I know… stupid question.

“Of course I haven’t reached them! I’m still ugly, sick, broke, and stupid!”

Hold on there, partner… let me tell you a story:

A few years back, I signed up for TUT’s Notes from the Universe (highly recommended, and yes, I am an affiliate). Along with the signup, as a way to personalize the messages, I was asked to fill out a little form. One of the things to enter was “If I could have anything, I would have…” (or something like that… it has been a while.)

I typed in “a profitable personal development business.”

And I sat back smuggly… look at that, me setting a SMART goal (yes, I know now that it really wasn’t, but back then, oh boy, I just thought I had it going on!)

Every once in a while, that little goal I had set would pop up in the regular emails… and I’d wonder when it was going to happen.

Just the other day, I realize – O My God… it has!

Profitable – an amount of money greater than zero when expenses are deducted from income.

Check.

Personal Development – Creating a Better Life, Free Personal Development Material, and my newest The Diary Of A Quitter are all centered around personal growth.

Check.

Business – When I filed my taxes this year, for the first time I included the income and expense forms as they relate to my websites.

Check.

Looks like I’ve got a Profitable Personal Development Business.

Ha!

It’s not anywhere near where it will be in the future, but it meets all of the criteria that I entered that day long ago.

The Lesson

While I’m not bashing my own accomplishment here, one thing that I could have done better (and have now done) is made the goal whole lot more specific – a dollar amount and a time frame are a good start.

This is pretty basic stuff (there’s really nothing new in personal development), but I’ll reiterate it here.

Get as specific as possible (the “S” in the SMART acronym) when setting your goals.

Otherwise, if your goal is to lose weight, then once you drop a pound or two you’ve achieved what you set out to do.

If your goal is to not smoke, then you’ve reached it anytime you aren’t smoking and don’t plan on having another one.

Yes, dropping a pound or two or not poisoning the air 24/7 is a good thing – but maybe we can do a little bit better.

It doesn’t have to be a lot… just a little bit better, a little bit at a time.

Just be SMART about it. (OK, that was corny… but true!)

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It’s always been fascinating to me just how interconnected our lives are.

I was reminded of this once again this morning when I noticed a link from this uplifting article on Amit Sodha’s “The Power of Choice”. In it, he describes how he used a quote that he came across here on Creating a Better Life in a talk to some students.

[Anyone out there know who first said "Fall Down Twice, Stand Up Three Times"? I'd really like to know where I got that from.]

So something I wrote way back when got used on the other side of the world to inspire some students who have never heard of me and I’ll probably never meet. Fascinating.. and pretty cool!

Let me explain why I’m blowing my own horn here.

About an hour before discovering Amit’s article, I was in a Facebook back and forth with Robin Skeen, in which I said that I’ve had writers block for a little more than a year now.

Yes, I’ve done some blogging (I was really in the zone when I wrote this review of “How To Be Rich and Happy”), but I’ve flaked quite a bit, both on writing for this blog, and on doing promised guest posts and reviews for others. (Extra apologies to Seamus and Chuck.)

There’s a very simple reason for my lack of production.

I stopped believing that I had anything worthwhile to say.

I mean, come on. I’m just a guy, working a low level job, an ex-drunk who still wrestles with depression and keeps picking up cigarettes no matter how many times he says “That’s It”.

And I’m going to write about personal development?

Yup!

Personal development isn’t about being perfect… it’s about development. It’s about learning to be a little better today than you were yesterday.

And if you were a little worse today? That just means that it’ll be easier to be better tomorrow.

For better or worse, you are permanently married to you. All you have to be is who you want to be. Actually, you don’t “have to” do anything – but it’s insane to measure yourself against anyone but yourself.

Own a software company? You don’t have to be Bill Gates.

Write fiction? Forget about being Stephen King.

Internet Marketer? There’s only one Mark Joyner.

Personal Development Blogger? Stop trying to be Steve Pavlina.

Not that we can’t learn from these people… they all have lessons to teach.

But I don’t want to be anyone by Lyman. “Writer’s Block” and all.

(Holy Moley… I think I just wrote something…)
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Have you ever been on a diet? Most of you probably said you have. Why is it that some people develop eating disorders and others don’t?

When someone talks about an eating disorder they are usually referring to anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating or some combination of the three.

What most people don’t understand is that an eating disorder is more than just a fad or a diet, it is a behavior that saturates all parts of the person’s life; it’s physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Focusing on food, weight, calories and exercise becomes a way to cope with feelings, emotions and life circumstances. The eating disorder behavior is just a symptom that something is not right internally.

Imagine a young girl, who at the age of thirteen was told by her doctor to lose weight, and went from 140 pounds down to 80 pounds in just 6 months, and for the next 23 years of her life, was in and out of treatment centers and hospitals fighting a life and death battle with anorexia, bingeing, compulsive exercise and suicide.

I know first hand what it’s like to have an eating disorder; because that young girl was me, but today I am happy and healthy.

Here’s my story:

Growing up I felt very different from other people. “I’m not pretty enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not funny enough, I’m not thin enough, I’m just not enough.” From my earliest memory I loved to eat. Food was my best friend and it was all I would think about. In school I couldn’t wait to get home because as soon as I got home food was there with open arms waiting for me. I was in love with food and spent a lot of time with it. Food was my best friend and it comforted me. I watched TV with it, I hid in the closet and under the bed with it, and I would steal money from my mom to go buy more food. “I love you food, you are always here for me.”

At age thirteen when I was told by a doctor to go on a diet, my relationship with food changed. Instead of eating it, I would just smell it, and then throw it down the garbage disposal. I became angry at food. Whenever I saw it I thought “You’re making me fat, that’s why nobody likes me.” I started eating less and less and focused more on taking care of the people around me, trying to please them. “Will you love me if I cook and clean for you, how about if I agree with you and do exactly what you say, will you love me then?” Even when I did these things, it still wasn’t good enough and I felt like a failure.

“Hello Exercise”

As I was slowly letting go of food, exercise became my next best friend. I didn’t exercise a lot at the beginning, but when I started losing weight, I began to exercise more and more. Not only did it make me feel good, but it helped me to lose weight. Both the feeling of exercise and losing weight was so gratifying internally and externally, that I didn’t want to stop.

