

it is lovely

until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing;

as Saint Francis

put his hand on the creased forehead

of the sow, and told her in words and in touch

blessings of earth on the sow, and the sow

began remembering all down her thick length,

from the earthen snout all the way

through the fodder and slops to the spiritual curl of the tail,

from the hard spininess spiked out from the spine

down through the great broken heart

to the sheer blue milken dreaminess spurting and shuddering

from the fourteen teats into the fourteen mouths sucking and blowing beneath them:

the long, perfect loveliness of sow.

This is one of my favorite poems. Years ago, I was at a young person's silent meditation retreat at Spirit Rock in Northern California and the teacher shared this poem with us. We were able to converse the first evening over dinner before going into silence. I remember making heart-centered connections with some new friends. Especially the men, I recall feeling comfortable and seen by everyone at dinner that night. And then we went into 10 days of silence. I was sort of comfortable in that I live a lot of my life in silence, yet frighteningly not so in that I wanted to know the people I made eye contact with on that first night. I developed what could be called: a lust for the feet of others that week. I was certainly ok in my aloneness, but felt a sense of urgency to connect with the others who were going within.

I feel so in life that it is vital we are connecting from that place of a quiet mind. I am extremely grateful for the heart-centered relationships in my life. I went to a play last night with my Dad about Mark Twain as a rockstar. (dressed as Elvis--it was a musical highlighting his rebellion and the impact his teachings had on the time and century). Afterwards, I was sharing with my dad about a book I am writing, and specifically about a chapter called the Secret Garden, inspiring readers to get in the kitchen cooking by setting up the kitchen as if it were your secret garden. This quote starts out the chapter:
“I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us. Didn't your father ever tell you that? Didn't he?” — Frances Hodgson Burnett

The chapter goes into how we all need to feel loved, to feel special. Sometimes we cannot give it all to ourselves if we are not allowing ourselves to receive from the outside world.
What are you doing today to give of yourself? What are you doing to recieve? Do your relationships support a balanced way of being? If not, if you feel like you are constantly offering kindness and not being heard or held by those you love, perhaps it is time to sit back and allow yourself to recieve the gifts from the Divine. Rest in your heart center and listen to what is really important to you. Feel from the place and listen to what is being told through you. This life is a story you are creating, a dream that is being lived through you. We can surrender the struggle and open ourselves up to living a balanced, blessed life, as if in full view of others and certainly with friends who adore us. Allow yourself to be adored. Allow yourself to give to that which you adore. And become that which you know yourself to be. Loving and kind, generous and forgiving, with an authentic smile as if to say: I am home and all is well.

Much love,
Waller

The Struggle is the Blessing

2010-04-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

Today I heard streaming through my mind: Every time I try to be that which I am not, I get hurt. Sometimes I notice myself being more than I am just so I can think I am somebody who really is nobody. When my actions leave an echo, I always know that what I just did was not from my authentic self.

This perhaps is a calling to get quiet. I notice my mind is mad lately since I have been working on a book and my mind feels slightly full and overwhelmed especially today. Where has my meditation practice gone? It seems like it has been replaced with eating as much fruit as one should be allowed in a week to see if I can gather some information beyond my normal comfort zone. This should not take a few extra apples or bananas in a day. I think I’d rather get back to meditating. There is less of a stretch in the abdomen, well there is with breath, but not so much, you know what I mean!

Also, I miss the flow that meditation provides. I have found lately a bit of stagnation in some of my relationships. Especially my primary ones, and it breaks my heart to know that I am indeed causing a less than harmonious vibe between us. But, at the same time, if only the whole world came together only after we had been on the cushion, with an open mind and heart for at least 20 minutes a day! Imagine a world with no wars in the family or beyond, where it was always ok to be where you are and people weren’t fighting to be somebody or somewhere else!

Are you struggling right now with an issue? A good way to be present and go within to find what you need to shift is to get quiet, relax all the muscles within, starting at the feet and moving upwards, and then ask yourself:

How am I contributing to this problem?
What do I need to know right now that can ease my mind?
What do I need to change?

Be very quiet. Listen for the answer. Your body will share with you exactly what needs to shift.
Take this process with you and practice when the road gets blocked or your vision becomes blurry. Hopefully it is not now, but know that there is always a solution to what seems like a problem. What if it were just an invitation to go inwards, be very quiet and get to know your authentic self.

Much love,
Waller

Metamorphizing

2010-04-19T12:06:00.000-07:00

Change is on the horizon. Change is not comfortable, nor is life ever stagnant. Perhaps we could like it to be, when we are presented with a moment of wonder, a meal spent with a friend in which we wish we could stick in a bottle and savour it forever, or a really good story in a good book that leaves us lost in the moment. All of these opportunities become memories which ultimately make up our experience. All the rest, the in between zones, when we are not exactly where we want to be, and uncomfortable enough to recognize that we are so much more than who we think we are, make up who we become.

