Cyber Japan

Attack of the Cyborg School Girls

2009-12-12T06:42:00.000-08:00

Japan, a nation long known for its technological superiority (and unflagging inability to integrate it with good design - see Toyota Prius for example), have a long history of creating hi-tech robots that serve no functional purpose. Toyota created a robot that can sort-of play a trumpet and Honda made a robot that can serve tea to other robots. Every year in Tokyo, robot designers showcase their innovation in dancing droids and this past November we were able to watch what looked like a metallic kogyaru go through a series of parapara moves that would make even Aymi Hamasaki envious. Most disturbing is perhaps the fact that cyber-trance is gaining a new group of loyal, if not anymore intelligent, converts.

Japan Officially Endorses International Kidnapping

2009-10-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

After two weeks behind bars, Japan released the American father who came to Japan to re-kidnap his children after they were initially kidnapped in America by his Japanese wife and brought to Japan. Christopher Savoie had no choice but to attempt to snatch his children back because by Japanese law divorced husbands are never given even joint custody of their children, and in fact, most fathers are not able to see their children again until they are adults (20 years old in Japan). Savoie's wife knew that if she could sneak her kids back to Japan, she would be protected from those pesky egalitarian American laws which require joint custody and outlaw kidnapping. Savoie is getting support from an unlikely source: Japanese fathers who want more visitation rights. These fathers welcome all the attention the case has garnered and hope that it leads to a change in child custodial policy. Ambassadors from the U.S. and seven other countries have also chimed-in to encourage Japan to modernize its laws governing custody. But, as is the case with most Japanese laws, they are older than dirt and nobody wants to take responsibility for making any changes.

Thinking Outside the Bun in Tokyo

2009-10-03T01:46:00.000-07:00

Went to a burger joint in Kichijoji called Village Vanguard for lunch today. Since I don't eat beef, but I was in the mood for a sandwich, I asked if they could take the herb chicken that was on the menu and just put it on bread for me, and add a little cheese and onion (there was no "chicken sandwich" on the menu, just beefy all beef-beef burgers). Since this is Japan, and nothing out of the ordinary is ever tolerated, let alone requested, three wait staff and two cooks spent 10 minutes discussing the feasibility of my request (which entailed taking a few items already on the menu, and using them to create something slightly different). In the end they took a chance and I ended up with one of the tastiest sandwiches I have had in my life. This is progress I think. 10 years ago they would have just made that familiar sucking sound through their teeth, tilted their heads and said: "chyotto...."

Picture via "bantus"

Suzuki Ichiro Ejected from Game

2009-09-27T08:05:00.000-07:00

Suzuki Ichro was ejected from last Saturday's game against the Toronto Blue Jays. This was Ichiro's first ever ejection in his entire career and has some in Japan blogging that it is just the most recent example of a long string of objectionable behavior of late. Critics first started paying attention a few weeks ago when Ichiro uttered a sentence laden with polysyllabic words. Then during a recent away series on the east coast, Ichiro was spotted smiling in the locker room. Whether this deviant behavior persists or not remains to be seen. But Umpire Brian Runge thought the best way to reign in the stubbed upstart was to throw him out of the game, saying later, "something had to be done. After I called strike three on a pitch so far outside the catcher had to dive to knock it in the dirt, I saw Ichiro crack an American-style sarcastic grin. To see him suddenly confident and at ease being one of the best players in the history of the game- it was making the American players self-conscious. I mean, what is he, like 4'.8"? Obviously never took steroids. It ain't right. So I booted his spunky munchkin ass."

Japanese Style Erections

2009-08-29T01:17:00.001-07:00

This is how Japanese politicians try to get votes- sitting outside restaurants and cafes with trucks laden with loudspeakers. After they ruin everyone's dinner they drive off to annoy other innocent diners. Unfortunately, Japanese law prohibits T.V. attack adds, which we all know is how elections are fought and won in other modern democracies.

Jury Trials Return to Japan- What's Good for Guantanamo...

2009-08-07T02:03:00.000-07:00

After half a century of trials by judges only, Japan has returned to a (kind of) jury trial system. In the new format, three judges will be joined by six lay-persons to decide the fate of Japanese defendants. While juries will only be used in certain cases, there is some concern among prosecutors that changing the system might compromise the current 99% conviction rate in Japanese courts. Forced confessions at the hands of police while refusing suspects access to defense lawyers will continue unimpeded, however.

