Cura Animarum

To You, O God, We Turn For Peace

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 21:06:00 +0000

"To you, O God, we turn
for peace...But grant us
too the blessed assurance
that nothing shall
deprive us of that peace,
neither ourselves,
nor our foolish
earthly desires."

- Soren Kierkegaard

Peace and God Bless,

CA

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

When I Was Five

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 20:20:00 +0000

It's my birthday today, 42 years have passed since I set forth on this pilgrim journey. Some days it seems like an entire lifetime ago, most days it seems like an accidental blink of the eye, like a spot of dust or a stray eyelash got in there and while I sat on the floor in the midst of my Legos, I somehow grew up.

It's become a personal tradition actually, for me to look back at my life and wonder if I feel any different at all. How old a tradition is it? When I was five years old my mom woke me up on my birthday and asked me if I felt any older. I thought about it for awhile and, smiling from ear to ear said, "Nope, not a bit!".

I've been asking myself the same question every single year since, and the answer's always the same. Maybe I like to sleep a bit more, maybe my back hurts a bit when I get a cold or the weather changes. I can drive now and I buy my own groceries and no one tells me I have to go to bed when the sun is still up. Still, me, who I am...that guy still feels the same...the same as when I was five. Melissa tells me that explains a lot.

So who was that little boy who blinked and grew up?

- he had just learned to ride a two-wheeler without training wheels and was still a little drunk on the freedom of it all.

- he had a huge set of Tinker Toys and loved to build the biggest structure he possibly could using every single piece. Then he would lie in the middle of it all and just stare up at the ceiling with a grin.

- he loved playing with Legos too. His favorite things were building castles (again, using most every piece he could find) and laser guns! "Pew-Pew! Gottcha!"

- his favorite thing was walking to the store with his grandma to buy mojos with the change he found in the drier, or on the sidewalk. Sometimes we would snack on wild raspberries if they were ready. Yum!

- he thought the world was an amazing, magical place. His days were spent trying to figure it all out from morning to night; How do birds fly? What part of a bee stings? How hard do you have to throw a rock to get it into outer space? Why do so many cool bugs live under rocks anyways? Why does the day have to end?

- he would often stop what he was doing; if he was playing, watching TV, walking down the street, making castles in the sandbox, looking out the car window on a clear night when the moon was full and seemed to take up half the sky - and just stare up into the sky and grin, from ear to ear because he knew that whatever joy he was experiencing right there and then, was being shared with a friend he had never seen, but who had never left his side, and never would.

Today I sit here, asking myself that same question my mom did when I was five. Do I feel any different? I still love the amazing freedom of riding my two-wheeler without training wheels, lying on the floor and grinning at the home Melissa and I have built together makes me grin, Lego lasers are as fun as ever and never run out of ammo, I found a retro candy store in town this year and was over-joyed that they had mojos...grandma was too I'm sure as she watched from on high, the world has grown more wondrous, magical and awe-inspiring with passing day, and I sit here right now, staring up at the heavens and grinning from ear to ear because I know that this day, as all of my days, is being shared with a friend whom I have not yet seen, but who has never, ever left my side and never, ever will.

Do I feel any different at 42 than I did at 5?

Nope! Not a bit!

Peace and God Bless,

CA

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Advent - From Darkness Into Light

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 21:45:00 +0000

Yeah, it's been forever. The long and short is not so long or short but suffice it to say that this lowly soul who has been walking in darkness is definitely in need of "a great light". Thankfully my Lord and God seems to know what I need way better, and well before I ever do (go figure divine omnipotence...and merciful love!). Fall was rough for a variety of reasons but already there is light beginning to shine. For those who know me, blogging silence often means one of two things, life has gotten away from me, or I'm down that darker road again...and one often leads to the other. (ok so that could be considered three things.)

I have been wanting to fire up the creative blogging juices again though, which is a great sign in and of itself and what better time to do that than at the start of a new Church year. I'll probably have something more reflective up shortly but for the time being, this little video cuaght my eye the other day with it's challenge to 'join the conspiracy!'. And who doesn't love a good Advent conspiracy?

Seek Us, O Lord

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 22:26:00 +0000

I had a dream the other day that someone whom I love very much was lost. I spent the whole dream searching and searching and my heart felt like it was gong to break in two. I think God must find himself feeling like that quite a bit, but I'm glad He never stops;

O Lord, seek us,
O Lord, find us in thy patient care;
Be thy love before,
Behind us,
'Round us,
Everywhere.

- Christina Rosetti (1830-1894)

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Dragon Fly Haiku

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 20:53:00 +0000

A Beautiful And Welcome Backyard Guest

For as long as I can remember, I've always been fascinated and entranced by Anisoptera, those amazing, and prehistorically beautiful summer creatures. In the last week, there's been a hatch and the skies are filled with the papery buzz and bejeweled gleaming of these warriors on the wing.

Bright golden gleaming

Dancing amid waves of green

Freedom on the wing

Peace and God Bless,

Give Me, O God, Your Peace

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 14:30:00 +0000

Loved this little prayer today. Can always use just a little more of your peace Lord;

Give me, O God,
Your peace.
Look to my slumber
In your mercy
And comfort me
In my sorrow.
And comfort my
Sick neighbor too.

- Matthias Claudius (1740-1815)

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Prayer From The Dead Sea

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 14:30:00 +0000

Drew this little gem out from from my prayer deck today. A blessing prayer discovered amid the scrolls of Qumran;

May the Lord bless you...
May He give light to your heart
With loving wisdom
And be gracious to you
With eternal knowledge;
May He lift up His loving
Countenance upon you
For eternal peace.

+Amen

- Dead Sea Scrolls (c. 150 BC - 70 AD)

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

7 Reasons to Read My Blog

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 21:01:00 +0000

Maybe it's boredom, or maybe it's just that the weather is finally sunny and hot, and it doesn't stay like this for very long. It might be a cry for attention (probably), a cry for help (most definitely), or maybe it's because
I've wanted to do a post like this for awhile, if only because I find #1 so bizarre, in a humbling, hilarious sort of way. (Don't skip to the end though or you'll spoil the surprise!)

Whatever the reason, I've compiled my top 7 most popular blog posts of all time. Why seven? mostly because after that, they just get ridiculous...though you might feel I should have stopped at 2 or three. Regardless, here they are, the top seven reasons you should stop what you're doing right this minute, and read this blog;

#7 - You Like Salty Sea-Faring Tales From The Land-Locked Prairies

Several years ago I became aware of the most remarkable and tragic story of Tom Sukanen, a Fin who settled the prairies at the turn of the 20th century. A larger than life tragic hero who dreamed of sailing home one day. I've seen his ship, standing majestically above the amber waves of the Saskatchewan countryside and found myself surprised, befuddled, and ultimately enamoured by the the kind of passion and single-minded drive that can fuel the human spirit. The story itself is one of just such passion, but also just how mean-spirited others can be...especially when their own hope has been torn from their grasp. If you're up for a good Saskatchewan sailor's yarn...anchor's away!

Saskatchewan's Other Ark; The Tragic Tale of the Sukanen Ship

#6 - You Find Yourself As Confused and Over-joyed As I Do At God's Prodigal Generosity

When I hold up the entirety of the path my life has been on against the overwhelming love, mercy and protection God has continued to show me. I am humbled and amazed in ways that are very difficult to put into words...but I tried to in this post, that began as a reflection on the readings of Mass one particularly difficult morning;

Cain's Mark And All I Have To Offer

#5 -You Like Adaptations Of Yupi'k Folktales (Or Cartoon Pictures Of Clouds)

I was looking for a story to tell with our Sacraments of Initiation families that combined themes of the Holy Spirit, wind and gifts. Half a day of searching the internet brought me to a story with it's roots in Alaskan aboriginal tribes. As with most Native North American tales, Raven has a central role. I adapted the tale to fit with the Christian characters of Adam and Eve and it seemed to work quite well. Looking at the stats for this post though, it seems to me that most people visiting are more interested in the cartoon cloud image than a wonderful story to tell their kids, or parish families. Still, you might enjoy it;

God's Gift of Wind - A Folktale of Spirit and Gift

#4 - You're Thirsty

In 2008 I was asked to lead a series of lunch-time reflections at a (now closed) local center for spirituality and prayer during Lent. One particular week was on the Samaritan Woman at the Well. Praying with and reflecting on the gospel itself was quite a powerful experience and the reflection I gave was so well received, I decided to share it here. Also, in looking for a good graphic for the post, I discovered the Icon work of Chinese artist He Qi. I love pretty much everything he does!

Jesus and The Samaritan Woman at the Well

#3 - It's Thanksgiving And Your Dinner Just Won't Be Complete Without A Decent Haiku

I've loved writing Haiku since I first learned the 5/7/5 pattern in grade 7. It's one of those poetic forms that sticks in your head and, after writing just a couple, I find that my brain starts thinking about everything in haiku form. I end up going on little haiku stints for awhile where I just can't help myself. I know, Weird. This is the result of just such a 'haiku bender'. Imagine my surprise when I started to notice jumps in visits right around the Canadian and American Thanksgivings. Turns out...lots of people simply must have a haiku to share at their family feasts. Who knew?

Thanksgiving Haiku

#2 - You're Looking For A Sign From God

Every now and then I get worried that people on the internet are ignoring me at their own peril. (that never happens to other bloggers does it?), so I try to come up with gimmicks to make you want to read my blog more. (like a 'you gotta read my blog' list?). This one post was supposed to be the start of a regular 'Funny Church Signs' gimmick. Unfortunately I have the attention span of the two-year-old beagle and I never followed up with future signs, which is unfortunate precisely because it appears a lot of people got a kick out of this one;

Give us a Sign!

And here it is...the moment you've been waiting for. (You HAVE been waiting right? If you just skipped to the bottom to see #1 you better scroll right back to the top and slug through the others like the rest of us did buster!)

The #1 reason you should read my blog is...

You Just Can't Get Enough Mandalas To Print And Color!

This is really just a crazy and sometimes frustrating post. I wrote it near the start of my Spiritual Direction training after a very interesting and creative weekend. I thought to myself,"Wow, I never really appreciated how deeply God can work through the creative gifts we've all been graced with...someone should really share these profound spiritual insights on a blog." - and I did. Weeks passed and I began to notice an undeniable, very significant jump in traffic. Checking the stats revealed a seemingly endless string of hits on this one page. Further examination revealed a common search term for most all of them; 'mandalas to print and color'.

It doesn't seem to matter which search engine you're using, if you're looking for printable mandalas to color at home...I'm your guy. Hundreds of hits every week. Not from people seeking my deep philosophical, spiritual and theological insights. Not from people enamored by the latest prayer I've posted, story I've shared, or snippet of my life I've farmed out for their voyeuristic pleasure...just a secret global hunger for spiral-graph type designs to color in their free time. Sometimes I get just discouraged enough to want to remove this post forever, most times I just laugh...at myself.

God certainly knows how to keep me humble...and how to keep the rest of you busy! Seriously, if you're at home or at work and it suddenly seems like everyone's gotten quiet, sneak a peak around the corner. I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts they've got my blog open on their computer screen, while they're hunched over their desk with a box of crayons spilled out in front of them, scribbling like mad and trying to find their colorful, soulful center.

Apparently it's all the rage.

Peace and God Bless,

CA

A Day Of Good Things

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 16:30:00 +0000

Yesterday was a very busy day for me. Not much like a day off at all. Today though is wonderfully relaxing, and I'm feeling very blessed by it. I have a batch of wine that's almost ready to bottle (a green apple reisling that I'm very excited about), and some yard work to do but both winemaking and puttering in the yard are brings I love to do so they aren't like work at all. The rest of our 31 C day will be spent in the yard soaking up some rays and getting caught up on my summer reading project.

It's also the first official long weekend of the summer both for us Canucks who celebrated Canada Day in Friday, and for our American brothers and sisters who's Independence Day celebrations have most likely been carrying through the whole weekend, and will culminate tomorrow.

All-in-all a perfect Sabbath, a perfect day, and the perfect time for this wonderful prayer;

Lord God, we bless You
and are filled with gratitude for the numerous gifts,
and the countless blessings,
that come to us from You.

Your blessings come in times of joy,
in times of victory, in success and honor,
and they come as well in times of pain and sorrow,
in sickness and defeat.
Your blessings, however, come always as life.

We take pleasure in the fruit of your creation,
in the earthen blessings
of fish and bird, tree and flower,
each the harvest of Your Divine heart.

We take delight in our eyes,
in our ears, arms and legs.
We find joy in holidays and vacations,
and in our work as well.
We thanks You, Lord of Gifts,
for friendships, family and fun.
In winning and losing -
in being last as well as first -
we take relish in the challenge and adventure
of your great gift of life.

Lord, we thank-you for all the gifts
that flow fully, day and night,
into our lives.

Today, with full hearts,
in the company of Jesus, Mary
and all of your saints,
we bless You for all the good that has come to us.

Blessed are you, Lord our God,
who in the richness of Your Divine love,
blesses us with good things.

Amen+

Edward Hays "Prayers for the Domestic Church"

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

In Your Light We See Light

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 21:23:00 +0000

Today is the Solemnity of The Sacred Heart Jesus. While paying the Office of Readings for this solemn feast, traditionally celebrated on the Friday after Corpus Christi, I was really moved by the reflection offered by St. Bonaventure. I love the idea of the Church having been formed and conferred with the Spirit's grace and love from the wound in Christ's side as he slept upon the cross. It's so profoundly reminiscent of the creation of Eve from the rib taken from the side of Adam as he slept. I really love the way those Old Testament themes come full-circle in Christ.

From a work by Saint Bonaventure, bishop

Take thought now, redeemed man, and consider how great and worthy is he who hangs on the cross for you. His death brings the dead to life, but at his passing heaven and earth are plunged into mourning and hard rocks are split asunder.

It was a divine decree that permitted one of the soldiers to open his sacred side with a lance. This was done so that the Church might be formed from the side of Christ as he slept the sleep of death on the cross, and so that the Scripture might be fulfilled: They shall look on him whom they pierced. The blood and water which poured out at that moment were the price of our salvation. Flowing from the secret abyss of our Lord’s heart as from a fountain, this stream gave the sacraments of the Church the power to confer the life of grace, while for those already living in Christ it became a spring of living water welling up to life everlasting.

