Cupid's Chatter

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 19:53:00 +0000

Lately, I've been doing a pretty good job of writing my fiction novel according to a schedule--not waiting until the "mood" or the "writing magic" strikes me. I just sit down and sure enough, stuff comes out and even though there is the odd moment of staring at the screen--with the cursor blinking at me, reminding me (blink, blink) that I'm not getting any younger or (sigh) any closer (blink, blink) to becoming Stephanie Meyer/Sophie Kinsella/Meg Cabot and (blink, blink) who do I think I am anyway trying to write a novel--I do actually manage to get a decent amount of writing done just by being plain, old, sometimes creatively-uninspired me in yoga pants with laughable bank account and starting.

Sounds easy, right? Just start. Never mind that it's taken me the better part of a year to really start the starting with any regularity.

I don't know about you but I often have to spend a lot of time thinking about something. Sometimes with wild and gleeful anticipation and other times with dread and a slight sense of panic but whatever it is, I often percolate and ruminate and muse and imagine and squint at the girl on the swing that hangs above my desk and even when I've done all that, I amuse myself by looking up synonyms for words like percole and ruminate and muse...

Oh, I have great intentions and I come up with amazing ideas and plans (have you ever noticed that the brilliant ideas you get at 3:42 am sound absolutely ridiculous when you say them aloud to someone at 10:00 the same morning?) but I am still training myself on the consistently doing part.

In my head, some things seem so big and bold and barrier-filled. Sometimes in a wonderful, thrilling way and other times in a scary, unwieldy way. And whether I'm full of shivery excitement or goosebumpy with nerves, the fact is that I need to move past thinking about scenarios that merely keep me revelling in the possibilities...because just thinking about them won't get me closer to achieving them. Neither does all that doubting, insecure self talk that goes through my head.

Ah, but it's such fun and so familar and safe.

Often, successful career evolution or change, like many other things, is about developing good habits, tackling small things every day and yep, just committing regular time to the doing part even when you don't particularly feel the magic. Then, the tough part: you have to rinse, lather and repeat many, many, many (sigh) times.

So annoying how that works.

But thousands and thousands of fiction words--and blink, blinks--later, I can tell you that it actually does. So, if you're staring at the sides of your cubicle or (lucky you!) out the window thinking, "How do I get to where I want to go?", try what at first might feel monotonous and mundane: think about what little steps you can take on a regular basis to help start your career going in directions you dream of.

And then launch yourself out of that chair and start doing them!

I'm off to lather, rinse and repeat.

Fake It Until You Make It

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:47:00 +0000

When I look back at the last couple of posts, I have to laugh at how sporty I seem. All that Olympic athlete admiration and addiction makes me sound as if I'm a real sports junkie...or at least a fan.

Um...no.

Actually, I am the quintessential bookworm. My parents signed me up for soccer lessons when I was 6 to help me "get out of my shell" and I spent every match running away from the ball (it really hurts when it hits you!) I spontaneously forget the rules of the game during the rare times I am watching sporting events and I am irrationally intimidated by stores that sell running shoes and spandex and those wildly out-of-my-league carabeener thingys.

Nope. Not sporty at all...or am I?

I've been working on my fitness and have been running and doing other forms of cardiovascular torture...er...exercise every day. I run at home, on the treadmill, where no one can see me or notice the very un-sporty way I huff and puff and pretend to be athletic. But the other day, I boldly bought a new exercise shirt to wear in the privacy of my own home and y'know, it perked me up a bit and dare I say...kind of made me feel as if I wasn't just "faking it until I made it" but that maybe, finally, possibly, inconceivably and yes, even deservedly, after hundreds of kilometres and gallons of sweat, that I was actually becoming a little sporty!

It made me think about career aspirations. If you have a goal or a dream, maybe it feels far away. Maybe you feel as if you're masquerading and a huge fake. But I bet that you're not. I bet you're still defining yourself as you were but maybe all that work you're doing towards your goal is actually helping you to become, without you even noticing it.

Comedian/actor Billy Crystal used to say: "it's not how you feel but how you look...and you look mahvelous!" And not to encourage a shopping habit or consumerism, but maybe if you outfitted yourself with one of the tools or sartorial attributes of the job you aspire to, you might see yourself in a new light--as in, almost or already there.

Wearing my new shirt and squinting my eyes a little, I can imagine that Eloise, one of my favourite children's characters might stand in front of me and say, "You look rawther sporty today."

How about you? I bet you look mahvelous too.

Tree versus Tunnel

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 00:42:00 +0000

Have you tried a Jappa Dog? Would you?

In my last post, I talked about learning from the career model put forth by Olympic athletes and it was basically a post full of awe and, to some extent, envy for the way Olympic athletes can delay career gratification, focus on smaller goals on the way to a big goal, persevere in the face of adversity and put all their career eggs in one basket. (I also wouldn't mind getting my hands on one of the Canada jackets that they wear to the medal ceremonies but that's a wish list for another day).

One reader, Carly Goldsmith (blogger of "Success Without a Suit"), wondered about that last point -- advocating putting all your career eggs in one basket. And she's right -- I don't really advocate that. That point (poorly articulated no doubt due to the constant ear worm of the Olympic theme song, "I believe", that's been tormenting me these last 2 weeks) was meant to be about how I am in awe of people who put all their career eggs in one basket because it's not something I could ever do...nor is it something I normally advise others to do. I just think the ability to do it is interesting, incredible and yes, possibly sometimes gold/silver/bronze-medal producing. It's a career model that shocks me with its bravery and also, to some extent with its limited scope because for many of us, that singular focus might cause us to miss out on some really wonderful and unexpected opportunities.

So let me step down from my podium of Olympic athlete awe (and outfit envy) and clarify that I usually suggest the model of a career tree, rather than a tunnel. Working with many students and new graduates as I do, I hear from people frequently who seem to have an expection of finding the track, getting in the groove, leaving the starting gate and then coasting along for 40 years in some sort of mythical career tunnel. And I spend most of my days trying to talk them out of it.

This week, the reasons why were illustrated stoically, if not enthusiastically, by Ben Mulroney and the Jappa Dog. I'll explain why but first, more about my tree analogy (cue the laughing by those who know me as a plant killer from way back).

Thinking of your career as a tree rather than a tunnel is much more practical, flexible and yes, even fun. What I mean by a "tree" is if you grow your interests and skills out through a variety of branches, you not only keep your career interesting but you also offer yourself many options if one branch gets closed off because of career fatigue, firing, flirtation, fate or any other obstacles that may or may not continue my love affair with alliteration. Got a great job? Got one you don't love? The tree works for both situations. Keep those branches growing by volunteering, joining boards, spending time on hobbies, taking on different projects, signing up for classes and so on and so on. Hang sparkly ornaments of cool experiences and new interests on your tree's limbs whenever you can. Stretch your branches to the sky and wiggle in the wind.
And once you've stopped rolling your eyes at my analogies, come back to this week's example.

I'm pretty sure that Ben Mulroney wasn't too enthusiastic about trying one stylin' Vancouver street vendor's version of a hot dog (The Jappa Dog) with all its seaweed shavings and miso-mayonnaise toppings. And I'm pretty sure he didn't like it when he actually tasted it on camera. But he's got another interesting experience on his tree that he would never have had if he had refused to venture down a new branch.

So while we may admire those people who put all their career eggs in one basket, you may want to consider a tree instead. Because, whether it's a maple, birch, magnolia or joshua (mine resembles a banyan), your career tree can be beautiful.

Even if the Jappa Dog ain't your kind of thing.

Career Patience of "Olympic" Proportions

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 14:20:00 +0000

Interesting thing, this Olympics.

3 billion of us are estimated to have responded to the invitation to revel in our national pride, determination and fitness by doing...um, yeah...nothing.

There we are watching elite athletes sweat and strain and compete for gold and what are we doing? Sitting/lying/sprawled perfectly motionless, (except for the odd groan or cheer) sometimes for hours at a time, our only exertion that of the hurculean effort it takes to bring the snacks and beverages not normally found in an Olympic athlete's diet up to our mesmerized mouths.

The juxtaposition of elite athletes with MacDonald's as the "official restaurant of the Olympic games" strikes me as more than a little strange too.

I've also been struck this week by what a unique career model an amateur athlete is. Take Kelly Vanderbeek, ski racer for the Canadian Olympic team, for example. She tore her ACL (yeah, I'm not sure what that means either, but I know it's bad) in December, thereby ending her 2010 Olympic dreams and it got me thinking: what if, instead of being bored, demanding or impatient with our careers, we followed the model of an amateur athlete?

What if we...

1. gave our best and worked towards a goal years and years in the future, without any guarantee that we would ever reach it--but we kept working and believing anyway?

2. delayed big financial rewards now and for years, doing training, paying our dues, building our skills so that when the big opportunity came along, we'd be as ready as we could be?

3. satisfied, nourished and celebrated ourselves with small goals (e.g. races/time improvements/new technical prowess) along the way...while we waited and waited and waited some more for our chance?

4. put all our career eggs/loves in one basket and worked consistently and happily towards that goal?

and perhaps hardest of all...

5. recognized that some of it is simply not in our control--torn ACLs happen and change everything in an instant--and instead of giving up, we started working towards a new goal?

Kelly Vanderbeek had a major career goal just weeks from her grasp. She had presumably done everything right and worked very, very hard toward her goal. And now she must wait...and work hard some more--four years more. How many of us do that when things are stagnating or worse--go that terribly wrong in our careers? I acknowledge that elite athletes are often from comfortable, if not wealthy stock and have a significant basis from which to harness opportunties that we might not all have. I still think the career model they follow from there is something we can learn from.

Kelly has a career she obviously loves but it's not without its moments of heartbreak and yet she doesn't abandon it or forget the joys it brings, even when the going gets really, really rough.

And, despite all her training and good fortune and disappointment, Kelly is, at her core, just a woman like you (okay, maybe with slightly whiter teeth) with a career to deal with. And like you, when you've had a bad day on the job, she might console herself momentarily with a cheeseburger and chocolate milkshake.

It's okay. We're all allowed a moment of decadence and self-pity and besides...

I've heard the "official restaurant of the Olympics" is welcoming customers.

A Valentine for your Career - from Career Cupid

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 14:54:00 +0000

Career Cupid is all about how finding a great career is a lot like the process of finding a great romance. Whether you love the whole hearts/chocolate/flowers thing or not, Valentine's Day is the perfect time to re-commit to a current career you love or get inspired to find one you really do want to spend some significant time with.

For some ideas, check out my Valentine's Day interview with Cathy Keates: www.careerconsiderations.ca/blog/?p=161

Happy in your career or not, tools from the dating world can help up the romance and endorphins quotient and can make the process feel more manageable and fun. So go on--open up that box of cocoa treasures (after all, it is the universal day of guilt-free chocolate indulgence) and cozy up to the career you love.

Happy Valentine's Day from Career Cupid!

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 22:09:00 +0000

"Don't take the free ride in your own life" - Nickelback

Some days, I listen to that line in the song and think, "yeah, that's me...pushing forward, going outside my comfort zone, making changes...whoo hoo!" and other times I kind of just want to tell the leader singer Chad to please, oh pretty please go and take a flying leap (and not using such nice words).

Tuesday was one of those days. Ol' Chad and his friends Bob (Seger), Melissa (Ethridge), Bono (um...guess he's one of those people with no last name) and others were singing away, keeping time to my pounding (feet) and panting (lungs) and I hated them all. I wanted to tell Melissa that, no, actually, I don't &%*$& run for life--because Tuesday while I was running, I couldn't have cared less about life!

I just wanted to give up. And not just for a minute. For every single minute of 60 minutes. It was so HARD.

I'm deep in the second month of my "back to health" regime and it has struck me more than once that the effort I'm putting forth, the energy it takes to rally my spirit and get my butt out of the chair and into exercise is kind of like the exertion you need to do something about your career. And whew, it's not easy sometimes, is it?!

When I'm not cursing at them for being so gosh darn chipper while I'm busy sweating my hands and everything else off (why do the back of my hands sweat when I run?) and no doubt seconds from dying of something really, really painful and bad (I think it's called melodrama), I really do appreciate my buddies along the road -- Chad, Bob, Melissa, Bono and especially Michael (long-suffering husband and chief cheerleader).

Couldn't do it without them, in fact.

They're there to vent at when you feel ugly and worn down and tired and hopeless (and they keep you from being overly nasty to the other 3-D people in your life!). On better days, they're there to lift your spirits and cheer you up and give you inspiration when you feel like you can fly.

Who are your career change buddies? You need 'em to remind you, among other things:

Don't take the free ride in your own life.

And after you've finished telling them to take a flying leap, you'll get through that horrible day and hopefully, have a day like I had today, when they'll make you smile and believe:

Yes, it is possible.

To flush or not to flush? A major job search question

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 18:03:00 +0000

Ever been on the phone and heard a toilet flushing on the other person's end? What if you were trying to set up an interview to hire that person?

While I was in the stall of a public washroom recently, a person entered the washroom who was carrying on a telephone conversation on her cell phone. Dressed in a black suit and appearing very professional, it quickly became evident from the conversation I was unable to avoid overhearing that she was talking to a prospective employer and setting up an interview date.

Initially, I was a bit bemused--after all, as a career counsellor, I don't tend to recommend that job seekers conduct any conversations with prospective employers in a washroom. Until recently, the reasons for this advice seemed kind of obvious to me...

"Hi employer, nice to hear from you....Oh, you hear a toilet flushing? I'm just in the washroom because y'know...I'm a multi-tasker!

or

"I'm in the washroom because it was a mascara emergency!"

or

"I'm in the washroom because there was nowhere else to talk..."

Really? Not outdoors? Or under a tree? Or down a quiet hallway or stairwell? Or in an empty elevator? Or asking someone if there is a quiet place you can step into? Or beside a busy highway? (Because, seriously, wouldn't you rather be caught out for talking by the side of a busy freeway with trucks roaring by at high speed, than for being in the place where people go #1 and 2?)

There was nowhere else? Um...bad decision.

My reaction turned from amusement to chagrin as I realized my predicament. There I was, effectively trapped in my stall, trying to decide...to flush or not to flush? As I debated, I wondered to myself: how did this stranger's career fate become my responsibility?

It seemed that she looked at me with annoyance after I flushed and came out of the stall to wash my hands yet the woman chose to stay in the washroom to carry on her conversation, so I was faced with another predicament. After washing my hands, the only visible option for drying them was to use a very loud, wall-mounted hand dryer positioned right next to where this person was making the interview arrangements!

I wash thoroughly with soap and water so my hands were really wet--this wasn't simply a case of damp fingertips that I could wipe on my pants--and I had to go directly out to meet (and shake hands with) someone after exiting the washroom.

So, I dilly-dallied. I sighed inwardly at my image in the mirror. I shook my wet hands repeatedly in the sink. I found 2 new wrinkles. I considered whether I should head to the salon for a new style. I counted tiles on the floor.

Still, the conversation continued. What subway stop should she get off at to get to the company? Would she get reimbursed for the travel expenses to the interview?

I finally resorted to retreating back to the stalls and using tissue-paper thin, industrial toilet paper to try to mop up the water from my dripping hands. Squeezing by the woman on the phone as I existed the washroom, I resisted the urge to push the start button on the hand dryer.

But I have to confess, I lay awake last night fantasizing about it.

New year, new career?

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:49:00 +0000

Whoah, here she comes. Watch out boys she'll chew you up. Whoah, here she comes...she's a...

Um..well, okay, maybe making new year's resolutions isn't that scary, but the approach of Dick Clark's party in Times Square still makes some feel the pressure of new beginnings and the need to start the new year, as Anne Shirley said, "fresh with no mistakes in it". We somehow feel compelled to make rash promises to ourselves.

This year, we'll run for an hour a day on the treadmill looking unbelievably fab in expensive yoga pants that "do something great to our butts".

This year, we'll get up early and read the classics (except for Hemingway, yeech).

This year, we'll get our dream job and tell off nasty Nellie in accounting as we ride off into the sunset with the sweetness of escape and the last piece of cheesecake from the lunch room in our bellies.

Oh yeah, and we'll achieve world peace and the body of Jenifer Garner while we're at it.

I don't want to downplay the efforts of people who make new year's resolutions. It's just that I've learned that what we mostly do at this time of year is set ourselves up for failure (I am finally resigned to the fact that I am never going to like Hemingway) because we set the goals too big.

My last post was about Santa encouraging you to dream big. And yes, you can probably accuse me of being a little "holy boomerang batman" but I'm really not going back on what I said before. Dreaming big is part of the journey. But the old adage says, "how do you eat an elephant?" The answer: "one bite at a time" applies to more than just this slightly nauseating analogy. It really applies to new year's resolutions and career resolutions. The shortest distance between two career points is often not successfully achieved by leaping. It is usually achieved by planning and baby steps, side steps, stretching and working towards something steadily, unceasingly, in the manner of Ripley going after that pesky alien.

Dull, you say? Ahem...how can you call Ripley dull? Okay, so your career goal is not an alien whose butt you can kick. But the same steady, unceasing focus and sticktoitiveness works! Try working backwards from your big goal and chunking it into monthly--or even yearly--smaller goals. If you've been unhappy with your current situation for a while, what's a bit of extra time? Wouldn't you rather take a bit longer to get there and actually get there, than sprint and trip and fall or give up?

Think: s-t-r-e-t-c-h vs sprint, timbit vs doughnut...um, yeah.

Happy New Year! And happy new, maybe-not-immediately-but-coming-soon-to-a-theatre-new-you, career too.

Is a new career on your holiday wish list?

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 19:39:00 +0000

If you enjoy your career, the holiday season is a great time to be grateful and to give thanks. After all, 'tis the season to be involved in all things festive but if you're not feeling terribly festive about your career, you might want to add it to your holiday wish list.

In between sipping sparkly drinks, wearing sparkly clothing and writing sparkly cards, take a few moments to stand under the proverbial mistletoe and think about the career you'd like to be snuggling up to.

Remember when you were little and flipping through the Holiday Wish Book catalogue? It was a fantasy land of possibility. The groovy thing about this time of year is that Santa doesn't ask children to dream practically or reasonably, Santa encourages children to dream BIG. There's really no other time of year when we're allowed to go all out and ask for our wildest dreams. It doesn't mean we'll always get exactly what we asked for (case in point: the curly-haired doll when I really wanted a go-cart) but the simple act of dreaming is something to be treasured at this time of year. Allow yourself to stretch your imagination and dream what seems like the impossible.

Who needs another pair of socks or bottle of perfume? Dreaming about your dream career can help set in motion the motivation you need to believe that it is possible and to start to pursue it. Just like in the movie, "A Miracle on 34th Street", Santa works in mysterious ways if you just believe...

Happy Holidays!

Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:30:00 +0000

My book draws the analogy that the process of finding a great job is a lot like the process of finding a great romance. I wrote it that way because I wanted it to be an approachable career book and also because I noticed that my friends and I spent quite a bit of time analyzing and talking about two things: our romantic relationships and our careers. The quest to find happiness often exists in both areas of our lives.

But we are diverse, us women. Some of us don't believe that romance is the way to happiness and even if we do, we're certainly not going to sit around waiting for it to find us--in life or our career.

This weekend, I'm exhibiting at Kingston's First Women's Show, a show that highlights women in business for themselves. I'm really looking forward to meeting these women, all of whom are in various stages of creating a career for themselves by starting their own business.

Entrepreneurship is a road often travelled by women. From Cora's Breakfasts to Loonie Spoons to Sleep Country, women are turning ideas into action all across Canada...and the world.

Who needs to wait for career romance to blossom? Sometimes, happily, we don't. As the Eurythmics sing, "Sisters are doin' it for themselves."

Is Career Happiness a Right?

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:20:00 +0000

This might seem like a crazy question to ask when I have written a book all about finding your dream job.

If you believe that when you're 24 or even 29 that you deserve a dream job (especially if you did all the so-called "right" things), you're probably feeling a bit disillusioned. You might be angry or mystified about why your dream job is not happening NOW please and thank you. You're working hard, so what gives??

In my book, I use the analogy that finding a dream career is a lot like the process of finding a dream relationship. So perhaps you have anticipated my question: did you find true love with your first date or your second or your third? Likely--and probably thankfully in most cases--not.

Just like in romance, most of us have to date some jobs with bad taste in music and tacky cars and annoying habits before we find one we want to spend some serious time with. But I would encourage you to stop thinking of this career "dating" that you're doing as a "waste of time" or not a "real" career (even if your parents keep asking you what you're doing with your life -- after all they weren't so keen on all those first dates you brought home at first either, but they were shaping up to be "real" romances weren't they?)

You may be unhappy sometimes. A late 20s friend of mine tells the disillusioned new grads she knows, "Oh, you're unhappy at work? This is just the workplace 'crushing your spirit'." She feels it is a natural part of the evolution into work. But is it? Or is it a result of our new expectations that if we do X or Y, we all deserve to do great work pretty quickly out of the gate?

May I be so bold as to ask: what have you done to deserve "more than this?" What can you actually DO that is of value to an employer? Finding great work is not all about what you want and deserve and the potentially frustrating part is this...sometimes getting something of value to offer takes time. There's just no getting around it. Just like in romance, you might be smiling your face off, wearing kicky new boots, holding your diploma high, sending out great vibes, full of the latest scintillating conversation tidbits and positioning yourself in the produce aisle in case a single person happens to saunter by and working harder at it than anyone else around...and it still might not get you what you want.

We're an impatient lot nowadays. We want our stuff, our happiness, our perfect life NOW. But just like finding a great relationship, finding a great career takes patience, lots of positive action on your part (and a little serendipity) and sometimes facing the fact that there will indeed be some jobs you will wish you hadn't slept with on the first date. But don't write them off. They can be key ingredients in your very own path to a great career.

All those bad dates and not-so-sexy jobs? They help you weed out the riff-raff and gain experience. They help you know yourself better and help you narrow down what you are really looking for (or not looking for). Most of us don't start out knowing. And even if we do, what we know and want at 24 has likely changed substantially by 34 and likely changed substantially again by 45 and likely changed again by...well, you get the idea. We are evolving constantly and so too, our career aspirations. Those so-called "bad date" jobs are actually really helpful to you.

Be clear about what you're looking for 'cos no one else will figure it out for you (cue the unwieldy hair cut you let your hairstylist talk you into). Take charge of your career by doing your part. Keep dating and put up with a bit of waiting. Value ALL your work (even if it's not your favourite) because it is all truly working for you.

The truth is, there may always be some bad dates in your career. As you evolve and compromise around your life events, you may need to give yourself a pep talk, not just in your 20s but in your 30s and 40s and 50s. Perfect work may not exist for everyone. Perfect for you at this time is a much more attainable and satisfying goal.

Finding a dream career is usually a process, not a destination that you can get to on an express train. And just like trains and dream relationships, dream careers tend to arrive faster when you stop obsessing about why they aren't here yet. Instead, take action on the things you can control -- have a party on the platform, count the number of subway tiles on the walls, pick up the local lingo, offer bystanders your skills and smile but be prepared to also embrace a little waiting.

You'll be ready when your train comes in.

The leaves are gone

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:41:00 +0000

After a very blustery day on Saturday indeed, the rainbow of fall colours has landed in our forlorn-looking winterized swimming pool and the trees are creaky and bare, shivering in the cool November wind. Sort of like me.

I have that not-yet-settled-into-the-cold-season, odd Ontario November wardrobe that consists of jacket (on second thought, too light for today's brisk wind out of the north) and scarf (how could I have forgotten that this one makes me so itchy?) and shoes (I am NOT wearing boots before December if I can help it!) that are inadequate for the odd patch of mud I've encountered on my travels around town.

Daylight savings ended on the weekend and on the dot of 6:03 pm, my body is now telling me it's time for bed. "To bed with you!" my body cries. "It's dark," it whines in an obnoxious and somehow pathetically yearning way at 6:14 pm. "Why are you ignoring me?" my body cries at 6:27 pm. "To bed! What's so difficult to understand?" And still I somehow resist. Barely.

I'm possessed with a hibernation instinct not normally attributed to humans, I think. But I can't indulge the "pathological need for sleep" that the sleep doctor declared me with. He was amused that I slept for 13 hours in his lab. A world record almost and in summer, the season of light no less! So excuse me body but I have a career that requires that I set an alarm every night. A career that is currently composed of several jobs. And not quiet, unprovocative jobs but loud, rather demanding jobs. Promotions to get on with. Websites to re-structure. Clients to counsel. Blogs to write. Books to develop from ideas into words.

But, but, but...I'd rather sleep for 12 or 13 hours a day. What could be better than yummy, delicious, cozy micro-fibre sheets wrapped around me sleep? No, I don't have time for that whole grown-up career thing at this time of year.

And on top of all that, the lighting in the bathroom at work has begun to betray me again. It's an annual event - a shift in the space-time continuum that somehow results in fluorescent bathroom lighting illuminating a pasty pallor and frizzy hair that cannot possibly belong to moi. I, career woman/rip van writer girl, feel the almighty urge to runs screaming from the terror and travel down that intimidating yet somehow enticing aisle at the drug store that contains the cream for "mature women's skin" and "anti-everything serum".

Good thing I'm having a great time with my career. When I'm awake.

ZZzzzzzzzzz. Let me know when it's Spring.

Would you like a side of IV antibiotics with that career?

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 00:17:00 +0000

The past ten days, I've been dealing with a relatively minor but annoying illness that has required me to spend hours every day at the hospital receiving IV antibiotics. Some days it's eaten up five or six or seven hours. Other days a blessed two.

Between waiting rooms, hanging around for test results and getting medication, needless to say, I've spent a lot of hours waiting this week...and not always patiently. As I spent my hours people-watching, eavesdropping on amusing conversations, keeping fellow patients company, snuggling into my husband's shoulder or occasionally managing to read a few lines from a book, it got me thinking about what we do with the times when no matter how pro-active and resourceful we are, we simply aren't in control of what's happening in our lives and in our careers.

Even though I wasn't desperately ill in relative terms, I had waves of feeling quite sorry for myself. I didn't want to be sitting there in the hospital for hours at at time. I had things to do, people to see, places to go. There was no internet, no phone service, no "business as usual". I carried my writing pad and my dictaphone but I couldn't seem to make use of them. I was forced to pause. Against my will. And while I was pausing, the beds were uncomfortable! (Apparently, I am the proverbial Princess and the Pea in a hospital bed.)

Sometimes, no matter how hard we are working on our dreams, taking baby steps, being brave, staying positive, contributing...we get sidelined for a while. And when that happens, it sure can feel frustrating. We might not like where we are. We might feel frustrated or deflated or unmotivated. We might even start to think, "Will I ever make it out of here?"

I think that in every life and career, a little forced hospitalization to get IV antibiotics for ten days must fall. Erm...yeah. It's not always a smooth ride to "the top" (whatever your "top" happens to be). Along the way, we may feel stalled in the career trajectory we had been expecting. We may even think, "Why me? I work hard. I don't deserve the bad hand I've been dealt."

Don't lose heart. Instead, try to enjoy the pitstop. People watch. Eavesdrop on amusing conversations. Keep fellow travellers company. Snuggle into a loved-one's shoulder. You might just find yourself experiencing something new and interesting or feeling grateful for things you had previously taken for granted.

And if you allow yourself a moment or two to indulge in pouting to yourself about the bad mattress on the hospital bed, I understand and I promise: I won't tell anyone. This too is what career is sometimes about.

Hang in there.

Finding my "peeps"

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 23:49:00 +0000

I'd like to be a free spirit but many days, I feel more like a free-range chicken. I come across as pretty average but if you look closely in amongst the "blah", you'll often see me sporting an exuberant hat, an interesting necklace or a funky pair of shoes. I think it's the free spirit part of me trying to make itself known in some small way.

I volunteered Thursday and Friday at Kingston Writersfest, the first annual literary extravaganza filled with writers from all over Canada and haven't been able to sleep well since. I have breathed up the air from all those free spirits and I seem to be exhaling it during my dreams.

I learned about the axes of writing from Susan Olding's inspiring master class on memoir and have been waking in the night with ideas scrambling in my head, trying to put the learning into action (I would, however, appreciate it if my brain would refrain from trying to do so at 3:00 in the morning). I also confirmed that the reason I feel so exhilerated and anxious all at the same time about writing stems from something many writers seem to share --a need to find meaning in life's events. Oh sure, it sounds simple, but sharing that meaning through words can be really scary. For example, Lorna Crozier's candid description of the day her mother found out--in church incidentally!--that Lorna had written an article in which the first line read, "My father was a drunk" made me feel as if I'd swallowed a burning stick. Lorna had written the truth, thinking "Oh, who's gonna read this anyway?" but someone did and that someone read it to Lorna's mother before Lorna had taken the opportunity to prepare her.

Even if your words don't come back to haunt you, to choose writing as a career is wonderful and at the same time, as scary to me as swimming off the precipice of a waterfall. Now, at 40, I am wading more fully into the water and even though it's a kind of "arm" off my main career identity, it still feels unsettling. Contemplating career change is often like that but thanks to Susan, Lorna and other participants at Kingston Writersfest, I also enjoyed the lovely sensation of being among kindred spirits.

I am trying to hold on to those "career courage" moments. The exuberant hats, funky necklaces and interesting shoes I saw all around me this weekend helped.

Careers are a 20th-century invention and I don't want one

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 13:24:00 +0000

What does "career" mean to you?

Many people differentiate between the words "career" and "job". Why is that? Is it because a career is seen as something intentional, rather than something you do to pay the rent? Does calling something your "career" imply a more serious relationship -- or a connection to some deeper part of who you are or what your life is about?

Alexander Supertramp (aka Christopher McCandless) had this to say about careers: "careers are a 20th-century invention and I don't want one". At least, that's what he said in the movie Into the Wild which chronicles his journey towards a so-called "life of truth" after he graduated from university. It seemed, from his story, that he wanted his life to be about freedom, adventure, and living his own happiness and not about societal constructs like money, possessions, and security.

Maybe it's because I work as a career counsellor, but I don't define "career" with the same limited connotations that he did. In fact, I actually think that despite his eschewing of all things predictable for a university graduate, he did have a career. He worked (cue the scenes where he foraged for food, drove a combine, worked at Burger King). He built relationships (with border guards, with hippies, with harvesters). He developed new skills and went outside his comfort zone (he learned how to recognize edible plants and overcame his fear of water). He did all that in pursuit of a goal that was extremely meaningful to him. I believe those are just some of the hallmarks of a career.

Of course, "career", although it might conjure up those images for some, doesn't have to mean a pension plan and a navy blue suit. And while he is an extreme example, I think that Alexander/Christopher made an admirable and conscious effort to build a life that was uniquely tailored to fit him. I don't agree with everything he did but I can't help but be awed by the resolute determination he found to do what he loved.

Maybe, for you, career is not about burning your cash, donating your savings and heading out alone into the Alaskan wilderness. But spend some time pondering the question: what does "career" mean to you?

Serena Williams, Kanye West and Joe Williams Don't Deserve to Represent Career "Passion"

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 14:17:00 +0000

Watching the news today was disappointing. There was Serena Williams' expletive-laced tirade at a ref during the U.S. Open and Kanye West's interruption of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the VMA awards (he actually managed to humiliate two women in the space of 10 seconds). Even the U.S. President wasn't immune to someone's misplaced opinions as Joe Wilson shouted "You lie!" during Obama's health care speech.

Don' t get me wrong. I agree that democracy means expressing and hearing dissenting opinions. But there's a time and a place and as these cases illustrate, it seems that many people have lost their ability to exercise their freedom of expression without being just plain rude.

What bugs me the most about today's news though, is that all these people expressed some level of (sincere or insincere - you decide) remorse afterwards for their behavior and attributed it, at least in part, to their "passion" for their game/music/politics. O....kay.

Hey, I'm in the business of career happiness and I'm always thrilled to hear that there are people out there who are so excited about their work. But is career passion really the reason these people behaved as bullies?

I don't think so. Happy people don't feel the need to take others down in humiliating and embarrassing ways. So all you celebs, athletes and politicians out there: please stop using career "passion" as an excuse for inappropriate and rude behaviour.

You give yourself and--more importantly, from my perspective--career happiness, a bad name.

Butter and Book Deals

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 00:58:00 +0000

Last week I saw the movie, Julie and Julia. If you're not familiar, it follows the journeys of two women at life and career crossroads. One woman is as-yet un-published cookbook author Julia Child and the other is office worker Julie Powell who cooks her way through Julia Child's cookbook over the course of a year, blogs about it, scores a book (and obviously movie,) deal of which I admit, I am just a teensy bit jealous, and presumably, lives happily ever after.

The geeky career counsellor in me found the movie compelling and inspirational. I took away two lessons from these women.

Lesson 1: Doing what you love takes courage...and butter doesn't hurt either

I know. It's not revolutionary but bears repeating over and over, several times daily. So there was Julia Child, complete with pearls and seemingly unflappable spirit, feeling somewhat at loose ends living in France with her diplomat husband. She loved the whole Paris life thing, but eventually wanted a bit more substance to her daily existence and asked her husband what she should do to keep busy. Her husband asked her, "Well, what do you like to do?" to which she responded with gusto, "I like to eat!"

Such a simple statement and yet, how hard to actually trust that this could actually lead to a satisfying and indeed, lucrative career. How often do we convince ourselves that something we love to do is too ridiculous to be a "real" career? I'm not denying that Julia Child had the benefit of a financially and emotionally supportive spouse (always helpful when you're striking off in a scary new career direction) but even when our ducks are in a row, I still think we often hesitate to go down the road with only what we love to do as our guide. It seems somehow as decadent as all that butter Julia used in her recipes. It takes incredible courage to pursue a career dream especially when it's based on a wispy little statement like, "I like to eat" and just because you dream it doesn't mean you get it right away (Julia certainly didn't). But Julia Child's fearlessness and work ethic in persistently pursuing what she loved and working hard to gain the skills to back it up, is something to aspire to. Even in the face of obstacles and at an age where many of us are tempted to throw up our hands and decide "it's too late for me", she persevered. Bon Appetit, Julia!

Lesson 2: Fussing ain't helping and you can't win if you don't buy a ticket.

Enter Julie Powell. While perhaps not as colourful as her French Chef mentor (and perhaps this was the point), I know that many women can connect with the story of a woman who was feeling the all-too-common career sensation of "is this all there is?" at the age of 30 (or 40 or 50). After some understandable grumbling and whining about the state of her life, she decided to take some action. And that's the cool part. It's easy to get stuck in the grumbling, whining stage and never...actually...ACT. But she did. Even better, she quite wisely picked something to do that she enjoyed doing, without strategizing about "where it could lead". She simply came up with a project that combined two things she loved: cooking and writing. In the process, she found that achieving her goal of cooking all 500+ recipes in Julia Child's cookbook in 365 days, was even more difficult than she imagined. She had to work really hard at times to succeed and she had to have discipline and keep at it even when she was really discouraged, tired, and dreading attempting new things. All the while she had absolutely no inkling that she might get a book deal or start a new career or anything so swish. She was simply working hard at something and lest you overlook what an accomplishment that was, think about the last time you worked hard at some new direction for your career every single day for a year in the hopes that it might, but certainly wasn't guaranteed, to lead to something good. Uh hunh.

Bad things happened along the way. And good things too. But I think the biggest career lesson from her story isn't that she got a book deal and moved to a bigger house in Queen's. I think it's that she experienced the joys, frustrations, panic, exhileration---sensation of action when she was feeling career frustrated. Even if it hadn't opened up the fabulous new career opportunities for her in the end, I still think the action served her well because it revitalized her, gave her a renewed sense of purpose and hope. And who couldn't use a little more of that?

Julie and Julia. Butter and book deals. What will you do today to find your own Bon Appetit?

Take one VW Beetle and call me in the morning

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 15:20:00 +0000

I had a bad day at work today. I had a headache between my eyes by 9:30 am and by 2:30 pm it was throbbing and making things look slightly wiggly around the edges. Not that I minded. Wiggly seemed more appealing than reality today.

We are in the full throws of our annual pre-September panic as we try to ready things for when the students arrive back on campus in a couple of weeks. Many of us were grumpy again today, which is never pleasant, but not all that unusual in many workplaces unfortunately. However, given what we do for a living -- that is, inspire people to go after their career dreams -- it feels disingenuous and surreal to be advising people about career happiness while simultaneously wandering around muttering under our breath and compulsively checking our lottery tickets.

Everyone has bad days of course, even people who are doing work they generally like. Still, when I left the office today, I could feel the cloud of the day hanging over me. I felt gloomy and despite the ibuprofen I'd ingested every four hours all day long, my head was still pounding.

Cue my ride home. A few years ago, my husband persuaded me to buy a totally unecessary, self-indulgent and possibly environmentally irresponsible 1973 Volkswagen Beetle. It's at the top of a list of cars I've wanted my whole life and although I hadn't had my driver's license for 15 years due to a fainting problem, I was finally healthy and able to drive again. Even though it's been six years since we bought that car and I drive it nearly every day from April to October, it still works its magic.

I don't know if the soothing comes from the distinctive burble of the VW engine or the cheery yellow colour or the way people spontaneously smile when we drive by. I notice that no matter what my mood, within minutes of starting the car, my heart feels as if it's going to burst out of my chest and I don't know whether to laugh or cry (and I frequently do both). Mostly, I find myself grinning like an idiot with the sheer joy of the experience. Maybe it's the years without the driver's license and the thrill of independence that never gets old for me or maybe I'm just easily entertained. I just know that seriously, my cheeks hurt because I'm grinning so much! I no longer come busting in the door at home ranting about the latest tax hike, world injustice or inconsiderate driver. As corny as it sounds, when I get in that car, the bad stuff about the world seems to melt away and my only option seems to be happiness. My "Daizybug" is some of the best medicine for whatever ails me.

We all have bad days - in work and in life. Do you have a place, activity, or person to be with where giddy joy is abundant? Spending some time there can do wonders to help you rejuvenate so you have energy to appreciate your progress and keep acting on your dreams.

Wishing you your very own "Daizybug".

Do You Look Career Desperate?

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 19:16:00 +0000

You know the saying in dating that advises, “Once you stop looking for a great guy, he’ll land in your lap”? Well, the same may be true for finding your true love career. Sure, preparation is important. Knowing yourself and thinking specifically about what you’re going after are key steps that will help you increase your chances of making a great career match. But I would be misleading you if I didn’t admit that there’s also some timing and serendipity involved.

Do you look desperate? You know how when you WANT to meet someone, you can’t seem to get a second glance, but then as soon as you’re off the market, you suddenly appear to be the most desirable woman in the world? That same cosmic mess-with-your-head principle may apply to career dating as well. Somehow, employers and contacts sense the beseeching plea that seems to emanate from your every pore (and you thought it was just the Love’s Baby Soft you’ve worn since you were 12). No matter how calm and composed you think you’re being, if your body language is saying, “HELP me…I hate my job and I want one like yours”, you may find yourself having great meetings with people that never seem to go to a second date. Your desperation is making them feel trapped, nervous and possibly even that you have ulterior motives.

Whether it’s tantric hot yoga or retail therapy that calms you down, find a way to tap into your inner Zen…or you will end up alone with your internet favourites permanently stuck on monster.com. And I wouldn’t wish that on you. You seem like such a lovely woman.

Christine Fader is a career counsellor and author of "Career Cupid: Your Guide to Landing and Loving Your Dream Job". Visit her at www.careercupid.com

That Job Stinks. Or Does It?

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 02:28:00 +0000

The end to the recent garbage strike in Toronto got me thinking about the limitations of a university degree. Take a whiff of a city with no garbage pick up for 6 weeks and the value of waste disposal professionals is pretty clear. Everyone - including those with those oh-so-necessary-nowadays university degrees - suffered due to the lack of bodies coming to clear away that which we have consumed, ripped open and thrown out. Yep, it's a valuable service these people provide and a career worth respecting because without people doing that good work, we would be in a real mess.

And yet, how many of us would encourage a person who aspired to that career? It's interesting that we don't have the same sarcastic or negative reaction when someone tells us they want to be a doctor. Yet, that aspiring doctor could end up being a gastroenterologist - the garbage collector of that field. Sure, there's a pay difference but those city garbage collectors have a much better union than doctors and they also make a good living. They don't work nearly the same hours per week as a gastroenterologist and I'm guessing that they probably don't have the same high rate of suicide as doctors do. And if the last 6 weeks showed the people of Toronto and the rest of us anything, it should have highlighted the incredible value that municipal trash collectors have in our world.

Yet when it comes to career respect, we treat that job, and by extension, the people who do it, as less than. Oh sure, it's fine for someone else's kid/sister/father to do that job but we have a sort of "NIMBY" mentality towards career choice. Yes, we need garbage collectors but there's no way my kid/sister/father is going to do a job like that.

Why do we do that? I work at a university (admittedly, a skewed sample) and see this type of career hierarchy in play every day. Prestige is often a big part of why students choose the work they do, especially when they have continuously been told that university is the "top" of the academic food chain. Yet is it really? Isn't university just one of many education and training options available? No better or worse than other options - just different? Still, I see parents and students every week who choose against a job or education program they want because it's perceived to be beneath a "smart person".

What would happen if the college goers, apprentices and people who earn an honest living by asking, "do you want fries with that?" were acknowledged as just as needed and respected just as highly as (and by) those who came out of university? Career and education choice could be about differences, instead of "better than" and "less than".

I'm not just spouting Pollyanna optimism and equality here. As we continually tell our current and future generations of children that university is the only "smart people's" option, we not only diminish the immense value of the training and contributions the rest of the workforce makes, we are ending up with a world where fewer and fewer people will actually take a job taking out the garbage. Jobs where college, apprenticeship or experience is the path to get there are so de-valued, they are seen as the failing choice, instead of something to which someone could aspire. Soon, and it's already happening in some places, we will live in a world where everyone is too "qualified" to pick up the garbage.

And that, to me, is a world that stinks. Literally.

Your Cheatin' Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 00:12:00 +0000

You're not actually cheating...yet, but you've lost that loving feeling at work. Your body is at work but your soul and mind are off riding horses with a guy who looks remarkably like Brad Pitt. In this case, the guy who looks remarkably like Brad Pitt is "that job over there that looks so much cooler/better/easier than mine." You're having an emotional affair with the job down the hall. Oh sure, you haven't slept with it yet, but it looks awfully cute and you're spending all your free time lusting after it and text messaging about it and planning what you'd do if you got it. You're ignoring your current job which suddenly looks full of flaws and incredibly demanding to boot. The way the photocopier jams up on you on Fridays used to be cute but now it's just plain irritating. Job down the hall's photocopier never jams.

While you're not guilty of outright cheating, you are having an emotional affair. Your heart has turned a corner away from your current job, leaving it swinging in the wind, wondering what it did wrong. The question is, are you having an incredibly cow-like "the grass is always greener" episode, which could be cured by a good old-fashioned Career One-night Stand or is this something more serious?

Try the Career One-night Stand as a level-one cure. In career terminology, the One-night Stand is known as "job shadowing". I know -- it sounds kind of dull or even a bit creepy, which is why I gave it a more exciting label. The Career One-night Stand is every bit as fun and interesting as the romantic one-night stand, except without most of the risks to your safety and schoolgirl reputation.

The idea is to try on different types of work without having to commit to them. You could interview or even follow around for part of a day, say, a tax lawyer (hey, that's some people's idea of a dream job--don't make fun!) or maybe an architect or a fashion magazine editor. See if the work is really as great as you dreamed. You might find that looking from over there back down the hall at your job, you suddenly remember why it seemed so cute when you took it on all those eons ago. Or, you might find the new career love of your life.

When Good Women Go Baggy

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 12:31:00 +0000

You used to be the one coming up with the great ideas. You contributed in meetings, you wrote proposals, you innovated products or practices in ways that made the employer and you look good. But just like the Neil Diamond/Barbara Streisand song goes, “You don’t bring me flowers”, perhaps you have become bored or uninspired with your work. Maybe you’re overtired with other life obligations and you just don’t have the energy for career romance anymore. Whatever the reason, you have started resting comfortably in a place where you feel that you don’t really need to be the star – after all, why not let the up-and-comers dazzle with their flash?

Just like in romance, you will settle into a less intense phase of your work after the initial heady days of courting and honeymoon are over. The trick is to find the balance before you end up looking as if you don’t care enough to put any effort in at all anymore. While you’re probably not staying up late six nights a week coming up with your next amazing idea, it’s important not to give up innovating altogether. Every career needs a little romantic gesture thrown in on a regular basis.

Ways to keep the career romance alive

• Collaborate with other people on projects – because you’re sharing the load, you often get to choose the bits that you find most fun and are skilled at. People may even call you “sparkly” in an awed sort of voice!

• Take time off – sometimes we forget to give ourselves permission to take holiday time or even short unpaid leaves to recharge. You’re fabulous but you’re not irreplaceable and being away for a while may allow you to return with fresh enthusiasm. Just remember to clean your stuff out of the lunchroom fridge before you go…it will look scary by the time you get back.

• Get some rest – it can be difficult with all that you have going on but maybe you need to scale back a bit in some areas so that work can be approached with energy. p.s. energy doesn’t come from a mug, can, bottle or the vending machine. Hint: exercise and more sleep will help you figure out two of the main places energy comes from!

• Recommit to the work – sometimes work slides down our priority list with other things keeping us busy. Revisit your priorities and shuffle things if needed. Approach work with the same enthusiasm as a second honeymoon.

Are you a good woman going a little baggy? Re-commit to yourself and your work. Don’t force your employer to sing, ‘You don’t bring me flowers’. It makes you look bad and will probably be painful to your ears. They are, after all, mostly tone deaf despite playing “background singer no. 2” in the community theatre production of Mamma Mia.

Would you rather clean than read a career book?

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 16:24:00 +0000

My friends and I always seem to gravitate back to two main topics in our conversations: relationships and careers. How can we get one (hunky hearthrob, great career)? Is it time to leave one (dumpy dingbat, crummy career)? And, how, exactly can we get one of those lives that are portrayed in the movies? You know the ones.

There you are, all young and beautiful and newly despondent because your love has left you for a long-legged protégé but you console yourself by somehow having enough money to travel to a romantic, sunny European country on holiday where you marvel at how wonderful your hair looks in the non-humid, seaside air and you spontaneously buy a vineyard and live out your lifelong fantasy of writing cookbooks. Sigh…if only real-life dream careers tended to work like that.

As a career counsellor, I know there are some great (and, admittedly not-so-great) books out there on how to work towards a great career. The problem is many women would rather clean under their kitchen sinks, than read a book about career management.

I don’t blame them. A glass of red wine (or indeed, tackling the scary, greeblies hidden under the kitchen sink) seems so much more appealing after a hard day at a job you’re not really crazy about. It can be difficult to feel energetic enough to turn to a career book full of self-assessment quizzes and assignments on finding your “passion”.

Here’s a tip I use to make the process of figuring out your career a little less dry: finding a great career is a lot like finding a great romantic relationship. Start by thinking about what’s on your wish list.

Just like in romance, once you might have been happy if you found a cute butt. And while “cute butt” job might have cut it a few years ago, maybe it’s just not enough any more. Allow yourself to dream the dream, even if you can’t pursue it right this minute.

Also, here are some other (admittedly superficial) but fun ways to inspire your career journey:

1) Try picturing your dream job as (fill in Hollywood Heart Throb’s name here). It’s hard to feel uninspired about working towards your career goals if it’s aligned with Hollywood Heart Throb (HHT) isn’t it?

2) Even if a career move isn’t in the cards for you right now, picture your current job as (lesser but still amazingly sexy Hollywood Heart Throb). Pick an even more attractive HHT to symbolize your dream career.

3) Try to re-commit to what’s great about your current job while still taking small, frequent actions to help you work towards your dream job.

4) Stay focused on the fabulousness that is your current or dream career by creating a screensaver, clipping a photo from a magazine or chanting your HTT’s name under your breath while you’re doing the least-favourite part of your present job.

Of course, women think and talk about more than careers and relationships. But approaching your career like a romantic relationship might help you stop sitting on the side of the road to your dream career and start taking some action. All that action leads to great career prospects on the horizon.

And that’s a lot more fun than cleaning under the kitchen sink.

Christine Fader works as a career counsellor and is the author of the new book, Career Cupid: Your Guide to Landing and Loving Your Dream Job (Writing on Stone Press, 2009). Contact her through www.careercupid.com

Interviewing like a REAL Dummy

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:29:00 +0000

You’ve probably heard of the Dummies” series of books: “Windows Vista for Dummies”, for example. (I’m still waiting for new ones in the series that might be useful for me including: “Sushi for dummies”, “Recycling for dummies” and “Mother-daughter communication for dummies”… )

Last week, I had an interview and it felt as if I was Exhibit A in a book called, “Interviewing Like A Dummy” (not a real dummies book, by the way!) Have you ever have those moments where your native language suddenly feels as if it’s your first day with new words?

I was at the national conference for the Canadian Association of Career Educators and Employers (CACEE) last week in Vancouver, promoting my book, Career Cupid – Your Guide to Landing and Loving Your Dream Job and doing a conference presentation. On Tuesday, my colleague Cathy Keates (author of, Not for Sale! Why We Need a New Job Search Mindset) and I got a call to interview with a radio station in Kingston during their morning show.

That meant that last Wednesday morning, at the evil hour of 5:15 am we were huddled in our respective pjs in my hotel room, waiting for “the call”. Groggy, we spent a couple of minutes conversing with each other in our gravelly morning voices, then the phone rang and we switched from pjs into professional mode as the radio station morning show interview got underway.

The hosts, Brian and Shauna from FLY-FM were amazingly bubbly and articulate (admittedly, they had been awake much longer and no doubt had a few lattes under their belts), making us feel right at home as we answered questions about our respective books and career advice. A few, short minutes later, we were finished and hung up, relieved. But as we had a short re-cap of how things went, I seemed to recall only the the bad stuff--the places where I knew I hadn't done a great job of actually answering a question. For example, in my head, the re-cap sounded something like this:

Radio show hosts: “So, Christine, what kind of things can a person do who is unhappy in his/her job and trying to find a new career?”

Me: (a.k.a. Obi-inarticulate-Wan) “Well, really, there are just so many things a person can do…and um…my advice is for people to do those many things…um…as soon as possible because…um…many things are what are most useful for most people to…um…do.”

Yep. I felt as if I was completely inarticulate and not specific at all! Somehow, all the great, vivid information and examples I knew so well, just…evaporated into the Vancouver sunrise.

In my work with clients, we talk a lot about how to navigate these sometimes stressful work conversations. What I was reminded today is that no matter how prepared you think you are, interview questions can leave you feeling as this is your first day speaking a new language. And no matter how experienced you are, interviewing can sometimes feel very unsettling, even to a career coach! Brian and Shauna at the FLY-FM morning show were the consummate professionals, making interviewing (and their interviewees) look incredibly graceful.

Then again, I have a feeling neither of them was wearing pajamas…

Have you had interview moments in which you wish you could press “rewind” and start over? Are you remembering things accurately or just being hard on yourself? Do you have a great strategy for overcoming inopportune brain vacations and nervous jitters? I’d love to hear your stories.

Wishing you “happily ever after” at work,

Christine

(also known as Career Cupid)

Tiaras and Pink Cowboy Boots

noreply@blogger.com (Christine Fader, Career Cupid) — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 14:33:00 +0000

Growing up, my sister was the girly girl of the family. For as long as I can remember, she was the one who always wanted the ring made out of paste that cost 25 cents at the store. She was the one cutting her dolls’ hair (and frequently, her own) with her paper scissors. I was the sister who hated getting her hair brushed (maybe because our mother was one of those tuggy-pully hair brushing people) and was more likely to be found hiding under the covers with my nose in a book.

Still, something must have happened to me as I grew up. The girly tendencies seem to have blossomed in my 30s. I mean look at me! I have a website with a liberal amount of pink on it, and I have two…count ‘em…TWO pink rooms in my house. (In case you're interested, one is kind of retro 70s flower power pink and the other one is kind of shabby chic pink...oh, you're not interested? But what's the fun of a 'blog if you can't go off on incredibly self-indulgent tangents?)I’m inexplicably drawn to the Pottery Barn Kids store like a moth to a flame…and I have not a single child on which to lavish all the cool stuff from there.

Sure, I wear rubber boots with pink and purple daisies on them and I drive a kid-friendly classic VW Beetle, and I have a doll house sitting on my dining room table (yes, I have the world’s most tolerant husband), but I still have to behave…well…like a quasi grown-up in most of my working life.

In keeping with my following of all things girly and kid-like, I went to Meg Cabot’s website yesterday. She’s the mega-prolific author who wrote such bestsellers as The Princess Diaries. I go there to drool and sigh and dream about being a best-selling author with a house in the Florida Keys, New York and all the other cool places Meggie the Magnificent has houses. When I saw the hot pink cowboy boots and tiara she was sporting in her website picture, I was envious. Imagine getting paid to write goofy stories for 8-12 year old girls! Tiaras and pink cowboy boots are her work uniform.

What’s your ideal work uniform? Do you dream about Armani suits or flip flops or maybe even a sparkly tiara? Maybe we can shop together…