Sometimes in one of the workshops I give about the Importance of Overcoming Shyness, people ask me if I’m a therapist. I say no, I’m not even an expert on shyness in general, but I am an expert about my own shyness, having lived with it, shaken it off after decades of struggle, and then having spent ten years writing about it in a memoir called, Brave, a Memoir of Overcoming Shyness.

Until recently, mum was the word about overcoming shyness, but suddenly it’s become alright to talk about it. So, shy people, now is your chance to jump right up and join others in releasing the bondage to yourself.

In my workshops I always say find a therapist because they can help you speed up the processes: understanding shyness, learning about yourself and your strengths, discovering what others are like and then find a way to join them. I found my way to being with others through developing and using creativity. I explain this process in detail in my book, Brave, A Memoir for Overcoming Shyness, which is for sale on Amazon in paper, on Kindle and is also on iBooks.

http://www.shynessbook.com
Visit my blog From the Boardwalk
Buy Brave, a Memoir of Overcoming Shyness on Amazon

See below! Enjoy!

Don’t feel like going it alone? Then don’t. Consider the benefits of participating in a support group while making your transition.

I started such a group two days after my job was eliminated and it ended approximately 10 weeks later.  From little or no business structure I managed to (with the help of others) to re-launch two websites, establish a 3^rd feeder site, set up my profile on LinkedIn, as well as to connect with an extensive personal network of colleagues, referrals and other resources.

The group I joined was a Creative Courage class offered by a friend and colleague, Gail McMeekin, www.creativesuccess.com and I was joined by 4 other women, from Massachusetts, Connecticut, Colorado and North Carolina. Joining these artists and writers, I signed on to gain the courage of my convictions in launching this business. They were there to increase their confidence and develop new skills to advance their individual goals.

For me, the beginning and ending of this group marked the three stages of transition.  I ended my job and previous identity as an employee with one agenda for performance and professionalism, and entered the transition period. I experienced the neutral zone, where I received support and acknowledgement of who I had been and more important – who I was becoming.  As I went through the stages of grief (loss, doubt, and the gradual opening to the new) I knew I had their support as well as the structure of a guided group experience to make a successful transition. That I accomplished so much in 3 months is a small miracle to me, as it would have been just as easy to fall into 3 months of on-going doubt, inertia, and fear as I wondered hopelessly – what steps to take next.

The group served several purposes – as a mini-think tank and focus group I heard myself say the words “I am a career transition coach” and “I focus on serving those who want to move through a transition and work with the powerful personal energy available at this time” and the words became my new reality.  This “first” transition has ended and I know another will soon begin again, as the ebb and flow of starting and endings becomes my new reality as an entrepreneur.

Consider the benefits yourself of a support group:

• There is a place to speak your truth to total strangers.
• There is a place to set your goals with the intention of being accountable to others within a distinct period of time (3 months)
• On-going homework assignments and 6 tele-seminars kept us focused constructively in dealing with the dimensions of psychological growth, such as addressing limiting beliefs, the identification of role models and re-examining the saboteurs that could hold us back.
• I renewed my appreciation for giving and receiving feedback from a group of committed, intelligent, passionate women.
• I learned with the others, how important is self-care, learning to achieve balance in our daily lives, and staying focused on our purpose and commitment to our goals.
• I learned to trust the flow of business and networking that brought unexpected opportunities to me which allowed me to open to new possibilities while holding firm to the vision I had shared with the group participants.

If you’re ending an old role or job and starting a new journey, consider the personal benefits of a support group. Though we chose not to continue with this group at this point in time, the relationships are established, the support is there, and now we know of each others’ strengths and weaknesses and can call on each other in the transitions ahead.

I invite you to explore my website www.lifeworktransitions and discover other career counseling tools that might be helpful to you.

Deborah Knox has over 30 years experience providing insight and clarity to individuals seeking meaningful lifework. She is the author of Put Your Spirit to Work: Making a Living Being Yourself.

Everywhere we go – the internet, the book store, the grocery store check-out line – carefully crafted headlines fight to sell us on the implausible yet tempting idea that we can have, be, and do whatever we want by next month, this Friday, right this minute.  All we have to do is simply stop trying so hard and swallow some simplistic regimen.  A vacation home, dream job, soul mate, ageless body, or whatever else we’re after can be ours forever if we just read these three secrets or those five easy steps.  “Yeah, right!” we seasoned adults say right back to all the quick-fix remedies competing for our attention.  “Do you really think I’m gonna fall for that?”

As a woman who earns her living from helping people to clarify and cultivate their goals and dreams, I can certainly see that in this age of transformation and reinvention, empty personal improvement rhetoric is one of the most prevalent snake oils on the market.  But what I also see is that real wisdom can be found in overblown antidotes if you take them with a grain or two of salt.   The solution is not to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak, but to turn self-help hype into real help by applying common sense to the pumped up promises.

Here are three examples of how self-help fluff can become solid counsel:

The hype:    The outcome you want will manifest if you envision it.

Real help:   Imagination alone will not make things happen, but it can definitely help.  Picturing a passing grade when you haven’t studied for a test won’t get you very far.  But ask any successful athlete and they will tell you that they win more than they lose because they vividly visualize the results they want as they train.  If you focus your mind on what you desire AND work hard to bring your goal to fruition, you are more likely to be successful.

The hype:   You can catapult yourself to the next level by talking ‘as if’ you are already there.

Real help:   Saying affirmations – telling yourself you are capable and confident in this or that area when you don’t feel that way — will indeed move you steadily where you want to go.  But here’s the catch:  your affirmations can’t be too big a stretch.   If you’re up to your ears in unfinished projects, your brain will reject “Everything is done and I feel great” but “I’m tackling my projects one rewarding step at a time” will likely bring about a sense of progress.  Likewise, “I enjoy moving my body” will be more motivating than “I love working out six days a week” if you’re just decided to get off the couch and exercise.

The hype:  Positive thinking makes life pain-free.

Real help:   There is no question that glass-half-full people have it made.  It follows that those who complain less than others are more fun to be around and attract better opportunities.  But let’s be clear here:  optimism will make you more resilient  in the face of heartache, disappointment, and failure, but not immune to the curve balls all adults are dealt.   Optimism is about taking in the whole picture, embracing the good and the bad, and choosing to focus on what’s going well over what’s wrong.  Whether you’re sizing up the economy, the cyberspace dating pool, or a half-baked self improvement suggestion,  you’re bound to fare better if you practice a hopeful perspective.

About Amy Wood:

Amy Wood, Psy.D. is a Portland, Maine-based psychologist in private practice.  Through psychotherapy, executive and life coaching, management consulting, workshops, and speaking engagements, she strives to help adults articulate and accomplish their own versions of success.  She is the author of the best-selling, award-winning book Life Your Way, which covers ten powerful principles for living and working well amid the overwhelm of our fast-paced world.   To learn more, go to www.amywoodpsyd.com.

Guest posts to come!

Deborah Knox, Author, Put Your Spirit to Work: Making a Living Being Yourself, www.lifeworktransitions.com

Helen Rivas Rose, Author, Brave: A Memoir of Overcoming Shyness, www.shynessbook.com

Roberta Taylor, Author, The Couple’s Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life.
www.Robertataylor.com

Deborah Knox, Author, Put Your Spirit to Work: Making a Living Being Yourself, www.lifeworktransitions.com

Helen Rivas Rose, Author, Brave: A Memoir of Overcoming Shyness, www.shynessbook.com

Roberta Taylor, Author, The Couple’s Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life.
www.Robertataylor.com

Amy Wood, Author, Life Your Way: Refresh Your Approach to Success and Breathe Easier in a Fast-Paced World, www.amywoodpsyd.com

You can read the first virtual blog post here.

May is a month of hope—summer weather, new opportunities, a change of schedule. For those of us in colder climates, May is the doorway to the wondrous display of nature all around us and more time to enjoy being outside. May is also the bridge to the summer season, a special time of year with no school, vacations, a slower work pace, and the chance to revisit old cherished haunts and/or traverse new territories. There are a myriad of options for adventure and creative experimentations. What bridge do you want to cross this month and what is your dream destination?

For more info on my new Focus Group beginning July 10th for 6 weeks, visit my Focus Group webpage or email me at gmcmeekin@comcast.net.

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Transformation means that we shift the ingredients in our lives. When we manage a team, we have to balance our needs with the goals and values of our team members. All the research indicates that what people want most is positive recognition. So as a manager, you want to set a tone of support and challenge crafted to the strengths and weaknesses of your staff.

In the book, The 12 Secrets of Highly Successful Women, I go into great detail about all the elements of being a positive manager and I have trained and done executive coaching with hundreds of managers. But today  I want to clarify the confusion around delegation. So many women business owners hang onto too many non-CEO tasks and get totally burned out. Executives at companies block the promotion line when they don’t train their staff to advance. Delegation is not dumping. There are some important guidelines to make it work well. Make sure that you don’t over-delegate to your best people and get them burned out too.

There are 5 Basic Steps to Delegation:

1. Decide on the task to be delegated and then select someone who has the capability to do the task and the ability and interest to learn it.
2. Set up a meeting with the person and describe in detail the task and the timeline and try to get their buy in. Discuss all the details with him/her, including any needs for training and/or coaching. Point out the benefits to them as well.
3. When the person has agreed to do the task, have them create an action plan with timeframes and deadlines. Go over the plan in detail and edit as needed.
4. Have a discussion with them about how much assistance versus freedom they would like from you at this time and make a plan.
5. Be sure and build in recognition for a job well done!

Another important point here is to follow your intuition about who really has the ability and genuine motivation to learn these new skills and move forward. If you have chosen the right person, it frees you up to focus on growing your business or your own career.

Do you have any delegation success stories to share with us? Leave a comment.

This concludes the 12 Secrets of Highly Successful Women video and blog posts. Stay tuned for our next new series.

Self-care is essential to a creative, healthy, and successful life. Start with one change at a time, and bring in the light.

Body

Do you ever work all day like a mad woman: not eating, glued to your computer screen, overtired, and ignoring nature’s call? They say now that being sedentary is the new smoking. Your physical health is the foundation for your success. We have to wake up and pay attention and implement a protection plan. Almost all of the women I have ever interviewed say that movement and physical exercise refuels their brain to be creative. Honor what your body is telling you—listen carefully and obey. In this toxic world of stress and chemicals in everything, we need to take extra good care of ourselves. JJ Virgin, wellness expert, says that the two biggest keys to being healthy are quality sleep and putting some bliss in your life each day.

Mind

Setting critical boundaries is an essential skill for success. You must free up your mind and energy for what you love. Baeth Davis has big dreams for her life and reminds us that you have to cut your losses and realize that not everyone is going to support you. She protects her mind by taking weekends off, dancing regularly, delegating errands and cleaning, and spending time in nature. Caroll Michaels, who is another avid dancer, says her happiness now comes from accepting herself as special with unique talents. She no longer defers to others but is completely  at peace with herself and feels radiant.

Heart

Loving the people we keep in our lives is the essence of being rich with heart. Pele Rouge talks about what the Mayans call “companions of destiny”—these are the people with whom each of us is meant to work with, travel with, to journey with in this lifetime. As Pele says, we are lucky if we find them. Marilyn Tam was mentored by her beloved Robert Mueller, the former Assistant Secretary of the United Nations and author of one of my favorite books, Most of All They Taught Me Happiness. She says that Robert taught her exuberance and optimism in life. As Marilyn says, if he could find hope and joy in the tragedies he had to encounter all the time, how could I not? We all need to let go of negative people who pull us down and fill our lives with soul sisters and brothers.

Spirit

Spirituality is living as though your life is being guided by a higher wisdom or a connection to something greater than self. These beliefs may not be tied to any religion. As Anne Sexton says, “Put your ear close to your soul and listen hard.” We need to listen to our intuition and our inner guidance as they often hold clues to our creativity. Trusting in the Universe also gives us a life philosophy. We learn to accept things not working out for a reason and seek out people and projects that have simpatico with our core values and beliefs. For many years, women met in spiritual circles early in the morning around the warmth of the fires. Today, we may want to be part of a spiritual group or we may choose to design a daily spiritual practice on our own that may involve journaling, prayer, affirmation cards, reading, movement, mandalas, treasure maps, etc. For some women, being in Nature and around animals is their church. What are the beliefs that give your life meaning and how do you stay connected to them?

So, how do you need to honor your body, mind, heart, and spirit,  in your life?

Our next Secret # 12 will be our last one for this series. See you then.

According to Women’s Health magazine in September 2007, 77% of women feel burned out in their job. It was also noted in the article that working moms work 94 hours per week, between work and taking care of children. Last year, Brigham and Women’s Hospital did a study funded by NIH that proves that for women, a lack of creativity and not enough decision-making power at work puts them at significant risk for heart attacks and heart disease. Very scary—we are catching up with men, but not in the way we wanted. The burnout risk is too high!

In my Positive Choices Package, I teach you how to subtract the Serenity Stealers in your life and replace them with Positive Choices that benefit your body, mind, spirit, and heart. It is my unique formula and it works! But, you first have to break through your resistance. Here are some common barriers to successful stress management:

1. A lack of understanding what is really causing your stress reactions You must know your challenges intimately, both inner and outer.
2. Not doing things that you know you need to do, like speaking up or procrastinating on an important project
3. An unwillingness to take responsibility for your health and your unique stressors
4. Feeling overwhelmed by all the possible solutions and not experimenting
5. Giving up after one coping plan has failed and not refining it and starting again
6. Not asking for help
7. Having unrealistic expectations of yourself

And there are more. All of my books are packed with solutions and strategies. We can get rid of our personal Serenity Stealers and recreate our lives.

You have the power, I am giving you the roadmaps, so it’s time to stop complaining and get moving!

Stay tuned for Secret #11 about whole-person health.

 In celebration of Creativity and Innovation Week, one lucky fan will receive all three of Gail’s 12 Secrets books, personally autographed. The set includes, The 12 Secrets for Highly Creative Women, The 12 Secrets for Highly Successful Women, and her new companion book  The 12 Secrets for Highly Creative Women Journal.

To enter, visit her promotions page here and tell us about the creative project that you have completed that you are most proud of. What were the results and how did it inspire and/or benefit you and others?

The contest ends April 30, 2012, at 11:45 PM ET!

The lifestyle our parents had has vanished. We have a 24/7 world now, a global economy, and we must manage our own careers and/or businesses on own own, continually master new technologies, and seek to keep our work/life balanced to minimize our stress levels. We are on our own with mind-boggling options to choose from.

This is why it is so important to learn how to continually take positive risks to stay one step ahead of the game.

To risk means to sail around a cliff. When we head around a cliff, we don’t know what we will find. That’s why I teach people how to take calculated risks—which are risks that are well researched and have a strategy. For example, I have a client who decided to let go of her high paying job and become an interior designer. We did our research and found her target market and surveyed them. Her clients wanted her to take the lead on all the designs, shop for them, and even accessorize for them. They wanted to delegate 90% of the job and just have executive sign off, as they were busy doing other things. So because my client was not a mind-reader, we had to be sure and develop a precise assessment process to avoid do-overs. We got her a mentor in the field, signed her up for a fabulous certificate program, and we developed all kinds of business flow forms. She was anxious in the beginning and had to learn special sales skills for this market, but she started making a profit within 6 months. She worked the plan.

So what challenges in your life do you need to tackle? Facing the truths about what is causing you stress or unhappiness and fixing it improves your quality of life and protects your health. So often, fear causes us to deny the need for change. We want to just hide under the bed and eat cookies and forget about it. Or we try to convince ourselves that a bad situation really isn’t so awful, which is a lie. I saw a lovely young teacher recently who can’t stand her unethical principal, but is afraid to leave her job as it is “secure.” After a little digging, I discovered that there was an issue on the town ballot to close her school and lay off the staff that was going to be voted on in 8 weeks and had a lot of support. In reality, she needed to be networking like mad to find a new position. Her feeling of security was an illusion. In reality, she needed to step up to the next level in her career and become a department head, and that terrified her. So we had to psych her up for management training and help her to find a new positive work culture.

So, what positive risks do you need to take this year? What illusions do you need to let go of?

We look forward to your comments.