Me, Myself and the journey

Journey to the past

2013-07-03T06:55:00.002-07:00

Well last week I journeyed to the past... not literally of course, that would be ...weird and impossible (for now).

I went back to my home town Barrow-in-Furness for 9 days, mainly for my boyfriend, he had family and friends celebrating their birthdays!

We arrived on the 15th of June at about 3:30pm, travelled by train which is a first for us as we usually have a car. But the journey was so fast and easy, would definitely do it again in a flash!

CHOO CHOOOOOOO !

That night was my boyfriend's dads and sisters joint party, his dad turning the big 50 and his sister the big 18!

We arrived just after it had started, there were a lot of people at the event and Damo went off to be re united with his family. If you have ever been to a partners family event you will know it is pretty awkward, and it was for me. You know that they are wanting to see your partner, not you, and you just feel... out of place. Do not get me wrong, the party was lovely and it was nice to see people but, well, like I said... Maybe it was the fact I've been socially distant for so long, who knows.

This is what I wore to the event, and let me tell you it took a while to find the whole outfit!! (Woman issues)

I felt nice for once, I hope I looked it!!

The next day we met up with one of Damien's old friends and had a drive to the coast road in Barrow-in-Furness. It was nice, I think he really misses having company (a man's company) which is one void I can not fill.

The rest of the trip consisted of visiting family and friends, celebrating birthdays and a lot of eating and drinking! I will let pictures describe the rest:

Trip to Windermere

The Final night out

This was our final night out which was supposed to be a celebration for a friends birthday, but they weren't here at the time...

Anyway, I had a lovely night seeing people I haven't seen in a while including one of my closest friends in these pictures here! >>

A list of things we did:

Went to Windermere (and ate carvery and ice-cream)
Had a meal at 'The Brown Cow' (Massive meals)
Met up with numerous old friends
Beat all of Damien's friends at Lazerzone
Watched Despicable me 2 (Amazing film)
Had lots of alcohol
Visited my Grandad
And much much more...

Such a good film!

As a round up I had a really nice time for once, I saw a lot of people I missed; a few mentions to people I met up with, Luke Fisher (One of my closest friends) we had a lovely, yet tiring walk around Barrow. Hannah Wheeler and Yasmin Phillips, had a drink with Hannah and met up with Yasmin later on, that was a lovely day, so nice to see you!! Ruth, lovely to see you glad you came out with us :), And of course all of Damien's friends for being there for him and for me, of course a special shout out to Michael Steele for being a personal taxi for us whilst we were there and being the last one to see us off on the train ! Thank you everyone! (Sorry if I missed anybody)

Well that was my trip to my home town, it was a nice break but I am glad to be back in good old London, I missed the sushi and frozen yoghurt if I'm honest...hahaha! Bye for now!

Sophie Rebecca xo

A thankful year

2013-06-10T08:53:00.002-07:00

Hello!

So usual when I blog its a dismal array of things going wrong in my life, but one of my friends has helped me in trying to look at the positives.

I am still somewhat dubious in how this will aid my life but here goes!

Firstly, its my boyfriend (yes I know here comes the soppy crap) BUT, he is my backbone. He keeps me going every day, with constant support, acknowledgement of little things and knowing what I like. We have our hard times, mainly due to our situation, but we still manage to thrive off each other and he always has that positive and optimist attitude (which frankly I lack in). And, most importantly, he is my best friend.

Well enough with that, I don't profess to be a women who needs a man, in fact being independent is one of the main 'life stories' I was taught as a child, and in some respects that worked/ still works for me today. But having someone their to support you, god knows I don't have many people who do, gives you a burst of life like no other. People thrive off compliments and recognition it is just a cold hard fact.

Secondly, one of my biggest achievements in the last year is my weight loss/ healthy eating/ exercise regime. Being bigger has always been in my family, they say it's 'in the genes' and for many many years I believed that and didn't help myself. I was told constantly by my mother that there is nothing you can do about it, nothing to be done, you will just be bigger your whole life. Let me tell you a bit about my mother, she was 22 stone until a few years ago when she had a gastric bypass operation on the NHS, now I have a very strong opinion on people working for what they get, in this case of course there are many factors of why she was obese which I will not delve into. She told me she had fought many years trying to lose the weight naturally but nothing worked, however, from what I saw through my childhood she stuffed her mouth with whatever rubbish she could find, an example of this is she would get me to walk to the local shop and get her a two tier tray box of milk tray nearly every other night. Anyway, she received the bypass and is now only 10 and a half stone. But she still treats her body like a rubbish bin eating chocolate everyday, crisps, using the excuse of that's what she feels like, and she won't gain weight. Did she really deserve a new life when she treats her body the same? That wasn't and isn't for me to decide.

Anyway back to me and my journey, since 2012 I have lost 3 and a half stone; my heaviest being 12 stone and now my current weight is 8 and a half stone. My target at the beginning was 9 stone, but I have exceeded this, which I should be proud of, but I still have a way to go and new targets to aim for. Not only have I lost this weight through extremely healthy eating and exercise, I have incorporated it into my everyday life it isn't a 'diet' it's a lifestyle. Many people think that losing weight is a temporary thing and once it has dropped off you can relax, well it isn't, you have to either maintain your weight through exercise and watch what goes into your body. Some people are very lucky and are naturally slim and have a high metabolism, I'm not so lucky, mine was extremely slow and the only way to change this for me was through exercise.

Here is a quick breakdown of how I managed it:

I started with home workout videos: Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, Davina workout and lastly what motivated me the most was Shaun T's Insanity (highly recommended)
I focused in on my diet and started replacing some of the things in my cupboard/fridge for things with higher fibre content/ protein content/ lower fat (eg. replacing white pasta with brown pasta)
When I started to get more serious I joined a local gym (The Gym) which is very reasonable in price and has just what I need.
I then started to look at my general food intake and meals and decided there were ways to improve on them (More vegetables, less carbs) and god knows I loved my carbs.

Me at my biggest (not a great pic I know)

Me today. (Yes I am pale)

And here I am today. Feeling a lot better about myself but I have target areas which still needs to be sorted; in my case the thighs and bum area.

Another piece of advice is; having a target really helps, whether it is weight or body measurements (you have to remember muscle is heavier than fat) but I would rather be toned than flabby!

It is hard to break out of the mentality that you are no longer a fatty bum bum, but I am nearly there, I will always be worried about my weight it's just me, and being a bigger child too is difficult. Also, you have to take into account I am only 5ft 3 Inches, so being bigger when you are small makes you look MASSIVE, so that will always be a worry (I am wearing heels in the picture of me today ha!).

Thirdly, I suppose, is that I am at University studying English Literature and Politics, a course I thought I would never be able to get onto as my A-levels don't reflect these subjects at all. I am determined to do well and achieve a high degree level- my first year results are not in yet so I can't tell you if I'm filled with joy or angst yet! However, I have been reading a lot more and feel I can do well if I worked hard.

Well there you go, my biggest achievements in the last year, it's not much (I probably have more) but these are the most prominent ones for me...

I would be interested in your achievements, however small they are!

Well goodbye for now (However long that it) and speak soon!

Sophie Rebecca xox

Kensington Gardens

2013-05-30T05:37:00.000-07:00

Well I went to Kensington Gardens (again) with my sister and boyfriend on bank holiday Monday.
It was a nice day, but not nice enough, there was still a chill in the air and it was quite windy- but we still braved it and stupidly I wore a dress with a cardigan, I was freezing.

Our main reason for visiting the park was for my little sister to go to the huge princess Diana memorial park, however would you believe there was a queue a mile long just to get into the park! I was shocked and it didn't look like it was going down at all, so we sat opposite on the green and ate our picnic- mine was a Moroccan cous cous salad with chicken pieces (home-made of course)- YUM. My sister was annoyed about not being able to go on the giant play ship surrounded by sand, and secretly so was I...
I do recommend this park to anyone with children as it is fantastic and very safe, they only let children in with their parents and no adults on their own are allowed in. The rest of the park was breathtaking and the lake and fountains were very nice, it is an enormous park and we probably missed out some of it, it was a disappointing day but it was better than being stuck indoors doing nothing !

Google plus decided to make a GIF of me and my sister... (funny right)

Yes I was adjusting my hair...

Tah Dah, that was my day out with my 9 year old sister, unfortunately we haven't had any nice days since then and it has been raining almost everyday ! I hope for nice weather even though I will be working at the weekend.

I will do a blog post soon on mine and my sisters adventure to Westfield's in Stratford, my only purchase was something from MAC cosmetics which I did a review about on my style blog (linked here).

See you soon!

Sophie Rebecca. xo

Oomph

2013-05-28T08:38:00.000-07:00

I thought my blog needed an update,a bit of an OOMPH, so I have re-designed it again!

Just an update for now;

I have currently finished the first year of University, hooray, but now I am extremely bored and need to start all my writing/reading projects.
I have changed my hair colour again, its still a shade of blonde..just a different shade!
I got my tragus pierced as an end of year treat-

4. I am planning to finish my screenplay by the end of the summer (or at least most of it)

5. I am visiting my home town soon, don't know if I am looking forward to it or not as most people I never hear from. But it is mainly for my boyfriend, so I will suffer for him!

I need to get more serious with this blog and my writing in general, but at this moment in time I haven't planned anything or been anywhere exciting so I will get back to you on that one.

Bye for now,

Sophie Rebecca. x

Friendship

2013-05-13T02:50:00.002-07:00

Hello again, it has been ages (again)..

But I feel like it's time for another rant...

Basically I am 20 years old and I frankly lack in friends, the ones I did have were in my home town and ever since I have moved most of them have not kept in touch or barely made an effort, which is kind of understandable.

I have tried my hardest to make friends at my University, and I do have friends there, but I suppose I'm just selfish as I want a good friend...no a GREAT friend who will come and see me when I need them, will support me/ moan with me/ shop with me/ party with me, is that really too much to ask ? Obviously it is.

Well whether I am the most likeable person in the world is a different question entirely, at the moment I have a rather negative outlook on life- I'm hoping for change. But this change never seems to come. I am still living with my mother/sister and boyfriend, which is a terrible situation to be in. But when we tried to move out recently we were met by the challenge of finding a guarantor and frankly no-one would or could be one for me- hooray.

I have lots of essays due which I should be doing right now, but instead I choose to write and moan about my life...oh yeh that's why I have no friends.

Anyway, if you seem to have the same problems or know the secret to making best friends, lemme know!

Bye for now!

It has been...a long time

2013-01-28T13:10:00.001-08:00

Hiii!

I know it has been some time since my last blog post on this blog...

My apologies, I have been busy (I swear..) I have created another blog on beauty/fashion along with my other about acting. I had fun designing it! Might have to tweak this one a bit now.

Check it out if you wish (If not just for the design work) !: http://stylisticwoman.blogspot.co.uk/

Well I am in my second semester of University, and today was my first day. Didn't go fantastically I must say. Had a International relations lecture with an Canadian man who I couldn't hear and sounded like a robot (you know Steven Hawkins that kind of thing)... Then that was followed by a woman in my seminar who was possibly one of the most boring/wet people I have had the privilege to be taught by. Then the same old English lectures that, I can deal with!!

However, University has improved since my last post about it, I now have friends...I know it's weird, but I must accept I can have social interactions with people now. Real people.

My course is improving slowly, more information, less, well little bits of useless paperwork. However, I already miss my old tutors, I miss the ramblings of my old politics tutor (he was french and old and very passionate about EVERYTHING to do with politics) and my old International Relations tutor, he was passionate too, and liked to discuss! But I still have my old English tutor, I call him Steven Fry 2, he knows everything, and he knows he knows everything.

I am still looking for a place to live, unsuccessful so far, the only one I rang up about and wanted to view went the day I was going to see it. Bad luck. I have no money, that is a BIG issue when looking at places, after all, I am just a humble student.

Another thing, I now exercise pretty regularly and have just started Shaun T's beach insanity workout. Insane is definitely what it is. But it makes me feel good when I have achieved the finishing line. I am aiming high, I want a nice toned stomach, some non flabby thighs/arms, is that really too much to ask? If only God had been kinder to me...

HA, like I believe that, I make my own fate, and hopefully I can change my body shape!!

Erm, what else....

I'm trying my best not to spend money... telling myself I am not allowed to buy myself any new clothes/accessories..It's hard. Little treats cheer me up. But I will strive on and hopefully by the end I will have more money !!

My hair is changing colours again...it was lilac but it washed out...after one day. So it is now blonde, but hopefully that will change AGAIN tomorrow when I use a Lavender hair dye. We will see, it doesn't seem to like my hair.

I probably have a lot more I could say, but for now I think that may be enough...

Well good night for now, and like I always seem to say... See you soon!

(Maybe)

(Probably)

(Maybe not too soon)

Bye for now!!

Is it right to criticise? or moan?

2012-11-21T12:57:00.002-08:00

Moaning.

A word I have heard a lot recently.

Have I been moaning too much?

Is life really as hard as I make it out to be?

Whatever anybody tells me, however much I annoy people... LIFE IS HARD.

My list of problems currently;
1) No money, literally NO MONEY, I am living off credit.
2) The university I am at is lacking, lacking in passionate teachers, lacking in resources, just lacking.
3) I am lacking motivation- I want to write, but I keep changing my mind on what I want to write!!Arrgghhh!
4) I still live with my mother and sister.
5) These are all holding me back.

But of course I must balance this out with the positives....

1) I have a wonderful boyfriend.
2) I am healthy/alive...(to an extent)
3) I'm not homeless?

wow.

Well anyway, looks like I am the moany bugger everyone makes me out to be, but wouldn't you be moaning?

On the upside, I am liking the idea of being the next Tina Fey, writing some fantastic sitcoms or just editing them. I am feeling it combines my acting dream and my writing dream...
But I must get my arse into gearrr!

I suppose feeling sorry for my situation will get me absolutely nowhere...

Back to the 'thesis', I also criticise people a lot, whether we realise it or not we all judge other people. I shouldn't, such things as;

"She has a manly face"
" Eugh that outfit"
"Personally not my taste..." etc.

I suppose that's my womenly side coming out, it doesn't come out often, and I can see why...

Anyway, it has been a while since I blogged and it needed a kick start.
I will be blogging more and maybe posting some ideas up, I would like to know what you think etc.

And if anyone out there ever meets me here is a fair warning that I am a moany miserable so and so !!!

ha

Ciao Ciao!!

University, The start of the journey...

2012-10-12T13:13:00.000-07:00

I know it has been some time AGAIN since I have posted but I have honestly been so busy.

Starting uni I naively thought that we would be eased in nice and slowly...get some explanations, expectations of what the tutors want etc.

No.

Clearly that is too much to ask.

Thrown in right at the deep end, asked to complete multiple worksheets, read tons of books and understand every single thing I read in so much depth my head is bound to explode.
As you may know my background is somewhat a mixture of academics and performing arts, mostly focusing recently on acting and performing.
You may also know I decided to change all that and go straight into academics again. I thought I was ready to handle it after a gap year, I thought I was ready for a pile of work and books. In some ways I was right, If I had gone straight from A-level to University I think I would have torn all my hair out by now.

The problem isn't really the worksheets, or even the reading, its having to analyse everything critically, having to know what the authors thinking, or what the difference between liberals views on ideology compared to conservative views.
And the most guidance they give you is; Well what do you think?
I have told you what I think! now help me put it into a comprehensible sentence/thesis/paragraph!

You have to be 10-20 steps ahead of everything that's happening. You need to know what's coming up in 2 weeks time and read LOTS for it.

One last rant, HOW and I mean this in all sincerity HOW do people manage to drink/stay up late/socialise as much as they do AND keep up with coursework/essays? They must be gods.

Anyway, amongst all that hate, I am actually getting used to the demanding work schedule and reading, however I want to get ahead of the game and I am finding that hard.

I think I may just start a literature blog, I think it would help me keep up to date and give some in depth analysis on some of my thoughts.

I am sure I will get into the swing of things soon, but of course being a student other matters are prominent like money/travel/friends?/ food. ha.

Anyway, I will let you all know when my new blog is out etc.

Have a good day! God knows I need some motivation right now ( I have a cold also, not helping)

CIAO BAMBINO/BAMBINAS!

Starting University

2012-09-23T05:25:00.000-07:00

On the 17th of September I started my journey towards a degree.
It was induction week at Kingston University, got to admit, it was fairly boring.

But during the week I had a long think about what it is I want to do. I love drama, music and the arts. But am I the right person to be taking on a career like this?
No was the conclusion I came too.

I love acting, I love singing and being there in the limelight. But how often will that happen being in that career, thousands maybe millions of people want to pursue a career in acting/singing and I am not ready to be in those thousands. I am not saying I am 'giving up', far from it. When/If my passion comes to the forefront of my life I will go out there and attack any audition I can get. Until then my logic has taken over and I decided to change my degree course entirely...

Instead of Drama and Politics I have decided to go for English Literature and Politics. My love of writing has come at a later age because the pressure has been lifted of NEEDING to write, and it comes to WANTING to write.

I know at degree level the pressure will be back on, and this time tripled in amount but I am up for the challenge!
Saying it now the gap year I took was well needed, I didn't rush into anything and now I have had a look back at myself I know I needed a safety net.

However, whatever your dream is I suggest if you have that passion/drive for the subject or career, for god sake do not waste it and go for it. Even if you think its impossible, in my life time of nearly 20 years if I have learnt anything it is that nothings impossible!

For god sake I'm nothing special and I have sung in English National Opera, been in a TV advert, had multiple retail jobs the most recent being Buckingham Palace, written and review for the Royal Albert Hall and now I am going to university to study English Literature when I didn't even take it at A-level!
I think as the saying goes 'The proof is in the pudding' !

Onto another issue, one of my big worries about starting university was making friends...
As I am not living in halls or near the campus this is going to be a difficult situation for myself.
However, I have met a couple of people in my Politics class that are 'my cup of tea' as people say. They have a high level of intelligence, are that little bit older and respect learning.
Hopefully I can keep up with social aspects as well as learning but I know that will be a challenge.

I am one of those people who acts differently with different company or in different situations. So if people are having fun, I will. If people are studying I will get in that mind set so on and so forth.

Anyway, to wrap things up I can not wait to extend my knowledge of literature and English vocabulary. Maybe one day I will be in the publishing business (here's hoping!)

Like I always say I love opinions and comments..

Leave one!

Ciao for now.

My review has been published!

2012-09-14T06:41:00.001-07:00

The review I blogged earlier has now been officially published on the Albert Hall website, it has been shortened a tad but who cares!

http://life.royalalberthall.com/2012/09/prom-75-review/

Check it outtttttt!

