Since the set itself is 2-3 times longer, watching my performance afterward is that much more excruciating. And in reality, the whole ordeal takes far longer; given a 25 minute set, the review often takes several hours — especially after accounting for all the times I hit pause and flee from the room while screaming “I CAN’T WATCH THIS SHIT ANYMORE!!!”

For the record, I’m not complaining. I’m just saying… and maybe I’m also stalling a bit before going back to the video.

On the bright side, most other forms of torture don’t come with a pause button.

It’s funny that 30 Rock is up against that other show — you know the one. The one with much better ratings; the one about nerds. Answer me this, though: did that show feature an Ewok, lyrics to the Mos Eisley cantina song, a Dungeons & Dragons room, and a completely obscure reference to Xaro Xhoan Daxos from Game of Thrones? Who’s the nerd now Big Bang Theory, huh?!? The fact is, I’m actually a fan of Big Bang Theory, but I love the subtle nerdiness of Liz Lemon. Who doesn’t love a girl who’s crazy about Star Wars.

30 Rock is really killing it lately — and I say this as someone who denies the show ever went through much of a lull. Sure, not every single joke will land, but I’m in awe of how many jokes they cram into every single script.

Plus, there this Jenna speech:

“Right now there are models waking up from their coke binges, multi-ethnic bartenders with daddy issues, former ballerinas who had to quit because their boobs got too big. They’re going to hear about the horny billionaire, and Thad is going to forget all about his little crush. They’re coming Liz. Click click! That’s their stilettos! Click click!”

And Liz’s response: “Damn hot bitches!”

I should mention first that there’s nothing on Earth that I want more than to be like my role model, Seattle comedian and GapKids© clothing model Andrew Rivers. He has a reputation as quite the ladies man in certain circles, legendarily engaging in all sorts of post-show pan-sexual orgies.

When I asked “>Andrew how I could be a pick-up artist like him, he said to just choose a girl and put the moves on her. So I gave it a try:

Just like on the Discovery Channel

Soon enough I was indeed picking her up:

For future note: the ball of wool on my hat — which is NOT attached
to my skull — is a less than viable handhold

Despite what you might assume from my shockingly gay clothing choices, I did enjoy having an attractive comedy fan’s legs wrapped around my body.

As in all relationships, though, we had some communication problems:

Pointing: perhaps the least effective way of communicating
with someone from above & behind their head

Meanwhile, one of the other comedians doing a set was my friend Monica Nevi, whose joke-writing is far too clever for someone who (1) is also a college athlete and (2) has been doing stand-up for only six months. People this ridiculously talented are highly annoying to me, so I’ve been compensating by accusing her of being an android.

When Monica stepped outside after the show, she was suddenly confronted with our bizarre spectacle:

This is 2min after Monica’s initial perplexed “What the FUCK?!”
Face nearly made me fall over laughing

There are many, many more photos from our evening at The Royal Lounge; check them out in the Creating a Comic photo album on Facebook.