Critical by nature

Fear of being right

aditya01889 — Tue, 05 Jun 2018 20:28:27 +0000

After a long time, when I wanted to write, i fell short of words. I would explain it more using a word but there is no word. I don’t know if this feeling is new to humanity or just me. Because when i tried to find the right word, I couldn’t find. I don’t know if the English dictionary is not enough anymore or my feelings have reached a stage of incomprehension. Because there are many fears out there but the one I have doesn’t exist in the world. The predictibility I have assumed, is it just my over reaction or something which I can foresee from far ahead. I just wish I am not right this time. I hate to be the one to tell myself later – I told you so.

Am I not asking the right questions or am I not asking the questions. The mark of the question is missing but it is still there somewhere in my consciousness. Is it the missing detail which is bothering me or the obvious detail which I am avoiding. Am I right like I was. Even if I am, then is it ok to be wrong for sometime. Am I delaying my reaction for no reason or there is no reason for my reaction. Is it the truth or my fear of being right.

Defining Taboo

aditya01889 — Fri, 03 Jul 2015 00:48:21 +0000

I know you all are aware of the word ‘Taboo’ and its meaning. But my idea to discuss about it today is to look at the basic concept behind its meaning. We all have seen and learned different kinds of things in our lifetime. But do you think that you have learnt all you could have. I know one can not learn everything, but my point is what if there was a library in your town and you claim to have read all the books of that library and still you have missed one book to read and don’t even know that you have missed it because the librarian never showed it to anyone. They never let anyone go near that book because they decided that its not good to know about the knowledge of that book for anyone.
Now that missing piece in your knowledge have made you believe many other things which would have been utter non sense if you had the knowledge of that book. Enough of imaginary talks. Let me come to the point. There are things in the world, in every society, in different cultures and religions which make us believe since the beginning of our life that we should not do this because its not right. They could be right but leading your life on the basis of one book or someone’s opinion is going to make you end in the same cycle of events which they went through and there won’t be anything new to discover. It will become an infinite loop. Something which is a taboo from the perspective of a person can be reason of life from someone else’s perspective. So, i don’t think that we should make a law book out of our perceptions and make others to follow that law. We are here living in the age where we love to talk about and watch things related to alternate reality, parallel universe. Well, we don’t have to travel using time machine to visit alternate reality. Such difference in opinion of people is nothing but alternate reality. Parallel universes will never meet each other but the things that we see here now might be the mirror of what we have in its complementary part. But if you look closely then we are seeing the same mirror now and then every day. The things which used to be of great value at some time in past may have become a taboo now and the things which were a taboo are as acceptable as anything.
If we really want to learn more then there is one thing we need to learn is accept. Accept that even in your most sane state of mind every thought opposite to yours is not wrong, not a taboo at all but an alternate reality.
We need to free our mind from the fear of being on the wrong side and then only we can understand our opposition and then only we can say — ‘Happy Independence Day’

Aditya Srivastava

What Is Insane?

aditya01889 — Sat, 28 Feb 2015 13:27:44 +0000

We have been finding sense in our lives since always. Always trying to find the meaning of life. But my suggestion is instead of trying to find the meaning of whole life at once, try to find the meaning of the thing you are doing currently.
But in the process of doing so i have seen a lot of dilemma. I am still not able to understand that out of the two choices at hand what is more insane.
I am not here to answer today. I will only put questions. Questions like what is more important, to follow your old promises to yourself or to let go and move on? If we need to follow our promises made to ourselves then up to what extent we need to follow it? Is it good to regret about your past decisions or every decision made in past is good in reference of its time?
Should we follow the spontaneous instinct or we need to wait to decide, and if we need to wait then how much we need to wait?
When does the cycle of event stops and when it started? Is it always us to blame for our mistakes or there are others responsible as well for it? Is someone really watching us and will do the justice or we need to do the justice on our own?
We make several promises to ourselves and if you look closely then you will find that one promise of your life is against another promise of your life. Which one will you follow then? Do you think that the later promise will always be of greater priority or the opposite?
So where does the sanity stands? Following your old promises all the time without even thinking about how the other end of promise holder is acting like or Moving on with a new promise which is completely against your own words in past at a time?

Aditya Srivastava

Good Man, Bad Man

aditya01889 — Tue, 20 Jan 2015 01:31:03 +0000

We always wish that why not everyone in the world is a good person. But its we who decide or make good or bad person. The more number of people you count as bad the more bad you make this world. But no one is a bad person by birth. At first, everyone is a good person. Its our deeds to people around us which turn them into bad or keep them as good. So, its actually us who is good or bad, not others. If someone is bad to you then they are just reacting to your actions to them.
I always think that why would god punish anyone if everyone is his child. And if he really does then how he does it. He never come to us to reward us or punish us for our good or bad deeds. Then i realized that its not god who punishes us. Its we who act against each other to do good or bad. Or may be we are just his pawns in this process of payment of sins and good deeds.
We like good people and hate bad people. Instead, it should be the other way around as its the good person who will turn into bad and the bad will turn into good. Its very easy to love but very difficult to hate. You have to burn yourself everyday to keep hating the same way. No one wants to do that. What makes a person hate anyone? There is only one thing. It’s when you crush someone’s faith so hard that he can’t build it up again. We get several chances to keep the faith of that person alive but if we fail to keep it every time. Then it gives him nothing but hate.
I would like to question myself on one of the statement above, that everyone is born as a good person. A friend told me once that a person who makes a mistake on impulsive reaction is still a good person. He just got deviated for a moment. That person would feel guilt for his mistakes on his own without any intervention from anyone. But if someone has a habit of doing it over and again then he is nothing but a cheater, he won’t feel guilty until someone intervene him and makes him realize. And those people wouldn’t feel that guilt for long. They would hardly think about what others are going through due to their actions. I hate to say but such people are born as bad people. I hope i am wrong about all this. Because no one would want a world with such people. A good person would surely turn a lost person into good again. But a born bad person will only create more bad people in the world.
Why do people cheat?
There are several answers to that. But every answer to that looks like an excuse. When we think more in terms of what i have got from him or what i will get, it leads us towards cheating. Instead we should be thinking in terms of what i have done for him, what more i can do for him, what more i can give.
But if you are at the receiving end here and thinking of how i can’t hate and why i shouldn’t hate, then think of this that you are just going to add up to the chain of hate and turning another person into a bad person from your hate and bad deeds to them. If you really felt so bad with the deed of other person to you then you wouldn’t want the other person to feel the same bad. No matter who is that person. No matter if you know him enough or not. Because when you felt bad, you would have asked yourself that how any person can do this to anyone?

Aditya Srivastava

Engineering of emotions

aditya01889 — Sat, 17 Jan 2015 14:32:09 +0000

Life is pretty much simple to sum up. Its learning from your mistakes. But how do we decide that what are our mistakes to learn from. Mistakes are nothing but outcome of imbalance of equilibrium which you are trying to stabilize. But equilibrium is created from two sides. To decide that which imbalance is caused by you, you have to see which side lacked the right inputs.
What we should intend to do is to stabilize the equilibrium rather than finding the side which lacks input. I understand that finding that side is important to make sure what kind of solutions you want to add to it to stabilize. As only if we know whether it is exothermic reaction or endothermic reaction that we need to add. The best way of making it work is to take the responsibility of doing rather than asking for it from the other side. The only way you can ask the other side to do it, is by showing that you are doing it and what you do is reflected by the other side as well. Things are never complex. Its our over thinking on an issue which makes it complex. As a believer of god, i would say that whatever efforts you will put in to stabilize the equilibrium, god will help you in that as a catalyst, but if you fail then take the blame on you rather than putting it on other side or even on god. Even if you fail once at it. Don’t give up on it. The equilibrium is still here. Its just unstable at the moment. Put your efforts again to make it right. Going to the next such equilibrium, thinking that you failed and you are done with it, will never let you stabilize any other equilibrium. You can’t be done with anything if you haven’t succeeded in it. God never give up on us and that’s what he want from us. We do promises to fulfill them, to keep them. It’s not a promise if it has been broken. But not making promises is not the solution of that. Its again running away from your duties in life. If you want to be honest with god then start being honest with yourself and admit your mistakes and sins to yourself and do things to improve them. We seek forgiveness for our mistakes so that we can live in peace. But real work is after you have been granted forgiveness. What are you doing to make those things right which you couldn’t at first time.
It’s the impulse which causes every next mistake in a person’s life. Its up to you that how you react to these impulses. If you can control yourself for few seconds then all that will of making a wrong decision will go away. This is the way of holding up or releasing your emotions during those impulses which keeps your equilibrium stable or makes it unstable. The engineering of emotions is how you manufacture the consequences of your life with the inputs of emotions in right amount and at right timing. And god will be the catalyst for your equilibrium.

Aditya Srivastava

Hope

aditya01889 — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 08:48:02 +0000

Time is a very cruel machine. There is nothing like good times or bad times. Its just time. We fool ourselves by adding adjective to it. When it turns around, it can take you places you haven’t ever thought of going.
A person sees different kind of times in his lifetime. It starts from the point when you are born. And you know that how horrible its going to be from here on and we cry with the very first sight of this world. God gave us the emotion of crying because he knows that’s what you will need very often. And smile, happiness, etc is a man made emotion. And like any other man made thing, it doesn’t stays for long.
We feel different kind of emotions during our life of journey. The time when we are hurt first, is the time when we start to learn. But we have a very bad intelligence system. We tend to forget every time that when it hurts, it pains but i think we have an affection towards pain which take us back to the same point where we get hurt again. Or may be its just our willingness to learn more. I remember the first time when i went to school and i was very happy to find a way to learn where you don’t have to put yourself in front of pain for learning something new. Still there are some things which you can’t learn there.
Our sole reason for inflicting pain upon us is planning way too much than required. But we plan because we feel very sure of what we have. But we can’t do anything about that. We don’t possess the power of any fortune teller, so we can’t predict that perfectly to avoid it. But sometimes some things give you so much happiness that you can’t accept the fact that even they can go away from you and those are the things which give you the most excruciating pain. We say we can move on from anything but we are made in a way by god that we hold on to some things so much that it can be somewhere in the depth but it won’t go away. We don’t learn and keep small instances of pain so that we can have the space for keeping these life changing instances.
Hope is the only thing which will always give you a way to keep moving forward. But when you attach all your hopes to only one thing then you are just asking for more damage in your life because when you loose that one thing then you have no hope at all. And lack of any kind of hope turns you into a person you have never seen or thought of. Lack of hope, gives you all negative things. Hate is one of those things which you get with lack of hope. But i believe hate will never give anything good. It never gives you satisfaction. It will only make you a person you never wanted to be. Don’t think in terms of what good others have done to you. Think what good you have done to others and what more good you can do in future. This is the only way of making all the people in the world a good person. When you do good to a person who has done bad to you then you are being a man god wanted you to be. Your good deed will make that person think of his deeds to you and to all the world.
Being honest with yourself is the only honesty one should have. That can keep you sane enough. Don’t run away from your bad deeds ever. Stay, come back to them, seek forgiveness and your duty is still not over. Stay to make it right again no matter how much effort it takes. Because you should be honest with that thing you said to yourself when you took that deed and made promises to stick to the deed until its done.
Even with all this, there is always a question in mind that when you get that pain then what have you done to deserve that pain. Some says that god sees everything and what goes around comes back around. But beside that its your own decisions which took you to that point where you found that pain. But causing pain with your decisions to yourself is still far better than causing pain to others with your decisions. Things you do after that will never keep you completely happy. There will be always a guilt which will never let you lead your life in a way you want. You can seek forgiveness from that person whom you have caused pain. If he forgives you then that can be a relief but the question is if you can forgive yourself for causing that pain to other person.
Tears are just a way to let out your pain but guilt will always stay inside. There is no solution to this problem.

Aditya Srivastava

Unexplainable

aditya01889 — Mon, 03 Nov 2014 05:22:54 +0000

Being confident is not everything, not even being mature is everything. Sometimes some things hit u at a time when you can understand the pain of it. You know what you are loosing or have lost but you wish if you would have that amateur person who can’t bear the pain and cry out loud. The ability to understand and correspond actions accordingly is an overload on your emotional self. When your ability of deduction can even show you that what lies ahead of the instance in which you loose your dearest thing, then you wish if i wouldn’t have come this far or gone this way. And you know there is no going back from here but there is no way forward as well, then the question of your existence and reason of keep moving on, starts to fade away.
You are so numb that you are doing the very usual things of everyday but you yourself is fighting with you from within to prove that still there can be ways to carry on this path and deny the fact that you have lost anything. There is already a guilt that you couldn’t do much to avoid it and now there is one more bad feeling that you are not even able to express your sorrow for sometime. While standing on this intersection of feelings you don’t want to go in any direction but just stand here and wait for someone who would come and tell you that this all was just a bad dream and the reality is really the way you always wanted it to be.
Solution is only one. Go according to the law of universe. Whatever you give to universe it gives you back the same thing. In this case more the number of attempts you make to make things better more it will try to make things better for you in some way. We are a very small entity of this universe. We can never see what picture universe has for us. That’s why we get to see it in parts, in small clips. That’s why we need to be patient to see the big picture.

Aditya Srivastava

Thinking of suicide? Read me

aditya01889 — Tue, 21 Oct 2014 00:08:26 +0000

We need to spread it. It’s a major concern. We call our self social animal. We are loosing the social part. Read it to find out what i mean.

Expectations – you can’t avoid.

aditya01889 — Sun, 19 Oct 2014 19:31:27 +0000

We expect because we only want to see what we have seen, but that’s natural as we don’t have ways to know future.

Expectations are the basis of our existence in this world. The very beginning of our life starts with it. A new born is expected to live, a teenager is expected to become mature, a lover is expected to love his/her partner. An old-age person is expected to give everything back what he/she learned in life. It’s an ongoing cycle.

Expectations can build one and they can destroy one too. Fulfilling them is not the only thing in order to achieve happiness. It also depends that if the expected deed was worthy of fulfillment or not. And also the time involved in their fulfillment. If one decides the safe path by not expecting anything from anyone then it becomes even more challenging for the person. As the person also loses the ability to notice the expectations of others from him/her, gradually. It can make life beautiful when everything is coming in place on time but it can make life miserable when it’s not synchronized.

The hardest part is when time makes people exchange their shoes, they are standing in. When suddenly u want to fulfill every expectation of others and no one is there to look back at you for the same. Most of the time its considered that emotions make us expect more but actually emotions just make us realize what expectations we already have.

The fact is that the blame game will always be there between the one who expects and the one from whom it was expected, as it’s our very human nature. Even from the time of our ancestors- apes, who have tendency of copying others. They see, they do. Even now we are doing the same, whatever we have seen yet, we do that and we expect others to do the same and any unseen result is out of our expectations.
So not expecting is not the solution and surprises will always be there when expecting for something. We just need to take those surprises as a new thing to expect for next time.

We learn only by seeing as we are still a little bit as apes.

The Great Indian Anarchist

aditya01889 — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 00:56:08 +0000

Indian politics is going through the major unraveling of ideology in present times. A completely new kind of methods are being used in governance. Some are in the opinion that the new government of Delhi formed by AAP doesn’t have enough skills to run the government properly. And according to experts they will fail with such strategies. I am not going to vote for that person who does work according to such a safe design which only brings his party votes. If someone is ready to solve stated and unstated problems without having the fear of loosing the power then that person is the one who really thinks about the country and it’s people.
The current activities taking place outside Rail Bhawan is highly misinterpreted by media houses. The worst part is that media is being conclusive these days, instead of being presenter of unbiased picture. The language used by TV channels is judgmental and their words are designing only a particular idea in the mind of people.
Everyone wanted that the next government in the state shouldn’t be like the one in the past. They should work in an active manner. Now its being done by new Delhi government in unorthodox ways then why its a hiccup. People are saying that why they are not using usual ways to get it done. The problem of Delhi police authority was not being solved even when the state and central government belonged from the same political party. The statements pointed out by different political houses can be called justified as its their attempt to stay in the fight for recent elections in future. But the kind of work done by media houses in this particular scenario has completely proved that what a laughable puppet they are.