We are in an exciting time in which people are letting go left and right and leaping fearlessly into the unknown. Some are honoring a calling and soaring in a direction that makes no sense, but that stretches the limits of a past paradigm. Many are feeling the need to come together and some as always are going further away from who they ever wanted to be, yet with a knowing they still have it in them. Soon, we will all know that we have it in us to believe, and that the rest is just history.

What is under your skin that reminds you of the gift you are to the planet at this time? Who you are is not necessarily who you are meant to be. What you do is relevant in that we become that which we give ourselves to, so offering our hearts up to a cause that is greater than ourselves will benefit us and our community and ultimately planet in the long run of this thing called life.

I have recently moved to a new place and decided to make myself a home. At the same time, a good friend reminded me that the home of the spirit is within. I agree fully, and so in creating my home, I am doing so in honor of my spirit surrendering to the fact that everything is temporary and we need not fear change. Change is great in moderation, but truly allowing ourselves to be in the journey is the real juice. Sometimes we need to explore being so far out of our comfort zone in order to surrender to being still and accepting of what is. How are you doing in the process of change? Are you loving what is, understanding it is only temporary? Are you simplifying your life in order that you let yourself live freely and change gracefully?

Much of my personal inspiration comes from having moved at least 28 times in the last 10 years. I am not kidding! I have travelled around the world, bounced back and forth from the east to the west coast, north and south looking for the perfect place to be. I have meditated on mountain tops, practiced yoga on secluded beaches, scuba dove in wild seas, chased by a herd of elephants, climbed the highest mountains in Kenya and Australia, and wind surfed in Somalia. All of this was fun, but the real fun started to happen when it started to become necessary to practice being present, noticing my feelings and be fully in the here and now. I surrendered to not needing to go out there to live a large life. That in here, by taking extremely good care of ourselves and smile because today is the best day ever, that we am blessed beyond belief.

I hope you are enjoying the best day ever!
Much Love,
Waller

Recover Your Radiance

2010-03-25T14:05:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to be working on a new ebook called Recover Your Radiance: Transform Your Story to Reform the World. Recover Your Radiance is a guidebook along the road of transition where there are no mistakes, but learning curves which offer an invitation to grow beyond our comfort zone by embracing change and moving forward into possibility. My experience of recovering from anorexia, bulimia and severe depression and anxiety which nearly took my life taught me many things about the process of transformation. After years of witnessing myself caught in a story of my own creation, I committed myself to breaking apart the lies I told myself which kept me sick.

Recover Your Radiance will guide you through a proven and workable method of uncovering resistance, discovering your authentic self and recovering your birthright: wealth, happiness and radiant well being.

The book offers processes to balance the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of life which work together to create our authenticity. Socrates said: "The unexamined life is not worth living." And who are you to think that you are less than your potential?

We all walk around with voices inside that hold us back, that try to tear us down, or that build us up to the point of keeping us separate and unaware of the truth of our existence. Hanging out in the place of knowing blocks us from learning, yet not knowing can keep us from taking action that aligns with our values. Recover Your Radiance tears apart what you may not even notice is keeping you stuck by acknowledging the brokenness, the sick and dark parts of ourselves which keep us in hiding until we are forced to let them go.
1. Let Go
2. Define the Breakdown
3. Envision Your Gift
4. Clarify Your Vision
5. Explore the Newness of Life
6. Recover Your Radiance

Within these steps, the book breaks down the parts of ourselves that need to shed in order to open to recieve guidance and connection to our authentic self. Our bodies are constantly seeking expression, our voices need to be heard and our unique and individual process is necessary in the evolution of the greatest good for all. The world is waiting for you to awaken to your radiance. Stay tuned for more ways to wake up to your ability to create radiance.

Meditation for Recovering Your Radiance:
If you notice yourself believing something that you know is not really true, such as:
I am not good enough. I should be more, better. I need help. I cannot take care of myself. I am broken. (any or all of which may lead to a dark place)
Come to sitting comfortably. See the belief and the part of you that gets triggered by the belief. Perhaps it leads you to act in a way that is less than nourishing to your body. Perhaps you make choices that are not in alignment with your values and leave an echo of unworthiness.
Visualize this part of you and invite it to come sitting in front of you. See the negative parts of you and notice how it feels/looks/acts and how you react to it's presence. Ask it to tell you the story of it's pain. Listen with open ears and an open mind. Don't judge, but become fascinated with everything it has to say. As you do so, allow yourself to grow further and further away from this part of you. Acknowledge it's presence by saying: That's interesting, and then what? Let it talk back to you. You may notice an endless story of overwhelming pain and struggle. You may notice that by giving it breathing room, you are cutting off your own source of wellbeing.