Honda to Move Motorcycle Production from Japan to Thailand

2009-08-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

Honda, the worlds largest motorcycle manufacturer plans to stop making their popular bikes in Japan, and instead import them into Japan from Thailand. The move is expected to lower the typical price of a motorcycle for Japanese consumers by about $1500. This move is similar to what American auto makers did over the past several decades when they moved manufacturing plants first to Canada, then Mexico to reduce the cost Americans pay for Fords and Buicks. While the quality of U.S. automobiles was crap even before they started getting made in Mexican shanty towns, some Japanese are worried that Honda's reputation for quality might suffer if it moves production to Thailand, where they have a completely different concept of motorcycle riding:

Japan to be More Assertive- Asks for Washington's O.K. First

2009-08-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

The conservative Democratic Party of Japan (DPJ) is poised to win the August elections and strip the even more conservative Liberal Democratic Party (LDP) of their 54-year hold on power. They say Japan has put up with confusing, antithetical political party names for too long. Their first order of business, leaders say, is to not change anything at all.

Japanese Asstronaut Wears Same Underwear for 4 1/2 Months

2009-07-30T20:50:00.000-07:00

Koichi Wakata, the Japanese astronaut who just returned from 4 1/2 months on the international space station, grossed-out his fellow aviators by disclosing to them that he had not changed his underwear the entire time. Apparently he was testing out a new type of industrial grade undie designed by the Japanese company J-Wear to be odor free and fire-retardant. Though it is not entirely clear why any company would want to make underwear designed to be worn for months at a time, there is speculation that the president of J-Wear is an 8 year-old boy prone to stinky skivvies and playing with matches.

On the Edge in Tokyo

2009-07-13T20:51:00.000-07:00

Hottest day of the year in Tokyo? Only one thing to do: Climb a mountain! Just 30 minutes from our apartment on the outskirts of Tokyo is Mt. Takao. Most people forget that most of Japan is inhospitable- covered in rugged mountains and dense forests. Notice how clearly you can see where the city abruptly ends and the nature begins. The newest Michelin Guide gave Mt. Takao 3 stars, which is the maximum putting it on par with Mt. Fuji. This distinction has also brought with it hoards of European tourists dressed in short-shorts and dress socks.

The pay off at the top: A tease of Mt. Fuji in the distance covered in clouds.

Another indication that European tourists have invaded: Coke is SOLD OUT

Visual Host Fashion Biting Gal Style

2009-07-11T08:09:00.001-07:00

A new TV program on NHK called Kawaii TV promises to feature all things "cute" for the discriminating fashionista. But "Gal's" aren't the only ones being targeted, Metrosexuals are also being encouraged to tune in. Today's show featured the growing trend of men wearing "silhouette enhancing" women's clothing, such as skinny jeans, blouses and healed boots- they are even applying light make-up. Taking things even further is the Visual Host style combining heavy metal costuming and make-up with host club coolness. Host clubs are places women go to be fawned over by handsome professional hosts- and the women pay for the service, often racking up liqueur bills in the thousands of dollars, "why don't you treat us all to a bottle of Dom Perignon?" (At least they can be sure the guys are actually listening to them.) However, as was featured on Kawaii TV, this style is seeping out of the host clubs and into the streets. The stylists took a normal looking guy and gave him the full treatment. Afterwards they invited his girlfriend on to comment. Surprisingly she was really into it and couldn't wait to show him off to her friends.

15 Minutes of Shame

2009-07-07T22:04:00.000-07:00

Adding to the already bad news of Japan's incredible shrinking population are the new statistics showing that 30,000 people a year commit suicide here. This equates to one suicide every 15 minutes. Most suicides are committed by men in their 50's, and it is believed that they do so in order to provide insurance money to their families (yes, life insurance in Japan covers suicides- do you see a possible relationship between this and the number of suicides? Apparently nobody else does.)

The skyrocketing unemployment rate of 4.4% is also believed to be behind the high rate of suicides.

People hoping to "off" themselves have plenty of options in Japan: jumping in front of the Chuo Line, walking naked into remote mountain areas to die of exposure, or joining one of the many web support groups cropping-up designed to share ideas on quick-and-easy suicide techniques. You can also use these sites to hook up with a "buddy" so you won't have to face the deed alone.

The Hybrid Hoedown Continues

2009-06-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

2011 Hybrid Supra

Not to be outdone by the other, Toyota and Honda are both rushing to release hybrid sports cars next year. You read that right, I used the words "hybrid," "sports car," and "Toyota" in the same sentence. Since Toyota has so thoroughly Prius-fied the entire automotive world, it is hard to imagine anything even remotely "sporty" to come out of that company. Toyota hasn't had a cool sports car since the Supra, and, perhaps not coincidentally, that is exactly the car they are bringing back, only in hybrid form. Don't get me wrong, I love great gas mileage, but I just can't get excited by a sports car with one of Toyota's ubiquitous, underpowered, and otherwise pathetically unresponsive "Synergy-Drive" engines.

2011 Hybrid Cr-ZX

Over at Honda, they are resurrecting their own classic sports car, the Cr-X, and giving it the hybrid treatment. I used to drive one, and I have to say I am a little more excited about that. Even the gas engine version from the late 80's got 30 miles to the gallon, so I'm not sure how the hell a hybrid engine will improve on anything. At least Honda knows how to build a sports car (NSX, S2000), and I have much more faith that they will be able to pull it off.

Both cars will be unveiled at the Tokyo Motorshow in October. I'll try to get some pictures of the production models, but it is so hard to get my camera over the heads of all the otaku clamoring to take pictures of- not the cars- the anorexic models standing by them. Weird.

Google Earth Digs Up Discrimination in Japan

2009-06-21T21:39:00.000-07:00

Google, in their ever persistent push to be purveyors of the unique, have added a feature to Google Earth that allows users to superimpose ancient street maps over the current topography. Seemed innocuous enough until they found some maps of 17th century Tokyo, Osaka and Kyoto that had clear delineations of "dirty ghettos"- or areas where the "undesirables" in society were forced to live. Descendants of the burkakumin caste, or the historic underclass of Japan (people who were forced to do the dirty work in society- undertaking, butchering, garbage collecting etc) have spent centuries trying to shed the stigma associated with their ancestors. They have been successful at blending into society thanks in large part to the fact that they look like any other Japanese, and they have common last names. But in a country where discrimination is widely accepted and openly practiced, burakumin still have to go to great lengths to keep their ancestry secret. Unfortunately, property in Japan is often held for generations, and Google has made it easy to see where the "ghettos" of the Edo period were located and where many of the "filthy mob" still dwell.

Sharp Releases Solar-Powered Cell Phone

2009-06-18T07:51:00.000-07:00

The new Sharp SH002 cell phone released today has a solar panel on the back to charge the battery. It's also waterproof- which makes sense because they are releasing it in the middle of the rainy season. I guess the only problem is that you will have to wait two months to see the sun long enough to charge your phone...

Birth Rate Increases- Inevitable Extinction of Japanese Race Prolonged

2009-06-14T19:57:00.000-07:00

The inevitable extinction of the Japanese race has been prolonged by a few years. The average number of children a Japanese woman will have in her lifetime has gone up dramatically from 1.34 to 1.37 (2.07 is needed to keep the size of the population constant.) With deaths far out-pacing births, this results in a net annual population decrease of 51,317. According to some estimates, the world's last Japanese person born in Japan will die sometime in the middle of the next century. This news has some people worried that in order to keep the social security coffers full, Japan will have to do something nobody wants: accept immigrants- permanently. Personally I welcome the falling population rate- think of how easy it will be to find a parking spot close to the Costco entrance!

Man Denied His Due

2009-06-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

An exonerated man who spent 30 years on Japan's death row for a crime he didn't commit expects to make the government pay for their incompetence. He is not planning to sue the government for millions in damages like would happen in the U.S., no, he is demanding he be given social security benefits. Because he was unable to work for the 30 years he spent behind bars, he has no money saved for retirement. He is now 83 years old. So far the Japanese government is resisting his request on the grounds that only people who paid their monthly premiums are eligible. Rules are rules...

Wanna Buy a School? Jungle Gym Included!

2009-06-06T22:54:00.000-07:00

The incredible shrinking Japanese population has led to some interesting problems. One is that because there are so few children to fill up schools, cities have been forced with unloading hundreds of shuttered public school buildings. The problem has been that finding buyers has been difficult, especially in rural areas. One city in Hokkaido, which had to close 7 of its 9 elementary schools in 2008, decided to put the properties on Yahoo Japan's auction site, which would expose the properties to a national audience. The plan worked. Final sale price for one school, compete with pool, gym and playground: $300,000.

Mitsubishi Releases World's First Mass-Produced Electric Car

2009-06-05T05:28:00.000-07:00

Today Mitsubishi motors officially released its all electric car, the MiEV (which means, in perfect Japanese-English fashion, "Mitsubishi In-wheel motor Electric Vehicle"). They got a jump start on other car makers like Nissan and Peugeot who will release their own electric cars later this year (sorry, but I don't consider Tesla to be "mass produced.") The MiEV is butt-ugly, but then so is the Prius and that didn't stop a million hippies from running out and buying one. Actually, the MiEV might cause a mini-revolution in the "look at me, I drive a green car" segment. Now that there is a true zero emission vehicle on the market, people will think if you drive a hybrid you are an eco terrorist.

The price of the MiEV starts at about $35,000, and that is AFTER $15,000 is tax breaks and other insentives from the government. They have a regular gas version for $10,000 that gets a very respectable 45 MPG. So, if you consider that most people driving compact cars spend about $1,000 a year on gas, that means you would only have to drive the MiEV for 20 years to recoup your investment over the gas version. Hey, it's Japanese, it will still be running then.

Onaka Pi-Pi Geinin (Celebrities with Diarrhea)

2009-06-02T06:25:00.000-07:00

One thing that may surprise newcomers to Japan is the frankness with which people here talk about bowel movements (or lack there of, as being bempi, or constipated, is another big topic for conversation). Children are taught in elementary school to keep an eye on their daily "deposits" and note any changes in color, shape, and, er, consistency. This early indoctrination in poop profiling leads to a general openness when discussing their digestive health. It is not uncommon for people to have a long, open discussion over lunch about just such topics. It is also acceptable to answer a "Hi, how are you?" With, "Not bad, but man am I constipated! Three days and NOTHING. How about you?" From my count, there are countless terms for bowel movements and I don't mean dirty words, but efficient words that describe different kinds of turds and their, um, composition (something similar to Eskimos and words for snow, I guess.)

The first time I was made party to a conversation of this nature, I thought I has having trouble understanding. Surely, I thought, this person is not telling me about what I think she is. She was. And the candor with which she was talking about it was unsettling. Maybe Americans are just too prudish, and talk of private matters are supposed to be just that- private- not something to be discussing in a crowded cafe. After 10 years, I'm just starting to get over it.

To illustrate just how out-in-the-open this topic is, there is a variety show called Onaka pi-pi Geinin (Celebrities with Diarrhea), where celebrities engage in myriad bathroom banter. "What was it like pooing in your high school toilet?" "What's the most t.p. you ever used?" "Was there ever a time you got the squirts and there wasn't a bathroom in sight?" They then sent a roving reporter out into the streets to take an informal poll of how many people were pi-pi and how many bempi (bempi won out 2 to 1, if you're interested.)

So if you come to Japan, be ready to talk about your daily "business." Be careful though, because in Japan, toilets are where ghosts live.

Medical Advice FAIL

2009-05-31T08:02:00.000-07:00

I was reading up on some allergy medicine I was thinking of trying (with socialized medicine you can try anything for FREE!) I came across a website that gives advice for certain medications. I thought this blurb for Nasarel would be a perfect submission for one of my favorite blogs, FailBlog.org. I actually submitted it to them for consideration, but in case it never goes up, I present it to you all here first. As you can see, native English speakers are perfectly capable of mangling meaning, too:

Underlined portion: "Nasarel will not work if you stop taking it". Duh!

Socialized Medicine ROCKS!

