It's All Part of the Adventure

Dear Stuck Up and Snotty Jerks.

2011-06-02T16:05:00.001-06:00

So I have things I want to say to certain ppl. But Being in the community I am in, I can't its not conducive to just opening your mouth and letting shit fly .. Ok .. I suppose anywhere you can do that... But I'M not Conducive to it.... But I thought .. HA .. My Blog, This isnt to anyone person in particular more a general SPIRIT of people.

Dear Stuck Up and Snotty Jerks,
Thank you for always assuming the worst of me, Thank you for taking innocent statements and using them against me like im a narcissistic Leper. Thank you for always choosing to side with the less educated ( enlightenment -wise that is ) the less friendly, the more judgemental and mentally oppressed to side with. Thank you for being cowards and not standing up for whats right or taking the time to step outside of your popularity circle to realize that Im not all these things that have become perceived of me. Thank you for not understanding that on my worst day i will be more accepting and friendly than you have ever been to me. Thank you for teaching me that i dont need People like that in my life. I appreciate that although it hurts every step of the way , that although every day in and out , every function or anything i have to cross paths with you folks, That In the end Im somehow better off for not being part of that reciprocally vicious end game you all play with each other. Although I was so unpleasantly ousted from the circle, I think , Im far better off . although Im lonely and Loathe the days i have to cross paths with some of you. In the end im better off. My Future self thanks you as well for sparing me even more years of your Mediocrity and small minded pettiness. I appreciate that i dont have to play fake to get along, I sit by myself and enjoy , TRULY enjoy my life and know that in the end i didnt sacrifice myself to be part of some bigger picture, that would only beget me bad feeling of myself and change who I am. I thank you all as well for not being friendly enough to suck me in too deep to change who i am or want to be fundamentally, and that I know in the end no matter what i stayed true to myself, My beliefs, My values, My heart and most of all my family. Those Boys you all love to praise so much ? They didnt get that way on their own, But i guess im just the nut job mother who lucked out in your eyes. But Thank you for thinking that because ive had more time to dedicate to my Beautiful Boys while you run around pretending to be pillars of society while secretly weeping behind closed doors about your failed relationships at home with your husband or Children. I understand this is harsh, But really , Truly, Its how i have been treated no matter how much i gave of myself to This community or to your children from my heart It never mattered because i wouldnt bend who I was inside. I am a deeply empathetic Loving, compassionate individual and imperfect. But I dont and WONT be the Community Gossip when i hear things, I become the champion of the weak or for those who arent there to speak and somehow ive earned my wings as an outcast So thank you for my wings Stuck Up and Snotty Jerks I wear them proudly!
Yours Truly,
The Girl who wont break herself to fit in.

.

Im a Grown up!

2010-08-06T15:59:00.000-06:00

So The other night our whole family ( even our neighbourhood adopted son ) Sat down to watch a movie, and I'm about halfway through I realize even though the characters in the movie are for the most part older than I, the jokes, that have me and hubby laughing the kids occasionally, and the music are geared and specifically aimed at Adults in the room ( being my husband and myself! ) I was floored, when I realized i was a target market! I mean yes yes Kids are, Teenagers are ... all kinds of demographics are. What I'm talking about though are specific things like the jokes and movies being directed at people specifically my age. Not that I am getting it because i paid attention to what mom was telling me about something and i remembered and so this joke was funny i mean they are talking over and over about things that i was alive for. Moments where you think back and say i was here and doing this at the time this happened. Then the music i knew it all it was from the height of my childhood, the days you often look back at saying ahh those were the times why was I in such a hurry to get out of that age. It was a dawning of OMG I'm THAT age, THAT age that i looked at years in advance when i was younger thinking WOW that's old, or THAT age where you have set yourself as a

youngen to have achieved certain things or be living in a certain way ( very few of which i have met for the record *sigh* oh well! ) It would have been just a Hmm OK thing had it not kept happening over and over Life was screaming at me to realize i guess its rushing past start embracing things and making your move! You see as i sat and watched the Golden Girls Rerun, i realized they too are not as old as I had once thought they are only in their fifties, When I watched it when it originally aired ( yes it pains me to point that out ) I thought they were these old grandmas, and the way they dressed and acted even back then seemed so much older than they truly are but to realize in my thirties I'm only 14 -ish years off from where there was sure a smack in the face let me tell you.

