This is why they all get away with so much…sigh

Tara LOVES the water.  When I figure out how to get video from my camera onto here, you will see her kicking away…working it!

Adam and Caity may drive me batshit crazy on a daily basis..but they sure make great siblings.  They LOVE their baby sister…they have eased into older siblinghood really well.

This is daddy crunch realizing how sore your arms get holding a baby who wants to be UPRIGHT for hours on end!

And check out my so shy (HAH) girl in her REDFISH Kids outfit.   She loves the stuff we bought…Must get more!  You should have seen her at school.  She KNEW she was cool!

Tomorrow HOPEFULLY we will have NORMAL school for the kids.  HOPEFULLY Adam will have class and teacher.  HOPEFULLY Caity will have the same class and teachers.   I will be ranting about the school situation over at Canada Moms Blog tomorrow (Monday).

Tomorrow also mom comes back from her little trip to Pender Island this weekend.  While away she asked Adam to feed her cat and water her plants.  I have to report for a totally irresponsible seven year old, he has done really well.

I won’t talk about my shitty weekend.

I have had a lousy cold and my guts have been all roily too.   I then managed to totally fuck up my one chance of fun this weekend and FORGET MY WALLET when heading down to meet Erica Ehm and other YUMMY MUMMY’S for dinner Saturday night.

Being that it was at Granville Island and being that the FRINGE was on, the only parking I found was pay and only took credit cards…which is great when you don’t have your FUCKING wallet.

When I drove home in a total state only to find a pissed dad, whining baby and sulking in trouble kids…I just felt totally defeated.

But tomorrow is a new day right?  If I can survive a whole week of mommyhood with three kids and all the school and food and baby stuff involved… I will be happy and relieved.

Onward and upward.

Bring on the wine.

My son seems to be casual to the point of ambivalence over starting Grade two.  I think he has a few anxieties that he is not yet ready to share, and that is okay.  He knows I am here for him if he needs me.

My daughter starts Kindergarten and is really really excited and anxious at the same time.

I think she will do just fine.  Confidence is something she MOSTLY has in spades.  The bigger issue for her will be learning to work WITH others instead of being the dominant personality.

She will run that classroom.

I have been offered some ‘help’ in my back to school preparations by Brother Canada who have sent me their P-Touch label maker.  So far it seems to be FUN!  I will do a more in depth review soon.

I haz LOTS of things to label!

Yesterday mom watched the older kids while Mr. Crunch and I took Tara with us to the mall.  Tara rocked her Redfish Kids onesie that I picked up at Raspberry Kids ‘Back to School’ night that she put together a couple of weeks ago.   I can’t wait to show you Caity in the gorgeous dresses we picked up too, and Adam looking very ‘Emo’ in his long sleeved T.

Seriously, we couldn’t get through the mall without people stopping to coo.  Very flattering for our uber cutie pie!  I hope it doesn’t all go to her head.

Lord we spend too much money on kids stuff.

Mr. Crunch got stuff for himself.  Me…nadda.

Sooo looking forward to school, and perversely for darker nights and yuckier weather.  For me it will mean less time out patrolling the complex being the local snark.  Twice by two different girls,  Adam was told that his mom is ‘mean.’

I happily accept this moniker.  ’specially from THOSE girls.

Older, bossy and destructive creatures that they are.   Hopefully my reputation will spread to the school and the potential bullies and previous bullies will back off and leave my kids alone.

I don’t think Caity will have a problem with bullying..but Adam has had some issues and the momma bear in me is ready to roar again.

This summer was stressful enough.  The hurts, the angers, the misunderstandings…and us moms have to figure out on the spot which incidents require parental interference or for us to bite our tongues and let them figure it out all alone.

Watching my kids ‘out there’ wrenches my heart some days.  I really really wish I could just hug em and hang on to them forever.

Keep them to myself.

Not just for the ‘bad’ influences..Okay yes, I really don’t want my kids hanging out with kids who think climbing into the recycling bins is a good idea…is that wrong of me!!??

Thanks to THAT incident a small majority of the kids in the neighbourhood think I am an interfering mad woman.

