Crisis Intervention Summit

So Have Shut Up Shop Here

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 01:50:00 +0000

But I am back at a new location with a blog that suits me more. Have disabled any comments so there is no follow up and the links have changed from yesterday, sorry. Any problems mail me at 999.rachel@gmail.com and will be sure to send you the link.
Sorry if it seems really vague, just the way things have to be.
Thanks for following my diatribe, here's to the future.
Rachel
xxx

My Last Post

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 18:37:00 +0000

It's been a good Christmas, no fights or fall outs, great presents and good times. For once I have managed to pull it off purely as the three of us wanted, our rules and our own way. We spent Christmas eve with my parents and it was lovely, my Mother managed not to be too crazy. Ex-Boyf came for the Chrtistmas Day armed with fantastic presents, a case of wine for me and some hunter wellies, CK pyjama bottoms and other lovely stuff. We all just chilled and ate, played backgammon and drank vast quantities of gorgeous wine. He stayed the night, which has not happened since we broke up and it was just lke the old times together.

Now the big Christmas rush is over it has left me thinking about the last year. New Years is often a time of reflection for me, look back over the last year and make some heartly plans for improvement for the next.

One thing is clear though, I have spent the last 12 months living by other people's rules, supressing my opinions and thoughts, not really being me, just being the person that others wanted, when they wanted me, and struggling through the times I found myself alone.

My ex-relationship dilema has taken up the last 2 1/2 years of my life, I am now more resolved that ever to have a fresh start, move on, despite the shag fest that was Christmas night. I have been hurt more than I have ever experienced before, repeatedly, and each time to breaking point. I have been too scared to move forwards for fear of losing what I thought I had, but in reality I have realised that it wasn't on my terms.

Several friendships have changed, become more distant, and I have clung on to them trying to salvage the remnants, at my own expense becoming more and more disillusioned each time.
It's time to let those friends go.

So the mantra for the New Year is 'What Is Best For Me'. And once I realised where the changes need to be made, the decision was easy. I need a new job, away from ex-boyf, a different way to live my life, friends that don't drain me but nourish and nurture me, oh and a kick ass relationship that doesn't supress me and allows me to be the tree-huggy weirdo that I probably am.

I am shutting this blog down now so this is my last post, starting up another with a more positive vibe, less of the Crisis Intervention and more of Rach Shakes Her Booty at the World.

In the meatime have a Cool Yule, and get some serious chilling done.
x

Oh and a very happy New Year.
xx

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 22:00:00 +0000

I'm still here, just finding breaking up hard to do! Why does it have to be so hard????? Answers on a postcard please!
x

Seriously........?

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 09:58:00 +0000

Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas and all that goes with it, and I'm not all 'BAH HUMBUG' either but I just don't get the fascination for decorating my house like this. We have a road near us where the residents hire an external generator to power up their decs, transform the houses to some gaudy, obscene Santa's delight. It is mesmorising to behold, in a car crash sort of way, you don't want to look but it is just too ridiculous to turn away. Maybe age has altered my opinion of Christmas but I just love the tasteful decs that put a smile on your face and a warm glow inside, or is that the mulled wine? Happy decorating!

First Of All Baby I've Got Enough Meat On Me That It's Alright!

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 11:17:00 +0000

I Need A Holiday

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 14:26:00 +0000

Another manic weekend draws to a close and it has left me yearning to get away. My house has been full all weekend, of a girlfriend and her kids seeking some respite from a badly behaved partner, another girlfriend mourning the death of a friend, an ex-boyfriend and his kids looking for a meal they don't have to cook and phone calls and texts from Ex-Boyf on the Isle of Wight. I turfed out meal after meal, opened another bottle of wine and made countless cups of tea - the only solution to life's dilemmas!!!! Anyone wanting to sleep first had to find a bed and not get out otherwise someone else would get in. But if I speak honestly, I have loved it. Although, when I did finally get the house to myself, at 10pm last night, it was time to exhale a huge sigh of relief.