I've been struggling to find ( and keep ) a Job as of late, I finally managed to land one today with the most perfect hours allows me to work get it out of the way and as I am done by Ten am i still have the rest of the day to carry on ! really excited about these hours but the best thing .. the Most official GROWN UP thing is being its five day a week thing I have qualified for Health Benefits. WOO! now I've always had benefits through my husband but having my very own to help contribute that way is actually fairly exciting! I cant believe that in 34 Years I've yet to have accomplished this milestone, and for so many years I've been at home raising my kids, something I'm not even remotely ready to give up as they are still young in my eyes and very much need me even more! Something else the hours of my shiny new job provide, but to have Health benefits to pick up the slack of what Hubby's doesn't pay is so liberating and Really feels almost like the most grown up thing I've ever provided or done!

Apparently having Children at such a young age robbed me of feeling like i was growing up ? I'm guessing, I don't know what has stopped me from feeling truly as I'm a productive adult. For years I've felt like i was just drifting from one thing to the next and I guess i didn't realize somewhere along the way i became that full fledged adult I always dreamed about being as a young teen. Sure there are many ways I would love to go back and do over, Look backwards longingly from time to time however for the most part I love my life the security i have gained over the years, the self esteem that has built the i just don't give a flying shit about you or what you think attitude that comes with age i wouldn't give very much of that up at all. however I always felt something was missing and I have found as i look back over the last year that what i am realizing is I've been a grown up all along, what was missing was enjoying the fact that I was a grown up!

Are We Really that Busy ?

2010-04-13T22:51:00.000-06:00

So Its been an incredibly long time since I wrote, I wanted to be WAY more proactive in this BLOG of mine, But yeah .. Just hasn't happened for one reason to the next. Which brings me to todays blog. I could say I was busy sure, and I was... I recently saw this article and or news show... can't remember which , which was discussing are MOMS really that busy. The title alone incensed me and i thought oh bogus im not listening to one word of that its going to tear apart modern day moms, the stress and or depression we feel, and just generally compare us to moms gone by. I had this whole internal dialogue with myself ( as i often do and yes sometimes it escapes my lips to odd looks of passers by! ) about how Good grief who wrote that dumb article, do they KNOW what we do in a day ? Its got to be some overachieving career person who doesnt realize the absolute CHORE of what we do sometimes. But then it gave way to scrutinizing my life under a microscope of what do i really do that keeps me ALL that busy.

As life would have it ( murphys law some will say ) I had another lesson handed to me like a slap across the face screaming wake up, that just further added to this self microscoped life id been leading as of late. They had taken some tests in my sons Grade Two Classes. You know the kind that measure some useless ability we never access or need ( yes i can say with some certaintity because i discussed it with the teacher ... but we will get to that! ) But that make you feel like the dumbest person alive, or the worst parent alive because your Child got some low ass score! I mean seriously I read my sons results and suddenly was flung into this downward spiral of how ive failed my son spiral that only a mother can truly appreciate! I started to realize, to my sheer dismay that ive totally abandoned my youngest son, You see I have three boys if you remember, the 7 yr old being the youngest and It occured to me that OH EM GEE ( yess sadly said just like that in my head ) Ive just left him twisting in the wind of his own devices of education and learning. I havent helped him teh way i helped my First born or middle born, Ive continually and repeatedly said to people My kids are alot bigger now,( referring to the fact that alot of my friends children are younger than mine! ) and for whatever reason this 'test' was a catalyst to make me realize um, Yeah i still have a SMALL child in my grasp.

So here i was sitting knowing that ive all but forgotten i have a small child, who is failing miserably at life, and the media is questioning are we really that busy questioning every move ive made in the last five years and did i abandon him because I AM THAT BUSY ( dumb media ) or Im really not im just self centered ? ( DUMB MEDIA... For making me realize that UGH ) I set to becoming Nazi mom, We were going to read on schedule every night sign the dumb duotang that more often than not gets forgotten about till amonth later that is just a record of how poorly im doing ( as the entries are stupidly sporadic! ) I was going to make sure these three boys of mine had Fresh made meals, from scratch if need be, Every whiff of dirty laundry removed from the house, the most sparkley house youd be able to see it from space, that Damn article was NOT going to prove right iw as going to be DAMN BUSY! Right down to the the very details i assumed it was going to nitpick at as to have Fresh LIME Jello moulds with fruit and tiny marshmallows in it like House moms from the Fifties made. Call me BUSY BEE MOM! See article WE ARE THAT BUSY ! HA! Try to tell this mom or ANY mom we arent busy, try to show us our kids are not acing some backdoor IQ test.We will show you how wrong you are......