Everywhere I went people were telling me; “wow Debra, you look great.” I began to build my sense of self around the success and positive attention I got for being thin. For the first time in my life I felt acknowledged and appreciated. I thought, “This is the best feeling ever.”

My relationship with food now became a secret love affair. When I was with food no one was allowed to disturb me or see me eat, it was as if I was doing something bad. I wanted to eat, but it was a struggle because I thought if I did, I would get fat and lose all the positive attention I was getting. The more I cut back on food, the more bizarre my eating became. “I’m hungry and I want to eat, but if I do, I’ll get fat. Okay cheerios, I will eat 6 of you one at a time. I see you banana, but you are too big. I’ll cut you in half, nope, still too big. Okay, I’ll eat you but I’ll have to cut you in thirty pieces so you will last a long time.” I stopped using utensils and ate everything with my fingers; it was easier to eat slowly that way.

“Finally, it’s Monday, it’s binge day! I’m free. Come here ice cream, ooh and chocolate cupcakes, and my favorite chocolate peanut butter cups, I see you pop-tarts, chocolate pudding, brownies, finally, I get to eat.”

I ate the same foods, at the same time, in the same way everyday, unless it was Monday, which was binge day. Eating this way became my “comfort” zone (so I thought) actually I never felt comfortable; it was just a shield that I hid behind that I thought kept me “safe.” The eating disorder became a mask that was comfortable, not because it fit, but because I did it for so long.

Have you ever been in a situation where you were upset, worried or anxious and finally found something that made you feel better? And what was it that made you feel better? And did you continue to go back to that person, place or thing to help you feel better? Well, this is how addictions often start. Whenever I felt bad, I would engage in the eating disorder behavior to feel better. At the beginning I used the behaviors to lose weight, and because losing weight made me feel good, over time I would engage in the behaviors to help me feel better and to cope with uncomfortable feelings and situations. After awhile I became trapped, my mind took over, my behavior became automatic making it more difficult to stop and I was on a path of self destruction.

My life was consumed by eating disorder behaviors. If I wasn’t eating, I was exercising, reading cook books or baking for others. I loved food and was obsessed with it, but I didn’t allow myself to enjoy it because of the association I had with it. Having food inside me gave me a sense of connection to my body, and I didn’t want to be connected to something I hated (which was me). Whenever I ate, my emotions and feelings became more intense. I used food as a child to stuff down all my uncomfortable feelings. Now when I ate, those feelings would surface and I didn’t want to feel them so I would exercise all day because it was the only thing I knew that would help me feel better.

I thought that if I sat still for longer than a minute I’d get fat. When I looked down at my thighs I literally thought I saw them spreading right before my eyes. When I looked in the mirror I saw myself as a 500 pound woman. My fears and negative thoughts about myself were being transferred into how I viewed my body.

Being so consumed with food and exercise I didn‘t have to deal with anything else. I was determined to stop the process of life. “I don’t want to grow up; I don’t know how to take care of myself, I don’t deserve to live, please someone, show me you love me by taking care of me.” I was too frightened to take responsibility for myself.

I was forcing my body into a form approved by others but completely opposite from my true nature. Food, exercise, my body and love all became intertwined. The feeling of food inside my body triggered a panic response and I would immediately exercise to “soothe it.” The feelings didn’t go away; I was just pushing them down more and more by running. It worked up until it didn’t.

After dwindling down to 80 pounds at 5 feet 6 inches tall, I entered my first hospital at age 14, and for the next 23 years of my life I lived in an eating—exercising trance. At the beginning it gave me a sense of power and control, but after awhile I was being controlled by my thoughts and behavior and I felt like I no longer had a choice. There were times when I when I was so desperate to stop the behavior and when I couldn’t, I attempted to kill myself thinking that would be the solution.

My inner and outer worlds seemed too frightening and the eating disorder became my protection. I did it for so long; it turned into my identity and automatic way of life. I was a robot, existing but not living. My body was just a vehicle responding to the dictates of my mind. The more I did the behavior, the more I impressed the thoughts and ideas on my subconscious mind, making them fixed and habituated. Even when I made some changes it didn’t last because the thoughts and behaviors were so engrained.

I continued to get worse over the years even after going through numerous hospitals and treatment centers. I ran to hospitals and treatment centers looking and begging for some relief, which I got, but it was only momentarily. As soon as I left, and was responsible for my life, I resorted right back to the eating disorder behaviors and once again became trapped. I temporarily changed my physical appearance, but I never changed the unconscious patterns and limiting beliefs I held about myself and the world, thus I automatically went back to my old patterns. I was filled with so much fear and self hatred and didn’t feel that I deserved to or even wanted to live.

Everyone around me got frustrated because they didn’t understand; know what to do or how to help. At the beginning I got praise for losing weight, but when I became too thin, I received blame, anger and resentment from significant others. The things that were said to me made me feel even worse about myself, and I would continue to starve and/or binge and exercise to escape those feelings. It was a lose-lose situation all around.

My life was contained and controlled. Nothing could come in and I wouldn’t come out. I had such a negative perception of myself and the world. I didn’t allow myself to enjoy nice things because I felt that I didn’t deserve them. I didn’t travel because I wouldn’t have access to my “safe foods.” I limited my time with people because it would get in the way of eating or exercising. I was locked inside my “safe” house or should I say a prison of my own creation, looking out the windows and watching everyone else enjoying their lives. I was playing two roles, the mean prison guard and the prisoner.

People would say to me, “I wish I was as thin as you. Or I wish I was anorexic.” I don’t think they truly understood the torture I was living in. Most people think that it’s just about being thin and able to control food. I always wanted to say; “Okay, you want to be anorexic; here’s the deal, NO MORE FUN, EVER AGAIN! How’s that! “You can only eat certain foods, and they must be eaten at a certain time in a certain way, you can’t change your schedule for any reason, you have to wake up at the same time every morning, you must keep moving all day long to burn calories, you can’t try anything new because you won’t like it and you’ll fail, you can buy new clothes but you can’t wear them, you must put others first, you must constantly put yourself down, do you want me to keep going because there’s more.” Being anorexic means depriving yourself of any pleasure.

