Critical Satirical

Rave or Not Rave

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Fri, 22 Jun 2012 18:14:00 +0000

So much for the protests against Mr. Dhoble. Now that we know that the drugs were flowing freely, what do the liberal protesting glitteratti have to say?

The OH!! Blood Group

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 12:09:00 +0000

Never thought these things existed till I was stunned by this piece of news .
May not be long before we start hearing about Hi! group, Hey! group! Kool! group etc

Kerala & the Dried Up Coke

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 15:07:00 +0000

Most of the keralites, like the rest of the Indians, would'nt hesitate to empty a coke bottle down their throats especially now in the summers. However the the relation between the "Coke People" and kerala has been uneasy.

First of all whats most unsettling was that the multinational cola giant was given the required permission to open a bottling plant in Palakkad (an Eastern kerala district and a bastion of communism) by none other than the communists themselves. What merit they saw in permitting the same by which they effectively broke their anti multinational and anti capitalistic stance , need to be questioned.

Then as the agitations began on account of the huge water consumptions by the coke plant leading to lowering of water table in the surrounding areas causing droughts etc, the government resumed their anti-multinational , anti-exploitation stance.

Also there were accusations of the coke being contaminated with pescticides (obviously that had to happen as the ground water itself had such contaminations, but then the multinationals should have purified the same as they had international standards to maintain)

After all these accusations , counter accusations , the company closing down etc - the kerala government is now claiming a loss of around Rs.200 crores and the committee of the local people are claiming damages of around Rs.4500 crore.

I have something to say here - "Please refer to the claims settled in case of a colossal tragedy like the Bhopal Gas Tragedy and then make the tall claims that you are making .It may be more worthwhile to make claims against the state government which granted the permission. After all can the permission givers be left scot free while penalising the permission seekers?"

Great Vocabulary

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 12:55:00 +0000

I came across two ingenuos people on the net.

They argued furiously :

Con-grass...........is ...#@$&^&&$#@..
BJ..Peeed $#267^%$...

Innovative guys.

Penniless Olympic Campaign

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 15:49:00 +0000

No money, No Uniforms and thus our athletes fall back on our national sport - begging.
That's what our sports associations and administrations have trained them for.

The fall back option may give them some solace by way of fund raisers.

Feel like sending some Indian sports officials to the winter olympics devoid of their clothes so that they can watch the games sitting bare assed on the snow.

A Fast Woman

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 15:19:00 +0000

She comes from the 'Pardah Lands'.
But unveiled a fast one the other day.

From behind their shrouds
Came her countrmen proud

This is the rousing reception Naseem Hamid got for her dream run in SAF games.
Atlast Pakistan has done something without the guns and it took a woman to show the way too.
And as always it takes a woman to break through her veil.

A Chest Full Of Ideas

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 07:54:00 +0000

Firstly, I had this hobby of staring at chests (with gender bias ofcourse)
That hooked me on to something else - staring at all printed chests (no gender bias here).
My occupation led me to the below mentioned discoveries.

Alas, I cannot pride myself as a pioneer on my Columbus style adventures - for I have seen many others of my clan straining their eyes in the process of similar discoveries.

Here I go :

"Printed on a female T-shirt - "Iam good in Bed - I can sleep for hours"
(for a split second I had those wonderful illusions until I fell down with a thud)

Again on the same place , the very same gender - "Whats inside is much better than what's seen outside - My heart"
(I didn't salivate this time and being more circumspect managed to avoid the thud)

"Power of Observation is good - But watch were you are going"
(that belonged to a crowd puller and all the columbuses managed to return with a sheepish grin)

"All Cover-Ups are not always bad"
(Very true, or else people are sure to go under the vehicle tyres, wide eyed!)

With monsoon coming things have become a bit difficult, between managing my umbrella and surveying the available reading material. But for the sake of you all , I promise I shall continue the good work.

Off Goes The OX To Make Way For the Tiger

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 18:32:00 +0000

The chinese want to catch the Ox's tail before the tiger comes.
The tiger being inauspicious they prefer the Ox.
More over the tiger comes on the valentines day.

Why do the chinese behave this way?

About Uncomfortable Smooches & PDAs

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 18:06:00 +0000

Never thought that like the Indians , the europeans too are not very comfortable locking the lips in public. Though in India its a blasphemy to coochy coo in public, the europeans are only a bit uncomfortable about it.