There is a never ending story of our own creation that is trying to kill us. There is a choice, to listen to the voices within that tell us who we think we are, or to step out in faith by accessing our authentic self and come together offering value from our heart to the hearts of others. Your life is meant to be a blessing, and there is a calling deep within each of us that is constantly reminding us of who we can be. Let go of the rest, the smoke in the mirror, the stuff that gets caught when you make a mistake, or when you cannot decide who you want to be. And do your best. We cannot think ourselves into right acting, but we can act ourselves into right thinking and the mind is a powerful place to start envisioning ourselves opening up to become powerful creators of radiance inside and out.

You are How, What, When, Where and Why You Eat

2010-03-23T11:04:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Geneen Roth and her new book, Women, Food and God, and specifically her latest Huffington Post article for the inspiration in discovering how our relationship with food is a metaphor for our relationship with life.

Geneen mentions briefly that she had to give up sneaking, stuffing, standing up, in the car eating in order to discover life. Her mission in life is to help women give up dieting and learn to be gentle and loving with themselves. The two are completely interconnected, and if you need clarification, I recommend reading any of her bestselling books, including, When Food is Love, and When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair.

I can completely relate to her process, and have made many commitments to give up careless, mindless eating, yet have not overcome the root of my behaviors. I can focus on giving them up, but then daily am tossing and turning to avoid the guilt and shame that has accumulated along with the pounds of excess bananas and nuts that I have become of late. Do you see how your food behaviors become how you think of yourself? This can be a conversation that is not at the forefront of your mind, at least one that you would not share with a date or even a roommate, but it is there when you get quiet and it is not the voice of faith, nor does it make life in the least bit enjoyable. It is nice to enjoy a good meal. It is especially nice to enjoy a meal with friends. Nobody wants to have to eat alone, and especially do so in bed, in the middle of the night standing up in front of the refrigerator, or feel like hiding because they exist as a human being. When we have spent much of our lives looking to fill the hole inside of us with food, the wholeness of who we are becomes dependent on the size of this hole, and for that reason, most of us feel frighteningly empty the larger we become. This cycle is frighteningly limiting and excruciating if we are not questioning the feedback from this emptiness. How true is it really that because our thighs are larger than our wrists, we need to suffer today?

Making sense of our eating patterns is completely necessary to move us forward into life. Especially now when many people are struggling to find work, and discovering that stress can be a full time job, and therapists can be our bosses. What if you were to give up the shame and guilt around food altogether? Would there be a reason to live beyond food if you started now to create a life you love and to fall in love with the life you are living?

Question yourself starting with your eating habits.

How do I want to feel for the next segment of time?
What would I eat that could help me feel that way?
When shall I eat to keep my mind and body in balance?
Where shall I eat and with whom?
Am I truly hungry, and if not, what else would feed me now?

Stuckness to Inspirationally Attuned

2010-03-20T21:13:00.001-07:00

I am no stranger to overwhelm. Self-sabatoge could be my middle name. I notice a trend when it comes to having what I want and never have enough. There is always more, but lack can be confused for contentment in the here and now.

There are many ways to acknowledge our sense of stuckness. We can stuff it, avoid it, disregard it, fluff it, scrunch it, untie it, crumble it, spit it out on our friends, swallow it whole without chewing, or, of course the best and most favorite of all, just plain deny it without dressing or sauce. And the final solution works the best, since it does not leave us wanting what we don't already have. The former ones offer an echo that may be louder than you know how to manage, and that is a key impact of the overwhelming quality to being out of alignment with our secret sauce.

Truth #1: There are boxes that we do not fit inside, no matter how hard we try. I have tried and tried, and end up seeing myself as I look out the window, and am amazed that there is no mirror in sight! If you find yourself checking yourself out, you may be a victim of your own sauce, and allergic to what you are creating. You know you are living large if you just allow yourself to be, and don't have to find what's wrong with you before you meet the rest of the world!

Truth #2: There is such a thing as a leaky faucet. The faucet you are running might be leaking out sideways. Do you notice yourself telling a story that already happened? Or, are you speaking in possibility. How you know when you need a plumber, or to consider hiring a therapist who is not your friend: you talk about how good or bad it was as if one day, at band camp...

Truth #3: You are your best friend. We are not in 5th grade anymore. We can look around and try to depend on others, fall in love with our favorite blogger and develop an e-crush with would-be clients, and this is fun and all, but, there is no time to befriend yourself if you are sharing it all with others. PLus, the people may be so used to you helping them, that you and they both deny that you need anyone ever, and you are the last to remember that you are worth it!

Truth #4: You didn't deserve it and there is a solution. There is a spiritual solution to every problem, thanks to Wayne Dyer. Seriously. If you are masochistic in some regard with yourself, your work or your man, you really don't have to go there any longer. You can be here now, and keep listening to that precious seed inside of your heart that needs to be nourished with good thoughts, loving blessings, and feelings of juiciness and inspiration.

