I’ll be referencing my previous Lazer Genesis review to a nauseating extent, as the two helmets share many features.

You’ve been warned.

First Look: Lazer Helium

It looks real good like. Like a true step above, top of the line helmet, the Lazer Helium ($230USD) consists of everything the Genesis is with all the necessary PRO improvements. It simply looks tighter than the Genesis. Whilst ritually admiring myself pre-ride (you know you do it too) as well as viewing them on the likes of Lotto-Bellisol and Farnese-Vini, you notice it sits perfectly on the head. It doesn’t float too high, nor does it stick out on the sides—it just looks right.

Aesthetically speaking, while I’m not the biggest fan of the silver faux-carbon accents (reminds me of another over-prevalent brand), they definitely don’t kill it for me. One of the reasons I was initially drawn to Lazer was their inclusion of at least one, dead-minimal, absolutely PRO colorway. My favorite has always been the matte white with blacked out styrofoam—no tribal tattoo additions or extra colors. Just pure PRO. My guess re: its omission in the present lineup is that to compete in the US market such things as silver/titanium tribal tattoo accents and multiple colors are necessary. Take a look at your local IBD’s helmet wall—disgusting homogeny. Yet people buy the homogenized style, so what do I know?

Venting Helium

Similarly, if not better, than the Genesis, the Lazer Helium gulps air. Plenty of openings and channels to shuttle cool, refreshing air turbulence through, over, and out the back of your baking skull. Okay, obviously not out the back of the skull, since that would involve some risky cranial modifications. But, if you already have said mods—win for you! Yes, there are helmets out there that have better ventilation. You’ll have to weigh this against your specific helmetary needs to decide whether or not this is a deciding factor.

One of the unsung heroes of this cranial contraption are the X-static® pads. Not only do they permanently keep your pads stink-free, they also help to regulate temperature.

Sunglass Placement

One of the PRO improvements the Helium made from the Genesis is sunglass storage. There are at least 3 different options based on your optics preference. I still wear my retro Rudy Ekynox glasses much of the time, and these fit no problem. My equally retro (and non-folding) Oakley Racing Jackets fit in the bottom slots, so I imagine that Jawbones and Radars would work as well.

Unfortunately, I have no shots of said multiple applications of said glasses. But I swear to Merckx that they’re there.

Rollsys® Retention System

Lazer’s Rollsys® retention is pretty cool. I love that they went a completely different direction in placing the adjustment on the top of the helmet rather than the back. Strangely enough, I find myself actually using it more than when I’m riding other helmets. I don’t think it’s terrifically easier, but it’s enough so that I enjoy it.

The retention is strong, anchoring the helmet to your head. There are retentions that are slightly stronger, but none that are this unobtrusive. You really don’t notice a Belgian vice is clamped around your skull.

Notice that the new thin straps get slightly twisted in the back of the retention system. Considering I’m a bit OCD, this gets to me, but I’ve learned to deal with it. Maybe. More about the new strap system below.

The Magic Buckle, and those Straps

Ahhh, the Magic Buckle. First off, I like the buckle. However, the magnetic closure system seems to be a source of contention to some. These are the same people who think downtube shifters are needlessly futuristic, preferring instead to dismount and change their gearing. I’ve noticed that after wearing the Helium for an extended time, upon wearing another helmet, the the traditional buckle release seems an archaic, inelegant solution.

But, there are some opportunities. “These are the same people who think downtube shifters are needlessly futuristic, preferring instead to dismount and change their gearing.”The buckle isn’t small. During the summer this isn’t an issue, but in the winter months when donning thicker layers with larger collars the two interfere with each other. Many times my solution is to unzip the collar until the buckle doesn’t catch. Not a huge deal, but one worth noting.

My other concern is that it loosens on its own. I can’t decide if it’s the buckle design, or that it’s from Lazer’s use of the new thin style strap system. It could be both, but since this is the first helmet I’ve owned with this strap style I can’t accurately say.

