Curious Snippets

Markets Need Morals?

2009-09-29T17:56:00.001+01:00

Prime Minister Gordon Brown has said financial markets need "morals" if they are to function properly.

Yep. Non-coercion. Voluntary exchange. Tick.

Oh. I see.

Quotas?

2009-09-07T19:05:00.001+01:00

Why is it the first thing that springs to mind when I saw the headline "BBC fears Fiona Bruce will quit" is "I bet that's because they can't afford to lose a high profile woman"?

Have I turned into a pure cynic, with no optimism?

Meerkats & Racism

2009-08-25T17:00:00.001+01:00

Oh just fuck off you tiny fucking fuckstick!!! And the rest of you wet fucking drippy thin-skinned liberals whose life purpose it is to seek out offence.

I am not going to add anything to what Cardiff Blogger has already said.

(save to say that Peter Jones is an almighty cunt)

What Makes A Superpower Super?

2009-08-06T10:52:00.001+01:00

I have just seen an advert on the Guardian's Comment Is Free website asking the following questions...

What makes a superpower super?...Guns?...Money?...Oil?...Or a world-class healthcare system?

Yep, none of those. I wonder what their answer is?.....Oh wait.....I see what they've done!

Sexting

2009-08-04T14:23:00.001+01:00

Problem...

A worrying number of teenagers are swapping or being bullied into "sexting" or sending intimate photos on their mobiles, police and a children's charity have warned.

One former "sexter" said she almost left school when a photo she sent her ex-boyfriend ended up in the wrong hands.

Helen, not her real name, told Newsbeat she was 14 when she sent a series of topless photos to her 15-year-old boyfriend.

"He had just threatened to dump me and said if I took them we could get back together," she said

Solution...

Don't taking fucking photographs of yourself naked.

Jeez

2009-07-28T14:06:00.001+01:00

It's funny what you can find on YouTube. These people have the vote!

Top 60 Ghetto Black Names

2009-07-27T17:37:00.001+01:00

Green Party Broadcast

2009-07-21T08:35:00.001+01:00

Now a party political broadcast by the Green Party*

For legal reasons I should point out this is not a real PPB by the Green Party

Chase Those Chips, Fatty

2009-07-10T15:47:00.001+01:00

I did feel slightly guilty at chucking over this story. Then I got over it and laughed some more.

Children taking part in a study to measure how much exercise they do fooled researchers by attaching their pedometers to their pet dogs.

Genius. What made the researchers suspicious?

"But after a week we found there were some kids who were extremely active but still obese," said Professor Maffulli.

The scales don't lie chubby cheeks! But this I find find quite bizarre...

Once adjusted to take into account the help from pets, the study indicated that boys in the borough walk or run 12,620 steps a day, below the recommended level of 15,000 steps.

It also found that girls take 10,150 steps, falling short of the recommended 12,000 steps.

Huh? Ok, I get the calorie thing and why women have a lower limit, but why should women have a lower recommended 'step count'? Well, actually I can sort of see that as well, but why should women walk any less distance than men during the day? 2,500 steps less in fact.

Is it because they cunningly get us men to run around after them, fixing their mistakes, and generally working harder? I want answers!

Oh, Just Remembered

2009-07-09T12:23:00.001+01:00

My morning has just been ruined due to my remembering a very annoying thing yesterday.

I was listening to some news programme, and they were talking about teenage pregnancy rates. Some do-gooder being interviewed said something about us having to help 'people at risk of teenage pregnancy'!!! The words used which i distinctly remember were "at risk".

I'm sorry, it is not a disease. You cannot be "at risk" of pregnancy unless you are the Virgin Mary*. I suggest that we immediate solve this problem by telling all "at risk" girls to KEEP THEIR FUCKING LEGS TOGETHER!

*And what a load of crock that is! Worst excuse ever, and the gullible husband fell for it.

Artificial Sperm

2009-07-09T10:22:00.001+01:00

News reports that scientists have grown a functioning human sperm in a lab have raised deep philosophical questions.

For instance, why is this necessary when the country is full to the brim with wankers? We could employ ex-politicians to sire children, in the knowledge that their genetics will create very socially mobile offspring. Gordon Brown, for example, posseses no identifiable merit or intellect, and yet has risen to the highest office in the land. He 'wanks higher than anybody in Wome', so to speak.

Just a thought.

Spelling

2009-07-06T12:34:00.001+01:00

Maybe the BNP simply dislike the word because it's of 'foreign' (Roman) origin?

Fuck Me

2009-07-04T23:56:00.001+01:00

They let this cunt near children?

Snigger

2009-07-03T11:29:00.001+01:00

Thanks to David Maddox for this gem. During a debate on BBC Scotland last night, marking a decade of devolution, Iain Gray, leader of the Labour party at Holyrood, boasted of the parliament's achievements:

Has it [the Scottish Parliament] made a difference?" he asked rhetorically. "Yes it has. When the Parliament started one in five children in this country lived in poverty. That's now one in three. That's significant progress."

God knows, mind you, how much more of this progress we can take.

Oh, Iain Gray was once a teacher. His subject? Mathematics, obviously...

Vote Bananas, Get Monkeys

2009-06-23T16:31:00.001+01:00

The British National Party was today accused of operating illegally and threatened with an injunction over its whites-only membership policy.

The Equality and Human Rights Commission threatened the legal action over what it claimed were “potential breaches” of race discrimination law by the far-right nationalist party

Why? For what possible reason does this make any sense whatsoever? First of all, on practical grounds, how many non-white people are going to apply for a job at BNP HQ? Surely there must be some Muslim immigrants willing to do a bit of filing? I mean it's just ludicrous. Changing the policy wont have a material impact.

But far more importantly, it should be for any private organisation to choose its own criteria for employment. And as for the membership policy of the nasty party, have the commission heard of freedom of association and freedom of assembly?

It is a tragedy that this country has come to these low depths. And that is not to mention the massive free publicity the commission will award the BNP by taking legal action, and the increase in support they will give it by pursuing this action. How about they just fuck off and stop pushing their communist equality agenda?

Gypsies get NHS priority

2009-06-18T12:46:00.001+01:00

The Telegraph reports...

Gypsies and travellers should be given priority in NHS hospitals and GP surgeries, according to Government guidance.
They should be given longer consultations, and should be seen by GPs when they walk in without an appointment, even if doctors are fully-booked.

The average length of a consultation is five or ten minutes but travellers will be given 20 minutes and allowed to bring relatives into the consulting rooms.

The guidelines have been introduced because, under race laws, gypsies and travellers are defined as minority ethnic groups and the NHS is obliged to consider their special needs and circumstances.

No, no, no. Everyone is equal, but...!

New Superman

2009-06-12T11:53:00.001+01:00

A 14-year-old German lad survived a close encounter with a meteorite when a pea-sized piece of rock travelling at 30,000 mph left him with nothing more than a "nasty" three-inch gash on his hand.

According to the Telegraph, Gerrit Blank was on his way to school in Essen when a bright light in the sky heralded the arrival of the red-hot space rock. It bounced off his hand before embedding itself in a foot-wide crater in the ground.

Blank recounted: "At first I just saw a large ball of light, and then I suddenly felt a pain in my hand. Then a split second after that there was an enormous bang like a crash of thunder."

"The noise that came after the flash of light was so loud that my ears were ringing for hours afterwards. When it hit me it knocked me flying and then was still going fast enough to bury itself into the road."

Subsequent tests on the teen-bashing space pea proved its provenance. Ansgar Kortem, director of Germany's Walter Hohmann Observatory, confirmed: "It's a real meteorite, therefore it is very valuable to collectors and scientists.

My concern is that this lad doesn't develop any superhuman powers from his brush with this extra-terrestrial rock fragment.

The kid doesn't appear to wear glasses, so if he starts wearing them in a couple of years it will be a sure sign.

Caroline Flint, Aim, Fire

2009-06-05T17:54:00.001+01:00

Caroline "I haven't read the Lisbon Treaty" Flint has resigned as Europe Minister, accusing Brown of using women in cabinet as "window dressing". But this part of her resignation letter struck me...

In my current role, you advised that I would attend Cabinet when Europe was on the agenda. I have only been invited once since October and not to a single political Cabinet - not even the one held a few weeks before the European elections.

You mean the Cabinet has ONLY discussed the EU ONCE in almost 9 months? Are you kidding? When 75% of legislation originates there it should be on every single Cabinet meeting agenda, no?

Brown Government Disintegrates

2009-06-05T11:29:00.001+01:00

Whoop, Whoop. The Brown government is at last falling apart. 3 ministers have resigned, though unfortunately only one slamming Brown.

It's death by a thousand cuts......or is the there a letter missing in that last word?

Election Issues

2009-06-04T11:44:00.001+01:00

I think the new phrase I shall be using is "..couldn't organise a vote in a polling station".

The UKIP call centre has been inundated with phone calls from angry voters saying that UKIP was not on the ballot paper. In fact in some polling stations the ridiculously large ballot paper had been folded into 3 parts and some people have missed the 3rd fold. This has been happening across the country and we have been told some voted for No2EU because they couldn't see UKIP.

Needless to say there will be a complaint. But is it too much to ask that we can run an election properly in 2009

Polly: Because Hypocrisy Is A Right

2009-06-01T21:26:00.001+01:00

The sage of Sweden delivers yet another fine piece of brain crappery to delight her devoted braindead followers. The first point of stupidity...

Throw out bad councils, and vote for Lib Dems in Europe. Don't use local polls to throw stones at national parties. But do reward the most principled pro-EU party we have

and

how extraordinary if Ukip is the chief beneficiary of the current scandal. Nigel Farage admits legally drawing £2m in EU expenses and employing his wife, while one of his MEPs was jailed for benefit fraud and another faces prosecution for laundering money and false accounting on his EU expenses. Ukip is no repository for clean-them-out sentiment, yet some polls put it second, pushing Labour into a humiliating third.

But the Lib-Dems haven't exactly been clean themselves have they pols?

There is little difference between Conservative and Ukip votes – both open the EU exit door.

Huh? I think there is a few hundred miles of clear water between UKIP and the Tories. For starters the UKIP position is the only honest one. The Tories make vague pledges with caveats padding out the detail. The Tories promise reform but deliver fuck all. UKIP wants a relationship of cooperation but where our Westminster Parliament is sovereign and has the sole authority to pass and impose laws on the British people.

If Cameron does hold an anti-Lisbon referendum, it will in effect be an in-or-out referendum – and out it would probably be. This is extreme ideological policymaking, commercially and diplomatically disastrous, riskier by far than anything Margaret Thatcher contemplated

If Polly ranks leaving the EU worse then Margaret Thatcher then it must definitely be the right move!!

But it is nonsense. Those people who argue we would lose our voice in the world by leaving the EU are the same who accuse UKIP members of believing in empire and that we can stand alone. Well, frankly, I couldn't give a damn about our 'voice' in the world. So what if we we became like Switzerland? Why the need to be a powerful force? Bit nationalistic isn't it Polly?

On present polls the combined Conservative and Ukip "out" vote conquers all. Britain has turned more anti-European after 12 years of a Labour government, despite Tony Blair promising to put us "at the heart" of Europe – even "leading in Europe". This rise in Euroscepticism is odd, as there is no onward march of the sovereignty-sapping federalism of Murdoch, Mail or Telegraph fantasy. On the contrary, the rest of Europe looks increasingly less eager for further reductions in national decision-making.

What? You mean the Lisbon treaty, which scraps over 40 national vetoes, is not integrationist? The treaty which is self amending, incorporates the fundamental charter of rights and makes the ECJ the absolute highest court in the land? Are you of your fucking rocker?

Name one single power that has been returned to national level since the EU came into existence. I'm waiting.....still waiting....!!!

But Polly has found the culprit - the root of all evil...

Who is to blame? Murdoch as usual

A nice shoehorn if ever i saw one.

It was he who pulled Blair back from joining the euro, which we may yet bitterly regret.

I'm sorry, please explain why. What about the fact that lower interest rates would have made the bubble and consequent bust even bigger, making unemployment even bigger, hitting families even harder? You fucking imbecile. But then I ought to listen to such a well educated individual...

(she had failed the Eleven Plus examination), she won a scholarship to read history at St Anne's College, Oxford, despite gaining only one A-level.^[2] During her gap year she worked for Amnesty International in pre-independence Rhodesia, before being expelled by the government,^[2] and she published a first novel, Leftovers, in 1966.^[2]

After 18 months at Oxford, she dropped out, choosing to work in blue-collar jobs in a factory and a burger bar, hoping to write in her spare time. She later said "I had a loopy idea that I could work with my hands during the day and in the evening come home and write novels and poetry, and be Tolstoy...

She reached her peak at the burger bar methinks.

This woman is an offence to intelligence. When her brain cell collides with an idea, much like nuclear fusion, they are instantaneously converted into pure ignorance in a flash of stupidity.

Brown Concern For Susan Boyle

2009-06-01T10:53:00.001+01:00

The Scottish idiot knows no bounds...

He may be under pressure over his own future, but Gordon Brown leapt to the defence of Britain's Got Talent runner-up Susan Boyle today.

Speaking on GMTV, Brown hinted that while his kids preferred Diversity, he had backed Boyle in the final.

But most noteworthy of all, the Prime Minister revealed that he had rung Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan personally last night to check if Ms Boyle was OK following her defeat. "I hope Susan Boyle is OK, because she is a really, really nice person," he said.

Was this the act of a man genuinely worried about the mental health and welfare of a fellow Scot? Or was it a cynical attempt to show he's in touch with the zeitgeist? Either way, given that Boyle is huge in America and is sure to sell records there, his words are bound to be big news in the States.

I think he just can't resist trying to micro-manage our lives and felt he had to personally intervene to ensure her welfare. The question is, when will Brown be sent to the Priory for his mental issues?

Good News Polly

2009-05-27T11:31:00.001+01:00

Polly Toynbee must be grinning from ear to ear..

The number of UK millionaires has more than halved as the recession has bitten into the earnings of the super-wealthy, a report has claimed.

There are now 242,000 millionaires across the country, down from a peak of 489,000 in 2007, said the Centre for Economics and Business Research (CEBR).

That's right, inequality is falling at its fastest rate in many years. All down to a Labour Government. Does it get any better than this, for our dear socialist?

Raising Capital

2009-05-26T00:06:00.001+01:00

Over the bank holiday weekend my mind started to wander. Whilst munching my way through a bread stick (see below), I had the following thought...

If I had gone on to Dragon's Den and pitched the idea..."You see, its bread, but its hard and in the shape of a long thin stick"...what kind of response would I have received?

I have a feeling I would hear..."You've over engineered a solution to a problem that doesn't exist...I'm out!".

And yet breadsticks are made, and sold. But I would not have walked away with the capital required to get my idea off the ground.

There is absolutely no point to this post, just that it is interesting to think the idea would have been ripped apart by 'expert businessmen' but in reality would be a great success.

Now if only I could generate some interest in my dough balls.....

Thought Of The Day

2009-05-19T14:20:00.001+01:00

Apparently the Guardian has an economics editor - LMAO!