Arise, then, beloved of Christ! Imitate the dove that nests in a hole in the cliff, keeping watch at the entrance like the sparrow that finds a home. There like the turtledove hide your little ones, the fruit of your chaste love. Press your lips to the fountain, draw water from the wells of your Savior; for this is the spring flowing out of the middle of paradise, dividing into four rivers, inundating devout hearts, watering the whole earth and making it fertile.

Run with eager desire to this source of life and light, all you who are vowed to God’s service. Come, whoever you may be, and cry out to him with all the strength of your heart. “O indescribable beauty of the most high God and purest radiance of eternal light! Life that gives all life, light that is the source of every other light, preserving in everlasting splendor the myriad flames that have shone before the throne of your divinity from the dawn of time! Eternal and inaccessible fountain, clear and sweet stream flowing from a hidden spring, unseen by mortal eye! None can fathom your depths nor survey your boundaries, none can measure your breadth, nothing can sully your purity. From you flows the river which gladdens the city of God and makes us cry out with joy and thanksgiving in hymns of praise to you, for we know by our own experience that with you is the source of life, and in your light we see light.

Peace and God Bless

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Summer Reading

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Last year in our parish I began to implement a particular Bible Study program that I had heard interesting things about from a few different people. I
have to confess to being pretty blown away by the response to this program. I'm not generally one to use things 'out of the box', and confess that I've made my own minor adjustments even to this, but when you have people who have never read the Bible...some even who have never gone to Church, chomping at the bit to know more and more after their initial exposure. It's kind of hard to argue with.

I'n a nutshell The Great Adventure Bible Study takes the 73 books of the bible, divides them into 12 specific time periods and then identifies the 14 books of Scripture that follow the central, narrative story from Genesis through to the Acts of the Apostles. At the same time it shows how every other book fits into, is related to, and can be understood through the lens of these 14 narrative ones.

Taken in bites of four chapters a day, you could read through the whole story of the Bible in 90 days...and actually be able to follow the story. It's truly brilliant...and not at all brand new. Many of the earliest Fathers of the Church suggested similar ways of introducing people to this amazing story.

I've taken dozens of undergrad and graduate courses in Scripture examining each section and each book in detail, yet I've never read the Bible this way before. I have started to now. In fact, it's become one of my summer projects and I'm loving it so far. In all honesty, it is the best Bible reading plan I have ever encountered. The 14 books, if you want to join me;

Genesis
Exodus
Numbers
Joshua
Judges
1 & 2 Samuel
1 & 2 Kings
Ezra
Nehemiah
1 Maccabees
Luke
Acts

And a prayer from one of our Church Fathers that is perfect for setting the stage for breaking open this Sacred Word;

Lord, inspire me to read your Scriptures and to meditate upon them day and night. I beg you to give me real understanding of what I need, that I in turn may put its precepts into practice. Yet, I know that understanding and good intentions are worthless, unless rooted in your graceful love. So I ask that the words of Scripture may also be not just signs on a page, but channels of grace into my heart. Amen. - Origen (c. 185-254)

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The Rule of Saint Whatever-My-Name-Is

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:06:00 +0000

The Praying Monk from Sanctuary on Camelback Mountain

It's been close to six weeks since I began seriously looking at how to integrate a deeper monastic rythm in my life. Using Robert Benson's 'A Good Life: Benedict's Guide to Everyday Joy' and The Rule of St. Benedict as guides, I have been methodically de-constructing and re-constituting my daily patterns in the hope of, well, living better, living a more grounded, holy, sacred life. You can follow how this all unfolded here;

Getting My Bells Rung

On A Wing And A Prayer

The Seventh Room

You Have Been Waiting All Along

A God Of Many Hats

My question now is "How has it gone?" Have I succeeded? Is it better? Am I better? Have I actually moved closer to my goal?

The answer...hmmm...I think so.

I find I am looking at my life differently. Purposefully. With intention. It used to be that evening would come and I would find myself wondering what happened. The day would pass and I would feel I had missed it all. I can see why it was that those early monastic communities were moved to develop a variety of clocks. The very awareness that is required to force oneself to stop one's own work and enter into the Work of God, seems to naturally result in a profound awareness of the passage of time. Each second, each moment I am here. Now I am here. Now here.

This brings me to what I've found to be the most valuable tool of the whole process. Benson mentions early in his book that when he gives retreats he starts be first inviting participants to write out or keep track of the rhythms of their own days. He never goes into detail regarding what process to use in doing this, so I just made something up;

6:30am

Tweeting @Virtual_Abbey morning prayer

6:45am

Shower and get ready for work

7:30am

Pray Invitatory and Office of Readings

8:00am

Go to work

8:30am

Check emails and respond

9:00am

Some light article reading

10:00am

Tea with Melissa and Fran

10:30am

Pray Morning Office

11:00am

Begin tidying office/watch final Bible Timeline DVD

11:45am

Lunch...which was really driving Melissa to her hair apt and Logan downtown.

12:30pm

Stop in park to pray Midday prayer

1:00pm

Back at the Church to dig up a rose bush

1:30pm

Continue cleaning my office/begin reviewing Matthew DVD

2:30pm

Snack break with Melissa

3:00pm

Complete office cleaning for the day

3:15pm

Respond to more emails

3:30pm

Complete daily log from yesterday and begin today up to now ;o)

3:50pm

Get supper and gift

4:30pm

Go home

5:00pm

Supper and TV with Melissa and Logan

6:15pm

Plant roses and get sprinklers going

6:30pm

Walk Oliver and pray Evening prayer

7:00pm

Home to scan photo, clean out personal email folder, forward stuff to myself on my iPad. Clean kitchen,

8:00pm

check FB and Twitter and read some articles. Send some messages to a few tweeps.

9:00pm

Maintain this log some more then read a bit more from 'A Good Life'. I may also read over the second reading from this morning's Office of Readings. It was good.

It was extremely simple and mundane but it did the trick. It forced me to become aware. I found that VERY quickly (within a few days), I was developing a new kind of rhythm in my day. Just watching my life unfold instigated change to occur. And the change wasn't all that drastic. I found that God and I already had a pattern and rhythm, a few minor tweaks here, an adjustment there and before I knew it everything had a different flavor.

That's perhaps the most difficult thing to describe. I know I struggled with my Spiritual Director when she asked. What exactly is different?

The key is in the prayer. Benedict was a spiritual genius when he made the repetitive, psalm-focused prayer of the Divine Office or Work of God, the core of his Rule. one of the things I always tell people is that God is fully and really present in His Word, and wherever God is present, transformation occurs - people, places and things are never the same again.

The patterned and purposeful practice of praying with God's Word in the psalms of the Office not only brings me into God's presence in that moment...but infuses all subsequent moments with that same awareness. It's often subtle, but it is amazing to find myself walking with God out from His Work and into my own...which has suddenly become His work too!

All other aspects of the Rule flow out of and back into this central, spiritual practice of regulating one's day, and following the natural rhythms of one's life so that prayer becomes the focus and all other movements; times of rest, time with others, time at workflow out of and back into these periods of prayer.

Most difficult for me has been those days when my usual schedule is blown to bits. Un-planned...anything, and suddenly I find myself in a tailspin with prayer one of the first things to go. This is where it really hits home that I am not a monk. I know...do I really need someone to tell me that? Here's where Benson's words at the end of his book really hit home;

"The people who really live lives that are regulated by the Rule of Benedict are those who have been called to live a particular sort of life, and have taken vows to do so...you are going to remain in the world, like most of us...you can live a life that is influenced by the Rule of Benedict, but not under it. If you do not have a uniform, so to speak, you cannot be on the team."

Benedict's own prescriptions on how the rhythm of the Work of God is allowed to shift as the needs of the community, and the seasons ebb and flow through the year also come to play here.

There will be days, like these long and largely free 'glory days' of summer where I find that I am drawn into the Office three or four or five times through the day. These days fill me with an almost retreat-like peace as though I truly am walking that monastic path. There will also be times where I am more like one of Benedict's 'monks on the road', traveling from this point to that and realizing that the whole Office with all of its hours, every prayer, every hymn, every psalm...just doesn't fit. At those times I need to remember that it is the effort of stopping and lifting my heart and mind to God itself that is the most vital Work I can do and if it is for the span of one psalm, one verse, one antiphon or even a "Lord Help Me!" for that time and place...it is enough.

My favorite part was found right at the end. Remember in my first post on the topic when I remarked that "...what I really needed was a 'Rule of Cura Animarum'. I need something that can fit into my life, or have my life fit into it."? As I am turning the last pages of Benson's book what do I find my self staring at, and chuckling at so that Melissa turns to me in bed and asks what the heck is so funny?

'...a young man said to me, "How do I live my life as a Benedictine?" "You cannot get there from here", I told him. "If you want to live your life entirely by the Rule of Saint Benedict, then you will have to go and join them...You can live by another rule though...the Rule of Saint Whatever-Your-Name-Is.'

My Lord and God, your sense of humor and great patience never cease to astound me. I have been greatly humbled by a gift I was too afraid to expect...the answer to a prayer whispered only very quietly in my heart. A prayer for help, for a guide, for a Rule of Life that fits with my life and that my life can fit into. I may stumble in its following, and may get distracted enough off of the path that I find myself "making satisfaction to God in the Oratory", and my biggest concern right now is what happens come fall when my life picks up its pace again. But I know you walk with me, and for now, I revel in this great gift of a rule just for me...Saint Whatever-My-Name-Is. Thanks be to God!

Peace and God Bless,

CA

A Blessing For Father's Day

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 13:00:00 +0000

Way back when my wife and I first came into the Church, our sponsor at the time gave to us a copy of Edward Hays' "Prayers for the Domestic Church". It has been the most well-used gift in our entire lives. At every occasion one of us will ask, "Don't we have a prayer for that?" and sure enough, Hays always does.

Things aren't great between my dad and I. I wish they were better, different. But they aren't and there's not much I can do about that. Yet I love him still and if he suddenly had a change of heart I would gladly pray over him, or even just share a beer. As it is, I know space, and time and frustrating human foibles are no barrier to prayer and the movements of the Spirit. If your soul is listening dad, this is for you;

Blessed are you, Lord and Father of All Life,
Who has given to me
The gift of a father.
Today I honor him,
And I thank you for the numerous good things
That are mine because of him.
His love for me
Has been a sign of your Divine Affection
And a sharing in your Holy Love.
His concern for my needs and welfare
At times has been a mirror of you Holy Providence.
And so as I honor him,
I praise you, the Father of All Peoples.

Bless him this day
With your strength and holy power
That he may be a sign of you, our God,
And a priestly parent to my family.
May all of us, who have the honor of bearing his family name
Do so with great pride.
May we assist him in his holy duties as a parent
With our obedience,
Our respect,
And our deepest affection.

Bless him, Lord,
With happiness and good health,
With peace and with good fortune,
So he who shared of his life
That I might live,
May live forever with you,
His God, and his Heavenly Father.

Dad,
May you, on this Father's Day,
Be blessed by God
And by my love for you.
Amen.

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
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A God Of Many Hats

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 14:00:00 +0000

"The Lord waits for us daily to translate into action, as we should, His holy teachings."

"Every time you begin a good work you must pray to him most earnestly to bring it to perfection."

"Serve one another in love, for such service increases reward and fosters love."

"If there are any artisans among us, they are to practice their craft with all humility."

"Remember that with His good gifts that are in us, we must obey Him at all times."

- The Rule of St. Benedict

Benson begins his section on Benedict's treatment of work in the Rule speaking about the many 'hats' he is called to wear. I too have been gifted, or had thrust upon me, a number of hats to wear. A new one for every occasion!

Father, husband, Pastoral worker, leader of prayer, theologian, Spiritual Director, Lawn Mower, Car Maintainer, Laundry Technician, IT Technician at the parish, 'Dad I've got another computer virus' Technician at home (didn't we learn in the 80's that adding 'technician' or 'specialist' after a job makes it sound respectable? Important?), Family Chef, Official Dog Walker...

It's a lot of hats.

It's easy to get lost amid a pile of hats like that, and we're encouraged to do just that; lose ourselves in it all. It's often the first thing someone new asks me (something I almost never do) "what do you do?" which of course is their way of politely asking "How do you make money?" while at the same time asking the even less polite "How important are you really?".

I found myself cured of that habit quite unexpectedly a number of years ago. I remember as my studies were drawing to a close, I had just spoken to the diocese back home and been told of a particular position they had in mind for me when we returned. It had a big, fancy and important sounding name. I couldn't wait to tell my classmates!

It must have sounded like a pretty big deal because no sooner had I shared it, then one of them insisted on announcing it to the rest of the class. Several of my fellow student smiled, duly impressed but it was my wise professor who brought me back to earth when he remarked in a loud, comically impressed whisper, "Oooo, that sounds important!"

Touché Lord, touché.

Benedict has a piece of advice for those of us who feel it is our work that makes us bigger, better, more important, more respected persons; "when one becomes puffed up by his(or her) skillfulness...and feels they are conferring something on the monastery...he is to be removed from practicing his craft and not allowed to resume it..."

Benedict's mantra throughout the rule is summed up here I think, "It's not about you. It's never about you.". And if it starts to be about you, you need to step away.

The question to ask really is "Why do I do what I do?" whatever it is. Why do I go to meetings, advise committees, lead prayer, worship and Bible Studies? Why do I cook nice meals for my family, walk the dog, take out the trash and organize the recycling?

This question of 'why' is the most important question I can ask myself.

And if the answer is anything else besides, "To give glory and honor and thanks to God, and to build His Kingdom here and now." I have to step back. Re-evaluate. Re-consider.

"Hour by hour keep careful watch on all that you do, aware that god's gaze is upon you, wherever you may be." Benedict's reminder should be pasted right above every doorway I walk through during the course of a day. It is a Shema-like call to remember, in every moment what I am about. Whether preacher, or dad, dog walker, or husband...I am above all, my Father's servant. It is a clarion call to remember that, in every moment whether I am leading a Bible Study and helping someone to finally understand God's saving Word, or hacking away the stubborn weeds that choke out the area behind my garage, I do it all under the gaze of my Heavenly Father.

Benson includes a quote from one of my other favorite spiritual writers, Brother Lawrence who speaks about this idea in his own, unique an humble way; "I am as much at prayer in the clatter and the noise of my kitchen, as I would be after an hour on my knees before the Blessed Sacrament."

All of these hats, the grandiose and the humble, the magical and the mundane, are Sacramental invitations to give the real Work of God, those times of prayer and rest and community that I have tried to put my focus on, the flesh and blood of my Lord and my God. These are the hats of the Christ who was carpenter, and priest, wandering teacher and divine healer, who echoed his Father's concern for the sparrow, and the widow, the grass of the fields, and the children in need of his embrace.

He is Lord of Lord's, and King of kings. He too is a God of many hats.

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
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Come Holy Spirit!

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 12:00:00 +0000

Over the past couple of years I've found myself growing in my appreciation of just how intimately connected to my life the Holy Spirit is. I've felt her power moving in the amazing trust and sharing of my directees, in the choices and actions that put myself or others in exactly the right place at the right time, in her obvious confirmations that I have been on the right path moving into and walking closer to my Father's will. I have felt her consoling touch, that deeply needed loving embrace, comforting me in times of sorrow, poverty and desperation, and granting me a compassionate heart with which to share in Her consoling work with those she places in my life.

On this Feast of Pentecost, this birthday of the Church, I feel the powerful invitation to lift up my heart and soul with the whole of the Body of Christ and pray "Come, Holy Spirit! Come, consoling Spirit! Come, protecting Spirit! Come!"

Prayer for the Indwelling of the Spirit

"Holy Spirit, powerful Consoler, sacred Bond of the Father and the Son, Hope of the afflicted, descend into my heart and establish in it your loving dominion. Enkindle in my tepid soul the fire of your Love so that I may be wholly subject to you. We believe that when you dwell in us, yolu also prepare a dwelling for the Father and the Son. Deign, therefore, to come to me, Consoler of abandoned souls, and Protector of the needy. Help the afflicted, strengthen the weak, and support the wavering. Come and purify me. Let no evil desire take possession of me. You love the humble and resist the proud. Come to me, glory of the living, and hope of the dying. Lead me by your grace that I may always be pleasing to you. Amen." - Saint Augustine of Hippo

Have a grace-filled Feast Day. I'm off to an Outdoor Mass and parish picnic where rumor has it the fire of the Spirit has a hotdog with my name on it!

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
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You Have Been Waiting All Along

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 15:06:00 +0000

"See how the Lord in His love shows us the way of life. Show equal love to everyone....All guests who present themselves are to be welcomed as Christ. Great care and concern are to be shown in receiving poor people and pilgrims, because in them more particularly is Christ received.

Christ is to be adored because he is indeed welcomed in them.

There must be no word or sign of the evil of grumbling, no manifestation of it for any reason at all...Never give a hollow greeting of peace or turn away when someone needs your love...let us set out on this way, with the Gospel for our guide, that we may deserve to see him who has called us to his kingdom." - Rule of St. Benedict

When Benedict speaks to the Abbots of his communities he reminds them that they hold the place of Christ in the monastery. I have no monastery, no walls confine my religious life but the reality is very much as I had mentioned before...I am in the process of determining a personal Rule. In that sense, I am monastery, monk and Abbot all rolled into one. I am called to stand in the midst of all of those whom I will receive through my day and "hold the place of Christ".

A tall and humbling order and one that can only effectively be done in complete humility. I am not called to be Christ the Regal King, Not Christ the Self-Inflated Divine Son, Not Christ the Overly Pious High Priest. This is a calling to humility, to humble service...true humble service. This is an invitation to participate in the vocation of the Good Shepherd, caring for, guarding, protecting, and above all, loving.

"All guests who present themselves are to be welcomed as Christ"...Benedict's words pierce me. They continue to reverberate through my soul and echo through my days. For weeks now I've been making the attempt to live this way, in perpetual adoration of the Christ who suddenly appears before me. Christ ringing the doorbell five minutes before supper, Christ on the phone (doesn't he know introverts hate phones?!), Christ at the grocery store, Christ grieving in my office as we prepare the funeral for one of His beloved, Christ wanting to sit and share tea without regard for all I have yet to accomplish in my day.

This perpetual adoration is like sweet honey to my soul, but it's exhausting too. To be Christ and to see Christ in all, with all, and for all. It's intimidating, this kind of radical hospitality and it makes me nervous. What if He takes too much? What if it's not the right time or place for me and what I need? What if I get distracted and forget, for a moment or two that this child, my child with all her demands and desires for my time and energy, that she too is Christ in need of some human kindness?

What began as brief journal entries detailing the events of my day and underlining the prayer and rest of my day has quickly grown, by God's own grace, into an almost constant awareness and intentionality. I began by 'ringing my own bells' to stop and pray or stop and read, or stop and...just stop. In just a few weeks I find I do not need to detail every moment, they have quickly found their natural places in the flow of my life.

Ah, but this, this humble adoration and receiving of the Christ. This isn't something I can schedule, It isn't something that can be anticipated and planned for. It requires an on-going awareness, a continual focus outside of myself that, to my dismay, does not come as naturally as I would have liked. Over the last week or so I have been trying to focus on every interaction, every meeting, every greeting so that I might "Never give a hollow greeting of peace or turn away when someone needs your love".

Maybe it's just me (Oh God I hope not), but this single aspect of the monastic way is the most humbling so far...humbling because I quickly realize my great need for an indwelling of the heart of Christ. On my own, I am wholly unable to live and love this way. My own Self is too big. My own ego continues to get in the way.

But I am not on my own. My prayer and my quiet and my 'Resting in Thee'...I am so much more aware of not just my need for grace, but also of receiving exactly what I need. Throughout days and months and years my spirit has been crying out;

"O God, you are my God, I seek you
My soul thirsts for you,
My flesh faints for you,
As in a dry and weary land without water." - Ps 63

And lo, in each day that I have been searching, I find to my great surprise, that you have been waiting all along to fill me fully and completely with the water of your own need for respect, hospitality, comfort, companionship, and peace.

You, O master of turned tables, surprise me yet again when, in answering to your need, I find my own thirsting soul quenched beyond all reason.

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
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Warmth of Summer Sun

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 13:00:00 +0000

I've been looking forward to summer for months; sitting on the deck, walking my pooch, barbecuing pretty much everything, evenings opened and free for as far as the eye can see (which is pretty far in Saskatchewan!).

Technically June isn't quite summer. It's also been pretty rainy these past few days, but today, on this Feast of The Ascension, the sun is shining and the world is bursting with verdant splendor (LOVE using verdant in a sentence!). It makes me want to pray;

Warmth of Summer Sun
Under the warmth of the summer sun the world awakes and blossoms into every imaginable color. You created a garden for us to enjoy and within it planted the most magical of flower and trees. You needed no horticultural training to plan your color scheme, no gardening expert to recommend variety or design. Your garden is perfect its colors harmonious its scale immense spoilt only by the clumsiness of those who tend it.