Technical Details

Weight—it ain’t light. For a top o’the line helmet, 260g (claimed) is a bit portly. By comparison, the Specialized Prevail Team comes in at 190g. Think of this as not the Jan Ullrich of bike helmets, but the Tom Boonen. Tommeke is a strapping beast of a man—not light, but powerful and oh so stylish on the bike.

Price—it ain’t cheap. But neither is the competition at this range. That’s why it’s called high end. $230USD aligns itself with other PRO level helmets.

Final Thoughts and PRO Rating

Without a doubt, I’m a fan of this helmet. I love the fit, the way it looks on my head, and its overall aesthetics. I’ll admit, I’m also a fan of the Helium and Lazer in general, because it’s not one of the usual suspects.

The considerations above, for me, far outweigh the opportunities of weight, airflow, and buckle/strap design. I reach for this helmet more than my others because, and don’t laugh, it makes me feel good to wear it. You know what that good feeling is called? PRO.

PRO FACTORS: Style, style, style. Also, performance and ingenuity.

OPPORTUNITIES: Weight, and a more svelte buckle

RATING: 95% - If not for the weight—100% PRO

LINK: Lazer Helium Helmet on Lazersport.com

TWITTER: @lazerhelmets, @helmeteer_chris

The 2002 (and perhaps ’03) Team Deutsche Telekom Biretta. Legendary names like Ullrich, Vinokourov, Zabel, Klöden, and Guerini, among others, donned this fabled magenta cap.

This is today’s entry for #CyclingCapTuesday. Have a favorite cap? Snap a shot on a Tuesday, tweet it with the hashtag, and/or submit it to their Tumblr.

Between cycling news posts and Twitter, there’s already been a ton written on it. While I’m probably not adding anything new to the mix, I needed to get this out. For those unaware of the subject here’s a bit of a prep.

Stephen Roche (@stephenj_roche) addressed “upgrading the image of cycling”  in an interview with BikeRadar.com. In it, he discussed setting rules for jersey zips, drafting, and race radios among other things.

Jonathan Vaughters (@Vaughters) was able address the issue with a measured response in Laura Weislo’s (@Laura_Weislo) Cyclingnews piece. Vaughters correctly spoke on the much larger problem of doping in cycling as the major issue rather than minor niggling of kit aesthetics or aerodynamic assistance post natural break.

It should be noted Roche has an autobiography set to be released on June 7th.

Cycling’s Image in the Press

While it very well may be on his mind, Stephen Roche (and cycling’s governing body) clearly has decided micromanaging riders is infinitely more important than dealing with what the non-cycling public and press think about cycling.

Former Giro d'Italia and Tour de France champion, Stephen Roche. Credit: Cyclingnews/Sirotti

Sponsors aren’t hesitating to engage the sport because of the potential for their logo to be split in half by an unzipped jersey during a finish line salute. They’re not sponsoring because they don’t want to risk their name being drug through the mud when the inevitable doping scandal drops. Roche, the CCP, and ultimately the UCI need to address that before stamping their feet about radios, socks, or level saddles.

Cycling’s Image to the Fans

With all due respect Mr. Roche, you are not the public—I am the public. I am not confused by riders being towed back by cars. I do not care about a rider’s appearance during a race. I am unconcerned about level saddles. What I am concerned about is doping.

As a member of the public, I am concerned as to whether or not my hero’s performance is a truthful one. Being towed back to the peloton after a crash, flat, or a natural break is not cheating. Cheating is a rider artificially increasing their performance and abilities.

What's worse: Iban Mayo's unzipped jersey or his use of performance-enhancing drugs?

THAT IS AN IMAGE PROBLEM.

What Next?

I implore Stephen Roche, the CCP, and ultimately the UCI to reconsider their present course of action. You’re killing the sport you once purely loved before you made millions from it. These smaller issues may in fact need to be addressed or implemented—but not now. You simply MUST to focus your collective efforts on doping. I pose no answers nor suggestions. Yet, as both a member of the public and a cycling fan I wanted to inform you on what it is we’re concerned with.

I’ve known the legend of Charly Gaul for quite some time, but besides him behing the “L’Angelo della Montagna”, I didn’t truly know why.

Obviously, I did some research.

The Monte Bondone

This is where the word ‘epic’ was born—stories such as Charly’s magnificently insane ascent of the Monte Bondone during a snowstorm.

89 tragically underprepared riders set out, unaware of the arduous task before them. Gaul was relentless on the 3 successive climbs (the Costalunga, the Passo Rolle, and the Broncon) before the Monte Bondone finale, only to be brought back or suffer multiple punctures.

Finally, after catching everyone on the road again, he began the 14km assault of the Bondone. It was here, on the slopes of this 5413′ mountain, where torrential rains that decimated the peloton throughout the day changed to snow. Eventually, high winds categorized the wintery event as a blizzard.

Riders abandoned in droves as they froze to the bone tackling the stage’s finale. Those who continued only did so by momentarily seeking refuge from the weather or warming their extremities with hot water provided by the roadside fans.

Charly himself, had to stop at a roadside trattoria for a cup of coffee. His team, frantic to find their rider in these incredibly dangerous conditions, finally caught up with him as he sipped in the bar. After warming his body with water and a massage, Gaul remounted his bike to take the stage a full 12 minutes ahead of the next rider.

Of the 89 riders starting the 18th stage of the ’56 Giro d’Italia, only 43 finished. Some of those crossing the line that day did so in their teams cars, yet were allowed start the next stage. Charly Gaul was crowned Giro champion 2 days later.

The Obligatory Video

One More Thing

Guess who finished third on that stage in frozen hell? This guy:

I’m sure you’ve seen this epically monumental lifetime hardman shot of Fiorenzo Magni before. He was chasing Gaul until the bitter end despite breaking his collarbone and humerus. He finished the ’56 Giro on the podium with an astounding second.

Info Credits

Charly Gaul is a popular subject.

Wikipedia: Charly Gaul

Bike Race Info: 1956 Giro d’Italia

1410 Oakwood: Charly Gaul – The Angel of the Mountains

First Impressions

When my purchase arrived from abroad, I was pleasantly surprised by the heft of the parcel. The mental expectation derived from the word jersey is not a substantial one. Even knowing the Winter Jersey was crafted of wool and wind-defeating materials, I still lowballed. Once I opened it, I was floored. This, is one substantial jersey. Thick lofted merino wool, panels for wind protection, deep, strong pockets, and fine appointments throughout. Its classic, minimal demeanor is shattered by the sheer amount technicality bubbling beneath the surface.

While technically not designated Classic, as a long-serving member of Rapha’s lineup, it probably should. The single white arm band, script logo, and pink accents firmly entrench it in the visual tradition of Raphaism.

How it Fits

As with all Rapha products, or at least the ones I’ve tried, it’s a tailored fit. It sits along the shoulders nicely, and wraps your chest and torso in a manner that diminishes the hulking mass contained beneath. When zipped, the front lies flat across your chest without any bulging or protrusions. The sleeves have a bit of room built into them, which at first, was a bit odd. But as I rode the jersey deeper into the colder, sunless months I was elated that armwarmers were able to fit comfortably underneath.

Think of it as a jacket when the mercury dips, and a versatile jersey for mixed conditions. A few extra layers can be added, turning it into a deep winter barrier. Yet, during fall and spring when the temps vary drastically, it’s capable of venting, keeping you comfortable up to 60˚F. It’s a well thought out mix of jersey and jacket—a “jersacket.”

The Technicals

Minimal from the outside, technical on the inside. The beauty of the Rapha Winter Jersey is that its technical attributes aren’t screaming at you like so many others. Windproofing is handled by panels sewn to the inside of the piece, rather than the outside. Nothing, save the traditional white armband fashioned from reflective material and reflective piping on the cuffs and tail break its minimal visage.

Zippers are sewn in an effort to seem invisible, yet easy to grasp whilst in motion. Those that are visible are styled in a manner befitting of the rest of the piece.

Large vents are positioned to the front of the jersey. Unlike “pit-zips”, these seem to gulp air rather than merely venting stored heat/moisture. The vents are easily regulated while moving which isn’t always the case with cold weather gear.

The Winter Jersey is ripe with cavernous rear storage. There are two traditional main sections accentuated with a pump holster and zippered side slot, as well as a massive zip-enclosed compartment capable of portaging discarded layers. I’ve filled these beyond rational amounts, and they’ve never complained. Besides the opportunity touched on below, the storage feels as strong as the day I received the product.

Minor Opportunities for Improvement

My only criticism about this piece, and several other Rapha products I own, is the finishing. As a general rule, a cycling product at this price range should be perfect. As for a product from a company like Rapha, it has to be perfect. I know it’s still an article of clothing put together by humans running machines, but so are the other brands out there. I have many products I’ve used for years, and they’ve shown no predilection for loose stitching. Luckily, the only failure has been the hidden message Rapha’s products are known for. Located in the right rear pocket, the stitching for the tag regaling us with tails of Le Badger’s #LBL exploits, was too close to the edge and I tore it while filling my pockets. As for the other stitches you may have noticed in the images above, they’ve stayed the same. This jersey is rugged and structurally sound.

Final Thoughts and Rating

The Rapha Winter Jersey’s command of style and fit kept it on alert “go-to” status for the past two seasons, even when it might’ve not been hygienically sound. The outside is still as clean and visually uninterrupted as it was when I purchased it. The interior lofting is only slightly pilled despite copious usage and machine washing. Aside from the cosmetic, yet hidden, stitching issue this garment is a fantastic 3-season piece.

PRO FACTORS: Timeless style, broad condition range, and sartorially superior fit.

OPPORTUNITIES: Finishing and stitching.

RATING: 95% - Finishing could’ve dropped this to 90%, but its high demand status keeps it at 95%.

LINK: Rapha Winter Jersey on Rapha.cc

TWITTER: @rapharacing, @rapha_n_america

Nice Box

Nothing better than coming home and seeing a package on your doorstep. Except when it’s branded well and you know it’s bike stuff. This is one of those cases. Normal brown shipping box, yet adorned with a tasteful stamp and sealed with simple logo tape.

Inside, I was pleasantly surprised by yet more branding. The black paper wrapping is a charming reminder of SAS’ wonderfully small operation.

The SAS S1-A Riding Jersey

Based on the images from their site, I had a certain visual expectation. Let’s say it was both met and exceeded once I peeled back the sticker, unwrapping the piece.

Two-toned fabric pattern isn’t readily discernable on the SAS website. It creates a nice subtle pattern and something a bit different than solid black when viewed from distance.

More logo details.

Initial Thoughts

As of this posting, I’ve already had 4-5 decent rides in the jersey. I’m impressed by the fit and the feel—it makes me look thinner than I deserve. Heads definitely turn, gazes border on rude as I come across other riders. You look and exude PRO.

Full What I’m Riding review of technical features and durability to follow after many more rides.

About Search And State

SAS is, amazingly, a USA based operation run by Devin O’Brien and Daniel Golden. The garments are handmade in NYC. But for more information, I’ll point you to Prolly is not Probably’s recent interview, and Headset Press’ feature on them.

What’s First Look?

What is First Look? It’s not a review. It’s not a post-test declaration of quality or lack thereof. What it is, is an observation. It’s a reaction. It’s an experience of a product up until the moment it’s worn, used, applied, etc. It’s a first look.

First Look is a necessity for a couple of reasons. Mainly, I take forever to ride/review products. I want to burn them into the ground, reporting whether or not they’re fashioned of pure, unadulterated PRO. Unfortunately, this doesn’t allow my input to be a part of the conversation while it’s timely and important. That’s obviously bad for me, but also not attractive to those who’ve submitted products to maximize visibility.

Been sitting here watching the replay, snapping shots, and trying to decide how I was going to start this. At first I was all, WOOOOO!! TOMMEKE!!. Then, Monday, it all went south as the typical hemoglobin slinging started in earnest. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with that, adding to the “festa di insinuation” myself. But in this case, I’ve been silently pulling for Meester Tom as he’s been going through some emasculating seasons. It’s been a pleasure to watch his resurgence. So, part of me took exception to this. Plus, seeing as I’ve reverted to an “awesome until busted” mode of interacting with cycling, it pains me to watch others wipe their ass on the sport they love. Yet, I’m also on the anti-doping side, so this back and forth in my head look very similar to Vader deciding between Luke or The Emperor.

But in a continuous GIF.

Like, forever.

Apparently there was a Race

Like I tweeted during the race, Boonen’s attack is gonna make this recaap soooo easy.

So, there was a break.

OPQS height doping—again…

Lovely pelotonal view.

Old dude looks like he’s saying to his wife, “Fancy having a bit of a go at one of these boys? This one’s wounded…”

Caught in the natural break act!

Moar lovely pelo.

The kasseien is a ferocious dance partner.

La Trouée d’Epicberg

Definitely not as selective as it’s been in the past, but as NetApp rider Grischa Janorschke demonstrates, the Arenberg trench still ain’t nothing to **** with.

Oh SH***********!!

Owwwwch!!

Ahhh, the Epicberg Forest. Simply conceiving the epicnicity of this secteur is epic. On the scale of epicness, from 1-10, this rates as an epic. How epic is that? I trashed three keyboards trying to write this epic caption.

The traditional OPQS height doping has no advantage here.

Yeahhh, not Dirk. Sorry…

Boonen and Chavanel pretty much the ****ing kings of the peloton right here.

Those OPQS Vermarc kits must be hella strong to handle Chava’s giant stone crushing stones.

1) Incorrect 2) What’s the last thing you see before you crash?

Apparently, Rabobank have also discovered the serum of exceptional height. Additionally, look at those friggin’ kasseien. Nasty.

Sébastien Turgot launches one of his 127 attacks on the day. French guy, Italian bike—why not?

Oh hai, Thor. You have #ompoop?

Geaux, geaux, turbo Turgot!

How the Race was Won™

There’s your 2012 Paris-Roubaix champion, folks. Until next year, I bid you adieu.

What, you need moar?

How the Race was Won™ – Moar Edition

Studying our 1000fps slow motion footage reveals the secrets of Tommeke’s nail-biting win.

First, Turgot attacks.

Second, Boonen attacks with Pippo stuck to his wheel—Ballan in the distance.

Simultaneously, Chavanel punctures at the worst possible moment. Okay, maybe not the *worst* possible moment—that would be in the velodrome and losing the race.

Then Turgot, looking awfully Fabs-like, is caught by the Tommeke/Pippo train. Ballan, the ‘lil Red Caboose still trails in the distance.

1km down the road, and the major players are together. Pippo, Boonen, Ballan, Turgot, and Terpstra form “The Move.”

New Pippo was suddenly replaced by Old Pippo at this exact moment. Pozzato swings off to force Ballan to pull through.

Pippo waving Ballan through. Unfortunately, he was waving his chances through as Terpstra and Boonen start to gap. Turgot looks as though he’s thinking, “WTF?!” but in French.

Ballan resoponds with classic Italian cycling tactics—pulling through by pulling off. Just like that, the race was won.

The amount of questioning, second-guessing, and frantic wondering was staggering—and that was just from the Twitterati. Pozzato and Ballan both feared this move was from too far out, not wanting to relive the events of just a week before. Their decision to hesitate was strengthened by the collective force that was just behind them. Boonen himself looked unsure as the initial moments of “The Move” played out. But, seeing both Pozzato and Ballan marking themselves out of the race he decided to force the pace and take a chance.

Tommeke SchleckNecking™ to make sure he was truly seeing what he was seeing.

Terpstra cracks. Tommeke is now kop van wedstrijd.

The suckage for Pippo continued. As the chasing group chased, Pozzato crashed in a loose corner, effectively ending his day.

The Coolness.

Meanwhile, in Italy… Hey! Whatsamatta you?! Where’sa the New Pippo?!

The chasing SKY train was powerful, but were derailed by several key factors. 1) Flecha kept sending himself off the front to disrupt their rhythm. 2) Their socks were perilously short. 3) Flecha kept se…

Fast Forward to the Actual Overwinnings

French TV bringing the doping insinuation LOLZ. They so jelly.

Aight playa.

Overwinnings! Annnnd, we’re done.

Moar stuff happened, but this post is already too friggin’ large. I will, however, leave you with this interesting parallel:

Boonen congratulates a surprising Turgot, 10 years to the day that Museeuw did the same to a surprising young Tommeke.

Linx of Interest

OPQS Team Site: Episode 7: Paris-Roubaix Victory

Cyclocosm: 2012 Paris-Roubaix – How The Race Was Won™ (The Original)

Cyclingtips: 2012 Paris-Roubaix

Kristof Ramon: Paris-Roubaix 2012 Flickr Set

Jered Gruber: Paris-Roubaix 2012 Flickr Set

Initial reaction on the race in general: battle was good, but it felt like something had been amputated. Obviously I’m not a fan of the removal of the Muur. I’m also not a fan of how these new changes made the race feel. Barriers on the Paterberg, the finish in Oodenarde, the new parcours resembling nothing I grew to love as De Ronde. The finish especially felt alien. But races change, and the Ronde’s meandering Flandrian parcours has been altered many times. We got another of these to see if the weirdness changes before we can vote the Muur back in.

Cutting to the Chase

Fabian Cancellara crashed out and the race changed. To some this was too much to bear, as Fabs was a major protagonist. But major names have always suffered a race altering mechanical, flat, or crash throughout the history of this race and all races in general. Onto the race.

Stuff Before the Race got Real

Opening with the finish. What?

Aerial view of the start in Oudenaarde—breathtaking.

Ronde rider goes full-Johnny, sweeping a spectator’s leg. Do you have a problem with that?

Horrible Photoshop hack-job, but you get the friggin’ point. MOLE-nberg.

Every time I see the Molenberg, I think of Cindy Crawford.

— Cycleboredom (@Cycleboredom) March 31, 2012

Horrifically spectacular spectator crash takes Langevelde out. Pippo miraculously avoids doom.

The big names marcking Vanmarcke on the Oude Kwaremont.

I’d crap myself if I was Sep and I looked behind myself as I attacked to see this.

The Paterberg – The Race Gets Real

Terpstra and Vansummeren get nice and close…

Niki teaches Johan what centrifugal force means.

The poo’s about to start flying and the fan’s been turned on.

Vansummeren’s bike makes no noise at it hits the ground. However, Summe’s clattering skeleton causes Tommeke to check his gearing.

There it is—the poo officially hits the fan.

Speaking of poo, a Lotto-Bellisol rider takes a forced natural break in the ditch.

Further up the Paterberg, the main contenders form the traditional Cobble Line.

Sporza knows their camera angles. Circuits do have their plusses.

Oude Kwaremont – The Race Gets More Realer

Haaaaa, psych! It all came back together again. Look at the bunch with 18k to go—freaking ridiculous. Luckily Terpstra knew this. A-Ball also knew this. In fact, he knew this more than Terpstra and displayed his knowledge of more by showing Niki his skinny red ass.

Terp Dog shows his strength on the Kwaremont. Ballan recognizes the strength.

Terp Dog’s face is pain. Ballan is cool, calculated. The move is happening…

Just like that, A-Ball’s caught Terpstra.

Terpstra assumes the role of dropped as Ballan kicks it into overdrive. The Players Club’s queueing up behind.

THE MAN OF MONTOVA FLIES UNDER A FLANDRIAN FLAG FLYING OVER HIM!!

Uhhh, waar ligt Alessandro?

Alessandro’s move looks hella serious right here, but…

Then Pozzoto got all awesome on us. Tommeke’s behind him in stoker position.

Yeah, this hurts.

A-Ball checks whether the sign says “TITS” or “FRITS”.

15″ and growing. Big names making big moves.

Luca Paolini desperately trying to bridge. LP was super strong today.

Laatste Paterberg – The Race Gets Wicked Hahd

Ballan, Pozzato, and Boonen hit the Paterberg for the 3rd and laatste time. With only minor gaps of 12″ to Paolini, and 18″ to the chasing bunch there wasn’t time for playing about. Luckily, these three race bikes real good like.

A-B-P all together as they begin the ascent of the kicker.