Which is really sort of true.

Crunchy Husband and I were in giggles listening through an open window to my kids talk to the kids who think I am mean…bizarrely my kids didn’t agree with that and stood up for me.

GASP!

Heh.

$5 bucks for wack-a-mole is a sure sign of the times.

Yes, we ventured out with the entire family to the PNE on Monday.  If my Mom hadn’t redeemed some Air Miles for ride and entrance passes, we would have easily blown $200 without buying food or any ‘fun’ fair stuff.

Ouch.

You can see Tara got her moneys worth!

I don’t know if we did.  But we are cynical bastards anyway.

The kids love Playland but really only do the kiddie rides.  We REFUSE to do any of the games for crappy prizes..not at $5 bucks a shot.

They have a section at the PNE with bouncy castles and bungee stuff for kids but that isn’t included in the ride passes.   So we did not do that either.

The kids don’t wanna walk through any of the buildings with ’stuff’ for sale either.

Nor did they seem excited about any of the shows…even the Quad riders didn’t excite Adam.

The Superdogs was it.

So really..it is Playland, the animals and food.  That is it.  For $200.

The PNE is 99 years old.  And it looks it.

Yes, I was impressed by the concert line up this year.  And yes, they did have lots of stuff..just stuff that really wouldn’t interest my kids…or husband for that matter.

But hellooo Playland..if you are going to charge me $5 for ONE shot at wack-a-mole, could you please spend some of the money you are making on upgrading the place a wee bit.

Playland looks exactly the same as it did 20 odd years ago.  The rides all appear to be the same too.

I sort of resent spending the same amount of money at a run down fun fair and so so Exhibition that I would have at say Disneyland!

But it is TRADITION here in Vancouver..so we all seem to do it.  We went as kids, as teens and now as parents.

I just don’t get how anyone can actually afford to go there.

Both CTV News and Global were in attendance and have extoled the virtues of the PNE since it started on August 22nd.  Not once did anyone mention how pricey it is getting for the average family to attend.  In a recession.

The kids do claim to have had a good time though.

And being on a Monday, the lineups weren’t too huge, the bathrooms were clean, and despite the prices…Sea Lovers and Hunky Bills was tasty as always.

Heh.

So yeah..I haven’t had a chance to REALLY focus on the BC Liberals latest Throne Speech, or appalling deficit, the INSANE HST or this….but thank goodness for Twitter right?

According to the CBC online, the BC Lib’s have decided that Kindergarten in 2010 will be full time.

I am sure the teachers are THRILLED to hear this.

My hatred of the BC Liberals tells me that they have done this to win back votes over the HST bull twaddle.

It also means they don’t have to look into providing what is really needed in BC – affordable daycare, both full and part time for people.

People who will HAVE to work a lot more due to all the extra taxes they are paying.

Yes..so really, the government is looking at kindergarten teachers as FREE daycare.

Not good.

But….

For someone who grew up with full time school for 5 year olds…I don’t see why it ever went part time in the first place.

Especially in a world where – thanks to things like the necessity of two income families, single parents and so on –  kids are already accustomed to daycare and preschool schedules and play and so on.

From what I have seen, there isn’t much difference between preschool and kindergarten.  Lots of play, lots of ABC’s, all done with play, arts and crafts, while teaching structure, social skills and so on.

This is not CRUEL.

This is school.

This is a good chunk of their early life.

I keep reading about how terrible this is for the kids?  Since when?  Since we as a society have been overwhelmed with guilt over how we raise our kids?

Do we in our helicoptering/attachment/over-informed ways really see that we are parenting better now than before….I really really don’t think so.

Five is young..but not too young for school.

My son and daughter went to a preschool that went over the lunch hour and we didn’t pick them up until 1:30.

They both loved it.

They loved the social interaction, the teachers, the structure….and therefore had no problem adjusting to their school schedule.  In fact with the SLOW and so-called easy integration they do, with an hour here and there for the first week or so….the actual days the kids are learning anything is sadly shortened and probably set the kids back with boredom and impatience.

I have read many comments about how kids need to be home with their parents for as long as possible and to be able to play.

And in a dream world…this is  true.   But today’s society and the conditions many families struggle to exist in, this idea is just a pipe dream.

I won’t get into the people who just happen to LOVE their work.   Nothing wrong with that either.

For many people today, having any parent at home full time is just not an option.

I stay home.  Mainly because I LOVE it and also mainly because financially so far it has worked for us…but WITH many sacrifices..like home ownership, etc.

Also the cost of daycare is INSANE.

Hence why the Liberal Government has gone the cheap and easy way and instead of helping with more affordable daycare for ALL ages in BC, has put forward this idea for full time kindergarten.

Which I am sure for some will be a help.  Our school only offers after school care from 3 pm on and NOT for kindergarteners.

This means I rarely meet the actual parents of the kids in the classes, instead it is the grandparents or other care givers who have been called in for the pickups and drop off’s.

While after a long and brutal summer of feral children, I am EXTREMELY excited about the return of school, the thought of my days now filled with two pickups instead of one pisses me off.

My days are basically shot and have to be scheduled between school starting and finishing at 11:20 for my daughter and 3 for my son.

All done with a baby!  FUN.

So while it is merely an inconvenience to me, my heart goes out to those parents who are left scrambling for child care…GOOD child care that doesn’t bankrupt them either.

Honestly, I don’t know why there isn’t MORE outrage here in British Columbia about the Liberals.  We are waaaay to placid in accepting the abuse being rained down on us with extra taxes, cutbacks in essential services, the Olympic travesty, and so on and so on.  The list is endless..yet all we do is grumble.

Instead we should be screaming bloody murder and demanding answers and changes from our MLA’s.

Something.

While I get the governments efforts at keeping what pathetic business and industry we do have in the province, tax increases for the consumers means less money to consume…means less people in the province willing to spend money on said businesses.

The cut backs in health care also means less people ABLE to spend money.  And more money needed to spend on those in need.

We have to focus more on the people in need in this province.

Low income and seniors are being crushed by this government.

However, a pathetic petition by the NDP to sign ain’t going to do anything.

It would be nice if our opposition party could actually OPPOSE something.

Please, share your thoughts on all this….would love to hear it all!

Sometimes this family appears to be cursed..or at least have a big black cloud hanging over it.

We are not a lucky lot, that is for sure.

We have all faced many battles, worries, deaths etc.

It is pissing us off.

Having Patrick around to help with Tara and the other feral kids has been a godsend this summer.

However, the fact that it was due to him being unemployed has cast a BIG shadow over the whole summer for us.

Not much we can do about it though.

If the both of us hadn’t had my MOM to come and help out, we would have totally lost our minds.

If Tara had been our first….holy cats…I mean, I remember being a hormonal weepy sleep deprived freak with Adam…and Patrick wasn’t much better.

Dealing with her NOW and not doing the ‘WHAT ARE WE DOING WRONG WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER’ dance all the time is the only thing saving us from losing our minds.

We know there is NOTHING we can do about the crying.  We realize that for her ‘neutral’ is crying.

There is jack shit we can do about it, cept turn up the tv and learn to shout over it.

However….our brains are aching from the constant barrage.

The whole family is like this.

The kids….OH MY GOD…I cannot wait till school starts, despite the hassles THAT entails.  THEY NEED TO BE IN SCHOOL RIGHT NOW.

It is very hard to focus on what your kids are saying over the wailing of a baby.

Their patience has been pushed too.

In turn they push us.

Over and Over and Over.

There has been WAY too much yelling in this house.

We are all worn out with it all.

Oh and Tara doesn’t sleep either.

She will (if lucky) give us about 4 hours at night.   Then we can hopefully push her till dawn in hour to two hour bursts.

During the day…the will not nap.  She prefers to snooze for MAYBE 15 minutes at a shot.  Then cry again.

We have brief happy moments from her where we remember why we had her.

Thank goodness she is cute.

This is her in the family Christening Robe.  Nobody IS actually baptized in this family, as there is no church out here that we would join…different from our homeland, Scotland, where we were ALL Christened.  Go Church of Scotland!!!