My craving for solitude took me to the gym this morning where I could immerse myself in the treadmill and exercise my way back into the skinny jeans that have been lurking in the back of my wardrobe for the last few months. Except I ran into the sous chef from the last restaurant I ran, a girl I used to nurse with in Intensive care about 12 years ago, my old 'screaming gaylord' of a boss, my fitness instructor, an old friend who I no longer speak to and several restaurant customers of mine. So all in all, looking like utter crap, no make-up on and very sweaty with a blotchy purple face is not how I want to be remembered. Seems like I'm going to have to glam up for the gym now!

Alternatively, pack the bags and the honeys too, book a holiday somewhere remote and exotic where only my children know my name and get that solitude right into my life!

It's great to dream!

Champagne and Toy Boys

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 10:09:00 +0000

It's been a crazy week. Managed to sneak some time away at the weekend with Ex-Boyf kid-sitting from Saturday night to Sunday evening. Left town too which was fantastic and headed to Swanage with Manda, to her apartment on the beach, drunk lots of champagne and chilled out.

Last night, us girls headed to Cafe Shore for a 'Pink Party' which involved lots more champagne. Now I am not especially good on champagne, tend to get a little 'feisty and spirited' although I love drinking it. The night passed smoothly and the champagne was guzzled and everyone was having a lovely time, until............

Him: "You are lovely, can I be your Toy Boy"?

Me: "Seriously? You have to be kidding, you are about 12".

Him: "No I am 20 but would love to be with you"

Me: "No way, you are just too young"

Him: "I've had older women before and I love the knowledge and experience they have".

Me: "Good for you, it's not happening, it's too freaky for me, sorry".

Him: "There's nothing freaky about it, it would be good fun for us both".

Me: "A little word in your ear sunshine........how old is your Mother"?

Him: "40"

Me: "Well I'm 41 and there's something not right about wanting to shag someone your Mother's age so get a ******* grip".

Think I was right?
Luckily I was saved by Ex-Boyf who arrived to drive me home. At 37, he's a proper man, just not my man, but a real one all the same!

Am Now Convinced There Is Something Wrong With Me............

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 21:28:00 +0000

because today I have surpassed myself in the 'weirdy stakes'.
Last night a girlfriend, who has moved in for a week or so until she gets another house, and I sat up quoffing deliciously large amounts of red wine and sorting out her website/blog which I have put together for her (check it out here and let me know what you think, and I know it is a lot like my blog but this is the only template I know how to edit html on)! She turned in at midnight and like an absolute muppet, I stayed up till 3am tweaking things around.
At 10am, yes and slightly hungover, I had my BUPA healthcheck at the gym I have just joined; you know the height, weight, heart and lung function overhaul. I am a little podgy, from 2 months of enforced wheat eating, but that I knew already. My blood pressure was high at 140/85 and she commented on this, but I didn't have the heart to tell her it was probably severe dehydration from the bottle + of rioja last night so kept quiet.
This is my point though, I was late by 30 minutes, for my healthcheck with the FEMALE fitness centre because I HAD TO PAINT MY TOENAILS just in case my trainers had to come off- did I think she would comment on a month's worth of overpainting and judge me for it?

The weird thing is that I didn't pluck my eyebrows, put ANY make-up on or have a shower before I went. I looked and felt like utter crap, but with neat feet!

Doing It With My Knickers On Fire

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 09:18:00 +0000

"It's better to leave a blazing trail than no trail at all".

This has always been my mantra, and I have left blazing trails all over the place. I've struggled to accept the consequences at times of not really thinking something through. It is just my nature to be this way, the same with my younger brother, we are born of a gentle and caring father and a feisty and unpredictable mother, so I hope we have inherited some of each of their traits.

I don't want to be different to who I am in any way, don't want to have to change my opinions or views to suit others, modify my behaviour to appease people who don't know me, but chances are, will judge me anyway.

I just love this song, and although Robbie is not a great singer, it is everyword I could ever say about my life.

I'm going to carry on doing it WITH MY KNICKERS ON FIRE!

Going Round And Round In A Rather Large Circle

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 23:17:00 +0000

As most of you die hard catastrophe lovers will know I started this blog 18 months ago as therapy from a relationship that had just ended. I was heartbroken and distraught, as we all have been at some point in our lives. You have watched me go back time and time again, offered words of encouragement and been there to pick up the pieces when it all went wrong again........without judgement, and for that I love you.

Ex-Boyf and I have been apart for a couple of months now, establishing our friendship on a new level, getting on with getting on with each other and behaving appropriately. It has taken me a long time to figure out why I haven't been able to detach and move on. We still work together in an office of just us 2, with me caring for his gorgeous dog at least 6 days out of 7. He drops her off in the morning and picks her up at night and so 6 days we are together in some shape or form, either sharing a glass of wine at the end of the day or me waking to find him sat on my bed, gently trying to rouse me into the world that is MORNING! And I have been glad to do that, loving having her in my house, enjoying taking her to the beach for walks. But this is not about the dog and I, this is about him and I, how we weren't ready to walk away from each other.

I realise that I have to make the break from the present situation, because I will never move on until this arrangement ends and I question whether I can stand to lose the pup, but then I realise that my heart can take it, it isn't quite whole yet from our breakup. In August last year, I posted this -

I just want to feel safe

I want to look in the mirror and know who I am

I want to grow and know myself more

I want to expand my map of the world

I want to explore the depths of meaning and purpose

I needed to know we were treading the same path, together

I needed to know we were moving forwards

I needed to feel the oneness

I needed to connect with you

And because we are not there anymore

Because it has all changed now for me

I have to go, to a different place

I have to make my life as it should be

I need to not be the person I was

But the person I am

So my heart will break because I will miss you

And it will be then, when I shed the old scarred skin

That I will become the person that is ME

I know that my hands will never hold something new

Until I let go of the thing I have been so tightly holding on to

And I would rather regret what I did
Than something that I did not do

So we three say Goodbye to you

You have started us on the journey

And we have to continue to follow our dreams

This is about me wanting more for us

Something deeper, something true

and I still believe it now. We have evolved into the same relationship we had before, I am there and always accessible, I have become a Mother figure, a nurturing, calming presence. So I now have to withdraw and it breaks my heart that I will lose one of my best friends. When I look back over this blog, my 'break up shit' (go here) spells the same message, I wrote poetry to express my feelings which were the same 18 months ago. Am I a fool to have not learnt my lesson so quickly? No, maybe it has taken this long to reach the conclusion that I am ready to leave, to finally let go.

I was desperate to write tonight, words that would flow from my heart, explain my feelings, more tree-huggy poetry. Maddie says it all, but my words are this.

I am not bitter at all but you should know that:

Secretly, under the mask I wear so well, I am heartbroken because I loved you with all my heart and soul
Your choices mean that I will never be yours to have again!
I am reclaiming the right side of the bed as mine
I will reclaim my life as my own
My hopes and wishes are still mine
You have to let me go because someone is waiting for us 3..........
It's time to let me go!

Death Star Canteen - Eddie Izzard

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 10:36:00 +0000

Have a cool weekend!
x

I am just really happy......drifting.

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 09:36:00 +0000

For the whole of my adult life I have worked my ass off. From 17 to 30 I was a nurse, the last 8 years of that time spent working as a Senior Nurse in Intensive Care units in Poole, London and Australia. At 30 I became a mum, of 2 feisty gorgeous daughters whom I have raised single handed with little support. At 35 I went back to work, starting part-time and ending up running a bar and restaurant and averaging 70 hour weeks. And latterly I find myself just drifting.

Before you think this is Rachel going over to the 'WOE IS ME DARK SIDE', don't panic. I am happy, content and relaxed. Or am I? True I have no career path to follow, true I am considering starting up my own business as a book-keeper, true I still work part time for Ex-Boyf doing his accounts, true I also spend a considerable amount of time 'fannying' around and accomplishing very little, but I am chilled. My house is tidy, laundry is up to date, we all eat healthy well prepared meals, emails answered for the first time in years. I have had much of this year to invest, in myself and my children. They are benefiting from the time I have been able to give them. But it is now November and I am yet to decide on the new direction we should follow. I know the time is coming for me to get back in the real world again, forge ahead with a new job, maybe start my own business, get dating again, plan next year's holiday etc. The difficulty is that when you have a period of chilling out, it is so easy to become so relaxed that you just become COMPLACENT.

When I look back on this year it has been a really tough one, but then, they all seem to be don't they. It's not often you hear friends say that this has been the best year of their lives! I am still alive and grateful for what I do have. I was talking with 2 girlfriends yesterday, one out of a relationship where her partner cheated on her, the other sticking with a husband who did the same. The first girlfriend said that I should be grateful that I had my children as a result of my relationship as she had missed the boat and was now too old. My reply to her was that I was grateful and thankful for my honeys, how they have completed my life, bought me joy and happiness beyond belief but there was one thing she should understand........every relationship I have had over the last 7 years since my divorce has ended because of, inspite of and despite my children. It all comes down to choices at the end of the day. My girlfriends are making their choices as I have done, I stand by mine, and although I genuinely believed that post divorce family life would be better than it has for my honeys, it is still the right decision for us 3.

I am at the gym 3 times a week, not kicking the ass out of the running machine, but doing Tai Chi and yoga, contemplating stopping smoking AGAIN and cutting down on my delicious red wine. Bedtime is before midnight for once and I am sleeping the sleep of the dead, waking up feeling healthy and losing weight too. I think Ex-Boyf is seeing someone else, which upset me but made me even more determined to move forwards.

So with the word 'COMPLACENCY' ringing in my ears, it is decision time. Time to get the suit dry cleaned, swop the baggy jeans and combats for something a little sharper, and re-emerge with a new direction.

IT'S TIME TO GET BACK IN THE GAME!

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 16:37:00 +0000

Woman stands nude in front of a mirror and says to her husband

"I look horrible, fat and ugly....pay me a compliment"

Husband replies...Well your eyesight's spot on!!

Have a good wkend.

I Want To Be On Strictly Come Dancing!

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 08:43:00 +0000

The Honeys and I are obsessed. What is our fascination? Each weekend we watch the heats on Saturday night and the results show on Sunday. I don't know what it is with watching 'Celebrities' learning to dance, sometimes making complete fools of themselves and other times pulling off spectacular performances that blow my mind. Maybe it's wanting to see them fail, or mess it up, or maybe it's just the dream of pure Hollywood glamour. I want the glittery dress, the moment spinning around on the dancefloor to rapturous applause, the perfect scores of 10, 10 and 10 from the judges. I want to pull off a major transformation like Laila Ali, world champion boxer and daughter of Mohammed Ali, glammed up and shimmying the hell out of it with style and perfect legs!

Now I am not a fan of X-Factor, Britain's got talent etc, but there is something too about watching for the first time, as a simple person, with an ordinary job, walks out on stage, and just stuns everyone. Take the case of Paul Potts, a salesman from the Carphone Warehouse, who after winning one of these shows, now has his own album and major new career. Watch and enjoy, I just love Simon Cowell's face, one of those priceless moments on TV.

But I have to say that this little girl bought tears to my eyes, Connie, aged 6. It's amazing what the ordinary folk can do don't you think?

That Was The Week That Was............

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 12:43:00 +0000

Monday at the hospital went well, although I don't have Coeliacs disease just a severe intollerance to wheat and gluten. I had 7 biopsies taken and swallowed the scope with no sedation whatsoever. Note to you all: TAKE THE SEDATION, IT IS THERE FOR A REASON, AND DON'T BE A SMARTASS LIKE ME! This week has been good because I have been able to go without both of these poisons as all the tests have been done; life can return to normal. I feel so much better, trimmer and starting to lose the 14 lbs I have gained over the last 2 months filling myself with wheat and gluten for the tests.

My honeys had a rare holiday at my parents for 3 days leaving me time to recover and relax a little. It is amazing to live in a house where everything is where you left it, and there are no dirty socks anywhere.

I had a hot date on Wednesday with a barrister from London, which was the worst date ever. He arrived absolutely wankered at 9pm, and continued to deteriorate, alternating between his pint of beer and large glass of white wine. Cute guy and lots of sparkle and charisma, probably alcohol induced though. As the conversation continued I discovered that through choice, he defends Paedophiles who are reoffending, earns a fortune for, apparently, 'selling his soul to the devil'. As he lost all ability to speak coherently, I bolted home leaving him sitting in the gutter hugging his knees and rocking back and forth! The following message was sent to him soon after:

"I cannot see you again for the very reason that I detest and abhor everything about your job. What are you going to tell me when you come home from work and I ask you how your day has been? The reason you drink so much is to get some peace of mind to allow yourself to sleep and forget the horror of what you see at work. How can you talk to these people, defend them? I know that someone has to defend, or there will not be a trial, but seriously.......WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU? So I cannot see you again, until such time as you are prosecuting these sick people who rob our children of life and innocence, putting them behind bars and using your education and knowledge to make a difference in this crazy sick world".

That was it, word for word. Obviously he had memory loss too because he rung the next day, saying he really enjoyed our evening and would love to see me again. I don't think so.........nutter!

Ex-boyf and I are getting along great, he knows I am dating and seems cool with that.....on the surface though. We still see each other every day and that is fine too because we both genuinely feel love for each other. I don't know how it would be without him around, he is not letting that happen. He says that it is his responsibility to care for us 3 until I meet someone else who I love.

So the dating then? Well several very cute guys are around and about, although I am wondering if I am ready yet, or is is too soon? Have decided to get out there and see what happens anyway so will keep you posted on more bad dates from the dark side of hell, or hopefully the odd good one too!

Wish Me Luck

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 21:09:00 +0000

Am off to hospital for a biopsy tomorrow so will be out of bloggy action for a few days. It will help me to coming one step closer to knowing what I can and can't eat, and which of the foods I adore are the ones that are destroying my insides. Will keep you posted.
x
Rach

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 15:32:00 +0000

Autumn Classes for Men at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, Oct 29, 2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

I Watched England v France And Fell In Love

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 22:10:00 +0000

Last night seemed to be rather a legendary one.......again........(due to Jay and his cheap premium vodka, go down 3 posts and you will see why). Anyway, essential TV for the week includes only a few programmes which I will walk over hot coals to watch: Greys Anatomy, Gordon Ramsay's 'The F Word', The West Wing and Strictly Come Dancing. I settled in to watch SCD (alleged Celebs dance their asses off to see who's best) with the honeys, a glass of red wine, great lamb casserole and furry blankets. Ex-boyf had been in for a while and gone leaving us 3 girls. Everyone was heading to the Cow to watch England v France at Rugby but no sitters meant I had a love in on the sofa and TV. SCD was fantastic and then shortly after the fun started with rugby time.

I have to say with complete conviction that I absolutely and totally fell in love with Sebastien Chabal, French Rugby Player.............. 'The Caveman', notorious bad boy and demi-god.

By half time I was in serious danger of literally having an orgasm in front of my children and so had to pack them off to bed.
England won, of course, although it was a pretty tight game, but to be honest I could barely tear my eyes away from the physical form tearing across the pitch. So very 'Rasputin' don't you think?

He has a tattoo on his thigh that makes me swoon to absolute oblivion........ this man is GOD! And I would say 'Lucky Madame Chabal' but seriously how could you ever keep a man as wild and beautiful as this!

Could you imagine getting down and dirty with a man like that? I can barely speak a word!

Why do some women's libido go off the scale at 40, you know the libido they didn't have in their twenties, and why do I have to be one of them? Am I the only one?

Guts Or Balls?

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 07:37:00 +0000

We've  all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you 
really know the difference  between them? In an effort to keep
you informed, the definition for each is  listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
being met by your wife with a  broom, and having the guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both
ultimately result in death.

Have a good weekend!

So A Typical Day At Work Then!

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 20:27:00 +0000

Have been working a couple of days a week in a restaurant for some friends and today was an 'enlightening' one. It rained and so the restaurant was quiet, which is very rare, as usually it is all systems go from 10.30am until last man standing.

To fill the time I listened to my SCREAMING GAYLORD OF A BOSS while he regailed me with his latest sexual antics and general misuse of class A drugs whilst being an utter MAN WHORE. Mmmmmm, sort of turned my stomach a little. At this point just have to let you know that I am completely un-homophobic in every way, but just don't want to be discussing anal sphinctor spasm while I am having my Wild Mushroom and Parsnip soup. Anyway, that aside, we got onto the subject of our most 'erotic music videos' and as usual everyone trotted out their faves.

Now I have 2, the first is blatantly obvious to any female unless you come from the planet Zog, it just blows my mind completely to utter pieces. D'Angelo at his most brillianty finest!

And the second is a surprising choice, but I am sticking to my guns on this one, maybe even better than the first video. There is something about rock stars, gold spray paint, knee high white boots and a tightly packed thong to inspire creative thought! I think there's something seriously wrong with me!
Watch and enjoy, and should you lack inspiration, check out 2 mins 01, oh and 2 mins 16 while you are at it, and just for luck have a goggle at 2 mins 33. I find this video so erotic I can barely speak..........Red Hot Chilli Peppers are rockin', and Anthony Kiedis - you look good baby!

At this point I should say to all male readers that I prefer men with a few wobbly bits above their belt and an ass you can park a bike in so don't start getting all 'freaked out on me'.

I NEED TO GET LAID........AND PRETTY SOON!

As Predicted.......The Excess Button Was Pushed

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 10:31:00 +0000

The weekend was a mad one with me managing to factor in 2 remarkably large nights out.
Friday was drinks with Mads and Manda in our local pub, and what we thought would have been a reasonably quiet one turned rather messy. One of our friends, a South African guy called Jay, was working behind the bar and at the fantastic price of £6 for 3 large vodkas, we troughed our way through the evening before heading to a late night wine bar which resembled a house party in my kitchen.......lots of friends and party people. Saturday morning found me feeling slightly ragged but pulled off 'good mummy' followed by watching England cream Australia at rugby in another bar.
Home for a quick change and back out for quiet hangover drinks with Manda.

Somewhere around 1am, it all went a little tits up and we found ourselves at a house party held by deep sea divers lasting until 5am. Mmmmmm! My honeys were at a sleepover and after picking them up Sunday lunchtime, doing a major food shop and getting all homework done, we all crashed on the sofa with a roast chicken dinner and Strictly Come Dancing followed by Dodgeball, which I think has to be one of the funniest films I have seen for ages.

So now it's Monday morning, have just returned from the hospital with Boo, who needed x-rays for bruised wrists, incurred falling off the monkey bars on Saturday. She's now at school, I'm home with an immense cappuccino, bit of a late onset hangover and poached eggs on toast. Life returns to normal with work, laundry and mommy stuff, but I love it all.

In summary: One kick ass weekend.
I learnt: Flu Meds and vodka work well together
I regret: Little sleep and the odd cigarette.

I'll Trade You Anything For All This Snot!

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 18:35:00 +0000

It's about a month since I decided to stop smoking. I was really not enjoying it anymore and started to feel crap from smoking. On the whole am doing pretty well, most days I don't smoke at all, don't want to and have no urges to light up. Other days are not as good and I may have one or two, regretting each one. But I am getting there, slowly breaking the old habits and times when I would normally reach for my tobacco and lovingly roll another cigarette that will shorten my life by approx 5 minutes.
I have been smoking for 20 odd years so can either go cold turkey and suffer or take time to realise why I am smoking and put myself in another place at cigarette time.

True to form, probably attributed to the arrival of autumn, I have got a stinky cold with watery eyes, streaming snotty nose and sore throat. Not helping in my recovery is the detox of my tar infested lungs from not chuggging on cigarettes every day.
Have slept all day on and off, really struggling now, at 7pm, the honeys bath and bed time, but will dose myself up and crawl under my duvet for an epic rejuvinating sleep lasting hopefully about 12 hours.
Tomorrow night have planned an epic night with the great Maddie G, former blogger and best friend, so it will be polypharmacy of anti flu meds combined with the odd vodka or two. Our nights out are less frequent than they used to be but still resemble a van load of calamity going over a cliff at alarming speed. Can see it ending in disaster but will keep you posted.

The Size Zero Battle Rages On.........

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 18:05:00 +0000

I am really pleased to read today in the Sunday Times that Miuccia Prada, head of the Prada fashion house has cast a runway model with a 34 inch bust to model for her fashion shows. This decision follows the death of 3 South American size zero models recently. How long before Victoria Beckham, Nicole Ritchie, Nicole Kidman and other celebs start dropping dead too? Will we then realise how this situation has gone too far?
As a parent, I applaud these vid clips, especially as my honeys are 11 and 12 and starting to become very conscious of how they look. I don't want to signal to them that being rake thin and malnourished is the way forward for glamour. We watched them both tonight, and quite frankly, they were surprised. They saw what they haven't been allowed to see...................

And they have no idea what really goes on with those glam mags they buy.......

I have always been a big girl, at 5 ft 9 in and UK size 14, I have struggled to maintain my weight. In the last few years, since my divorce, I have realised that men do actually prefer curves, tits and ass, and as the proud owner of all 3 of those attributes, am loving loving. It all comes down to self confidence at the end of the day, when we stand naked at the end of the bed, with the lights on, anxiety coursing through our veins, sucking it up completely, what goes through our minds? Do we think how we look really matters? To us it does, but in reality men don't see it that way, it is more of a turn off to have their woman apologising for the sorry state of her thighs.

So a message to all women, for us.......

"Size zero is out, it is unrealistic and unachievable, celebrate your body and it's uniqueness, get your clothes off, jump into bed with the gusto of a hurricane and get 'down and dirty' in spectacular style, oozing self confidence from every pore. There will always be a skinnier woman at the beach that makes us feel inadequate, then again there will always be a larger woman cursing our curves".

And our kids......

"Raise your children to believe in their inner beauty and fill them with the self awareness to see through the standards society sets out as the norm".

Rant over!

Html-ing My Ass Off

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 23:17:00 +0000

Have had 2 evenings of utter bloggy heaven.....how sad is that. Have new template and all done by my own hand, loving every minute of it. It's still a work in progress so judge not! Nothing would have been possible without the help of this UTTER GENIUS , so go and check him out. Click on his adsense ads or something but read and learn. Have a cool wkend blogsters!

Note to self: 'You probably need to get a life soon Rach, it's midnight on Friday night and you are still in your work clothes'.

To All Absent Parents Everywhere!

enquiries@yourashleycross.blogspot.com (Rachel) — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 07:42:00 +0000

This weekend is the first visit my honeys have with their Father since he dumped them in the garden in the dark a few weeks back. They are changing their opinions of him, slowly coming to view him as not really that good at Fatherhood for the one day every 3 weeks that he allocates to them. It has been difficult to try and restore their self esteem and self confidence but we are slowly getting there. Now they don't want to see him at all, the damage is done, he has had so many chances with them and failed on each count. I am terrified they will grow up thinking that all men leave and terrified that I will let slip the contempt I have for this 'alleged Father' of theirs. They can probably sense my vibes anyway so I am terrified of indoctrinating my daughters with negativity towards him. Last week Em, my nearly 12 year old, asked me to find her a better father because the one she has "isn't good enough"! They are doing well though taking tiny steps in this crazy world, learning aboout choices and consequences, learning to stand up for themselves and speak their minds.

Knock Knock!

I will try and protect you from this pain!

Bravo to my honeys, I love you. x