LAZARUS LONG, a character of scifi maestro Robert A. Heinlein, once remarked that masturbation is great, except for one problem — it’s lonely. Mr. Long, despite his prodigious age, had obviously never experienced the pleasures of masturbating together, or he would not have said that. Derided as the most isolating form of sex, sharing masturbation is a pleasure garden where we can pull back the veils of shame and guilt and reveal ourselves as we truly are.

Masturbation as a form of communication? Exactly.

In my long quest to discover why masturbation is still taboo, I’ve observed that this mostly involves its fantasy content. No matter what bonds another seeks to impose on you, no matter what social contract you have volunteered or fallen for, your mind is free to exceed your boundaries. No matter how inappropriate it is to think about your boss, your brother or your student, eventually you get your moment alone. And in that moment, you are free, propelled by the psychological and emotional momentum of imminent orgasm.

The most hateful 18th century tracts warning about “self-pollution” declared that it corrupted the mind as well as the body. The most supposedly monogamous people will tell you that fantasy about anyone or anything during masturbation is fair game. If you consider that in masturbation, the most important aspect of who we are — your mind — is free, it becomes obvious why just every anti-sex campaign includes, begins with or is focused on the supposed evils of masturbation.

I propose we take the clue, and let masturbation guide us to freedom from secrecy, pretense and denial. Personally, I view masturbation as an essential ingredient of any erotic relationship. It’s a bellwether of how comfortable we are with ourselves, and how open we feel being with a potential partner. It’s a fine way to test the waters of eroticism with a new person, to peer into their experience and finally to assess their hang-ups (these things, we need to do more of before getting fully involved).

Sharing masturbation (self-given sex, not exchanging hand-jobs) is an excellent substitute for a one-night stand, with no risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. If we give up something by not fucking or going down on one another, we make up quite a bit of that with the elimination of these genuine physical risks. Not bad, given how many people describe sharing masturbation as the hottest sex they’ve ever had. What we may lose in certain kinds of physical pleasure we more than compensate for in expanded emotional vulnerability.

And then there is experimenting with a sense of individuality that is so often lost in partnersex and the relationships where it happens.

For most people, this is going to be the place they stop short. Sharing masturbation is more intimate than sex. The experience reveals more about us. We have little choice but to be authentic, honest and (because this experience involves the negotiation of boundaries) sober enough to talk about what we want. This is perhaps the most interesting thing about it: with partnersex, you can just fuck and not say a word. Some would say that is the fun. But partnersex almost always includes dishonesty. The necessary conversations almost never happen.

Masturbating together opens up a realm of intimacy with many possibilities for pleasure, growth and emotional healing, especially within the context of one-to-one relationships. Instead of diving into another person and losing yourself in them, you pull back, exist as an individual, and can potentially find yourself in the presence of another.

Here is a game that anyone can play, but it’s designed for one-on-one couples. First, you agree to amnesty. That is, you agree verbally and emotionally not to use anything the other person says against them.

Then, one partner masturbates out loud, stating their fantasies, including names and specifics, while the other listens and encourages their partner’s truth. The idea is to connect with your partner’s holistic sexuality, not just the little part of it that you usually see; and to do the same for them: to reveal your entire erotic identity, not merely the slice you reserve for them.

This is likely to get you pretty hot, and the hotter you get, the more truthful you can be…the more you can say that might have embarrassed you otherwise…the more you can go toward shame and embarrassment and burn it like erotic fuel. Show your partner the porn or erotica you get off to. Get out your sex toys. Reveal the secret silk scarf of your old girlfriend’s panties. Go for it.

What do you do with the truths that come out? One radical thing you can do is experiment with is enjoying your partner knowing exactly what they feel, what they want and who they are. If both partners are honest, this will work in both directions, and you’ll get to find out how erotic the truth really is.

eric francis

Lips

Many people across the world are celebrating the holiday season. No matter your religious affiliation, this is the time of year for some sort of celebration. If you are far from friends and family or prefer to live in solitude, you can still give yourself something extra special this year. Light some candles, cook or order out a sensual meal, then love yourself as completely as only you can. 
 