But we LOVE the robes and love that they are around 100 years old now.

HOWEVER…we love her.

However…Patrick and I are reminded again that during tough times, we make an EXCELLENT team.

However…We are grateful for what we have.

However…We fiercely love our kids and love our family.

Now I must go take more Tylenol and buy some ear plugs

I will not get maudling or freaked about being 40…it is just a number.    It is just a day.

I am more boggled that I am 40.  I remember being 20 and having NO concept of what 40 would be like..or what I would be like at 40.

It sounded VERY grown up.  Very adult.   40 year olds had jobs and houses and careers and did adult things.

Well, apart from birthing three kids..I don’t think I have accomplished ANY of those things.  Or feel terribly adult either.

Maybe the new 40 year olds are different from the older crop of them.

I am not one for making fusses about birthdays…I tend to usually look at them as an excuse to gather friends together for some laughs, etc.

As a kid, birthdays were family affairs…I lived far from school and adding that to a summer birthday meant not too many parties.

Since having kids, I have tended to focus on their birthdays and what THEY want to do for the special adults in their lives…usuall crafts and homemade cards and we haven’t bothered much with parties etc.   And the kids tend to forget that their parents HAVE birthdays.

Our house isn’t really made for entertaining these days either.

I am hitting 40 just after Tara turns one month old.

I am totally bagged out from lack of sleep and feel flabby and schleppy to boot.  Not really party material.

My mom did want to do a sort of party at her place, but she has been helping here and doing all her stuff too and frankly August is a busy month for us…there are TOO many August birthdays.

I told her not to worry about it and that we can put something together at another date maybe.

I remember mom turning 40.

I remember helping her friends through a surprise party for her.  She was feeling QUITE sorry for herself that NOBODY appeared to be doing anything for this milestone birthday.

I have to admit….I understand.   I wonder if she felt like I do.  That she wasn’t LIKE a 40 year old..or was she?Am I?

Who knows.

I have to admit, am feeling slightly sorry and sad that a wee fuss isn’t being made for me.

Just a teensy bit.

But I keep burying it.   August isn’t a good month for Crunchy Husband.

On top of the birthdays, his mom died this month – two years ago next week.

He doesn’t feel like planning fun birthdays….not with us watching our money too, and I totally get that.

But teeny tiny part of me feels quite sad about it all too.  But I did have a baby RIGHT in the middle of it all..whose fault is that huh???

Despite all the craziness and that I am in no way prepared for entertaining or organizing or whatever – the nugget of feeling sorry for myself is there.

I think it is the whole concept of having a fuss made over you when you did nothing.

Despite the fuss we are already getting for having our newest addition.

SO when I turn 40…I will be with my family…my newly BIGGER family…..enjoying the love, and hopefully some cake.

But will also raise a glass in memory of the parties that used to be……you know the ones.

I miss house parties…a unfettered youth.

And please…please don’t feel sorry for me..really…I was just thinking today…while holding Tara and getting hugs from my OTHER daughter…how, despite all the crap going on in our lives and despite not being where we HOPED we would be in life, yadda yadda….I am happy.  I am happy having a family…even when they drive me nuts.

I love that I am a mom…it still boggles me.

I think yesterday…I really think we hit a new level of absolutely no dignity….really.

From my lovely GP.  A mild Scottish Doctor…who has chatted to me about life, death, cars, hemmoroids, et al….

I had asked him to take a look at my c-section incision..it was a bit red and tender and I just wanted to make sure it was okay.  My midwife had already said to slather polysporin on it..and I was..but you know.

He reminded me to make sure I was ‘airing’ it…and to “HELP” air it…to take some medical tape and er..em…HOIST up my ….er..em…folds to aid in this.

Basically…haul up my GUNT.  (Gunt is a term coined to describe those HUMUNGOUS folds of belly flesh on some er heavier people that hang waaaayyy down.  Gut + that nasty C word.  Yeah)

You know…

I have a lingerie drawer FILLED with gorgeous stuff.  Stuff that hopefully one day will fit me again.

Now while I ain’t the most hot to trott babe in town….my husband has worked tirelessy over the years to convince me I am hot stuff and bless him..but really.

I think we have totally crossed the line here.

Really.   I will never shake this image from my head and nor…probably will my poor husband.

there are no words

Monday, July 13 passed by with me feeling kind of sick and icky and dealing with REALLY bizarre cashiers at Price Smart Foods who clearly did not understand that interrogation is not the same as friendly banter with customers.  No, I don’t want to tell you the exact current location of my current children or their school or if they like it.  Nor do I want to tell you the names I have picked out for this child…believe it or not…your opinion will not count in this matter thank you very much.

Anyway, I went to bed with the kids and woke up around ten.  Had a drink and chatted with Patrick about sticking with a scheduled c-section on Thursday if nothing was happening and to just worry about getting the baby out safe and not worry about anything else..etc.

Said good night to him and lay down to read for a bit….

I kid you not….as the clock switched from 11:59 on July 13th to 12 am July 14th….as I lay on my side reading….my water broke.

All over the bed.   And it kept coming!`

I burst out laughing and started yelling for towels which then woke the kids up who couldn’t understand why their mom was standing clutching towels to her nether regions and yelling about the mattress at the same time.

So we called the midwife who had to decide WHERE we should be going and woke up mom too.

We had to go to the hospital that had a doctor on shift who was willing to at least try a breech delivery IF as the other doctors had said..that delivery went quickly and smoothly.

For the most part, I think mom and the kids had a worse time than we did.

Pat and I were calm and collected and aware of the decisions and issues at stake…we were also just relieved to have SOMETHING happening.

Mom and the kids were freaking out.  Mom was terrified for me and the baby.  Adam was anxious and feeding of my moms anxiety and so NONE of them could sleep.   They were up till around 6  am just freaking out….none of our progress calls were reassuring to mom.

My contractions started in the car down to BC Women’s Hospital…..I managed to survive the check in without massive pain and got through settling into being ‘assessed’ without them going crazy.

Unlike the poor first timer who came in with her mom right after me….ooooh she was in rough shape.

The contractions started to slowly build up though….and they got me into a labour suite asap.

The contractions sucked..they weren’t long but totally in my back, but was already at 5cm so I figured whoot..I can do this…..

hmmm not so much.

The focus of them right in my lower back was really getting to me.

The doc had also said that I ‘could’ have an epidural as if they had to move fast suddenly, at  least they would be ready…this stuck in my head.

They were also still only looking at a breech vaginal delivery if things kept hurrying along.

Well they didn’t.

And they really didn’t with the epidural..which I enjoyed….but I do think it slowed things up.

While the contractions were still fierce , our little breech bundle had basically crawled back up to my breast bone and was not moving anywhere NEAR my birth canal.

Being that the one Ob/Gyn who was comfortable doing breech delivery was going off shift in like an hour, I was out of options.

Aaaand being that I was feeling calm, new the baby was doing well….I just wanted her out and safe…said yes to going to going for a cesarean section.

That phone call sent mom into more of a panic.

So the new doc on call showed up with me as no. 1 on his schedule.

This was about 8 am.

She was delivered at 9:12 am.

C-Sections are weird.

Being completely numb is totally weird.

I was mentally MOSTLY calm.  But it IS an OR and they are doing strange things to your body and you have NO control over any of it.

They made Patrick wait outside while the prepped for a long time and I am sure that was horrid.

He was much better and for me when they let him in to keep me calm as I was starting to shake from nerves….well the very top of me was.

I didn’t care the moment I heard my baby cry though.

And seeing her there healthy and vibrant was enough for me while they did to me what they had to do.

She was 9 lbs and 7 oz., and 21 inches long.  Probably a good thing that I didn’t deliver her the ‘old fashioned way.’

Though I think poor Grace, our midwife who has delivered breech babies before was probably a tad disappointed, but she never showed it and was an awesome pillar of support for us.

Having her there made such a HUGE difference in our fear factor and worry level.

Thanks Grace.