For Indians all their culture gets washed away by the saliva from the smooching mouths.

And by now you must all be knowing that PDA doesn't mean Personal Digital Assistant/Accessory always.

Heights of Public Speaking

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 16:37:00 +0000

I don't make fun of people who cannot speak english properly. But given a situation wherein the person has decided to do something in english , I expect they take proper linguistic advice.

Now here is a person who wants to represent the people and has not even cared to use proper language in his election campaign. If he is so lethargic or insensitive not to take help from those who know english or atleast allow others to draft the election campaign notice or else how can we be sure that he will represent us properly.?

This is what he says in his campaign pamphlet regarding his candidature to Mumbai Muncipal Corporation (Ward no. name of candidate etc are kept confidential)

_________________________________________

The heading says -

"Humble request - Interested candidate from ward no......."
(All candidates are interested in getting elected aren't they? OR is he the only one interested? Or otherwise what is his special interest that the others don't have?)

Again he goes - "It gives me immense pleasure to introduce myself, I........"
(What pleases him so much in introducing himself. A Narcissist? Any way its immensely clear that he is more than pleased with himself.)

"Iam a Social Worker and also own a business of decorator. Iam serving people selflessly for last 30 years. Since my work is of decoration - whether it is social, religions, marriage, birth ceremony etc, social work is in my aim."
(First he says decoration is his business, then he converts it to social work and then mixes it up with serving the society and thus projects himself as the ideal society serving politician. Consistently with his thoughts he mixes up society , religion , marriage , birth etc thus trying to place himself on all the facets of life that touches the people irrespective of caste , religion etc. The ideal leader.)

Now come the clinchers -

" Dear friend I vows to solve all problems of ward no......and promise to make the ward no........... and idea ward."
(What an idea sirji - solve all the problems of the ward, as simple as that. Wish someone would make him the prime minister)

"Your support is highly solicited"
(Sirji all your ideals are very high, so why make it still higher?)

Our most humble fellow signs off with :

"Your own dynamic candidate & social worker"
(Though he is dynamic and doing his business in real time his real heart is in only social work. Ah.. what great ideals.That's what's called as brand identity & value based management. All brand managers please note)

After this he gives a note :

"Note : Pleas be free to call me at below gives nos for only problem"
(Was it a note of caution? So it transpires that since he has cleaned the ward of all its problems, he has no where to store them and so he has piled it up at his home. Hence he says - please call me i shall supply you with the problems. But only if you make pleas for it)

One thing is sure , the decorator who is also a social worker and who now wants to further serve the society, is on the right path. He is the best fit considering the qualities of his peer group and those of the great many others who are currently engaged in 'serving the society'.

Gone With The Wind, the Story of Mergers

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 18:23:00 +0000

I set the alarm for next morning on my cellphone.
That set me thinking. A few years ago I used to do the same on watches, mechanical or digital ones.
Now watches and and telephones have merged.

So have cameras and telephones.
Kodak people who made a fortune selling films went broke.
Never in their wildest dreams did they imagine the rrriing......... rrrrring...... thing to eat up their cameras.

Type writers made way to their posher cousins - the elctronic type writers, whose print outs commanded a premium as regards the out put from their poor cousins. That's before that intelligent, multi tasking computer fellow ate up the whole of typing world. Remington became history.

Form walk man we have come a long way to ipods and songs & videos on mobiles etc.
We rarely switch on our bulky music systems now a days unless we are partying. We cannot stay put to give company to our immobile audio systems. The words 'Stereo' and 'music system' have almost been forgotten.

The edges are getting blurred day by day. Music available on telephone, telephones doubling up as mini computers, computers sort of becoming the hub from where thing are routed or re -routed in case of need. Things have become interchangeable and truly integrated. The time is not far away when the multiple gadgets may give way for a single one.

ALL MERGED IN TO ONE.

Tiger Woods got a Lot to Learn

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 18:25:00 +0000

While Tiger Woods is ducking behind trees and hiding behind bushes and is all but being lost to the world, here is a man who can teach a thing or two to the tiger.

Our man married five times and is under engagement for a sixth one.
He has a love child with a woman who is the daughter of a man (his friend). The man (the father of the woman mind you) being 6 years younger to him.

While he is happily fu...ng around, his ministry is trying to prevent the spread of aids by condom use and faithfulness.

Thats South African President for you - Joseph Zuma.
___________________________________
In 2006, while being acquitted of rape, Mr Zuma admitted that he had made a mistake by having unprotected sex with a woman he knew to be HIV-positive. She was also the daughter of a family friend.
________________________________

While Tiger Woods is hopping from one sex addiction clinic to the other, Zuma, here, is steadily building on his pre-marital, marital, post-marital & extra-marital ties and all the while ruling over his people.

Top 10 Product Recalls

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 17:27:00 +0000

Toyota recalls around 9 million cars for replacing two things 1) Faulty mats that meddle with the pedals and 2) Pedals that press themselves down thus giving an auto acceleration mode to the car every now and then.

Honda calls back around half a million cars for replacing window switches that might catch fire while they help in winding down the windows. (thus the passengers may end up having fingers looking like french fries)

U thought only cars can be recalled? Nope, recall history has been from cribs to medicines to processed beef. The last one was recalled because some of the cattle slaughtered were found reluctant to walk to the slaughter house and hence suspected of having diseases. (or were they unwilling to be slaughtered?)

Here is a list of top 10 product recalls in history.

A Deserving Padmashri

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 09:26:00 +0000

'I deserved it' - says Saif Ali Khan regarding him getting awarded the Padma shri.
He also adds - 'The previous awardees haven't exaclty invented nuclear bombs', thus admitting that his having done nothing just doesn't exclude him from the reckoning.

Add two and two togather we get to know that nothing much needs be done to deserve a Padmashri. Any Shriman can deserve it. Then why do only some get awarded?

And then he says "I will live up to the award".

Now if no one knows on what basis the award is given, then how does one live up its expecatations?

What the heck, if Obama can be given the Nobel Prize as a forward looking statement than on his achievements then why not Saif, atleast that will keep him away from hunting black bucks.

Why Should I BLog?

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 15:05:00 +0000

Here is someone trying to assign some reasons , methods and some sanity to the blogging world and spirit.

Are those the reasons why I blog?
Are those methods used by me? OR should I use them at all?
Should there be any methods or rules at all?

The social media is itself becoming so complicted that it is now almost as diverse as the human nature itself and i guess assigning rules may be like stifling the diversity.

The diversity shall define the boundary and rules.

The All New iPad

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 14:00:00 +0000

After a laptop, note book and an iPhone now its the iPad.
iPad is something between an iPhone & a Laptop and looks a tablet like thing.
Roughly costing between $500 to & $900 (Rs.23000 to Rs.43000 roughly)
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But will it succeed? The iPad is by no means a sure bet. It still, after all, is a tablet—fairly big and fairly heavy. Unlike an iPod or an iPhone, you can’t stick an iPad in your pocket or pocketbook. It also looks to be a cumbersome device. The iPad would be ideal for a three-handed person—two hands to hold it and another to manipulate its touchscreen—but most humans, alas, have only a pair of hands. And with a price that starts at $500 and rises to more than $800, the iPad is considerably more expensive than the Kindles and netbooks it will compete with.

These iPad like , tablet like things have been in existence for quite some time, however now they stand a chance of being the solution to a set of problems rather than being a problem whose solution no one knew.

--------------------------------------------------

Probably the one big effect that iPad is going to have is on the book worms. iPad has a book store wherein you can keep reading books one after the other. Also the tablet is almost like a book being held (and light enough too) and can be held and read as if reading a book.

Now its not actually the nerds who are having a party over the iPad release. Its the ladies.
iPad was quick to remind them of a different kind of pad they are used to and having fired their imagination they are now fantacising about real iPads, iTampons and iCondoms. Listen to these tweets....

For Those Who Feel Very English.

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 17:10:00 +0000

Here is a blog with a speciality friday feature aimed at those who feel themselves to be on top of the english vocabulary peak.

Get ready for a crash landing with a big thud.

Carbon Credit and Copenhagen

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 18:08:00 +0000

I got overwhelmed by the avalanche of reporting from copenhagen while I was still trying to find out what they were really talking about in Copenhagen.

Global warming, ozone layer, carbon credits and emissions etc. looked like the icing on the cake that I could not see.

Then came the whole lot confusion, resentment, anger persuasion etc of negotiating the text , with some trying to keep alive the kyoto agreement (where in the world is that place?and why do they want to keep it alive?), while some others wanted to wipe kyoto off.

Obama strode in , the Chinese premier and Indian Prime minister both sulked, and while the european countries lined up behind the US as usual the Africans feeling more safer in the company of brown skins stood beside the Indians and didn't particularly mind the Sino-Indian camarderie.

Locally, I listened to a lot of technical jargons, conjectures and theories - coming from my friends & colleagues who in the first place never believed in weather/climate or its forecasts. All of a sudden their awareness had increased.

But of all the people only one man spoke explicitly and sensibly about climate talks, laying things out simply - M.D.Nalappat . Its better to read him than attend any Copenhagen talks.

On Auto Pilot To Catch The Flight

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 17:44:00 +0000

Mamta Bannerjee beats the traffic.

Couldn't help wondering what some other ministers might have done - probably would 've called up the airline to wait for them till they got out of the jam and boarded.

To some extent that might have happened here too - the pilot getting mixed up in the traffic jam looked very fishy.

Listen to This ...........

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 15:35:00 +0000

Someone says - "......matters of public policy are not to be discussed in public."

WHAT THE F... does he mean?

Then how are they to be discussed - privately? Secretly may be... so that those privileged few with prior information (insider information) of things can keep on exploiting the others - the public, because they are not entitled to know of policies made on their behalf.

This is what external affairs minister S.M. Krishna had to tell about the tweeting Shashi Tharoor and his 'wayward ways'.

Now if the "public policy" cannot be discussed, analysed, taken apart or critcised in public then there is no use us lamenting about the state of affairs in India. With ministers talking like this - the secretive, non transparent administrative methods are bound to thrive at all levels from the Presidential Bungalow to the local police station where it took Ruchika and her kin years to file an FIR.

S.M. Krishna should first of all stop behaving as if he is the only man with a balanced mind who can absorb it all and that the rest of his country men are absolute duds who understand nothing and more over create a mess if kept informed.

How long will these pompous ministers keep hoodwinking the public like N. D. Tiwari did till he was 86 ?

Cricket In Your Town. You'r Not Allowed To Watch!

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 07:18:00 +0000

'Are the tickets already sold out?'
'Well... there are no tickets to be sold.'

'No tickets to be sold? Then who will watch the game?'
'Those who don't (ever) buy tickets.'

Thats the best googly ever bowled by anyone, claiming around 30000 wickets without any tickets.

The Headley History

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 17:59:00 +0000

Came across this all revealing background of David Headley alias Daood Gilani.

Its surprising to note that while he fought for or helped fundamentalist islam he never shied away from other liberal and capitalist avenues of life which Islam strictly prohibits like drugs,wine, women and partying.

Its a very dangerous world wherein the supposed puritans follow the paths of the so called 'kafirs' without shame and at the same time denounce the rest of the world as 'kafirs'.

India's food Grain Problem Solved !!

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 15:48:00 +0000

Yes you heard me right. We have been able to give a sustainable solution to our perennial problem of food grain shortage. Whats more , if the strategy works it may even be scaled up to meet the export targets too.

We start from hunger. Thus solving hunger. As simple as that. How ingenuous.

Have a look at this - More Indians are taking to hunger strikes. Thus the current food production will certainly end up being double the demand thus boosting our grain exports.

If you get more states in the bargain, all the more better because as a food sufficiency strategy the hunger campaigners must become successful in getting their own spaces declared as states. Only then can it serve as an incentive to drive more people on the hunger strike path.

But tell me something - If so many people are ready to go hungry, why are we complaining of food shortage in the first place?

Osama's Great Escape

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 15:25:00 +0000

This document here gives a detailed log of how things unfolded in 2001 resulting in the supposed escape of Osama Bin Laden.

Are they true? Is Osama not dead? Was he not buried on the afghan mountains after the american carpet bombing? Don't ask me.

It has all the charactaristics like the eternal Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose type mystery. The only difference probably being that while Netaji is held in high esteem as a national hero and as one who cared for the people , the other is a dreaded islamic fundementalist who burns down buildings full of people without even blinking, in the name of religion.

"Avatar for Christmas."

noreply@blogger.com (Critical Satirical) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 14:59:00 +0000

James Cameron presents another one of his Titanic efforts. Supposedly mind boggling in terms of special effects - "Avatar" has mixed reviews with more on the 4 star side than one the 2 star side.

Looking back at Titanic , Avatar should not be disappointing but can't be too sure that recession hasn't affected James Cameron also.