Doctors, treatment centers and hospitals wouldn’t allow me to come back after numerous visits. It seemed as if everyone gave up on me. This was actually the best thing that happened because I kept doing the same things over and over again expecting different results.

The anorexia served a purpose in my life; it gave me a sense of comfort, safety, and control. It worked up until the moment it didn’t. By taking small steps everyday in loving myself, and changing my perception to a more empowered way of viewing things, I started to get in touch with “the real me” and live from my true desires. As I did this the eating disorder started to slowly fade. Yes, life does have challenges, and these challenges are here to make me stronger.

I’m very grateful for everything that has happened and continues to happen in my life, it has made me who I am today. Through my experiences I gain tremendous insight and become more enlightened. Life is process, a never ending journey and everyday we get to learn something new and exciting about ourselves and the world around us. We are more than just a body, there is a tender spirit inside each one of us that is beautiful, happy, and loving, and wants to shine. Will you let it?

Steps to Overcome an Eating Disorder

First and foremost know you’ve done nothing wrong. Be gentle and loving with yourself and treat yourself as if you were the most important person in the world, because you are. Recovery is a process. Don’t beat yourself up if you fall back, just get right back up from where you are and continue to move forward.

Embrace all your experiences from the past and in the present because they serve a purpose. See what you can learn from them. You might want to try viewing them from a different perspective.

Surround yourself with people who support and love you unconditionally. People who allow you to have you own feelings and experiences without trying to change them.

Take moments in the day to be still and experience your feelings and emotions fully. Embrace any and all feelings that come up and allow them to just be there without analyzing or judging them. Once you allow yourself to experience your feelings fully, you will be able to receive the messages they are bringing you. This can open a door of tremendous insight and guidance. When we let go of something old, we allow something new to emerge.

Stop at the first thought of engaging in the eating disorder behavior and ask yourself, “How did I know it was time to do this.” Write in your journal and see what comes up for you. This will help you understand what is really going on.
Speak your truth regardless how you might think others will respond. It might be frightening at first, however, you will gain more respect and trust in yourself and from the people around you.

Honor the fact that you’ve been given this life experience to do something wonderful. You might not know what that is yet, but as you allow things to fall away that no longer serve you, the real you will shine. You are not an object; and you are not the eating disorder. You are a precious human being who deserves to have a beautiful, happy and abundant life.

Meditation is a way to quiet your mind from all the chatter. It can also be a way to access your inner wisdom and true self. By doing this you will often be guided in making better choices for your yourself.

Find a hypnotherapist who can help you reframe past hurts, negative thoughts and limiting beliefs you hold about yourself. Because the mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real or imagined, hypnosis is a safe place for you to experience what it would be like to think and act differently. This new way of thinking will start to override the old.

Notice the things you think and say. Whenever you think or speak in ways that don’t serve you, immediately change your thoughts or words to ones that do, (even if you don’t believe it) and repeat them in your mind over and over until you feel something shift inside you.

Everyday do something new, even if it’s just getting out of bed on a different side. Once your subconscious mind becomes familiar with change, it will be open to more. By aligning your conscious mind with your subconscious, you’ll become more relaxed and at peace and your life will start to flow more easily.

You are a precious gift, take some time to get to know the beautiful being you are. You are already perfect; you have all the tools inside you to be you. You deserve to live a happy, peaceful and abundant life, are you ready?

—

Debra Mittler is the author of Free yourself from Anorexia and Bulimia now available at www.HypnosisIsFreedom.com and Amazon.com. Along with her personal journey of insight and revelation are a series of step-by-step processes and questionnaires designed to help the reader build confidence, improve self esteem, and replace negative thinking patterns and behaviors with positive ones that build personal growth, strength and power.

Debra Mittler is a Certified Hypnotherapist, Speaker, author and Life Coach in Culver City, California. She has individual clients for all areas of self improvement as well as speaks on eating disorders and teaches self-hypnosis classes.

For more information contact:

Debra Mittler
Debra@HypnosisIsFreedom.com
www.HypnosisIsFreedom.com

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[editor's note: This is an excerpt from the book "How to Be Rich and Happy" by Tim Brownson and John P. Strelecky. Feel free to read my review of the book at this link. Please note that I do have an affiliate relationship with Tim and John. Also note that, as explained in the book, stories in the first person can be either Tim or John.]

You are both the problem and the solution in bringing your Rich and Happy life into being. But who is you?

The fact that you are aware of the voice inside your head doing play by play commentary as your life evolves, means that you are something more than just your physical body. And that’s a huge Rich and Happy insight.

For most people, every perception they hold of themselves is an illusion. It started being created before they were even born and continues to be created each day that they let it.

Perhaps you were one of those children who people said was “forgetful”, or “shy”, or “not very coordinated,” or some other hand-me-down belief. Now that you are an adult, you may even find yourself telling others the same thing – “Oh, I can’t go speak to my new boss about my interest in that new position, I’m just too shy,” or “I’d like to go try that, but I’m just not that adventurous.”

Maybe your family’s financial situation, ancestry, where you were born, your hair color, and who knows what else, resulted in a bombardment of stereotype categorizations from not just the people around you, but also from movies, television, and advertisements.

The good news for you, is that your situation is not unique. Everyone has someone out there who at one time or another has told them who or what they are, or who or what they could become. Probably way more than one person.

There’s something important you need to know though.

Rich and Happy people realize that part of the Rich and Happy formula is choosing who you are going to be and how you are going to act.

That’s right, you get to choose. You can take a look at everything you are, all the ways you act in different situations, and then keep the ones you like, and replace the one’s you don’t.

Let me give you an example of this.

Chad grew up in a very non-traditional home. When he was young his parents got divorced, his mom then chose an alternative lifestyle and moved her kids around the country with little focus on security, including if they’d have food on the table each day. In his early teens, the sheriff showed up at the place they were staying and evicted them because of non-payment of rent. With no way to support them, his mom sent them to their dad who they hardly knew. That lasted for a few years until Chad left and went out on his own.

Hardly a nurturing and carefree environment to grow up in. And according to Chad, it showed in his approach to almost everything. Although he tried to mask it, his inner world was a perpetual state of fear and concern about what might happen next, or go wrong next. Some of the manifestations of this, were that decision making was very stressful for him, as were social situations. His fears about saying or doing something “wrong”, which would then lead to unknown trauma, were paralyzing him.

Finally one day, he had a personal epiphany. He decided that instead of accepting the emotional and then the corresponding physical state he always felt when he became stressed and fearful, he would choose a different one.

The next time he sensed his anxiety level start to go up, he asked himself a very simple question. A Rich and Happy question. “If I were James Bond, how would I feel, and what would I do right now?”

The answer that he instantly knew, was that if he were James Bond, he would proceed in a calm, cool, self-confident, fashion. So he pretended he was James Bond, and did those things. It proved to be a life-changing decision.

Chad chose to stop acting in alignment with the illusion that he had allowed others to convince him his life was, and instead, chose his own behaviors and actions.

Now James Bond may not be the right choice for you. Maybe it’s Laura Croft, Spiderman, a former teacher you had, some particular friend, relative, historical figure… The choices are endless.

They can be real people, someone from the past, a fictional character, whoever. It doesn’t matter who the person is. All you have to do is think of the attributes or personality traits they exhibit, that you want to have as well, and then act like they do.

What matters is that you realize you are the one in control of picking, and that the new way in which you act after you have chosen, is even more accurate than the ways you currently act, because the new ways reflect you making your own choices.

My own encounter with this piece of the Rich and Happy formula occurred shortly after I began my Rich and Happy quest.

I was traveling with a co-worker and we were discussing some of the other people we worked with. I mentioned that I really admired one particular person because they never seemed to let things get to them. They had the ability to maintain not only a state of calm, but a positive attitude at all times.

I looked at my co-worker and commented how I wished I was more like that. My co-worker turned to me and uttered words that changed my life. He smiled and said, “So be more like that.”

As strange as it may sound, that was the first time I realized that the choice was mine.

Do you remember the earlier material about beliefs? Well, in a given situation as you are choosing to be James Bond, Laura Croft, or some other person, keep in mind that we demonstrate the beliefs we hold not just by the characters we choose to be, but by the whole stories we choose to tell.

Whether you have thought about it before or not, the truth is, we all tell stories. It’s how we communicate. When somebody calls me to talk about coaching, I hear their story and I offer my story back. This may be something as banal as the person telling me they want to book an appointment to talk about stress and me replying I haven’t got anything available for two weeks because I’m fully booked. Or it can be something more complex like a client going into detail telling me they hate their job, their boss and their life.

Not only do you tell stories to other people, but you tell them to yourself too. Stories about being unlucky or unworthy, about not being lovable or not clever enough. Stories of failing with the opposite sex, or even the same sex, and stories about being a victim.

However, our stories are only true if we make them true by believing in and living them.

Imagine Steven Spielberg sat you down in front of a computer and told you he wanted to film the story of your life. Not as it has been, but as you would like it to be from now on, and this is your chance to write the script. What would you write?

Would you compose a rip snorting, page turning, blockbuster of a story that takes your breath away in which you live a Rich and Happy life? Or would you copy and paste the same old stuff over from yesterday because it’s easier?

The answer should depend on what you really want and not what you believe you deserve or are capable of.

There is a book called The Hero With A Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell. In it Campbell describes the ‘Monomyth’ or as it is more frequently called now, ‘The Hero’s Journey’.

The Hero’s Journey is an adventure, a rites of passage, that has been used as a formula by many great writers stretching back hundreds of years. Hollywood turns to it on a regular basis and it has been the structure for dozens of blockbuster movies such as Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Magnificent Seven, The Matrix, Independence Day, Star Wars, Harry Potter and many of the Disney films.

What if you used this formula for your life?

What if you decided to sit down and plan your life with blank paper? What if you fully believed that what happened yesterday doesn’t necessarily effect what will happen tomorrow – unless you want it to?

Think of the endless possibilities.

The Hero’s Journey is broken into three stages; The Departure, The Initiation and The Return. Each stage is broken down still further so that you can have up to seventeen component parts depending on how exciting you want it to be.

The only rule being that you always write a happy ending, which in this case, is a Rich and Happy ending.

The Beginning: The journey starts with the hero being in a situation where they are not completely comfortable or happy with their life. Maybe they are on automatic pilot, always struggling for money or stuck in a dead-end job they hate?

Are you 100% satisfied with your life? Do you know deep down there are changes you could make that would improve it beyond measure. Do you yearn to be Rich and Happy?

The Call To Adventure: Then the hero gets a call to action. Something happens that makes them realize they have to act.

How many times have you heard that internal voice telling you that there is more to life than this? How many calls to action have you ignored in your life?

The Refusal of the Call: The hero refuses the call because of fear that they are not able to complete the task.

Until now you have refused the call to be Rich and Happy, that’s why you’re reading this book. Most likely it is self-doubt and/or fear that has held you back.

The Mentor: The hero is convinced by a wise mentor or teacher that they can indeed be a hero and complete the task. The mentor can be a real person, an apparition, a character in a book…

Of course you may not know all the details yet about your own Rich and Happy future, but the seeds of possibility have been planted. For your adventure, as long as you become convinced you can be the Rich and Happy person you want to be, it doesn’t matter who or what gets you to that stage?

Crossing The Threshold: The Hero is on his or her way now and advancing towards their destiny.

You’re reading this book, you’re doing the exercises and you’re starting to believe you can be Rich and Happy. Brilliant stuff because you’re over the threshold.

The Belly of the Whale: This is the stage that can in some cases be the lowest point. The hero is trying to make sense of their new world. Who are their allies, who are their foes?

This may be the confusing part for you as you try out new thoughts and ideas and shift your thinking. It’s also the stage where you decide who is with you and who is against you. Some friends and family will be scared by your Rich and Happy changes because it will remind them that they aren’t the person they want to be. Others will genuinely fear for you and advise you to retain the status quo and avoid future disappointment. A chosen few though will throw their support behind you and these will be your confidants as you move forward.

The Test: You know this scene in the movies. The one where the hero is tested in a fight scene. This can be anything from a shoot out at the OK Coral to fighting Aliens in outer space or dueling with dragons.

You will be tested as well. Don’t worry, you almost certainly won’t have to defeat fire-breathing dragons, and if you do, you can earn a fortune uploading the video to YouTube. You may have to deal with people trying to slow you progress though. Or maybe you will have to address your own personal fire-breathing dragon- giving a speech in front of an audience, approaching a complete stranger who you realize is an important Who, submitting your proposal for that book you’ve always wanted to write. Something will test your conviction and resolve, and YOU WILL TRIUMPH!

The Reward: This is usually where the hero gets the girl/boy, sack of cash, Holy Grail etc.

We’re fresh out of Grails, either holy or otherwise, so you’re going to have to make do with being Rich and Happy at this stage.

I have left out a couple of stages at the end where the Hero heads home and faces, then overcomes danger one more time. This may or may not be your path as well. If it is, just like before, you will triumph.

Changing your life now and deciding to become Rich and Happy is a hero’s journey that requires powerful beliefs. Beliefs that tell yourself you can be the person you want to be and live the life you want to live.

If the current story you are telling yourself and others doesn’t serve you, now is the time to change it.

You can follow the full outline of the Heroes Journey, right from the beginning, but why bother? We know you have passed through the early stages so let’s move on to the good stuff.

Start composing a great story that has a brilliant, stunning, fabulously gorgeous hero in it called you. A hero that lives the most amazing Rich and Happy life.

If you envision a piece of the story and it seems unrealistic, change that belief! Undermine it, ridicule it and give it a good thrashing because it’s an old belief that’s no longer relevant to you.

Now that you understand how much of your life is yours to write, your paradigm has shifted, and you are now realizing that you can have this thing called Rich and Happy.

If this all seems too good to be true, learn from the story of Hugh Hefner, a man who at a young age learned the power of writing his own story.

As a young boy, Hugh Hefner had an intensely creative mind. He would spend hours writing stories and creating comic strips that were incredibly detailed in their depth. By the time he was in his teens, he had started numerous small newspapers where he was the writer and editor, and he even wrote, directed and starred in a fifteen-minute horror film.

Although Hefner had a small group of close friends, by and large he was shy and more closed when he was around other people. The outgoing and adventurous Hugh Hefner was the character he created in his mind and in his stories, not who he was in everyday life. When he was about to become a junior in high school, Hefner had his heart broken when a female classmate of his who he was interested in, invited someone else to go with her to a social function.

Hefner was crushed, and so he decided to apply his creative skills and write a new story for who and what Hugh Hefner the actual person was. The new Hugh Hefner would go by the name of “Hef,” would be stylish, a good dancer, and be suave in his behavior. As Hefner described it, the new him would be “A lanky Sinatra-like guy…a very original fellow, he has his own style…”

Hefner not only wrote this new story of his life, he believed it, and started to live it, and the rest of the world adopted it as truth. Within months he became one of the most popular students at his high school, emerging as a leader within the school’s social circles, and was elected class president his senior year.

Hefner realized that his life was like a movie and he was the leading man. Just like with all the other stories and comics he wrote, as the lead writer and illustrator for his own life, he got to choose the type of person he was, the adventures he would get into, and the people he would associate with.

Interestingly, at a low point in Hefner’s adult life, when he was struggling once again to find his place in the world, it was a return to his old high school that re-invigorated him, and re-reminded him of the power he had to write his own life. That experience, nine years after he had graduated high school, was the catalyst that inspired him to start his own magazine, which became the Playboy empire he is most known for today.

—

Want to read more? You can download the first 3 chapters of ‘How to be Rich and Happy’ for free – just visit the book’s website by clicking here.
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Back in November of ‘09, Tim Brownson sent me a copy of the new book he had written with John P. Strelecky – “How to be Rich and Happy.”

I thanked Tim, saved the book to my hard drive, and it sat there for a while next to the 300+ other ebooks that I’ve downloaded and never opened again.

(I know, shocking! You’ve never purchased and/or downloaded something that could potentially change your life, and never touched them again, have you?)

I’m just glad that I do have a relationship with Tim through his blog and on Twitter. Every time he or someone else would mention the book, I’d think “I really should get around to reading that.”

I finally did. I read it on my laptop, transferred it to my iPhone so I could read it on my lunch hour at work, and even printed out and did quite a few of the exercises.

Let’s get this out of the way – there’s no way I could write a completely unbiased review of “How to be Rich and Happy.” I like Tim (no, I don’t like like him), and the links to the book in this post are affiliate links – which means that I get a percentage of the sale when you purchase the book through the links in this review. No matter how much of a saint I think of myself as, with cash and friendship at stake – let the reader beware.

I will say this, though… I wouldn’t be writing this if “How to be Rich and Happy” hadn’t both taught me some major lessons on living the life that I want to live, and motivated me to take action to make that possible.

A Definition

In the book, Tim and John define Rich and Happy this way:

“Rich and Happy is the ability to do whatever you want, whenever you want.”

Take a moment to really think about that…

Whatever you want.
Whenever you want.

To be honest, my first reaction to that was “You’re kidding, right? Impossible.”

I started to wonder if this was one of those “You’re going to be rich, thin, and master of your domain in under six weeks” kind of books.

It isn’t. As a matter of fact, there’s a whole chapter – “How to be Patiently Realistic” – about how long it can take before our goals can come to fruition.

Rich and Happy Minutes

While you are working on making that fruition happen, you can use one of the concepts that John and Tim describe in the book. You can log some “Rich and Happy minutes” throughout your life. The more of these minutes you rack up, the more of a Rich and Happy life you have.

Here’s an example:

Sitting in front of the T.V. because you’re dead tired from working a 12 hour day at a job you hate? No Rich and Happy minutes for you. (duh.)

Watching Lost on T.V. because you really love the drama, mystery, and intrigue – and don’t really care what your wife thinks about the fact that you’ve seen every episode at least three times? Now those are some Rich and Happy minutes! Come on, February 2nd!

Frivolous? I think not.

The point is that no one but you can decide what a Rich and Happy minute is for you. Since reading the book, I find myself asking “Is the time I’m using right now ‘Rich and Happy’ time?” If it isn’t, just the awareness motivates me to find something more rich and happy to do. Or think. Or be.

When you invest your time in ways that both rack up Rich and Happy minutes and move you toward completion of your goals… double extra win!

This was a very powerful concept for me personally. When I used the value ranking exercise in the book to determine exactly what was most important to me, I could see much more clearly what activities were adding to my Rich and Happy life, and which ones were not.

The Rich and Happy Matrix

Another great way to determine how close or how far you are from your Rich and Happy Life is to take a look at what the authors call the “Rich and Happy Matrix” – a 3×3 matrix, with the horizontal-axis tracking money movement from going out, to not moving, to coming in, and the vertical axis tracking happiness from not happy, to average, to happy.

(Believe me, it’s a lot simpler than it sounds, and the pretty pictures and diagrams in the book make it much clearer than I ever could here.)

It was fascinating to see where I am currently in the Matrix, and to consider where I’ve been in the past. Just over 10 years ago, I was deep deep deep in the poor and unhappy quadrants – 7 and 8, sometimes in 9, but not often enough. For about five years after that, I spent about half of my time in the poor and unhappy, and the other half in the “quiet desperation” quadrants (hat tip to Thoreau) 4, 5, and 6.

Now, I feel like I’m dancing between the Rich and Happy Quadrants and the quiet desperation quadrants… with more and more time in the 1, 2, and 3 areas.

At this very moment, I’m in quadrant 2 – doing what I love to do (writing/publishing), and not spending or making any money (ok, the electric bill will need to get paid, so maybe 1). Once this article is actually published, I’ll be in 3.

Reading the book was Rich and Happy Time, and writing this review is Rich and Happy Time.

The Bad

So this is the part of the review by the affiliate where I’m supposed to talk about what I didn’t like about the book and what the authors got wrong, but I can overlook it and am more than happy that I forked over X amount of dollars and so should you!

Well, since Tim was kind enough to send me a copy gratis, I forked over exactly zero dollars for the book, so that’s a no go, and I can’t honestly say I would have spent 47 dollars on a self-help ebook. That’s mainly due to my current finances, but with a conflict of interest here, who knows?

I did just spent about 10 minutes taking a break from writing this so I could specifically think about stuff that I could bash.

I came up with nothing when it comes to the content. I’ve read other reviews of the book that said the title set the bar too high, but I’m not sure that the writers of those reviews really got the concept of logging Rich and Happy minutes.

Probably the only thing that I had trouble with was the layout.

On a standard computer screen, it’s beautiful. Printed out, also great.

Reading it on my iPhone on my lunch hour at work… not so much greatness. The beauty of the 2-column layout didn’t translate well to the small screen. My only suggestion to the authors would be to create a secured plain text pdf version that a person could download along with the original for easy, on the go reading.

[side note for iPhone/iPod Touch users: GoodReader did do a passable job of reformatting it in it's PDF Reflow mode – actually, it was more than passable, maybe even excellent, considering the markup the book has.]

The Wrap-Up

So, recommended or not?

Have you read this review?

Yes, 47 dollars (the asking price at the time of this writing) may seem high to some for an ebook.

But Tim and John are doing exactly what another writer of a book about getting rich suggested:

“Give every man more in use value than you take from him in cash value; then you are adding to the life of the world by every business transaction.” – Wallace D. Wattles in The Science of Getting Rich

I know that in the short time I’ve already spent reading and applying (light waves hitting our eyes on a screen won’t make anyone Rich and Happy) the concepts, principles, and exercises in How to be Rich and Happy I’ve logged more Rich and Happy minutes than in the nearly two months that it sat, unread, on my hard drive.

And that’s worth 47 bucks to me. If you aren’t sure if it would be to you, you can download the first three chapters for free on the book’s web page.

And if you still aren’t sure, consider this from the book’s page:

GUARANTEE: Purchase and read the How to be Rich and Happy manual. If within twelve months after putting the formula to work in your life, you aren’t living the Rich and Happy existence you defined for yourself – let us [Tim and John] know, and your investment will be returned in full.

So you’re out zero money if the principles in the book don’t work.

Final Note

Tim and John also have set a huge goal for themselves when it comes to this book – they’d like to get in the hands of people who really need it, but may not have the financial resources to obtain it. If you are interested in helping out, be sure to read Tim’s blog post: Call That A Goal? THIS is a Goal!

Thanks for reading… now go buy the book and start racking up some serious Rich and Happy minutes in your life.
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This is a simple process to help you ask your Authentic Self for guidance, and know when you receive the answer.

1. First you have to feel really good. You can’t get a clear answer if your energy is low. To get what you’re asking for, get your vibrations clear by feeling really, really good. The easiest way to do this is to think of something that makes you happy. Remember a time in the past where you were fully engaged and joyful. Hold that place in your mind for a few moments.

   You can’t skip this step and expect to be successful. Anything you receive from asking in a low-energy point, will be skewed.

2. Ask a clear question. You want to know exactly what you’re asking. Vague questions get vague answers. Ask your Authentic Self something specific, preferably focusing on a solution rather than a problem.
   Instead of asking, “What do I do about (problem ),” ask, “What is the next logical step to creating (desired outcome ).” In asking for a solution, you get a solution. Remember that the Law of Attraction gives you more of what you put your attention to, so if you ask for help on a problem, you will get more problems.

   You want to spend a significant amount of time formulating your question. (As much time as you need to, in order to feel comfortable asking it.)

3. Clear your mind. The Authentic Self is quiet. It won’t fight the ego, so the trick is to quiet the ego in the first place. Once you are feeling great, and know the question you want to ask, clear your mind of all thought with meditation.

   Many people hate meditation, but this is the quickest way to clear the mind. The other alternative is to flood your mind with positive thought, and when you’re struggling that can be very difficult. Eliminating all thought is much easier than eliminating only negative thoughts, so I highly recommend meditation.

4. Trust what comes. If you follow the above steps, you will find your answer. Trust what it says and follow up with action. Keep in mind that you aren’t necessarily going to receive the exact answer that you predict. Like the saying, “The Lord works in mysterious ways” states, sometimes you get an answer that doesn’t make any sense to you at the time. Follow it anyway and when you receive exactly what you’re asking for, you can look back and see why it needed to happen the way it did.

   You will receive what you are asking for via “the path of least resistance,” according to the non-physical beings Abraham (Hicks) and sometimes it doesn’t show up like you want it to. Let go of the how and trust what your Authentic Self tells you.

Kimberly Englot is the Authentic-Life Coach, & CEO of Authentic Self Personal Development. Her VIP Coaching and group programs teach you to discover your authentic self and be free to change careers, find relationships, lose weight and pursue greatness! Clear away 6 years of “baggage” in 6 weeks with The Master LIFE Cleanse.

Become a Free Basic Member of Authentic Self for free tips, tools, audios and more! Go to http://www.kimberlyenglot.com
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I’m a big fan of Tony Robbins (affiliate link) – I know his constantly up, overpowering personality can be off-putting to some, but listening to one of his talks or watching his videos never fails to motivate and inspire me, and his work has helped me to make some real, positive changes in my life.

One of the things he talks about is the power of questions. The theory is – if you ask yourself a crappy question, you’ll get a crappy answer.

“Why do I always screw up?”
Because you are a screw up!

A better question to ask yourself would be:

“How can I do better next time?”
How about a little more preparation, maybe some follow through… hey, how about asking someone who has done this before?

Using Gratitude

Tony – along with just about every personal development teacher out there – recommends using gratitude to keep yourself focused on the good in your life, rather than getting mired in what you percieve to be not going as well as you want it to.

Here’s the problem I’ve had with gratitude… what if you don’t feel frickin’ grateful? There’s just too much “bad” going on, it’s overshadowing the good, and nothing you look at is filled with roses and rainbows and pink unicorns?

Some will tell you “Just act as if! Start saying you are grateful for things, and you’ll start to get the feelings.”

That does work… sometimes. And sometimes, like with affirmations, you just know you are lying to yourself… so now you’re an ungrateful liar as well! Thanks, gurus!

The Most Powerful Question

So for about the past week or so, I’ve been using the following question that I first got from Tony’s “Ultimate Edge” program:

“What could I be grateful for if I really wanted to be?“

Hmmm…

Well, I suppose I could be grateful for my job. It may not be my ultimate dream, but it sure is a good vehicle for financing my goals. And I suppose I could be grateful for my car – it does run. Hey, I didn’t notice that tree before – that sure looks nice over there. It’s pretty amazing that me and it are exchanging oxygen and carbon dioxide right now.

All that… and now I’m grateful for not lying to myself!

(Hey… is that a pink unicorn over there?)

What could you be grateful for, if you really wanted to be?

[full disclosure: I do have a material connection/affiliate relationship to the Anthony Robbins Companies]
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(excerpted from the New Jim Rohn Weekend Event DVD/CD series)

Is thankfulness a survival skill? Perhaps most of you would respond with, “No, Jim, thankfulness is not key to survival”, and I would tend to agree with you. Most of us have probably already solved the necessary problems of survival, gone beyond that and are now working to achieve our desires. But let me give you this key phrase, “Learn to be thankful for what you already have, while you pursue all that you want.” I believe one of the greatest and perhaps one of the simplest lessons in life we can learn is to be thankful for what we have already received and accomplished.

Both the years and the experiences have brought me here to where I stand today, but it is the thankfulness that opened the windows of opportunities, of blessings, of unique experiences to flow my way. My gratitude starts with my parents who raised me, gave me an incredible foundation that has lasted me all of these years and continues with the mentors that I’ve met along the way who absolutely changed and revolutionized my life, my income, my bank account, my future. I am also very thankful for the people, the associations, for the ideas, for the chance to work and labor, and to produce results, all of that has brought me to this place, to this weekend. I’m grateful for it all.

What a unique opportunity each one of you here has, so many of us; representing different countries, nations and cultures, to appreciate the uniqueness of our own experiences that has brought us all here, together, for these three days to learn new skills and sharpen old ones. For the countries we represent; we have freedom and liberty. These are extraordinary times, about eleven years ago the walls came tumbling down, in Germany, and it started a wave of democracy and freedom like the world has never seen before. We as a country and as a world have so much to be thankful for. Always start with thanksgiving; be thankful for what you already have and see the miracles that come from this one simple act.

Now thankfulness is just the beginning; next, you’ve got to challenge yourself to produce. Produce more ideas than you need for yourself so you can share and give your ideas away. That is called fruitfulness and abundance. Here’s what I think fruitfulness and abundance mean – to go to work on producing more than you need for yourself so you can begin blessing others, blessing your nation and blessing your enterprise. Once abundance starts to come, once someone becomes incredibly productive, it’s amazing what the numbers turn out to be. But to begin this incredible process of blessing, it often starts with the act of thanksgiving and gratitude, being thankful for what you already have and for what you’ve already done. Begin the act of thanksgiving today and watch the miracles flow your way.

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn

This article was submitted by Jim Rohn, America’s Foremost Business Philosopher. To subscribe to the Free Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine go to www.jimrohn.com Copyright © Jim Rohn International. All rights reserved worldwide.
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If you were to evaluate the major influences in your life that have shaped the kind of person you are, this has to be high on the list: the people and thoughts you choose to allow into your life. Mr. Shoaff gave me a very important warning in those early days that I would like to share with you. He said, “Never underestimate the power of influence.” Indeed, the influence of those around us is so powerful! Many times we don’t even realize we’re being strongly affected because influences generally develop over an extended period of time.

Peer pressure is an especially powerful force because it is so subtle. If you’re around people who spend all they make, chances are excellent that you’ll spend all you make. If you are around people who go to more ball games than concerts, chances are excellent that you’ll do the same thing. If you are around people who don’t read, chances are excellent that you won’t read. People can keep nudging us off course a little at a time until finally, we find ourselves asking, “How did I get here?” Those subtle influences need to be studied carefully if we really want our lives to turn out the way we’ve planned.

With regard to this important point, let me give you three key questions to ask yourself. They may help you to make better analysis of your current associations.

Here is the first question: “Who am I around?” Make a mental note of the people with whom you most often associate. You’ve got to evaluate everybody who is able to influence you in any way.

