Kathryn Alice's Blog

3 Shocking Truths About Love

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Mon, 08 Oct 2018 01:20:00 +0000

1. Q: Kathryn, could my soulmate be married to someone else?

A. No! The shocking truth is that your soulmate is not taken. You get better than that. But when you're single, you have a place in you that wants love that is vulnerable. And it's easy to get excited and settle for someone who's not available. (This truth is only shocking if you are sure your soulmate is someone married or in a relationship, and you're waiting for them.)

Dancing around with someone taken is beneath you. You're settling. And you're keeping yourself unavailable for true love. Read on to find out more about that particular defense mechanism.

But bottom line, you deserve more than someone who is not completely available to you. The Universe would not dangle someone in front of you who cannot easily move forward into a full-on relationship.

2. Q: Kathryn, I've heard you say that my bad pattern is a defense and keeps love away. You were referring to my work. How can my demanding job be a bad pattern?!

A: The shocking truth is that things you may deem normal in your life are often barriers to love. And you have adopted them intentionally.

Yep, here are some examples including yours.

• Picking someone unavailable (like in Shocking Truth #1) keeps YOU unavailable . . . and safe

• Many folks I've worked with are workaholics, too "busy" to welcome in love. Work is very reliable, and yet balance is essential to a healthy life. Those who overwork have issues, including the fact that it keeps them unavailable for love . . . and safe

• Having an unrequited love or an unspoken crush on someone might be somewhat fun, but it keeps love away from you. As long as you don't dissolve the attachment, get an answer and move on, you're unavailable . . . and safe. (And yet the fantasy pales in comparison to the real deal of finding the love of your life -- who is wholly available to you and romances you in real life)

• Fostering a cynical attitude about love is a defense mechanism. If you appear to be jaded about love, you can't get crushed. Unavailable . . . and safe

The problem with these defense mechanisms -- designed to keep you safe -- is that they keep love out. You're unavailable until you can drop these patterns.

3. Q: Kathryn, can I really find love at any moment? It feels so very far away.

A: Shocking Truth #3 is that yes, no matter how despairing you are, love can still be right around the corner and creep up on you any moment.

It just takes some slight adjustments to have love rush into your life. You can only hold love at bay for so long, and then, it happens. Those who do my work have love show up in the most magical, unpredictable ways. And in one instant, life is changed forever.

Are you a late bloomer?

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Thu, 27 Sep 2018 02:18:00 +0000

Q: Kathryn, I'm in my late 50's and have not dated in 5 years. I rarely meet anyone age appropriate or attractive to me and am ready to give up on love
Has love passed me by? Is it too late for me? I'm really scared that is true. I don't feel very attractive either and see an older woman now when I look in the mirror. Who would want me?

A: Are you kidding me?! We need to work on your very limited belief. That's the only thing keeping love away from you

A couple of summers ago, we had a rash of 50-somethings and seniors getting married. And it keeps on coming

I'm known for helping those who are no longer spring chickens to find love

These people were and are happier than teenagers experiencing first love, and I’m thrilled for them.

You may know that I teach that love knows no boundaries like age. It’s never too late for love. I'm sure that's why you're writing

If you’re ready for it to be your turn, then, here’s what will help.

1. Remember that love can happen at any time. Keep your hopes high, and look for the love stories that remind you that you have every hope for love.

2. Look for your blocks. You didn’t have to wait for love this long. Something is delaying you. Get to the bottom of it & let go of whatever is holding you up. Common blocks are: fear of commitment, past trauma, freedom issues, feeling unworthy of love, a bad pattern and hanging on to the wrong person.

In your case, I'm sure one of your blocks is thinking you're over the hill. You're not. If you haven't met your soulmate, the best is yet to come

3. Send out a soul call & stay at Soulmate Level of Attraction. Do an energetic invitation for your soulmate to come NOW, and get happy and hopeful. This is an environment in which love can come quickly . . . even if you’ve waited far too long.

Where Is My SOULMATE?!

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 19 Sep 2018 13:57:00 +0000

Q: Kathryn, I've done so many things to welcome in love. I don't know what my problem is but I must be doing something wrong, because I'm still waiting. And waiting.

I have been on so many dates (not great ones) and go to a lot of parties. But I never meet anyone interesting.

I just want to shout "Where is my soulmate?!" It is very hard for me to relax and have any faith at all.

Do you have suggestions about what I can do? I'm just at a loss and ready to give up.

A: This is a common problem I deal with when clients are not manifesting easily.

Here are some thoughts:

1. Impatience is a sign that you’ve tried to make something happen before doing the inner work. When you are soulmate-ready, you don’t experience impatience.

2. Waste of Time As my work emphasizes, spending time magnetizing love from the inside ensures you’re not just spinning your wheels taking fruitless action.

3. Stay Home! Remember I’m the only dating coach

who says “you don’t have to get out there” and “if you don’t get out much, (s)he’ll have a wreck in your yard.” That’s because if you are laying the groundwork internally, you may not have to take a single action for love to show up for you. It’s why my book is called Love Will FIND YOU. And it’s why we have so many love stories from this work that involve meeting your soulmate while staying home. Don’t exhaust yourself trying to make every single event. Better to stay home & do a Soul Call.

4. Only a Dab of Patience In my book, I extol the virtue of patience in finding love. But you shouldn’t need that much patience. If you are not manifesting right away, you may have a block or delay. Common delays are cynicism, hanging on to someone from your past, self-esteem issues, lack of faith, a bad pattern or tendency to settle. All of these delays can be easily, even instantly overcome.

5. Instant Manifestation Once you pinpoint your delay, it’s much easier to release it. As you do, you will find love knocking at your door, seemingly out of the blue.

Being Lonely is GOOD!

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 12 Sep 2018 14:10:00 +0000

If you are single and feel moments of loneliness, this is a good thing. It is indicative that you have a vacuum in your life, a space for love to come into. Being lonely means that you are wide open for The One.

This void, though it may feel empty and hard to deal with, is something to be guarded. The temptation may be to fill the loneliness with anything that comes along like a casual date or an old flame, but avoid doing so.

You don't want to start seeing someone just to fill the loneliness. It would be easy for you to try and make someone fit in there, but instead, imagine that this loneliness is a treasured place within you, only to be filled by your One, your soulmate. Treat it as sacred and don't easily let someone into this space.

In moments where your loneliness flairs, try the following:

1. Take a moment to be grateful that you feel lonely, knowing that the opening for your soulmate is intact and magnetizing him or her to you.

2. Send love to your soulmate wherever (s)he may be, knowing that you'll be together soon.

3. Release any impulse to take a stopgap measure to fill the loneliness such as late night dialing or making a date with someone you're not that interested in. Better to daydream about your soulmate instead.

4. Don't respond to a feeling of loneliness by letting it get you into a desperate state. Desperation repels, and it can lead you to bad decisions.The more you can start labeling your loneliness "good," the sooner you will be with your love, as this loneliness is a powerful attractor for your soulmate.

Have you been traumatized?

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 05 Sep 2018 10:46:00 +0000

Q: Hi Kathryn! I love your Q & A’s and have one of my own

Ugh! I’ve had another couple of days up all night fretting, and I’m finally reaching out to you for help

I had a rough time as a child with abusive, alcoholic parents and felt like an outcast growing up

After years of therapy, I’m much better, but . . . . I still have a reaction I just hate and I truly think it’s affecting my ability to find love

It’s bad enough that over and over again, I attract guys who don’t live up, who treat me badly, insult me and hurt me

But what is worse is my reaction. After two dates with a guy, if I feel rejected, you would think that someone died from how this makes me feel

I just had this happen again. A guy I have casually dated for a very short time did something pretty hurtful, and I’m traumatized

No matter how short the relationship was or how casual, every time it ends, I pretty much curl up into a fetal ball for sometimes weeks or months

I’m depressed, I don’t want to date ever again, and I’m just miserable. This is where I find myself right now

The trauma is way out of proportion to what happened, and my friends are calling me out on that. But I can’t seem to help it. I find myself shutting down more and more just to avoid any more dating hurt

At this moment, I never want to date again and just live my life alone for fear of being hurt yet again

It’s frustrating because I do want love! Am I hopeless? Is there anything I can do to change the way I react, what I’m attracting and quit repeating this pattern over and over? Please help!

A: I’m glad you wrote me. Your case is far from hopeless

I suspect you just haven’t yet gotten the help you need

Because I ran a crisis clinic for many years, part of my process specifically deals with trauma that continues to inform what is happening now

I recently worked with a woman who had a crazy childhood with a mentally ill mom who abused her. She married a man who also abused her horribly both physically and mentally

When she came to me, she had finally left the abusive marriage but was still quite traumatized. And we got busy treating the still-present wounds and the resulting patterns

Here are the basic steps I used to help her heal and create something new:

1. We gave her the time to heal properly, to lick her wounds and create a sanctuary around her. In the past she always chose situations and people who would hurt her, so taking care of herself was new to her

2. We began using a multi-pronged approach to create a new security and higher self-regard as well as creating within her in a new template of what healthy love would be like to pull her beyond the past patterns. This ensured she would never again create such a destructive situation

3. Finally, we put in new behaviors for her in regards to dating. She would only date sensitive, kind men and at any red flag, she learned to pull out and not tolerate things she accepted before

The result? She found love late in life that made her heart sing with a kind, sensitive and handsome man. To this day, she cannot believe the happiness she is having in a soulmate relationship that honors her

She finally bucked her past trauma once and for all!

You can do this, too. When the pain is in your face like it is right now – that is the PERFECT time to dealwith it and transcend it

So I hope you take this opportunity to do some serious work to heal your trauma

You will be so busy in love, you’ll forget you were ever traumatized

Can this relationship be saved?!

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 29 Aug 2018 11:43:00 +0000

Q: Hey Kathryn! I love your work and it helped me meet a guy several years ago who landed in my lap. Problem is, it's a bit of a crazy love. We have broken up often but just can't seem to quit each other. To be honest, it's not that fun any more, but the thought of parting ways for good just breaks my heart

We are definitely in a rut, which is why I enjoyed the Rut Class so much. Do you think that getting out of my rut in this case means we have to break up? Because I'm scared that's the answer, but sure don't want to face it. Is there any hope to work it out? Part of my problem is that he will not go forward with me as much as I want. I do want marriage and a family. And I've wasted years of my life on him at this point. Is leaving him the only answer?! I need your advice on this

A: I'm glad you heard the Get Out of Your Rut Class and that it's inspired you to try & figure this out. I'd hate you to spend another few years in limbo with your guy

Having said that, we don't know the answer yet, but it's entirely possible that you can retrieve this relationship, get it out of the rut and finally move forward into what you want with this man

There's a technique I use to kickstart something that is stalled. And it's been very effective in bringing relationships to soulmate level, where everything changes and it goes where you want it to go

The technique involves getting out of any bad pattern the relationship has fallen into

And also bringing it up to soulmate level

Even if your boyfriend doesn't know what you're doing, it only takes one person to uplevel the relationship and make it dynamic again

Set a secret intention that you will make it better

And then watch your energy, trying your best to stay in a good, centered and hopeful place even as things come up

It really does help to have someone walk this journey with you to get what you want

The ONLY Thing Wrong with You

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 22 Aug 2018 12:01:00 +0000

Q: I've been following your work for more than a year now.

I've read your books and I always listen to every webinar and Q&A, but nothing is working for me.

I feel like I grow and make progress with every class I listen to. I still have faith that love will happen for me and soon, but it's hard to stay strong in the dating desert.

I rarely meet people out-and-about or even in church, although I do look around and try to project a friendly welcoming manner. I just joined match.com about 2 months ago and only about 5 guys have contacted me.

I emailed 2 (not any of the 5) but they were clearly not interested.

If I have a "block". I don't know what it is, but I'm pretty sure it's not the main ones you talk about, because I've given those considerable thought. I can't afford your programs.

Do you have any other advice? I feel like faith alone is not enough, which goes along with what I've heard you say that waiting and waiting is not the right approach either. I'm not sure what else to do, besides pray or meditate to have the block revealed to me.

What do you think?

A: You do have a block for sure, and I'm sorry for your experiences.

At some point, you probably should get additional help. It's too easy to read or hear something and not really do anything differently. Joining a course or getting coaching has been my breakthrough in several instances and paid for itself many times over.

Oftentimes, you need to go deeper with someone holding your hand through the hard parts.

But on to your question. There's nothing wrong with you BUT a block. You haven't identified what yours is yet, but you definitely have one or you'd be with your soulmate by now.

The good news is we don't have to identify what the block is. There is a shortcut to what you want, and it's something I seed into all of my work. If you can do this, things can change in an instant.

Love is the easiest thing to manifest in this way. It could happen any minute when you get yourself into the right energy.

What does this entail? Let me break it down.

1. Getting happy more of the time. It's just that simple. Being happy is magnetic.

2. Shoring up your soft spots. Many who have difficulty finding love get knocked down from Soulmate Level on certain subjects or in certain situations. For example, one of my clients would find herself shrinking whenever she saw an attractive man. She would shut down, getting fearful. There was no way she could connect with the guy once her energy started sinking.

Her job (and yours) was to learn to stay at the high level at critical moments for her love life that scared her.

It took some practice but in this instance, she mastered it quickly and met a guy 9 days later who she is still with now. That's how fast it can go once you're at Soulmate Level.

3. Making sure you are open. Many I've worked with sabotage themselves without even knowing it. One person I worked with cherished her freedom more than she realized. Every time a good prospect presented himself -- a hot guy who was available -- she would mess it up or find fault until it was too late. We had to deconstruct this tendency - of which she was not aware - and fix it. Once we identified it, troubleshooting the pattern wasn't hard and now she is happily married.

What I've just outlined is the fastest way to love (and to anything else you want, too). It's worth it to get there.

2 secrets to go beyond your limit

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 15 Aug 2018 10:43:00 +0000

Q: Kathryn, I feel so stuck in my life. I had a rough childhood and am so happy that at last I’m on my own now

But I hate my job and am barely making ends meet. And on top of that, I can’t seem to keep anyone I’m interested in

The ones I don’t want will come around but when I finally meet someone interesting (let’s call the last one “Phil), he’ll drift away after a few months together

Phil broke up with me last weekend and said he just wasn’t feeling it. After telling me at first that he could see a future with me and couldn’t stop thinking of me!!!

I’m so frustrated. How is my life nothing like I want it? I’m too old to keep doing this and pretty despairing at this point

Please help me. I’m extremely sick of my life right now

A: I’m so sorry you are suffering, and I totally get it

I’m glad you reached out, though, because I can help

Congrats on making it to adulthood and out of your bad childhood!

Unfortunately, it’s far too easy to get in a rut and not be able to pull yourself any further . . . just what you are experiencing now

So it really IS time to do something new to get different results, right?

It’s something I help so many do, even when they’d just about given up

So WHAT is the secret to surpassing yourself or even your family pattern? To getting unstuck & going beyond where you’ve ever been?

There are 2 ways that I use to help folks break through, and it’s why my success rate is so high . . . even for HOLDOUTS, those who don’t manifest easily

1. Think back to when you’ve had a breakthrough before – even like when you finally got to adulthood and could break free from your upbringing. Remember that exhilarating energy when you’ve leapt forward?

As you recapture that feeling, you can use it to propel yourself to where you want to go . . . even if it’s a totally different area of your life

2. Get pulled there by someone who is where you want to be

This second way is what my work does well, and it’s why so many people take a class from me and almost immediately break through to the love they’ve wanted for so long

I pull people with my writings and groups to a new and amazing level. I recently celebrated my 16th year of being married to my soulmate and have a huge track record with thousands of weddings

My work provides a jolt of hope and openings, so that love walks right into the door . . . and you never look back

And other things show up, too, like the right profession, money and more

4 Hot Tips for Love Attraction

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 08 Aug 2018 12:20:00 +0000

Q: Kathryn, summer is here, and I'm beyond ready for love. What can I do to find love this summer? I'm feeling more hopeful than usual.

A: Your hopefulness is already making you more magnetic to love. I hope you'll concentrate on keeping that faith and also having fun this summer.

In addition, here are 4 tips to make this your summer of love!

4 Hot Tips to Attract Love

1. SIGNAL: If you are a woman, give a nonverbal signal when you're interested in a man. Prolonged eye contact can bring someone all the way across a crowded room. Despite what the bestseller THE RULES, says (let him make the first move), studies show that men generally will not approach a woman until they've gotten some signal of interest, whether it's a nod, a smile or simply a friendly eye gaze.

And no matter what gender you are, seeking a connection, being curious and warm toward someone makes you irresistible.

2. BE YOURSELF. Some experts say that you need to act this way or look that way, but studies don't bear out the notion of fitting yourself into some general mold of desirability. Reasons for attraction are so varied and so individual-specific that your best bet is to just be who you are, the most positive YOU with confidence, and the person who is attracted to your qualities will not be able to see past you.

One formerly single mom client who is now on my wall of weddings was always told she was too quiet and withdrawn to find love. As she did my work, an uncle showed up to pick up a child at her house from a playdate. He was taken with her and loved what a good listener she was.

It took him 45 minutes to collect his nephew and leave. He made sure he had her number before he drove away. The rest is history - the two tied the knot 18 months later. Not only did this show that love would come to her door but also that she never had to be something she was not. Her new husband adores her contemplative, sensitive nature. They're a perfect fit.

3. FORGET LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT and give an emotional bond and the ensuing chemistry time to develop. Studies overwhelmingly show that physical attraction levels vary between the first meeting and a deeper bonding time. Either the attraction grows or it peters out as the couple get to know each other. Many peopledevelop crushes with repeated exposure to an individual who they at first didn't find attractive which explains the phenomenon of office romances.

Just have fun this summer, enjoy flirting and bonding, and as you give love a chance to dawn, it will.

4. DO WHAT FITS YOU. If you're not the bar or on-line type, don't force yourself to visit bars or do the on-line dating thing. Studies show that the way people meet are so varied that you can't predict when love will happen. Chances are that if you don't like bars, you're not going to meet someone compatible in one. Better to do what feels natural to you and trust that love will find you.

Love Life Affirmation
I connect with my soulmate. I commit to him (or her). We are one. I continue to open to love. I am a magnet for my love this summer.

A Rut

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 01 Aug 2018 07:12:00 +0000

Here's a Q & A - a great one for anyone getting impatient to find love.

Q: Dear Kathryn, I feel SO stuck in my life. It has been eons since I've even had a date.

I recently discovered your work, and for the first time in years, I'm finding hope that maybe I can find love after all.

Is there anything I can do to get out of this rut I feel like I'm in?

Thanks!

A: First off, let me say that even if you've waited a long time for love or almost given up, you still get love. That has not changed.

When you've had a long pattern of any kind, it takes a concerted, steady effort to change it. That's why a book or teleseminar here and there (or even a retreat) are not enough.

You need to institute a regular protocol to change things up. When I work with people privately, we lay in a regular combo of recordings, homework, meditations (hypnosis), daily practices and private sessions that keep them moving beyond blocks they may have.

This is the best way to break a bad "habit" -- or rut -- in love.

One of my private clients -- at age 51 -- recently used this practice to manifest the thing that had eluded her all of her life: the man of her dreams. He's the most handsome guy she has dated, highly successful and crazy about her, too.

I bless you for finding what can work the best to keep you moving into love. I have a feeling we may be adding your photo to our love wall soon :)

Dating Out of Your League #5: do the OPPOSITE of your instinct

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 25 Jul 2018 09:37:00 +0000

Step #5 is something that seems counterintuition but seals the deal with the one you want

In Step 5, we continue on how to behave when you connect with someone you are intimidated by

This is the connection part

I know this sounds weird but in this case, you have to fight your instinct

STEP #5 TO DATING OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE

So what is Step #5?

Act differently than your instinct

- So far your instinct hasn't served you or you would be with your soulmate

- The problem is that most people, when they see someone they feel is out of their league, get intimidated

- And being intimidated means you act out of fear rather than faith

- This is where you go wrong

- To go against your instinct, we have to do things differently

HOW TO DO THIS

In Steps 1 - 4, you learned how to attract someone and how to start connecting well

But even if you attract someone you consider out of your league, most people blow it

What they do next doesn't work

• They get clingy & paranoid this person will leave

• They act from a fear based place

• Desperation repels, and so this will drive the person away from you

• So we have to do the opposite of your instinct

• You need to be hard to get

• This is the faith-based position

• Act as though you are a catch (you are) and don't be overly available

• This is not manipulation when you mean it

SHE LOST THEM ALL

I once worked with a woman who had high standards

She was selective, and all of her friends told her to be less picky

I told her to stay picky

That wasn't the problem

She connected with a few hot guys over the years, but would blow it shortly after

They all went away

She would get clingy, demanding, need reassurance and create drama

Our work changed that so she calmed down and stayed more centered

She also did the steps I told her to be hard-to-get in a GOOD way

It worked!

She attracted the most handsome, wonderful and successful man she had ever met

This time, she did not center her whole life around him

She held on loosely, which is wildly magnetic

And it lasted!

He proposed within just 4 months, saying he had never met a woman like her

(All previous loves had chased him wildly)

The fact is that when you act according to who you really are - a catch - you can get anyone you want . . and keep them

As my now happily-married client will attest to

YOUR HOMEWORK

1. Using Steps 1 - 4 (these steps are being posted on my blog if you need to catch up) attract the ones you want

2. As you connect, do not fawn over them but treat them as an equal

3. Don't act hard-to-get, be hard-to-get. This person should prove himself to you -- that he is serious and interested

4. We're not paying games here, but holding on loosely and not being super caught up in the romance until well into it is magic. It is very magnetic so as you fight your instinct to cling, you will see people go crazy over you!

This is the last in the Dating Out of Your League Series. Hope you've enjoyed it.

Dating Out of Your League #4: SPILL the coffee

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 18 Jul 2018 06:29:00 +0000

Step #4 to date out of your league is interacting differently

In Steps 1 - 3, we worked on changing the way you're thinking and the energy you are exuding

In Step 4, we get into how to behave when you connect with someone you are intimidated by
This is the connection part

And I'm about to majorly SURPRISE YOU with how to behave, because it's different than you are thinking

STEP #4 TO DATING OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE

So what is Step #4?

Interact equally

- You need to treat this person as an equal

- No longer should you be intimidated

- But don't think you have to be perfect

- Just connect in a way that bonds you

- And you're going to be very surprised by what this might include

HOW TO DO THIS

The losing thought is to feel this person is unattainable

In the first 3 steps to dating out of your league, we got you ready to interact

Now as you encounter the ones you think are out of your league . .

• You need to see them as someone well within range for you

• Remember they're only human. They have their own insecurities

• And they will not even consider someone who feels less than them

• So when you see him, you need to remind yourself he is your equal

• He is in your range

• He is another human being looking for a connection

• Interact with that in mind

SPILLING THE COFFEE

Results of some pretty revealing research blew my mind & really confirm what I teach

The study involved applying for a job and the interview interaction

The results are startling and can eaily be applied to dating, too

Basically 3 candidates were sent into job interviews - 2 were the perfect candidate with good personalities and all the requirements and 1 was a great personality but less-than-perfect requirements

1 of the 2 perfect candidates was asked to spill coffee in their interview!

It sounds awkward and a slam dunk that the more coordinated perfect candidate would get the job offer
But no. The person who spilled the coffee got the job offer every time

Why is this? Because spilling the coffee humanized the job candidate to the interviewer

We want to use this same principle in interacting with someone you may deem out of your league

If you are vulnerable, even awkward, it's endearing. It humanizes you

All of this is to say that you don't have to be perfect, just relatable

I had a client who considered herself kind of plain. She literally called herself "basic" which made me laugh

I did have to get her to think of herself differently

We also used her self-effacing charm to simply bond better

She ended up catching the eye of an eligible guy who she would usually have deemed way out of her league

He had women vying for him left and right

But my client's down-to-earth, even awkward charm, was what caught his attention

She met him as an equal, bonded well and owned her humanity

He asked her on a date, things went well and the two are now engaged

YOUR HOMEWORK

1. I want you to realize you don't have to be perfect to attract someone you have deemed out of your league. You just want to be approachable and human, even show some imperfections

2. Practice looking men in the eye and at least smiling -- as an equal. I know for some of my clients who have been intimidated by the hot, eligible ones, this in itself is big growth. Studies show that eye contact and smiling are very attractive and magnetic

3. In the old days, women used to drop their scarves to get a man to have to do something for them. Do you have to go that far? No, it's manipulative. But it's okay to be awkward or even clumsy. Just be YOU in all your humanity and know that's enough

4. Try to make any interaction = they talk - you talk - they talk. You don't want either side to have a monologue because that is not engaging either way

Dating Out of Your League #3: how to get NOTICED

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 11 Jul 2018 06:39:00 +0000

Step #3 to date out of your league is an attitude adjustment

In Steps 1 and 2, we worked on how you think of yourself, boosting your self-image and changing your script

In Step 3, we make a thought correction that will trip you up until it's dealt with

Deciding who is out of your league is very arbitrary

Ever saw a person who you were surprised to see with someone hot and desirable?

And had the thought "How did SHE get HIM?!"?
This is an example of incorrect thinking

You made a judgment call that he was too good for her

Deeming anyone out of your league is the same random categorization of someone as too good for you

We need to change this!

STEP #3 TO DATING OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE
So what is Step #3?

Think of the hot ones differently

- WARNING - if you do not take this step, then even if you get someone hot noticing you, it is impossible to keep him

- Here's the truth -- if you think of this hot person as someone out of your league

- If you are intimidated by him . . . attraction cannot flourish

- Before you exchange a single word, he is sensing your energy

- If you don't think of him as someone you could get, he will not notice you

- I'm about to show you how to create mindblowing attraction

- But you can't get out the gate if you've got him on a pedestal

HOW TO DO THIS

The losing thought is to feel this person is unattainable

In the first 2 steps to dating out of your league, we got you ready to interact

Now as you encounter the ones you think are out of your league . .

• You need to see them as someone well within range for you

• Remember they're only human. They have their own insecurities

• And they will not even consider someone who feels less than them

• So when you see him, you need to remind yourself he is your equal

• He is in your range

• He is another human being looking for a connection

NO ONE COULD UNDERSTAND HOW SHE GOT HIM

One of my original Bootcamp clients was quite the socialite

But when it came to the hot, quality guys, she would get completely tongue-tied

So we did the steps that I'm teaching you in this series

She started seeing guys as in her league, seeing their humanity and vulnerability

This client also had a celebrity crush

She could not believe when she actually met this famous guy at a party her publicist friend took her to

She had been practicing what I taught her, and caught his eye

My client was taken aback for a moment, but then remembered to look at this celebrity as an equal

Her crush actually approached her and struck up a conversation

They dated for several months until she realized he was really self-centered

But turning the head of her long-time crush helped give her the confidence to meet her "person" shortly after, a guy who she never, ever could have talked to before

He would have intimidated her, and never would have noticed her until she took Step #3

The two are now long married with 3 children

YOUR HOMEWORK

1. Start looking at people you have thought were out of your league differently

2. Notice what you think of them, how your body feels, any nervousness and how high the pedestal is you're putting them on

3. Do an in-the-moment course correction to see them as equals, as someone who could use a connection -- like you

4. Concentrate on feeling worthy and do remind yourself that deeming them above you is WRONG

Once you do, here's the best part: You will truly get this.

You'll know how to have people notice you, chase you down.

We'll get rid of anything you have that is in the way of you coming together with your "person" -- even if he's someone you thought was out of your league

I have never seen anyone have more fun than those who learn how to attract love and never again have to chase or be rejected or have heartbreak ever again

The biggest problem those who learn this have is getting used to how good things get

Dating Out of Your League #2: Get him to see you differently

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 04 Jul 2018 02:21:00 +0000

Step #2 to date out of your league comes from a phenomenon I first noticed when teaching workshops and seeing private clients

In workshops, we did an exercise of looking into a person's eyes without saying a word

It was UNCANNY how much people could know about each other just from looking before a word was said

And in seeing private clients, I noticed some clients had such a strong energy, I could barely resist it

For example, one client was convinced she was a "bad girl" and exuded that energy so strongly, I was buying into it

Until I shook myself out of it

But if a trained mental health professional can almost fall prey to this energy, can you imagine how much the average person would buy into the what you think about yourself?!

What you think about yourself informs the energy you exude

Which in turn tells people exactly how to think about you and treat you

STEP #2 TO DATING OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE

So what is Step #2?

Change Your Script

- A "script" is the energy we exude that tells others how to think of us and how to treat us

- Felt invisible? You probably have a script that says "ignore me"

- Attract unavailable guys? You have a script that says "I'll settle for crumbs"

- Keep getting victimized in love? You have a script that says "Kick me"

- I have a 5 step script changing process that works wonders

- In just a couple of hours, you can turn from an overlooked wall flower into a hot commodity

HOW TO DO THIS

My 5 step process is something I only teach those working with me -- it takes some guidance

But let me give you a couple of ways to start changing your script now

• We need to find the script you've got now. You can tell by how you're treated

• Then, we must get RID of your old limiting script

• And sub it with the script you want

SHE WENT FROM BRUTAL TO HAVING HIM BEGGING

At around the 10 minute mark in the "Attract the One You Want" free class, I described a client I worked with who was brutal with herself

Her script said "Kick me," and her love life reflected that

We did the 5 step script-changing process, and it changed everything

Suddenly, she was getting noticed, being honored and even sought after for the first time

She had her eye on a guy at church, and he start noticing her after we changed her script

They dated, and he ended up BEGGING HER to be his girlfriend

Changing your script is a powerful thing

YOUR HOMEWORK

1. Notice any pattern you have of being treated in a way you don't like. That will tell your script, and I would then let go of it

2. Think of how you WANT to be treated instead - that will be your new script

3. Practice taking your script out on a test run, exuding that different energy and notice how you are treated differently

Stay tuned for Step #3 of Dating Out of Your League next week. You'll learn the secret to having guys "out of your league" look at you like you're a mouth-watering dessert that they can't wait to sample

Dating Out of Your League #1: Don't LEAVE HOME til you do this!

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Fri, 29 Jun 2018 10:09:00 +0000

Step #1 to date "out of your league" is something you must know before you do anything else

Without it, you won't see anything different happen

Your love life will remain in limbo

And you will never attract anyone that you actually want

STEP #1 TO DATING OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE

So what is Step #1?

Elevate Yourself (the B for Boost in my ABC Connecting System)

- Until you feel better about yourself, you cannot attract anyone you want

- If you feel crappy about yourself, everyone you would actually like is truly out of reach

- You won't feel good enough

- And they won't see you as good enough either

- THE DANGER - you may settle for someone you really don't want

- Because you don't think you can get who you want

HOW TO DO THIS

We need to get you being nicer to yourself

A large body of research shows that self-compassion is the best way to elevate yourself

You need to feel good about who you are and what you deserve

We have to do some behavior modification

• We need to still any unkind ways you talk to yourself

• Learn to be easier on yourself

• And work on greater self-acceptance

SHE CAME TO ME MISERABLE

Joan had been with Rex for 3 years

She was bored by him but scared to death to break up

At 39, Joan was so fearful of ending up alone that she said YES to Rex even though she wasn't all that attracted

He seemed nice enough. They moved in together and had been a couple for 2 years when she came to me for help

Rex was not very exciting to her

In her opinion, they didn't have great chemistry

He didn't like to do much, didn't like to travel (which she loved) and their life together bored her

Joan found herself doing too much in the relationship -- all the laundry and grocery shopping, paying more of the bills

Joan regularly had crushes on guys at work, all of whom she felt would never give her the time of day

But she didn't have the courage to break up with Rex, scared to be alone

This is when she came to me

With me holding her hand, she ended the relationship, and we had to take Step #1 as well as a few other steps to start attracting guys supposedly out of her league

It was magic! She finally started feeling desirable and happier just out of being easier on herself

And one of her work crushes actually panned out.

She connected with out of her new self-regard, and he responded

The two are now a super couple with sizzling chemistry, and this "out of her league" romance was just the thing for her

"I finally got what I've always wanted" she smiled.

Step #1 was a large part of the work we did together to bring the love she wanted to Joan

YOUR HOMEWORK

1. Start watching what you say to yourself. Get rid of any insults you tell yourself, and tell yourself some more positive things, acknowledging the good things you do

2. Quit giving so much! Lighten up your schedule, give yourself a break from being perfect, and just enjoy life more of the time

3. Make a list of why you are special to get a better sense of how valuable you are, at the same level as those who you thought were out of your league

Stay tuned for Step #2 for Dating Out of Your League next week. You will learn how to get anyone you want to treat you the way you want them to.

It's magic!!

Is love in the air for YOU?!

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:54:00 +0000

So many of you have written or mentioned to me the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle last month

It’s given hope and inspiration to millions!

On the royal wedding day, I also had a new client say to me:

“I just can’t imagine after all I’ve been through that love could happen for me.”

With those words, she expressed one of the big things that can keep your own fairytale romance away

Believing you’re left out of love

I’d say 95% of the folks now on our Wall of Weddings had that fear – that somehow they were the one who couldn’t hope for their very own soulmate

And yet they got their person!

The very first chapter of my book Love Will Find You conveys the message:

“Believe he’s out there.”

He is

Having FAITH is very magnetic

And so if you’ve thought of love in the past day or two, let me reassure you that you DO GET IT

If you can have that hope and even belief, love will come very quickly to you

You never could be left out of something as magical as love

You are lovable and loved right now “as is”

Love is your birthright

Have a great rest of your week!

Love Repellent #7

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 13 Jun 2018 09:58:00 +0000

Love repellent #7 is what can end the honeymoon in a hurry

You got married! And then the dynamic shifts

You used to adore everything he said and everything he did

And suddenly you are nitpicking

Nothing he does is good enough

You constantly find fault

THE LOVE REPELLENT

So what is the love repellent here?

Developing contempt for your spouse

- Dr. John Gottman's research (revealed in Malcolm Gladwell's bestseller Blink) revealed a startling statistic

- By identifying one negative communication pattern, he became a predictor of divorce with great accuracy

- If the couple's communication contained disrespect that was at the level of contempt, . . .

. . . 90% of the time, the relationship would end in divorce

- Why?

- Because disrespect at that level is the most destructive pattern there is

- It's more than just criticism. Contempt is hostile and dismissive

- The target of contempt will feel unvalued and worthless

- No one would marry someone they felt contempt for!

- So how does a marriage erode into this?!

- There's a pattern that lowers the relationship to this dire state

- The good news is that it is reversible

So what do you do differently?

THE ANTIDOTE

To save the relationship, we have to get you back up to Soulmate Level

This is how you felt when you first fell in love

What happens to get you to contempt?

You go from being in love, cherishing this person to finding fault at every turn

You may treat him with disrespect, even mock him or berate him
Why would you do this?

• It's a way of not getting too close in case you would get hurt

• It often mirrors a pattern you saw in your childhood

• It's a way to feel superior in the event you have confidence issues

• And it's often the product of having an assumption about the role of your spouse, what they should be doing that they then fall short of

• Some have a pattern of devaluing someone who would actually love them, akin to Groucho Marx's joke "I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member"

People who display this negative communication get sick far more often with infectious disease

And it is the one pattern that almost ensures divorce

But no matter how bad it's gotten, you can heal this and save the marriage

Here is the antidote:

1. We need to shift the focus. Start looking for the things you appreciate in your partner

2. Interrupt the pattern by catching yourself when you're about to disrespect your spouse and let him off the hook

3. Have an honest talk with your mate about elevating the communication and apologize

4. Go deeper into your talk and admit that you're scared, that you had a bad example, that you don't know better

5. Display warmth and affection more regularly. Remember from Repellent #1, warmth is the characteristic that makes you most cherished

6. Have some fun together. Change the dynamic back to enjoyment

HE HAD FILED FOR DIVORCE

A married woman who came to me was at her wit's end

Her husband had filed for divorce

And he would not talk to her either. He had moved out and was only communicating through lawyers

She admitted the marriage had gotten bad after 6 years, but that she still loved him and wanted him back

When pressed, she disclosed that she treated him badly

-He never made enough money

-He was a clutter bug, hanging on to old albums, broken technology with piles all over their home

-He dressed like a slob

-He said stupid things at parties

Her list of his faults was a mile long

I asked her why she wanted him back if he was so horrible?

She looked at me funny, and said, "I love him!"
I asked her why she loved him

And it changed everything

She had a long list of how he is handsome, lovely, warm, endearing and sensitive

So what happened?!

Over the years, she quit focusing on how great it was to be with the one she loved

And put increasing focus on the mundane daily issues and how he was screwing up

The big revelation was that none of the nitpicky stuff mattered

What mattered was how much they had loved each other

(And as the mother of 4 boys plus a husband and a male dog, I had to lower her expectations on what to expect on the household front: LOL!)

It took a lot of pushing and going through the lawyer to get the two in a room together

My client poured her heart out, admitting she still loved him, apologizing and telling him she was wrong to have so much contempt for him

He agreed to give the marriage one more try

He still loved her but was just so beaten down

It took some work for her to not devolve into that same contempt pattern but with the steps we took, she was able to keep it at Soulmate Level

She had to show him how much she still loved him, and that she had changed

And they are more happy then ever!

Healing my client from Love Repellent #7 saved her marriage and allowed her to get closer than she has ever been to another human, something she admitted she was scared of due to childhood trauma

YOUR HOMEWORK

1. If you are in an eroding relationship now or have been in the past, we need to get you out of that pattern so it won't happen again. Write down any way that you contributed to the demise of your relationship now or in the past. Leave room after each one, and write down what you could have done better that would have been more constructive

2. When you find yourself going down the criticism path, stop yourself and instead, remember all of the ways you appreciate your partner. Put a hard line with yourself over going down the path of insulting, mocking or any expression of contempt. This should be unacceptable behavior!

3. Ask yourself "Do I have a pattern of contemptive behavior in my past?" If so, this is a warning that we need to guard against and learn a new respect for fellow human beings and for your mate especially.

The easiest way to do so is to practice appreciation, respect and get more comfortable with being close

4. Make it a habit to often display warmth (the antidote to Repellent #1) especially to those you are close to. If we can make this your default mode of communication, the rewards will be immense, particularly in your marriage

5. If someone begins treating YOU with contempt, then address it with that person. If they continue, write it off as a divorce deadend and move on. You are worth more than this, and it won't end well anyway

So this is the last blog in my Love Repellent Series. I hope you've enjoyed the info, which comes from 18 years of helping people find and keep love and a huge wall of weddings to show for it. If you missed any of the series, catch my blog where the repellents are being reposted.

Love Repellent #6

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Mon, 04 Jun 2018 23:49:00 +0000

Love repellent #6 is what can crash and burn a great relationship just when you're getting to engagement

You're committed, it's serious and suddenly he's pulling away

He might even say something like: "I just can't see myself marrying you."

Or hedge and delay proposing

I have had more people than I can count coming to me devastated that the person that they thought they would marry bailed on them

And I have helped most of them work it out to marry that person

THE LOVE REPELLENT

So what is the love repellent here?

Not navigating the time from commitment to engagement and marriage well

- This can be a crazymaking time

- Where your safety mechanisms rise up -- without your even knowing it

- And you sabotage the entire thing

- How?

- By acting out, by creating drama, by criticizing

- Behavior like this pulls you two apart

- It's a way to try and keep you safe as you get close

- But it can kill a very solid relationship

- Most people don't even know they're doing this

- Healing this situation often involves going to the very roots of the original wound

So what do you do differently?

THE ANTIDOTE

You must learn to open up even further and stay at a higher level with the relationship

Why are we so tempted to get judgy, make waves, to pull away?

If you have been hurt in the past -- especially during childhood -- something deep in you will be scared to death to go that deep with someone

And you will find a million things wrong with him

Every insecurity will come up

Every suspicion will rise up if you do not feel safe

And you push your mate away one way or another

Here is the antidote:

1. You must learn a skill that is the basis of any effective therapy - self-soothing

2. Deal with your own drama and don't project it on your mate

3. Keep seeking a position of FAITH rather than mistrust in the relationship. You must find a way to feel safe!

4. Let your mate have his space when he needs it

5. Test the relationship to see if it's dynamic, and if it is, you need not worry about where it's going

6. Be as even-keeled as you possibly can during this time and enjoy being part of a couple

SHE DROVE HIM AWAY WITH HER DRAMA

One client met the nicest, hottest guy she had ever dated within a month of us starting to work together

But then it got complicated

The two quickly went from dating to committed to talking marriage

But I soon discovered why she had never been married at age 42

She start finding fault with this guy - pulling back from him over very small things

And she was suspicious if he even looked at another woman (her last ex had been unfaithful)

This client went so far as to not speak with her boyfriend for days at a time over things she made up in her head

He could not manage to soothe her insecurities and soon tired of jumping all the hoops she was putting up

So we enacted the Engagement Formula to the rescue!

My job became healing the part of her that was so badly hurt

Learning self-soothing

And ceasing to project all of her past wounds on to this poor guy who truly loves her

It took a lot of talking her off the ledge

Calming her down

And doing an interrupt on this very destructive pattern she had going

No wonder she was single at age 42!!

Deep healing was accomplished

And she learned to let herself be close without fear

The two are now married

And she still pinches herself at how "lucky" she is (she created this "luck" in truth)

Healing my client from Love Repellent #6 finally got her the one thing she wanted most but was scared she would never have -- marriage to her soulmate!

YOUR HOMEWORK

1. Write down every way that you have sabotaged yourself in past relationships

Some of the common patterns are

~ creating emotional drama

~ being suspicious, projecting past bad experiences onto my boyfriend (or girlfriend)

~ distancing, disappearing for a while

~ being super judgy over minor issues with partner

~ demanding partner jump through hoops to prove themselves

Does any of this sound familiar?! :)

2. When the above patterns try to assert themselves, don't say a word, don't do anything but get some time alone to self-soothe, have an attitude adjustment first

3. Do communicate with your partner. If (s)he's your soulmate, the relationship is resilient. Staying in touch, disclosing what is going on is a KEY to building a good, healthy, dynamic relationship

Stay tuned for our final Love Repellent #7 in next blog. This repellent is the one that leads to divorce.

It can sabotage a relationship at any stage, and MUST be dealt with

Love Repellent #5

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Mon, 28 May 2018 02:57:00 +0000

Love repellent #5 is what can take a budding relationship DOWN

Things are looking promising, but suddenly the interest is waning

He calls less, seems less interested and then he's gone

You might even ask what happened, and he'll say something vague like "I realized it wasn't right"

He doesn't even know why his feelings died!

THE LOVE REPELLENT

What happened?!

You felt an urgency to find someone soon and gave yourself away too easily

- Yep. One of the things that I teach is "don't cry 'soulmate' too early"

- What does this mean?!

- You have a few dates, and he seems enthralled with you

- He's already talking long term -- trips, concerts, even creating a life together

- And rather than slow it down, you just buy right into it

- Is taking a "wait and see" attitude cynical?!

- No, it's not

- You're simply honoring yourself with the luxury of going slow

- And not giving away yourself too easily

- There are many reasons why someone may be talking about a future early

- They're in the moment, they're looking for sex. Who knows?

- But only time will tell if they mean business and if they really are what you want

So what do you do differently?

THE ANTIDOTE

You shouldn't play hard-to-get

You should BE hard-to-get

When you hold yourself in high regard, a byproduct of self-esteem, you don't fall for the first flowery-talking, handsome guy who comes along

Here is the antidote:

1. See yourself as someone special who is confident and feels attractive

2. Do not fall for talk of the future but take a wait-and-see attitude

3. You should not be overly available. If someone really likes you, they'll make dates ahead of time, jump through a few hoops and do at least their share of heavy lifting (initiating calls, texts and dates rather than you always having to reach out)

4. Have a great time on dates, but your life should be filled with other dates (until commitment), work, friends, family and balance in between so you're not sitting by the phone waiting

5. The D in my super effective ABC Connecting Method is "dance away". Why would we include that step? Because far too many get hooked into someone and hang on too long rather than pull away. Pulling away means you're trusting if it's meant to be, it will happen. It's an act of faith

6. Don't be Desperate - Dance Away -- that's a good motto to have. It ensures you are centered and not giving into the lower fears that tend to sabotage a good thing you have going

WE CORRECTED THIS REPELLENT & SHE FOUND LOVE IN A FEW MONTHS

One student I worked with had three relationships in a row fizzle. She was at her wit's end.

In each case, the guy was talking about a future, and then practically disappeared

What did she do wrong?

She was guilty of Love Repellent #5 - crying soulmate too early

She went right along with planning a future just within the first few days!

Bad mistake

When she came to me, she was so hurt and ready to give up on love

We did a release on her 3 exes (one literally only lasted 2 weeks) and changed what she was doing

From then on, she became hard-to-get, smiling when guys would mention a future but not encouraging it

She got busy with the rest of her life, and never put all her eggs in one basket, always having multiple dates lined up

Within a few weeks, she met Finn, a handsome and charming man

While she was once again quite fascinated with Finn, she did not comment when he would bring up the future

She just smiled and stuck to her vow to end dates earlier and not be super available

She felt better, just for finally honoring herself
And sure enough, instead of driving Finn away, he kept showing up

He pinned her down for a Saturday date early in the week

He had to put up or shut up in order to turn her head

Sure enough, he insisted on a commitment within a month (she put him off at least a week on that one)

And proposed within 2 months

The two are now planning a wedding, and to this day, she's still not using the word soulmate

I suggest not using the term "soulmate" until you're married. You want to make sure

Your love interest should have to earn that title!

Learning Love Repellent #5 and finally acting in a way that honored herself proved just the remedy for her broken heart

And this student will never have a broken heart again!

YOUR HOMEWORK

If you're using the antidotes from Love Repellents #1 - #4, then you're no doubt seeing a huge change in your love life

You're getting more interest and bonding better with those you find attractive

They're calling and pursuing you

But do remember Dance Away not Desperation

Hold yourself in high regard and BE hard-to-get

There is no manipulation needed here

Just know that you need to explore a relationship to really be sure it's soulmate material

Practically speaking, you should:

• not do all of the heavy lifting in a relationship, initiating calls, texts and dates. Let them do a lot of that

• end dates before they go on too long - you'll have plenty of time to get to know one another. No need to rush it!

• only get physically close when you are ready. Do not give into pressure when you don't feel emotionally secure enough in the relationship for intimacy

• don't fall for flowery words unless they are backed up by behaviors. He needs to walk the talk for you to take him seriously

• be busy so you're not focusing on the relationship to the point of obsession. Keep dating others until you are committed

Stay tuned for the Love Repellent #6 in next week's blog. This repellent is why you don't get to the commitment you want

It's really irritating when your ex, who after 3 years would not marry you, breaks up with you to marry another gal within a year

What does she know that you didn't?!

Overcoming this repellent is a big reason why our wall of weddings is huge and ever-expanding. This gets you from dating into a committed relationship

Love Repellent #4

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Mon, 21 May 2018 04:12:00 +0000

Love repellent #4 is what can make a date go bad without your knowing it

The date goes nicely but then they never call again

You don't know what you did wrong

But he did kiss you at the end of the date

And promised to call

But why didn't he?!

THE LOVE REPELLENT

What are you doing that make the date pull away?

It's not picking up and returning BIDS

- What is a BID?

- Anytime someone opens up to you, they are very vulnerable

- Each communication feels like a risk to them

- They need to feel you are with them

- So if they lob a BID your way, and you react negatively -- even if you think it's a valid argument or healthy debate -- they start pulling away

- There's a subtle bonding process that begins the minute you meet -- maybe even sooner if you're online dating

- It's important to do everything you can to let this person know they are safe and understood with you

- And it's critical to know what will bond you and what will push them away

- I have long seen that many people simply don't know HOW they're pushing people away

- And once they learn how to bond, they quickly find love

THE ANTIDOTE

You have to learn when you're getting a bid and what to do with it

And further, it's one key to creating a bond

Here is the antidote:

1. Start noticing when folks are putting a bid out to you, particularly on a date

2. Respond positively. Don't negate what they just said, don't be luke warm but instead be supportive, warm and interested

3. When someone negates a BID -- let's say you argue, or say NO -- your date feels subtly rejected

Even when it's something silly like you not trying a bite of their food or asking them not to lean against your recently painted wall.

It creates a distance between you

4. Dates are no time to argue politics, religion or any subject. They're a time for bonding and creating a connection, particularly if you like your date!

5. To create a positive BID, you can use everything we've been discussing so far in the Love Repellent Series - be warm, ask follow-up questions and look them in the eyes

6. We need to add to this by also being positive, supportive and saying YES as much as we can (not to sex if you're not feeling it, that's another subject and related to Boundaries, and ascertaining interest. We'll get there soon)

SHE FOUND LOVE AFTER BEING SINGLE FOR DECADES

I worked with a high powered litigation attorney a few years ago

She grew up in an argumentative family of strong-willed independent people

(There's nothing wrong with being empowered in that way)

She was well-versed in debate

And did not even realize how often she negated people's bids

She said NO so often to colleagues invitations to lunches, dinners and having a quick drink, they quit asking her

She went on a date when we first start working together, and by probing, I found out she did the following on that date:

- got into a heated discussion about an proposition on the upcoming election ballot

- refused the date's offer of a sip of his signature cocktail

- did not take up his BID of mentioning his family (she could have asked more details to indicate interest)

- fairly abruptly announced she had to go when the clock struck 10

And she liked this guy!!!

She did not even realize how often she negated people's bids

In her family growing up, no one knew or cared about bids

And her willingness to argue and be abrasive actually serves her well in her field

But she was unable to turn this tendency off in order to bond to someone she actually wanted to be close to!!

This client had had a LOT of first dates and very few second ones, no surprise

And she tended to be lonely with few friends

So we worked on returning BIDS better

I forbade even NEUTRAL BIDS (those where you are polite but cold or not engaging)

I asked her to return BIDS with a positive response to everyone for a period of time

She was SHOCKED at her instinct to shut folks down
She never even knew she was doing it

But as she gave new responses, the outcome was so positive she got in practice better

And then she ran into the guy who never called again on the street (the one she liked)

After all of our practice, she naturally reached out to him, giving her own very positive bid

He looked surprised, but said "hello"

She then apologized for coming across as cold on their date, saying she had had a bad day

They ended up having a long discussion on the street, which led to drinks and dinner

THIS TIME, they did bond!

The two are now engaged, planning a wedding this fall

Learning Love Repellent #4 and course correcting proved just the ticket for this happy client

YOUR HOMEWORK

This week, start noticing when people are lobbing BIDS your way

Practice giving POSITIVE BIDS as much as you can

Notice the response to BIDS you give out, and don't take it personally if someone doesn't respond in kind

They may not know about BIDS, and suffer for it
(There is no rejection, there is just the wrong fit)

As you get into practice, you can use BIDS to bond more quickly so you get the second, third, fourth dates and beyond

You can even use this knowledge at work and with friends for very good results

Stay tuned for the Love Repellent #5 in next blog.

This repellent is big reason you don't attract who you want. Once you learn it, you will be treated very differently in the best way possible

Learning will make all of the difference in your ability to get to the second, third, fourth dates and beyond

Love Repellent #3

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:24:00 +0000

Love repellent #3 can make you and your soulmate be like ships passing in the night

You don't see each other, don't connect and it's left for another time and place to come together

THE LOVE REPELLENT

What is this failure to connect that will repel love?

It's not looking in people's eyes

- I have been astounded at how many people avoid looking into others' eyes

- Especially if it's someone they find hot (most likely to be your soulmate)

- If you don't connect or actively avoid it, it's impossible to meet your soulmate

- The first thing we learn in my ABC Connecting formula is how to properly look someone in the eye

- One shy student I trained in this technique can get anyone she wants to cross a crowded room to talk to her

- Learning to connect like you are looking into their soul is wildly powerful

- And if you don't know how to do this, you might as well hang a "not available" sign around your neck

THE ANTIDOTE

How to look in someone's eyes magnetically?

Here is the antidote:

1. Start practicing way before you meet someone interesting. Look into the eyes of the grocery checker, your pregnant co-worker and anyone else you encounter

2. Practice looking into their eyes and really seeing them for just a few seconds

3. Did you ever wonder how babies know to look at you right in your eyes? And so does your dog!

4. If you're sitting at a traffic light, isn't it weird that you look at the driver in the next lane, they will feel your gaze, turn their head and look at who is staring at them?!

5. Looking at someone is powerful. You don't want to be creepy, but just a few seconds and people will treat you much differently

6. Try it starting TODAY so you are in practice when your love comes along

SHE FOUND A LOVE FOR THE AGES

One super shy woman signed on as my client
This is the first thing we did -- learn to look in peoples' eyes, which was extremely hard for her
But she got good at it

She noticed she got more popular at work and was making more friends

This led to her being invited to a dinner party with a lot of show biz folks

One guy came in late, plopped himself in front of her and not looking up, start wolfing down food

When he glanced up for a second, she realized he is a pretty well-known celebrity

She almost froze, but remembered all of the work we had been doing

So rather than do nothing, she muttered "You have beautiful eyes," to him, half joking

He said, "really?!"

And she looked at him with the gaze we had been practicing, really looked into his eyes

"I looked into his eyes, and they WERE beautiful. They really were!! I felt I could see his soul in that moment, and I think he recognized me, too."

They chatted a while at the party, and she gave him her number before leaving to get some shuteye before work

Her phone rang at 4 a.m.

It was this celebrity, asking her to go out on a date that night

She said "yes". They went on the date, and have been together ever since

The two are now married!

And all of this came from her learning to

avoid Love Repellent #3

(This guy's friends were astounded. They never thought he'd settle down. But now the two have been married for quite a few years)

YOUR HOMEWORK

In the next day or two, start looking people right in the eye

Be interested in trying to see their soul for a moment

Yes, you may become super popular and need to learn boundaries

But you will be open and ensure that you don't miss your soulmate

Just a glance or two makes people feel seen
And it will open many doors for you including the one right into the arms of your soulmate

Stay tuned for the Love Repellent #4 in next week's email. This repellent will make you choke on a date like nothing else. It is one of the biggest revelations of all time to many now on my wall of weddings.

Learning will make all of the difference in your ability to get to the second, third, fourth dates and beyond

Love Repellent #2

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Thu, 03 May 2018 05:11:00 +0000

Love repellent #2 is something that far too many people have no clue they're doing

When I work with people, they do it almost unanimously without realizing it

And yet it is the key to connecting, to being sought after and even winning a bucket load of money

THE LOVE REPELLENT

What is this wrongheaded behavior that will repel love?

It's making it all about you without even knowing it

-This is something you may not even realize you do

- Many people make the huge mistake of thinking that they must come across as dazzling and fascinating to attract anyone

- That is a very self-centered and wrongheaded notion

- Believe it or or not, when you become self-conscious, you are guilty of this, too

- When you get self-conscious, you're making it all about you when there is another person in front of you who needs to connect

- I literally have to train most of my students how to have an engaging conversation when faced with someone hot (most likely to be your soulmate)

- If you can do this differently, research shows that you will get 80% more second dates

THE ANTIDOTE

So what can you do to be less self-centered and truly connect with someone you want to?

Here is the antidote:

1. Make sure your conversations go like this: you talk - they talk - you talk (no monologues allowed)

2. Worry more about being a good listener than how you come across. Shelf the self-consciousness as very self-centered. You don't have time for that!

3. Now here's the part that gets people 80% more second dates. Ask follow-up questions. The simple act of listening well enough to really hear and then asking for more clarification will bond you to the point where your love interest must see you again

4. Why does this work so well? Research shows that our brains light up more when we talk about ourselves than when we are either having sex or eating. LOL!

HE WON $500K BY AVOIDING REPELLENT #2

A life coach that I hired won half a million dollars at age 24 by avoiding this repellent. He was a contestant on a major network's game show.

And he noticed that none of his fellow contestants asked him anything about his life. Ever! They fell into the trap of Repellent #2 probably without realizing it.

But this coach knew better than to fall into Repellent #2. Instead of making it all about him, this naturally quiet guy asked everyone about their lives back home and really listened, asking many follow-up questions.

He ended up getting the only unanimous vote in the history of the game to win half a million dollars. Plus he won another $50,000 by being voted the viewers' favorite, too.

All because he had bonded with his fellow contestants by really listening to them, something that no one else did.

YOUR HOMEWORK

In the next week, combine the homework from Repellent #1 (being warm in your voice and face -- hopefully, you're getting good at this!) with this new piece - ask follow-up questions, really listen and engage with other people

Quit making it about you but just be super interested in THEM. It will help you in love. People will be mysteriously drawn to you. And it can help in work or even in a game show :)

Stay tuned for the Love Repellent #3 in next week's email. Overcoming this one resulted in a romance for the ages ♥

Love Repellent #1

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Wed, 25 Apr 2018 01:57:00 +0000

Love repellent #1 is BIG - that's why we're starting with it

I'm teaching a Dating Mastermind right now, and my students talk a lot about being fearful of "risk." To them, risk means opening up, making a move toward someone

When people feel like opening up is RISKY, they shut down, often put on a mask and commit the very worse sin of all

THE LOVE REPELLENT

What is that fatal sin that will repel love?

It's being cold and not engaging

-This is something you may not even realize you do

-Research shows when you feel something is at stake, you can go into a fear state

-A fear state makes you shut down, get jittery and tongue-tied without even knowing it

- It's easy to come across as COLD when you are fearful

-This will make a possible love interest pull back

-Supermodels often naturally exude a sense of "don't touch me" to repel folks they don't want to meet

-It can become so kneejerk that the repel the ones they might like, without even knowing it

THE ANTIDOTE

So what can you do to ensure you're not falling into being cold & non-engaging?

(Research shows that most of us don't know we're even doing it -- though we have a vague sense of being "off-center")

Here is the antidote:
1. Work on learning to exude warmth

This takes practice and so it's something I work with people on before they connect with someone they find attractive

2. Talk to people like you would talk to your dog or a child that you love. Warmth is mainly expressed in your voice. Research finds that warmth in your voice is the greatest factor on how people judge you and if they open up to you or not

3. Warmth can also be expressed in what you say (something we'll talk about in the next email) and your body language

4. This bears out the research that shows most communication is non-verbal. We need to become more aware of this, and use it. I'm here to help with that!

5. This particular knowledge can help you in other perceived high-pressure situations like a job interview. If you use warmth, you're much more likely to be hired and will rule office politics, too

YOUR HOMEWORK

For the next 24 hours, make a conscious effort to be more warm in your interactions with others -- starting with your voice. Ask friends if you come across as warm or cold, and if they say "cold," this will be a critical step for you

Yes, it may feel like a risk, but it is far more risky to come across as cold

As you start seeing results, it will be much easier to keep this up and learn to use warmth to emotionally bond with whomever you want

Stay tuned for the Love Repellent #2, which I'll reveal in a subsequent blog♥

Am I releasing correctly?

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Mon, 23 Apr 2018 06:57:00 +0000

Q: Kathryn, I was in a relationship with someone that escalated in months from meeting him to wanting to live together! Our attraction was off of the charts and we couldn't get enough of each other, physically and

emotionally. After a few months, there was some miscommunication and fear on both of our parts over the intensity of the relationship and we split. I followed your protocol and released him, as painful as it was. He has come back to me constantly since then, saying all of the right things but not backing them up. Then he disappears again, and returns a few weeks later with the same song and dance. I have attempted to date other people, and have performed the release a 2nd time and still having the same push-pull affects with this man!

I know there is a part of the release where we are to be sure to release from our sexual organs and not just our heart. How can I be sure that I'm doing that correctly, and should I try to release him again? I know after several attempts the release can not work as well, as you've stated in your books.

I am at your mercy, Kathryn! I have to move on from

this man or be forced to stay in this plateau and not find my true happiness and love deserved of me. Thank you in advance for your reply!

A: I'm sure you're releasing correctly, but it sounds like there is part of you that doesn't want to let go. Release never works unless you really know you need to let go and are determined to do so.

In this case, you still sound like you are at his beck and call. The minute he shows back up, you come running! That is not released.

• Anyone who blows hot and cold is categorized in my work as an EEL. They slip out of your grasp just when you think it's going well. Over and over again.

• This is one of the most addictive love situations there are. In a mouse-cheese experiment, the most addictive situation there was involved sporadic reward. The mice would hurt themselves to try & get the reward.

• Sporadic reward in love -- where the love interest shows up, seems interested only to disappear again -- is similarly addicting.

• When I work with a coaching client on this issue, I remind them that they are not a puppet on a string. They have free will, and rather than be frustrated for months or even years, they can choose to walk away -- even when the eel slithers back over for another go-round.

• Let's face it. This guy is not showing the kind of interest you would want. He can walk away easily. This is not soulmate material, and I want better for you.

• Rather than worry about doing the release well, let's worry about making it stick. The tools that I give you in the release work will ensure it sticks.

• The most important tool of all to make a release remain effective is to focus beyond this current guy.

• Imagine a guy who shows up and doesn't go anywhere -- one who is even sexier. One with whom you know you're not wasting time, but will go the distance.

• Doesn't that sound infinitely better than remaining hopeful for a guy who is not proving worthy?

• You can expect more for yourself. Many people hang onto the crumbs they're given out of fear there won't be more ahead. That is fear-based instead of exhibiting any faith whatsoever.

• Have faith and let's keep looking beyond this guy. You will forget he ever existed if you can go steadily forward and not look back.

• I promise you someone better lies ahead in your future. The first step towards him is getting rid of this eel.

I'm sending you love & support for really moving on this time!

Beaten up with a bat

noreply@blogger.com (Kathryn Alice) — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 03:10:00 +0000

Q: Kathryn, my boyfriend and I recently broke up, and he almost immediately got together with someone else. His new girlfriend seems so perfect: 20 pounds lighter than me, younger and very beautiful. He seems so happy, and I just don’t get it

He was not that nice when we broke up. How can someone who acted so badly get this happiness, and yet I’m still alone. It just doesn’t seem fair, and I have to admit I obsess about this far too much

I know you’ll tell me to do more releasing but why did he bounce back so quickly and get so much when I’m a good person who took so much crap from him and I’m the one suffering here?

Can you help me understand this?

A: This is a great question, and I’m so happy you wrote me

What you’re talking about is something that so many do

They cause themselves untold pain for no good reason

Why? Consider this:

• It’s pretty normal to go through a period of reckoning regarding your ex after a break-up

• And far too often, I hear someone like you obsessing over how happy your ex gets to be while you suffer

• THE SAD TRUTH: You don’t really know how well your ex is doing or not doing because you can’t get inside his head

• THE SADISTIC TRUTH: If you GOT OUT A BAT and started beating yourself, it would probably be less painful than what you are doing to yourself in your head

• I know that sounds dramatic but it’s excruciating to go over and over this telling yourself how pitiful you are and how gloriously happy he is

• Your ex dragged his problems with him. So it’s likely he’s not as happy as you think. Anyone that disconnected to behave in that way is not in a good enough place to be super happy – at least not for long

So what can we do with this to get you where YOU’RE the happy one?

1. Every time you start obsessing over your ex again, catch yourself

2. Remind yourself that you don’t know how he is, and you will not get out that bat and start beating yourself with thoughts that are hurtful to you

3. Then, turn your thoughts to something more productive. Anything that will make you feel better – like dreaming of a soulmate that is so much better than he was to you

4. Here’s another truth: you have no idea how long your ex will last with this new woman, and you will pass him as you find your One, someone who is head & shoulders above what you have had so far

5. If we can keep your eyes on where you want to go rather than pulling out that bat, we can quickly magnetize the love of your life, and you’ll be far too happy in his arms to give another thought to your ex beyond thanking God it didn’t work out with him

If we can shift this, your soulmate will come to you and it will be a done deal