My poor mom and kids.

Had been pretty much awake all night.

Came down to the hospital ony to be told that they couldn’t see me till I was out of recovery….and they wouldn’t let me out of recovery right away since I was bleeding a bit more than they liked.

So they saw daddy, but had to go home…I don’t think they were too happy

They did finally get to meet the new addition to the House of Crunch ( to be named shortly – don’t ask) and it was an emotional meeting…..between nerves and lack of sleep and missing mommy…pheeyuuuuu.

She is almost a week old already.  It has taken me THAT long to write a post.   I am anemic apparently and while  the pain hasn’t been horrid, it sure takes it out of you.  Feel weak and stiff.  Combine that with trying really hard to produce enough breast milk for my large and voracious feeder…..I have been a wee bitty tired.

And lets not forget my other poor children.  Who are feeling all mixed up and a tad left out and bitty rebellious…in the heat we are having…it has made things quite the roller coaster ride since we got home.

However….my wee boy is still madly in love with his little sister.  He can’t get enough of her.    Caity too…they love to watch her and talk to her and take turns holding her.

I would like to not look and feel still pregnant…but get that I just need to be patient and take care of myself and move slowly.

Patrick has been my pillar.  He is there for me and the baby when I need it…not matter what time it is or what is going on.

He has walked her to sleep, rocked her to sleep, and learned the intricacies of 24 Hour Shoppers Drug Mart and breast pumps, bottles and formula,  all on little sleep.

Mom has been our rock…she comes over and helps with the kids, holds babies when needed, washes dishes and did all the amniotic laundry….and there was a lot!!!

I really don’t know what I would have done without her…and neither does Patrick….thanks mom.

And thanks to all my well wishers.

And thanks MaryAnne for the yummy fruit…it was MEGA welcome and needed.  And the hugs and love too.

Right now I am just in love my with my new cutey pie and trying to feel my way through the feeding and no sleeping thing.

We will figure out what works for us and be happy with it….My milk has come in, and I can pump which is great and she does okay switching between boob and bottle in between massive wigouts…but massive wigouts and being eating machines runs in our family and the first two turned out alright.

Callie the dog is fine with the new addition, but so neglected.  Mind you..we wouldn’t be out with her much in the heat anyway..night walks is it for her.

All the cats just come and stare at me like ‘why?????’

I am still in awe that the baby arrived on her due date….and that my water REALLY broke and broke right on midnight.

That is a lot of fluid my friends..a lot.  Eeeech.

So….I have a feeling that posting may be a tad sporadic while we get into the groove here.

But the internets is still my life line while I figure out the fantastical concept of leaving the house with a baby and clothes that don’t make me look like the swollen ankled bag lady I resemble…I will be here when I can.

I am not good at making NEW friends either.

However….I do consider all the people I have either met in real life or just maintain a cyber connection with to be real friends.

I do not differentiate between IRL and Cyber….the women I have met through blogging, forums etc have all been amazing.

The support I have either experienced myself or witnessed on the internet has blown me away.

I say thank you all….again….

Thank you Clara for taking time out of your morning to bring me diapers and baby supplies….I mean wow.

Thank you Maryann for doing the same thing…..wow.

Thank you Gwen…….

The list goes on.

Thank you to my neighbours too for YOUR contribution to the baby supplies.

The amount of STUFF we now have GIVEN is amazing….I am in awe and humbled.

Thank you all….my friends.

Thank you all for putting up with my moaning and groaning.

We tend to share TOO much sometimes on the interwebz..I am bad for that…..not good at ’self editing’.

I tend to forget just how much of me is out there.

But it is worth it.

My childhood friend from Scotland called me to make sympathetic noises to me because of the stuff on Facebook.

My family in the UK are all there for me and I for them…because of things like Facebook.

I feel like my  best buddy in DC is near enough to me for quick chats and laughs because of things like Facebook.

Now I need a bigger house for all this baby stuff.

Oh and screws that fit our crib?  Anyone good at stuff like that????

Oh and do have minor contractions right now….please keep fingers crossed that they do something more soon!!!!

THANKS!