MISS PSYCHOBABBLE

Surviving Toxic Family Members This Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Tue, 23 Dec 2025 02:43:00 +0000

Click the title to read more. Visit Ask Anna Page to find out how to ask! Follow MP on Socials too.

Protect Your Peace From Toxic Family Members This Christmas

The holidays are often painted as a season of warmth and love, yet for many they arrive with a quiet heaviness. Family gatherings can reopen old wounds, especially when the very people we lean on bring up insecurities, stretch our generosity too far, or turn love into unspoken financial demands.

For OFWs and family providers, Christmas can feel less like a celebration and more like a weight to carry. Recognizing toxic family patterns is not selfish. It is a necessary step in protecting our mental health and honoring the sacrifices we continue to make.

Common Traits of Toxic Family Members

A toxic family member often shows patterns of behavior rather than occasional conflict.

They stir conflict. They create division by spreading gossip, exaggerating stories, or bringing up sensitive topics to upset others.
They use silence as control. Refusing to communicate after disagreements is a form of emotional manipulation meant to regain power.
They deny responsibility. They avoid accountability by lying, deflecting blame, or rewriting events to protect their image.
They manipulate and gaslight. They twist situations until you feel at fault, dismiss your feelings, or label you as overly sensitive.
They are passive aggressive. They deliver subtle insults and backhanded comments that undermine you without open confrontation.
They are openly aggressive. They may shout, threaten, damage property, or intimidate others, behavior that is often wrongly excused by family members.
They ignore boundaries. They push past limits, guilt you for setting them, or act as if rules do not apply to them.

What You Can Do to Protect Yourself

You cannot control others, but you can control how you respond.

Disconnect from the drama. Pause, breathe, and walk away when emotions escalate. Creating distance helps you respond with clarity instead of regret.
Treat the gathering as transactional. Be polite, helpful, and respectful while limiting emotional investment. This approach reduces stress and preserves energy.
Understand without excusing. Trauma, mental health struggles, or age may explain behavior, but they do not justify harm.
Recognize your difference. Sharing blood does not mean sharing patterns. Awareness already sets you apart.
Set clear boundaries. Decide in advance what topics you will discuss, how long you will stay, and what behavior you will tolerate.
Plan an exit strategy. Have your own transportation, accommodation, or a trusted person you can call if needed.
Take intentional breaks. Step outside, help in the kitchen, or take a short walk to reset emotionally.
Redirect conversations. Avoid sensitive topics and prepare neutral subjects like hobbies, movies, or travel.
Say no to financial pressure. Decide ahead of time what you can give, if anything. Use calm, firm responses and avoid over explaining.
Return to self care afterward. Rest, reflect, and reconnect with activities that restore peace after the gathering.

In a Nutshell

Christmas does not require you to tolerate emotional harm. Protecting your peace is not selfish, it is necessary. Healthy boundaries allow you to show up with dignity and leave with your well being intact.

Sources: 1 & 2

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Crying Is Not a Sign of Weakness

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Fri, 05 Dec 2025 23:51:00 +0000

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“Those who do not weep, do not see.” Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

I have always been someone who cries easily. Whether I am hurt, joyful, or overwhelmed by beauty, my instinct is to let the tears fall, and I always feel lighter afterward.

One childhood memory stands out. My father once told me, “If I could give you my strong heart, I would.” Even as a child, I never believed strength meant hiding your tears. To me, crying has always been an honest expression of what it means to be human.

I cried while watching Wicked 2, especially during “For Good,” because it captured the beauty of connection. I cried when I failed my first thesis defense, and I cried again when I finally passed. The second time, the tears felt like a rainbow after a long storm. That moment reminded me that resilience comes from releasing, not suppressing.

Why Crying Helps Us Heal

Crying is not emotional weakness. It is actually part of how the body keeps itself balanced. Our brain constantly works to maintain homeostasis, or inner stability. When emotions become too intense, tears act like a natural pressure release. They help the body let go of tension by releasing oxytocin and endorphins, two chemicals that create a sense of calm and comfort.

Psychologist Christina Pierpaoli Parker, Ph.D., explains that tears relieve psychological pressure stored in the sympathetic nervous system. When that pressure decreases, both emotional and physical pain begin to ease. This is why crying often makes us feel clearer and calmer.

Crying also strengthens our relationships. Attachment theory suggests that showing vulnerability helps deepen social bonds. Tears signal that we need comfort, understanding, or support. It is a natural way for the body to seek connection without using words.

The Gender Myth That “Only Girls Cry”

Many people still believe that crying is something only girls do. The truth is that both men and women have the same biological ability to cry. What differs is how society teaches each gender to express emotion.

Growing up, boys often receive messages to toughen up, while girls are allowed softness and emotional expression. These social rules shape how people regulate their feelings as adults. Emotion regulation is a skill that anyone can learn, regardless of gender. A strong heart is not defined by dry eyes. It is defined by the courage to feel deeply and keep going.

How to Cry Well and Safely

Allowing yourself to cry is a healthy emotional skill. Here are gentle ways to create space for your feelings:

1. Practice Mindfulness

Meditation, yoga, or slow breathing help you reconnect with emotions you may have pushed aside. Feelings sometimes rise before they settle, so trust the process.

2. Share Your Feelings With Someone Safe

Talking to a close friend or a therapist creates an atmosphere where tears can fall naturally. Being witnessed in your vulnerability can be deeply healing.

3. Respect Your Preference for Privacy

If you cry best alone, honor that. Your bedroom, your car, or the shower can provide a quiet environment where emotions can flow without judgment.

4. Know That Crying Is Cathartic

Tears are your body’s way of resetting. They are not a breakdown but a cleansing release.

Crying has never made me weak. It has made me more grounded, more connected, and more resilient. My tears have carried me through heartbreak and triumph, and each one reminded me that feeling deeply is part of being alive. The next time you cry, remember that you are not falling apart.

You are letting go, and sometimes that release is exactly what healing looks like.

Sources: 1 & 2

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Eldest Sibling Chronicles: The Ultimate Balancing Act

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Wed, 15 Jan 2025 04:01:00 +0000

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Being the eldest sibling often feels like carrying the weight of the entire family on your shoulders. As the eldest of three, I know this all too well. From helping my sisters with their assignments to supporting my parents in disciplining my younger sibling or managing the household staff, it often feels like I’m the glue holding everything together. There's an unspoken responsibility to ensure everyone’s well-being.

A beloved family member once told me, “It’s really hard to be the eldest. Sometimes, I wish I could just switch off my brain and let someone else take charge.” And I couldn’t agree more.

Moreover, I can’t imagine the weight my mother carries as the eldest among her siblings. Despite her own responsibilities, she continues to extend emotional and financial support to her family. Her selflessness and resilience are truly admirable, and I often think about her when facing my own challenges.

This sense of responsibility carries over into my work and studies.

Failure often feels like it’s simply not an option. I’ve always aimed high, striving for success at every turn. But reality hit hard when I received a failing mark in school. The feelings of incompetence and disappointment were overwhelming, especially when you’re raised to believe success is the coveted path.

Thankfully, I’m continuously learning to see failure in a new light—not as the opposite of success but as a stepping stone toward it. Even now, though, the drive to stay on top and make the right choices never truly goes away.

WHAT SCIENCE SAYS ABOUT THE ELDEST

Adler’s birth order theory sheds light on the unique challenges and traits of being the eldest, emphasizing their tendency to take on leadership roles and responsibility due to their position in the family hierarchy.

BIOLOGICAL FACTORS

While genes play a role in shaping talent and success, they’re only part of the story. Research shows that siblings, despite sharing genetics, are often remarkably different from one another.

A study published in Child Development found that firstborns tend to score higher on intelligence tests compared to their younger siblings. Researchers attribute this to the undivided attention firstborns receive in their early years, which fosters cognitive development. Did you experience this?

SOCIAL DYNAMICS

Sibling differences are also shaped by environmental factors. Studies suggest siblings, especially those close in age, often strive to carve out unique identities. Parents, too, treat each child differently, sometimes allocating resources based on perceived potential. In families with limited means, this can mean focusing on the child who seems most likely to succeed.

Additionally, research from Personality and Individual Differences highlights that eldest siblings are more likely to take on leadership roles and exhibit conscientious behavior due to their early experiences of responsibility and role modeling for younger siblings.

SIBLING COMPETITION & SUPPORT

Competition among siblings fosters growth. It teaches resilience, creativity, and perseverance. It’s about learning to lose, rise again, and keep pushing forward.
Yet, the power of sibling support cannot be overstated. Close sibling relationships have been linked to increased life satisfaction, which is a critical ingredient in personal and professional success.

For me, my strong bond with my siblings and the unwavering support of my parents have been my anchors, helping me navigate the weight of expectations and celebrate the joy of shared achievements. They’ve also guided me through rejections and setbacks, ensuring I never face challenges alone.

IN A NUTSHELL

Image Credits: unsplash.com

Being the eldest sibling is a unique journey filled with challenges, responsibilities, and rewards. It’s not something you choose, but something given to you by birthright.

It teaches resilience, sharpens your skills, and strengthens your bonds. While the expectations may be high, the lessons and growth that come with them are truly invaluable.

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Turning 30: Embracing the Benefits of Aging

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Tue, 26 Mar 2024 02:27:00 +0000

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As I turn 30 this year, I couldn't be more excited about the journey ahead! Personally, I've honed in on a career path that ignites my passion, affording me the ability to invest in experiences that truly enrich my life. This pivotal age allows me to direct my focus towards my spouse and family with newfound clarity.

They say wisdom accompanies age, and indeed, as you gain more insight into how the world operates, you find yourself increasingly at peace, with fewer uncertainties clouding your mind. Here are some remarkable benefits that come with turning 30, and if you're feeling apprehensive, fear not:

Quality over Quantity

Social connections play a significant role in promoting health, well-being, and longevity (Berkman et al., 2000). Research suggests that the quality, rather than the quantity, of social interactions at age 30 can predict midlife psychosocial outcomes (Carmichael et al., 2015). Thus, you find yourself less inclined to attend every social gathering that comes your way; the fear of missing out (FOMO) gradually dissipates as you prioritize nurturing meaningful friendships.

Financial Security

While money alone doesn't guarantee happiness, the climb up the career ladder throughout your twenties sets the stage for financial stability in your thirties. You now have the means to indulge in the experiences you've long desired.

Earned Respect

Who could have predicted that by this age, I'd be serving as an HR consultant for various companies? Established professionals now heed my advice, recognizing the depth of my experience. No longer relegated to menial tasks, you're viewed as a valued contributor in the workplace. Impostor syndrome isn't welcome here! You deserve the respect.

Wisdom from Experience

The tumultuous twenties have seen you through terrible jobs, heart-wrenching breakups, and cringe-worthy embarrassments. Yet, each experience has contributed to your growth, leaving you wiser and better equipped to navigate life's challenges. Every difficult situation has helped you build character.

Prioritizing Self-care

Embrace a newfound sense of selfishness—it's liberating! Whether it's indulging in a day of Netflix binging or setting boundaries at work, prioritizing yourself fosters both personal and professional growth.

Style Confidence

Bid farewell to the fashion fads of yesteryear! By now, you've likely discovered what clothing styles truly complement your personality and physique. With a greater sense of confidence, selecting outfits becomes an enjoyable experience rather than a source of stress.

Improved Relationships

As you mature, so too does your understanding of your parents. Recognizing the complexities of parenthood, you find yourself drawn to spending more quality time with family, appreciating the wisdom they imparted during your formative years.

Self-awareness

Gone are the days of feeling adrift or uncertain about your identity. With a deeper understanding of yourself and your aspirations, you navigate life's journey with a newfound sense of purpose and confidence.

Image Credits: unsplash.com

Embrace the journey ahead with open arms, for each passing year brings with it a wealth of experiences and opportunities for growth.

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Psychology Behind the K-Wave: Why Filipinos Are Hooked

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Thu, 27 Jul 2023 04:51:00 +0000

Over the past decade, a captivating phenomenon has taken the world by storm - the Korean Culture craze. From learning how to speak and read Hangul during the pandemic to obsessively following K-pop and K-drama, Filipinos have been drawn into this global cultural wave. Including myself!

The surge in interest isn't merely coincidental; it's deeply rooted in the psychology of human behavior. Why has K-Culture captured the hearts of millions worldwide, particularly in the Philippines?

Escapism and Fantasy

The allure of escapism and fantasy lies at the heart of the K-Culture craze. For Filipinos seeking an escape from the routine, K-dramas offer a captivating alternative that allows them to immerse themselves in a world of romance, adventure, and excitement.

According to a study conducted by Kircaburun et al. (2021), Mukbang watching has been found to have beneficial consequences. It seems to alleviate feelings of loneliness and social isolation by creating a virtual social community.

Emotional Resonance

Whether it's a heart-wrenching K-drama or an upbeat K-pop song, the content resonates deeply with viewers and listeners alike.

Korean artists masterfully convey raw emotions and universal themes like love, friendship, and perseverance, creating a strong emotional connection with fans. This emotional resonance fosters a sense of camaraderie among Filipino fans, who find themselves sharing similar experiences and emotions, making them feel understood and validated.

Identification and Relatability

K-Culture often portrays characters and situations that Filipinos can relate to on a personal level. The struggles, aspirations, and triumphs depicted in K-dramas mirror real-life challenges, fostering a sense of identification with the characters.

This relatability allows Filipino fans to see themselves in the stories, reinforcing their emotional investment in the content.

Cult of Personality

K-pop idols play a significant role in the K-Culture craze. The idol-fan relationship is built on admiration and adoration, leading to a powerful psychological bond known as the "parasocial relationship."

Filipino fans feel a strong connection with the idols, even though it is largely one-sided. This devotion translates into fierce loyalty, driving them to support their idols wholeheartedly.

Social Influence and Fandom Culture

The global reach of K-Culture is also attributed to social influence and fandom culture. Social media platforms enable Filipino fans to connect, share content, and form online communities centered around K-pop groups and K-drama series. This sense of belonging to a like-minded community further enhances the emotional investment in the culture.

Additionally, social influence plays a significant role when Filipinos observe their peers expressing enthusiasm and interest in K-Culture, leading them to explore through the P-pop envasion. Some of the P-pop groups are XLR8, Down to Mars, SB19, and Pointen (Hicap, 2012).

The K-Culture craze will likely continue to captivate and inspire millions worldwide, including the growing community of Filipino fans, as it evolves to meet changing psychological needs.

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Challenging the Societal Pressure to Get Married

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Tue, 04 Jul 2023 06:46:00 +0000

Have you ever wondered why there's so much pressure to get married, even though it's not a requirement?

It's like a weight that suddenly falls upon you the moment you hit 25 and enter the realm of adulthood. The quarter-life crisis hits you like a tidal wave, and you find yourself grappling with responsibilities you never thought much about before.

You're expected to secure a good job, earn a certain amount of money, and, of course, find a life partner. But let's be honest, getting married doesn't hold the same importance as building a successful career or creating a better life for yourself. Yet, those around you seem to believe that hitting a certain age automatically means it's time to settle down and start a family.

I've personally experienced this firsthand. I've been with my husband for 12 years, including our time as girlfriend and boyfriend. When I was single, I constantly faced relentless questioning about when I would settle down. Now that I'm in a committed relationship, I understand why people are curious about it, but I, too, had my own uncertainties. I had no clue when my partner would pop the question, and I eagerly anticipated that moment. Social gatherings became a breeding ground for constant pressure and interrogations.

But here's the thing: regardless of whether that proposal comes when expected or not, the lingering feeling of needing to get married takes a toll on your mental and emotional well-being. It becomes an additional burden amidst all the other significant responsibilities and pressures life throws at you.

CULTURAL SIGNIFICANCE

Now, let's talk about the cultural significance attached to marriage. In some cultures, it still carries immense weight as a symbol of social status. Marriage is considered the cornerstone of family life and the foundation for raising children. In these cultures, the pressure to get married is even more intense. Think of Asian countries, where parents often arrange marriages for their children. It's deeply ingrained in their traditions and beliefs.

SOCIAL ANXIETY

Then there's the social anxiety that comes along with not being married. Imagine attending any social gathering—a party, a family event, or even a casual get-together. All you see are people your age who are either getting married, preparing for marriage, or happily discussing their married lives. And if you're not in that boat, brace yourself for a barrage of questions from relatives who feel it's their duty to pester you about finding a partner. It's enough to make anyone apprehensive about socializing and meeting new people.

BURNOUT

The pursuit of marriage can also lead to burnout. When you invest significant time and energy into searching for a life partner and things don't go as planned, it's easy to lose hope and become overwhelmed by disappointment. It becomes a draining cycle that takes a toll on your emotional well-being.

And let's not forget about the impact this pressure has on mental health. My uncle, who had cared for me during my younger years, chose not to attend my wedding. He felt a deep sadness within himself, as he remained unwed and was ten years older than me. He had experienced two failed engagements, which only added to his sense of melancholy. It's heartbreaking to witness someone you love suffer under the weight of societal expectations.

DEPRESSION

The pressure to get married can trigger feelings of sadness and hopelessness, especially when it seems like finding a partner or achieving your goals is an elusive endeavor. The social shaming disguised as concern from loved ones is disheartening, and it can make you feel like your support system is crumbling.

It's vital to understand that marriage should be an equal union between two individuals who are deeply in love, rather than a means to fulfill an identity or seek validation.

Moreover, in today's modern era, it's crucial to approach sensitive topics with more empathy and understanding. Just imagine the emotional hurt caused by asking a woman when she'll settle down while she patiently waits for her boyfriend to propose. Such remarks can inflict significant pain.

Let's strive to be more sensitive and considerate toward others, allowing them to follow their own paths and find happiness in their own time.

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Stop Feeling Guilty for Taking a Well-Deserved Break

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Sat, 26 Mar 2022 02:19:00 +0000

It's been a while since I've had the luxury of time to pour my thoughts out in an expressive post. You see, I needed to put a halt on blogging to focus on other important matters such as completing my graduate studies, professional website writing, and working full-time for an HR consulting firm.