Officially been published ;)

Feel a sense a accomplishment!

CIAO

The BBC Proms

2012-09-11T03:52:00.001-07:00

Well the other day I actually won a competition...
It was the review the BBC Proms, cool I know! haha

But anyway I thought I would post the finished article on here as well for you to give your opinions and thoughts :)

My Royal night at the BBC Proms

Last Friday (The 7th of September) was mine and my partner’s first trip to ‘The Royal Albert Hall’ to see the BBC Proms.

In fact, to be more specific it was Prom 75: The Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra performing Haydn’s symphony number 107 and Strauss’s Alpine symphony.

On arrival to the hall I was lost for words, approaching this vast beauty of architecture. The dome shaped building with all its grandeur was utterly breath taking. We entered the main entrance to collect our tickets, and then headed to our seats. All of the staff were extremely friendly and well mannered.

Entering the hall was again an experience in itself, the hall was illuminated with coloured lights and decorative banners which told us we certainly had arrived at the proms.

The tension of pre-performance wasn’t a long one as we sat down and discussed the beauty of our surroundings the lights dimmed and the orchestra appeared from the side of the stage.

They were welcomed of course with a warm round of applause and then were seated ready to tune up and begin. The conductor Bernard Haitink entered with grace and poise well prepared to start Haydn’s last ever symphony entitled ‘London’; Quite fitting for the location! The air began to fill with a slow simple melody which slowly injected its way around the circular hall. The tension of the piece slowly built with crescendos and healthy harmonies slowly arising. The mellow vibrancy and simple melodic phrases only found in classical works such as Haydn or of course Mozart. This was 30 minutes of mellow music with a string dominated orchestra just characteristic of the classical period, which I think is just charming. At the end the orchestra were again welcomed by a colossal round of applause, which was well deserved.

The lights arose and the interval began, we decided to take a wonder around the halls and admire the pictures of celebrities who have played in this wondrous hall. We then headed to get a bottle of water which took a while because of the queues, and then returned for the second half.

As we walked in the setting of the stage had changed to accommodate the full orchestra needed for a Strauss Symphony.

The same round of applause was used to greet them once more and we began. The mood had definitely changed as we have moved on through music history into the late romantic period. The full orchestra took us out of our seats and astounded us. The addition of the wind and percussion section just added a fuller sound in which everyone could appreciate. These 50 minutes of Strauss told a story and the ups and downs kept me seduced the whole way through.

When the whole event was finished the orchestra was met by astronomical applause and admiration for their superb playing. In fact this caused the conductor to go on and off stage several times and then to my surprise an encore was played!

Such a fantastic night and reminded me that the sophistication and regal atmosphere is why the Royal albert hall remains one of the top music venues.

It certainly put the ‘Royal’ into the Albert hall.

Written by Sophie Ogden

There it is for you, hope you enjoy it!

Also here are a few pics I took;

Me and the boyfriend looking smart!

I know I haven't blogged in a while, I will do soon and I am starting University so might have a few bits to write about!

BYE!

A London endeavour

2012-08-24T01:11:00.000-07:00

As I had a couple of days off from work I decided not to sit around as I usually do but do something.
Also the fact it was mine and my boyfriends anniversary kind of helped(1 year).

Chiquitos
On Wednesday night (the night of our anniversary) we decided, despite having no money to go out somewhere nice. We went to a Mexican restaurant in Leicester square called Chiquitos, it was amazing!
The atmosphere was lovely and the choice on the menu spectacular!
We received free nachos to begin with and came just in time for the weekday happy hour on cocktails which meant they were all £3.50 hooray!
The array of traditional Mexican cuisine was so much, I decided to go for the traditional fajitas BUT with two types of sauce on the chicken. I had a sticky BBQ one and one named Louisiana hot.
It came on a sizzling plate with mini fajita wraps and loads of little extras including cheese/lettuce/sour cream/salsa/guacamole, just amazing!
Highly recommended.
My boyfriend decided to take a picture of me whilst enjoy them...

yum yum fajitas!

After the restaurant we headed to the Ben&Jerry's shop (for my benefit of course) and there I decided on an ice cream milkshake, any Ben&Jerry icecream flavour in a milkshake...wow. I went for my favourite choice of phish food. SO NICE. So creamy and a little bit sickly but worth the money I paid.

My boyfriend

And then we decided to be tourists for a bit.

But not for very long you'll be pleased to know,we headed home for the night.

London Zoo

The next day I woke up wanting to do something exciting, but we all know that costs money. But you don't get many opportunities to have a nice day out so we went to London zoo for the day.
Started out as a lovely day nice weather and an elated mood to match, we booked out tickets only £20 each, which I think isn't too pricey!
Got 2 buses to the zoo and started our tour.
The venue is MASSIVE we were lost straight away.
Penguins were what we spotted first luckily this made me happy, such delightful birds. And they were darting about in the water.
As we continued we found it hard to find anything and this got tiring and eventually we were exhausted. We saw just about everything, my favourite being the bats!
And they have an aquarium built in with the zoo so extra value right there.
I will upload pictures to my blog google+ account if you want to see more but here are a few pics I managed to take on my phone.

https://plus.google.com/100561541777987630135/posts

Upside down jellyfish

Crab

Moon Jellyfish

A bird that tried to attack Damo!

Dragon fish

Look fishes!

ME+FISHHHHHHHH

All in all a good day and totally worth the money, the only thing I disliked was the amount of children moaning and banging into me!

They just have no manners/awareness.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed my recent endeavours and I am sure I will have some more opinions about life to share soon!

Bye for now!

Everyone wants to be on top

2012-08-12T14:22:00.000-07:00

A thought hit me the other day whilst on the humid and sticky Picadilly line...

Everyone wants to be something, there are millions of people wanting/competing to be the top of their game. Or even to be in their dream careers!

So when I am sat there thinking about how hard it is to be an actress or a singer or a musician. I now think, everyone else thinks that too.
When you are sat at an audition or an interview you think 'everyone is better than me' they must have more experience/more talent, but what if they don't? What if in fact you are superior in that respect?

Self doubt is something EVERYONE of us has. It's the first thing we think, could we have done more? are we prepared enough? we will succeed?

Most of the time you know if you're prepared, deep down honesty lies there, you either made enough of an effort or you didn't.

You have to live in the moment. However hard it is not to look into the future and determine your own fate, you have to resist.
Also looking into the past and saying 'what if?' that is all irrelevant now. The past has gone it has been left behind for you to live in the present and nothing else.

Threat is a big topic on auditions/interviews. As I was saying we judge ourselves and others around us in these tense situations.
In my line of work what comes into mind is 'she has better looks' or 'he's in good shape' or most of all I bet they can dance/sing/act/unicycle/speak 10 different languages....
But in fact, all you need to know is your strengths.

My mum showed me a clip from that program 'Superstar' yesterday including a guy called Nathan who was an amazing singer. But the fact is he knew he was. He used that confidence to perform well and sing well all the time. He never made a mistake and was flawless.
But Andrew Lloyd Webber hated him. He hated that he was a diva. But his talent was undeniable...

What is that fine line between cockiness and being humble about your talent?
And when does confidence turn into cockiness? You are slated for being too shy, too confident, too talented, not talented enough..
There is no such thing as perfection which I think today's society needs to fully understand.

Don't let people's opinions get to you, because in the end they are not fact they are SOMEONE'S thoughts.

I may not like some celebrities or pop stars but I respect where they are and what they do because the industry is tough and they do well not to let it get to them.
A good example of this is Lady Gaga, she is admired by millions and called crazy by millions more, but she doesn't let it effect her. She knows it happens, she is probably hurt by people's comments. But she remains to be herself. And for that I admire her.

The moral of this blog is basically just get on with YOUR life, don't let people ruin it for you. Don't let silly doubts get in the way of living your dream. Because the fact is, everyone could be where they want to be.

All you need is self confidence and determination!

Confidence, What is too much?

2012-07-17T15:49:00.000-07:00

Confidence has always played a vital role in my life, whether it has appeared when needed or in fact not appeared at all.

In any career, especially performance based confidence is a key factor.
You need it to give you the adrenaline to perform in front of millions of people or a few people who can change your career forever.

Over the years whilst performing both acting and singing I have met a lot of people who have similar goals in life to me. And they all seem to differ from me in one way.
They have mounds of confidence, in themselves and what they do. Which is a great thing to have!

But the question is, when does confidence become over-confident?
and when does cockiness and arrogance start worming there way in...

From my experience and from my perspective I find most (not all) people who are in my profession to be intolerable. Their confidence spreads into their everyday life which causes an over dramatic side to follow with great speed. And sitting there talking to someone about themselves all day doesn't strike me as a day I would enjoy.

My view on drama/acting/singing is this:
I act when I need too, I sing when I need too and I don't let it take over me.

I am believe it or not quite a level headed person who also enjoys using the right side of my brain as well as my left side. I like that I can do this, but it also means I don't quite "fit in" anywhere...
I love drama, music and writing, but I also like the logic of a good political debate or working with computers.

Most people in the performance profession are creative and not much goes on with logic, I would say emotion takes over like in a performance.

You may think I am being quite biased but I have a mother who is an opera singer and I have performed since the age of 8, so you would think I would be all for over-confident!
But living with a dramatic mother all of your life puts a dampener on the excitement it is supposed to bring.

I also think there are a lot of factors with confidence, but here are just a few;
-Good looks
-Good figure
-Actual talent
-Multiple talent (can sing/act/dance/play an instrument)
-Being supported from a young age
-And most important LUCK!

You can be the most talented person in the world, but unless you are at the right place at the right time you won't get anywhere...
I've been taught this from a young age and I believe it to be the truth!

When I get all of the above ^ I will let you know how the confidence thing is going....
Who knows I might become the thing I most hate!

Ciao!

I would love to hear people's opinions on the subject and there experiences, and like I said I love a good debate !

Karma?

2012-07-12T09:29:00.003-07:00

Does anyone believe in Karma anymore? Is it just a worldly phenomenon that we get our just deserts or is it just coincidence that what goes around comes around?

The fact is that is what I've been asking myself today.

I am a very opinionated person and sometimes that conflicts with others especially those who lack outside views on the world. I can also just be hated by people for being myself.
I suppose this is bound to happen in my lifetime. Some people were born to make friends and keep them. I on the other-hand have a couple of friends I keep in touch with but I would not say I have those people that have stuck around.
Which is quite a sad thing to admit to yourself...

I have realised that I am who I am, even if that's someone who is still learning/growing which is what everyone is doing.

I don't like being hated or disliked for no reason, because the fact being is that is in fact a childish thing to do.
I've learnt over my lifetime not to do, although it is hard not to judge people I try and accept everyone that is nice to me. If not then that is a reason to dislike. But hatred is such a strong word. I must say I don't think I hate anyone even if I use the word.

Well, today I have decided to be the bigger person and this is my pact:

I am going to apologise to everyone who I have done a wrong too. Even if they perhaps have been as horrible if not more horrible to me. I am going to make a mends with people. If those people let me.
If not I will still be the bigger/more mature person and in the end that is something to be proud of.

But in the end I know my destiny in life might not be to make friends.
It might lead to a life of acquaintances but that is something I will have to accept.

In the end, how sad it is to admit.
I like being alone. I've grown accustom to it.

But having that one person by your side who is your boyfriend/best friend helps.

Anyway, moral of the blog...

I'm going to apologise/make amends/be the mature person.

Wish me luck.

Motivation

2012-06-27T14:31:00.000-07:00

It has just dawned on me that my long term goals have been pushed aside these last few months. And to be honest I can't afford to be doing that. If I want to get into drama school, which I do! Then I need to get practising and learning my monologues, I need to be perfection... I need to be more than perfection.
Impossible? most probably.

But having this full-time job and a part-time job is tiring me out. Draining me.
And the saddest thing is I have absolutely no money to show for it... ridiculous

Also as I'm going to university this year that is on my mind. I'm scared I am going to waste a year there, on the other hand I don't want to be working a full-time job all year whilst trying to do some training which I won't have the time for/be able to afford. A vicious circle. Frustrating to say the least!

My motivation (sticking to the title) has gone out of the window. Each year I have changed my career path and this has led me to not fully knowing what I want.
I'm not the worst academic and I am quite creative at the same time, and so this leaves me in a mess.
Obviously I prefer the creative side to me, but this requires dedication and commitment which I am lacking. Most people have one side of their brain active and the other one barely gets used. I am within the minute population who uses both sides equally. I think logically, but when I need to I go to the other side where I act and write and sing.

At the moment I'm trying to make myself feel better by saying that I am doing things little by little to encourage myself into full blown commitment.

I have started the gym, which will hopefully get me fit/toned/slim and give me more confidence to know I have a chance in the acting world.

I try and blog as often as possible, but now a days that isn't that much.

I have been waking up earlier even on my days off which gives me a more positive feeling in the mornings.

I think most of all, having nothing to look forward too is killing me.

I don't have any money to plan a trip/book an acting course/book a holiday or even treat myself to some new jeans (which I am in need of).

All in all, my balance is off set to negative rather than positive at the moment, and I am trying my best to get and stay positive.

If you have any tips on staying positive and motivated. PLEASE, let me know! haha

Rant over.

Actually been busy!

2012-06-21T11:08:00.000-07:00

The fact is for once I have actually been busy...

Shocking I know!

I have started training for my new job at (anon) a big place in which I can't mention the name of.
So far its been very draining and most of the time boring.

Waking up early to get dressed, walk to the tube, travel on the tube and walking time at the end of the journey means my hour of awakening has been ungodly and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
I have been going to bed especially early but this hasn't really helped my case.
So drained all the time.

On top of that I still have the night job of a weekend so that means my weekend nights are taken up, I thought I would be able to quit this job following my recent day employment but the fact is I don't get paid until the 31st of July from my main job, which is ridiculous. Also I am not working during most of July which means I would have had 0 income if not for a second job. Just my luck.

So at the moment I'm living off a pathetic amount which most of is going on travel into the city centre almost everyday.

So I am broke.
Money is the route of all depression. Well mine anyway.

I would say on a lighter note....but there is nothing.
Oh wait, maybe..

I have made a few friends whilst training, which I am glad of, means I'm not a complete social reject anymore. We will see if it lasts, but I hope so.

This year is going way to fast for my liking, I am thinking about starting university already and its only the end of June. It's complicated but basically my summer job runs over into when my university starting date is so I need to prove to them I have been accepted and the date of acceptance. Pain in the bum.
Hopefully new friends will be made at uni. too, fingers crossed.

Also the next auditions for drama schools will be coming up end of this year which I need to be prepared for. I have started looking at monologues, I think I'm going for a comedic approach to my chosen monologue this year, I think it suits me better...ha. I have been reading a book of monologues and duologue's by Victoria Wood which has a couple of gems in!

This money business is just the bain of my life at the moment, I need a new bag as I have 2 in my possession and neither one is practical, ridiculous.
I still have a positive outlook that this is just my low time and that it will pick up in no time...
One day I will have enough money to be comfortable if not above that.

Joined the gym = get an actresses body (the dream)

Hopefully I will blog sooner this time but who knows! and may even be more interesting...

P.s If anyone would like to give me money they are more than welcome!!

Goodnight and Goodbye!

It has been a while..take 2

2012-05-28T15:17:00.000-07:00

As you can see I haven't blogged in some time...

But it means more to write about ? we will see ha.

Where to start...

Well I think the last time I blogged was just before I went back to my home town for a week..
It started with a long coach trip to Preston which took about 6 hours, which wasn't too bad actually seeing as though I get travel sick. Got picked up from Preston by my boyfriends brother.

That night we went for a few drinks with a couple of my boyfriends friends (the ones that aren't total dicks) and had a nice night. Next night involved another night out which started out feeble and ended up being a really good night thanks to some great people! The only thing that let it down was my lack of money at the time. But we managed, just.

My drunk boyfriend and Ross!

The rest of the week consisted of a trip to Coniston/lots of bad food/Birthday dinners/Visit to my Grandad/Multiple gaming nights/A drive to the coast road and not much else. But overall not as bad as I thought the trip was going to be.

You'd think I would go into more detail, but no...*series of montages*

We drove back to London the following Friday and I was really glad to be going back! My home town has nothing to offer me any more, my Grandad is the only reason I would visit at all. It's so sad but unfortunately its true. When you move to somewhere that has everything including your family and boyfriend what more is needed? Apart from good friends which I lack. But hopefully that will all change when I venture into university world.

As soon as we got back the weather seemed to perk up which cheered me up profusely!
We chilled for the next two days as I work at night until 4am so energy lacks during the days. However one of my boyfriends friends was down in London so we woke up early on the Sunday and went into Camden market.
It was a really nice relaxed day. Had a browse around the market and then grabbed some

BANG BANG CHICKEN

from a little place on the corner... they sold that bang bang chicken. Sold it well.
If you've ever been to Camden I'm sure you know what I am on about ha!
Anyway said our goodbyes and were on our way.

Then as the nice weather has progressed I think I've been out everyday!
Just to local places really like; Muswell Hill/Wood Green/Alexander palace

We have been a bit out of the way, the other day we went to Kensington Gardens which was really nice! Never been there before, but it had everything, Fountains/Grass/Trees/Play-park/Cafe. It was a beautiful day out and we took my sister too and I think she had a great time too!

Here's some pics from the day;

The fountains+My sister

Boyfriend+Sister!

Me on a giant ship!

Today however we went to see Men In Black 3!
Really good film, I actually wasn't expecting much, but it was really cleverly done and apparently hurt my boyfriends head because of all the time travelling haha!

On a more personal note I dyed my hair back to a normal colour and it is now dark brown again, hooray.
I don't like my hair blonde I have finally decided.

Getting my shit together, exercise is back and bad food is out, felt so stodgy after that week at my home town. So jogging is back and it feels good!

Getting my tan on, but my skin doesn't seem to like to tan. We will see.

Got a training day for Buckingham Palace which is on the 12th of June, lots of paperwork was sent off for that again...
And my Grade 5 theory is coming up and I need to crack on and practice.

Special mention to this guy;

Nice one Steeley

For making us welcome and wanting to spend his precious time with me and my boyfriend in my home town ;)

FANKS DOOD

Well I want to be writing more again so lets see how long it takes for me to write again!

CIAO BAMBINOS!

A busy life

2012-05-08T11:13:00.002-07:00

Is what I'm wishing for right now...

I will probably regret this knowing me.
Having a slow life, not doing anything everyday, I don't know how people cope with it. I know I don't do NOTHING but it's more draining being lazy for me.

It makes you more prone to doing 'the wrong things', like;

Eat because your just bored...It's something to do.
Over think your life's direction and where you think you're going.
Get down over these two things.
Get fatter
Worry about money

My theory anyway, I'm sure there are more things.

I've decided what I want to write about, It sounds so sad but I want to write about a dream I had. It had a very deep moral which I have never thought about before.

But being alone all your life and up until you die must be such a horrible feeling, and someone taking the time just to talk to you or give you a smile might make your day and make that horrible loneliness disappear...and might even stop you from giving up on yourself and the world.

I wrote this the other day when I thought humanity might have had hope...
Some still do, but others don't. So much hatred in this world for no reason at all, why? what's calling people names and accusing them of things going to achieve but hurt and embarrassment on both ends.

If you know me personally you will know what I'm talking about, and I am sick to death of the situation. I don't live in my home town any more but that's where the problems seem to lie.
And lets face it, I am so glad I'm out of there and with the person I want to be with. Let them live there small town lives and let there only joy come from insulting other people....

Rant over- for now

Stay tuned for some extracts from the story I'm going to write...eventually!

and however cheesy this sounds-

Do not dwell in the past.

lol

I Ponder

2012-04-29T08:20:00.003-07:00

Yet again my mind is drifting in and out of ideas I want to do...

I might set myself some targets of things I'd love to do, and ACTUALLY do them!

1. Go travelling. I don't care where, how, just do it.
2. Write a novel
3. Get into drama school
4. Get my voice into good shape
5. Get famous/ recognised

Too much to ask? NEVER.

I know it's a great honour to be selected to work at Buckingham Palace over the summer, but that is all my summer gone in a flash. I will be working 9-5 everyday, in retail, which is boring...
The only upside is I can save some money up.

This life thing is such a vicious circle. You work, you save, you work, got no time off to go on holiday/travelling, you're at uni, no time, no money! argh.

Its such a depressing cycle, no wonder 1 in 10 people are depressed. Especially women apparently!

So much to see in the world, but most people spend their lives in England, working, striving for a career which in turn makes them anxious and stressed 24/7. Worrying about money/work. Worrying about the future and where their lives are heading...if anywhere. But hardly anyone makes that change, takes a chance at life. Unfortunately things might not turn out the way you wanted but that is LIFE. Why sit around miserable all your life, go for that top goal! If you fail, you try again...
It's a message I should be telling myself over and over again, but it is hard, it strains every part of your life. Health/financial/loved ones, but it will all be worth it... won't it?

The hardest part of anything will always be the first step, making the change and sticking to it.

Everything now a days is money, its so sad. Money can't buy you happiness? but it can come pretty darn close...

No time to dwell on what could of been, think of what COULD be.

Think of where your life is heading, is it the direction you want? or could you be doing more...
I know I could. And to be fair I really need to start taking my own advice, like most people, they can dish it out but usually don't take it.

Well that's made me feel a little better about things and definitely more positive towards my goals.

First step for you might be to write a blog! It feels like you're doing something to help.

However sad and lonely that sounds.

Just remember...

Nothings impossible.

LOL

Bad week

2012-04-26T12:48:00.000-07:00

As you can tell from the title my week hasn't gone to swell so far...

Hair

It's been raining all of the week which is a constant downer, so Monday and Tuesday were dossing days, Tuesday I decided to get back into my work-out video. Which was an amazing idea at the time and I felt awesome after it.. However, I woke up Wednesday morning in some considerable pain, mostly in my legs ! Not good.

I had also booked a hair appointment for the same day in which I wanted a big change for the summer, I wanted to get rid of the black and go a blonde/brown colour. And so I know I was going to have to pay a lot for this, but I wanted it done right.

Went there, was going smoothly, obviously I had the bright orange stage but they toned it down. I was there for about 3-4 hours. I was hoping for the best as everyone had such a positive attitude saying it was all going so well...
Anyway it got to the point of drying and cutting. The colour looked an okay colour wet. But slowly as it dried it became a straw blonde/ gingery blonde. Had my hair cut shorter again into a bob which I wasn't bothered about, I'm used to short hair. But I was not used to the colour. I then paid the £175 fee and left. At first when I left the salon I was okay with it. But then my boyfriend commented saying it was ginger. That was the first step. Then my sister commented in the morning saying the same thing, and then my mother. I then became overwhelmed with anguish. I started crying and having a fit, I hated the colour so much! How can someone charge £175 for that mess?!

I went into Wood Green and decided I need a toner. I didn't even want to step out the door it was that bad. I got the toner and went straight home. Did the toner and well... it's a little bit better. Little less ginger. But still a horrible colour. So more dye will have to be used tomorrow.

I want to go back to the salon and complain. But all I will get is " we told you it would turn out a different colour" or "It was the best we could do, you did have dark hair.." I can't be bothered arguing with people, but in the future I will self colour. I don't care what anybody says about 'professional', If I screw my own hair up its free!!

Also my legs still hurt....Boo Hiss.

On the upside I made pizza from scratch this week! Dough and all! It was some tasty shit.

Home-made pizza!

Also went to a local quiz night at o'neills, we didn't do too bad, only because there was a Disney music round which I aced! haha, and we had Eton mess, I thought it was going to be small so I ordered two!

Eton Mess!

So apart from my hair being destroyed not too bad. But my hair is pretty important to me... as any girls is!

Oh and one more thing, I got rejected by Central School of Speech and Drama finally. So I guess its Kingston university this year!

More again soon I hope, we will see what goes on, hopefully nicer hair!

G'night!

A state of depression hits again...

2012-04-23T14:32:00.002-07:00

I said I would write everyday, but I've realised one there is nothing to write about and two I'm in a state of energy loss and loss of brain functionality...

Uh Oh.

This is one of the states that is hard to get out of, as there is a viscous circle.
Still trying to eat healthy which is causing some lack of energy..

Anyway, I need to get this 'career' moving. I was recommended to go on an audition technique course because I was rejected from RADA and LAMDA but I am not willing to pay £700 for a 2 week course, however much its going to help my career.
So I found a cheaper version for just one week at Mountview which is a school everyone seems to be raving about to me. So applications next year might have to expand to other schools.
Still £275 but when I hopefully hear from Buckingham Palace that my security check has gone through I will be starting full time work in June.Which will help with the cost of course.
Start saving a bit of money for courses and auditions etc.

I HAVE to start singing again which I still haven't brought myself to do, but hopefully one day I will just want to start again. I hate having to start over, my voice is weak because I haven't used it but if I don't again it won't get any better! CIRCLES !

I need a few amazing monologues that I enjoy reading and I can relate with. Finding it HARD. If you have any suggestions feel free......

I don't know how people bring themselves to do things everyday on a routine, maybe when you are busy all day, but then you are still tired after your day at work. Who knows.

Well I'm waffling now so I best go and do something productive? Jokes.

Here is a picture that just cheered me up !

Goodnight!

My Interesting day!

2012-04-16T15:56:00.000-07:00

I was sick of staying in all day so I decided a day trip was in order.

Me and my boyfriend caught the bus to Camden town, I thought he needed to see more of London and Camden is a cultural place..I think.

Having fun in Camden

We browsed and I decided to get my upper ear pierced. Went into a shop called 'cold steel' they were actually really friendly, I got it done right there and then, hardly any pain at all, so shocked at this. I think it looks nice and feminine, rather than a ton of piercings on one ear.

My new piercing

We browsed some more and we found numerous food stalls which I wish we had stopped at, but when we arrived in Camden we were so starving subway was the only option...

Anyway, as we walked out of the market someone asked the way out, we could not understand a word he said, I thought he was foreign, but when I listened closely he was actually just Scottish!
As we came out of the market onto the street we looked across the road, looked again...

There walking across the street was a man with a full sized cardboard box on his head with a flap cut out for his eyes. Also this box had multiple drawings on it, I think he thought he was going to be attacked any second.
A guy approach us and in passing said: " A live in a box" we both laughed very hard.
Then the Scottish guy reappeared and said he loved Camden, and there is some strange people around, we nodded,laughed and moved on.

Got back on the bus and went home, then decided to go to Nando's for tea at about 6.30, everyone on facebook and friends have said this place is amazing, so I thought a trip was in order.
It was okay, we got a meal platter which was a whole chicken with spicy sauce and chips. I think all the hype just made me disappointed in what happened. It's more of a group place to go than a couple place, a party might be nice there.

My boyfriend @ Nando's

We went to see The Hunger games after, again everyone had raved about this saying its similar to battle royale, after the film I was kind of speechless. The ending was rubbish, explained nothing that had happened in the film. The people you wanted to win, won. Yes, people died, a young girl died half way through that was very emotional. There was a slight uprising about this, but the 'bad guys' stayed in power. The film was well put together but the story was slightly disturbing and messed up. Not my kind of film:

I'm waiting for two films to come out at the moment; Snow white and the huntsman & The avengers
Now those films are worth waiting for!

Strange and eventful day, I do hope more days are like this, but that's life.

Be sure to stay tuned for more London fun !

Meeting that someone special

2012-04-13T10:58:00.001-07:00

Seeing as though I have done nothing today I have decided to write about a topic that surrounds everyone's lives at one point or another... trying to get a girlfriend/boyfriend.

As unfortunately my experience only includes 3 relationships I can't really talk about meeting people, but I can talk about what I have witnessed.

My first relationship was through a social networking sight which no-one uses now...
My second and my current involved meeting them through friends, which I have found is one of the best ways, you have friends in common then and hopefully that will work in your favour.

But what I have learnt is that its not the girls who are nervous, its the guys.

They don't know how to approach a girl, speak to a girl, and can't even comprehend asking them out. Obviously there are those few guys who have mega confidence, which usually comes from their six pack and bulging muscles. But a lot of women do not find that attractive. Including myself, I much prefer an intelligent/funny man who I can relate with and have a conversation with them that doesn't involve how long they have spent at the gym today or how many cars they own/want to own.

Apparently brainy is the new sexy. Personally always has been for me.

Anyway, back to my point, bars and clubs are the usual place to "pick up women" but are they the place to meet a woman that wants to commit ? or are you meeting another one night stand who is emotionally unstable and needs the comfort of a man.

I'm probably stating the obvious, but the fact is some people still do not understand the concept of 'dating'.

Do not get me wrong, I have been on the receiving end of men drunk in a club and its not nice. You don't need to be drunk to approach a woman! Why don't you start off sober, meet a girl then slowly throughout the night get to know her and then you can both get drunk together.. totally ligit.

I'm no angel though, I have had flings and hurt people, but this was because I was emotionally unstable at the time after coming out of a relationship. Which was the only relationship I was actually happy after coming after it. But I am still friends with these people because I realised what I did and tried to put it right. But after all this I met my current boyfriend, so I suppose if that had not have happened I wouldn't have met my guy, who I am very smitten with!

He is going to read this, but I would just like to say he is the perfect balance of Intelligent/Funny/Sexy and easy going I need. I can be an uptight person, but he always manages to calm me down and make me laugh. He can be serious too. Anyway I think he's lovely and I hope this is the last time I have to date!

In conclusion, LIFE IS TOO SHORT! Go for it. You know if you like someone.

Excuse my ramblings ! Tomorrow I will hopefully have more about my day to write about !

Enjoy!

Commitment

2012-04-12T14:27:00.001-07:00

Like everybody says, at new years mainly, they are going to make changes.

Well throughout the year that is me. I get one crazy idea follow it for a week or so, then get bored or realise to progress any further a lot of money is involved. So taking this into account I THINK I have finally discovered some of my commitments that involve little money or its a career choice. Either way I need to start following on with things to the end or foreseeable future.

This involves; Jogging regularly (as its free), Blogging (free again) and taking the steps to get acting experience and improve my chances of getting into a good drama school to be trained up. Oh and also my singing needs to be reappearing back into my life, as I believe this may help my chances in later life.

The thing about all these things is commitment. Sticking to it.

Some people will commit their lives into what they want to do, some people like me will flit back and forth into careers until they find what they enjoy or in this case what they are naturally good at.

But regularly doing anything will in-turn progressively make you more advanced at it.

So basically my message is, you CAN do anything, you just need to work at it and have the determination to reach a higher goal. BOOM, philosophical much ?

Anyway, back to the boring stuff, my day consisted of little activity. I went for a Jog with my boyfriend, went to Muswell Hill for some charity shop hunting and food shopping. Some exciting stuff right? Bet you're on the edge of your seat.

Can I just add my next crazy idea will involve me trying to write something that is actually worth while and express my opinions... we will see.

Whilst we are on the subject of opinions, I want the labour party back in power.

Thankyou

Gut Nacht