Open your heart to yourself, stand in front of a mirror and strip, slowly. Caress your cheek, then your neck. Slowly massage down your body, willing the warmth and heart to enter your skin from your fingertips. Did you remember to break out the scented massage oil? If not, you can use baby oil or even olive oil. Before you use it, warm it to just above body temperature. Roll your fingers lightly over your skin, caressing away all of the tension that the holiday stress has caused in your body.  Do not begin to masturbate straight away. Even if you find your hands tracing their way to your pussy or cock, just give yourself a little teasing brush.
 
Work your way to your feet, gently massing your legs. Once you reach your toes, begin to massage your way back up. Work your inner thighs, and begin to caress your pussy or cock slowly. Instead of using a light touch, this time put some pressure into your actions. Slow and deliberate, that is what you are going for. Your orgasm will take a while to reach, but once it comes, it will blow your mind; for an extra special orgasm, stop right before you are about to peak. Start again once the waves of your orgasm ebb away. If you do this several times, when you finally cum, it will be one of the most mind-numbing orgasms ever.  Unwrap yourself tonight, then cum tell me all about it.

Loving you,

Beth

I want to talk about masturbation while you are going through those seven days (more or less) of bleeding. Maybe you have already tried it, maybe not. Perhaps you have heard that it will make your period longer to get down with yourself however those myths surrounding periods, sex, and masturbation simply aren’t true. While you are more open to a possible infection, with proper hygiene you have nothing to worry about.

You might find yourself more turned on during the first few days of your cycle. This is totally normal; you are not weird at all. If you have been touching yourself and getting off, you are still not weird. In fact, you might just be helping your uterus shed it’s lining, resulting in a slightly shorter period. Just a little extra benefit from masturbating on the rag, huh? The contractions from your orgasm help remove all of the blood. So, work it, baby, make those O’s into a really Big O. It can only help you.

If you are worried about making a mess, which is something I have heard quite often from people when they talk about touching themselves on their period, then get a towel and place it under your hips. You can also try it in the shower; all traces will be washed away. If you have a shower massage, so much the better. Just do not aim the water into your vagina. Be sure to only use the water jets on your clit.

Insertion of your sex toys on your period is fine. Make sure they are clean; wash them before and after use. That is what you should be doing anyway to keep your body in good health. If you are very sensitive when you are bleeding, just do not insert the toy as deep as you normally might. Most of the nerves in a woman’s vagina are concentrated near the opening, so you will possibly find a new way to get off.

Your period doesn’t mean you need to neglect your needs. An orgasm will not only be a nice way to relieve stress as usual, but it can help get rid of cramps, shorten the period, and strengthen your uterus muscles. Just three more great things about masturbation.

I sat on the edge of the bed. He advanced toward me, but I stopped him as he drew close and pushed him away. I could see the confusion flash in his eyes, then I laid back and spread my legs wide. The confusion was replaced with and intent look of concentration. He could not draw his eyes away from my pussy, open and inviting as it was.

This was what I had been waiting for. Slowly my fingertips traced their way down my chest. I teased my nipples, concentric rings around them, halting for a moment to squeeze. Soon they stood at attention, hard and tight, ready to be sucked. That would have to wait, I had other things to do right now.

I began brushing my fingers down, then back up my body. Almost, but not quite reaching my newly shaved mound. The air in the room was slightly cool, an oh so sexy sensation against my moist, hot slit. When I finally began sliding my finger through my spread open pussy, they were as cool as the room. I shuddered, nearly forgetting the show I was to put on.

I started flicking my clit alternating with dipping my finger into my already wet hole. I needed my clit to be slick, wanted my hands to slide over my pussy like they had been covered with oil. I watched him as he sat watching me, his eyes still locked on what I was doing. It was easy to see how turned on he was, his cock was straining at his jeans. He looked up when I inhaled sharply, his face flushed and his eyes bright with lust.

I just smiled and rubbed my clit faster, then pushed two fingers deep into me from my other hand while I lifted my hips so he could get a better view. I was so horny, knowing he was watching had me more turned on than I had been when touching myself all alone. My hips moved faster, then I felt him grip my hands and bury his face in my wet pussy. He sucked on my clit until I was about to scream. He stooped short, pulled his head back then began to fuck my dripped wet hole with his tongue. The sensations were amazing.

Once more, he stopped, just for a moment and said “I want you to play with your pussy while I tongue fuck you.” It was so hot, looking down into his eyes while he pushed his tongue into me again and I rubbed my clit hard and fast. He wrapped his arms around my thighs and held me down when I started bucking and crying out. I came so fucking hard that I nearly fell to sleep right after I came, the whole world went on hiatus for a few minutes.

I hadn’t come fully back to the planet when he turned me over and pushed his rock hard cock into my still convulsing pussy. He bent over and whispered into my ear. “That was amazing, you should do it more often.”

Hell, I know I will. Masturbating in front of your lover, one awesome experience.

Typing Towards Bliss

As many times as I have sat at my computer, enjoying the beautiful images in front of me, it never occurred to me that perhaps I was missing the point. You are probably wondering what point I mean. What images? Has Beth lost her mind here?

Perhaps these meetings are over in seconds, some never acknowledged at all. But every once in a while you meet an online lover. The thrill of the moment, intense rush of sensations, and then an orgasm from the forbidden, nearly taboo mental connection of two souls.

At one time I felt guilty about masturbating while talking to another person over the computer. Sometimes he knew what I was doing and other times, it was for my own satisfaction of seeing just how much control it would take to keep my voice steady if we were talking over one of the instant messenger voice programs. I would step away from such an encounter feeling a little dirty and ashamed of myself for having let myself become so sexually excited. I could never figure out why. This would often happen after solo sessions of pleasuring myself, as well. Finding myself feeling as if I had done something wrong by letting my mind run wild.

The internet opens up many opportunities to masturbate to fantasies. Pre-fabricated fantasies in the form of porn sites or the sharing of someone else’s ideas. You do not need to reveal your true sex which allows you to explore more of your sexuality. I have went into lesbian chat rooms, bi sexual chat rooms, and once a gay male chat just to try out what it was like to be each. It is only through the internet that many will open themselves to what they truly are, not gay, straight, or bisexual, but sexual. The online world is like the Greeks of history, open to everything, freedom for all.

As open as I am to online fantasy life, I feel there is a time to step away from the computer and pleasure myself in my own fashion. I do not need the ideas or direction of someone else to tell me how to reach release. Instead of loading a web page or an instant messenger, I look into a mirror. In front of me stands the most beautiful and perfect being to love me. Every touch, every caress, every breath is an proclamation of that love. Spend time loving myself, learning to accept that foreplay does not mean that I always need a partner, release can be as teasingly pulled from this body by my own hands, than those of another.

Spend time with your own yearnings, learn how to make love to yourself without the aid of virtual stimulation. Your reflection will thank you.

World Orgasm For Peace. Photo Credit: Eric Francis.

SOMETIMES, WHEN we least expect it, an idea emerges on the Internet that it would help the planet for as many people as possible to orgasm at the same time.

There was Global Orgasm Day last year, for example. And today has been designated as World Orgasm For Peace Day.

We may never find them, but this seemed like the perfect thing to mention to all of you out there.

This is a simple, fun idea and to me, seems like it can only be helpful. We at CumOut.org want to encourage everyone to stop making excuses to have orgasms, sex, or to masturbate without guilt. That being said…

Enjoy yourself today. Have an orgasm and channel all of the energy into thinking about world peace. Send out your very best in projected thought, blanket the world with the love, the very deepest love you can only have inside of you for you. Step away from your computer and run a warm bath, light some candles, and touch yourself with the reverent worship that you deserve.

Peace begins with acceptance. Acceptance of you and the pleasure that
only you can give yourself is the very best beginning of all.

Finally, I started to come back to myself, my breathing returned to normal. The world slowly returned. I opened my eyes, then stood to straighten the edclothes before I left. He would be back tonight, if I so willed. He was never very far away. Only as far as my imagination.