2009-05-26T03:55:00.000-07:00

Living in Japan is truly wonderful. However, if you have allergies, you are likely to be miserable for 6 months out of the year. This is a country where they planted millions of ceder trees in an attempt to patch over the ravages of their impressive, though no less environmentally insensitive industrial revolution. Apparently nobody told them that ceder pollen is a real pain in the arse. Well, they know now. And short of razing the entire countryside, we are stuck with itchy eyes and runny noses. The up-side to all this discomfort is the Japanese medical system, which is (cover your ears conservatives) SOCIALIZED. This means that the government acts as the sole insurance provider (though people are free to purchase supplemental insurance from private companies to cover what the government plan does not- which is generally 80% of total costs.) I know the horror stories propagated by the right-wingers who say socialized medicine leads to rationed health care and long lines for basic services. Well, let me tell you about my recent foray into this medical mystery.

First, I was told I needed a health check for my new job. I went to a local clinic (anyplace is fine, so I went to the place closest to my house. This was a vast improvement over my HMO coverage back in NYC, where I HAD to go to a doctor on a list prepared by my health care provider- none of whom were even remotely close to my apartment- and if that doesn't sound like rationed health care, I don't know does), I waited about 3 minutes before I was called in to take blood and urine tests and take a chest x-ray. After another 5 minutes I was called in to sit with the doctor to discuss my x-ray. The doctor said there was a little cloudy area on one of my lungs, so I might as well go get a CT scan just to be on the safe side.

A few days later I went to get my CT scan and this time, I wasn't even able to sit down in the lobby before I was called to the CT scan room. 5 minutes later I was back on my bike headed home.

Oh, and did I mention that I didn't pay anything? In Japan CT scans are considered preventative, so they are fully covered.

Man, this was easy, I thought, so when I was going crazy with my allergies, I decided to go see an allergist. This experience was just as smooth- no appointment, no waiting, no money. The only thing I had to pay for was a portion of the medicine prescribed to me: One month's supply of Nasonex, and some Allegra. Total charge: about $15. That's cheaper than Americans having to buy it from Canada!

Now, I know it isn't really free. I have about $400 deducted from my pay every month for coverage for myself and an UNLIMITED number of dependents (this amount also includes deductions for Japan's equivalent of Social Security, so the actual cost for just the health care portion is much lower). The amount deducted from some one's paycheck depends on how much they make; the less they make, the less is taken out, but EVERYBODY pays something. But here is the kicker: Rich or poor, we ALL have the SAME coverage. And the coverage, as far as I can tell, blows away anything I ever had in the U.S. (which I could never afford because my work never offered to pay for it...and that was as a teacher in a public university!

So to all you Americans who fear Bam's Socialized Medicine plan, I hope you get a really really bad runny nose.

Governor Performs Hare Kiri over Evil Trees

2009-05-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

The governor of Shizuoka Prefecture (home to Mt. Fuji) took responsibility for the delayed opening of the much anticipated new airport by resigning. The cause of the delay was due to several trees around the airport that were deemed "too tall" (clearly visible in the photo above). By taking responsibility for the errant trees, the governor leaves ever crafty Nature to continue to run-amok and annoy and inconvenience Japanese in the future.

All I Ever Needed to Know about Life I Learned from a Japanese T-Shirt

2009-05-10T07:30:00.000-07:00

While in Gunma over Golden Week, I popped into the local Shimamura to pick up some polo shirts for work. I passed the t-shirt section and found some very inspiring messages. Very Zen. Being a linguist, I have become quite proficient in deciphering English that has been translated from Japanese using generic translation software, as was clearly the case here:

Translation: When at first you don't succeed...spell check.

Translation: Life is Good (But only if you act on those sudden chances to make it so.)

Translation: Doors are good for going out. But sometimes they're not.

Caged Beast

2009-05-09T20:46:00.000-07:00

My first sighting of a Nissan GTR it its natural habitat. Spotted this beast peaking out at me on my walk to work. It's kind of sad to see it like this, and I'm sure PETA would not approve. You could almost hear its growling 500 horsepower reduced to a whimper from behind the bars of its cage. I'm happy to report that a few days later, on a Sunday, it had escaped and was undoubtedly roaming the streets hunting Boxters, Mclarens and Corvettes.

Either that or the fat old bastard rich enough to keep it needed to pick up a new golf bag.

If you want to see what the GTR is capable of, check out this video of Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear race it around the Fuji Race Circuit in Japan- that is, until he gets whip-lash and has to be rescued by an ambulance: