Cure This - Front Page

taken as directed

poppyseed — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 22:29:20 GMT

identifying details have been altered to protect patient confidentiality

one of the ways i've decided to cope with this year is to develop a set of "rules" for internship. everyone's heard of at least this one:

"if you see food, eat it; if you see a chair, sit in it; if you see a bed, lie in it; if you see a bathroom, use it"

but i wanted to add some more, in the same spirit-- as a compendium of wisdom. here's the first, compiled from my first four ER shifts:

no one takes medicine as directed

perhaps not literally true, but a good rule to keep in your head, i think. i learned this while presenting to my attending. i had a patient, an older woman, who had very severe lung disease (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) and was on home oxygen. she had been having fainting spells and had one right there in the ER in front of her nurse (as they were changing oxygen tanks). the attending asked me if she was using her home oxygen or if she took it off from time to time (and if those times corresponded to the fainting spells.) turns out, his assessment was correct (quite useful, these attendings!)-- she hadn't really put two and two together (though, to be fair, it hadn't occurred to me, either) and when asked did notice that her fainting spells did happen when she took her oxygen off. we agreed that she should try keeping her oxygen on.

after this, i started asking people if they'd been able to take their medicine. lots of people were out of pills because of inability to afford the prescription. about an equal number decided not to take their medicine because they did not believe it would work-- diabetics who didn't believe insulin would help them (or who blamed the insulin for complications of diabetes suffered by their friends or relatives), people with congestive heart failure who had expected their medicine to work much faster for their swelling, people with high blood pressure who didn't like taking pills... the ER is, admittedly, a skewed sample, but sitting here i just can't remember a single patient i took care of who was taking her/his medicine as directed.
i started taking more time on the "medication" part of the history-taking: what medications are you on?, what medications are you supposed to be on? what medications do you actually take? what medications do you take regularly?... and it opened up these discussions about access to medication, beliefs and expectations about illness and medicine, attitudes towards health and health care. access is the easiest-- we're a public hospital, just get your medicine from us! these are the interactions i believe have the greatest chance of making a difference. it's the others i'm more worried about, the ones who would just rather not take their medicine. (incidentally, we were always taught to ask about side effects, but i haven't found a patient so far who quit because of side effects. still looking, though...)

but now, what to do?

i gave them my gentle smile, gentle touch on the hand or shoulder, deep soulful gaze (not really an act, but i can kind of feel it happening to my body language while we're speaking)-- i have a great belief in the power of these interactions that is probably quite misplaced: people got to be who they are over the course of many, many years and they're not going to change just because i gaze so soulfully into their eyes. (it's a form of egotism, this belief in the healing power of my niceness-- i am so nice, they just needed a nice doctor to explain things to them-- now they'll come around...) they're going to do their gentle smile, soulful gaze, nod-your-head-and-promise-that-this-is-a-fresh-new-start thing (again, probably not really an act) and go right on back to not taking their medicine.

The Hospital as a site of Violence

brownfemipower — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 22:45:50 GMT

via Latina Lista:

Villegas DeLaPaz was arrested, incarcerated and forced to go through labor under armed guard handcuffed to by her wrist and ankle to a hospital bed. When she arrived at the hospital, the nurse asked the accompanying officer to step outside while Villegas DeLaPaz changed into her hospital gown - he refused, forcing Villegas DeLaPaz to unclothe before him. Then she was shackled on her legs whenever she went to the bathroom. The nurse asked that the shackles be removed because she wanted Villegas DeLaPaz to be able to clean up after childbirth and do other hygiene to prevent infection. Again, the attending officer refused. Her newborn was taken from her and did not receive needed breast milk for several days. She was re-jailed and denied a breast pump to express her milk. Nurses attending her were crying. She could not sleep in the jail because of the intense pain from her swollen breasts. She was not allowed to call her family so her husband could be with her for the birth.

The Politics of Pap Smears

brownfemipower — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 22:02:47 GMT

Through all the pap smears I've ever experienced in my entire life (I started going when I was 18), I compiled the following information:

0-number of times I've been asked if I am a survivor of sexual violence
0-number of times I've been asked if I am queer
1-number of times I've been asked what previous pap smears have been like for me.
1-number of doctors that have asked me if I wanted to see anything while s/he was down there.
2-number of doctors that have told me what size speculum I need.
All-number of doctors that have asked if I engage in "unsafe" sexual practices
About a quarter-number of doctors that have explained what they mean by "unsafe" sexual practices
1-number of doctors who have said something outside of "multiple sex partners" (listed: drug use, unprotected anal sex, sex while high/drunk.)

(MORE below the jump. Click on "There's more" below)...
Midwives, in general, have been much better at giving pap smears than doctors. They always asked if I wanted to see or feel anything while they were giving pap smears and after a nurse checked my dilation after I had asked her not to, she hunted down the nurse and "discussed' why it was not her place to check patients unless she (the midwife) or the patient requested it.

But even the midwives never asked about my history of sexual violence.

I'm not sure why that is.

I've wondered if it was a legal thing--maybe patient advocate groups have worked to make it so that they can't. Maybe nobody asks because it is such a loaded question--so few women have even admitted to themselves that they've been raped or sexually violated, much less some doctor that they see once a year, if that. If I were asked by a few of the doctors I've had to deal with about my history of sexual violence, I probably would have got up, buck naked, and walked out of the office. Which is odd--I'll stand for you sticking a speculum up me, but fuck you asshole, if you ask me about my history of sexual violence.

So I can understand the legal reasons as well as the "don't tread on my space" reasons why a doctor might not ask about history of sexual violence--but I have to wonder if any of these are good enough reasons to not ask?

How many women do not go for pap smears because of PTSD AND they are painfully aware of how unconcerned and inflexible doctors are when it comes to adjusting themselves around the needs of the patients they are examining?

In other words, how many women have a history (rather than just a doctor here or there) of doctors creating a rapport with them before they are told to strip and spread? How many women have been told BEFORE the pap smear, "If you need me to stop for any reason, just say X." How many women have been offered things like extra sheets to cover themselves or other 'feel safe' items (like holding the hand of a nurse or partner etc)?

How many women regularly really feel like they are in control of the examination, rather than just holding their breath until it's all done?

By way of contrast, how many women have had their race held against them while they are in the stirrups? Or their class? (raises hands to both) Or their non gender conforming status?

How many women would tell their doctors their history of sexual violence?

The overall lack of professional closeness and basic human consideration within the patient/doctor relationship is a large reason why I have a really hard time with Nancy P's thoughts here. In regard to whether or not the HPV vaccine is "ok" Nancy P states:

In our university oncology practice, about half of the women with high-stage or lymph node-positive cervical carcinoma are WOC, although our practice catchment area has 20% WOC. The major reason for the disparity is reduced health care access, lack of health knowledge, lack of practical support and time to pursue preventative care, and increased rate of HIV positivity in the WOC population as compared with the white population. If a good quality vaccine can reduce the incidence of high-risk type HPV infection, it represents a simple and more readily achievable intervention in the short term. Yes, it would be great to get ideal health care access, education, convenience, and effective HIV prevention to every woman, but it will take time to achieve political will among the voters and the politicians - and even with the best implemented universal health care system, some will fall through the cracks and be lost to screening until too late (eg, in British Columbia CA, with one of the best screening rates in the world). I'll take every safe and effective tool available to reduce the incidence of invasive cervical cancer.

I trust that Nancy P is coming from a generous and love motivated place. I've talked with people like Anjali who have voice similar concerns. They are horribly aware of just how overwhelmingly huge the problems of the medical establishment really are. I have also sat in a room filled with Doulas, midwifes and doctors who talked about how if they tried to get cuffs removed from birthing mothers, they would have been kicked out of the room all together. And one doula spoke about how if she had told the doctor to stop hurting the woman she was coaching through birth, he could have banned her from the department and left this woman all alone, something she couldn't let happen. And so she stayed, said nothing, and held the woman's hand while the doctor did what he wanted to her. The doula said she felt like she was coaching her through rape rather than birth.

So, I see Nancy's point about the shot.

But I also have a really hard time believing for even one second that if universal health care happened tomorrow, there'd be a dramatic increase of women of color going to get pap smears done. Universal health care=more women of color caring about health assumes so much about the lives of those women as well as the doctors they'd be going to.

It assumes that kind, compassionate doctors that care are the norm rather than the oddity. It assumes sexual violence doesn't happen and hasn't happened in doctors offices. Or that a woman's race, class, gender presentation, prison status, nationality, ableness, age, and sexuality doesn't follow her into the stirrups. It assumes that it's economics that are keeping a woman away from the doctors offices rather than doctors. It assumes that it's economics rather than an abusive and violent culture that sees one in four women raped--and women of color raped in ways that specifically connect their race to the violence being inflicted on them (see Andrea Smith's analysis of Native women and rape)--in other words, many women of color (and I wonder if not most) feel that they were raped because they were "colored" (rather than or also because they were women).

It assumes that there most women are not sexual violence survivors that have experienced one too many doctor talking shit about them while they were in incredibly unsafe positions.

It assumes that the problem is "over there"--not right here in our living rooms.

I was told by one doctor that I would give birth very quickly because I was Latina, and that's what Latinas do. In case you didn't know, Latinas have historically and currently faced increased monitoring and violence based almost singularly on our "ability" to pop babies out. As he finished up, I spent the whole time getting tenser and tenser--is this guy a white supremacist or nativist? And although this is one of the many doctors that never asked me questions beyond "when was your last period"--if he had asked me about drug use, or other personal "high risk" questions, I NEVER would have answered him. Would he call the police on me? Would he report me to CPS?

I am a person with relative privilege. I have citizenship, I have insurance, I am light skinned, I don't speak with an accent, I have never done hard drugs, I am not a former prisoner, I am not a sex worker, I am not an abused woman, and while I was pregnant, I had a male partner at most of my examinations--I am not a person that most people would judge needs to be locked up to 'protect' myself from myself.

But what about those women, those women that Nancy P points to, that don't have these privileges? Those women that live with the burden of "welfare queen" on their shoulders? Just how many "welfare queens" do we think feel safe enough to risk going to people that have the "legal obligation" to report X?

I recognize with a heart breaking clarity just how profoundly dysfunctional and violent our medical system is, and like Nancy P, I recognize, this shit isn't going to change over night. But I also have a profound distrust of sweeping statements that point to the "economic problems" of women of color as justification of barely tested chemical injections as a way to save them. I recognize how complicated it is--I recognize that if I were a doctor, I'd rather a woman got a shot that may or may not be bad than see her get advanced cancer or even die. But I also recognize that I AM a woman of color that is sick and fucking tired of doctors deciding what is best for me and my health when they don't even know simple things about me, like if I fuck men or women or both.

And even more to the point, I'm sick and tired of doctors deciding what's best for me and my health when if I answer a question the wrong way, or come to them for help with certain problems, they will HELP to put me in prison or take my kids away from me. Or jam a speculum in me until I bleed. Or rub on parts that they have no business rubbing on. Or 'forget' to call the female nurse into the room while the examination is happening. Or make me sit through the examination with no coverings.

And at this point, I think it's important to note--the ONLY medical professionals that have EVER given me or directed me to literature or resources about ACTIONS that women are participating in to change the medical profession are midwives.

I'll wrap up here by asking a question that I first heard from Andrea Smith: Is it possible for those doctors/medical professionals that genuinely care to start with "change" from the bottom rather than the top? That is, is it possible to reimagine the relationship they have with their patients as a first step towards "change" rather than "universal health care" as the first step towards change?

So, as Andrea Smith asked in Conquest: Is it possible to reimagine the "doctor/client" relationship? Is it possible, that rather than even a "partnership" the relationship between doctor and patient is "resource provider/potential activist"? Is it possible to imagine that within every patient, there is a budding activist whereby given an extra five-ten minutes in the office or an extra hour in community meetings, the budding activist can begin to create the change the medical establishment so desperately needs? Thus causing the "partnership" to be more about creating connections and community wide change rather than hugely powerful doctor pretending like there is no power difference and patient taking deep breaths and clawing the air with her toes so she can make it through one more "life saving" examination?

From the bottom and to the left.
It's a mantra to live by.

Inspiring healing:
New Orleans Women's Health Clinic
Sister Song: Women of Color Health Collective
Native American Women's Health Education Resource Center

©brownfemipower 2008

Public health 'n Shit

los anjalis — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 02:27:03 GMT

DrSteveB answers the question, "What is Public Health?" and makes several references to shit. Here's an excerpt:

Ever since people banded together in groups there has been both clinical medicine and public health. Our earliest hunter gatherer ancestors had healers to lay on the hands and give comfort to sick and injured. It is also likely that they some sort of rules about where to shit, and to keep their shit separate from their food and water. That was public health.

Lots more here.

Also, check out DrSteveB's thoughts on "What is Epidemiology?" (this is part of DKos's weekly health care series).

Disability and sexuality

brownfemipower — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 01:05:23 GMT

I don't know how many people out there follow celebrity gossip. I know it's not the cool thing to do when you're a big bad revolutionary.

I follow it tho, I admit it.
And the latest big news is that Verne Troyer (aka Mini Me) has a sex tape. He and his former girlfriend taped themselves, and apparently a third party stole it and is currently trying to auction it off (although latest news is that girlfriend gave big time sleeze mag TMZ permission to broadcast snippets of it).

Now, as those who follow celebrity news know, sex tapes come and go. But I had to really point to this sex tape scandal because of the horrible way that Verne Troyer is being treated.

Apparently, his sex tape is a joke. As in, little people have little penis (or vagina) and as such are gross, disgusting, etc etc. What apparently makes his tape especially disgusting is that a (good looking) non-little person is having sex with a little person, so apparently this is similar to tiny dogs having sex with women. I'll spare you all the links.

I think that the disgust at a little man having sex with a non-little woman (not sure what the correct language is in naming non-little people) really demonstrates a whole lot about U.S. culture's warped understandings of both male and female sexuality and gender roles. Men must be huge studs that physically dominate women, and women who choose to be with men who aren't physically dominating are pegged as "not normal" (if you make it over to the sites talking about this, pay attention to how once people get over the "ick" of a little man daring to be sexual, they immediately focus in on her and her choices over who she has a right to be sexual with--she is given the usual shit that celebrity sites give to women (she's a gold digger etc) but she is also called desperate, depraved, disgusting, mentally ill, etc for sleeping with "something" as disgusting as a little man).

I think it also speaks to how people with disabilities are humiliated and even punished for being sexual beings. It's not just that a man that does not fit with traditional masculine understandings is having sex, it's that a little man is having sex. It's that non-little people can't figure out how he would "fit" into her. It's that they can't imagine how a little person and a non-little person could have sex without using chairs and ladders (seriously, you'd be blown away by the number of comments I saw addressing this). It's that if you introduce devices into the bedroom, it better be in service of orgasm (aka dildos, lube, etc) and not in service making you "man enough" (that is, tall enough, big enough) to fuck a hot woman.

And that Troyer was sexual and dared to have sex with a non-little woman, he is to be mocked and humiliated--to the point where a poll on TMZ asks if "you would by the sex tape" and an overwhelming 90% replied "No." Now, of course, polls on websites, especially websites like TMZ are indicative of nothing even close to imagining science. But I don't believe that the poll was about being scientific--I believe it was about humiliating. About mocking and humiliating a person that "should feel grateful' that people are even reading about his sex life (Troyer is suing TMZ for 20$ million). This poll is about mocking a person who dared to believe he had the right to be sexual when he should fucking know better.

But the thing is, Troyer is an incredibly privileged person. He will be mocked, humiliated, and turned into a late night bad joke, but he'll come out all right in the end--he can escape to some exclusive island out in the Pacific for a while and come back once the furor has died down.

What about those disabled people who are not as privileged as he is? Those disabled people who risk losing a place to live if they are caught or risk being institutionalized? Or those disabled women that risk permanent sterilization because of the "risk" of becoming pregnant?

How do those people express themselves in a fully actualized sexuality without being punished for their transgressions?

There's such a long way to go to destigmatize the sexuality of disabled peoples--but it's also comforting to know that a lot of people are doing something about this as we speak. Check out the amazing multi-cultural organization "the Empowered Fe Fe's" take on sexuality head on in their video "Doin' It: Sex, Disability and Videotape."

cross posted at La Chola

What is Genocide?

brownfemipower — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:48:56 GMT

VIDEO: Carlos Andres Gomez

earth moves slowly beneath us as we wait

ms_noemi — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:50:25 GMT

waiting at clinic.
man snoring softly
next to me.
pay $35 upfront.
Can you make a payment
on your balance?

Sit, wait.
Man snores.
Check email on phone.
Check email on phone.
Read Terabithia
Read Norma Cantu.
Sit, wait.
Check email on phone.
Return email to Lina,
Re: location of panteon.
Sit, wait, clouds form.
Looks like rain.

Read Emmy's poems.
Envious, lovely forms.
Man snores.
Check email on phone.

Quiet coughing spell
with cough drops
gifted by my mom
before she left us,
left the valley for
colder seasons.
Snow, trees.

Consider leaving.
Have already paid
$25 upfront.
Entered a payment plan
for enormous balance
of allergy tests
insurance didn't cover.
Who knew?
Sit, Wait.

"¿Tiene cita, Señora?"
"¿Que doctor quiere ver?"
"¿Tiene seguro?"

Additional parking
in rear.
laugh at joke.

2 t.v.'s on.
one is english soap opera
with volume turned down.
other is spanish
morning today style show
turned up
we are glued.

Wait.
Man is called.
Lunch hour is over.
Doctors return.
Think twice
about being here.
I've already paid.

Finish chapbook.
Check email on phone.
Check email on phone.
Text sister,
babysit on Friday?

Will tell Dr.
of insurance change.
So MRI's and cat scans
and sleep studies a go.
at affordable prices
with payment plans.

hope she doesn't
get mad
i haven't done
them yet.

wait,sit,wait.
Man with cane shuffles in.
A señora, with another señora
walk in.
"aquí traigo a mi comadre
Ya no ve"

Check email on phone.
think of music.
think of poems.
think of poems
in text form.
think of devils
and twenty dollar bills.

Check email on phone.
Sip water,
parched painful.
they call my name.
nurse says
"dr says she knows
whats wrong with you
again."
so predictable, I am.
yes, on throat, yes
on sinuses.
Nurse hands me
allergy results,
he says
no more mangoes
no more bananas
he says
start eating meat again.
he doesn't know
my heart is
allergic to eating blood
(yes, trauma dramatic
induced by 100.1 fever)
dr. meki walks in
touches my knee
sorry to be late.

i tell her of exams
she says its pap smear
time, save myself-
i'm bleeding.
RX for throat, nose, head.
I Think she likes me
maybe one day
I'll tell her everything

You wanna see rational and efficient? I'll show you rational and efficient

los anjalis — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 06:11:43 GMT

In New Jersey (my home state!), 6 hospitals have closed in just the last 18 months, and out of the remaining 77 or so hospitals, more than half are running in the red and are at risk of closing. The Washington Post published an article on the issues surrounding the closures, and ends with this:

Some state officials have said that New Jersey needs this period of consolidation -- that there were too many hospitals, and that some needed to close to make the system more rational and efficient.
But many of the closing hospitals have been in urban areas and towns with large concentrations of minority and poor residents. Two hospitals in Newark -- St. James and Columbus Hospital -- closed this year, angering local officials. Mayor Cory Booker (D) said he was "angry and anguished and frustrated" by the closings.
"The hospitals that close are generally in urban areas with minority people living there, and they don't count politically," said the Rev. James Colvin, who has also been active in trying to save Muhlenberg or find a new buyer.
"From a 'survival of the fittest' standpoint, it makes sense. We're saying it smacks of the final solution for urban centers. Someone else called it 'genocide lite.' "

I'd like to have a friendly conversation with some of those state officials who seem to think this is a "rational and efficient" way to consolidate health care resources. Friendly. Just sayin'.

considering the next step

brownfemipower — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 02:07:19 GMT

So I've been thinking a lot about how to transition out of being a feminist blogger and into something more productive. I've considered three main ideas:

1. Michigan blogging
2. Health blogging
3. Movie blogging
All three of these ideas have a lot of good qualities about them. I don't think that there's any reason why I shouldn't do all three of them at the same time, except that watching movies is probably not the healthiest thing to do and the run of Michigan centered movies is problematically small (on a side note, Michigan just lifted taxes on movie production companies and as a result, a whole slew of movies are standing in line waiting to be made--here in Michigan!).

The thing I'm struggling with--for so long, my passion was feminism and movement making. It's no longer my passion. So now I am left struggling with the idea, "What now"? What does a person do after their passion has fizzled out?

I think it's an important question. And oddly enough, I think it's important because of the lessons I've learned around movement making. How many women do I know that put their lives into movement making only to live as chronically ill, perpetually stressed out, and ironically boring human beings? Even more importantly, how many people do I know that put 70-80 hours a week into organizing for six months, a year, maybe three years, only to have that person pass out in their secret caves, never to come out again except to eat and watch hours of Harry Potter?

I've spent the past few months in my cave, recovering my health. I'm feeling much stronger. But at this second in my life, I've also never been more sure that I have spent all my energy for "the cause" years ago and it's time to move on.

So how does a person move on?

And how does a person move on without leaving the community that has been built up around her?

(See where I'm headed with this?)

What happens when the community that has been built up around her was built specifically using the bricks of Y, but now she wants to do M?

(I hope anybody still reading here has got the point by now, although my fingers are itching to type an explanation, my brain simply will not allow it.)

(Fine, I'll give you a hint--any group that wants a grassroots, base-building, world-changing movement must recognize that one or two major points of focus have never been strong enough to build a new world.)

But anyway. Right now Michigan, health and movies are my interests. They are not quite my passions. But they are my interests. And I'm wondering how to begin paying attention to and otherwise nurture these interests. How to uncover small acorns (thanks cara!) and do so while centering that old eternal strength of the world, LOVE (thnx for reminding me, Joan!)

What part of the dead can be used to build the living?

Rebirth after death.

It's why we shouldn't let our fear of dying become a permanent state.

Question, challenge, interrogate

everything.

What dies
can be used to be

reborn.

cross posted at La Chola

©brownfemipower 2008

how they roll in other countries: germany and healthcare

los anjalis — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 04:25:07 GMT

Let's roll with this knowledge, and dream of what can be.

Those of us who live in America know next to nothing about how other countries' health care systems operate. Not because we're stupid or ignorant, I'd like to think, but because we are not allowed opportunities through our mainstream media to learn about other countries, so myths created easily perpetuate. Many of us turn to alternative sources of media or the internet (or both), but still, there's generally so much policy jargon to sift through. THIS is partly why Michael Moore's documentary Sicko left so many in the American public stunned regarding the various types of health access and services that citizens of other nations receive.

NPR did a piece today on Germany's health care system, a system which by the way has existed for over 125 years. For some jaw-dropping action, read the whole article, it's not that long. What really struck out for me was a fundamental difference in the set of values we hold above all else, in both countries. What we tolerate or praise here would not be tolerated there. What we struggle with here in regards to access to healthcare, bankruptcy from medical bills, huge deductibles, time to see docs, are a non-issue there. Obviously there are problems in every system. Here's a glimpse, though, of some of the virtues of the German system we're not exposed to in most of our media sources. Some quotable quotes:

Germany on access to doctors at times of need:

On one particular night, Juergen was the doctor on call for the region. Any German who needs after-hours care can call a central number and get connected to a doctor.

On access to humane and intuitive support services after an operation, as told by a woman who had thyroid surgery:

"Then I came home to my little daughter, who I couldn't really lift up because of my neck having been cut open," Sabina says. "So I asked my doctor, 'What can I do?' And she said, 'Well, your health insurance will pay for someone to come help you in the house.'"

They also pay for support services and money to families who want to keep their elderly parents at home and out of nursing homes. Again, a fundamentally different set of values.

On coverage for everyone:

The health care system... is not funded by government taxes. But it is compulsory. All German workers pay about 8 percent of their gross income to a nonprofit insurance company called a sickness fund.

On SOLIDARITY:

Basing premiums on a percentage-of-salary means that the less people make, the less they have to pay. The more money they make, the more they pay. This principle is at the heart of the system. Germans call it "solidarity." The idea is that everybody's in it together, and nobody should be without health insurance.

This one really got me. I dream of the day (it is possible!) when Americans routinely use the word solidarity.

On the cost to employers:

The big difference is that U.S. employers pay far more, on average, than German employers do - 18 percent of each employee's gross income versus around 8 percent in Germany.

On humanity (FUCK DEDUCTIBLES!)

Moreover, German health insurance has more generous benefits than U.S. policies cover. There are never any deductibles, for instance, before coverage kicks in. And all Germans get the same coverage.

After mentioning they would NEVER move to America STRICTLY because of health care costs for their chronic problems, a couple also notes the embarassing statistic about bankruptcy due to medical costs in America. On DIGNITY:

"It's also the No. 1 reason in the United States that people personally go bankrupt," Sabina translates, "which would never happen here ... never!"

On family coverage:

Nicole pays a premium of $270 a month for insurance that covers her children, too. Nicole pays a single $15 copayment once every three months to see her primary-care doctor - and another $15 a quarter to see each specialist, as often as she wants. She pays no copayments for her children's care --and her insurance even covers her daughter's orthodontia bill.

If you're self-employed you have to buy insurance from a private for-profit company (not the non-profit sickness funds). This is also an option if you make more than a certain amount a year. Interestingly...

But most people don't opt out. Chris says that's because there's a fundamental difference in the way Germans view health care and the government's role - which, in Germany, means refereeing the system and making sure it's fair and affordable.

The German govt regulates the insurance companies, or in better terms, holds them accountable to a basic set of guidelines:

So Chris' insurer can't raise his rates if he gets sick or jack up his premiums too much as he gets older. The government also requires insurers to keep costs down so things don't get too expensive.

And again, on SOLIDARITY:

Germans really hate any hint of unfairness in health care. The fundamental idea is that everybody must be covered and, preferably, everybody should get equal treatment. So the fact that 10 percent or so can buy some perks is an irritant - something Germans complain about but manage to put up with.

I noted that the article didn't mention anything about the uninsured in Germany (those who are not employed or are not self-employed, or who are self-employed but cannot afford the monthly premium). And then I realized that NPR had done a piece on the uninsured in Germany. 0.2 of the population there is uninsured, there are only 8 free clinics in the country, and that's changing for the better as a new law was passed that would allow for the uninsured to be covered. Picking up my jaw again from the floor.

ALSO check out the interactive international health care comparison chart at the NPR site -- you can do head to head comparisons of US vs Germany, Britain vs Germany, Switzerland vs Japan, and other such permutations. It's pretty interesting.

Thoughts on all of this? Let's roll with this knowledge, this new perspective, and dream of what can be. Cmon, pick your jaw up already!

How to build a community that involves single parents...

los anjalis — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 04:00:08 GMT

I attended the United States Social Forum last year in Atlanta, where 10,000 activists from the US and abroad gathered to discuss problems and strategize about solutions, inspire each other, and network. It was awesome. But there I noticed twice, times at which dirty looks were given to a mom in the room with her baby, when her baby started making any noise. I don't think it was intended, but it was still a clear sign that they weren't welcome.

Anyway, I was reminded of this when I saw Noemi's latest post at Hermana Resist, where she notes some suggestions for involving/including parents and single parents. These apply even more so to the local level with community-building efforts than to a gathering like the USSF. They're quite good suggestions, here are a few:

* realize that parents are people. Realize that parents are people. Realize that parents are the same people you knew before.
* realize that parents can be activists. but they are also parents. they have different things on their mind. Single parents often have things such as food, rent, money, health on their mind. Unlike the single person, they are usually thinking of their child(ren) when they think about these things. Sometimes a single parent (take me for example) cannot concentrate on the latest protest, though important as it may be, because I may be thinking of what will my next job be, and the addition of subtraction of money in my head.
* to build a community, parents and children should be welcome and not feel they can't attend a meeting/event because of their baby(ies).
* don't roll your eyes when someone brings up childcare.
* realize the different situations of a single parent and a family that has 2 parents. If you don't realize the difference, start asking questions.
* since when does your communty involvement only concern the childless, or those that can leave their kids with someone else, the other parent, a spouse/ or friend. Yes, in theory, the children can be left with babysitters. Who need to be paid.
* ever think why parents stop being involved in community events and meetings?
* if single parents don't feel you or the community cares about what it means to be a parent, a single parent, they won't seek you out for help. This is not community. This is not a welcomed community.

thoughts?

Bhopali activists, successful direct actions, and online engagement

los anjalis — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 00:48:14 GMT

Bhopal, India, 1984, the largest man-made catastrophe to date, killing thousands instantly and still having effects on families' health, wellbeing (not to mention the fact that gas spill is STILL affecting the groundwater and the corporations responsible have shirked responsibility. The movement-makers in this struggle have been strategic and passionate about their direct actions, appeals, and community-organized work in Bhopal. And they've become experts in strategizing for online activism to complement and strengthen their offline actions.

The first major hunger strike was coordinated in March 2007, and the strikers and the community really drummed up support and pressure by international supporters. I wrote about the hunger strike at our previous blog -- To the Teeth. (post titled Support the Bhopalis Right to Live). Amazingly, Satinath Sarangi, a legendary figure in the struggle for Bhopali rights and one of the folks on the hunger strike, wrote a COMMENT on the post, days into the hunger strike while weak and weary, thanking us for supporting the movement. Talk about passion, talk about "connectivity" online!

I've been wanting to write about this earlier, but there's been a hunger strike going on again, right now, and I'll share a press release from the campaign and intense photos from successful direct actions and the hunger strike. Below is their press release from today, and the photos and stories (must check out!) can be read at Bhopal.net.

And let me mention, Students for Bhopal has always been, and still is, one of THE COOLEST action groups in the US and abroad, and has been integral to the success of actions by the folks on the ground. They're doing a lot of the work connecting young activists around the world online with the movement on the ground. Love them, check out their site too!

Here's the press release:

Bhopal Nine End Fast; 10 Others Take on Baton
3 July, 2008. NEW DELHI -- Marking 22 days of their hunger strike, the nine Bhopalis, including 7 who are survivors of the 1984 gas disaster and/or victims of water contamination, ended their fast at 2 p.m. on 2 July. Meanwhile, 10 people took on the baton announcing that the indefinite fast to break the Government's silence on the Bhopal demands. The 10 people include 21-year old Suresh Pal, who was beaten and jailed for his peaceful demonstration outside the Prime Minister's Office, Hakam Singh, an ailing gas victim, and Piyush Sethia, a supporter of the Bhopal campaign from Salem, Tamilnadu. The Bhopal nine broke their fast under medical advice after the doctor declared at least three people - Irshaad Khan, Meera More and Iqbal Khan Khokhar - to be in danger due to their abnormally low pulse rates and blood pressure. All three are gas-affected people; 20-year old Irshaad was born to gas-affected parents. Two of the Bhopal supporters - Texas-based Diane Wilson, and Chennai-based Shweta Narayan - have also ended their fast. Both said they will continue to mobilize public opinion in their respective areas to increase pressure on the Government to act urgently.
Outlining their future course of action, the Bhopal organizations said that the coming weeks will see more direct actions both in Bhopal and New Delhi. "We are putting out wall posters in Bhopal inviting people who are prepared to get arrested to come to Delhi for a series of civil disobedience actions. This is the end-game, and we will see it to its logical conclusion," the organizations said. The groups will also hold a series of press conferences and public events in Bhopal to expose the BJP Government's role in prolonging the misery of Union Carbide's victims, and highlight Gas Relief Minister Babu Lal Gaur's complicity with Union Carbide since 1981. International supporters too have promised to take action outside Indian embassies and consulates, and confront Indian politicians and officials during their visits abroad.
The global relay hunger strike, meanwhile, has attracted nearly 800 people from several countries who have signed up online to fast for a day or longer in solidarity with the Bhopalis.
"Various members of the Group of Ministers of Bhopal have assured us that the GoM's recommendations closely reflect our demands. We also know that the Bhopal files are being moved at a unprecedented pace. We are now free to focus pressure on the Madhya Pradesh Government which is standing in the way of the Commission," said Satinath Sarangi, one of the 22-day fasters.

(Bold emphasis above is mine).

This is obviously a struggle to support, and also a movement to learn from as we strategize, build community, and broaden our audience in our various campaigns.

Summer of Our Lorde

brownfemipower — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 15:18:10 GMT

I'll be participating in this, you do it too!

Subject: Summer of Our Lorde: Transformative Summer Reading

Because it is better to READ!

This Summer BrokenBeautiful Press presents Summer of Our Lorde: Radical Study and Intentional Healing.

Summer of our Lorde is a study group/community building project inspired by the work of black lesbian feminist mother warrior poet Audre Lorde.
In Durham, North Carolina SpiritHouse and Southerners on New Ground are co-sponsoring this series this summer. We encourage you to read along wherever you are located.

See summerofourlorde.wordpress.com to download the essays and get ideas for discussion questions.

Session I June-July: Uses of Anger: Women Responding to Racism
Online reading and discussion and small home tea party supplement talks inspired by Audre Lorde's essay.

Set up a tea party...talk about this important essay with the people who already live in your house, work at your job, share in your life OR message Alexis and she'll talk about it with you any time.

3rd week of July: Eye to Eye: Black Women Hatred and Anger or "We Can Learn to Mother Ourselves" (co-sponsored with SpiritHouse)
I envision this as a session centered around the voices and experiences of black women, but again inclusive of the communites we are accountable to across race and gender.

3rd week of August: Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power (co-sponsored with SONG)
I envision this as a session centered around the voices and experiences of queer and trans working class folks and people of color, but again inclusive of all. One key question that I think makes it generative to discuss this essay is the idea of "woman" energy that Lorde uses in it. What does it mean to be accountable to gender liberation and gender self-determination with a definition of the erotic?

email brokenbeautifulpress@gmail.com for more information!

Stay fly, wherever you are...
love,
Lex
brokenbeautiful.wordpress.com

Who are the Empowered Fe Fes?

brownfemipower — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 13:25:11 GMT

Who are the Empowered Fe Fes?

Good question!

The Empowered Fe Fes is a support and action group of young women with disabilities ages 13 to 24. We have all different kinds of disabilities and come from different racial and ethnic communities. We live all over Chicago. We give respect and we better get it in return!

"Fe Fe" is slang for "female" from the 90s when the group first got started.

The Fe Fes meet two Saturdays a month and discuss issues like being disabled and a girl, dating, job hunting, sexuality, family conflict, getting an apartment, independence, power, our rights and making our communities better.

You should join the Fe Fes if you want to:

*
meet new people
*
get some skillz
*
find useful resources
*
get more confident about speaking your mind!

The Fe Fes do lots of interesting projects. For example, the girls have created three award-winning films:

* Beyond Disability: The Fe Fe Stories
* Why They Gotta Do Me Like That?: The Fe Fes Take On Bullying
* Doin' It: Sex, Disability and Videotape

For more information about the Fe Fes, contact Ana Mercado (se habla español) by phone at (312) 640-2190, tty at (212) 640-2170 or e-mail at amercado@accessliving.org.

Don't Get Sick in July?

daprovocateur — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 04:30:58 GMT

If you happen to get sick this summer in Southern California and you wind up at my hospital, you can expect to find a gaggle of eager, intelligent, competent and caring new, young doctors (we like to call them 'interns') ready to listen intently to your story, as well as your heart and lungs of course. They may be 'green' but they certainly aren't dangerous so long as they're armed with 2 important tools: supervision & sleep.

The former seems blatantly lacking in the story quoted below.

Every neophyte is owed the opportunity to be taught so long as the teacher recognizes her imperative to teach. Especially in a hospital in July.

New Docs on the Block
According to medical lore, July is the worst time to be hospitalized because that's when inexperienced med students start clinical training. But is summer really riskier for patients?
A month into Sandeep Jauhar's medical internship at a prominent teaching hospital in New York City, he was asked to drain fluid from the belly of a patient who was HIV-positive. "I was trying to get out of the hospital to keep a dinner appointment," he recalls. "I was sort of rushing. I heard a snap and there was all this fluid leaking all over the floor." Jauher's gloves were too small, he hadn't assembled the tubes for the blood correctly, he was new, he was inexperienced and nobody was watching. "[The patient] was totally oblivious to the disaster, but it was a mess," he says. "These are the mistakes that new, green interns can make."
According to conventional wisdom, a patient's chances of encountering a mistake-prone rookie like Jauhar go way up in the summer. That's because July 1 is the start of the academic year for medical schools: In teaching hospitals around the country, medical students will replace interns, interns will replace residents and residents will move on to fellowships or to become full doctors.
This crucial and sometimes perilous training period can be incredibly difficult for medical students. As Jauhar writes in his recent book, "Intern, A Doctor's Initiation," incoming doctors are not only practicing on patients for the first time, they're also learning the often Byzantine workings of their respective hospitals, new technical language, new procedures and the tedious, yet critical, ways to fill out paperwork. All this learning is packed into 80-hour workweeks and overnight shifts in a busy hospital environment-a far cry from the academic environment they might be coming from. But is it really riskier to go into a teaching hospital during those first few weeks of intern training? Or is the "July phenomenon" a medical myth?

Finish reading at New Docs on the Block (Newsweek)

~casey

(cross-posted at NPA Blog)

thinking about sexuality

brownfemipower — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 01:53:45 GMT

I had a small thought as I was walking down memory lane today, remembering the olden days when I got all hot and bothered for hard rock/heavy metal bands.

As I've said many times, I've always been feminist inclined but didn't really get "radical" until I got into the University. But being in the middle of Religious Midwest, being feminist inclined meant radical.

So a LOT of friends had a real hard time reconciling the fact that I really dug the epitome of sexist nastiness: Hard rock/heavy metal bands. I mean, what could possibly get more misogynistic than "She's my Cherry Pie" or "Girls Girls Girls"?

But as I was watching videos from the olden days (here and here), I realized that a large part of the attraction I had to these bands was the women rather than the men. In the middle of the 80's, in the middle of hyper strict religious town, in the middle of "no such thing as queer=good," the only place I could ever see women expressing sexuality at all was in the videos I was not supposed to be watching--the only place where even imagining making love to a woman was possible was at concerts where women "explored" their sexuality by showing their tits (because that's what rock girls did.)
Now, of course, all was not perfect. It wasn't like my budding queerness was nurtured and developed and encouraged by all the sexist pigs screaming "Show us your tits!" (and, in fact, I got into a fight with a dude who wouldn't shut the fuck up about tits. Very exciting.)

But it did present a space where looking at naked girls was not filthy and wrong. It did present a space where being sexual period was not considered obscene. Straight friends enjoyed that space just as much as I did--half naked men showing their packages in all their glory? It was like a chip and dales show with a lot less queerness and a lot more acceptance (what kind of girl goes to a strip club? A whore girl, that's who).

But it wasn't all about sex and naked women either.
This video was my anthem for a loooong time back in the 90's.

VIDEO: Aerosmith's "Crying"

Not only did this video inspire a years long thang for Ms. Silverstone--but it also showed a woman that went to some mentally dark places. Of course now tats and piercings are a dime a dozen, but back in the 90's--a woman that went into depressions and then got tattoos or jumped off the side of a bridge AND was a sexual person--it was unheard of (and before I get lectures about how it was NOT that strange, please remember where I grew up).

I heard an interview with Kurt Cobain from Nirvana one time. Nirvana had refused to pull their CD's from Walmart after Walmart insisted that they change an 'offensive' cover. Nirvana had changed the cover rather than pull it. And people just couldn't understand what the fuck was up with that--was the band a sell out? Were they pussies? Why did they care more about selling CD's than they did artistic integrity?

Cobain answered that he grew up in small town U.S.A., and he knew how music was some times the only thing you had to hold on to when you were different. But he also knew that Walmart was sometimes the only place that small town kids had to get their music. He wouldn't pull the CD from Walmart because then the small town kids would have even less access to a person telling them that there's a way out, a light at the end of the tunnel to hold on for. People who aren't from small towns probably roll their eyes at that logic or don't get it--but especially in the pre-Internet days, I can personally attest to how something as simple as a single record by your favorite band CAN give you something to hold on to.

Which makes me wonder. If feminists are interested in ending misogyny and sexism in music, is the way to do that really to work to ban the music or otherwise protest it? Or, thinking in terms of grassroots mobilization, if small town queers in the U.S. are manipulating those problematic spaces to suit their needs, will they necessarily stand in alliance with big time feminists? I know I personally never did. I was sympathetic to the cause--but honestly, bands like Aerosmith and Guns N Roses seemed to 'get' small town mentality so much better than the feminists.

Nasty pig boy Axl Rose was from small town Indiana and understood the how stifling dictates from above of "don't do that it's wrong and nasty and offensive" really were. And I don't doubt for a minute that GNR manipulated things to appear as if they were "standing up for the little guy" all the while selling more music. But I don't think feminists of that time ever really understood how they were perceived as little more than a continuation of the small town power structure that wanted to control and shame rather than liberate and encourage.

I don't think they do even today.

Which goes back to the question--what is the answer for feminists that want to end misogyny and sexism in music? I think that creating alternatives is a much more powerful action--creating a space where those people who are looking to challenge or move away from the power that is stifling them can go and thrive. As an example, once I was introduced to punk/alternative (as in Nirvana, Green Day, etc) I pretty much left the hard rock/heavy metal scene. Punk/Alternative bands seemed to get their point across, rock out like crazy, and were totally accepting of queers and other misfits--and they did it (at least then) without the crazy sexism of the hair bands (I'm not letting punk/alternative bands completly off the hook, there was sexism, just not in the in your face style of the hair bands).

Could feminists do the same thing? And I ask this with the realization that women (as opposed to feminists) have been working within and outside of the music industry to create their own spaces for decades. And awesome feminists like Ani DiFranco have actually made a career of touring small towns. But when was the last time there was a queer pride music fest in Holland, Michigan (as an example)? When was the last time feminists who were protesting misogyny in music demanded that feminists bands like L7 got huge contracts rather than demanding that sexist bands be shut down (see the difference in the point of the protest?)? How many feminist concert tours have major organizations that have the money (aka NOW, Feminist Majority, etc) not just sponsored but organized and put on? How many scholarships for budding feminist musicians (or artists/writers/etc) have feminist organizations created? (On a side note, when it comes to funding, I've actually found that most mainstream feminist org's actively distance themselves from artists in favor of those who are doing science and business).

I deleted the above because it was irritating me. Why am I constantly writing about how to "make a movement" when the damn "movement" has made it perfectly clear that I am not welcome? Do I really care about "the movement" or do I care about the lonely and depressed queer girls out in the middle of Religious Town U.S.A? Lonely and depressed queer girls, forget the above paragraphs and pay special attention to the paragraph below. There are alternatives out there. There are spaces where your presence is not only honored but desperately needed. And some times, you don't have to leave your area to find those spaces. When you get out--pay attention to what amazing women like Invincible did--go back. Go back and sing that voice out loud and powerful and strong. Then teach other lonely and depressed queer girls how to do the same thing. Bless all of us with your words, your voice, your music!

Another example, Hip hop artist Invincible started her own label and grounds her music in the problems and good of Detroit. She tours outside of the country, but she always comes back to Detroit. The young women of Detroit at least know that space that I knew--that space where open sexuality is ok. But they know that space without the sexism that is inherent in male dominated spaces like a Warrant concert. And because of the work that Detroit Summer and AMC (both supported by Invincible) do with local youths, those same young women are encouraged to go out and make their own music and their own space. Eventually, given enough time, mainstream misogynistic hip/hop (and/or rock/heavy metal/punk/country) will no longer be a lifeline to desperately lonely and depressed kids--they'll be too busy developing their own voice to need it.

Misogyny eliminated, poof, just like that!

And so concludes my "small" thought.

:-)

cross posted at La Chola

And now for a fiction break. Fiction as therapy.

los anjalis — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 05:51:01 GMT

Cuz fiction's good for us. I keep veering away from fiction because there's too much non-fiction and current events and medicine to read, but fiction really is grounding (and therapeutic).

So, how many of these New Classics have you read? (keep in mind this list was compiled by Entertainment Weekly, but on quick glance it looks like a pretty cool list).

Yes, fiction as therapy.

It would make sense too then, that writing fiction would be therapeutic too. Ayjay explains it:

Ever wanted to kill someone and get away with it? You can. Ever wanted to commit suicide but still show up for work tomorrow? You can. Ever wanted to have a hot steamy inappropriate sexual tryst with that luscious co-worker or the barista at Starbucks who is 20 years your junior? You can. You can write the scenario, you can script your life, you can control the emotional pain and the wild fantasies that if acted on would have consequences.

And then ayjay goes on to challenge us with an exercise in fiction-writing. But wait there's more. Ayjay's got a series of posts and exercises in healing through fiction-writing.

Those of us here who actually DO write fiction (not me, yet!), any other thoughts?

Cooking simply, or just simply gettin' back in the kitchen

los anjalis — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 01:59:29 GMT

I'm often exhausted after a long day at work and as my closer friends know, I often default to take-out or even sometimes gasp comfort fast-food. My thinking includes (er, my excuses include) not having enough time or enough variety of ingredients in the fridge to cook, and I often block out the nutritional value or lack of value inherent in these meals. I've been changin' that attitude up a bit lately, along with a bit of an exercise schedule. And I found this excerpt of a Q&A between Tara Parker Pope of NYTimes "Well" series and Mark Bitten (NYTimes food writer) reassuring and hopeful for folks in my line of thinking (that might include you):

Q: For me the worst part of cooking is shopping for groceries and figuring what ingredients I need for a meal.
A: These days I cook a lot of things that are already in the house. I eat a lot of eggs, vegetables, beans and pasta. A lot of people think cooking is complicated. But this is the thing. Once you learn what you're doing you realize it's not. As I said, I woke up yesterday and made beans. Even if you take a can of beans and throw it in a pot with cherry tomatoes (you don't even have to cut them up), some garlic and olive oil - there's nothing wrong with that. Broil a piece of fish, wash some lettuce, and you have a fine meal. If your kids don't like fish, then use shrimp or a piece of meat. I've gotten so used to cooking simply I almost never do anything else. Even when people come over for dinner - they get the same things I cook for myself. If I made what I just described to you and you were coming over for dinner, you'd probably think, "He cooked. How nice.'' People worry about this too much.
Q: When you are cooking, do you ask yourself whether it's healthy, or do you just want it to taste good?
A: I always thought if you were aware of what you were putting in your mouth you're not going to eat badly. Nobody can cook what they cook in fast-food joints and restaurants, in general, because you just don't have the same ingredients. But if you looked at what it means to put a half a cup of butter in a dish, you would just look and say, "I'm going to use less.'' When you cook yourself, you just don't put the same kind of crappy things in there that people put in food that is prepared for you.

Now i'm off to fix me an easy-to-make and nutritious dinner.

First Step: Remembering to dance when the music is agroovin'

brownfemipower — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 01:30:21 GMT

Lyrics below the cut
VIDEO: I Idolize You
(Did you know that Tina is singing this song to me?)

If you want some loving,
that I can give to you.
And if you want some hugging,
said I can hug some, too.

All I want, baby, now
is some thought of you
and just a little of your attention
you know, will see me through.(yes, yes - me through)

'Cause you know, that you're my kind
And I want you to forever be mine
OW!
I idolize you (yes, she idolize you)
You know I idolize you (yes, she idolize you)

I would like to make love to you
When the lights are low (yes, yes down low)
And I would like to scream to you baby
Just so I can let you know (yes, yes you know)

And all I want baby now
Is some thoughts of you
And just a little bit of attention
You know will see me through (yes, yes me through)

'cause you know that you're my kind
And I want you to forever be mine
OW!
I idolize you (yes she idolize you)
You know, I idolize you (yes she idolize you)

If you want me to beg to you
I'll forget my pride (yes, yes my pride)
I'm not ashamed of you baby
And I have nothing to hide (yes, yes to hide)

'Cause all I want baby now
Is some small part of you
And just a little of your attention
You know will see me through (yes, yes me through)

'cause you know that you're my kind
And I want you to forever be mine
OW!
I idolize you (yes she idolize you)
You know, I idolize you (yes she idolize you)

Oohhhhhh baby
Oh I idolize you (yes, she idolize)
I know I know I know I know I idolize you
Oooooh (yes she idolize you)
Come on
Come on
Come on come on come on come on baby
You know I idolize you (yes, she idolize you)
Ohhhhhhh

crossposted at La Chola

Grabbing life

brownfemipower — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 00:23:15 GMT

I've decided that now is the time.

I will live.

I just need to figure out how to do it.
I've decided that now is the time.

I will live.

I just need to figure out how to do it.

I've been inspired to imagine health in a new way by so many different people. Dr. Elle with her amazing reflections on veganism, Lexie with her soothing ability to dream, Ronni Bennett's practical frugality, the wonderful, powerful women of Speak, and recently I was informed by a silver star speaker that a certain Chicana force of power wrote a whole book on Chicana centered empowerment projects--and she did it back in the 60's!

I see the brilliance, and it's got me grabbing for life.

I'm not going to lie, I've really struggled with blogging since I've been back. But I think I've found the direction I want to go in. I hope you'll grab life with me.

cross posted at La Chola