"How many hours do you have in a day, Anna?" a friend of mine quipped. She was so boggled by how many tasks were on my plate. Her query made me realize that slowing down is not in my nature.

Whether I am taking on a new hobby or studying new things to grow professionally and personally, I always keep myself occupied. In the rare days that I get to embody a couch potato, I relish the time I spend with my favorite shows on Netflix. I indulge in those days when I can fully relax and not think of anything else.

However, not everyone delights in the idea of slowing down. Some people feel guilty about taking well-deserved breaks.

Ask yourself: "Am I prioritizing work or school over my health?"

Our society tends to put a greater importance on our careers and academic achievements than our physical health. Many of us do not stand and stretch our legs every half hour. We do not stretch our wrists before typing. Furthermore, we do not reduce our screen time, as recommended by health professionals. It is not just our physical health that is deteriorating!

When it comes to mental health, many people are trapped in the unrealistic pressures of social media. We also do not practice boundaries when taking work calls beyond our working hours. Our minds are juggling multiple things at once that our thoughts become clouded.

It is all in the name of productivity, they say. Do you realize how detrimental it is to work hard to the point of exhaustion without having to take breaks?

A 2020 study by researchers from Staffordshire University highlighted this:

"We found that one of the best ways to make sure that you take breaks is to take them with your work colleagues, or to be encouraged to take them by your boss. If they are not physically near you, we may find it harder to act on these social prompts."

Some employees feel guilty about taking their legally entitled breaks because of the lack of social prompts. With many employees now working from home, the researchers believe that it is harder to take breaks. The study showed how these employees placed a greater importance on completing their work than giving themselves a break. The sheer volume and pressure of work influences this pattern of behavior.

Despite the sheer volume of work, punishing yourself for being human with working bounds can sacrifice your physical and mental health. I am not saying that you should stop doing your best. But you must follow your dreams without having to end up in the hospital bed because of lack of self-care. You cannot be productive if you are always tired, frustrated, and stressed!

Apart from being more productive, here are other reasons why you should take a break with no guilt attached.

BREAKS BOOST YOUR MOOD

Studies have shown that vacations improve one's happiness. This sense of elation is even sustained after taking a break. Thus, it can affect other facets of your life such as work and school.

BREAKS BRING YOU HEALTH BENEFITS

Stress takes a toll on your well-being and affects your decision making, concentration, and physical health. Taking a break can significantly diminish your stress. Take naps too! Power naps can enhance not only your cognitive function, but also reduce your risk of health diseases.

BREAKS ALLOW YOU TO FOCUS ON YOURSELF

Oh self-love! You often look out for others and forget about yourself. Machines take time to re-charge, and so do you. Do the activities you enjoy and try to get to know yourself a little more.

BREAKS ALLOW YOU TO FOCUS ON YOUR LOVED ONES

As you are striking a balance between the pressures of school and work, you can take your loved ones for granted. By slowing down, you will be able to spend quality time with people who matter most to you. Why would you feel guilty about that?

Take a break! It is long overdue, anyway.

Sources: 1, 2, & 3

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Key Differences Between Psychologists, Psychiatrists, & Psychometricians

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Sat, 13 Mar 2021 03:03:00 +0000

Image Credits: unsplash.com

As I was scrolling thru my unread messages on a popular messaging app, a friend woke me up with an query. "What's the difference between a Psychometrician and a Psychologist?"

Interestingly, this was not the first time that I encountered this question. In the country where I am practicing, Psychometrics is a relatively new field. In fact, the first licensure examinations for Psychometrician was held in 2014. That is about 7 years ago. The public has gradually embraced the importance of Psychometricians, in various settings.

I find it helpful to discuss the differences between a Psychometrician, a Psychologist, and a Psychiatrist before I begin testing on a client. The client's "aha" moment, a moment of sudden realization and comprehension, always brings a bliss to me.

Psychiatrists, Psychologists, and Psychometricians are all students of the mind. What separates the Psychiatrist from the rest is that it can prescribe medication, whereas the other two professionals cannot. Moreover, you need to attend medical school to become a Psychiatrist. Psychiatrists work closely with neurologists, surgeons and other medical practitioners to bridge the connection between the mind and the body.

Psychologists study human behavior on many levels. You need to complete your graduate studies and pass the licensure examinations, before becoming a Psychologist. They work in many industries such as human resources and hospitals. Both the licensed Psychiatrists and Psychologists can diagnose mental health disorders.

Now let's go to the professional that assesses your mental health "vital signs" - the Psychometrician. You need a bachelor's degree to qualify for the licensure examinations.

Personally, I consider the Psychometrician as the professional who can measure the framework of your personality and other mental health areas. He or she practices the science of measurement or psychometrics. Psychometrics is the field of science associated with the development of instruments that measure knowledge, skills, and so on. Simply put, it is the Psychometrician's job to perform tests, to gather accurate results, to formulate tests, and to interpret data. They do not diagnose the client, nor do they prescribe medications.

All these professionals use their knowledge on mental health and human behaviors to aid in the healing and recovery of their patients. Now that you know the differences between these three professionals, you will be able to seek necessary help.

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The Gift of Forgiveness: The Story of Maynard and His "Friends"

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Sun, 14 Jun 2020 09:05:00 +0000

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June 5, 2020 will always hold a special place in my heart. On this day, my childhood dream of becoming a published author became a reality. The first copies of Psychology of Love, Money, & Life (#plmlbook) will be shipped in July 2020. Words cannot describe the amount of pride I carried as I glossed over the fragrant pages of my paperback. Just when I thought that things will not get more exciting than this, I finished my second book during a global pandemic.

I never thought that I would write the "True Stories of Forgiveness" while trapped in my own home due to the bounds of quarantine. Amidst the fear that brewed around me, I was inspired to create an art piece that focuses on the brighter side of life. While crafting this book, I had the pleasure of peeking inside the lives of several people. They were brave enough to share their stories of acceptance and letting go. One thing is for sure - forgiveness is subjective. It is a process of confusion, pain, anger, judgment and so much more. These intense process will ultimately lead to self-improvement and inner peace. Those are the elements we seek, after all.

I may have completed my book, but a couple of people were still willing to share their stories. Maynard's story is one of them. At first sight, I thought Maynard (not his real name) was an eccentric person who was overly eager to start a new phase of his life. Little did I know that we will become friends.

The following story was written through his lenses:

“A single rose can be my garden…a single friend, my world.”

– Leo Buscaglia

As intoxicating as the a rose to an enchanted garden, a friendship is something beautiful that I hold to the highest regard. There came a point in my life where my world revolved around my friends. Everything was perfect. Although the happiness I shared with these people were shallow, it stamped a substantial impact in my life.

A vast collection of endless memories kept accumulating until the current of high seas carried this "perfectly friendly world" towards a cold November. Reality hit me. My so-called friends betrayed my trust. They singled me out and left me. I never felt so alone. My perfect world was corrupted by the acts of two close friends whom I considered as my soul brothers. I remembered the ball of rage that I harbored throughout the years.

I knew that I screwed up. I realized that I forcefully drew my happiness from these shallow friendships. I masked my loneliness by being surrounded by these people. I equated my identity through the friendships I cultivated. I deeply believed that my salvation rested in the hands of my friends.

I was wrong!

"I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff."

-Jon Katz

I cannot continue living on unstable grounds. People will always have the ability to hurt me. This was when I realized that I have to establish a firm foundation through my faith. Let it be known that my friends are not my saviors. Jesus is!

Through this new revelation, I was able to forgive the people who wronged me. I knew that our paths were meant to cross in order for me to learn valuable lessons. I am able to love from a distance by acknowledging that separation was the spiritual health that my previous friendships needed.

It is when you start the journey of forgiveness and acceptance that you will realize - you are not only forgiving others, but you are also freeing yourself. Who am I to forsake them for their mistakes? Knowing that I am guided by my faith helped me to lift the weight of the healing process.

Image Credits: Anna Agoncillo & Andre Villar

May Maynard's story inspire you to lead a life free from resentment and the baggage of the past. If you want to read more inspiring stories like this, you may buy the upcoming book called "True Stories of Forgiveness". It will be released on November 2020. For the meantime, you may pre-order the #plmlbook through contacting subscribetomp@gmail.com.

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How To Spot Depression In Your Family And Friends

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Mon, 20 Apr 2020 02:13:00 +0000

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Amidst the chaos of the pandemic, openly discussing about worries and fears is vital at this time. Mental health awareness can pull a body away from the drowning waves of negative emotions. With no access to Psychiatric drugs or face-to-face therapy, how can you spot depression?

Since my background is in Psychology, my friends and loved ones feel safe to divulge the stories of their lives. I listen to their problems and provide ways to help them cope. When two of my close friends were diagnosed with depression, I immediately noticed the changes in their behavior and thought patterns. A physical condition such as an infected wound is easy to spot, but depression is another story.

Little do you know that mental illnesses such as depression is persistent in the Philippines. In fact, the suicide rate in the country is 2.5% for males and 1.7% in females (per 100,000 people)! Worldwide, close to 800,000 people die by suicide every year says WHO. You can only imagine these stats increasing as we are in the climax of a crisis.

Depression is more than just the grave feelings of sadness. It is a serious mental illness that negatively affects one’s overall functioning. The experience of depression varies for each individual. While others may feel scared with their impending doom, some may feel apathetic about the entire situation. Evidence have shown that men have a tendency to feel restless and angry when they are depressed.

Read more: DEPRESSION, AWARENESS AND COPING: KNOW DEPRESSION, NO STIGMA

No matter how your friends or loved ones experience depression, it will interfere in their ability to function at home and at work. Sometimes they may feel as though nothing will change. However, you must help them realize that the feelings (e.g., helplessness or hopelessness) are driven by the symptoms of depression and not by the reality of the circumstance.

These symptoms must last for at least two weeks for a diagnosis of depression to be made:

1. Feeling sad or having a depressed mood,

2. Loss of interest or pleasure in the activities once enjoyed (i.e., Anhedonia),

3. Changes in appetite (e.g., weight loss or gain),

4. Troubles in sleeping (e.g., insomnia or hypersomnia),

5. Loss of energy or excessive fatigue,

6. Increase in restless activities or slow movements,

7. Feeling worthless or guilty,

8. Difficulty in thinking, concentrating or making decisions,

9. And thoughts of death or suicide.

It is crucial that you recognize these symptoms in its early stages in order to help your loved ones who are in need. As a mental first aid to mend the emotional scars that your family members or friends have, introduce them to these hotlines.

The NCMH crisis hotline is accessible through 0917899-USAP (8727) or 989-USAP in the Philippines. For Singaporeans, you may call the 24-hour SOS hotline at 1800-221-4444 or write to pat@sos.org.sg. For people in United States you may reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

Human beings fear the unknown. This is why the lack of knowledge about mental illnesses lead to increased fear, negative sentiments, and social stigma. Despite the unpleasant these, you must educate yourself and others about it. Understanding the mechanisms of depression may help build a supportive environment wherein depressed individuals can feel safe to seek treatment.

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Why Do We Love?

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Wed, 08 Apr 2020 06:46:00 +0000

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As negativity infiltrate social media and as unfortunate events make noise, it takes conscious effort to highlight the goodness in the world. Hence, I steered my focus on love. Why do we love?

Love is addicting, beautiful, heart-breaking, and exciting! Often, these descriptions are felt at the same time. Why do we choose to put ourselves inside this emotional roller-coaster? Does love make our lives meaningful or does it help us to escape from existential loneliness? If romantic love serves a purpose, what is it exactly?

Not one law has been put to place regarding the reason why human beings fall in love. Nonetheless, here are some interesting theories.

#1: LOVE IS AN ARTISTIC EXPRESSION

I have gathered the opinions of my Interior Designer and Photographer friends to elaborate the reason why love exists. To them, love is a form of self-expression that binds society. Acts of love are performative and creative. You perform the acts of service, time, and touch. On the other hand, you creatively express through giving gifts and words. There is a sense of fulfillment in receiving validation from your partner (or "audience").

Much like art, love helps us to connect to our audience given our imperfections. It makes life worth living!

"We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for."

- Dead Poets Society movie

#2: LOVE COMPLETES US

As cliche as this may sound, ancient Greek philosopher named Plato explored the idea that we love in order to feel complete. In his Symposium, he wrote a story about love. According to him: "humans were once creatures with four arms, four legs, and two faces. One day they angered the gods, and Zeus sliced them all in two. Since then, every person has been missing half of him or herself. Love is the longing to find a soulmate who will make us feel whole again."

Simply put, a soulmate is someone who is biologically designed for you. Meeting a person who will fill the void in your heart and who will inspire you to live is Plato's definition of love.

A friend of mine shared her views of love as an Occupational Therapist. For her, love is seeing the person as a whole despite his or her dysfunctions and difficulties. Love is looking at someone with a smile knowing completely well that you are accepted and embraced. Love is understanding all the circumstances without judgment and patiently waiting for them to engage and participate. In short, love is a process of unconditional service. This process allows the recipient to completely love himself or herself.

#3: LOVE IS NATURE'S WAY TO YIELD PROCREATION

German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer saw love as a “voluptuous illusion” based in sexual desire. He suggested that we love because our desires lead us to believe that another person will make us happy, but we are sorely mistaken. It is nature's way of tricking us into procreating. Our fusion of love leads to consummating our children.

In contrast, a friend of mine who is a mother herself, believe that she loves her child because she can. She is generous of what her heart can give. She is useful and capable whenever she extends her love to others.

#4: LOVE IS MARKED BY BIOLOGICAL PROCESSES

Love is a biological bond marked with physiological processes such as increased levels of oxytocin and autonomic nervous system arousal specific to being in proximity to one’s partner.

Love motivates you to be near your partner. It motivates you to help your partner and allows you to be kind to him or her. All these things are believed to be essential in the evolutionary sense.

#5: LOVE LETS US REACH BEYOND OURSELVES

French philosopher Simone de Beauvoir proposed that love is the desire to integrate with another to put meaning in each other's lives. However, she was less concerned with why we love and more interested in how we can love better.

According to her, we can love better when we move away from traditional love. She saw that the problem with traditional romantic love is it can be so captivating that we are tempted to make it our only reason for being. Partners become better people, if they work together to strive for purposes that are beyond themselves.

Image Credits: The Cramming Company

Why do we love? It is better to fuse these theories together and come up with your own definition. When couples bond, there is a lot more going on than it may seem!

Sources: 1 & 2

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Quarantine Survival Guide: How To Beat The Cabin Fever

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Sat, 21 Mar 2020 07:56:00 +0000

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Due to the worldwide pandemic of COVID-19, many countries have imposed community quarantine. As we are practicing social distancing and our abilities to go to outside are restricted, many of us have felt the "cabin fever" in one way or the other. What exactly is cabin fever?

Cabin fever is not categorized as a Psychological disorder yet. However, its origins date back to the early 1800s when people were home bound due to the typhus fever. It is the unpleasant feeling experienced by a person in isolation for a period of time. It was recently described by Mr. Vaile Wright, who is a Psychologist and a Director of clinical research and quality at the American Psychological Association.

According to him, cabin fever: "involves a range of negative emotions and distress related to restricted movement: irritability, boredom, some hopelessness and even, behaviorally, restlessness and difficulty concentrating. Those would be the constellation of symptoms one might expect if they were feeling that way."

Many people can perceive being in a quarantine as being trapped in an isolation chamber created to protect us. Boredom, irritability, and hopelessness are some of the most common emotions you see on social media platforms these days. It is perfectly normal to be scared when faced with this serious pandemic that has taken many lives. Know that your feelings are valid.

Furthermore, your personality and temperament are significant factors that can affect how quickly you develop these kinds of emotions. If you are more extroverted in nature and are not used to being at home, you are more likely to be prone to cabin fever.

Wrapped with these feelings of discomfort, how can an individual rise above the situation? What worked for me is the restructuring of my thoughts. I focused on what I can control, which are my thoughts and actions. My heart melts for the people who are employed by the "no work, no pay" system. Hence, I put my energy to good use by helping these people and by donating to causes that give back to the heroic healthcare workers. These frontliners put their lives on the line so we can safely rest in our own homes. They should be commended for their dedication and bravery.

Secondly, since most companies are employing the "work from home" system, it is best to establish a routine. Do not treat this current situation as a vacation. Instead, follow a concrete schedule that dictates the flow of your day. For instance, I usually take the 7 am to 4 pm shift or the 8 am to 5 pm shift. I found that re-decorating my room and turning it to an office helped me to stay in the zone.

Mixing up your living space can help you beat the boredom that comes with the cabin fever. Revamp your old furniture or DIY your home decorations every week. Invite your family members in these artistic projects so you can make your home feel fresh every now and then. Use the resources which are readily available to you.

Thirdly, I dedicate a portion of my time to go on a quick walk within our driveway. I do this to get some Vitamin D and to breathe fresh air. Social distancing does not mean that you have to completely isolate yourselves indoors. You can still walk in your driveway provided that you are following strict preventive measures. Please wear a mask when you are going outside of your house and sanitize as soon as you go inside.

Fourthly, you must maintain communication with others. Staying connected through online platforms is important to survive this tough situation. Whether you want to send virtual texts and Tiktoks to your loved ones or join video conferences and online communities with your friends, connecting to others can help you manage your frustrations. Moreover, take it as an opportunity to show how much you care about a person. You do not what can happen tomorrow!

Lastly, it helps to embrace and accept the feelings of discomfort. I know it is easier said than done! Part of what makes the cabin fever challenging right now is that we do not know how long this pandemic will last. You can feel hopeless today and feel better tomorrow as you get to understand the situation better. There is a learning curve to dealing with the cabin fever. You need to accept that being in quarantine and practicing social distancing is the new norm in order to lengthen the lifespan of humanity. The sooner you can get to a place of acceptance, the sooner you will be able to find things that are in your control.

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Remember that what you are going through is temporary and will not last forever. Personally, I am so excited to go out once more and experience everything as if I am experiencing these for the first time.

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Why You Should Let Your Emotions Flow And Focus On The Solution

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Sat, 14 Mar 2020 09:49:00 +0000

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To say that the year 2019 ran by smoothly is completely false! It was one of the most challenging years of my personal and professional life. There were moments when I find myself crying in the corner and praying that things will get better. However, the closure of one issue is the birth of another. With the unending cycle of ups and downs, I learned how to adapt to different types of situations. 2019 has thought me some of the most valuable lessons that I hold dearly to this day. Despite its punches and blessings, I would not have it any other way!

Emotional regulation was one of the priceless lessons I reaped from the past year. Emotions - we all have them - but can we control them?

According to the British naturalist Charles Darwin, emotions motivate people to response quickly to stimuli in the environment. This helps improve the chances of success and survival. In contrast, the Cannon-Bard theory of emotion states that we feel emotions and experience physical reactions (e.g., sweating, trembling, or muscle tension) simultaneously. Nonetheless, we can define emotion as a complex state of feeling resulting in physical and psychological changes that influence our thoughts and behaviors.

Whether you are enveloped by feelings of happiness or hunger, people make irrational choices that they are likely to regret later on. It does not matter whether you are fueled with positive or negative emotions! Fueled with rage, a person you once trusted can turn against you in a snap. This is what happened to me.

I was on the receiving end of hatred and distaste. I will not get into so much details to respect the people involved. As an administrator, I voluntarily put myself in a situation where people can freely speak their positive and negative thoughts in front of me and behind my back.

Not everything said was 100% genuine, nor were they said in a place of peace. Technology is God-sent! However, having all this power does not mean that we will not be responsible for our actions. Instead of confronting the people who spread malicious statements or to explain myself to everyone whom they spread it to, I let my actions speak for itself.

I took some time to analyze the situation and came up with two efficient ways to look at things. Believe me, it took me a long time to free myself from the feelings of hurt. This is why I focused on what I can control - my thoughts and my actions. Quitting is not an option! Firstly, you can brush off the negative comments of others as you know the true contents of your heart. Secondly, you can understand where they are coming from and improve the standards of work that you have been putting out. These two perspectives helped me to grow as the year went along.

No matter how badly or poorly a person treats you, turn the other cheek! You do not want to act irrationally or say things you do not mean. Letting our emotions get the best of us can result to decisions that are not given much thought to.

Whenever I am faced with a stressful situation, I try to isolate myself first or let my emotions flow. Once it simmers down, I analyze the situation at hand and think of possible solutions. Then, I go back to the person involved and communicate openly and respectfully.

I can vividly recall the time when I had to say: "I understand that accidents happen and no one intends this to happen. I would rather not blame anyone and focus on the solution." Whether it is guilt or frustration that dictates your motivations, nothing good can ever come from a place of intense emotions. Try to understand where the person is coming from and accept your limitations. Accepting the situation does not mean you fully agree with a behavior. Instead, you are simply opening yourself to the gift of forgiveness and moving forward.

Image Credits: pixabay,.com

Letting go of intense emotions and focusing on what matters the most is such a freeing feeling! It goes without saying that I am grateful for everything I have experienced in the past. I would have not grown if it were not from my mistakes, my emotional regulation, my faith, my act of acceptance, and my journey to forgiveness. These are all part of the fun! May my story help you one way or another.

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Why Is It So Hard To Trust?

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Sun, 14 Jul 2019 11:30:00 +0000

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It is difficult to encapsulate the true meaning of the word TRUST.

Generally speaking, trust is the firm belief on someone or something. You may also attach "vulnerability" to the act of trust. Vulnerability in terms of showing someone's unwavering strengths and hidden weaknesses. It is so interesting to see how a single word carries a different weight from one person to another. What's more? There are two types of trust according to the Social Psychologists.

THE TWO POLES

When it comes to the game of love, there is a reason why your closest friends advice you to think with your head and not with your heart. You see, these divisions have roots in the way we trust others. Social Psychology states that the two types of trust are Cognitive and Affective Trust.

As the name suggests, Cognitive Trust is based on one's existing knowledge and exposure to evidence. This is also called as "trusting with your head". On the other hand, Affective Trust exists due to the emotional ties we build with others. It is the confidence we place on others based on our intersections with them.

ITS PSYCHOLOGICAL ORIGIN

Several renowned Developmental Psychologists studied how trust first develops in children. These scholars include Erik Erikson, John Bowlby, and D.W. Winnicott. Each wrote about the origins of trust and how it played a part as the child grows up.

Among these proponents, Erikson's Psychosocial Stages stood out. According to him, infants develop the fundamental trust when they have successfully resolved the first psychosocial crisis or opportunity in life. I am referring to the conflict between Trust and Mistrust. Being raised by adults who consistently respond to the one's needs increases the level of trust felt by the infant within the first year. Higher levels of trust in children are closely related to secure attachment patterns in adulthood.

In contrast, numerous aversive childhood experiences that contribute to children’s mistrust or lack of confidence. For instance, the adults in his or her life may be inconsistent in delivering promises or responses. Do not get me started with neglect! This level of mistrust can be spilled over to adulthood.

SELF-PRESERVATION

Adults with trust issues often act the way they do to preserve themselves or to spare their own feelings. Mistrust and suspicions are strongly influenced by their inner voices. Said inner voice is part of the defense mechanism we build as children.

Now, it is difficult to battle with an inner voice who has been antagonistic ever since. The critical inner voice is the culprit that triggers trust issues in these people's closest relationships.

DECEPTION

Another reason why trust is too hard to give is because of the presence of deception.

I cannot stress how important trust is in any intimate relationship. Strong relationships such as the ones built in matrimony should be founded by honesty and openness. Trust is the glue that holds the relationship together because it facilitates confidence in each other as well as a positive emotional connection. Loyalty, affection, and love are influenced by mutual trust. In fact, presence of Oxytocin can be observed in happy couples whose relationships are glued by mutual trust. The same neuropeptide can be seen in the bond between newborns and mothers.

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What happens when your partner cheats? Deception or betrayal of trust can have a more damaging effect on the relationship compared to the affair itself. Lies shatter the reality you built on mutual trust. Moreover, your subjective experiences and perceptions related to your partner would change. This is why trust is something that you have to earn throughout the course of your relationship.

TRUSTING AGAIN

Trusting someone with your heart is one thing. Trusting a company with your nest is another! It comes as no surprise that finding someone who you can trust with your own house is a challenging task.

Image Credits: facebook.com/3acesinteriors

There is only one brand I trust when it comes to home renovations, interior design, plumbing, and electrical services. You can surely count on 3 Aces Interior Designs and Furnishing. Contact 576-3591 for more information on how you can create your own dream space!

Sources:1 & 2

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It Took Me Two Decades To Realize These

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Sun, 04 Nov 2018 07:00:00 +0000

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Life is a journey of self-discovery. These past few months, I have noticed a significant slump on the road. Many seemingly minuscule and massive events made me realize how important it is to undergo a personal cleanse.

No! I am not referring to the latest dietary cleanse or juice fast in the market (which I probably consider). I am referring to taking necessary actions to become a better version of myself. Actions needed to become a better daughter, a better friend, a better co-worker, a better partner, and a better person.

I turned to social support, spirituality, and Philosophy for guidance. A school of thought that shifted my mindset entirely is Stoicism. Stoicism highlights the division between what is happening to the world and how we emotionally respond to it. It is founded by Zeno, a wealthy merchant who had lost it all. In his despair, he turned to Philosophy for strength.

Stoicism helps us deal with our lives through virtues such as logic, temperance, justice, and courage. It encourages its followers to submit to the hardships or good fortune without complaints. Instead, you must understand the world and the people around you in a fair manner.

Deep introspection made me realize these important points. Firstly, I realized that there areas of my life that I took as responsibility. I saw the act of helping as a responsibility instead of coming from a place of generosity. Genuine generosity should come from a place of understanding that you can lessen the burden of someone you care about. Now, the acts of responsibility are slowly turning to acts of love.

I came to realize that my words can hurt as much as physical offenses. Being honest and direct may be beneficial for some people, but it is not always the case. There are others ways to show how much you care and one way is to speak from a place of respect. Think about how others will be affected by your opinions, suggestions, or jokes.

I came to realize how dreadful it is to be obsessed with social media. It feeds on your energy as you compare your life to others. Constantly comparing what I have or do not have to what I can observe in the environment contributed to some of my actions in the past. A Stoic exercise that helped me was Negative Visualization. Negative Visualization is a technique that encourages you to contemplate on negative outcomes. What will happen if you do not have a job or your beloved one passed away? Doing this exercise will make you realize how blessed you truly are. It made me thankful for the things I used to take for granted.

I came to realize that Ellen Degeneres was right. We must "be kind to one another". I do not know what your going through, neither do you. We are all tackling a battle in silence. Thus, we need to treat each other with kindness. Lessen the gossips and judgments and practice kindness instead.

I do agree that no matter how much you try to change or have changed, some people will still dwell on what you have done wrong. When this happens, the best that I can do is to accept. Accept that the perceptions of other is beyond my control.

You see, I came to realize that the only thing that I can control is myself. It is easier to overcome the hurdles if I put things in the right perspective. We need to stop blaming others for the things happening in our lives and start being accountable for everything.

Many of my negative emotions are based on mistaken judgments. Because these are based on my judgments, it means that these are within my control. Again, it goes back to leading my thoughts in a positive path. I need to forgive myself for the mistakes I committed in the past. You do too. Forgive yourself, let these negative energy go, find a solution, and move forward!

All meaningful and lasting changes start from the inside. Wish me luck in this journey!

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How Can You Prevent Insomnia?

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Sat, 08 Sep 2018 08:19:00 +0000

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By definition, Insomnia is the difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep. Individuals with Insomnia often report feeling dissatisfied with their sleep and usually experience one or more of the following symptoms: fatigue, low energy, difficulty concentrating, mood disturbances, and decreased performance in work or at school.

It is important to note that Insomnia's definitions have changed in the recent years. For decades, the disorder was subdivided into two groups based on cause. Primary insomnia referred to the Insomnia symptoms that developed independently. Secondary Insomnia, on the other hand, was caused by illnesses, injuries, medication side effects, and other factors. As of 2015, both of these have been consolidated beneath the "Insomnia" umbrella. Because insomnia is a serious disorder, treatment should be considered a top priority whether the symptoms have occurred independently or as a result of other factors.

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When preventing Insomnia, the first thing that you must look at is the sleep hygiene. A lot of the recommendations for preventing insomnia could fall under the rubric of sleep hygiene. Let us call out a few:

Avoid exercise too close to bedtime.
Avoid caffeine too close to bedtime.
Do not nap during the day
Get up at the same time every day, including weekends or days when you do not work.
Stick to a regular work schedule.

Also, it is recommended to maintain a sleep diary even when you are sleeping well. You do not have to do this indefinitely! Take notes for about a month and when sleep is going well. That way, you will have a reference for when sleep goes awry. You will be able to look back at your exercise regimen, eating patterns, noise levels, room temperature, rising and retiring times.

Taking proactive steps in preventing Insomnia is a crucial part of having a good night's sleep!

Source: Based on the article by Tuck Sleep, a company whose primary mission is to promote quality sleep.

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How To Interact With Needy Individuals (Including Yourself)

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 03:32:00 +0000

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Before we get down to business, I must define what neediness and being needy really is.

Neediness is considered as a condition of indigence. People with low socioeconomic status feel this condition. On the other hand, a needy person is insecure and codependent. He or she usually uses tactics to gain approval, attention, or both.

As with everything, there are two sides of the story. There are those who deal with the needy individuals and those who deal with their emotional conflicts. Continue reading on to know more!

DEALING WITH YOUR PERSONAL WOES

Excessive amounts of emotional neediness can be problematic. Here are some ways to overcome said feelings.

#1: TAKE A BREATHER

Go and press the pause button! You deserve a short break to escape from the suffocating grasp of neediness. Recognize that irrational fear is the problem. It is the root of your insecurity and co-dependence.

What must you do next? You must clear your thoughts. Use positive stress management tools such as mindful meditation or breathing exercises. Doing so may just reduce your impulse to act out of neediness.

#2: IDENTIFY THE SOURCE

With an uncluttered mind, it is time to uncover the sources of your irrational fear. What are your unmet desires? Do you ask to be heard by your spouse or to be recognized by your boss? Noticing patterns of negative emotions can help you with your investigation. Negative emotions include jealousy, anger, frustration, vengefulness, and sadness.

#3: GET SOCIALLY CONNECTED

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Get your needs met not by depending on someone, but by valuing the relationship. This healthy version of dependency is more active and direct. Begin by delivering your requests in a concise manner. Do not just blindly reach for the stars! "Connectedness" is about acknowledging the needs of both parties.

#4: LEARN FROM EXPERIENCE

A significant part of maturity comes from experiential learning. You may find a good friend or a professional life coach that will help you through your emotional journey. Nonetheless, learning entails accepting your situation and developing new and healthy ways to overcome it.

DEALING WITH THE NEEDY PEOPLE AROUND YOU

Whether you interact with needy individuals out of guilt or obligation, our feelings toward these people are often a reflection of how we tackle our own needs. It is complicated!

#1: SET THE BOUNDARIES

You may feel that someone is nauseatingly needy when you perceive yourself as an inappropriate target. So, state your boundaries. How close can that person get to you? If you do not want a relationship at all, say so. Do not string someone along romantically or make him or her believe that you are friends.

#2: CREATE NECESSARY SPACE

The next step is to politely limit your interactions with the needy individual. Gradually distance yourself to reaffirm your desire for less contact. For instance, it is confusing to state that you are not friends when you continue inviting a certain individual for social events and personal gatherings.

#3: LEARN TO SAY "NO"

One of the simplest ways to free yourself from a needy person is to say "No!". When the situation calls for it, do not be afraid to encourage the person to perform the task on his or her own. Do you want to be the go-to person that he or she may come to in events of distress? Think about that!

Image Credits: pixabay.com

#4: ACCEPT THE SITUATION

When your emotional needs do not align with someone else's needs or comfort level then, a friction can exist.

You must accept that. Learn to anticipate awkward encounters or uncomfortable conversations to maintain your sanity.

Sources: 1 & 2

Best of luck! :)

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How An Anxiety Attack Changed My View On Life

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Sat, 05 May 2018 08:22:00 +0000

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LUB-DUB, LUB-DUB, LUB-DUB

I heard my heart pound as fast as it could! It was as if horses want to escape out of my chest. I was getting dizzier as time passed. Not to mention, I was sweating profusely. Every hair on my body went up! I knew I needed a break. My body's alarm system craved my attention.

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

I am happy to walk you through the beginning. From a young age, my parents and my resources have blessed with the academic skills to do well in school. I was consistently in the "higher level classes" and have been in the honor roll. I finished with undergraduate degree when I was 19 and earned Second-class honours (i.e., 2i or Magna cum laude). Soon after, I fulfilled my childhood dream by becoming an author. Few years down the road, I had set my mind to a distinct career path. I was offered a coveted promotion that people typically receive at the height of their careers.

By merely reading the above paragraph, you will get a grasp of how seemingly fast-paced my life is. Imagine my initial reaction!

THE TURNING POINT

I have to admit! I experienced burnout weeks before I was given the news of advancement. My mind was overwhelmed by the greater responsibilities that I foresaw. I had an anxiety attack. The naysayers that surround me did not help my situation. I began to listen to them. I perceived myself in a harsh manner.

Do not worry! This story does not end here.

Several factors led me to the realization that I do not want to be stuck in this unpleasant circumstance. Aiming to achieve more shall never be a hindrance to success. I needed a serious internal overhaul. So, I started exhausting my efforts to positive decisions that will make me a better person.

Here are just some of the steps that I took:

1. A wise woman once told me that "maturity comes with acceptance". I accepted my current emotional state. As much as we want to think that we are indestructible, we are not! People will experience burnout at some point of their lives. What matters is how you handle it.

2. I surrounded myself with supportive people who saw my strengths and potentials. Friends, co-workers, family members, and my significant other were there to help me uncover my authentic self.

3. Acceptance that some things are beyond your control is vital too. It led me to practicing the "art of letting go". Take a deep breathe. It gets better!

4. I saw the positive benefits of asking for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it shows how aware you are of your limits and bounds. Furthermore, you are welcoming other people's opinions.

5. Lastly, I learned how to deal with naysayers. They are there for a reason. I see them as beings waiting for their own spotlights to shine. Rather than retaliating, it is better to treat them with graciousness. Turn the other cheek!

Image Credits: pixabay.com

NEW AND IMPROVED

I learned that it is alright to fall short at times. I do not need to be perfect or to overachieve all the time. Neither do you! No matter how perfect people may seem on social media, they never are. Realize that your self-worth does not depend on your grades, career, net worth, and other societal pressures.

Please know that it is never too late for an internal overhaul! Embrace your weaknesses and transform them into your strengths.

With a braver heart and a stronger mind, I am ready for anything that life will throw at me. I know that there will be more obstacles along the way but, I am eager to conquer each one.

A robust support system and a healthier frame of mind enables me to tell you that I have never been better! ❤︎

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ASK ANNA #9: Alzheimer's and Art Therapy

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 02:26:00 +0000

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Recently, I have been given the chance to explore the relationship of Alzheimer’s Disease and Art Therapy. Here are just some of the interview questions that I answered. These information may come in handy in the future!

What are the mental capabilities of people with Alzheimer's?

The mental capabilities of people with this condition are limited. At first, they may notice mild confusion and difficulty in remembering trivial things (e.g., the location of one’s keys). Multitasking is challenging for them too!

Eventually, they may forget the names of important people in their lives. Further progression of the disorder may lead to the inability to recognize numbers and the inability to converse coherently.

What are the age-related risk factors of Alzheimer’s?

Without a doubt, “increasing age is the greatest known risk factor for Alzheimer's”. One’s risk of developing it greatly increases as you reach the age of 65. Rarely do people experience early-onset of symptoms as early as aged 30.

How can Filipino families support brain activities that are beneficial for people with Alzheimer’s?

Families can help their beloved relative/s by providing resources that trigger the "mental muscles" (e.g., crossword puzzles and adult coloring books). Instead of relying solely on medications, they may explore alternative options such as playing music. It has been shown that “musical memories are often preserved in Alzheimer's disease because key brain areas linked to musical memory are relatively undamaged by the disease.”

Try filling the room with relaxing music that will remind them of the happier times.

Image Credits: pixabay.com

How can an Alzheimer patient be engaged in art activities?

Words can fail us sometimes! Thankfully, there are other ways to express oneself including creative arts.

According to American Art Therapy Association (2014): "Art therapy is a mental health profession that uses the creative process of art making to improve and enhance the physical, mental and emotional well-being of individuals of all ages." Art therapy has been proven to improve the well being of individuals by using various mediums such as painting, sculpting, singing, and drawing.

When it comes to people with Alzheimer’s, creation of art is more than just a recreational pastime. It allows patients to express themselves and their worth. They may use this broad medium to express their thoughts and feelings.

I suggest giving activities that stimulate FREEDOM. For instance, it is better to provide a range of crayons and paint colors than by limiting them with a few pieces. Adult coloring books is a good place to start. You may also encourage them to freely illustrate their current emotions. Simply instruct to draw anything he or she wants!

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Does A Paid Cup Of Coffee Taste Better Than A Free One?

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Wed, 01 Nov 2017 02:34:00 +0000

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Paying for our purchases with cold, hard cash hurts!

Why is this so? Let us look at how one cup of coffee led to a revealing discovery in consumer science.

Avni Shah, an assistant marketing professor, relies on a latte for a morning fix. Her routine is simple. She walks into a coffee shop, orders her usual cup of joe, and swipes her card.

These steps were automatically embedded into her daily regimen - as if her morning was on repeat. However, she forgot her debit card one day. Forced to take a break from her routine, she paid for her coffee by counting her cash. As she sipped her warm cup of coffee, she felt a significant difference. The cup that she paid for cash seemingly tasted better!

You can imagine that her genuine curiosity was stimulated. Is there a correlation between our customer satisfaction (i.e., feelings associated with consuming a particular product) and our means of purchases?

Years passed and Avni became a PhD student at the Duke University. She launched a research to assess her theory.

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MUGS STORY

For her first experiment, she sold coffee mugs worth US$6.95 for a discounted price of US$2. She asked one group to pay for it with cash. The other group was asked to pay for it with cards.

She offered each buyer a new, enticing deal. She would repurchase the mug at a price they wanted. Customers who paid for cash asked for US$6.71 on average. While, the people who paid with their plastic cards asked US$3.83 on average.

Paying for something with cash was associated to increased perceived value for it.

What could account for the difference between these two groups (about US$3)?

“Those who paid with cash reported feeling more emotionally attached to their mugs. Some cash folks literally blocked their hand over the mug and said, ‘You can’t take it back!’"

There are other reasons for cash payers charging more, such as their efforts trying to find ATMs, paying bank fees, or the profit. These independent factors must be ruled out before Avni’s research could come to an irrefutable conclusion. Needless to say, another social experiment was carried out.

TO GOOD WILL

The next test involved two diverse sets of participants. One group was given US$5 in cash to donate to charity; the others were given vouchers. Ribbons were given to be worn as an expression of their donation.

The result: almost 50% of those who donated through cash wore their ribbons compared to only 14% of those who contributed through vouchers. The latter seemingly held more sense of pride with their act of kindness.

“We found that the people who donated by cash felt more connected to their chosen charities than those who donated by voucher. Cash donors also reported feeling less attached to the charities they didn’t choose."

PAYMENT HURTS

Professor Shah’s research shows that payments through physical methods like cash or cheque resulted in a greater emotional attachment to the purchased good. Conversely, intangible payments (such as digital payments) lead to less emotional attachment to the items or brands bought.

Her research complements what behavioral economists call as “the pain of payment”. According to this theory, people are generally loss averse, and we don’t like parting away with money. But when we do, we become fully aware of how much our purchases cost us.

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Seeing how our cash is depleted could immensely help us in making monetary decisions. If your budget is limited or if you want to be a exercise wiser consumerism - use cash! Stash those cards away in a safety deposit or leave it at home.

This post appeared first on the BankBazaar blog and was edited by Anna Agoncillo. BankBazaar.sg is an online marketplace in Singapore that helps consumers compare and apply for the best offers across all financial products: personal loans, home loans, credit cards & investments.

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Don Juanism: A Peek Into The World Of Womanizers

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Mon, 30 Oct 2017 14:52:00 +0000

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Womanizing is prevalent in my immediate microsystem. Several of my family members, friends, and co-workers have succumb to temptation. How many of you can utter the same sentiment? I know I am not the only one!

In the span of my crucial teenage years, I began to accept that womanizing is somewhat of a norm. I was young and impressionable. Further exposure to a diverse macrosystem enlightened my path to the complexities of casual and polygamous relationships. My innate exposure to this type of lifestyle made me curious about the possible roots of male sexual promiscuity.

As I was examining a particular case, I vividly recalled the riveting lecture given by my undergraduate professor. He stressed that some men repress their homosexual tendencies by participating in revolving sexual conquests with the opposite gender. He introduced it as the "Don Juan Syndrome" or Don Juanism. It is one of the possible explanations behind the actions of womanizers.

Don Juanism was derived from the character in the play by Spanish dramatist Tirso de Molina. By its medical definition, Don Juanism is a "male paraphilia in which insecurity about masculinity and/or latent homosexuality is masked by multiple sexual liaisons with different female partners." All these interactions are fulfilled without emotional and financial commitments. Simply put, it is a way to deal with the inner conflicts surrounding gender identification.

THE DYNAMIC ORIGINS OF DON JUANISM

Notable Psychiatrist Carl Jung believed that Don Juanism was driven by a man's unconscious desire to seek the likelihood of his mother. He does this with every woman that he encountered. Interestingly, possessing this so-called trait was not entirely negative for him.

On the other hand, Psychoanalyst Otto Fenichel highlighted that Don Juanism was associated to the "quest for narcissistic supply". Men were compelled to flee from one achievement to another in an unconscious and unceasing quest to overcome a repressed sense of guilt.

Where might this guilt come from? Dr. Bruce Kugler, a contemporary Clinical Psychologist, enumerated various scenarios that a womanizer may have experienced in his childhood.

Scenario #1: A boy is completely abandoned by his mother.
Scenario #2: A boy witnessed his father being unfaithful to his spouse or partner.
Scenario #3: A boy observed that his father or father figure abused (e.g., physical abuse or emotional exploitation) his mother or mother figure.

Dr. Kugler believes that there are many scenarios whereby a boy can acquire severe conflicts that affects gender identification, general sexuality, and so on. Experiencing these significant scenarios ignites shame and guilt over "the responsibility for what they experienced with mothering figures".

For me, you must holistically absorb the dynamic origins of Don Juanism to understand its nature better.

THE STRIKING BOOK REVIEW

In 1989, Jane Carpineto released a book review which located the roots of the Don Juan Syndrome. Carpineto focused on Don Juan's dysfunctional family situation and his fragile ego. The dysfunction in the family may revolve a philandering father, a family with difficulty to express intimacy, a childhood as "mama's boy", and so on. Let us move on to Don Juan's seemingly sensitive ego.

"Adept at sniffing out partners and sweeping them off their feet, they are unable to endure an intimate one-on-one-relationship for fear their feet of clay will show."

To Carpineto, womanizers rarely undergo reform. Partners are encouraged to establish a plan to end the unhealthy relationship or to seek professional help.

Image Credits: pixabay.com

PARTING THOUGHTS

Without posing judgement on the actions of male promiscuity and the issues of homosexuality, may this article widen your knowledge on Don Juanism. This is a sole explanation for the core of womanizers. Please explore other theories to get a comprehensive view of a particular person.

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How Does The "Beauty Premium" Affect Your Salary

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Tue, 09 May 2017 14:52:00 +0000

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We have all got that one friend who seems to have it all – conventionally possessing good looks and a well-paying job. Not to mention, the countless romances that come their way. At least in the professional sense, physical appearance is a huge factor.

Economists have long studied the “beauty premium”, a phenomenon which posits that those who are relatively more attractive are paid more. This is regardless if the physical appearance is irrelevant to their line of work or performance. Nevertheless, looks can only take you so far as specific qualities help to bring a bigger pay check back home.

DISPELLING THE BEAUTY PREMIUM

To analyse potential workings of the beauty premium, researchers from the London School of Economics and Political Science and the University of Massachusetts in Boston looked at a representative sample from a longitudinal study. Notably, the survey participants’ physical attractiveness had been measured by interviewers on a five-point scale over the last 13 years (i.e., 1= “very unattractive” to 5 = “very attractive”). The respondents were also asked for their gross earnings of the previous years.

Simply put, the researchers found a significant relationship between salary and levels of attractiveness.

PAYING WITH YOUR PERSONALITY

In a study by Dr, Satoshi Kanazawa, he argued that: "Physically more attractive workers may earn more, not necessarily because they are more beautiful, but because they are healthier, more intelligent, and have better personality traits conducive to higher earnings." This doesn’t mean that talent and your actual job performance have no bearing on your salary, but your attitude and personality at work can help your professional pursuits too.

For instance, offices benefit from conscientious employees who are organised and focused on the company's goals despite of the various challenges.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Physical appearance may affect the opportunities you receive at work, but this does not mean that you have to break the bank to fulfill your fitness goals. You’re better off scaling up the salary ladder by upping your skills as a dedicated worker! Well, you shall not completely shut your doors to grooming.

There’s a reason why we put our best foot forward during job interviews. People make snap judgments at first, even if those may turn out to be invalid as time passes. Make it a point to dress sharply at work, in hopes of securing a good and lasting impression.

Image Credits: pixabay.com

This post appeared first on the BankBazaar blog and was edited by Anna Agoncillo. BankBazaar.sg is an online marketplace in Singapore that helps consumers compare and apply for the best offers across all financial products: personal loans, home loans, credit cards & investments.

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Debunking Popular Myths Surrounding Introverts

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Sat, 01 Apr 2017 05:16:00 +0000

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Open your eyes and observe diverse human interactions. Notice how many people make countless assumptions about introverts. I have to be honest with you. Most of these assumptions are unpleasant and negative. Introverts are portrayed by the media as aloof, snob, weird, or odd individuals. They carry these assumptions without justification. I, for one, am tired of this narrow-minded way of thinking.

In behalf of my fellow introverts, here is a PSA. May it shed a glistening light on the subject at hand.

MYTH #1: INTROVERTS DO NOT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE.

There is an abundance of stereotypes posed on introverts. For starters, they are perceived to be socially anxious and judgmental. This may sound shocking to you, but introverts like other people. They simply favor the quality over the quantity of relationships. Introverts prefer cultivating a small group of trusted friends rather than exploring the possibilities of having a larger network of acquaintances.

Picture a company Christmas party where all employees are mandated to come. You will most likely catch an introvert from the sidelines. The extroverted boss may interpret this as not wanting to join in the fun, but observation is enjoyable for an introvert. Some people may misinterpret the act of observation as the act of judgment.

MYTH #2: INTROVERTS ARE NOT CAPABLE OF MAKING FRIENDS.

Please do not think that introverts are incapable of making friends. They simply find it challenging as it takes time for them to open up. Introverts select friends based on the likelihood that they would make worthy companions in the long run. They usually confide in one or two people intimately.

Interestingly, our brains might have something to do with making new friends. A relatively new study suggests that human faces seem to hold more meaning for extroverted individuals than for their introverted counterparts. More so, the brains of the introverts did not seem to distinguish between the human faces and the inanimate objects.

MYTH #3: INTROVERTS ARE ALL SHY.

Perhaps the most common misconception that the majority holds against the introverts is that they are innately shy. Contrary to that belief, introverts are able to speak in front of a crowd. I have this friend who carries superb public speaking skills despite being an introvert. He would balance things out (i.e., balance the energy spent in social situations) by isolating himself in the room after the talk. But, that is besides the point.

Introverts are generally not shy, because shyness is characterized by being fearful in a social situation. The actions of the introverts are motivated. It depends on how much they need or want to be in distinct interactions.

MYTH #4: INTROVERTS ARE UNHAPPY OR DEPRESSED.

One of society's unwritten rules is that socially outgoing activities convey happiness. Why else would you post your surprise party on Instagram? Introverts are not less happy. You see, their level of happiness are influenced by different things.

Because introverts have a tendency to be easily stimulated, they look for activities that are "low key". These said activities include having a relaxing massage or scribbling in a calligraphy pad. On the flip-side, extroverts have a high-arousal positive affect. They exude a more highly visible and upbeat happiness.

Think about these! There is nothing wrong with these two dichotomous types of happiness.

Image Credits: pixabay.com

I shall close this article by sharing the wonderful words written by Susan Cain in her book entitled: "The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking".

“They (introverts) prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.”

Seek to understand the true nature of an introvert!

Sources: 1, 2, & 3

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ASK ANNA #8: Handling Self-Loathing And Emptiness

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Thu, 16 Mar 2017 05:05:00 +0000

Click the title to read more. Visit Ask Anna Page to find out how to ask!

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Feline asks...

Lately, I feel like I'm useless and I can't do anything right. Sometimes, I'm very sensitive and I'm very ashamed because I think everyone thinks I do not do anything good. I kind of hate myself.

Additionally, I've seen my parents argue in front of me because of my father's infidelity and I start to feel empty and lacks to do anything. It also seems like i can't feel extreme emotions anymore. I just feel empty.

Can you help me? And thank you in advance.

Anna says...

I understand the weight of your situation right now. Your father's infidelity and their marital woes can affect your attitudes toward love and relationship. It may even impact your ability to trust others. In this difficult time, I recommend that you reach out to others for emotional support. Assistance from people who understand what you are going through (e.g., school therapist or friend with the same situation) can help you to deal with it healthily. How old where you when this infidelity occurred?

Let us move on to the symptoms that you have been experiencing. It sounds to me that what you are describing are present with someone who has depression. I cannot confirm that fully as I do not know how long you have been experiencing this. Anyway, these are the symptoms of depression:

– Fatigue
– Recurring thoughts of self-harm and death
– Low energy or mood
– Uncontrollable bouts of crying
– Excessive sleep or loss of sleep
– Loss of appetite
– Sudden weight loss or weight gain
– Loss of interest or pleasure in all or most activities once deemed pleasurable
– Inability to function in daily living activities
– Inability to meet social or work commitments
– Poor concentration or memory
– Irritability, agitation or psycho-motor retardation noticed by others
– Feelings of guilt and anger
– Self-loathing
– Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness

Learn to recognize whether these symptoms apply to you. Ways to cope are available at: Know Depression, No Stigma.

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If you experience the overwhelming signs of depression (i.e., reckless behavior and suicidal thoughts), please seek help immediately.

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She Is Braver Than She Thinks: A CBT Experiment On Social Anxiety

noreply@blogger.com (misspsychobabble) — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 03:03:00 +0000

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If you cannot brace the overwhelming attention given by other people, do your best to fit into the ideal. Let us face it! We live in a society that is governed by a set of standards. This is why we employ dress code at workplaces and guest etiquette at weddings. Most of us have a preconceived notion that conforming with the majority leads to wider acceptance and to less judgement. But, is this always the case?

GETTING DOWN TO BUSINESS

Last month, I had the privilege to partake in a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) whereby a subject was tasked to address certain thoughts with the aid of Exposure therapy. Exposure therapy occurs when there is a gradual interaction between the person and the feared object or situation. This method works well with people who suffer from Phobia.

For the purpose of anonymity, the subject's name will be replaced by a fictional character from the Harry Potter series. Hermione is weighed down by her Social Anxiety. Social Anxiety (or Social Phobia) refers to the extreme fear of being judged by others in social situations. This is why the objective of the experiment is to disprove her assumptions that she attracts attention due to the presence of negative traits (i.e., physical appearance and other internal factors).

The premise is simple! She wore an over-the-top outfit while interacting with people in different types of places. Picture a woman with a face mask, black eye-shadow, dark clothing, and blue hair. Will you stop and stare? The mere thought of eyes gazing in her direction made Hermione's heart pound.

We carried the experiment in three places with increasing influx of people. The first stop was a secluded coffee shop. Words cannot describe how terrified she was. If I was asked to go face-to-face with something that I fear the most, I would feel the same way. The act of stepping out of the vehicle and venturing to the coffee shop was a huge accomplishment in itself.

Decked with the Gothic fashion, she expected at least 15 stares from strangers. Oh! She was mistaken. Only 5 people gave her the time of day as others were preoccupied with their business. They glanced for a few seconds and went back to their personal conversations. At the end of the first stop, she mustered the courage to visit a tourist spot.

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You read that right! We took Hermione to a tourist spot where 4 travel buses pulled up. Despite the rainy weather, people flooded the souvenir shops. It was too late to back down! Out of all the guests, about 6 people stared. There was a particular moment that touched our hearts. A kid was so fascinated by her eye-catching looks that he told his mother about it.

She continued to interact with the vendors politely. I was so PROUD of her.

As we reach the end of our experiment, she became more comfortable with what she wore. The last stop was a popular fast-food joint. She anticipated that over 20 people would stare, but less than 10 people cared! She realized that people were "too self-absorbed". They would unintentionally stare for a while. It is a normal response, which is likely a result of biological and evolutionary factors.

FITTING INTO THE IDEAL

When was the last time you tried to fit into the ideal to be accepted? Was this an efficient solution to experience less scrutiny from the society? Well, it works in most cases.

A crucial point of this experiment was self-expression. Do not be afraid to welcome the piercing stares. Looking is all that they can do, anyway. Feel free to break away from the majority as long as you do not commit crimes or harm others. Make a difference.

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Re-framing your robust thoughts may not be easy, but it is possible! Hermione understood that. Much like her, you are braver than you think.

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