Burnt Food Dude

Lotta Bullets

Steve — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 05:30:52 +0000

Lotta Bullets was born Lotta Phun in Boston Massachusetts. Lotta was brought up to be prim and proper lady, whose family can be traced back to the Mayflower. Lotta as a young school teacher wanted more fun and adventure in her life. So, late one night, she packed her things and left for Texas.

Lotta was not prepared for the hardships and types of people she would meet such as, gunslingers, Indians, Mexican bandidtos, dance hall girls, and women from places like the “Chicken Ranch”. Lotta was lucky because she met Spyder Webb, a woman of questionable background, who always wore guns with spiders engraved on the grips. So Lotta offered to pay Spyder to teach her to how to shoot. Spyder agreed, because she knew Lotta’s innocence would some day get her killed. During this time Lotta and Spyder became good friends and they decided to travel West together.

Along the way they met Otto Bullets. Spyder didn’t like trust Otto. She had bad feeling about him and told Lotta that she should steer clear of him. It was to late! Lotta and Otto fell in love. So they got married. All three of them decided to travel to California (the land of opportunity) together.

Not long after settling in a small quiet town. Otto was out prospecting when he found out the Seemore Dolittle retired to a nearby town. Otto told Lotta of his past and his real name (see Otto Bullets). He suggested that Lotta get Spyder, with her dark beauty and mysterious past, to seduce Seemore and keep him away. It was then that Spyder found out that Otto ( Bass Masters) was the only bad guy that Seemore failed to apprehend.

The plan was going along fine, until one day Spyder and Seemore fell in love. Spyder wanted to help her friends ( by not telling about Otto) and also be honest with the man she loves. What will Spyder do?

Otto Bullets

Steve — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 05:00:54 +0000

If you were wondering who, Otto Bullets is and where did he come from? Well, this will fill you in on some of his background.

To begin with, Otto Bullets is not his real name. Otto is Bat Masters’ son. His real name is Bass Masters.

Bass Masters is wanted in several states for various wicked deeds. Some of these deeds are, but not limited to, stealing candy from babies, giving “wedgies” to Deputy Marshals, pushing over outhouses, dressing boy babies in pink, putting galoshes on horses instead of shoes, etc. For a short time he road with the Jack Schitt gang. He left the gang when Jack Schitt and Bill Happens joined together to form the Schitt Happens gang (which is another story).

When his nefarious deeds came to light the Pinkertons put their best man on the job of bringing this miscreant to justice! That man was Seemore Dolittle. However, he received the case 2 weeks before retirement. Altough Seemore Dolittle got close to arresting him, he was unable to do so. This was the only arrest that Dolittle was unable to make in his long career. It is rumored that Seemore Dolittle is still pursuing Bass Masters even though he is retired.

When Dolittle (before his retirement) got close to capturing Masters, it scared the bejesus out of him. Bass decided to change his name and turn over a new leaf. Looking for respectability he knew Morgan Tyler Bullets (M.T. Bullets) was a respected lawman in Tombstone. (Unknown to Bass, M. T. Bullets had a short term as a lawman there. It seems like he got the Mayor’s daughter pregnant and had to leave town quickly.) Bass Masters got a cookbook and changed his name to Otto Bullets.

Otto Bullets became a camp cook and traveled the West on several cattle drives. He was in Houston when he met Lotta Phun. She captured his heart and they soon got married. They honeymooned in California. While in California Otto was bitten by the gold bug. He became prospector and has been looking for gold ever since.

Tomorrow we shall hear about Lotta Bullets!

Was I wrong?

Steve — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 05:05:14 +0000

My wife sent me to store. She said, “Pick up a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 6.” When I got home she asked me why 6 gallons of milk. I said, “They had eggs!” Was I wrong?

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the den and she said, “I don’t want to live in a vegatative state, depending on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that happens, just pull the plug.” So I got up, unplugged her computer and threw out her wine. Was I wrong?

Mom said that I should wear clean underwear whenever I go out. Just in case if I’m in an accident. I told he that if I was in an accident I would probably poop in my pants anyway. Was I wrong?

There’s a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I’ve been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets. Was I wrong?

This morning my wife came to the breakfast table looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Dear, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me?” I looked her over her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly said, “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….” Was I wrong?

I was walking along a sidewalk in a very gentle manner, almost as if I were walking on eggs. Two doctors, also on foot, were across the street. They spotted me and began to discuss my condition. “Prostrate trouble,” said the first doctor. “Oh no, not at all. That’s a case of hemorrhoids if ever I saw one”, said the other. They tossed it back and forth until one of them suggested going over to talk to me. “Mister, this gentleman and I are both doctors,” said one, “and if you’ll pardon our intrusion, I figured you have a bad prostrate problem, but my colleague thought it to be hemorrhoids. Might you state the problem so that we can solve our little dilemma?”
“Well”, I said, “all three of us were wrong. I thought it was gas.” I WAS WRONG!

Wednesday’s Hero – 25 January 2012

Steve — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 02:09:52 +0000

Maj. Merlyn Hans Dethlefsen
53 years old from Royal, Iowa
354th Tactical Fighter Squadron, 355th Tactical Fighter Wing
June 29, 1934 – December 14, 1987

The President of the United States of America, in the name of Congress, takes pleasure in presenting the Medal of Honor to Major Merlyn Hans Dethlefsen, United States Air Force, for conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty while serving with the 354th Tactical Fighter Squadron, 355th Tactical Fighter Wing, near Thai Nguyen, North Vietnam, on 10 March 1967. Major Dethlefsen was one of a flight of F-105 aircraft engaged in a fire suppression mission designed to destroy a key anti-aircraft defensive complex containing surface-to-air missiles (SAM), an exceptionally heavy concentration of anti-aircraft artillery, and other automatic weapons. The defensive network was situated to dominate the approach and provide protection to an important North Vietnam industrial center that was scheduled to be attacked by fighter bombers immediately after the strike by Major Dethlefsen’s flight. In the initial attack on the defensive complex the lead aircraft was crippled, and Major Dethlefsen’s aircraft was extensively damaged by the intense enemy fire. Realizing that the success of the impending fighter bomber attack on the center now depended on his ability to effectively suppress the defensive fire, Major Dethlefsen ignored the enemy’s overwhelming firepower and the damage to his aircraft and pressed his attack. Despite a continuing hail of anti-aircraft fire, deadly surface-to-air missiles, and counterattacks by MIG interceptors, Major Dethlefsen flew repeated close range strikes to silence the enemy defensive positions with bombs and cannon fire. His action in rendering ineffective the defensive SAM and anti-aircraft artillery sites enabled the ensuing fighter bombers to strike successfully the important industrial target without loss or damage to their aircraft, thereby appreciably reducing the enemy’s ability to provide essential war material. Major Dethlefsen’s consummate skill and selfless dedication to this significant mission were in keeping with the highest traditions of the U.S. Air Force and reflect great credit upon himself and the Armed Forces of his country.

Maj. Dethlefson retired from the Air Force in 1977 with the rank of Lieutenant Colonel. He died in 1987 of natural causes and was buried in Arlington National Cemetery.

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives just so others may get to enjoy freedom. For that I am proud to call them Hero.
Those Who Say That We’re In A Time When There Are No Heroes, They Just Don’t Know Where To Look

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

Music Monday #174 – Something’s got a hold on me

Steve — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 03:16:14 +0000

Etta James (born Jamesetta Hawkins; January 25, 1938 – January 20, 2012) was an American singer whose style spanned a variety of music genres including blues, rhythm and blues, rock and roll, soul, gospel and jazz. Starting her career in the mid 1950s, she gained fame with hits such as “Dance With Me, Henry”, “At Last”, “Tell Mama”, and “I’d Rather Go Blind” for which she claimed she wrote the lyrics. She faced a number of personal problems, including drug addiction, before making a musical resurgence in the late 1980s with the album The Seven Year Itch.

She is regarded as having bridged the gap between rhythm and blues and rock and roll, and is the winner of six Grammys and 17 Blues Music Awards. She was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 1993, the Blues Hall of Fame in 2001, and the Grammy Hall of Fame in both 1999 and 2008. Rolling Stone ranked James number 22 on their list of the 100 Greatest Singers of All Time and number 62 on the list of the 100 Greatest Artists. (Wikipedia)

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The Old Prospector

Steve — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 16:53:14 +0000

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, “Hey old man, can you dance?”

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No son, I don’t dance… never really wanted to.”

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, “Well, you old fool, you’re gonna dance now!” and started shooting at the old man’s feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.

Everybody standing around was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man’s hands, as he quietly said;

“Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No sir…but…but I’ve always wanted to.”

There are a few lessons for all of us here:

*Don’t be arrogant.
*Don’t waste ammunition.
*Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
*Always make sure you know who is in control.
*And finally, don’t screw around with old folks; they didn’t get old by being stupid.

I just love a story with a happy ending, don’t you?

My neighbor

Steve — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 05:30:10 +0000

This is my neighbor.

She’s single … She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room.

I watched as she got home from work this evening.

I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door. I rushed to open it.

She looks at me, and says, “I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?”

I immediately replied, “Nope, I’m free… I have no plans at all!”

Then she said, “Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?”

MAN… IT’S NO FUN GETTING OLD!!!

Wednesday’s Hero – 18 January 2012

Steve — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 03:00:13 +0000

Capt. Eddie S. Ray
57 years old from Seattle, Washington
Company B, 1st Light Armored Infantry Battalion, Task Force Shepherd, 1st Marine Division

The President of the United States of America takes pleasure in presenting the Navy Cross to Captain Eddie S. Ray, United States Marine Corps, for extraordinary heroism while serving as Commanding Officer, Company B, First Light Armored Infantry Battalion, Task Force Shepherd, FIRST Marine Division, in the Emirate of Kuwait on 25 February 1991. During the early morning hours of G+1 of Operation Desert Storm, an Iraqi mechanized division counter-attacked elements of the FIRST Marine Division in the vicinity west of the flame and smoke engulfed Burgan Oil Fields in Southeastern Kuwait. As dense black smoke shrouded the battlefield, an Iraqi mechanized brigade engaged the FIRST Marine Division Forward Command Post security forces. During the ensuing intense ten hour battle, Captain Ray repeatedly maneuvered his Light Armored Vehicle Company in harm’s way, skillfully integrating his Light Armored Infantry weapons, reinforcing TOW’s, and AH-1W Attack Helicopters to decisively defeat main Iraqi counter-attacks. Leading from the front and constantly exposed to large volumes of enemy fire, Captain Ray led swift, violent attacks directly into the face of the vastly larger enemy force. These attacks shocked the enemy, destroyed 50 enemy Armored Personnel Carriers, and resulted in the capture of over 250 Iraqi soldiers. Operating perilously close to the attacking enemy, Captain Ray’s courage, composure under fire, and aggressive war fighting spirit were instrumental in the defeat of a major enemy effort and the successful defense of the Division Forward Command Post. By his outstanding display of decisive leadership, unlimited courage in the face of heavy enemy fire, and utmost devotion to duty, Captain Ray reflected great credit upon himself and upheld the highest traditions of the Marine Corps and the United States Naval Service.

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

Music Monday #173 – Minnie the Moocher

Steve — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 23:00:49 +0000

Cabell “Cab” Calloway III (December 25, 1907 – November 18, 1994) was an American jazz singer and bandleader. He was strongly associated with the Cotton Club in Harlem, New York City where he was a regular performer.

Calloway was a master of energetic scat singing and led one of the United States’ most popular African American big bands from the start of the 1930s through the late 1940s. Calloway’s band featured performers including trumpeters Dizzy Gillespie and Adolphus “Doc” Cheatham, saxophonists Ben Webster and Leon “Chu” Berry, New Orleans guitar ace Danny Barker, and bassist Milt Hinton. Calloway continued to perform until his death in 1994 at the age of 86. (Wikipedia)

PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

A little bit of Bible humor

Steve — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 00:00:12 +0000

I’ve been sick the last few days so I’m sorry about not posting and visiting blogs. I should be back to my old routine by Monday.

GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?”

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw up.”

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?”

“No,” replied Johnny. “How could he do a lot of fishing with just two worms.”

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible – Psalm 23 . She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

Little Rick was excited about the task – but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”

UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. “Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.” “How come He doesn’t answer it?” she asked.

BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That’s very commendable. What does she say?”
The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “and all girls.” This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?”

Her response, “Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying ‘All Men’!”

SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. “Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.” said his mother.

“I don’t need to,” the boy replied..

“Of course, you do “his mother insisted. “We always say a prayer before eating at our house.”

“That’s at our house.” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook.

THE BIBLE
Did you know that…
When you carry the Bible, Satan has a headache.
When you open it, he collapses.
When he sees you reading it, he faints.
Let’s read the Bible every day
So he keeps on fainting.
Maybe one day he’ll have a stroke and never wake up.