Creator God who breathed this world into being who is discernible within the harmony of nature, the perfection of a butterfly's wing, the grandeur of a mountain range, and the soaring eagle and humming bird, thank you for this world which you have created. Thank you for summer sun which reminds us that your creative breath is still alive and active. Thank you for the warmth of your love sustaining this world: your garden. - John Birch

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
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The Seventh Room

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 13:00:00 +0000

"Day by day remind yourself that you are going to die. Do not show too great a concern for the fleeting and temporal things of this world. One must not be excitable, anxious, extreme, obstinate, jealous, or over suspicious. Such people are never at rest.

There are times when good words are to be left unsaid out of esteem for silence. Diligently cultivate silence at all times, but especially at night.

There should be specified periods for both labor and prayerful reading." - from the Rule of St. Benedict.

Benedict calls for silence and rest to be built into the day. Without looking back at the last few days which I have been recording, I know that explicit rest and silence have been things that have just 'happened' on their own here and there through my days (if at all). Certainly they haven't been anything I would schedule. I can't even imagine how I would go about doing that.

For Benedict the action of prayer or the Work of God is in many ways separate from those times of resting, silence and reading. Simply saying that my prayer times count as rest times too does not get me off the hook apparently.

Besides, there's that thirsting in my soul to contend with.

When I think of silence I think about the silent retreats I went on during my Spiritual Direction training. It was a living, tangible thing that silence. You moved through it from room to room, always aware of it's presence enfolding you like a care-worn blanket. You could almost hold it in your hands or embrace it with your whole body. It hovered between us all but did not separate us rather, it bound us together tightly, gently.

It's almost as if this silence is the first fruits of prayer, or the doorway to it...or both. Rest and silence, silence and rest. Moving through the day with a quiet, contemplative attitude. Not grasping at the worries, the anxieties, or the things that fill my days, but willingly letting them go, letting them free-fall for a time. Because you can't take it with you.

It sounds almost blissful, like paradise. It sounds like heaven on earth.

"It is clear from Benedict's Rule that he knew the power of the scriptural reminder that it is in returning and rest that we shall be saved." - Benson

Returning and rest. At that, my soul resonates with the days of creation, the rhythm of that busy, building crescendo of light, and dark, land and sea, air and water. The busy-ness of a world filling and filling and filling with life...

Then "God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all the work that he had done in creation." - Genesis 2:3

The seventh day, the seventh room of my Father's house. It is this day, this room of silence and resting to which my soul is drawn. Like a moth to a flame. This is the fruition of my own creative efforts. This is the first fruits of my sharing in the Work of God.

"Be still," the psalmist beckons "and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)

I can seek God in my labors, I can seek God in my relationships, I can seek God in my prayer...but if I cannot find that secret space where, all the while the world is rushing by, He and I may sit in silence just to be, my search may be in vain.

Melissa and I have been talking more and more about this and the great gift those stolen moments of quiet and peace are to us. My soul's search for a more Monastic Way demands a greater intentionality. These precious moments shouldn't be stolen at all, like some secret and hidden treasure that is only taken out in the dark of the night for fear it might be found out, and taken back.

In breaking down my day and stepping back, looking upon all the moments I fill with this good thing and with that, I begin to pray. I begin the Work of God, who works in me.

And I begin to see times and places that fit perfectly in my routine; in the mornings - in the time between the rush to get ready for the day, and the time to venture forth. During lunch - when we might sit and just enjoy the temporary stillness that grips our normally busy parish. After supper - when the dishes are put away and the table has been cleaned, those last small labors of the day. This is the golden hour...even if I do have to run out again.

It is that time when Vespers has rung out, and we sit together each engrossed in some good book, or knitting, or just being in that space. It is a space which, perhaps sooner, or perhaps later will be filled with sights and sounds and activity again but in which, for that time at least we sit and we listen.

To the secret and grace-filled silence of our Father's Seventh Room.

Peace and God Bless,

EG

P.S.

I was writing this on Tuesday, the feast of the Visitation of Mary to Elizabeth. Imagine my surprise when, after journalling all of this, I found myself praying the following at Vespers that same evening;

"If the Lord does not buíld the house,
in vain do its buílders labor;
if the Lord does not watch over the cíty,
in vain does the watchman keep vígil.

In vain is your earlier rísing,
your going later to rest,
you who toil for the bread you eat:
when he pours gífts on his beloved while they slumber." - Ps 127

Lord, you always know what to say and when to say it. I really shouldn't be surprised anymore.

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
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On A Wing And A Prayer

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Mon, 30 May 2011 17:41:00 +0000

As previous posts have mentioned, my hunger and thirst for a more deeply lived, balanced spirituality has begun to lead me in the direction of those ancient desert monastics of our Church's spiritual Tradition. Specifically as described by St. Benedict and the little Rule he put together in about 540AD to serve as "a school for the Lord's service".

The Rule itself, and the practical application and reflections on said Rule as lead by Robert Benson's 'A Good Life: Benedict's Guide to Everyday Joy' are proving to be valuable road maps on this journey.

The first section of the book reflects upon Benedict's approach to prayer;

"On hearing the signal for prayer, we immediately set aside what we have in hand and go with utmost speed...indeed, nothing is to be preferred to the Work of God....Those who work so far away that they cannot return to the oratory at the proper time are to perform the Work of God where they are. So too, those who must travel are...to observe them as best they can..." - The Rule of St. Benedict

This is key for me and for anyone wanting to give true and humble respect to this monastic way of living...this prayer, this Work of God has to be the single most important event of the day. Above and beyond any work I myself may have to accomplish in the day, it is the Work of God that has to be allowed center stage.

For most of my life as a Christian I've allowed God's work to become not much more than an addendum to my day. I fit it in where and when I can. It's often the last thing I think to do when all other potential activities have been exhausted, and is most often the first thing that gets dropped off the list when my days begin to fill up. If I'm honest, I don't really treat it as God's Work at all...more like one more thing exhausting, time-sucking thing in a long list of things.

It wasn't always like this. When I was a simple waiter, when I did my 4:30am - 1:30am job and went home and that was it, there was so much more time. I don't think I really appreciated the gift that kind of pattern was for me, or how different things would become once I answered this vocational call. At times it's felt as though I'd been sucker-punched, and I've spent nearly ten years reeling from the blow!

As a waiter, I could pray even as I worked. I remember how I used to slowly, contemplatively (before I even understood the word!) pray over the lines of the Lord's prayer while setting tables in the dining room. It was always quiet, and so methodical and repetitive I could get lost in prayer and spend the whole time savoring each and every line.

I don't get that same level of physical occupation coupled with mental freedom unless I'm walking Oliver...something which only happens with regularity from Spring to Fall.

I did manage to be fairly strict with myself as I worked through the Spiritual Exercises, though not perfect. I had some dry spells there too when my ministry and personal schedules overwhelmed me as they often do from September to May.

That is really a key period, September to May, and. Core stumbling block. What do I do with you? How do I keep from getting so swamped with 'good things' like my ministry to the parish; the meetings, the classes, the sacramental celebrations? What about those 'good things' entailed in ministering to my family; the meals, the shared television shows, the visiting, the laundry, the vacuuming? What about my own free-time; reading, game playing, relaxing...sleeping? A lack in any of these areas quickly begins to throw all the others off-kilter.

Benedict's Rule insists it is prayer that provides the balance. His assurance is that devotion to God's Work itself provides the balance. Is it something I am called to to be a partner in...or something God Works in me? I suspect it's both. If I can trust the words of this venerable, ancient monk, the steady rhythm of the Office with it's regular invitation to stop doing one thing, and begin doing something else, will necessitate a re-ordering and a balancing of all of these other things and relationships.

Easy to say. Much more difficult to do!

But I am making a small start by keeping the beginnings of a daily activity log, so that I can become aware of the ebb and flow of my own life, where my energies currently are and where I would like them to be... and pondering Benson's book making notes on what I find there.

For example;

"When the era of persecution ended...Christians...needed less strength to withstand suffering, and...over time they became less faithful in the practice of the prayers." - Benson

Is this the source of my own attraction to the Office and this monastic Way? Has the suffering and persecution I've been subject to this past year and a half led me here? At first I felt anger, and a drawing away from God but I have to admit that, over time, the hunger to be with, and to rest in the arms of the Father who loves me wholly and completely has been growing greater and greater.

This is all well and good, but if true I need to be very aware...that when things start to get better, when there is less strife, when I begin to feel that I need "less strength to withstand"...that my prayer is in danger of falling off also. It's the cycle of Judges all over again. I don't want to allow myself to get to a place where I am crying out in fear and desperation. The whole point of this move to a more monastic way is to avoid, as best as I can, those dead spots in my prayer and those times of desperate floundering.

I need to make a firm commitment, an even stronger one than I did for the Exercises, to remain faithful to the cycle of prayer, rest, community and work that I am finally able to settle upon. That's why it's so important that I take care to pay attention to my life, and the movements of my spirit.

"The Work of God offers us the chance to make our lives of prayer larger than our own lives." - Benson

He goes on to speak of how the office provides an anchor for our lives to the whole body of Christ. This Work of God quickly becomes the framework upon which the rest of the work of our day is built. In light of this, it anchors all else I do; work, rest(play), family and friend time...all of it becomes an outpouring of this prayerful rhythm.

I have been trying hard to find my rhythm, to look at the ebb and flow of my day and see where the calls to drink at the fountain of the Lord have their proper place. So far, even the conscious effort of making a daily list or log of my activities is helping. The whole, 'act of observation changes what is being observed' phenomena. If it works, so be it.

The more I read Benson's words and the more I read and reflect upon Benedict's Rule and the vital importance of prayer for all else I do, the more the conviction of it's importance sinks into my spirit. It's as though my soul were nodding it's head emphatically at each new realization saying, "Yes! That's it...that's what I've been trying to tell you for so long!"

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
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The Belle of the Ball

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Fri, 27 May 2011 15:13:00 +0000

My little girl celebrates her Graduation today. She's our youngest, and our last. It's kind of weird. When you become a parent life takes on such a firmly rooted routine that you forget a bit about the radical changes that are also a part of living.

When they grow out of their shoes, you're confused. How can it be so soon? When they learn to ride a bike in the midst of all the exhilaration (and fear) you wonder; when did they get so big?

It's a strange paradox that, as we journey with these ever growing and changing persons, some part of us assumes life will always be this way. She will always need her dad to tie her shoes, her mom to help with her hair or nails, reminders to pick up her laundry or clean her room (ok...THOSE particular things haven't been grown out of yet!).

Oh I know...in many ways she will always need her mom and dad. I know too that over the past couple of years we've been given a crash course in turning our children's choices over to God and trusting in His parental care for them. Still...

Still.

There's so much of those past days that I miss. And so much of who she's in the process of growing into that I love. She has been, and continues to be the strongest, most powerful young lady I have ever met. The force with which she meets the world has inspired me with awe (ok...and sometimes genuine fear). She loves fast and loves hard, and she is possessed of a set of firm convictions and a sure sense of justice. Her voice is loud, and her heart is filled with the kind of compassion that moves her to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves. She is already such a bold and brash defender of the forgotten and the underdog...you better just look out world!

My wife has done up such a nice post today talking about some of this and the wild and wonderful journey she has led us on these years. I offer these humble words and a prayer from the heart for my princess, the Belle of the Ball, on her big day;

Lord God, look with favor on our daughter,
For whom today is most special and beautiful.
Her mother and I surround her with our gentle love and prayer
As she prepares for her graduation dinner and dance.

This will be a grand day for her to remember
For all of your life.
We are so very grateful to be able to share it with you
And support you with our prayer and love.

You Lord, have graced our daughter with life and health
So that she might reach this beautiful day.
You have blessed her with all of the graces she needed
And have carefully prepared her
For this blessed day.

Lord God, unite all our prayers, our life time of hopes and loves
Into a single, spirit-filled blessing for Logan-Marie.

As parents, we ask you, our parent God,
To bless our little girl with your love and ours,
In the name of the Father, and of the Son,
And of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

You are such a great gift Logan. I am so very proud of you.

Peace and God Bless,

Dad

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
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Do You Remember?

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Thu, 26 May 2011 17:23:00 +0000

This is a continuation of the first post I did as soon as I woke up this morning, a video featuring 'Our Song', Sheriff's "When I'm With You". I used to play it for my wife-to-be pretty much every shift at the Radio Station where I worked...I'm imagining it drove this city nuts! That's what you get when you take a guy who's head-over-heals in love and give him a radio show to host from midnight 'till six in the morning!

22 years ago this day, the most beautiful girl in the world spoke a 'Yes' that changed my life for all time. I never want to forget the way I felt when our souls first met, the leap in my heart when she agreed to be mine for all time, or the day that would be the start of the rest of our lives.

My love, my life, you may never know just how great a blessing you have been to me. I can never forget, I will never forget, and on this day that marks the start of all our days I ask...

Do You Remember?

Do you remember;
The excitment,
The nerves,
Those shaky, quivery butterflies,
Leading you to your heart's truest joy?
I do.

Do you remember;
The color of the sunlight,
The new bursting green of flower and leaf,
That blaze and explosion of life,
Whose springtime passion gripped our world?
I do.

Do you remember;
The doubts,
The shaking heads, the wagging tongues,
That in the midst of skeptic whispers still,
Two hearts were joined by destiny's deft hand?
I do.

Do you remember;
The fear,
The unknowns of our future,
That secret questioning of how we could nurture,
The precious, fragile treasure entrusted to our care?
I do.

Do you remember;
The love,
The way our soul-filled windows met,
And how, after your interminable pause,
Before all, with all, for all, we at last said...
I do?

I will love you forever.

Amen.

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
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22 Years Ago Today...We Danced.

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Thu, 26 May 2011 12:49:00 +0000

Happy Anniversary My Dearest, Sweetest Love!

To be Continued...

Getting My Bells Rung

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Mon, 23 May 2011 17:20:00 +0000

I've been carrying this deep desire to formalize or more deeply schedule my prayer life...my whole life actually in some definitive way. I've felt this longing, this calling, this pull for years now, but it feels stronger than ever before.

I've written about this before, but as I said, there's a strengthening push that is demanding I take action.

I've been attracted to the monastic life since my studies at Newman when I went from waking in the early hours of the morning and praying alone in the quite of the house most every single day, to next to nothing for prayer at all. The great irony for me has always been that, as a waiter my life was filled with opportunities for spontaneous prayer, contemplation and meditation while walking, setting table in the restaurant, sitting in the quite of an empty lunchroom. I spent most every moment of my day in Gods presence in some form or another and I loved it. It's probably this single most important reason I am where I am today.

Once I got to Newman though, things changed. Studying, papers, reading and reading and reading. Working part time, inner-city ministry, parish ministry, housework, taking care of the kids, spending time with my family. These things took over my life fully and completely distruptng then careful balance I had grown used to.

It didn't get any better once I had graduated and entered into full-time parish ministry. For the last ten years establishing anything resembling a regular, rewarding prayer life has been a constant battle.

It still is.

Oh but there's such a deep, gnawing hunger for a life steeped in prayer. I've caught glimmers of it, especially these last few years, brief tastes of the kind of perpetual, prayerful presence my soul yearns for. These moments tease me with the depth of the gift they dangle just out of my reach.

But how to do it? What to do? When?

How do I begin to regain that delicate balance between prayer, work, rest and family and friends?

At Newman I had begun looking into various Monastic Rules in hopes of finding some secret answer to my dilemma. It never really took. Yet I've continued to come back to those monastic roots. My times of retreat at the retreat centers for Spiritual Direction training intensified my hunger for that kind of life. My discovery of the on-line community of @Virtual_Abbey has helped to re-ignite the flames of my desire for a life in which prayer is the font out of which all else flows, rather than a brief attachment clipped to some rare, otherwise empty moment in my day.

Still, I hunger for more.

Last week I met with my Spiritual Director and shared all of this with her; the constant hunger, my dissatisfaction with how things were, the things I've been drawn to, the desire from something deeper, more constant. My need for balance.

I told her that, while I had begun reading through the Rule of St. Benedict hoping to get an idea of how this all might work, what I really needed was a 'Rule of Cura Animarum'. I need something that can fit into my life, or have my life fit into it.

The reality is, I do not live in a cloistered, monastic community, but in the world, in a parish, in a family. I am not part of a single community ordered towards living one way of life. I belong to several communities, each with their own rhythm, their own ways of doing things, their own needs and their own demands on my time and energies.

This is the greatest irony I think, of trying to live a modern, urban monastic life. I hunger for structure, for routine, for regularity and constancy in my prayer and my life...but the very reality I am connected to demands flexibility.

This is the place where I sit today. I am at the crux of two seemingly opposing, unmovable forces. The hunger and thirst that I carry with me cannot be denied any longer. Neither can the needs of ministry, family and 'down time' be denied.

My Director gave me a book that may help to give me a framework. Robert Benson's 'A Good Life: Benedict's Guide to Everyday Joy'. I'm liking it so far. Using Benedict's Rule as a guide, he invites me to break down and break apart my life, re-ordering it into Benedict's categories of Prayer, Rest, Work and Community. Looking at the resulting carnage laid out before me, I can begin the prayerful process of re-ordering and re-prioritizing my life so that it more closely resembles the elusive, personal Rule I long for.

I can't tell you how much I need this, or how even the thought of working through this process touches those places of deep thirst in my soul. It feels like the answer to more than a decade of prayers. I don't think it will be easy, but with all my heart and soul I believe that my Lord, my God is telling me it is exactly what I need.

From Benson's section on Prayer; "It is clear that monks and school children have...advantages that I do not have. Someone rings a bell and they know what it is time to stop doing and what it is time to do next...I am not so lucky anymore. I have to ring my own bells."

Time for me to do some ringing of my own.

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
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Where Do You Choose To Live?

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Sun, 15 May 2011 22:33:00 +0000

“This is my resting-place for ever; here have I chosen to live." Ps 132

Spent a walk recently reflecting on this verse. I had been praying with the psalms of the Evening Office, Vespers. I was trying to choose a psalm to pray with, when this single line chose me. I love that God works this way.

Everywhere I looked, everything and every one I looked at...these words resonated deeper and deeper. "This is my resting place...here I choose to live."

The birds whose songs accompany my steps; "This is my resting place...here I choose to live."

The grassy carpet beneath my feet; "This is my resting place...here I choose to live."

The bumble bees, those Queens pregnant with new life, searching for a place to brood; "This is my resting place...here I choose to live."

The kids aging scrub baseball in the park, the family dog sitting at third base waiting for the cue to fetch; "This is my resting place...here I choose to live."

Skateboarders, cyclists, drivers rushing to and fro; "This is my resting place...here I choose to live."

Moms calling their children home, dads barbecuing on the deck; "This is my resting place...here I choose to live."

Amid it all I am acutely aware of the breath moving into me, and out of me. I am aware of my heart beating, my eyes blinking, my arms and legs moving, all in the daily miraculous rhythm that keeps me alive...and my soul sings;

"This is my resting place...here I choose to live."

Amen! Amen!

Alleluia! Alleluia!

It all makes me wonder; in which moments do you choose to live?

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Moments That Ground Me

noreply@blogger.com (Cura Animarum) — Thu, 12 May 2011 04:09:00 +0000

When feeling stressed and anxious there are only a few (healthy) things that keep me grounded and help to center my heart and soul on the giftedness of each moment and each day. One of my favorite, contemplative moments are those days when I am able to take my favorite beagle, Oliver for a walk.

Today especially, it was precisely what I needed. This week after my return from the Cultivating Compassion conference has been more hectic and draining both physically and emotionally than I had anticipated. Usually after Easter things around the parish begin to wind down. It just hasn't been the case yet. Instead of easing into calmness, my mind has been racing, my soul unsettled and my spirits drained. Not really a 'Resurrection' kind of space.

Add to this a few days worth of fall-like chill and dull, grey clouds and I've found myself teetering on the verge of depression. Not a fun space to be in at all!

And then the sun came out at last. And Oliver, after supper let it be known that he had spent far too many days of above zero temperatures cooped up inside.

He always seems to know exactly what I need. Such wisdom for a beagle!

I've been in the habit of praying a Rosary on my walks, this time though felt different. I felt a strong nudge to set my 'usuals' aside and just watch. Just listen. Just be.

I noticed, really noticed for the first time in days how many trees were beginning to bud, how many birds were singing their spring time, territorial songs, how many kids were laughing, riding bikes, chasing each other. I felt the wind across my face, heard it dancing in the branches with their infant leaves in the midst of birthing into being. I looked down and Oliver and his excited, distracted nose racing along the ground and just inhaling the world as it lay stretched beneath his feet.

He knows so much, this wise, always hungry little pooch and his wisdom leads me down those paths I follow far too little. There's life here, and here...there and there. It's everywhere, in everything. It embraces me in it's goodness, it's vibrance, it's song and dance. It dares me to walk away from the vacuum of darkness, and dullness, stress and anxiety.

It reminds me of that eternal promise; darkness does not have the final say, greenness and lifelessness must give way to the sun which bursts through a cloudy sky and the song of a world stretching out beneath my feet, daring me to breath it all in.

Peace and God Bless,

CA

"The whole earth is quiet and still,it is glad and hath rejoiced!" (Isaiah 14:7)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad