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It just made me wonder if anyone else felt the same way.

I want to be very clear about something. Leaving FC hurts me more than any of you could ever imagine. It was my baby! (bad theology i know). I didn’t want to leave. I’d come back right now if I could. I don’t want to live in Springfield, MO…I’m a Philly guy and my heart aches for the Northeast. Only God will know the battles and personal costs it took to transition a 25 year old traditional church into what it is today. I have friends at the church that sacrificed long term friendships to follow the vision God gave me. I have received hate mail, been threatened with law suits, and criticism…you can imagine.

But that really isn’t the stuff that matters. It’s just the road we had to travel to get to today. FC let me be who and what I am. No pretense and definitely no pastoral mystique. I have wept and agonized over leaving FC more than anything will ever know in this lifetime…and I’m still not over the grieving process. I still day dream about a last minute miracle that would let me come back! I had a great time at church Sunday and I really do love my new church. But what you don’t see is that sadness that envelops me as I leave the parking lot and then I end up in bed for the rest of the afternoon because I can barely function. For Michelle and I, FC was our love and dream. You were our family. We were seeing lives changed like never before! I had my dream staff and elder board. I totally believed we would be their the rest of my life. I had the dream job, family, and house. Now I have no job, no house, and my family has suffered because of my illness (still take full responsibility for this). My life has literally been turned upside down. The elders have been amazing to support me and still pay me through much of this season but that will soon come to an end as well. I have to get a job soon. From here on out most of my feelings for FC will be bittersweet. I loved the new web site…but I’m not on it. I will be happy for you when you get your new pastor but sad and jealous that it’s not me. On top of that I haven’t seen a Phillies game in 3 weeks! You get the picture yet?

What you are reading in my blogs is my best effort to trust God when I don’t like or agree with what has happened. You need to do the same thing! I am trying my best to man up and move on. I know God isn’t finished with me. I am beginning to get the vision of a future ministry that gives me a sense of purpose. I am attempting to project joy in the midst of very difficult circumstances. I don’t need your pity but I covet your prayers and if there is anyone else that feels like my friend, I hope this clears things up for you.

I have total trust and confidence in the leadership God has at FC. I personally endorsed everyone on the search team. They get it. Just remember that you don’t follow me… you follow Jesus. We all serve at his good pleasure. FC needs you and your support more than ever before. You would dishonor God and me by doing anything less. So, stay the course. I’ll see you from time to time and we will have eternity to hang out. I love you guys with all my heart.

I’m also going to have the opportunity to teach Starting Point for new believers coming up in August. That will be something special for me. I love talking to those who have crossed the line of faith and have little to do with institutionalized religion. I also know that sometimes people come to Starting Point having yet to become a Christ Follower.

Sure is a different perspective for me. I love my new church. But I still miss my former church. I am honored to serve, but I miss speaking (it was my favorite 35/40 minutes each week), leading, and casting vision. Sundays are still bittersweet for me. Church feels euphoric and then I go home and sadness comes over me for that which I have lost. It’s all good and I don’t need any well meant cliches…just sharing my heart.

One of my reactions and coping skills to my pain was anger! It’s difficult sometime to focus my anger on God, but pretty easy to focus it on people. Something my 14 year old daughter Emily said to me recently, revealed my anger to me up close. God used her to hold up the mirror to me. I saw what a butt-head (thinking stronger language here)I was. I was sinning in my anger and projecting it on those closest to me. What a wuss.

Once I was honest with God about my anger and surrendered it to him, something amazing happened. He took it all away. He lifted a huge burden off my spirit. Venom was replaced with love. Spite was changed to kindness. Futility was exchanged for hope. Frustration was transformed into peace. God’s peace. The kind that is impossible to explain.

Note: If you know someone who is struggling with pain, anger, bitterness, depression, bipolar, anxiety or other mental disorders tell them about my blog. I know God wants to use my “experience” to communicate God’s grace, hope, and healing to others. Thanks!

Everyone experiences pain, but many never experience brokenness.

Pain will drive you to do things you normally would not do.

Brokenness will drive you to your knees and let God do things in your life that he would not normally do.

Pain causes people to ask God question why?

Brokenness causes people to ask God what?

People in pain learn to cope.

Broken people learn to surrender.

Note: For those of you who are my friends from Fellowship, please help me get the word out to your life group or friends about my blog. There is no longer a link to Cremeansblog.com on Fellowship’s web site. I want to stay connected to as many of you as possible!

Sent from my iPhone

Sent from my iPhone