Crouton Fist

Update: Updates!

Afraz Khan — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 11:12:07 +0000

Some guy I possibly work with (I honestly am not sure) has set a challenge to the world. I’m not really sure who this guy is, but on behalf of the human race, I accept! I realise this may be somewhat of an ambitious ambition for someone who hasn’t updated in over 2 years, but [...]

Funderground Questionnaire

Afraz Khan — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 13:22:10 +0000

Sometimes I don’t have to work, save the world, or be intimate with your mother. On those rare occasions, I get to thinking. Unfortunately I’m not very imaginative, and so what I get to thinking are things like; “I wonder what sorts of things piss people off on public transport?”. I decided that once was [...]

Government Secrets Hidden in Walls and Posters

Afraz Khan — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 17:06:25 +0000

I saw this and found it to be hilarious: It reminds me of those "Wish you were here …" postcards, if those postcards depicted the worst possible "here" ever. Only it’s real, and plastered over the territorial army building next to Putney Bridge tube. A realness bought home to me by Captain Mainwaring during my [...]

Mutant Powers for All

Afraz Khan — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 14:20:06 +0000

Today scientists unleashed another horror unto the world; X-Men style regenerative powers via genetic manipulation. So I’ve decided to conduct my own experiment with probable unwanted effects too; prolonged sleep deprivation + keyboard + internet – reading the full article because it’s boring = this post Let’s see where it takes us. Well done science, [...]

Persian Festival OF FIRE AND PAGANISM!

Afraz Khan — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 01:54:47 +0000

Tomorrow night I’ll be celebrating what I’ve dubbed the Persian pagan FIRE FESTIVAL OF DEATH (and rebirth)! It’s called Chaharshanbe Suri, and literally translates to "Wednesday Party", but really, that’s a lame name for a celebration whose central theme involves jumping over goddamn fire. The Wikipedia page explains that aside from trying not to BBQ [...]

5 Reasons Avatar Kicks Your Old Best Experience In the Head and Farts In Its Eyes

Afraz Khan — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 16:51:15 +0000

Atlantis, if something I’m about to make up is to be believed (hint: it is), was the land of an ancient civilisation of super-beings from space, who governed the Earth fairly by showing preference for humans who could fly. No humans could fly, so it was a time of great suffering for humanity. Before sinking [...]

5 Ways You Can Tell Hollywood Has Given Up

Afraz Khan — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 22:25:40 +0000

5. Remakes of Remakes … of Remakes Treasure Island is like Hollywood’s whore, we get that. It’s okay to “re-imagine” this every so often, and pass it around like a crying Philapino maid, we’re cool with that, apparently. But remaking a remake just five years after the remake, and pretending said remake never happened, that [...]

New Management

Afraz Khan — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:41:56 +0000

Since we're not allowed to carry liquids onto planes, take pictures of our law enforcement, or not be randomly tasered, I'm guessing the terrorists won, you know, on account of all the terror everywhere.

The Answer

Afraz Khan — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 14:39:24 +0000

In your late 20′s / early 30′s? Don’t know what to do with your life, but know that it’s not whatever you’re doing right now? Why not go back into education?! Please excuse the addition of an exclamation mark directly following the question mark, but punctuation be damned, this is your life man, and if [...]

Digital Fortress — A Review

Afraz Khan — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 09:32:53 +0000

I love Dan Brown books. I love them for the same reason people love Eastenders; I love them because I’m mostly an idiot. Admittedly I’ve only read two and a half, but this is the Internet, so that makes me a professor of Brownonian studies (with offices next to the enormous scatology department, due to [...]