creative sundays

consistency/ control

2013-10-15T11:53:00.002+10:30

i have a real problem with consistency. as much as i may love doing something, or finishing a task, if i take a slight break, i struggle hard to go back to it. it's like if i don't do something all at once, and give it my everything, then i lose my drive to complete it.

this basically goes for everything you could think of - work, study, love, writing, photography. even my passions are in there.

sometimes when i'm sad i do my best contemplation. because everything seems to come to the surface when i'm melancholy. just last night i remarked: i just want to hang out with my friends and my dog and learn things.what i forget is life is rarely controllable. and that's my major weakness. needing to control things. and if i can't, well they're not worth my time.

if there was a complete opposite of the saying "she wears her heart on her sleeve", then that would be how to explain me. "she keeps her cards close to her chest" might do. in any case, i rarely let myself get into situations where i might be vulnerable. and when by chance vulnerability sneaks up on me, the control rears its ugly head and there i am, back to square one, keeping tight hold of everything that i can.

confusion

2013-06-25T17:55:00.002+09:30

i go through periods in my life where i want to totally reinvent myself. this one is especially powerful - i almost feel as if i can't continue unless i change something.

it's always about less, or more. or both.

and so, i spend my tuesdays.

friday morning dreaming

2013-04-27T15:15:00.001+09:30

the rain

2013-04-27T15:15:00.000+09:30

rain is rolling in. i'm sitting at the study looking out the window, watching the grey clouds move into view.

two photos for today from our mid-week getaway to the beach.

dark words

2013-04-16T18:15:00.004+09:30

i've been trying to get back into photography lately; it's proving more difficult than i thought.

sometimes i just lose my mojo for all things creative.

lately, it's been my mojo for everything.

friday afternoon melancholia

2013-04-12T16:11:00.000+09:30

what i'm watching

2013-02-16T14:02:00.003+10:30

finally got onto watching the girl with the dragon tattoo, you know, the one with daniel craig (the best bond ever in my opinion) and rooney mara (the deceptively beautiful).

i'm halfway through at the moment, and although i've seen the swedish films, and i usually hate english foreign films (you know the ones where everyone speaks english in an english accent even though they're not from england. yeah, those), i'm actually enjoying it. enjoy is probably not the right word, but it's fascinating and i love d.c soooo...

[happy] rainy thursday

2013-01-31T11:35:00.000+10:30

it's days like these i wonder about life.

i mean, where am i really going to?

i feel like recently, everything is just temporary, until the life starts. but when is it going to start? and why is it taking so long?

i've always felt like i was just waiting for something or someone to come along and change everything.

meanwhile, i'm just sat here drinking tea, and it's raining, and i'm waiting.

2012-12-22T15:32:00.001+10:30

so i'm sitting with my feet up at work, reading Grace: A Memoir, on my break that I've been on for an hour and a half, dreaming about nothing in particular, but particularly travel: and a soft evening breeze over a lavender lined driveway in greece. or perhaps france. who knows. all i know is that this day is one of the ones where my head is up in the clouds, and i'm really too dazed to be in human company. but, i'm to be at work for another 8 hours, potentially, which doesn't seem too fun for me. even though it's 35 degrees and our air conditioning at home isn't working, meaning it's cooler at work, i would much rather be lying on the couch with a cool drink and no responsibilities. here's to the new year
!

// what is happening it's almost 2013?

2012-12-21T16:18:00.001+10:30

sometimes, i just feel that everything is so beautiful.

and then i realise our internet isn't working properly and i can't upload photos.

so it's been a while..

2012-12-18T12:42:00.002+10:30

i've been thinking recently, about how i don't know my own mind.
but we did go strawberry picking for my birthday, so that's something.

define: idle

2012-11-27T13:27:00.001+10:30

i·dle/ˈīdl/

Adjective:

(esp. of a machine or factory) Not active or in use: "assembly linesstanding idle".

Verb:

(of a person) Spend time doing nothing; be idle.

this is my day

with the end of a year, comes a new beginning

2012-11-26T22:03:00.000+10:30

i don't know what it is about a change of season. something changes in me too. especially close to christmas. i get restless, maybe a kind of wanderlust. and with restlessness comes great responsibility. just kidding, it's me we're talking about.

what comes is a kind of longing, wanting to be better, more me. i know i said this was the year i become who i'm going to be, but i guess it's still a work in progress. after all i am only (almost) in my twenty-second year. things are still as great a mystery as ever, i still have gaps and holes in my life where more should be.

just more.

it is always this time of year my mind starts thinking of the future. maybe it's the start of a new year, which means a new start. maybe even a clean (cleaner) slate on which to step foot for the coming months.

it's always the end of the year when i start getting ready for the new one. which means i experience a kind of sadness, almost, thinking about all the things that are coming, along with all the things i'll leave behind.

spring / summer

2012-10-25T18:45:00.001+10:30

there's something kind of nice about a bare summer face

bit of a poser, but anywho.. here's a summer posie i nade recently. don't like those 'typical' florist bouquets. i think they're boring.

m.i.a

2012-10-14T14:14:00.002+10:30

never been more obsessed where zombies are concerned..

been so mia on the blog front.
and a little mia on the life front also,
i'm trying to be better
now summer's rolling around, the sunshine's boosted my spirits
no promises

Haha

2012-07-13T13:35:00.001+09:30

Found this and just had to have it

winter

2012-06-19T10:52:00.000+09:30

some recent photogs from my dreary winter life. instagram is actually my life these days - for when i forgot/can't be bothered to take my camera with me. sitting drinking instant coffee from a mug that says 'chocolate' on the side. received my STAT score this morning, can't decide if it's good or disappointing. oh well, all i have to do is wait for the uni offers now!

love x

Lonely Sunday

2012-06-03T13:27:00.001+09:30

Been a while since I've had one of these. Trying to rectify the situation by having afternoon tea with friends.

052912

2012-05-29T18:45:00.003+09:30

I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned on here before but I have a serious shopping addiction. It doesn't matter what, or where I find it, if I have even so much as an inkling it might go with so much as something in my wardrobe, I will buy it, sans the consequences. I'd like to be the kind of person who doesn't have to worry about erratic purchasing, online or otherwise, but alas I am. So, here goes to my new found spend thrift ways! I'm attempting not to buy anything (and I mean anything - clothes wise people come on - for at least a month.) Wish me luck! I honestly have no idea how I'm going to spend my down time.. if not for online shopping I would be a very bored girl..

Some photos to keep my mind off this:

they're from summer - i miss the sunshine, but i have to admit - i'm definitely a winter girl at heart!

change

2012-05-29T12:52:00.001+09:30

exciting news! i've officially applied for journalism at uni. thank god i finally got that over and done with! been too lazy for too long now, my brain's going to take some warming up i think..

feels like everything and everyone's changing (especially my little brother oh my gosh he's so tall now!) i'm especially excited for a new challenge.

some belated pictures from mother's day earlier this month.

girls i'd like to be friends with

2012-05-09T17:15:00.003+09:30

some pictures that are inspiring me at the moment. i'm really digging flat canvas shoes lately!

all photos via the sartorialist

early onset winter symptoms

2012-05-01T17:35:00.001+09:30

It's raining fierce outside, and I've been being slack and boring. Here's to a my mid-year resolution! And that is: be more committed, healthy, loving, accepting, exploring, stylish, worldly Bella. I mean come one, this is the year I become who I'm going to be..

Here's to all of this

quote

2012-04-21T10:34:00.000+09:30

“I actually attack the concept of happiness. I don’t mind people being happy - but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying 'write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep', and 'cheer up' and 'happiness is our birthright' and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position - it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say 'Quick! Move on! Cheer up!' I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word 'happiness' and to replace it with the word 'wholeness'. Ask yourself 'is this contributing to my wholeness?' and if you’re having a bad day, it is.”

Hugh Mackay, psychologist and social researcher

via the wild and wily ways...

Wild Geese

2012-02-21T17:43:00.001+10:30

Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
--Mary Oliver, Dream Work

Here come the tears, but like always I let them go

2012-02-21T11:05:00.001+10:30

Acquired new Polaroid film the other day. Spectacular! In a bit of a creative rut though, in other news. Can't stop listening to Bon Iver. His old stuff, the depressing stuff.