Um... But wait ? what am i proving ? it takes an article or test to get me motivated, isnt that what got me in this mess in the first place ? Im not really that busy, My kid is failing at abstract patterning ? Only the grades and media shoved in my face got me motivated, HELLO DOWNWARD SPIRAL #2 .... Great... What can i do here now to get out of this mess without being wrong all the way around because believe you me i was bound and determined to take what i felt and make it feel good ... I tried every which way possible, Got the house spickety spanned, the dinners the freshest they had ever been not a cardboard box in sight for weeks.. i was burnt out, I was tired, I felt like a nuclear disaster was about to happen the minute a stray crumb hit the floor!! The dreaded phone call from the teacher came, as a reply to a request to discuss my sons failing at life.... I spoke with her only to learn so many kids did poorly on the test, Kids who couldnt read, aced this Test hat requires a degree to even pronounce. Kids who aced school flunked, It occured to me momentarily as the teacher spoke, What the heck was i doing or even thinking ? I already long ago decided a grade, mark or silly test didnrt matter to me its what was IN my child that mattered it was their personal success rate that mattered. If the teacher could tell me my kid was doing wonderfully and was a joy .. THAT mattered, not that they couldnt cut a straight line or repeat some abstract thought process.

I finished the call, finished up coffee with a friend, and headed home, My thoughts looming and lurking in the back of my head threatening to spiral out of control again, But then reality hit me.... The teacher just told me my son was doing wonderfully, a pleasant cooperative child, sometimes not very participatory but quite obviously with the program because he is advancing!!! Stupid test i already KNEW that, thanks for making me doubt Myself and Him with your BELOW AVERAGE score! Sure it takes patterning as a career off the table but im sure he will survive. Then that stupid article creeped back into my mind ... DAMN ARTICLE... I had to resolve that whole microscopic mind jabber.... Well It occured to me rather quickly ... the whole last month id been running around worried my child was losing out on being seven , i wasnt doing enough for him that i got so darn busy that i missed out on so much i was Too Tired for that extra snuggle at the end of the day, I was too stressed from all the work i did for that extra giggle! I missed more than i had ever wanted, I was in some twisted time warp that left me feeling empty hearted, empty handed, empty lapped, and just Lonely.

You see I totally get that SOME moms run their kids here and there and truly are physically busy, so that article would never evne apply to them because they KNOw they are busy, The article for me made me get physically busy, but im a laid back emotionally hands on type of mom, My kids are independant in so many ways and in so many ways they are not. What i had missed while i was Physically busy was the emotional busy. The laughter we shared over silly dances as music blared from our stereo, the in depth conversations started from a simple commercial for hungry kids. The lessons that i had taught in the past were gone, All iw as teaching them at this point was to stay the hell away from and you had BETTER DAMN WELL pick UP that glass you left. Those are lessons that can be taugth anytime and sure i want themt o respect their home they live in and be clean, but i think in time that just happens but what i missed trying to prove that article wrong was so valuable and wont be regained. Sure there will be WAY more oppurtunties in teh future but our kids are growing so fast that i dont want to miss one single minute of the laughs and love.

So News Article and Stupid Test, Im NOT failing my children and i am busy! Im not busy in the traditional sense of running from here to there activity to activity ... in fact i LOATHE that sort of busy. However im EMOTIONALLY busy, Im raising three responsible boys who will know when and how to understand their wife. I am raising polite boys who will know the good bad and ugly of life because i didnt wait to tell them I took the bull by the horns and tackled the realy hard shit right from the word go, and let me tell you when I fall into my chair at any given point int eh day and get lost in my pixelated farm, or treasure island I am exhausted. My Youngest is a bright, smart average boy who can make you fall apart at the seams with a giggle, My middle son is a faithful, protective intelligent gem of a child who will melt your heart, and The oldest is the Most man i have ever met in my life Tall Rugged Good looks ( i know im biased! ) and a wit to match Jay Leno! So am I failing them because they know how to make their own lunches ? Or Do their own laundry ? Or that no matter what at the end of the day their mom will be there to wipe their tears help them fight hteir battles and give them all the love they need and not just shuffle them from one activity to the next ? Or Rush around oding all the doing need done ? NOPE I dont think so!