The second question is: “What are these associations doing to me?” That’s a major question to ask. What have they got me doing? What have they got me listening to? What have they got me reading? Where have they got me going? What do they have me thinking? How have they got me talking? How have they got me feeling? What have they got me saying? You’ve got to make a serious study of how others are influencing you, both negatively and positively.

Here’s a final question: “Is that okay?” Maybe everyone you associate with has been a positive, energizing influence. Then again, maybe there are some bad apples in the bunch. All I’m suggesting here is that you take a close and objective look. Everything is worth a second look, especially the power of influence. Both will take you somewhere, but only one will take you in the direction you need to go.

It’s easy to just dismiss the things that influence our lives. One man say’s, “I live here, but I don’t think it matters. I’m around these people, but I don’t think it hurts.” I would take another look at that. Remember, everything matters! Sure, some things matter more than others, but everything amounts to something. You’ve got to keep checking to find out whether your associations are tipping the scales toward the positive or toward the negative. Ignorance is never the best policy. Finding out is the best policy.

Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the little bird. He had his wing over his eye and he was crying. The owl said to the bird, “You are crying.” “Yes,” said the little bird, and he pulled his wing away from his eye. “Oh, I see,” said the owl. “You’re crying because the big bird pecked out your eye.” And the little bird said, “No, I’m not crying because the big bird pecked out my eye. I’m crying because I let him.”

It’s easy to let influence shape our lives, to let associations determine our direction, to let pressures overwhelm us, and to let tides take us. The big question is, are we letting ourselves become what we wish to become?

In Part II we’ll take a look at the three forms of disassociating from negative influences. Until then,

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn

This article was submitted by Jim Rohn, America’s Foremost Business Philosopher. To subscribe to the Free Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine go to www.jimrohn.com

Copyright © Jim Rohn International. All rights reserved worldwide.

Note: Creating a Better Life has an affiliate relationship with the Jim Rohn website.
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What stops you from sleeping through the night? Is it when things are not going your way or they look topsy-turvy and you just want to scream; when your life appears chaotic and you are not sure if you are coming or going; or when it feels like everything is piled on your shoulders?

Life should be an exciting and outrageous adventure. Isn’t it a wonder how a spider weaves a web or a bee makes a hive? Did you ever notice the small, everyday miracles, like the fact that you can breathe in and out? But how many of us get to experience this miracle? Sometimes life just feels too awful. We want to feel good, we want to be happy, in fact happiness is our birthright. But so often there are just too many difficulties to deal with. And although we may know that meditation chills us out, if we are feeling stressed or irritable then it just doesn’t seem so appealing.

So here are three mini-meditations, moments to just stop and breathe and remember why you are here. A moment to check yourself out, to look within, and to find what is really meaningful to you. You can get it together even when you think it is all falling apart.

Mini-meditations can be done on a train, walking down the street, at an airport, standing at a bus stop, in an elevator, while sitting in the bathroom (often the only place you can be alone!). Silently count your out-breath up to ten times, or walk with awareness of each step for up to ten steps. Or relax each part of your body, then silently repeat “soft belly” for five breaths.

If you are at work, then use your lunch hour to find a quiet spot, perhaps in a park, or even in the office if everyone else has gone out. If you are traveling then use that time to consciously breathe, letting your awareness follow your breath from your nose tip to your belly and back out again. If you are driving or operating machinery and feel you are getting tense, then stop for a moment, breathe into your belly and silently repeat “soft belly, soft belly.” Focus on any part of the body that is feeling tight and breathe into it, until you relax and let go. Silently repeat “soft shoulders” or “soft neck” and so on.

As you walk down the street or ride in an elevator, practice a mini-loving kindness by silently wishing everyone be well, wishing that everyone be happy. In the office you can spend a few moments repeating the names of everyone you work with and wishing them happiness. On your way home from work reflect on your day and generate loving thoughts to all those you met. When you send out relaxing and loving thoughts it relaxes the space around you and often any chaotic or disturbing energies will dissipate. What you put out comes back to you ten fold

1. Mini Breath Meditation

Sit comfortably with your back straight. Take a deep breath and let it go. Begin to silently count at the end of each out breath: Inhale . . . exhale . . . count one, inhale . . . exhale . . . two, inhale . . . exhale . . . three. Then start at one again. Just three breaths and back to one. Simply following each breath in and silently counting. So simple. Do this as many times as you want, eyes open or closed, breathing normally.

2. Mini Walking Meditation

You can do this walking along a country lane, a city street, in the office or the garden. You can walk slowly, normal or fast, whatever feels right. As you walk become aware of your walking, of the movement of your body and the rise and fall of your feet. Become aware of your breath and see if you can bring both your breathing and your walking together. Just walk and breathe with awareness for a few minutes.

3. Instant Letting Go

Find a quiet place to sit, have a straight back, and take a deep breath and let it go. Then quietly repeat to yourself: “My body is at ease and relaxed . . . my heartbeat is normal . . . my mind is calm and peaceful . . . my heart is open and loving.” Keep repeating this until you have let go of the tension and are at peace. Then take a deep breath and have a smile on your face!

©2009 Ed and Deb Shapiro, author of Be the Change: How Meditation Can Transform You and the World

About the Authors

Ed and Deb Shapiro, authors of Be the Change: How Meditation Can Transform You and the World, are the award-winning authors of fifteen books on meditation, personal development, and social action. They are featured bloggers for the HuffingtonPost.com and for Care2.com, teach meditation workshops worldwide, work as corporate coaches and consultants, and are the creators and writers of the daily Chill Our inspirational text messages on Sprint cell phones. The Shapiros’ books include Your Body Speaks Your Mind, winner of the 2007 Visionary Book Award; Voices From the Heart with contributors such as President Gorbachev, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and Bishop Tutu; and Meditation: The Four-Step Course to Calmness and Clarity. Ed, from New York, trained in India with Paramahamsa Satyananda, with Sri Swami Satchidananda, and with Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche. Deb, from London, trained with Tai Situ Rinpoche. The Shapiros have taught meditation and personal development for more than twenty-five years. They currently reside in Boulder, Colorado.

For more information please visit www.EdandDebShapiro.com.
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