Truth #5: You rock. This is fundamental marketing info to stick in your pocket. If you are feeling sorry for yourself, you will not get over your feeling of overwhelm. The thoughts will lead you right back to square one. The behaviors will lead to the thoughts which will lead you to the feelings which cause you to shut down. Keep the faith and find reasons to love yourself up. This will impact your self concept extremely well.

Spiritual Activism

2010-03-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

"Spiritual Activism refers to actions consciously taken in response to the knowledge that one is responsible for one's own actions, reactions, behaviors, thoughts and decisions. Once one has become aware of the implications of one's choices, one becomes obligated to assess each choice in regard to its impact on the Whole. As a Spiritual Activist, I not only attempt to change my personal life in order to benefit our world; I also work toward sharing with others ways to improve their own lives and to reach out in service. In working toward manifesting our ideal vision, we bring ourselves that much closer to the Divine.
"As Above, So Below." Namaste."

Taken from: http://www.resourcesforspiritualactivism.com/

Each of us is called to be greater than we think we are in order to evolve beyond our limitations. This calling is there waiting for us when we are ready to access the love inside of our hearts. Within this love, there is a still, quiet voice that is constantly seeking expression. Knowing this voice takes courage enough to be still and get to know ourselves apart from ego. Dwelling elsewhere and apart from the heart leads to cutting our own light off from Source and living a lie. It is not true that we are what we think we are. Our thoughts have stories that don't always lead to the place of peace within and all around us. As a spiritual being, our responsibility is to see beyond what appears and to honor the voice of the activist within.

A spiritual activist resides within each and everyone of us. In order live authentically in alignment with our values, it takes a stepping away from the pressures of life, fulfilling our personal needs with Divine guidance, and following the love in our hearts. As we take care of ourselves, we show up for life from a more loving place and create space for others to reside in the place of love where there are no boundaries, but energetically everyone is safe.

It is not spiritual to make yourself available to others because you don't want to be alone or can't take care of yourself so you want to take care of others. This is co-dependency at it's best, an unwillingness to be honest with ourselves, which leads us further away from Source energy.

Are you struggling to take responsiblity in some area of your life? Consider dedicated your healing or recovery for the benefit of all beings. Or for the children of the planet. Or for the children in your life. Allow the children to teach you how to take care of yourself based on how you would be if you wanted to teach them how to live. Bless the situation, or block it out of your mind. A mind placed in the realm of the Divine is aware and awake enough to listen to what you need to heal. Life is a healing journey, and we are constantly going through a process of shedding to open to greater love. Our work is to share from the place of love and to connect with one another as if each visitor is a manifestation of the Divine. As you clear your energy, let go of the story of your struggle, you become free and initiate your role as a spiritual activist.

What is the message of your activism? What do you see the world needs? Your family? Your friends? What have you overcome that you would like to inspire in others?

Tongue Scraping

2010-02-09T16:37:00.000-08:00

Tongue Scraping is performed with a metal device you can purchase at the health food store or a spoon. Stainless steel works better than the plastic type you can by at the drug store and is more safe and cleaner. Imagine, you are taking the toxins, mucous, junk form your mouth and letting it go. This is a fabulous way to detox your mouth first thing in the morning, to clean the bacteria and your palate for a healthier day. I have practiced tongue scraping for years. It helps relieve bad breath as well as helps improve digestion. I can't say enough about it. Try this at home!

Oil Pulling

2010-02-09T16:14:00.000-08:00

Oil Pulling is a deeply penetrating method of detoxification. According to www.oilpulling.com, Dr. (med.) Karach said the Oil pulling heals totally “head-aches, bronchitis, tooth pain, thrombosis, eczema, ulcers and diseases of stomach, intestines, heart, blood, kidney, liver, lungs and women’s diseases. It heals diseases of nerves, paralysis, and encephalitis. It prevents the growth of malignant tumors, cuts and heals them. Chronic sleeplessness is cured."

Oil Pulling is an Ayurvedic Process that works on the root cause of disease in the body. Results will come in a matter of days, with a brightness in the complexion and eyes, shiny hair and improved digestion. Full healing is a process and takes quite a while, according to your readiness and willingness to let go.

Here is how you do it:

On an empty stomach, take one tablespoon of sesame oil into the mouth, but do not swallow it. Swish the oil around in the mouth for 15-20 minutes. This process will activate enzymes and draw out toxins. Do not swallow the oil since it has contains toxins from the blood.

Oil Pulling increases metabolism, which improves overall health. You will notice a glow and your teeth will become whiter. You may experience signs of detoxification, including digestive disturbances, sleeping patterns changes, moodiness, but be patient, it is worth the release!

