Created On Purpose

Caution: Epic Failure

2017-07-31T14:46:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had someone throw your past failures in your face? Have you ever felt like your past will never remain in the past? Do you struggle to step beyond who you were and step into who you are now?

Recently, I had a conversation with a young lady who made a series of not-so-great choices in the past. She has spent several years trying to move beyond the after-effects of the broken life that was a result of alcohol & drug use and in the end, time in prison. What an incredible joy to hear her tell of her successes in regaining her life. Her hard work shows. She has built a solid career, has a beautiful child and a new romance.

She's put in a lot of effort to overcome her past and is the kind of person others can look up to. I admire her resolve to live her life well. Yet, the people closest to her see her through a different lens. Relatives have closed their doors and hearts to her and still she is regularly reminded by the ones who are supposed to love unconditionally that she "failed". In their eyes, she will always be the person she used to be.

I 'm so glad that God doesn't operate like most people. Scripture tells us in John 1:9, " If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." That's excellent news, but it gets even better! In Hebrews 10:17 he adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.” Not only is God faithful to forgive us, but once we're forgiven, he remembers our sins no more! Oh how I wish humans could function like this. How beautiful to know that once we are forgiven, we aren't reminded by our Savior again and again of how we screwed up. It doesn't matter what the sin was, once it's forgiven is eliminated, wiped out, erased, GONE!

Nobody likes to be reminded of their failures. When we fail it's hard to believe we have any hope of success. At our lowest moments, we need someone to believe we can be better, not someone to reinforce that we fell short. Thankfully, we serve a loving God who loves us enough not to give up on us even at our lowest moment. Your failure(s) won't prevent God from finishing what He started in you. You can have confidence in God's words in Philippians 1:6:"he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

God won't quit on you. God's not done with you. You're not a failure.

You. Are. His.

I'm sorry, I've got plans

2014-12-22T05:29:00.005-08:00

I'm a planner. Excel & I are in an intimate relationship. I create to-do lists & experience unimaginable joy watching my progress as I skillfully accomplish & cross of each task. I feel a sense of accomplishment knowing that I have measurable success. If I'm feeling particularly uninspired, I write a list that includes tasks I've already accomplished & cross them off so that I can reassure myself that I am truly moving forward. I plan meal charts & grocery lists & exercise charts &budgets & even create travel itineraries that factor in Starbucks stops & meal locations. I like to know where I'm going & I need to have a plan of how I'm getting there.

The problem is, life can't be planned. Believe me, I've tried. But no matter how hard I try to create a spreadsheet for my life, it's never right. The route keeps changing, the tasks are unclear, I check one item off the list only to see a million more items show up. I plan for life to head one direction & instead it travels like a freight train out of control in another. I determine purposefully that I am going to accomplish a certain thing & that thing suddenly vanishes in front of me like a building that's swallowed up by a sinkhole.

The more time passes, the more panicked I become. I'm probably at least halfway through my time here on earth & my spreadsheet seems to be filled with incomplete tasks. I look back on my childhood dreams & goals & see so few of them actually realized. I want to live a life of significance & be a person of influence, yet most days my greatest accomplishments include getting out of bed, going to work & making dinner. Where am I headed? How did I get here?

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21

Anyone can make plans.

“But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” Psalm 33:11

No one can override the plans of the LORD.

“Then Job replied to the LORD: ‘I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.’ ” Job 42:1-2

Whose plans do I want to follow?

I think it's time to crumple my to-do list & break up with Excel. Sorry Excel, I've got plans & they're not with you. "Hello, God - what do YOU want to do today?"

This is the day...

2014-11-19T05:35:00.004-08:00

Once, as soon as, when...

I've lived my life by those words. Once I get married, then... As soon as I have children, then.... When the kids are in school, then... Once the kids graduate, then... As soon as the debt is paid off, then..

I'm a goal-oriented person. When I want to achieve something, I carefully chart a course of action to achieve my objective. For me, my daily life has been no different. I make lists, create schedules, and determine my objective. I feel a deep sense of satisfaction seeing my tasks checked off the list and knowing another day wasn't wasted - or was it?

Was my life really improved yesterday because my task list was completed? Did my circumstance improve because I created another 1-year budget complete with monthly calendars? Were my children truly blessed by a mother that was more concerned with completing her task list and presenting an image of perfection than truly being 100% present in their lives? If only I could go backwards and right all the wrongs and bask in the moments that I missed while looking forward to when...

While there's nothing wrong with planning, there's a serious flaw with my type of existence. By focusing my energies & efforts solely on the future, I'm failing to fully experience NOW. By failing to experience NOW, I'm missing out on the life I've been given while waiting to arrive at the life that I desire.

By trusting in my own plan, I'm missing out on God's plan.

Psalm 118:24 This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.

Today, not tomorrow. Present, not future. Not once, as soon as, or when - NOW.

Happy Birthday Alyson!

2014-11-14T04:23:00.004-08:00

Twenty four years ago at this time, I was in labor eagerly anticipating the birth of my daughter. After months of expectant waiting, I was about to cross over into the unknown world of being a mommy. I had carefully prepared everything for her arrival. The nursery was properly decorated and supplied with everything necessary for my little princess to thrive. I had read the books and taken the classes to prepare myself to care for a newborn. I had expectations and hopes and dreams of all that her tiny, precious life would be.

At that point in my life, I questioned everything. I wondered what she'd look like, what color would her hair be? Would she have a mild temperament? Would she sleep through the night? Would I hear her if she woke up? How would I know what her needs are? Would I be a good parent? Would I be able to provide for her needs? Would I be able to teach her right and wrong without making her hate me? Would I raise a child that would go on to achieve her own dreams or would I cripple her by forcing my own dreams on her?

I was instantly in love with my darling child and everything in my world turned upside down the moment I saw her sweet face. Suddenly, my wants and needs and hopes and dreams had very little to do with me and nearly everything to do with her. There was nothing in the world as important as that little girl.

Twenty four years later, that darling little girl is a grown woman who bears resemblance to her momma in looks, but holds a personality that is 100% her own. She is fiercely loyal, intelligent, adventurous, risky and fun. She cares deeply, lives life passionately, and will chew you up and spit you out if you wound her soul.

I thank God for the privilege of parenting. I thank God that in spite of my inabilities and screw ups, each of
my children turned out to be decent people. I thank God for each memory from infancy to Junior High (ok, maybe I'd like to forget a few of the Junior High memories) to College and beyond.

This weekend I celebrate Alyson's 24th birthday. Every single day I celebrate MY CHILD.

Called?

2014-11-13T05:45:00.000-08:00

I was a 25 year old accounting student when I encountered Christ for the first time. Recently remarried and raising 2 small children, I was at the top of my class with plans to pursue the security of becoming a CPA. I was good with numbers and understood the concepts, however, once I surrendered myself to Christ, the desire to sit behind a desk and crunch numbers vanished. I wanted more. I wanted to impact the lives of others. I wanted to serve Christ with every fiber of my being. I wanted Him to call me into ministry more than anything.

I remember the first time I learned that the denomination I was associated with had a strict rule about people who were divorced and remarried being ineligible for ministry. I recall the condemnation that wrapped around my being like a heavy blanket as I realized that the very thing I desired could never truly come to happen because I encountered Jesus AFTER I experienced the "unforgivable" act of divorce & remarriage. I was that person. I was marked. I was inadequate. I was unworthy. It was like a scarlet letter that I was forced to wear.

I had many desperate conversations with Lord about this injustice. I begged Him to call me and use me in spite of the horrible label I bore. I served him with everything I had, volunteering in every way possible and attending every bible study, church service, and Sunday School class I could in hopes of hearing His voice and earning His favor.

A few years later, my denomination began to relax it's standards for ministry qualifications to include those who were divorced and remarried PRIOR to their conversion. I was giddy with excitement at the prospect that perhaps God would see fit to call me now. I prayed, waiting in eager anticipation to hear His voice sending me into full time service yet all I heard was deafening silence. I begged, I pleaded, I waited. Nothing. Until one day my husband (who was the kind of guy that would rather die than have to stand in front of a group of people) came to me and announced that God had called him to full-time ministry. Him. Not me. I was excited. I was confused. I was eager with anticipation at becoming the pastor's wife. I was disappointed that despite my desire, God would rather use someone else. I was happy. I was angry. I was jealous. I was supportive. I was secretly wrapping myself in self-pity, convincing myself that somehow I was not sufficient for God.

With a mixture of a billion emotions, we packed the family and moved to another state so my husband could attend bible college. I landed a job at the headquarters of my denomination and began to feel like perhaps God was using me through my work there. I flourished in my newfound "ministry" role and began to dream again about the ways that God would use me. We jumped through the hoops of credentialing and eventually my husband was offered a position at a church in yet another state. Excited about the prospect of truly being in full-time ministry, we loaded up the family yet again and stepped into the role of Pastor & wife.

I loved the ministry. My children & I were the worship team initially and it was such a blessing to lead worship with all 3 of my kids (on days that were weren't all about to strangle one another based on family dynamics). I taught children's church. I started women's groups. I cleaned the church and decorated the church and made coffee cake every Sunday morning. I determined finally that God was truly using me. Perhaps this was His calling. Maybe this was what I was created for.

As quickly as I settled into the role, it vanished. A marriage suddenly dissolved. A ministry rapidly taken away. My moment as God's chosen servant handed over for yet another scarlet letter. As a result of another person's choices, I now found myself divorced for a second time. My initially supportive denomination seemed to flee from me. The people whom I loved and had been ministering to became someone else's flock. The scarlet letter returned. I was unworthy of God's use. No matter how I longed for His calling, He obviously didn't want me in that capacity. I surrendered to the fact that spiritual greatness was somehow just outside my reach.

I wandered through many dark days, and sometimes still do. To be honest, I'm still coming to terms with where life has taken me. I don't understand all of the heartaches, disappointments and trials I've been through. Yet, when I open the bible, I find hope. I see the kind of people that God used. They weren't perfect. They actually were quite messed up. Their lives were in shambles and they were riddled by their own foolish decisions. Yet, God wasn't limited by their circumstances. He used them, right where they were, in spite of their sins, regardless of their qualifications. They impacted the world they lived in. They touched the lives they were part of. Many of them didn't see the result of the impact their life had on others. They were obedient. They were faithful. They were called. And so am I.

Phillipians 2:12-18
Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

Harsh seasons

2014-01-28T19:45:00.003-08:00

Lately I have been thinking a lot about fruit. Not about eating it or cooking with it, although I thoroughly enjoy both! I'm thinking on a much larger scale - I've been thinking about bearing fruit.

In the book of Matthew when Jesus teaches using the parable of the seed and sower, we see three constants (the seed =the word of God, the Sower =Jesus, the Fruit =what is produced from the seed that was sown) as well as a variable (soil=condition of the heart).

What's not mentioned here is the seasons that occur prior to the development of the fruit. Jesus likely used this parable as a relatable picture to an agricultural community. Planting & harvesting was something they understood. They grasped the process of growth and understood that seasons were a natural part of the process.

My dad and his friends are farmers. I've watched as they tirelessly prepare the soil, plant the seeds, nourish the plants and eventually harvest a bountiful crop that feeds many. I've also watched as they've lost almost entire crops to drought, flood or harsh weather with nothing in return for all their hard work.

Personally, I've gone through some rough seasons in my life. There have been times where I feel like I am nothing more than a battered scrap of a plant struggling to stay alive during a drought or a hard freeze, and during those times, I'm certain I don't resemble a lush fruit bearing plant, but my roots are firmly planted and I endure. During those seasons, I felt weak and at times I felt that I wouldn't be strong enough to endure, but eventually the harsh season would pass and I would emerge stronger and more deeply rooted, ready to bear fruit.

While on a winter hike through the Minnesota woods recently, I stumbled across a barren sprig of a plant that appeared to be completely dead. When I looked up however, on the high branches of this dead looking plant were a few handfuls of uncharacteristically bright red berries that the birds were eating. The moment I saw this nearly dead tree providing food for the birds, I felt a sense of hope.

My moments of struggle, the weakness, the circumstances that left me battered seemed to make a little more sense as I realized that growth and fruit bearing occurs in seasons and in the end - the fruit that is produced is produced in due season for the purpose of nourishing someone other than the plant itself.

Closing my eyes, ducking, & covering my head

2013-09-14T07:04:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, I don't like change. I'm the kind of person who enjoys routine...I like to know what to expect and when to expect. When life throws me a curveball, I'd love to say that I have that athletic-type of knee-jerk reaction to jump out and grab it, but unfortunately, my reaction usually resembles that frightened kid who sees the ball coming and closes his eyes, ducks, and covers his head down deep praying that by some miracle he doesn't get hit.

In recent months, there have been a lot of changes in my environment and I don't like them. A dear friend & co-worker is moving away and while I'm happy for her and excited for what her future holds, it changes my environment and the delicate day to day operations of my office. I'm secretly closing my eyes, ducking, and covering my head hoping not to get hit by the change.

My youngest child moved away to go to college in Florida and while I am so proud of his accomplishments and excited to see him pursue his dreams, he's no longer within my reach. He's starting his own life and I am watching from a distance, helpless. I'm secretly closing my eyes, ducking, and covering my head hoping not to get hit by the change.

The government is passing laws right & left that affect my career (I work in insurance), my paycheck, and my personal security as a citizen. I'm secretly closing my eyes, ducking, and covering my head hoping not to get hit by the change.

I watch from a distance as changes happen in environments that I used to be part of. My heart breaks as I see people I love and hold dear affected by changes that they had no part in implementing. I am confused by the standards of leaders and by the impact that their decisions have on sincere, honest people. I'm secretly closing my eyes, ducking, and covering my head hoping not to get hit by the change.

How do I handle it? What can I do? I am reminded in Hebrews 11:8 -"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going." I look up from my cowering stance and open my eyes knowing that I am not in control of the course of the ball coming at me, the only thing that I can control is my reaction to it.

Ministering to an empty room

2013-07-14T14:35:00.001-07:00

Nervousness and excitement mingled together in anticipation as I waited for the ladies to arrive. Several months of planning and preparation had been poured into the ladies event that I was about to host. I had originally wrestled with God about the idea of starting a women's ministry. I'm not exactly the girly-type and my idea off fun doesn't seem to line up with my female counterparts. I've tried the traditional feminine activities, but crafts and scrapbooking just don't bring me the same joy that other females seem to experience. I buy my purses for functionality rather than as a cute accessory to my clothing and I'd rather pull my hair into a ponytail then spend an hour getting all done up. I own a whopping total of 4 necklaces and 6 pairs of earrings and frequently forget to put them on to "complete the ensemble". I like shooting guns and hiking and reading books. About the most feminine part of my personality is the fact that I enjoy getting a pedicure and having cute toenails.

Nevertheless, I couldn't avoid the burden that God was putting on my heart. I was coming off some serious life circumstances that had catapulted me into the arms of God. I had spent the last several years being anonymous while my heart was healing and had just recently begun to feel that familiar tugging on my heart to step out into something unfamiliar and touch the lives of others. I bargained with God, reminding Him that I was better equipped to minister to children (never-mind the fact that there are no children presently attending my small start-up church). He didn't budge...women's ministry was what He continued to speak to my heart. I asked Him if I could do worship ministry (my church currently didn't have a worship leader and my pastor had asked me to consider stepping up to the plate) but was met with a big "No" and a reminder that it's not about me.

So here I was, stepping out into the unknown, feeling rather ill equipped and very insecure. My thoughts raced between wondering if I would break through into the hearts of the ladies attending to whether or not they'd notice the grease stain that I somehow had managed to get on my blouse. I had taken care of every detail I could think of. I rented a facility that was created specifically for ministry to women. I did announcements and email blasts and Facebook reminders leading up to the day of the event. I crafted an interactive way to get acquainted with one another. There were beautiful flowers and giveaway gifts prepared. I had studied the book of Ruth and had an interactive message of redemption to share. The refreshments were beautifully displayed on the table waiting for the ladies to arrive.

The time was drawing near and I sat in anticipation, thinking about greeting each woman and dicovering how I could minister to her needs. The facility volunteer (a beautiful woman from my church with a beautiful Spirit) and I watched as the minutes ticked by. With each minute that passed, I sensed more deflation. I picked up the phone and called my pastor to see if anyone had called him - perhaps they were lost or confused about the location. I began to doubt myself..."Why would I ever think God could use me? Maybe I misheard Him? Maybe I was wrong to step out into the unknown."

The minutes turned into hours and soon our time was over. No one ever showed up. Not one person. Two ladies, a whole lot of preparation, a lot of food and flowers and a heaping dose of disappointment sat in anticipation of what might be but never was.

As I drove home I pondered the evening. I stepped out in obedience to God in a ministry that I felt ill equipped to lead. As I prepared, I developed an expectation that somehow my obedience was going to be translated into a thriving, exciting ministry. My expectations hadn't been met but I never asked God what His expectations were. Maybe He just wanted to see if I'd be obedient. Perhaps He needed to provide me with that opportunity to be ministered to by the other lady that waited with me. Perhaps He was testing my heart, to see if I would let my expectations get in the way of my relationship with Him.

And then I was reminded of Hebrews 11:39-40 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

None of the great heroes of the bible knew what the outcome was going to be. They stepped out in faith and were obedient to the voice of God. Many of them died without ever seeing the results of their faithfulness. Though they didn't receive what was promised, they were part of the bigger plan!

No one showed up. Not one person. Two ladies and a whole lot of preparation went into ministering to an empty room. And the blessings abound.

~For wherever two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. Matthew 18:20

I'm a half-baked Christian

2013-04-01T16:08:00.003-07:00

In the past few weeks I've felt it stirring; that little element of discontent, that disconnect between the life I'm living and the life I want to live, that desire for something greater, that frustration found when standing still while the world seems to be passing by. Have you ever experienced it? I've encountered it enough times throughout my life that I'm beginning to recognize it, to know that it's the beginning of a process; and like childbirth, it begins with a slight discomfort and escalates until it's nearly unbearable and ends with something miraculous and beyond human comprehension.

I know that God is directing me and beginning something new...but....I have absolutely no idea what it is or where it leads. This is the part I'm not good at. It's the trust and faith part. The part that has to let go of control and allow God to form and shape whatever He is doing in His time. This is the part that threatens to drive me nuts. Anyone who knows me knows I am a planner. I like lists and I like goals and I like to make sure all the details are worked out. When I am challenged to let go and wait for God to direct, I find myself on the verge of a breakdown. I question myself at every turn, "Did God set that up so I would do this? Is God wondering why I'm sitting here waiting? I mean, what if I missed it? What if the thing I think He is about to do is actually being done while I'm over here trying to figure out if He's leading me or if I'm trying to take over?"

Maybe you can relate. I want a clearly defined set of parameters with guidelines and benchmarks. God on the other hand initiates a process that is often unseen on the outside but definetly is hard at work on the inside. I feel like I'm half done. Like I'm a half-baked Christian. He stirred together the ingredients and created me. He seasoned me and poured me into the form He desires. But I'm not done. My insides are still a gooey mess. My substance is incomplete. I'm not ready to hold up and serve the purpose He has for me. Only when the process is complete and the work is finished inside, will He be ready to use me in a way that is evident on the outside.

Currently, I feel like I'm waiting for the timer to buzz. For the signal that the work is done and I'm ready. For the moment, I will do nothing but sit and wait, be still and know that he is Lord. But soon, very soon, I am confident of this: that he who began a good work in you (me) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Phillipians 1:6

Let's just play it by ear...

2012-11-12T05:25:00.000-08:00

"Let's just play it by ear". The dreaded words kept repeating in my head. How is that possible? Shouldn't we have a plan of action? How will I know what to expect? Am I supposed to just sit here and wait? Well, that's not fair. After all, I have things I want to accomplish. How can I do my things if I have to sit around and wait for whatever "playing it by ear" means.

I like to be in control. It's an area of my life that I have been working to change on a daily basis. I've made significant progress, but encountered this reality check the other day. I was trying to plan for the weekend. There was a possibility we might go up North, which was contingent on a shipment of supplies. My second job was texting me with open shifts they had for the weekend. I needed decisive answers and I wanted them NOW! I was met with "let's just play it by ear" and faced an internal meltdown. So there I was stewing and fussing, frustrated that I couldn't write down an agenda. In reality, I wanted to spend a weekend doing nothing, but I buried that reality under my desire to have a schedule so I would know what to expect. At least tell me that we're going to do nothing this weekend so I can put it on my calendar and feel fulfilled as I check it off my "to do " list.

I didn't know which direction to turn. Should I go to the grocery store and get supplies, just in case we go to the cabin? Should I take a shift that I really don't want to work simply because it's there in front of me? Should I make plans to meet with friends or spend time doing things that I haven't had the time to do? My frustration mounted and I did what I always do when I'm frustrated, I began to frantically clean while talking to the Lord.

I began to lament to God about how frustrated I was. I poured out my complaints while scrubbing the toilet. I mumbled about how unfair the situation was while vacuuming the floor. I asked God to give us a clear agenda while scrubbing the kitchen. And then, while making the beds, God gently spoke to my spirit. He didn't give me an agenda, or clarify my plans. Instead, He pointed out my insecurity and spoke to my personal weakness. He showed me the reason those words set off a frustrating chain of events for me and He showed me how the frustration went much deeper than the relational issue of the weekend. This issue was between me and God and it had been going on for years.

You see, I've always seen organization as a positive attribute. I value order and I believe that God does as well. When I have order, I know what to expect, there are no surprises. I can look at my "to do" list and visually see success. As I complete the events on my calendar, I am fulfilled knowing that I have done what I need to do. But in reality, my planner and "to do" list are MY plans. Every task that I check off was placed there by me. As I listened to what God was speaking to my spirit, I recognized the reality of Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails."

God showed me that the reason the statement "Let's play it by ear" set off such internal combustion in me is because it required me to give up control. He showed me the parallel between my momentary weekend frustration and my larger-scale life frustration. You see, my life hasn't gone exactly the way I planned. My agenda looked a lot different than this. My "to do" list did not include many of the things that I've done. My version of a "perfect" life looked a lot different than this. And every time that my life has taken an unexpected turn, I am thrown into a tailspin screaming at God about how it's not fair and how I had things that I wanted to accomplish and how it's not right that I end up wondering what's next. HOW COULD GOD DO THIS TO ME???

As I neatly arranged the pillows on the bed (in their correct order, of course), God showed me that playing it by ear is not a bad thing. He reminded me of Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” He reminded me that I am not the one in control. Not now. Not ever. He showed me that sometimes, having no plan is the best plan of all. He reminded me that in my weakest and most frustrating moments, when there was nothing in life that I could control, He was there and He had a plan that was greater than anything that I could write in my planner or place on my "to do" list.

And so, I embarked on a weekend with no agenda. The supply shipment did arrive on Friday morning. No plans were made. We decided to wait until Saturday morning to decide if we wanted to go up North or not. No alarm clock was set. On Saturday morning, we decided that it just felt good to relax and do nothing. We drank coffee and read the word and took naps and it was glorious! Without any plans or expectations, I experienced what was possibly one of the greatest weekends of my life. My body was relaxed, my mind was cleared, and my spirit was refreshed.

I let go of the illusion of control and experienced the joy that can come "just playing it by ear".

Shallow roots

2012-10-23T20:26:00.004-07:00

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” " Jeremiah 17:7-8

I was hiking in a dense forest filled with majestic Minnesota pine trees a few weekends ago. For miles in any direction the trees were an endless sight to behold. The thick moss covered the ground like an inviting carpet, the musky smell of the leaves that had fallen to the ground was invigorating. The babbling sounds of the trout stream was music to my ears. With nature surrounding me, I was awestruck at the realization that all of this happened naturally, without the intervention of mankind.

As I was making my way through a particular dense area, at times having to crawl on my hands and knees to get through the thickets, I stood up and took in a peculiar sight. There, in this thickly covered area, was a huge majestic tree that must have been at least 50 feet tall! The trunk of this tree easily had a 6 foot circumference. This tree was as straight as a telephone pole.

And...this tree was laying flat on the ground with it's entire root structure pulled up, entirely intact.

None of the trees surrounding it were affected. There had been no recent storms or damage to the other surroundings. In spite of all it's majesty, in the midst of being surrounded with other trees that were very similar, this particular tree simply fell down.

I sat down on the trunk of the tree and stared at the roots. I inspected the root structure and was immediately reminded of how this tree is like many Christians. This tree looked and acted just like the trees it was surrounded by. This tree was nourished with the same nutrients and endured the same trials as the other trees around it. To the naked eye, when this tree was standing tall, it may have even seemed superior to some of the other trees around it, it had grown larger and stronger than some of it's peers.

Unfortunately, the naked eye is not able to see what is happening below the surface. Below the surface, this tree had a very shallow root structure. In fact, I have pulled up vegetables that had deeper roots than this tree had. Somehow this tree managed to thrive and grow for a time, but eventually, this tree encountered a circumstance that it's roots couldn't hold up against. Perhaps it was a windstorm, or some wet soil, or the weight of a large animal...whatever the cause, it didn't matter that this tree was surrounded by other trees or that it looked like a majestic tree, the circumstance was too great for the tree to withstand.

In this Bible verse Jeremiah is comparing people to a tree, but not just any old tree. He says that if we trust in the Lord we are like trees that have deep roots.

Your roots must be anchored in God. Far too many people place their faith in the church or other people. While God definitely brings people alongside you to help you grow and to encourage you, ultimately, your roots are developed privately as you dig into God's word and learn to truly trust Him.

If your "roots" are anchored in God's words and his love, you will be like a tree with roots that go deep into the soil. You won't get knocked over or lose your faith when a storm comes up, or something bad happens in your life. If your roots are deep and holding onto God, you will keep on trusting God no matter what happens in your life.

Don't let anyone look down on you...

2012-10-17T08:30:00.003-07:00

I love young people. Children, junior high kids, teenagers...they have so much energy and creativity. They have dreams. They experiment. They ask questions, they seek answers, they challenge the status quo. From a very young age they start asking "why?" Adults can learn so much from them.

At some point, a tragic transition takes place. Those vibrant young people stop asking "why?" and start following the crowd. They conform. They exchange their dreams for an ordinary existence. They become what most of us have demonstrated to them, people going through the motions, following what is "normal", existing in a mundane, average way.

I recall many years ago, as a vounteer youth leader for my church, sitting for hours around the kitchen table with teenagers that were hungry to learn the truth of God's word. They challenged the religious traditions. They asked "why?". Often times, I didn't know the answers and I was honest with them when their questions were over my head. They didn't want to know what the church said about issues, they wanted to know what God said. On many occasions, I would respond with, "I don't know, but let's find out together" and we would dig into the word and seek to find the truth. I could see that these kids were living in the Spirit, seeking to follow God's will in what they did. I loved learning from them.

Unfortunately, there were many adults that didn't view these teenagers the same way. They saw young people who were rowdy, with crazy hair styles and fashions that didn't make sense in their "normal" adult world. Some people thought these kids, who were spending hours around my kitchen table devouring the word of God, were a "disgrace" to the church. They thought the teens should dress differently and look differently. After all, if they are Christians they need to clean up and look the part.

How ridiculous is that?

In 1 Timothy 4:12, Paul addresses the younger Timothy on being an example.

¹²Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

Many believers read this verse through personal bias of what they perceive the outward appearance of a Christian should be. They immediately jump to the conclusion that if a young person (or any person for that matter) is truly following Jesus, they will dress a certain way, worship a certain way, essentially - they will look the part.

Paul is addressing something much deeper here. He's not addressing the outward appearance, he's addressing the inner workings of the individual. He's telling them to "Be an example"...

In speech...

Psalm 19:14 - May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight,
Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Though their language was different than the older believers, the words were honest, heartfelt and true. These young people were indeed examples of hearts that were truly, desperately seeking God.

In conduct...

Phillipans 1:27 - Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel.

These young people were conducting themselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. There was rarely a day that went by that they didn't bring a new person over to share the gospel. They wanted others to know Jesus. They were passionate about what they had received. Their conduct may have been "different" than the oder generation's, but that doesn't mean it was wrong, contrary, I believe that God was well pleased as they were striving together for the faith of the gospel.

In love...

John 15:12-14 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.

These young people were an amazing example of love! I witnessed the length they would go to in order to help their friends. I observed their deep concern for the lost. They prayed shamelessly and ferverently that their friends and family members would truly know Christ. They seized every opportunity to witness to others. They looked for ways they could demonstrate Christ's love.

In faith...

James 2:18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds.

These young people were a true example of faith in action. They were continually seeking the Lord for His direction, they weren't content to just "play the part" of a Christian, they wanted to truly BE Christians!

In purity...

Psalm 119: 9 How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.

Simple concept, yet so difficult for most people to understand. Live according to the word of God. This requires that you study the word of God, read the word of God, know the word of God. I learned more of God's word during that period of my life than at any other time. The young people taught me how to know God. They pursued understanding and were passionate about what God has to say!

Twelve years later, the effects of that group of young people are still at work. That group of radical, crazy hair, strange clothes, loud music, frequently goofy, passionate young people produced a number of pastors, pastors wives, and individuals working in full-time ministry yet today. I count it a privilege to have been part of what God was doing in their lives. They each hold a very special place in my heart. More importantly, I am blessed that each of them taught me how to live by faith. Thank you Lord for using your young people to shape my life!

Needs

2012-10-03T05:05:00.000-07:00

I need new running shoes...and new brakes on my car...and contacts and glasses...and new winter clothes...and a new mattress...and a massage...the list goes on and on.

I was figuring out my finances the other day and I made a list of needs. Being a Type-A personality, I divided my list into immediate needs (things I need to purchase from this paycheck) and needs to plan for. Before long, my list was huge! Staring at this giant list of unfulfilled needs was discouraging. After all; I work two jobs, how can I have so many needs?

Last night, as I was making the 40 minute drive to my second job I was considering these needs when this passage of scripture came to mind - Phillipians 4:19...

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

I joyed at the thought! What a relief! God will supply all my needs! And then it hit me...there's more to it. We can't look at that verse alone, we have to look at the entire context. Just before Paul writes that sentence to the people in Phillipi, he is sharing with them about being content in every circumstance.

¹¹I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

¹⁴Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. ¹⁵Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; ¹⁶for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid more than once when I was in need. ¹⁷Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account. ¹⁸I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent.

They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. ¹⁹And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

Reality hit me. I went back to my "need" list and reviewed. Yes, there are a few things that are true needs, but in reality, most of the list is composed of wants. My bills are paid. I have a roof over my head. I have running water. I have heat in the winter and air conditioning in the summer. I have food to eat and a car to drive. I have clothes to wear. I have an excess of "stuff" that surrounds me. Most importantly, I have the promise of eternal life with Jesus Christ. What I really need is to learn to be content! God has truly supplied all my needs! He has blessed me abundantly!

What a valuable lesson to remember. God has never let me go without my true needs being fulfilled. He takes care of everything I really NEED and often gives me my wants as well. Thank you Lord for supplying all my needs according to YOUR riches in glory!

Created On Purpose

2012-09-28T04:41:00.001-07:00

Recently I was asked about the title I chose for this blog. Why "Created on Purpose"? What's the significance?

Elementary school was not kind to me...particularly the fourth grade. I was a homely child with buck teeth and glasses. To top it off, my orthodontist installed this mouth apparatus that was the equivalent of wiring my mouth shut causing my speech to sound funny to the other kids. I was the target of relentless teasing. I remember one time - another "cool" kid told me that when God was looking through boxes for parts to make me out of, he grabbed the box of leftover junk. That stuck with me. Maybe he's right. Maybe I am a pile of God's leftovers.

Is that what I truly believe about myself? That I am no more than leftover junk?

I admit it, I struggle with self image. I don't always feel like I measure up. I am insecure. The world that surrounds me screams that I should be thinner, prettier, smarter, or more successful. I attend functions and feel inferior to the seemingly "perfect" people around. If I'm not careful, I begin to long for something other than what I am. I become disgruntled with the talents and abilities that God has given me. I begin to resent the path that my life has taken. If I were honest, I'd have to say that many times I don't really like myself.

I go through phases where I try to be different. I determine to change the outside in hopes that others will notice and I will somehow feel complete. I try to act like something I"m not in a feeble attempt at somehow becoming significant. My desperate attempts at change leave me feeling nothing more than empty...again.

Life circumstances threaten to crush me. I wonder if God truly did throw me together with some leftover junk. I question, did he put me here as an experiment to see how many blows His creation could take? Or worse yet, did He put me here and realize that He really didn't like what He created so He isn't paying attention to it?

When I start that downward spiral, I have to force myself back to the word of God. I have to immerse myself in the truth about what He thinks of me. He reminds me that I am CREATED ON PURPOSE.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I am not an afterthought. I am not leftover junk. His word tells me that I am His masterpiece, His design, His plan. He thought about how I should be designed. He has specific plans for my life. He finds me to be valuable and significant!

We live in a world that causes us to think that we aren't valuable because we lack what someone else has. God doesn't compare us to others...He values each one of us. He loves us because He created us. He loves us because He designed us for a specific purpose.

It doesn't matter what kind of garbage life has handed you.
God loves you and has a purpose for your life.
It doesn't matter what others say about you.
God loves you and has a purpose for your life.
It doesn't matter what kind of terrible decisions you've made in the past.
God loves you and has a purpose for your life.

You (and I) were truly "Created on Purpose".

Psalm 45:11
Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.

Mercy in the Wilderness

2012-09-27T06:08:00.003-07:00

Have you ever felt like you are completely lost? Like someone dropped you into the middle of the wilderness and you're all alone? Like the world around you threatens to consume you?

Maybe it's a difficult marriage or an unreasonable boss. Perhaps it's a damaged relationship with a close friend. Maybe you've been wounded by those you were supposed to be able to trust.

In recent years, I've wandered through my own wilderness. I've experienced the agony that accompanies broken relationships and the pain that comes when you discover that the very people you believed would be there to carry you in your time of need have turned away. I've experienced the loss of nearly everything that was dear to me and a loss of everything I thought I could depend on - EXCEPT GOD.

Throughout those years (yes, I said years...it takes a long time to find your way out of the wilderness - just look at the Israelites), I kept being drawn back to Psalm 136:16...

to him who led his people through the wilderness;
His love endures forever.

Wait a minute...to him who LED his people through the wilderness? Did you catch that? It doesn't say to him who FOUND his people in the wilderness, or to him who RESCUED his people from the wilderness, it says to him who LED THEM THROUGH! What a reassuring thought! I wasn't lost out there waiting for him to find me...he knew right where I was. This wilderness experience wasn't a surprise to him. He would lead me through it.

So I dove headfirst into the word of God and determined to discover whatever lessons He had for me along the way. I looked at the Israelites and their journey through the wilderness to the Promised Land. It took 40 years for the Israelites to make what should have been an 11 day journey. Why did it take so long? Because God was teaching them and they had ALOT to learn!

The Israelites had a faith/trust problem.

These were people who had been in bondage to Pharoah with no hope of escape. People who were freed from their slavery by the Lord. People who had witnessed the 12 plagues that the Lord wrought upon Pharoah & Egypt. People who had witnessed the Lord guiding them with a pillar of cloud leading them by day and a pillar of fire leading them by night. People who had seen God part the Red Sea so they could cross on dry land. People who celebrated when the same Red Sea consumed Pharoah's armies. People who had witnessed God change bitter water to pure water for them to drink.

Yet, within the first few months of their freedom, they are longingly looking back at their old life and wishing for their familiar provisions. Exodus 16:1-3...

...on the fifteenth day of the second month after they had come out of Egypt. ²In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. ³The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.”

After all that the Lord had done for them, they still figured they would die in the wilderness due to lack of provision. As I read that, I marvel at how dull they truly were, but then, I look inward and discover that I am no different. Even though I have witnessed God's hand mightily in my life, in the middle of my crisis, I begin to wonder if God is abandoning me and doubt His ability to provide for my circumstance.

They had an obedience problem

A few months into the journey, the Lord calls Moses up on the mountain to receive instructions for the people. The people witnessed the Lord consuming Mt Sinai with smoke and the mountain trembling and the voice of God answering Moses. (If you ask me, this would be sufficient evidence to do whatever God wants them to do!). Yet while Moses is up on the mountain with God for forty days receiving instructions, they are quickly led astray and are melting down their jewelry to make idols and bowing down to worship the things that they have made. Exodus 32: 1-8...

When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.”

²Aaron answered them, “Take off the gold earrings that your wives, your sons and your daughters are wearing, and bring them to me.” ³So all the people took off their earrings and brought them to Aaron. ⁴He took what they handed him and made it into an idol cast in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool. Then they said, “These are your gods,Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.”

⁵When Aaron saw this, he built an altar in front of the calf and announced, “Tomorrow there will be a festival to the Lord.” ⁶So the next day the people rose early and sacrificed burnt offerings and presented fellowship offerings. Afterward they sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in revelry.

⁷Then the Lord said to Moses, “Go down, because your people, whom you brought up out of Egypt, have become corrupt. ⁸They have been quick to turn away from what I commanded them and have made themselves an idol cast in the shape of a calf. They have bowed down to it and sacrificed to it and have said, ‘These are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.’

Think about that...forty days after receiving instructions directly from God, they get a "better" idea and run off and do their own thing! My first thought is, what a bunch of idiots! But then, when I look inward I find that many times I do the same thing. I know what God wants me to do, yet somehow, I find myself doing my own thing.

They were rebellious

The people were once again grumbling and complaining to Moses about their circumstances when the Lord specifically instructed them on how they were to proceed into the promised land and who was going to enter it. Numbers 14:20-25...

²⁰The Lord replied, “I have forgiven them, as you asked. ²¹Nevertheless, as surely as I live and as surely as the glory of the Lord fills the whole earth, ²²not one of those who saw my glory and the signs I performed in Egypt and in the wilderness but who disobeyed me and tested me ten times— ²³not one of them will ever see the land I promised on oath to their ancestors. No one who has treated me with contempt will ever see it. ²⁴But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it. ²⁵Since the Amalekites and the Canaanites are living in the valleys, turn back tomorrow and set out toward the desert along the route to the Red Sea.”

Rather than accept the Lord's instruction and obey what He had commanded, they decided to take matters into their own hands and enter the Promised Land on their terms in their own way which ultimately ended up in their destruction. Numbers 14: 39-45

³⁹When Moses reported this to all the Israelites, they mourned bitterly. ⁴⁰Early the next morning they set out for the highest point in the hill country, saying, “Now we are ready to go up to the land the Lord promised. Surely we have sinned!”

⁴¹But Moses said, “Why are you disobeying the Lord’s command? This will not succeed! ⁴²Do not go up, because the Lord is not with you. You will be defeated by your enemies, ⁴³for the Amalekites and the Canaanites will face you there. Because you have turned away from the Lord, he will not be with you and you will fall by the sword.”

⁴⁴Nevertheless, in their presumption they went up toward the highest point in the hill country, though neither Moses nor the ark of the Lord’s covenant moved from the camp. ⁴⁵Then the Amalekites and the Canaanites who lived in that hill country came down and attacked them and beat them down all the way to Hormah.

Again, I'm thinking...you dummies...you had the instruction right from God, yet you still headed your own direction thinking that you knew better? How dull can you be? Then, I look at my own life and see that I have the word of God right in front of me (the Bible), yet, I try to do things my way. I know what God says, but I think that I have a better plan.

I wonder, what would have happened if the Lord would have taken the Israelites out of the desert miraculously? What if rather than leading them through that wilderness, He would have just promptly placed them in the Promised Land? I have a feeling that things would have been pretty bad. You see, sometimes we have to walk through difficulties rather than be delivered from them for our own benefit. We have to suffer a little so that we can grow. We have to be broken down so that we can be made new again.

Through my own wilderness experience, I came across a song by Steve Camp that I listened to continually. The words of the song ministered to me as I nursed the wounds that life had delivered. Each time I heard the lyrics, my mind was bouncing between the parallels of my journey and that of the Israelites and I asked myself, "What is the Lord showing me?" and I reminded myself that no matter where I am, God is present and there indeed is Mercy in the Wilderness.

MERCY IN THE WILDERNESS

Every day that I walk with You

You break me down and You make me new

Though my faith is tried, this I know is true

There is mercy in the wilderness

Through the valley deep and the mountain high

You have been my strength and Your Word my guide

I have known Your grace through the tears I've cried

There is mercy in the wilderness

In the barren place where the hard winds blow

Oh my flesh cries out, "Lord refresh my soul!"

Oh the Lord is kind

And the Lord is good

He is faithful to His children

Through the fire and flood

He has with me stood

He gives mercy in the wilderness

Oh the chastening of the Father's hand

Yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness

Though our hope is born in sorrow there'll be joy at last

There is mercy in the wilderness

So I thank You Lord for my every trial

The Father's love confirms me as His child

Choices

2012-09-26T05:54:00.001-07:00

Choices. We make thousands of choices daily. Little choices, big choices, some seemingly inconsequential choices. We can't avoid them. From the moment we wake up we are faced with them. Whether it's deciding to hit the snooze button one more time or deciding to make a major career or life change, our choices have consequences.It may be a minor consequence such as having to rush in the morning, it may be a consequence that doesn't show up immediately such as weight gain or health problems due to poor food choices, it may be a major consequence such as a broken marriage or damaged relationships. We are impacted by other people's choices and many of our choices have a domino effect into the lives of others. Without a doubt our choices have a significant impact.

As teenager, I recall thinking that everyone around me was making the choices for my life. My parents, teachers, and coaches seemed to be dictators deciding what was best for me. I couldn't wait to grow up, move out, and make my own choices. I was determined that I knew what was best for my life. I wanted to be in control. I was certain that I could make better choices. Little did I know, the choices that felt like dictatorship were actually protecting me. Unfortunately, I did move out immediately upon graduating and quickly discovered that choices are very difficult and can forever alter your life.

Some time ago, I was talking with my youngest son who is in the Army. He was telling me how much he loved basic training, which I found to be one of the most ridiculous things I had ever heard. How could anyone "love" having a drill seargant wake you at all hours, yell at you, and require you to do things that you don't want to do.

My son saw things differently. He explained that there is a sense of security when you know that your commanders and others in charge already have a plan. There is comfort when you know that you don't have to decide the course of action, you just have to follow the orders and complete the mission. There is peace when you realize that their goal is not to harm you, but to protect you from harm so that you can continue to carry out your mission.

I've been thinking about this ever since. In a nutshell, he explained true submission. His military experience provided me with a picture of what I wish my relationship with Christ looked like. Do I experience that sense of security knowing that God is in control? Look at what his word tells me in Isaiah 46:10...

¹⁰I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say, ‘My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.’

Do I find comfort knowing that I don't have to decide the course of action, I just have to follow His orders and complete the mission? He reminds me in 2 Corinthians 5:7...

⁷For we live by faith, not by sight.

Do I truly have peace knowing that His goal is not to harm me, but to protect me from harm so that I can carry out the mission? I am reminded in Deuteronomy 31:6....

⁶Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

It seems I have another choice to make. The choice to trust. The choice to believe that God is in control and I am not. The choice to be obedient to His plan. The choice to truly submit to One who is greater than I and to yield my will to his will. After all, He did choose me. John 15:16....

¹⁶You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.