Ooooo, muy macho!! 3 across as A-B-P do the Paterberg Maarch. Paolini and bunch in the distance.

Pozzato shows his strength and begins his move. Ballan follows quickly, but Boonen struggles to wind up his massive, taught buttocks.

Boonen actually looked shaky here. Reminiscent of how he looked trying to hold Cancellara in ’10.

Gappage! Actual gappage showing here.

Gap, Sagan, Gap. The boy is strong, he just needs a few more races to sharpen the senses.

To Oudenaarde We Will Take You

A-B-P begin pushing the gap out after they crested the Paterberg. Everyone behind was now racing for 4th. When you think about it, it should be: B-B-P, shouldn’t it? Or, A-T-F. Whatever.

Werkgroep.

Meanwhile, at the back of the race… Where is PhilGil?

GVA and Chava—glass cranking.

Not too much going on here.

Ballan’s attacks resembled a newborn baby giraffe finding its legs for the first time.

With a gap of a minute plus, there was time for playing. Track skills exhibition.

Tommeke and Pippo wisely force the newborn giraffe into the lead for the sprint.

The newborn giraffe pulls up lame while Tommeke and Pippo battle it out.

Approximate viewpoint of Alessandro.

Buttocks of overwinnings.

It looked closer than it actually was—Boonen wins De 2012 Ronde by a bike length.

Moar overwinnings from the rear.

Post-finish mayhem—these Politie ain’t polite!

When Hondos attack: ‘Roid Rage!!

Wooooooo!! Belgians like their Boonen and their bike racing.

DAT KID!!

You like Pippo back? Here’s some Pippo back.

Tommeke’s amused by Pippo back.

Eddy, however, is not amused. He may be reading legal documents, though.

De 2012 Ronde Winnaars.

Being a proper American, Trek-dealing, bike shop employee, I was already very familier with the ’99 TdF extravaganza. That was the beginning of my habit of watching old races repeatedly, well beyond the amount considered rational or normal. I scrutinized the atmosphere, the attacks, the style of riding, nearly everything emanating from the screen and speakers saturated my now pro-cycling starved mind. I took that 2 video set home to watch as much as the shop allowed.

The rider (Museeuw) shoots by his teammate with a worthy challenger (Tchmil) stuck to his wheel.

But, I hadn’t taken home this one video. The box was slightly dusty from neglect. The featured rider on the front was unfamiliar and his name looked strange. But my newfound appetite for all thing pro-cycling was insatiable, so it found its way into my messenger bag. Once home and watching, the racing was unfamiliar. There were no mountains, no scenic vistas. The day’s color was muted and slightly overcast, matching the nondescript countryside. I had no star to follow here, as our new ‘Merican champion was not present. I literally was a stranger in a foreign land. But I was riveted. Something was capturing my attention. Perhaps it was the style of racing, or perhaps I was intrigued by the masses lining the course. They were in the fields, on the streets, and these strangely but similarly named hills. They actually named their hills, and they all ended in “berg?”

The rider (Museeuw) ferociously attacks the Paterberg via the lefthand gutter.

Then it happened. The guy on the cover of the tape, the one P&P were talking about as a possible protagonist, suddenly came to the front on the hill named the Paterberg. He took to the gutter to find the easiest route, maintaining his astounding speed. That first moment of seeing high speed racing in a foot-wide gutter had a profound affect on me. This was drastically different from the manicured roads of France. The road itself was the major player in this drama. These riders had no desire to allow themselves to be punished willingly by the rough cobblestones. The desire was so strong that riding the gutter was preferred.

Already breathless from the rider's attack, permanent goosebumps set in as he blasts through the crowd.

What also struck me were the fans. They knew about the gutters. Everyone stayed out of the left side of the Paterberg because they knew that was the preferred route up the cobbled climb. Yet, halfway up there was nowhere for the spectators to stand as hedges and trees forced them into the gutters. At that point the lead rider was forced back onto the rocky road. It was also at that point where the true meaning of Flanders was gleaned. The rider’s position changed, his speed dropped, and his face screwed up into a grimace—this climb was hard. The screaming spectators were mere feet from the riders as they ground, walking pace, up the berg.

All I could think was, “HOLY S***!!”

Or, probably not.

Dwars Door Vlaandaren

Tasty midweek snack of Belgie racing.

“Time time, for some time for some AKSHUN!!”

Niki and Jelle, riding in a break, p-e-d-a-l-i-n-g.

Point break. Actually, it’s probably more like point gap, but break has the Keanu reference.

Terpstra begins the crushing, spectator begins the gesticulating.

This guy. Jered Gruber all out on the Paterberg and ****.

Meanwhile, on the way to overwinnings—the last of the Flemish Truffula Trees…

Niki has plenty of time to celebrate his solo win—then proceeds to throw commercial gang signs.

Sylvain Chavanel outsprints then awkwardly celebrates in front of Koen De Kort to round out the podium. Nice to see Koen on the podium—great effort. Unfortunately, he crashed badly a few days later.

E3 Prijs Vlaanderen – Harelbeke

Have to admit, E3 was a damn good race. The hellingen were more selective than those of the just-finished Gent-Wevelgem. Enough so, that I feel E3 should be given Classics status and GW relegated. But that’s just my opinion, and who cares.

Belgian Champion—also, a tailgunner.

PhilGil’s on the rear of the peloton more than Voeckler these days.

OPQS height doping—advantage: Boonen

The Mounting of the Boonenberg

I don’t think I’ve EVER seen anyone attack the Tiaaenberg as fast as Tom Boonen did this time. While the attack didn’t destroy the field, it definitely set the precedent for the rest of the race.

Attack begins—Tommeke’s already at warp speed.

At this point, he’s in full sprinter’s tuck—going uphill.

Tommeke pulls up a bit, but is still flying. Vanmarcke claws his way back to Boonen’s wheel.

Meanwhile, at the back…

Unfortunately, it didn’t get rid of THAT guy.

Hi-Viz Hi Jinx on the Paterberg

In addition to OPQS, Farnese-Vini also deserves team of the day. They were all over the place. They also did this:

3 in a break. Wasn’t there a rap group called “Two in a Room?”

Farnese-Vini crew blasts onto the Paterberg, about to execute Operazione Gattopult.

Operazione Gattopult is a go! Gatto is about to be released.

Boom goes the kitteh! Gatto is released as his teammate cobbleblocks everyone behind.

The Gatto reaches escape velocity. Operazione Gattopult is a success.

Paterberg Tommeke

18 seconds later…

Riiiight there—that’s where it bites. Tommeke catches the remnants of Operazione Gattopult. Fabs is creeping.

After driving deep up the backside of the Paterberg, Boonen now shows us his baller climbing style.

Cancellara, the Oude Kwaremont, and the Wheel Change

For the most part Fabian hadn’t been a factor in the race. He changed that on the Kwaremont.

Fabs begins making the attacking with Tommeke in tow. Vanmarcke spots the Dark Lord.

Sep dives across for the Dark Lord’s wheel, but ends up cobbleblocking Tommeke.

Like geese in migration formation, they line up behind the Dark leader.

Apparently, this paceline of geese is both strong and selective. Pippo the goose’s wing was broken not long ago—but he’s flying now.

Oh noez! The Dark Lord goose has pulled up lame. He wobbles and begins to slow…

The geese are unaware one of their own has been dropped.

Just off the Kwaremont, Fabs gets a wheel change. He and the mechanic are in a less than ideal position…

Seconds later, Carlos Barredo launches off the Kwaremont, crashing into the back of Fabs.

Carlos broke his arm, while the mechanic suffered a broken nose and 25 stitches.

Amazingly, Fabs remounted, chased, caught, and finished with the main bunch. However, he did not contest the sprint.

How the Race was Won™

People sprinted. Someone won. Several attempts were made to break away from the bunch to avoid a sprint, but to no avail.

OPQS height doping—again.

Sep Vanmarcke has the confidence. Accelerating on the grass at pelotonal speeds.

Tommeke sprinting for the win just ahead of a charging Oscar Freire. Notice the sign in the back.

There’s your E3 winnaars: Boonen, Freire, and a surprising Bernie Eisel.