Maya Self Massage

2010-02-09T16:11:00.000-08:00

Maya Abdominal Massage Self Care Techniques
The Arvigo Techniques of Maya Abdominal Massage ™ are centered around the ancient Mayan techniques, which reposition organs that have dropped and restricted the flow of blood, lymph, nerve & chi energy. As with any other natural healing, Arvigo Techniques seek to restore the body to its natural balance. This technique is provided for therapeutic self care only and is intended to be used in conjunction with treatments from a professional or certified Maya Abdominal Massage practitioner. Consult www.arvigomassage.com for a list of qualified practitioners.
To Prepare
• Empty your bladder and create a quiet, peaceful environment to relax for 5-10 minutes (just before bedtime is perfect!).
• Wear loose fitting clothing with no zippers or buttons over the abdomen.
• Lie on your back and place a pillow under your head and your knees to soften your abdominal muscles. (If you have uterine prolapse, it may also be helpful to place a pillow under your hips to elevate your pelvis.)
• Breathe deeply and slowly for a few moments until you feel relaxed.
Self Care Massage Techniques
Lower Abdominal
1. Bring both of your hands together with your index fingers side by side and tuck one thumb under the other. Bring all eight fingers close together, slightly bent and relaxed. See diagram. 2. Through your clothing or a sheet, or with oiled fingers, locate where your pubic bones meet in the middle with your index fingers, and place these fingers on the small indent. Inhale and as you exhale, slowly slide off the top of your pubic bones while keeping your fingernails in contact with the bones. Press as deeply as it is comfortable for you into the soft tissue space above your pubic bone. See Diagram. (If your uterus is too low, you will feel resistance like the consistency of a water balloon.) 3. While maintaining the same pressure, gently and slowly move your fingertips toward your navel. Repeat this stroke from your pubic bone to your navel a total of 3 times. 4. With the same hand position, move your fingertips to one side of your pelvis with the little finger of one hand on the pubic bone and the other little finger on your hip bone. Again bring all eight fingers close together, slightly bent and relaxed. Inhale and as you exhale, slowly slide off the bones and press as deeply as it is comfortable for you into the soft tissue space of the pelvic bowl. 5. While maintaining the same pressure, gently and slowly move your fingertips toward the midline. Repeat this stroke a total of 3 times. 6. Repeat #4 and #5 on the other side of the pelvis. If your uterus is tilted to the left or right, you will feel resistance like the consistency of a water balloon before you get to the midline. 7. Repeat #2 through #6 2 more times, and then repeat #2 and #3 a final time for a total of 30 strokes. 8. Open your hands, reaching as far as possible without lifting your head, and place them flat over the groin where your legs join your pelvis on each side. Stroke softly 4-5 times over your skin and the underlying inguinal lymph nodes toward your abdomen. Continue the same strokes down both inner thighs along the lymph nodes, repeating this stroke 5 times.
Upper Abdominal
1. Apply oil or lotion to your fingertips. Make an “M” (for Maya!) with your hands by facing the palms of your hands toward each other and curling your fingers so that the fingernails of all eight fingers touch. Place your fingertips on the center of your upper abdomen just below the ribcage. Inhale, and as you exhale, press as deeply as it is comfortable for you into the soft tissue space. While maintaining the same pressure, gently and slowly move your fingertips toward your navel. Repeat this stroke from your rib cage to your navel a total of 3 times. 2. Place your fingertips on one side of your upper abdomen just below the ribcage. Inhale and as you exhale, press as deeply as it is comfortable for you into the soft tissue space. While maintaining the same pressure, gently and slowly move your fingertips diagonally toward your navel. Repeat this stroke from your rib cage to your navel for a total of 3 times. 3. Repeat # 2 on the other side of the upper abdomen. Then repeat #1, #2, and #3, ending with #1 for a total of 30 strokes.
If you find areas of tenderness, pain or congestion, adapt your pressure so that you can continue to relax. Breathe and continue to massage the area. If pain persists, even with a light touch, stop for now. If you experience pain initially, it should gradually diminish with each self care massage. Simply follow these instructions as best you can. After practicing the self care day for several days, you will become more familiar with the massage and more confident in your touch. If you continue to have difficulty, contact your Maya Abdominal Massage practitioner.
After Self Care
• Drink plenty of water to hydrate your body and support the healing process. Thank yourself for taking the time to take care of yourself.
• Honor your experience by paying attention to the changes and responding with what you need. For example, write your feelings in your journal or diary or share them with a trusted friend or therapist.
• Repeat the self care massage everyday except 5 days prior to and during your period or for 30 days, and then reduce to 2-3 times a week for your health.