SO Take That STUPID ARTICLE, and STUPID TEST!~

The Minds Eye

2010-01-19T09:36:00.001-07:00

     What a whirlwind this January has been already ! Its actually kept me from writing and being here and trying to achieve what i want through this, not so much from being physically busy but my mind is a float with soooo Much! An Old Friend walked back into my life, With Words of promise and apology.... a defunct friendship seems to have taken a turn down the same old road it normally does, a true friendship has gotten a little deepr, a new friendship has grown stronger, The world or 'society' has shown me some true colours and ive closed a chapter in my life.

     So you see , Been here there and everywhere in the map of my brain, had to process so much mentally, The hardest thing for me to realize is thats just small amount of things, you see those were the NEW dealings, not the typical or everyday dealings! Some of it I handled gracefully or was easy to do ... some of it was messy and ugly, and downright painful ... I feel deeply at any given moment in any given way so nothing is ever JUST EASY even the easy stuff can leave me thinking did i say or do the right thing ? Did I leave a good impression etc ... ?? The Hard stuff can flatten me emotionally and mentally and in some odd way almost wanting more , It gives my brain things to process, in dealing with others, I dont neccesarily have to face the deeper personal issues that might haunt me, or sit idle in my brain ready to pounce at a moments notice!!!

    Im Tired, emotionally, Physically, Im making mistakes i never wanted to make as a mother, wife, friend... myself .. This year was suppose to start out as learning to appreciate myself, Do things to learn and grow as a person and boy have i been put to the test... But I suppose thats all part of learning to grow .. Changing the way we deal with things and Yet im scared shitless I didnt make the right changes

The New Year!

2010-01-04T07:32:00.000-07:00

Well 2010 Is here ! Happy New year!!! Its been one heck of a year already and we are only Four days In! I cant believe the stuff going on for our family, but it wouldnt be normal if the year didnt start with a Loud BANG wake up Life is Happening!!! My Dear 37 Year old Cousin is Dying, Full on Life Support just waiting for the decision to come down from His parents of when to turn off the machines. Its hard to be here knowing he is there, saying goodbye to life. Its just circumstances that has brought him to this precipice of the end, but wow i cant believe that someone so young has to be where he is. It hardly seems fair sometimes knowing that what has gotten him there has others just carrying on... Our Bodies are so fragile, its a real wake up call to ones own self, we are fragile!

I personally have had this wake up call just recently as of last year with my Father in Law who faced the same thing but faired so much better, as he is doing quite well today! My other Uncle is facing yet again the same situation, for more or less the same reasons. Its hard to continually face our dear loved ones in the face and know sooner than later we will say goodbye. One would think it would be these situations that would shake a person to the core and smarten up in their own life, yet i havent yet changed much. I just sit and think about what they may have done wrong in their lives that i dont do, But is it really that simple ? They messed up and must now pay the price ? Or Is it quite simply a huge warning sign for everyone of Smarten up be well live right or else ? no matter what any of us do the best thing we can do for ourselves is live the best way we can and hope for the best and is the situation with my cousin ... No matter WHAT we never know when its our time. I hope he can go peacefully and isnt suffering if he has to go at all nothing short of a miracle ( which im not sure i even believe in ) can help him now!

I have also had to learn that sometimes ppl never change, Just when you think ppl who can hurt you time and time again cant anymore, They find new and interesting ways to bring it all around again! Its been about eight good years without any real issues with "these" ppl and yet on the third day of the new year I figure out .... Oh you havent changed your still the same old wolf in sheeps clothing.. What surprised me the most about it all really though is the way it can still cut like a knife. I thought I had left those thoughts, feelings and hurts all in the past, I was indestructible to their words, and actions but i found out i am not as far forward from it all as I thought. Thats the scary part for me, is how i let them have this control over me?

How do you take things awya from ppl who dont deserve you ? Without Hurthing others at the same time its a very precarious balance, one I guess I have to work hard at getting! So the new year has already brought me life lessons i must work at. I hope this New Year has found eveyrone with something to learn and build on, something to learn from. If we dont take each year and savour it and learn what it has to offer are we really being true to ourselves ? What about when its too late, will we regret what we didnt do ? Who we let hurt us, and who we didnt let in? Remember that you are only as strong as you allow yourself to be and You can always do more and be more! as Buzz lightyear quips REACH FOR THE SKY, Giggle and remember its not a bad thing to do at all!!!!!

HAPPY 2010

The Tough Choices

2009-12-29T16:06:00.000-07:00

As a parent of Three Boys one of whom is a full fledged Scary Teenager! Its hard to communicate to non teenager parents the fear that lives in my heart everyday parenting this young man. I have to make hard scary choices almost everyday, gone are the easy days of what cartoon channel to find them to watch or will this toy engage them for longer than a day. I still have those choices, htat orignally seemed tough, however thrown into the mix with a fourteen year old afoot are much harder thoughts and choices.

My children are all great int heir own respect but this is about that Den Living Oger that resides here. He is a bright enthusiastic wise beyond his ears kind of kid whom i admire everyday with his wit and knowledge almost surpassing my own knowledge. He scares the shit out of me, Everyday, not because of what he does, but because of the world he lives in Teendom .. ACK~ The Dangers and pitfalls are everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE!!! His friends have personal issues that always seem to land in my lap of knowing, This is scary in so many ways. Just recently I found something out about a couple of his friends ... They are dating, one half of that dynamic duo is not suppose to be dating, the mother a dear friend of mine.. GREAT..... I dont want to know things other parents dont. But Somehow someway i know things what does one do with that knowledge ?

Well In some Cases i might just know it, shouuld it come up maybe ill say something , Assuming its not harming the kids but as in Todays case I have no choice but to Talk to the parents and let them know WOAH there is something dangerous going on! I found out today a young child was wandering into inhalant territory and taking a friends narcotics! I cant keep that to myself it was no question that i needed to contact the parent. Never mind that those old feelings of being a tattle tale or narc still creep up inside it was the ONLY option as far as i was concerned. The mother very thankful didnt manage to shoot the messenger as is the fear sometimes of dealing with other parents. Nope She was very Thankful to have the knowledge and very concerned! Now comes the scary Part for my own kid what hell have i just thrown him into ? Half of what i found out i found out as a sleauthful Parent the other half he told me in a very concerned tone for his friend. I explained to my son i had no choice but to contact the parents and let them know. I love my son for his reply,

"Mom I know its the right thing to do and the being cool, isnt always the right thing"

*PHEW* he is listening to me sometimes! Thank goodness for taht ! Dont get me wrong hes gotten into his fair share of trouble wandered into some teenager pitfalls himself just this last July testing the drinking waters ... But the hangover he had was enough punishment! Its not the first time ive had to make the tough call on one of his friends and do the whole gotta tell someone important spiel , im sure it wont be the last but man oh man, What ever happened to telling Mrs Smith her dear little Johnny hit my kid, or wrecked something. No those days are forever gone with my oldest and slowly disappearing with my younger two, replaced with much scarier information adn choices. Any mother who made it through raising even more than one teenager without coronary disease or mental breakdown permanently etched in their medical history is A probablly non existant but a very dear soul indeed!

If you havent reached raising teenagers yet, Start storing up on the strength now put a little away each day to get you through those years. If you are doing it now , Wow We need help form you seasoned veterans who have been there done that and made it through the other side ! I look forward ( forlornly of course ) to the day i get to see the result of all this hard work, Hopefully its all going to turn out positively, and Ill have raised some great strong caring and empethatic boys, But till then good grief... the Tough Choices.

Look at Me

2009-12-29T00:45:00.001-07:00

When you look at me what do you see ?

Its a question ive often wanted to ask ppl often. What DO ppl see when they look at me, I know what they dont see. I know what they cant see, What they cant feel, What they will never feel unless they were me.

So here is a Look at me.

I open my eyes, the nights sleep is over for now, I throw my legs over the bed this should be interesting. First morning movements always bring a different journey, Will i be able to get up and out of bed like i was able to do in youthful days gone by ? Or Will it be the hobled old broken down woman who ahs taken up residence in my body ? I never Know till i take those first steps. Most Days are met with knees that gave up long ago, Muscles that never rested the night before and are raging the battle about it at the very moment i move, a new development... a knife like pain in my left outer heel I would take the time to ponder what the ?? But i dont have time, the day has begun its time to move forward, I hear the kids are awake! I hobble out of my room, down the hall , halfway through the hallway I stop to check my face, Is it Twisted in cruel anticipation of each step and what torture those will bring or has it switched gears, and ready to chirp out GOOD MORNING to the three lovely Boys who will no doubt be waiting to greet me eagerly ? Ok ... Your right the TWO lovely Boys, ( one ogerish teenager will no doubt still be fast asleep in his den! )

I start the descent down the stairs gripping the railing like im holding on for dear life, You see those knees, well they odnt like stairs especially first thing in the morning, I see them , awaiting mommys eager GOOD MORNING BOYS! they dont knwo it yet but its what brightens each morning, they will know one day just what that meant to me. Being they are older now they have already slopped some breakfast slop in their bowls and covered it with milk. Fully bellies Rounded and ready for the day they each greet me with a kiss and a hug! My middle son ever so empathetic says: " How are you today, Mom ?" I usually reply with oh you know im sore... or ok ... There is little point in lying anymore Ive tried to hide my chronic illnesses from them for years, but as ive said they are older now they know .. Besides I want them to know because where others may see a hypochondriac drug addict My Three Shining gems will see a mother who is not always infallible, who falls down, who hurts but has to pick herself up and brush herself off.

True to form I cant always be that shining Diamond im suppose to be, Does the guilt get ot me ? Absolutely almost every day as they run and play and i sit, or pick away at housework or whatever it is i do .. ( which never seems to get done ) I feel the pain that im not a good mother, I could and SHOULD be doing more!

Let me take a moment to tell you I have Fibromyalgia my first and most debilating Chronic Illness, i also suffer from Interstitial Cystitis, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Gout, Mental Illness ( dont worry there is only one person residing in me.. PHEW for that ! ) and the Fledgling issues that go along with all five! So My body is at constant war with itself. The Pain i feel is all too real but i take my medicine, i deal with the pain the best way i can and try to carry on. What ppl dont see is that every minute of every day i struggle with so much. As the day wears on my medicine no doubt helps keep me in check, able to carry on through the day the boys are a medicine all their own for me and they will never know the true power of what they have and will do for My Heart and soul.

Its time to crawl back into bed the days end is near, as sleep slowly starts to encompass me i remember the ppl i let down that day ( even if they dont know it ), The things i didnt get done, Its all well and good to say Oh somethings dont matter, But lets be honest with ourselves besides being sooo much easier said then done some of those things out and out do matter! So much can be said on what ive lost, how ppl have come to know me and treat me, enduring all that i have, trust me it will come up in a blog im more than sure, but for now I want ppl to look at me , and understand that what you see is this:

A woman who isnt quite yet a woman, Madly in love with her husband. Treasuring her kids, Loving the few true friends Wildy artistic, Wildy Creative, Endearingly Trusting and Friendly. No holds barred faith till we die friendShips ( although that last one has really been put to the test as of these laste four years! .. ahh but another blog .. I told you i had things to say! ) I am not the drug addict you may think because i choose to medicate my pain, I am not the hypochondriac you assume because im not bedridden or have some awful disease like cancer, I am a mother and a wife who has no choice but to get up and go on everyday despite what i feel. I may not do it the best way, the easiest way teh most stylish way but i do it day in and day out and Most often ( thanks to my dr and makers of certain medicines in part ) with a smile on my face! Pls when you see me ... LOOK AT ME

2009-12-28T23:39:00.001-07:00

Well yay me Ive finally Joined the wonderful world of Blogging as someone who ADORES writing, I have wanted to do this forever, Im not truly sure whats stopped me Perhaps my penchant for Typo hell and not wanting to constantly have to worry about correcting them ? or a DEEP fear of no one giving two hoots about some MOM in Canada ? Either way ive finally done it! Im here for the haul. Ive decided Grammar and punctuation be damned i have things i want to say, express etc.. and I guess if ppl like it they will read if not .. Well I still got to say what i wanted in some form of a public Forum!

You see i Often have deep philosophical Thought Processes running through my brain Intelligent conversation over intelligent matters drive me like gas does a car, and yet i often find myself with no where to express said Thoughts. Not to say there are not some wonderful ppl in my life who wouldnt care to hear them but sometimes the mood simply strikes at the oddest hours! I intend over the next few weeks for this blog to Just explode with pent up thoughts and ideas......

Another Matter at hand I suffer from Chronic Illnessess, Something I am quite simply afraid to discuss with ppl. Keep in mind I will with the most confidence ( a little too much sometimes im sure ) Announce my list of ailments and expect the person listening to wrap their arms around me and just want to hug me, But The reality is most ppl look at me like a moron with a hypochondriac complex. Something i would also love very much to share with the world, But That is far to scary to get on a deep level with ppl around me Future blogs can and will address that issue!

So Sit Down, Pull up a chair and welcome to the ramblings and thoughts of a TERRIBLE typer, An enthusiastic Mother, Loving wife, Grammatical and Puncuality challangened Woman in her early thirties with alot on her mind! Cant wait to possibly hear some VERY interesting thoughts on what i have to say!