When To Modify or Avoid Self Care Massage
• 5 days prior to and during your menstrual bleeding, do not deeply massage the uterus, but you may continue doing # 8 over the lymph nodes and the upper abdominal massage. It is okay to very gently and superficially massage over the uterine area prior to and during your period.
• During pregnancy, self care massage can be appropriately adapted for your trimester of pregnancy. Consult your Maya Abdominal Massage practitioner for more information.
• After abdominal surgery, you must wait until the tissue has healed, and your physician has cleared you for normal activity. For example, with Cesarean birth and hysterectomy, 8-10 weeks after surgery is usually recommended.
• If you are taking pain medications or other substances that may mask discomfort and pain, self care massage is contraindicated.
• If you have an intra uterine device (IUD) for birth control, #1-6 are contraindicated.
• If you are under treatment for abdominal or pelvic infection or cancer, self care massage is contraindicated.
• If you experience intense emotional pain during the self care, it is important that you seek professional support to help you pass through the gates of emotional healing. Please consult your Maya Abdominal Massage practitioner for guidance and referral.
• If you experience intense pain or discomfort during the self care massage or have a sudden onset of abdominal pain, please consult your Maya Abdominal Massage practitioner who will recommend that you see your physician before continuing the self care massage.

21 Day SUGAR FREE CHALLENGE

2010-01-23T09:08:00.001-08:00

Can you do it? Can you go without sugar? Can you live without cake or cookies or the sweetness of a Hershey bar? Join me as we walk together in the land of sugar-less delight, all the while exploring the sweet side of life.

Feel free to start this whenever you like, and post here through a comment if you are up for the challenge. Recently, feeling low energy and a bit foggy is causing me to re-assess my diet more than ever. I have some intentions for the next 21 days that I am putting out there, and I challenge you to do the same.

What is weighing on you? Does food live at the back of our mind? Are you constantly craving ot be bad...with food? How about having an amazing life and lightness in your body beyond food?

Here are some intentions I have for the next 21 days, and I will post my meals and the results of my shift here on this blog.

For the next 21 days, I am:
*going sugar free
*not eating between 8pm and 7 am
*keeping blood sugar stable throughout the day

Do you have dietary intentions you would like support around? Email me your questions or intentions and I will provide you with feedback and support for your 21 day health journey.

Namaste,
Waller

Eat This, Not That!

2010-01-22T09:41:00.000-08:00

If you have ever struggled with your weight, with digestion, depression, anxiety, cancer, ADD, diabetes, sleep disturbances, PMS, chronic fatigue, you may be well aware of the impact that your diet has on your condition. Awareness might fuel the decisions you make, but our culture is not designed to support a healing process, as our body requires for regeneration and detoxification.

Here are some basic guidelines that you can use to help you to heal, let go, and restore optimal balance from the inside out.

1. Chew Well
Avoid drinking your food whole. Make sure to chew your liquid and drink your food, to optimize digestive juices and help you to slow down in your life.

2. Healthy Fats
Replace margarine, vegetable oil, butter with Olive Oil, Ghee, Flax and Borage Oils and Avocado.

3. Cactus Sugar
Relieve your liver of the sugar invasion and allow your lymph system to let go on a deeper level. I recommend Agave Nectar which has a low glycemic index and is gentle, yet detoxifying for the colon.

4. Snack
Rather than reaching for coffee, which is taxing to the adrenals and exacerbates the colon, calm your mind and soothe your intestines with some protein or a green drink mid-morning or afternoon. Your system will experience a lift, and your mood will be increasingly positive as you keep your blood sugar balanced.

5. Breathe.
Before and after you eat, take time to center yourself, let go of toxic emotions and come into the body. Relaxing around food and mealtime will open your digestive system up to receiving the food.

Keep coming back to read more ways to relax your way to radiant health.
Namaste,
Waller

Sugar Shocked!

2010-01-19T18:20:00.000-08:00

Well, 5 years or so off of sugar will make one happy to be alive. No wonder I have been over a decade without taking pills, alcohol or even needing to see the doctor!
Something in me decided to try again, to explore adding in sugar. And bread and milk and cheese. Oh my. Having been full-on gluten free vegan for many years, this was a crash course in what I call: "How not to eat". My mantra right now is: oops, I've done it again. And my affirmation is: I have been here before and I am going to make it. I feel crazy, but my coach reminded me of simple wisdom: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" --Lao Tse, yet it never says in what direction. There is no good or bad food, it all just is. Just as our energy is constantly expanding and contracting, so is life.

I may not be where I would like my body to be, but I am ok with it. I heard recently someone referring to a glitch in American culture is that we "ain't ever satisfied". Seriously, in Los Angeles, you don't see many people staying at home, they're all in their car trying to get someone, to improve themselves, to be better, richer, fitter and ultimately, more human. A part of our condition is to want to improve upon who we are, what we know, how we live. Isn't knowledge key to our development? A former client, who is a chiropractor in New York sent out a newsletter this month with a definition of radiant health being resilientcy and pro-active self development. This resonates fully with me where I am now.

I may be making mistakes, but I am taking my life back from a limited viewpoint. I may have put on more weight than I am comfortable with, but I keep coming back to my yoga mat and accepting myself where I am now. I may have cravings for sugar, and really to be bad. But I am making a commitment to have limits with myself. There are many reasons that I want to take care of myself, but most importantly is because I want to learn and experience life to the best of my ability and I function better when I eat well.I am about to begin the final section of my bachelor's degree in psychology. I have a few months left before I finish my coaching training and I am 1/3 way complete with a yoga teacher training. I want the energy and focus that I know is available to me when I prioritize my self care.

I know that as I take care of myself, that I inspire others to do the same. I asked a new friend who is in treatment with anorexia yesterday, who would you be if you were not concerned about your body and food all of the time? This inspired me to answer it in my own life. Recovery is not about finding what is wrong about ourselves, but going inwards to discover the fruits of our remarkable resolve lies deep within our heart. Our heart is a part of a global heart, and by resting peacefully within, we offer a blessing to the planet. Recovery is about living in the middle, connecting with our values and living from a place of serenity. Like I said before, I will do what will not have to be undone. There are so many ways to say: Take care of yourself today for a better tomorrow.

Here are some commitments I am making to my life and to my recovery, for the benefit of past, present and future friends, family and clients:

I will do what won't be undone, and that starts with how I treat my body.
I will eat as if in full view of others.
No matter what, I will not eat sugar. You will be the first to hear about it when I want to, and I will trust that nothing is bad enough to face and everything is better when I am free from mental and physical angst that sugar induces.
I will do my best to take care of my needs better each day.

I wish you a peaceful heart, strength and courage and resiliency, for the wisdom to start where you are loving yourself as never before.

Shanti,
Waller

Beyond Disordered Eating

2010-01-17T00:22:00.000-08:00

My new resolve to write a book about breaking out of a diet is having a whiplash effect. Perhaps this blog may be the journal that will get me there. My prayers of late to recover fully from the diet mentality "for the benefit of all beings" seem to have widened my belly more than I was ready for, or at least for now.

I have made a few recent commitments to myself:
#1 no coaching until I have 30 days of sleep
#2 no planning meals
#3 no food is illegal

Tonight seemed like the perfect night for sleep. I had a couple of really good yoga practices today, a full day of teacher training, a bit of ocean air in Orange County, an evening in Irvine at the largest Whole Foods in the country and then reading Buddhist magazines at Borders and then home to conk out. Conking only lasted an hour before I was up again. What is this night time eating really? Well, tonite I was sure I was going to break the cycle only be back in the saddle again, in my new life beyond orthorexia. Having access to all of the healthy, delicious, raw vegan food is not helping. I would really like to stick with my vegan diet, but a part of me is trying to break out of having rules.

Breaking free from a diet can be one of the most uncomfortable but liberating experiences known to man or woman. I am sitting in bed writing this, after a night long exploration into the bins of sugar-filled cheese caked pantry land. I have raided a closet that is not even mine, in order that I feel some bit of pain that I can't even sit through, much longer decided what it is due to not having been with myself ever for longer than to be awake and taste the food that is coming in to deter me from the pain.

Tonight it was 3 rice cakes, an avocado, a chunk of cheese (brie and gouda), 1/2 of a real bagel, 1 piece of Taiwanese rice cake, 1/4 cup goji berries, 2 cups granola, 2 chocolate puddings, 7 chocolates, 1 large chunk peppermint bark, 1 cup orange juice and pineapple, to help digest the fat. Can that be all? All that? And then what? And then there is now and I honestly have no clue why I did what I did other than to know I am not sure what life will bring tomorrow. Perhaps that is why I do it. Fear of the unknown. Perhaps that is a load of crap and really, I am just feeding an emptiness inside that one day will recognize food and be able to separate love.

I am a living testimony to the power of intention. What you think you are, you shall become. So, in yoga these days (which is every day), I seem to think I am all-belly, and gradually expanding by the day. I have also convinced myself that my thyroid is no longer functioning and that I might as well be Oprah. There is nothing wrong with Oprah, by the way, most days, I want to be her, and today, I think I am her. At least the recent weight has broadened my vision and kept me exploring. If I were still eating brown rice and tofu and kale every meal, I would still be doing what I always did and seeing the world through the lens of what they're eating that is causing them pain, struggle and weight. What's eating me other than what I'm not eating right now, or eating that is causing air to stagnate in my belly?

Principles of breaking free from a diet (soon to appear in a full book!)

1--Lighten the significance. Don't make eating such a big deal. As my friend, Jenni Schaefer says: "Just eat!" and I add onto that one: "and get over it!".
2--Do not do what will have to be undone. I find this especially helpful for breakign free from bulimic tendencies. Eat what will not have to be gotten rid of! So, if you are going to eat the cookies, do so and let it go1 Or if they are going to caue you guilt and to have to spend extra time at the gym--move on! Do not waste your time getting rid of calories!
3--Let food be thy medicine, however, you are not sick!
4--Make each bite delicious
5--Eat as if in full view of others

En route to writing the full book, for the next 30 days, as I attempt to eat whatever I want, I will make sure to log what I am eating when, where and how. For today, it wa squite a day. I had a raw vegan quiche and pineapple for brunch, lara bar for snack, rice and indian lentils and artichokes for dinner with a bite of raw vegan chocolate and see above for the 2,000 extra calories that a part of me felt entitled to, in order that I smash every ounce of good inside of me and avoid making eye contact with the world tomorrow.

How we eat effects so much of our lives, especially our ability to relate, or not-so, to others. I am making a new resolve, to eat as if I really love myself and to love others the best I know how. This all starts with how I treat myself. Food is included and is a high priority in my self-care plan.

Are you with me on this? Taking care of ourselves is key to having a healthy life. Want to join me in the challenge to break free from the diet mentality, to make each bite--and day--delicious? To eat and get over it, but be sure that it is not something that will cause us harm? I dare you! Check back here for updates on what I am doing to grow through the diet mentality and live beyond disordered eating.

All the best,
Waller

Inspired by Faith

2010-01-01T09:03:00.000-08:00

New Year, New You. It's time, like never before to follow the calling, the voice deep within that knows what you want, what you are here to create and what you need to do so. It can sound like a committee of complainers, to notify you when you are out of alignment, or like a goldmine, wanting to share with your friends and family how good life is when you are living in alignment with your values.

Inspiration is defined as many things:
1. The physically act of breathing in or inhaling. The drawing of air into the lungs.
2. A sudden idea.
3. The feeling itself within the body of elevated energy and enthusiasm
4. The sources of inspiration is also called an inspiration. Someone or something that causes this state.
5. A product of inspiration, such as an idea, piece of art, an invention, a business, etc.

What inspires you? What are you inspired by? It could be taking a hike and noticing the view or the smells of nature, a young child playing who reminds you to smile, a delicious meal shared with friends, or your own vision and the work you've put into creating a sacred life for yourself.

I love this story about persevering beyond the social norms and following our unique and vital inspiration.

In 1883, a creative engineer named John Roebling was inspired by an idea to build a spectacular bridge connecting New York with the Long Island. However bridge building experts throughout the world thought that this was an impossible feat and told Roebling to forget the idea. It just could not be done. It was not practical. It had never been done before.

Roebling could not ignore the vision he had in his mind of this bridge. He thought about it all the time and he knew deep in his heart that it could be done. He just had to share the dream with someone else. After much discussion and persuasion he managed to convince his son Washington, an up and coming engineer, that the bridge in fact could be built.

Working together for the first time, the father and son developed concepts of how it could be accomplished and how the obstacles could be overcome. With great excitement and inspiration, and the headiness of a wild challenge before them, they hired their crew and began to build their dream bridge.

The project started well, but when it was only a few months underway a tragic accident on the site took the life of John Roebling. Washington was injured and left with a certain amount of brain damage, , which resulted in him not being able to walk or talk or even move.

"Crazy men and their crazy dreams... “"It`s foolish to chase wild visions."

Everyone had a negative comment to make and felt that the project should be scrapped since the Roeblings were the only ones who knew how the bridge could be built. In spite of his handicap Washington was never discouraged and still had a burning desire to complete the bridge and his mind was still as sharp as ever.

He tried to inspire and pass on his enthusiasm to some of his friends, but they were too daunted by the task. As he lay on his bed in his hospital room, with the sunlight streaming through the windows, a gentle breeze blew the flimsy white curtains apart and he was able to see the sky and the tops of the trees outside for just a moment.

It seemed that there was a message for him not to give up. Suddenly an idea hit him. All he could do was move one finger and he decided to make the best use of it. By moving this, he slowly developed a code of communication with his wife.

He touched his wife's arm with that finger, indicating to her that he wanted her to call the engineers again. Then he used the same method of tapping her arm to tell the engineers what to do. It seemed foolish but the project was under way again.

For 13 years Washington tapped out his instructions with his finger on his wife's arm, until the bridge was finally completed. Today the spectacular Brooklyn Bridge stands in all its glory as a tribute to the triumph of one man's indomitable spirit and his determination not to be defeated by circumstances. It is also a tribute to the engineers and their team work, and to their faith in a man who was considered mad by half the world. It stands too as a tangible monument to the love and devotion of his wife who for 13 long years patiently decoded the messages of her husband and told the engineers what to do.

Inhale into your heart center and allow yourself to be filled up as never before in 2010, and exhale and trust that all is well.

Namaste,
Waller