The Beauty of Imperfect Parenting

Brad Meltzer, renowned for his Ordinary People Change the World book series, shares intimate stories about his journey as a father to one daughter and two sons. Despite being a master storyteller, Brad admits that the best moments with his daughter were never the ones he planned—the magic always seemed to happen in the chaos of everyday life. A messy ice cream cone, an unplanned hug, the nerves and joy of dancing at her bat mitzvah, or even being called out for embarrassing “dad moves”—these are the moments that truly matter.

Brad emphasizes that as our children grow, especially daughters, our roles as fathers shift from advisor to cheerleader. He candidly discusses the temptation to mold our kids in our own image, only to realize that true guidance lies in creating space for them to find their own way. His evolving approach as a parent is a powerful reminder that our daughters’ best chance to thrive comes when they feel seen, accepted, and empowered to be themselves.

Lessons From Real-Life Heroes

As an author, Brad has dedicated his career to telling the stories of real-life heroes—people who changed the world not because they were famous, but because they helped others. He especially values sharing these stories with his children, intentionally choosing heroes like Amelia Earhart and the Wright brothers, whose journeys were filled with failures, resilience, and the courage to dream big.

Brad’s books illustrate for fathers and daughters alike that it’s okay to crash and rebuild, just like the Wright brothers did. The real lesson isn’t about never failing—it’s about learning, persevering, and supporting one another through every struggle. By reading stories of compassion, kindness, and heroism together, dads can open up essential conversations about what it truly means to make a difference.

Be Present, Be Yourself

Ultimately, Brad’s greatest wish is that his children remember not the details of every story, but the feeling of safety and love that came from simply being together. You don’t need to be perfect—you just need to show up, listen, and celebrate your daughter for exactly who she is.

If you’re a dad looking for inspiration and practical wisdom to strengthen your bond with your daughter, listen to this heartfelt episode of Dad and Daughter Connection. You’ll finish feeling reminded: the ordinary moments can truly become extraordinary.

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to come together and talk about Things that are important in regards to those relationships that we want to build with your daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:04]:
I so much appreciate that you come back every week because every week you can do something just a little bit more to be able to build strong bonds with your daughter, to help the relationship, help that, help her to be able to grow into the woman that she’s becoming, and help you to become an even better father.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:24]:
And my hope every week is that you can take something, something small, something big to be able to help you to be that father that you want to be. And today we’ve got another great guest. Today we’re joined by Brad Meltzer. Brad is a bestselling author, historian, and storyteller whose work has helped millions of kids discover the people and stories that shaped our world and have shaped our world. Brad is the author of Ordinary People Change the World series of books, including the newest book, We Are the Wright Brothers. His books explore courage, curiosity, perseverance, and what it means to be a hero. Today, we’re talking about the power of reading and our daughters, why failure can be an important part of growing up, and how fathers can use stories to help their children discover what kind of person we want to become. Brad, thanks so much for being here today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:19]:
Oh, thank you for

Brad Meltzer [00:02:20]:
having me. I appreciate it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:21]:
I’m really excited to have you here. We always start our interviews with an opportunity to be able to get to know you a little bit more as a dad yourself. And I know you’re a father of 3. You’ve got 1 daughter, you’ve got 2 sons, and all of us as dads want to build those meaningful moments. We want to have those moments that they’ll remember, that we’ll remember, that will help us to be able to bond in a different way. Talk to me about the most meaningful moment that you have been able to share with your daughter and what made it so special.

Brad Meltzer [00:02:50]:
You know, I think as a dad and someone who writes stories, I know the perfect story. I want the perfect moment with my daughter. I can envision it. I can plan it. I can plot it. My daughter, who’s now 21 years old, I will tell you that the best moments with her are the ones that I couldn’t possibly plan. Everything I planned for always had a twist. There was always some disaster happening.

Brad Meltzer [00:03:17]:
I would like plan this thing and then she’d be like, why are you doing that? And I’m like, oh, I’ve ruined it. But the best moments with her are the ones that, and I think, I don’t know, this is maybe just a sign of getting older, but I truly believe, my friend, that the small moments are the big moments. I used to think that the big moments were the big moments and I fully believe it’s the small moments. If you say to me, what’s my favorite memories with my daughter? I’m gonna just off the top of my head, One, I remember I have this picture of her eating her first soft ice cream cone and the smile on her face as this thing melts in Florida all around her hand, the sprinkles coming everywhere, but she’s so happy. It’s a picture that I have of her hugging me so tight it looks like she’s going to tear through my neck. It’s just, it’s pure love. It’s this picture that I have of her, and not a picture, but in my head, when we danced together at her bat mitzvah. It was just— she was worried about it, didn’t want to do it in front of everyone, but we had this little dance.

Brad Meltzer [00:04:10]:
And it’s always the little moments that really struck me. And even as she got older, my daughter spent many years just thinking I was, as I think all daughters should, I’m the most embarrassing thing in her life. No kid should ever be enamored of their parents. And so she keeps me very honest on that front. But I remember when I did the commencement address at the University of Michigan, right before I gave it the night before, she said, oh, tomorrow’s Star Wars Day. It’s May the 4th. I know what your speech is about. to be about Star Wars.

Brad Meltzer [00:04:38]:
That’s so stupid. What a dumb speech. And I’m like, you haven’t even heard the speech and you’re crapping all over it. And she’s literally badmouthing something that I haven’t even given. And that hasn’t— of course she’s completely wrong. I had nothing. There was nothing about Star Wars. And when my commencement address was done, she came up to me and she said, can I read the speech? She wanted to see it again.

Brad Meltzer [00:04:57]:
She wanted to see like what it looked like on paper. ‘Cause it was the only time in our 21 years I think I ever saw her impressed with anything I ever did. Only one time. But I’m holding that sucker like the greatest memory of all time. And I remember she was like, this is not a joke. This is a serious piece of writing. And oh, I’ve got one more. This may be even the better one.

Brad Meltzer [00:05:16]:
This past year, she read my first novel. And I’ve been reviewed by the New York Times and Vanity Fair and everyone in between. I’ve never been more scared in my life than watching her read my very first book that I wrote when I was basically almost her age. And the fact that she liked it was— Again, I didn’t even care if she liked it or didn’t. She really did. But just watching her read that, it was like, that’s what connection is, right? Is a curiosity that’s not just like the simple stuff, but just the little tiny things.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:46]:
I love that. You know, I think that what I found in being the father that I have become is all of us are going on this journey for ourselves, right? And we’re having these small moments. We’re doing what we can to be able to create those inroads and connection. And it kind of is an ebb and flow because there’s going to be good times, there’s going to be bad times, there’s going to be everything in between. And all of us are trying to help our daughters to become the people that they’re becoming. Talk to me about, with your daughter, what have you done and how have you balanced the role of guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into the person that she has become?

Brad Meltzer [00:06:28]:
You know, someone said to me recently that there’s a point in parenthood where you have to stop being the advisor and you have to become the cheerleader. And I love that. And I can tell you that in many ways, you know, I think, and this is probably the thing I’m most embarrassed about that I’ve done as a dad, or maybe the worst thing I’ve done, is I think I spent a long time trying to teach my daughter how to walk through the world in the best way that I thought possible, but didn’t realize what I was really trying to teach her was just to be like me. ‘Cause that’s what I thought worked for me. It worked for me. I got here and had you and was lucky enough and blessed to have this kid. And I wasn’t trying to, I certainly never want her to be like me, but that’s what I was teaching her were my ways. And it took me a long time when my daughter was very younger to finally figure out, no, no, she has to do it her way.

Brad Meltzer [00:07:14]:
And my way is great for me, but my way is not the only way, that there are plenty of fantastic ways to do it. And I learned the lesson actually from my son. I always would tell my son when, He was really little. He was like second grade. They would go to the pizza party and they’d open up the pizza box and all the kids, the little boys and girls would go running for the pizza to grab their slice of pizza. And my son would always sit in the back and be like, just kind of waiting and watching. I’d be like, get in there. You got to get your pizza.

Brad Meltzer [00:07:40]:
Because my whole life I was taught, if you don’t get the pizza, someone’s going to take the pizza. You’re not going to get any pizza. And when all the kids were done and they would all scatter, my son would then walk in at his own pace and everyone would see that he was the only one who didn’t rush in like a maniac. And they would give him 2 slices of pizza. And I was like, wait a minute, you’re disrupting the whole way that I think the universe works. Like, it’s not supposed— you can’t get 2 slices. Like, what happened to the way that I thought the universe worked? And I realized my way did work, but his way worked also, and it was his way. And I think that realization cracked open fatherhood for me and for my daughter.

Brad Meltzer [00:08:13]:
I think it really took me a long time to figure out, especially for her, because I think I spent— when I started writing for her, I wrote a book for my son called Heroes to My Son. I wrote one for my daughter called Heroes to My Daughter. And my editor said that the difference between the one I wrote for my son and the one I wrote for my daughter is that the one I wrote for my son was full of inspiration. And the one I wrote for my daughter, I kept using this one word over and over again. And the word was fight. Like, you gotta fight for this. You gotta fight for that. You gotta fight.

Brad Meltzer [00:08:38]:
Even Gandhi, who was in the book, I was like, has to fight. Even the Dalai Lama had to fight. The pacifists had to fight. Everyone was fighting. And I realized that my son I was trying to inspire, but my daughter I was trying to protect. And I was very happy that an editor was smart enough to see that. And it really affected also how I changed the things I do with my daughter to realize, like, I was seeing her differently and I got to give her a different approach.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:01]:
So as your daughter’s getting older and you’re making that shift, as you said, from advisor to cheerleader, how are you supporting her as she is working towards pursuing Her passions and her dreams.

Brad Meltzer [00:09:15]:
I think it was fine. I mean, I’m someone, you know, when I write novels for a living, okay? And I used to think I was a novelist because I’m so creative and I can tell stories and that’s what my job is. But I will tell you that, think of a novel, right? On every page that I write, everyone does exactly what I want them to do. They say exactly what I want them to say. The ending’s exactly how I want it to be and everything works out how I want it to work out. So writing a book is not an exercise in creativity, it’s an exercise in control. And I think for me, what I had to do is turn off that control with my daughter and let her do her thing, even when it wasn’t gonna go well, even when I thought it was gonna be a mess. I wouldn’t ever send her into anything where she would really, you know, get hurt or anything like that.

Brad Meltzer [00:09:58]:
But, but sometimes she had to just do it her way. And was I good at that all the time? Of course not. I can’t help myself. It’s hard to turn off your nature. But I think for me, I think the core of it was just accepting her for who she was and letting her have the space to be who she was. And that’s the best way I can say it is you gotta let your kid— and it was maybe some of the best advice I ever got as a parent was from my friend Rochelle Schwartz, may she rest in peace. She had just had her kids and my son was just born. She said, the only thing you have to do as a parent is your kids have to have a sense of self.

Brad Meltzer [00:10:33]:
If you give them a sense of self, everything else will take care of itself. And I actually believe that to my core to this day. And I think it’s really just to get out of the way and let her be her own self.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:44]:
Now, as you said, you’re a storyteller and you spent many years telling children the stories of people who changed the world. As a father, what do you believe happens when a dad sits down and reads those stories with his daughter?

Brad Meltzer [00:10:59]:
So I’ll tell you both sides. So when I wrote it, I wrote my first kids’ books with my daughter in mind and obviously my son in mind. But it was my daughter who I picked the first hero for. I wanted my daughter to have Amelia Earhart. I was like, forget all these Disney princesses. Forget people who are famous on Instagram. Here’s a real hero, Amelia Earhart. She flew across the Atlantic Ocean.

Brad Meltzer [00:11:16]:
And my daughter was like, big deal, Dad. Everyone flies across the Atlantic Ocean. She was not impressed at all. She did not care. And then I went to her and I said, when Amelia Earhart— and this is true— she was 7 years old, built a homemade roller coaster in her backyard. And she took a wooden crate and she put roller skating wheels on the bottom of it and she shoved it to the roof of her tool shed. She put pieces of wood and she flew down the side, flew through the air, and stomach bottomed out from under her and she crashed and got up and was like, that was amazing, whatever she yelled. And my daughter was like, I like that story.

Brad Meltzer [00:11:44]:
And I remember realizing in that moment again that it didn’t matter what I wanted to teach her. What mattered was what she liked and what she was responding to. And it changed all the books. So now to answer your question, that was my intention. When I got to sit down and read it with her, it was because of her that I had the story. And I will tell you, it’s one of the great moments of my life is to be able to take something that I created because of her and around her, and then show her the art that our amazing artist Chris Eliopoulos puts into it, and then to show her the final work. And it’s one of the most rewarding things I get to do is usually you get to pick up a book and read it to your kid. I get to write it and then read it.

Brad Meltzer [00:12:22]:
And my job is a crazy job, but that’s when it gets craziest.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:25]:
Now, I mentioned that your new book is about the Wright brothers, and the Wright brothers failed over and over before they succeeded. What can fathers learn from their story about how we respond when our daughters fail or struggle with something?

Brad Meltzer [00:12:39]:
The only reason I write kids’ books is because of this story about the Wright brothers. And my friend Simon Sinek told it to me over a decade ago, is that every time the Wright brothers went out to fly their plane, They would bring enough extra materials for multiple crashes, which means every time they went out, they knew they would fail and they would crash and rebuild and crash and rebuild. And that’s why they took off. And I love that story. I wanted my daughter to hear that story. I wanted my sons to hear that story. I wanted everyone to know if you dream big and you work hard and you have a good side order of stubbornness, you can do anything in this world. And that’s what The Wright Brothers as a book is about.

Brad Meltzer [00:13:15]:
It’s not a book that I’m trying to tell you history. What I’m trying to show you and your kids is how they can make history. And man, I don’t know a better lesson for life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:25]:
Yeah. Not many people would think that bike makers would turn into people that would create what and be able to make that happen. And I think that book, along with other books that I’ve read in this series, really are built around the idea that ordinary people can do extraordinary things.

Brad Meltzer [00:13:45]:
And that’s, it’s a key part for what we’re talking about. It doesn’t just start when they’re bicycle makers, it starts when they’re little kids. So their dad comes home and shows them this toy that he brings into the house, and it’s one of those propellers that you wind up with a rubber band and it flies across. And the Wright brothers are just obsessed with this thing. They start timing to see how long it’ll stay in the air. And, but it’s their mother who’s the tinkerer. She’s the one who likes taking things apart. And they come home one day and one of the brothers has taken apart the sewing machine.

Brad Meltzer [00:14:11]:
If I took apart our sewing machine, my mother, may she rest in peace, would murder me. But the parents of the Wright brothers look down at their boys and they’re like, awesome. Awesome. And that’s the lesson of fatherhood right there. Stop trying to push your kid to live the way you want them to live, but see what they’re passionate about and just nurture it, water it, like feed that thing. The Wright brothers are the Wright brothers not because they had a bicycle shop, but it’s because when they were younger, their parents are like, take it all apart, put it all together, figure it out, and remain curious. It’s great to be a dreamer. And That’s how the world changes, by those dreamers who become doers.

Brad Meltzer [00:14:48]:
And again, I think it’s just so important that we give our daughters that lesson. And to me, that’s always been my goal, is just trying to show her possibility. Whatever one she picks, I don’t care, but it’s all possible.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:01]:
You know, we’re raising kids in a world where social media influencers can become their heroes. How should fathers talk with their daughters about the difference between being famous and actually being someone worth looking up to.

Brad Meltzer [00:15:14]:
That’s the reason why I wrote the books. It’s number one. I said I was tired of my own kids looking at reality TV show stars and people who are famous for being famous, millionaire overpaid athletes, and thinking that’s a hero. And to me, like you said, I mean, that’s fame. Being famous is very different than being a hero. And I think for me, your kids are going to pick heroes whether they like it or not. You might as well have some say in it. And that’s what this book series is designed to do.

Brad Meltzer [00:15:37]:
So we started with I Am Amelia Earhart and I Am Abraham Lincoln, but we’ve done Rosa Parks and Dolly Parton. We’ve done Jane Goodall and Billie Jean King. We’ve done Mr. Rogers and I am Jim Henson. And, you know, I am Walt Disney and we are the Beatles. To teach empathy, I did I am Princess Diana. To teach about mental health, I did I am Simone Biles. And the reason I did the Wright Brothers, I started in the beginning, I chose heroes that I wanted my daughter to have, my son to have.

Brad Meltzer [00:16:02]:
But eventually I started looking and saying, what do they need? And when I saw they needed empathy, I was like, oh, empathy’s like missing in society right now. Let’s do Princess Diana. When I thought how divided we were as a culture, I was like, hmm, how do I teach them to come together? Oh, I’m going to do We Are the Beatles. And I just started picking things. And so even the Wright Brothers came as the 40th book. We had people vote on it. But it has always been my book that it’s hard to change the minds of adults. But for over a decade now, I’ve been teaching and arming the next generation of kids with lessons of compassion and kindness and being a good person.

Brad Meltzer [00:16:33]:
And I’ll take that fight any day.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:34]:
Now you’ve had the opportunity to meet presidents, celebrities, athletes, activists, and other remarkable people in your journey as an author and as a public persona. After spending so much time around people considered heroes, has your definition of what makes someone a hero changed?

Brad Meltzer [00:16:56]:
I hope it has. I mean, I hope I’m always evolving and learning. I don’t think I ever know the answer, but the one thing I’ve learned in 40 books on this is that Every person that I’ve written about, they have one thing in common. They help someone. That’s the core hero. That’s the need. And some people do it like consciously, right? Like Mother Teresa goes and gets into the gutter. Princess Diana is hugging people in leper colonies.

Brad Meltzer [00:17:19]:
Dolly Parton is funding things in Tennessee and giving millions of books away. But some people don’t even know they’re helping someone. They’re just doing what they love. Amelia Earhart’s just flying her plane. Jim Henson is just like, I love puppets and creating. He has no idea that a decade later, a generation of kids are gonna be like, I’m so inspired by that thing you did. love so much, but they do help someone. And that’s the key ingredient.

Brad Meltzer [00:17:41]:
And that’s why I say to my kids, I’m like, I don’t care what you do. You don’t have to start Disney World or a Muppet empire or make Dollywood to be a hero. All you got to do is help one person, be kind to one person. That’s the answer. It’s in every story I told you here today is just finding that person and seeing what they do to make this world a better place at any macro or micro level.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:01]:
Years from now, when your children look back on their childhood, they probably won’t remember every book that you read together, but They may remember sitting next to you while you read. What do you hope your children remember about those moments with you?

Brad Meltzer [00:18:15]:
It is funny because I do think that as a father, I spend so much time planning, as I said, that perfect moment. Someone once told me that when you read to your kids, they’ll never remember the book, but they’ll remember your arms around them. That’s what you remember every day is just being read to. I don’t even know if my kids remember that. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. And I think what I’ve had to, especially as my kids have gotten older, is it’s okay that they don’t. All they gotta know is that you love them. They don’t have to have all the memories you demand they have.

Brad Meltzer [00:18:42]:
And in fact, I remember my kids will quote stuff to me from years ago that I said that I’m— that’s what you remember? I’ve given you so many great quotes, so many ones I’ve written just for this moment. You— they don’t remember any of it, but they remember some like offhanded, like nonsense thing that I’m like, really? That’s like my worst moment. That’s what you bring back to me? But it’s okay. That’s what fatherhood’s all about. It’s spectacular and it’s a disaster and it’s amazing and it’s humbling and it’s perfect, and it’s horrible, and it’s amazing ups and the craziest lows, and it’s humiliating and spectacular, all sometimes within a couple of minutes of each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:16]:
Very true. Now, you’ve been working on these stories for kids for quite some time. You’ve brought a number of heroes out in front of the kids of all ages. As you look at the future, who are some heroes that you haven’t gotten to spotlight that you hope to spotlight in the future?

Brad Meltzer [00:19:32]:
I mean, we have a huge list. Chris Eliopoulos and I have this huge list because when I went to the publisher, they were like, oh, you want to do 2 heroes? Amelia— I’m Amelia Earhart and I am Abraham Lincoln. How cute. 2 books. And I remember that day I said to them, no, I want to do 100 books. I want to build a library that will exist and you’ll have everyone in it. And to their credit, they didn’t laugh. They didn’t laugh me out of that office.

Brad Meltzer [00:19:53]:
So I’m at number 40, but that list includes everyone from Nelson Mandela. I mean, I’m just literally off the top of my head. I mean, there’s So many people I want to do. I’d love to do everyone from George Lucas and Steven Spielberg to doing Joan Ganz Cooney, who was the other founder of Sesame Street with Jim Henson. Alex from Alex’s Lemonade Stand, people you’ve never heard of, and famous people I’d love to do. And so the beautiful part is there are so many amazing people that you can tell the stories of, and there’s more that keep coming every day. And my goal really is I do want to tell the story of someone you’ve never heard of, because I feel like if we can get the book series to that, and I can tell you someone you’ve never heard of, then we can do anybody. And then it never ends.

Brad Meltzer [00:20:32]:
And so I’m, we’re trying to get there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:34]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I’d like to call our Dad Connection 6. 6 more questions to get into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Brad Meltzer [00:20:41]:
I’m ready.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:42]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Brad Meltzer [00:20:45]:
Proud.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:46]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you ever received?

Brad Meltzer [00:20:51]:
I said it to you, the child has to find their sense of self. And if they do, they’ll find everything else.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:56]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Brad Meltzer [00:20:59]:
Walking and talking. We both like to walk and talk together, and we both like to eat.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:03]:
Now, if you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Brad Meltzer [00:21:07]:
Love yourself for who you are.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:09]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Brad Meltzer [00:21:14]:
I am so not perfect. It has been the most humbling task I’ve ever taken on in my life, and without a question, the most rewarding. And even as I say it, your first question was like, what do you think about the relationship? And I said proud. It’s not the relationship. I’m proud of my daughter. I’m proud of this. You know, I’ve seen her grow and I fully believe that I’ve learned more from my kids than my kids have learned from me. And when my kids were born, I was like, get ready vessels, because I’m about to fill you with information every single day that’s going to be amazing and perfect.

Brad Meltzer [00:21:43]:
But they have taught me so much more than I’ve taught them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:46]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Brad Meltzer [00:21:54]:
I think you have to love them for exactly who they are. And I think you have to let go. of your own view of the universe and embrace that theirs is entirely different and equally, if not more beautiful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:06]:
Now, if people want to find out more about the book series, about the new book and others to come, where should they go?

Brad Meltzer [00:22:13]:
You can go to bradmeltzer.com. It’s Meltzer, is like seltzer that you drink, but with an M like Mary. So you can find me, Brad Meltzer, on any social media platform. You can go to whether it’s Facebook or Instagram or anywhere else. And even if you just put Ordinary People Change the World into the internet, you’ll find us there too. You’re going to be hard pressed not to find this if you’re looking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:31]:
Well, Brad, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for being here today, for sharing not only your own journey with your kids and your daughter, but also this amazing series that you’ve created over the years to help kids to be able to see heroes in different ways and people in different ways. And I truly wish you all the best.

Brad Meltzer [00:22:52]:
Thank you so much. And

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:53]:
that’s a wrap for this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:23:24]:
We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. So bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, Carpenters and muscle men, get out and be in the world too now. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

The post Brad Meltzer: How Stories and Stumbles Shape Strong Father-Daughter Bonds appeared first on Dad of Divas.

Photo by Greg Rosenke on Unsplash

K-12 learning challenges often become visible through small changes: unfinished assignments, falling quiz scores, or a child who suddenly dreads reading aloud. These signs don’t always point to a lack of effort. A student may have missed one key concept, developed an ineffective study habit, or lost confidence after repeated frustration.

Parents can help by looking for patterns, working with teachers, and choosing support that targets the actual skill gap. Progress may take time, but a clear plan makes schoolwork feel manageable again.

Common K-12 Learning Gaps

Learning gaps occur when a student hasn’t fully mastered a skill needed for the next lesson. A third grader who struggles with letter sounds may have trouble understanding a chapter book. A middle school student who never became comfortable with fractions can feel lost when an algebra problem includes ratios. The difficulty grows because most curricula build new material on earlier concepts.

Interrupted instruction, frequent school changes, and differences in classroom pacing can all contribute. Broader American education issues also affect how much individual attention schools can provide. Still, a low grade alone doesn’t explain what a child needs. Look at classwork, teacher comments, and the types of errors that appear repeatedly.

Start a simple record for two weeks. Note the subject, assignment type, time spent, and the point where frustration began. If your child reads accurately but can’t explain a passage, comprehension may be the concern. If reading is slow and filled with guesses, decoding or fluency may need attention.

Share those observations with the teacher and ask which grade-level skills are secure. When reading trouble continues despite classroom help, families may consider a reading tutor who works with kids for personalized K-12 support. Focused instruction can address the precise skill holding a student back.

Understanding Core Subjects

Core subjects overlap more than they may appear to. Reading affects social studies, science, and even math because students must follow directions and interpret word problems. Writing requires vocabulary, planning, and knowledge of sentence structure. Math depends on number sense, calculation, and the ability to recognize relationships between quantities.

When a student struggles, identify the smallest unfinished skill. Suppose a fifth grader can explain multiplication but makes frequent calculation errors. More work on multiplication facts may help. If the same student calculates correctly but can’t decide which operation a word problem requires, the lesson should focus on language and problem structure.

Science and technology courses add another layer because students must apply knowledge in unfamiliar situations. Work involving computational thinking in K-12, for example, may ask children to break a large problem into steps, notice patterns, and test possible solutions. Those thinking habits can develop through everyday activities such as sorting objects, planning a route, or writing instructions for a simple task.

Ask teachers for concrete descriptions of current expectations. “Needs help with math” is too broad to guide practice. “Needs to compare fractions with different denominators” gives everyone a workable target. Once the target is clear, practice can stay brief and specific instead of becoming another long, discouraging worksheet.

When Homework Becomes a Struggle

Homework trouble may reflect a skill gap, but it can also come from fatigue, unclear directions, or an assignment that feels too large. Watch what happens during the first few minutes. A child who stares at the page may not know how to begin. One who starts confidently but makes careless mistakes may need a shorter work period or fewer distractions.

Create a predictable routine with a snack, a short break, and a consistent starting time. Place needed supplies nearby so your child doesn’t have to interrupt work repeatedly. For a long assignment, cover the lower part of the page and show only three or four problems at once. Older students can divide a project into research, outline, draft, and revision stages with a date for each one.

Parents should support the process without doing the intellectual work. Try prompts such as, “What is the direction asking you to produce?” or “Show me the first point where this stopped making sense.” If neither of you understands the assignment after reviewing class notes, write down the question for the teacher.

Emotional withdrawal deserves attention too. A child who says, “I’m bad at school,” may be protecting themselves from another disappointing result. These strategies for shut-down learners can help parents respond to discouragement while rebuilding academic confidence. Pause the work if frustration becomes intense, then return with one smaller and clearly defined task.

Targeted Support for Improvement

Effective academic support begins with a measurable goal. “Improve reading” leaves too much room for guesswork. A stronger goal might be, “Read a fourth-grade passage at an accurate, steady pace and answer four out of five comprehension questions.” Teachers, tutors, and parents can then use the same target when checking progress.

Select practice that matches the identified need. A child working on reading fluency may read the same short passage several times across a week. A student learning multiplication facts can practice a difficult fact family for five minutes, then apply it in two word problems. The point is to give enough repetition for improvement without turning every evening into a lengthy drill.

Many learning loss strategies emphasize assessment, focused instruction, and chances to relearn missing material. Keep evidence of progress in a folder or simple chart. Save dated writing samples, record quiz results, or note how many words a child reads correctly in one minute. Review the information every three or four weeks instead of judging success from one difficult evening.

Ask for a change if the support produces no visible movement after several weeks. The goal may be too broad, the practice may not fit the skill, or the child may need a school-based evaluation. Specific information helps educators decide what should happen next and prevents months of repeating an ineffective method.

Building Foundational Skills

Foundational skills grow through short, regular use. Ten focused minutes of reading practice on four evenings will usually be easier for a child to manage than one 40-minute session. Consistency also gives parents a clearer view of what is improving.

Build literacy into normal family routines. Ask a younger child to read a recipe step, identify the main idea in a short article, or explain why a character made a choice. Older students can summarize a textbook section in two sentences, define an unfamiliar word from context, or compare information from two sources. These activities show that reading is a tool for understanding the world, not only a school assignment.

For math, use practical examples involving time, measurement, and money. A child can estimate a grocery total, double a recipe, or calculate how long an activity will take. Simple games can strengthen attention, pattern recognition, and flexible problem-solving. Schools working through K-12 instructional challenges may use a mix of teacher guidance and digital tools, but children still benefit from discussing their reasoning aloud.

Protect confidence as carefully as accuracy. Praise a specific action such as checking an answer, rereading a confusing sentence, or asking for clarification. Specific feedback teaches children which habits lead to progress.

Keep one recent sample of work beside an older one. When a child can see cleaner calculations, stronger sentences, or a passage read with fewer pauses, improvement becomes real. That visible evidence can provide the motivation needed to tackle the next skill.

The post How Parents Can Support K-12 Learning Challenges appeared first on Dad of Divas.

The episode dives into the complexities of raising uniquely different kids. Wylde Scott is refreshingly honest about the challenges of finding the right balance between guidance and independence, especially when you have one child who’s fearless and adventurous and another who is more reserved. He shares how important it is to adapt your parenting—sometimes pulling back, sometimes encouraging more risk—based on your daughter’s individual needs and temperament.

But perhaps the heart of this episode is the conversation about creativity. As a children’s author, Wylde Scott is passionate about imagination as the foundation for success in a modern world rapidly being changed by technology and artificial intelligence. He argues that as parents, we often shut down creativity without realizing it, replacing free play and exploration with constant rules, structure, and fear of failure. Instead, he urges dads to be present—not just physically, but emotionally—and to actively nurture their daughter’s curiosity and creative spirit every single day.

The episode also features real talk on mistakes, sacrifice, and the evolving nature of family life. Wylde Scott reminds listeners that no dad is perfect, but being fully engaged and willing to learn from your own shortcomings can only strengthen your relationship. Most of all, he encourages fathers to embrace the unpredictable, to make time for individual moments with each child, and to model the courage to pursue dreams at any age.

If you’re a dad striving to prepare your daughter for a world full of possibilities and challenges, this episode is for you. Tune in to learn, laugh, and walk away with new ideas for nurturing both connection and creativity.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to The Dad and Daughter Connection. where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together to build those relationships that we want to build with our daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:02]:
And it happens one day at a time. It’s not always gonna be easy. There are gonna be times where you have to, you know, really just keep grinding and keep working to be able to build that relationship. Sometimes it’s gonna be a high, sometimes it might be a low, but there are things that you can do every day to be able to keep creating and building that strong relationship that you want, with your daughters. And that’s why this podcast exists. Every episode, I love being able to talk with you, to help you, to bring you individuals that can provide you with some tools for your own toolbox that hopefully at the end of this episode, you’ll have some things that you can take out when you need them. And it might be today, it might be tomorrow, it might be a year from now. But it’s important to be able to learn, to grow, and to be able to invest not only in your daughters, but in yourself.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:54]:
That’s why, as I said, I love having different people on this show that can provide you with some of the experiences that they’ve had. And today we’ve got another great guest. Today we’re joined by Wild Scott, who is the author of Raising Dreamers, and he’s a passionate advocate for imagination, creativity, and human potential in the age of artificial intelligence. He’s a father of 2 daughters, and he definitely brings a personal perspective to the question of how we can raise confident, curious, independent young women who know how to think for themselves and imagine what’s possible. And today we’re going to be talking to him about his own experience as a father of 2 daughters, but also about his new book, Raising Dreamers. And we’ll delve into both of those today. So I’m really excited to have Wild with us today. Wild, thanks so much for being here today.

Wylde Scott [00:02:42]:
Thanks for having me on, Chris. Super excited to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:44]:
So as I said, I know that you have 2 daughters and I am really excited to be able to to learn a little bit more from you on your own experiences. And all of us as dads, we are wanting to have those moments, those moments that are so important to be able to build those connections with our daughters. As you think about both of your daughters, what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve shared with your daughters and what made it so special?

Wylde Scott [00:03:08]:
So there’s like, probably if you look back, there’s probably 100 for each, right? If you’re present, if you’re always there, if you’re always with them, experiencing life. I think the most recent that I would share with you was that I recently renewed my vows with my wife for the 5th time in front of the Eiffel Tower with both of my daughters as the bridesmaids. And it was a very special moment, but it’s very hard for me to express how personally special that moment was for the whole family to be there doing that together. An incredible bond, an incredible just experience as a family.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:42]:
Those are great opportunities to be able to show, show your daughters so many things about not only the love that you have for your wife, but also the commitment that you have for another person. And that definitely will leave a lasting mark on who they become for themselves as well. You know, all of us, I think, as dads, I know for me, as I’ve done things in my life and I’ve worked to try to be that dad that I want to be, we are having to really think hard about how we’re balancing, balancing not only life, but balancing really how we’re guiding our daughters while also giving them independence. How have you done that? How have you balanced guiding your daughters while being able to give them the independence that they needed to grow into the people that they have become?

Wylde Scott [00:04:30]:
I think you have to have a philosophy, and then you— and you also evolve as you go through the process. While your brain says one thing, your heart says another. That’s a very difficult challenge. I think in the early years, I have to credit my wife a lot with understanding our children. And I have one who’s, you know, hot on wheels all day long, not afraid of the world from the time she was 5 years old. So our existence was a lot of trying to figure out how to pull the reins back in without killing the spirit. The other one was kind of the opposite, very timid. And my wife did an amazing job of finding ways to push and push and push a little bit for the— for her to not be afraid of the world and for her to do well.

Wylde Scott [00:05:07]:
And then it kind of takes off, you know, that’s, that’s the early years. And we had an experience in our house that my 14-year-old, who who’s now 25. She got herself— we started driving our kids to be very independent at an early age. And she got herself into a very prominent ballet program at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts. And it meant that she was going away to boarding school at 14 years old. And that was the first time you have this— we had a personal crisis, right? My wife and I had that personal crisis. We never thought about boarding school. It’s, it’s not even in our normal system, right? We never thought we would do anything like that.

Wylde Scott [00:05:42]:
We’re both very connected to our kids. And we’re very protective and all those things. And we’re like, Oh my gosh, right? We’re really going to let a 14-year-old go live on her own? And by the way, the campus is a very unique small campus in Winston-Salem, and it’s split with a college. So it’s also the art school for the University of North Carolina system. So not only sending our kid to a high school on a campus, she’s also going to be there with a bunch of college students at the same time. And that forced a tremendous, you know, gut check on this theory about how, you know, how brave are you as a parent and how much do you want them to be on their own? And, and I would say I think it kind of set the tone for us. You know, we had a very hard time the first year just mentally dealing with it, and then all of a sudden one day it’s like, you know, she’s doing fine, she’s doing great out there on her own. And she was 14, 15, 16 years old.

Wylde Scott [00:06:26]:
And I think it led us to be a little bit more reasonable on my younger one who’s 2 years behind when she was in a regular high school, right? So we experienced the regular thing with her, you know, every day, day in, day out, boys dating, wanting to stay out all hours of the night, getting in trouble, you know, doing the right thing, doing the wrong thing. We had a lot more normal experience with my younger daughter. And I think we probably were able to allow the independence a little bit more in that situation. Because we also had a daughter who was completely on her own at that age. And we would wake up every day and have that conversation. Like, as we— the natural tendency, right, is to shut down your kids for safety. Right? All you think about is safety in your brain. I’m gonna, you know, I gotta be safe, safe, safe.

Wylde Scott [00:07:12]:
And, well, we also had this kid that’s living out on her own. We don’t even know what she’s doing for— we literally had no idea what she was doing for 2 weeks at a time. We talked to her every day, but she could do whatever she wanted to do. And that was an incredible, I guess, learning curve for us to combine those 2 mentalities of a normal kid in a normal high school, one who lives away, and find the balance. And we’re a family who believes in all possibilities, and we believe in kind of the big world, and we believe in go big or go home. And but then you have to test yourself when the younger version of you is doing things that you’re scared of. You’re like, oh my God. But then you know what? We told them to do it.

Wylde Scott [00:07:49]:
We told them they had to dream big. We told them go out there and see the world. We told them go out and do this and that. It is a tough gut check when they start doing it to say, okay, I’m going to let this happen. And you realize you take a back seat. And we kind of believe this as a core of success as a parent. You are not successful if your kids cannot operate in the world. So if you’re not, I think, introducing steps in that process that begin to allow them to think independently, operate independently, you’re actually not doing a good job.

Wylde Scott [00:08:18]:
At some point, they will be out in the big bad world, and if they had no options and no opportunities to test their mettle, they’re going to have a hard time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:25]:
So what you just said made me think about fathers with multiple kids and holding kids to similar but different standards. And I guess talk to me about You have one child that’s out on her own. You know, she seems like a go-getter. You know, she is, you know, like you said, completely like, I’m good. And then you got another that is completely different. I have the same in my family. I have one that is to one end, one to the other. And especially when you have one, especially at the beginning, that is such a go-getter out there in front of everything.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:02]:
And you and your wife have, have given her the keys to be able to be that and have that independence. And then you have another that is going in a different direction. How did you pause to say to yourself, or even double-check on yourself to say, are we holding our second to the same standard as our first? Should we be holding our second daughter to the same standard? Or do we completely flip the script and see them as 2 separate people and we have to parent them in some different ways?

Wylde Scott [00:09:29]:
Yeah, I think you have to parent them in 2 different ways. You have to address them as they are, all the while being cognizant, right, of the fact that they are different and the outcomes could be different. Where there’s an analogy I used to use about my own childhood. I used to say I was the kid who would race straight toward the cliff with all my friends and then throw the brakes on as they all went over, right? So kind of a middle ground personality. I love the race, I love the excitement, I love going straight to the edge, but there was something internal that said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, maybe this is not a great idea, this path we’re on right now. And it’s funny because I had 2 different kids where one would just jump the cliff with everyone else and one never even wanted to go to the edge, didn’t want to look over, you know, that kind of thing. So I think that’s important to understand with your children. Who are they when you’re giving these, these rule sets? And if you tell one that you know is going to jump the cliff, go ahead, that’s what’s going to happen, right? She’s going to jump that cliff.

Wylde Scott [00:10:23]:
And you know, if you tell the other one jump the cliff, she’s not even going to approach the edge, right? She’s not even— so you know she’s safe, right? From that perspective. From that perspective, this kid’s safe. But what’s she missing, right? What is that child missing by not going to the edge and taking a look, right? The big, the big wide world. So yeah, we were managing it very differently. You know, we’re managing one back and one forward, you know, at all times. And then it does, as, as you were asking a little bit earlier, it does become unfair sometimes. We did get the— we plenty of times when we were trying to pull the reins back on my little one got the complaint, well, you know, Samantha does whatever she wants, which is my older one. She does anything she wants, you know, and it was true.

Wylde Scott [00:11:04]:
Right? Like, I had no— there was no rope because she lived on her own. And of course, if something bad had happened, you know, my wife and I would have been in the car that day pulling her back from school, pulling her home, making sure that her life was straight. But we did operate a little bit differently. And I think with children, like so much of life, North Stars and compasses are really the answer because you have to have a, I guess, a foundational set of guiding principles on what you think you, you’re doing with your children. And we all know the real world is very different. So you’re basically adjusting to day-to-day-to-day-to-day circumstance, events, experiences, while somehow trying to keep the foundations of what you believe parenthood is about. So I think we did a fairly good job. But like I hear you say on your podcast all the time, it wasn’t perfect.

Wylde Scott [00:11:49]:
It was messy sometimes and a lot of fights, all those good things. And it’s interesting because now they’re 2 young adults and there are things we notice today that is about our parenting and we kind of giggle in the corner for all the things I think they didn’t hear. They suddenly opened their mouth one day and I’m like, oh my God, that’s from us. That’s something we talked about and it actually sunk in. But for years I didn’t think it sunk in at all.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:11]:
It sounds like a lot of the things you’ve done has definitely worked out really well. And as fathers, we want them to work out, but they don’t always work out. Things do happen. We’re flawed individuals and we make mistakes along the way. What’s a mistake that you made as a father and what did that do to you or help you to do to be able to foster better communication with your daughters?

Wylde Scott [00:12:32]:
First of all, I would say I’m older now, so it’s way easier to think about those things and look back and have honest conversations with myself. about parenting and being a father. I think the worst thing that I would call a regret or something that I wish I had done way better— my wife is Colombian. We are both incredibly stubborn. We are not afraid to argue. We are not afraid to stand our ground. And I think about the early years when they’re very small, and if you get into a yelling match with your wife and you see one of your children cry, I think that we went too far. We don’t want to do that in front of our children.

Wylde Scott [00:13:04]:
And when you’re in that moment, it’s very hard to stop, and you want to be right, and your wife wants to be right, and all those things. And I think the reason that’s so important to me now is because I think about the fact that as a father, you are constructing an image of a man, or you are constructing an image of relationships, you’re constructing an image of love and parenting and all these things. And even though we’re imperfect, I think we have permanent impressions we give about what they expect. So now that they’re adults, and they’re trying to figure out who they want to date, who they want to be in love with, develop relationships with, I honestly think a lot about the person that I created as an image. Was it a good one?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:40]:
Was it—

Wylde Scott [00:13:41]:
wasn’t perfect, but was it good? And so This is the answer to your question is that would I want my daughter to stand there with her boyfriend or her husband screaming at her at full bore? And I would say no, of course not, right? Of course I wouldn’t want that. But in my head, I believe that the fact that my wife and I did that, and then we’re still together, we’re almost 30 years together, unfortunately allows a little bit of a gap where it says, that’s okay, my parents are fine. And when they were going through these screaming matches, so I think that’s a regret of mine. And I would say, I wish I had been able to tone it down. I wish I had been able to have better self-control. because my 2 young daughters are in the room. Pay attention to the fact that there are 2 little bright, beautiful minds standing next to you watching these actions. And I definitely think I could have done a way better job of that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:27]:
Now, I mentioned at the beginning that you have a new book called Raising Daughters, and your pen name, Wild Scott, as I mentioned, you write that under your pen name and your, and your persona and your personality. And I guess first and foremost, for those that don’t know your persona, that they don’t know Wild Scott, give me the backstory here, because when you see a picture of Wild, in full gear. It is really fun, and you can see why kids like having Wild come and talk to them. But talk to me a little bit about what made you decide to create the persona of Wild Scott and why it’s still important today.

Wylde Scott [00:15:01]:
So I’m a children’s author, and it’s a passion of mine. It’s something that I absolutely love. I started writing when I was in my early 20s, and I worked in Hollywood for most of my 20s. Very creative environments, you know, you’re always around people trying to create. And, um, but I gave up that career when I had my babies because I to become a good father. I was very dedicated to the idea of a family man. And my life in my 20s was pretty much like a gypsy, going from film to film, traveling all the time, and just decided that wasn’t for me. But I continued to write.

Wylde Scott [00:15:31]:
And when my children hit the ages of, say, 11, 12, 13, started getting into adolescence, I had a personal crisis, is the way I would put it. And it was that I was intensely missing the years when they are little, fun, and it’s very Disney, and you’re watching fantastic movies together, and you’re rolling around around on the floor, and it’s giggles and hugs and kisses. And then they hit the teenage years, and a lot of that goes away. Incredibly resistant. And I was kind of like many fathers who go through this. I was kind of heartbroken. And I would say probably the way I dealt with that trauma in my own head was to start writing a lot of children’s stuff, right? Just something about being around that age from 3 to 7 is just magical for me. So I started writing children’s books, and then I decided to start publishing.

Wylde Scott [00:16:16]:
And I had some friends who were children’s authors. And the way I would describe it is I watched one of my very good friends bore a bunch of 5-year-olds to death Barnes Noble. And I said, okay, I never want to do that. I want to come into a room and I want to blow their little minds, and I want to have such a huge impact. So I created the character of Wild Scott. It wasn’t intentional. It was kind of like, how am I going to do this? How am I going to tell kids about my books? And what’s the interaction going to be like? And very soon, 3, 4 times in, probably the first interaction in that blue suit, I was addicted. It was the most amazing experience.

Wylde Scott [00:16:48]:
The adrenaline, the rush. The fun. It was something else. And it became almost as important as the writing to me. It was a weird thing. Like, the writing was important. Of course I want to tell beautiful stories for children. But then it became like, oh my gosh, these children, they light up with this character.

Wylde Scott [00:17:04]:
They responded amazing. And I realized the younger it got, the higher the response was. I thought of myself as writing for 5-year-olds, and then I realized 3 and 4-year-olds, man, would light up when this character came in the room. And pre-K— I killed pre-K. All right, like, so it became passion. It became an insane passion to be in that costume and interact with kids, and it’s something that hasn’t left me at this stage in my life. I recently— last year I left kind of the 25-year professional career that I was doing to basically start pursuing this 100% of my time. I actually mostly just consult now for money so that I can afford to continue building this character and the books and the dream full-time.

Wylde Scott [00:17:45]:
And it’s funny, I was listening to one of your podcasts and you and I were talking a little bit about the impression that you make on your children. And I’m actually loving the journey I’m on right now because the lesson that became very important to me for my children was always pursue everything to the absolute end for anything that you’re dreaming of. And they’re watching me build a company at 56 years old in a very— it’s different than everything in my real life. It’s completely different than everything in my real life. And I love this journey because I love them seeing that. And they’ve been a part of it for 10 years. They’ve been to many Barnes Noble with me, many elementary schools with me as my backup crew, handing out books and wearing t-shirts that say Wild Scott. And so I’m very proud of the journey.

Wylde Scott [00:18:24]:
I’m very excited about the journey. And what I hope for my 2 daughters is that they see what’s possible in life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:30]:
I love that. And as I said, you do have the new book that’s out that is definitely talking especially about the relationship that you have with your daughters and also what your daughters had in their life to help them to become who they are today. And in your book, you say that all failures of the future will be failures of the imagination. As a father, What does that statement mean to you when you think about the future your daughters are going to inherit?

Wylde Scott [00:18:58]:
The big thing for me was that I had a huge change of perspective last year. And so originally, this book was just about the imagination because there’s so many ways in which I love the imagination. There are so many ways in which I believe it’s teachable, and we basically have ignored it for the last 30 years of education. All these things just strictly based on creativity and imagination, I think it took a backseat to all things for children compared to, say, testing SAT scores and, you know, these linear. So when I started to do a lot of research last year, I researched education hardcore to round out the concept, and I researched child psychology, brain development, everything that was associated with how a child develops. And then the last anchor of this was AI. I did a lot of research in AI, understanding what was coming, and it changed the entire book. That’s why it’s not just called, hey, Imagination.

Wylde Scott [00:19:47]:
It’s called Raising Dreamers. And the reason for that is I realized I realized for all of us, and this is the hardest message I’m trying to get to parents right now, their world is completely different than the world we grew up in. And we are rapidly leaving that world right now. We are leaving the world that you and I grew up in. And so for me, as any parent would who really cares, the shocking thing in my head was, man, I just had these 2 really smart, beautiful daughters that I trained for the world based on the 20th century model. I made them promise me and they both completed college educations. And then we launched them in the world based on a set of skills and circumstance and thought processes that were the last century. And I realized, wow, that’s not what is coming in any way.

Wylde Scott [00:20:33]:
That’s not how this is going to work. So when I say all failures of the future are failures of the imagination, it’s because we are entering a world with endless possibilities, but also endlessly complex at the same time. And the major vein of change, the major crux of change is that what I would call the linear is going to evaporate. And the linear is the world we were trained for. The linear is if you really want to succeed in life, you’re supposed to— elementary school is the foundation of building skill sets for middle school. Middle school is the foundation of building skill sets for high school. High school is all about the SAT score, and the SAT score is all about college. And if you go get a college degree, you are bound to do well in life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:11]:
Well, we’re—

Wylde Scott [00:21:12]:
first of all, we’re watching that crumble in front of us. The generation that is graduating today with bachelor’s and master’s are the most unemployed or underemployed of all generations currently working. So it’s already falling apart. But if you understand what’s happening with artificial intelligence, it just blows up the model. So the layers of jobs that kind of evaporate are just about everything that we thought we were training for. Any job that you go to an office, you sit in an office and you sit in front of a computer for— it can be engineering, it can be accounting, it can be management— so much of what AI is built for replaces that entire layer. And if you understand the robotics and the physical world that’s coming after that, that is based on artificial intelligence, very quickly a lot of the other strata begins to become a problem. problem.

Wylde Scott [00:21:57]:
And if you listen to some of the smartest people in the world, they’re talking about robots building houses and robots cooking meals and robots taking over. And Chris, I’ll share with you, there’s a lot of people who don’t believe that that’s going to happen. But I will give you a very specific example if you’ve ever seen— I can give you 100, but I’ll give you one if you’ve seen this. I went to a McDonald’s the other day, and of course, since I wrote this book, this is always in my head. And guess what was in the lobby as I approached the ordering counter? Guess what was in that An order station? Yeah, 4 kiosks. Guess how many people were standing behind the counter?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:30]:
None.

Wylde Scott [00:22:30]:
Zero were standing behind the counter in this McDonald’s. Someone would appear every 5 minutes bringing up— you know what they were bringing up mostly? Well, I mean, they were bringing— like, they brought my order up. But guess what they were mostly bringing up every 5 minutes?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:42]:
That I don’t know.

Wylde Scott [00:22:43]:
An Uber order. So think about how different that is than when we were kids, or even 10 years ago. You walked into a busy McDonald’s, and there were several things about this that changed my perspective. One, the biggest McDonald’s had 5, 6 registers. Because they were super busy. And they had all these kids, mostly kids, all these kids at the register, behind there getting fries, behind there making burgers, evaporated. And all I was thinking is, where would— if you were a kid today and you were trying to get those classic things that we want out of first-time jobs, responsibility, showing up on time, learning how to follow instructions and listen to others, doing your job with some professionalism and some pride, taking home a paycheck, learning how to manage that paycheck, it’s your own money, all these things that we thought were essential to the Americana way of growing up, right? It’s gone, that evaporated. And that’s one of 50 examples I can give you.

Wylde Scott [00:23:32]:
So in a world where those things start to evaporate, what’s left for our children when they’re 30, 40, 50? Because if you follow the AI in life sciences right now, our children are supposed to live to 120 years old. So you and I think about this, we launch them into the world at 25. It’s like, for me, my kids were 23 when they both had to stand on their own two feet. And in the next 10 years, years, everything will be radically shifted into a brand new universe. So they’re only 30, they’re only 32, 33 years old when it’s a very different circumstance. And have we prepared them for that world that is changing every 5 minutes, that robots and AI do 90% of what they used to do? We are about to see a tremendous crisis of purpose and meaning. That is the thing that is driving me right now in all of my messaging, is the world is a tremendous open oyster and full of possibilities for our children, but the linear progression is gone. So if you have endless possibilities but no guide track, what happens? What happens to your child? And if you understand what just happened in the last 10 years with social media, it frightens me because in my opinion, we all messed that up.

Wylde Scott [00:24:41]:
Not just our kids. We as parents, we as a society, we saw this thing and we were all engrossed in it and we were all Like, wow, that’s incredible. Look at all these things we can do. And I believe that parents are just as guilty as these kids we complain about staring into screens all day, death scrolling, doom scrolling. I see parents do it all day long. So the crazy thing about what I learned was that AI is 10 times more powerful than what we just saw in the last 10 years. And the, the crazy thing that I really picked up was think about a child who’s 5 years old today. And there’s several things I love about where you’re going with this podcast that matter in this conversation, which is one, One, that 5-year-old 15 years from now will be 20, and the world we know will not exist anymore.

Wylde Scott [00:25:24]:
It will be a very different world. But so much of what I learned about brain science, human development, is the same as many of the things that you’re discussing on the podcast about connection. Human connection drives so much of healthy thinking and healthy brains and healthy emotional confidence, all these things. Human connection and the connection with your parents, the connection with your father, and if you’re a father, the connection with your children, it is invaluable. in preparing this next generation for what’s coming. And I can talk about the brain science. There’s some fascinating things that happen between the ages of 5 and 10. But I’m obsessed with the ages of 5 and 10, because we do such a good job, mostly when they’re 0 to 5, of— it’s so easy to make that connection.

Wylde Scott [00:26:06]:
They’re beautiful little hug-and-kiss dolls that they’re easy to hold, easy to pick up, easy to squeeze, easy to kiss. You love sitting down and laughing because they’re learning the whole time. So everything is funny, everything can be fun. And then somehow, as a society, we all kill that before they’re 8. Somewhere between 5 and 8, it’s— they become these little adults and we put them on a track that they have to go forward. And I would say that the world is going to be so tough and, and difficult. And with this access to this amazingly powerful technology, that if you don’t build insane bonds and insane connections before they’re 10 years old, we will struggle with all teenagers and all adults after that because the technology is so powerful. So as I was listening to your podcast, I was all in is the way I would I’m gonna say it, all in on the idea that we as fathers— I’m a hardcore girl dad.

Wylde Scott [00:26:54]:
I’m insane about my daughters. But that connection is so valuable. And I believe 100% that when my daughters do what all daughters do, which is at 13, they stopped talking to their dads. Now I’m just a big pain in the butt annoyance. And it took me 10 years to get back in their good graces. Like, hey, I’m still here. And I think I’ve heard you talk on the podcast about— they were much more naturally inclined to deal with my wife for about 100 reasons. because she’s a girl mom.

Wylde Scott [00:27:18]:
But I believe 1,000%, all of my success or ability to connect with them today, and to guide them in any way through the toughest years where they don’t want to listen, is based on whether or not you have built connections before they’re 10, 12 years old. If you haven’t built those insane connections, and love, and respect, and understanding together, good luck when they turn the corner and start not wanting to listen to you all day.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:42]:
You know, you talked about the ages between 5 and 10, and in the book, you’re talking a lot about creativity. and in how that creativity shows up during those years. And one of the things that you argue in your book is that we can unintentionally kill creativity in kids, particularly between those ages, as their play gets replaced by structure, by school, by adult expectations. What are dads doing with good intentions that might actually be taking imagination away from their daughters?

Wylde Scott [00:28:17]:
There’s several things I would say if you’re a dad. One, of course, the idea of fear. So any good dad who has daughters has a lot of fears. Our instincts are all protective, right? So it’s massively protective. So one big way, you know, you shut down creativity is conformity, just constant conformity and that type of expectation. Chris, I’ll give you an example. I spent a lot of time in an afterschool program observing children, interacting with children heavily after I wrote this book, because I wanted to see and wow, how many ways it came to life. And one of the things that was such a struggle is after I did all this research and had a much deeper understanding, and I would sit there in this playground, I understood, number one, the idea of free play, how that context is incredible for them.

Wylde Scott [00:28:58]:
Because when you spend time on a playground with 40 kids— well, actually 100 kids in different classes— it is a social experiment that’s happening out there. Their development is happening in 100 different ways. So one, that idea of— that’s partially letting go. When your kids are with other kids, are you letting go? 2, the idea of not stepping in every 5 seconds. Conflict resolution. If you resolve every conflict for your children, they don’t understand how to do it on their own. So the idea of not stepping in. 3, when it comes to creativity, creativity.

Wylde Scott [00:29:25]:
Some of your more creative kids are the wildest, the ones who do the things they’re not supposed to do. They’re free of some of the emotional burdens of fear, and they’re naturally inquisitive, naturally curious. They naturally want to do the thing you told them not to do that. And it’s amazing how, from a perspective, I stood there and started laughing about what I was watching with these children with just deeper insight. And like, if you took all the— half the kids that are supposed to be the bad kids or the most disruptive, what you’re shutting down is wild open mind in many of those kids. It’s not just poor behavior. It’s a freedom of emotion. It’s a freedom of thinking.

Wylde Scott [00:30:02]:
It’s a fearlessness. And it’s a very thin line. It’s a very hard thing to do to figure out, wow, how do I let this thing ride without crushing spirit? And that’s tough. But the other thing I would say is intention matters. Being intentional and typical forms of intention we talk about a lot with parents is be present. So we all know dads being present for your daughter is unbelievably valuable if you’re present for their childhood. But I think there are levels to presence. So one of the things that I’m seeing right now constantly is parents on the phone.

Wylde Scott [00:30:31]:
So if you’re in the room and your kid’s over there on the phone and you’re on the phone, or you’re on the phone and they’re on an iPad, you’re not present, you’re not engaged, you’re not active. So the first thing I would say is, are you really present? Are you really engaged? Are you really active? And what happens with that switch at like 5 or 6 years old is the old days would be maybe coming home, hug and kiss, roll on the floor, and you stop doing that. So the big thing for me is from 5 to 10, are you still playing with Are you coming home? Because again, they’re also developing as children. They’re starting to be independent. So they have some natural instincts to maybe play with their sibling or watch TV or get on the phone. So it’s this divide that starts to happen between 5 and 10 between the connection. So intentional— what I mean by intentional is, are you driving that connection back together? Are you cognizant of that room? Are you cognizant of every time you’re in that room? Are you cognizant of what’s happening when you’re with your children? Are you on the phone? Are you actively engaged with them. That’s the number one thing.

Wylde Scott [00:31:23]:
And that connection is the same connection that drives creativity. So the last piece of that is, are you intentional about creativity? And I write a lot about that in the book. Like, what does that actually mean, creativity and the imagination? Well, the simple thing is, for example, everyone knows literacy is the foundation of just about everything in mental development. Do we have a good program for literacy? How many different ways children slow down their development if they don’t have a good literary background? But at the same time, it’s more than that. It’s, do you go to bed at night? I think we have about 10 years to read to our kids at night, but most of us stop somewhere around 5 or 6, and most of us stop with, say, picture books. But how many sit up there and read children’s novels from beginning to end with their children? Because it’s not just about time together, it’s about opening up their mind to wild worlds and big dreams and all kinds of fascinating characters. So that’s one for me. Number 2 is, do you understand how to prompt imagination? Do you understand how in basic conversations you can constantly think about a normal world? Get dressed, put your toys away, go eat your food.

Wylde Scott [00:32:24]:
It’s all instruction sets. We spend all day giving instruction sets to children. How much time do we spend thinking about blowing up their imagination, blowing up their creativity? How much time do we spend dedicated— you know, all of us, and I’m guilty of a lot of this because my kids were raised in an era where I was very traditional in my thinking— is we’re all willing to say to the kids when they’re 7 and 8, and you know, 7 and 8-year-olds don’t want to do math. their math homework. They really don’t. But we’re very good at saying you need to sit down and finish your math homework because we were told to, because school told us to, because everybody says we got to do this. Well, what happens when that’s not the formula? What happens if math isn’t king? Because a robot can do math 10 times faster at 10 times higher levels than you can. So is it really important to sit there and push your kid at 8 to just higher and higher levels of math? Or maybe what would it be like to push your kid to higher and higher levels of imagination and push your kids to higher and higher levels of agency or differential thinking or experimentation or curiosity? When’s the last time you heard anybody talk about intentional ways of doing that with your children from the ages of 5 to 10?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:27]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call the Dad Connection 6. 6 more questions to delve into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Wylde Scott [00:33:34]:
Yes, go ahead, man.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:35]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Wylde Scott [00:33:38]:
Hopefully it’s love.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:39]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Wylde Scott [00:33:43]:
Definitely did not get that from my parents. My life was a mess. I will tell you what what it is. And it’s so funny because it has a lot to do with this book and what I just wrote. A friend of mine was a world traveler for IBM, and he was all over the world doing amazing projects because he had invented some significant technology. And he was seeing some of the greatest things being developed around the world. And our daughters were together in middle school, and he would come home and he would tell me these stories, and he would say, this is not going to be here, this is totally going to change, forget about that, this industry is going to be gone. And It was just this frightening, overwhelming thing.

Wylde Scott [00:34:16]:
And I would sit there and remember, we were the first generation where our daughters are asking for iPhones at 13, all these things. And I would sit here and I would lament everything about the past. Oh, that’s terrible. Oh, this is not going to be good. Oh my God, this is awful. Oh, we can’t do that. And he would look at me and say, you’re thinking about this all wrong. He said, the world your daughters will grow up in has nothing to do with the world that you grew up in.

Wylde Scott [00:34:39]:
So you have to understand the world they’re going to inherit. And You have to start thinking about that and preparing them for that. And he was one of the first people to plant that seed in my head.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:50]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

Wylde Scott [00:34:53]:
We are a restaurant family. We love good dining together. And then I would tell you my 2 daughters are very opposite. My older one loves travel and museums and ballets. And so I do as much of that as I can with her. My little one is totally bored by 90% of that stuff. So I really focus on each one individually. And we try and put together the things that they want to spend time on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:15]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Wylde Scott [00:35:18]:
Some of them I can’t say because we’ve had some tough conversations, right? I think it is, anything in the world is possible if you are willing to work for it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:27]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Wylde Scott [00:35:30]:
I think the art of sacrifice. I think one of the things, the hardest lessons in life to learn is when you invite children into the world, it’s just not about you anymore. And if you’re not willing to give up anything, you don’t really want to be a dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:41]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Wylde Scott [00:35:49]:
I think obsessive engagement. Are you finding the ways to spend time with your children from day one? It will get harder and harder as they get older and life takes over. So how are you spending every minute you can along the way, every minute that life allows you? Are you spending time with your children engaging?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:06]:
Well, wow, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here, for sharing some of your story. And I know we just touched the surface on the book. So if people want to find out more about you, about the book, where should they go?

Wylde Scott [00:36:18]:
Just go to my website, www.wyldgot.com. And it’s W-Y-L-D-E for Wyld.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:24]:
Well, again, Wyld, I really appreciate you being here today for sharing your own journey. And I wish you all the best.

Wylde Scott [00:36:31]:
Thank you, Chris. Thank you for having me on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:33]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being engaged.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:37:00]:
Bye for now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:37:01]:
the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:37:03]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your Hey, game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the one to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:37:59]:
Be the best dad you can be.

The post Raising Dreamers: How Dads Can Inspire Creativity and Confidence in Daughters appeared first on Dad of Divas.

Photo by Dreame Vacuum Cleaner on Unsplash

Indoor insects often appear when seasonal changes create easy access to food, water, and shelter. Warm weather may bring fruit flies near produce, while cooler temperatures can send other insects toward protected indoor spaces. Everyday household habits make a noticeable difference. Regular cleaning, moisture control and quick repairs help remove the conditions that allow small pest problems to grow.

A seasonal routine doesn’t need to involve cleaning the entire house every weekend. Focus on the places where crumbs, standing water and clutter tend to collect.

Start with food and kitchen cleanup

Wipe counters after meals and sweep beneath the table, especially if young children tend to leave crumbs behind. Store cereal, flour, rice and pet food in containers with tight-fitting lids. Open bags and cardboard packages can provide both food and hiding spots.

Take kitchen trash outside regularly and rinse recycling containers before putting them in the bin. These household pest prevention tips also recommend cleaning spills promptly and checking food storage areas. During warmer months, keep ripe fruit in the refrigerator or use it within a few days. A forgotten banana or sticky juice spot can attract insects surprisingly quickly.

Track down moisture and breeding areas

Small flying insects often gather near sinks, houseplants, and drains because damp organic material can support their development. If they appear around produce, inspect fruit bowls and recycling. If they hover near potted plants, let the top layer of soil dry before watering again and empty any water left in saucers.

Location offers a useful clue. Homeowners trying to learn how to get rid of gnats should first identify the insect and inspect likely breeding sources. Clean sink strainers, garbage disposals and drain openings thoroughly. Repair dripping faucets too. A slow leak beneath a cabinet can keep wood and stored items damp long after the surrounding kitchen looks dry.

Seal the routes insects use

Inspect screens, doors and windows at the start of spring and again before cold weather arrives. Replace torn screening and add weatherstripping where daylight is visible around an exterior door. Caulk narrow gaps around utility lines, window frames and baseboards according to the material and product directions.

Pay close attention to items brought into the house. Grocery boxes, storage bins and secondhand furniture deserve a quick inspection before they reach bedrooms or living areas. Packages can be opened in an entryway, with the cardboard recycled promptly. Firewood and outdoor equipment should stay outside or in a suitable storage area until needed, since insects may shelter in cracks and folds.

Give bedrooms and storage spaces attention

Bedrooms may not seem like obvious insect hot spots, but luggage, fabric piles and crowded storage create plenty of hiding places. Vacuum along baseboards, under beds and around upholstered furniture. Empty the vacuum outside when practical, then wash bedding on the hottest setting the fabric allows.

Travel calls for a few extra habits. Inspect luggage before unpacking and keep worn clothing contained until it can be washed. The EPA’s bed bug prevention tips advise reducing clutter and checking secondhand furniture before bringing it home. Avoid relying on foggers as a quick fix. Careful inspection and early identification provide much clearer direction.

Adjust your routine with the seasons

Spring is a good time to repair screens, inspect window frames, and clean beneath large appliances. During summer, empty trash more often and watch produce for signs of overripening. Fall calls for sealing exterior gaps before temperatures drop, while winter offers a chance to sort crowded closets and discard damaged cardboard boxes.

Keep the routine manageable by attaching tasks to things your family already does. Check houseplant saucers on watering day, inspect pantry shelves when groceries arrive, and clean drains during the weekly kitchen reset. If insects continue appearing after food, moisture and entry points have been addressed, record where and when you see them. That simple pattern can reveal the overlooked plant, drain or package behind the problem.

The post Seasonal Home Hygiene: Simple Habits to Deter Indoor Insects appeared first on Dad of Divas.

One of the episode’s central themes is being truly present. Arpan Shah opens up about his journey as a dad navigating dual custody, and how—even when parenting comes with logistical and emotional hurdles—intentionally showing up matters more than perfection. He shares the powerful impact of simple, everyday rituals: from regular FaceTime check-ins and nighttime meditation to asking thoughtful questions like, “How did you help someone today?” or “What new thing did you learn?”

Another key takeaway is the importance of leading by example. Children learn more from their parents’ behaviors than their words. Arpan Shah explains how volunteering at school, coaching basketball, and making time for shared hobbies like hiking and music aren’t just fun—they show his daughter that she is valued and supported, while modeling lifelong curiosity and resilience.

Honesty and forgiveness are woven throughout the conversation. Both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Arpan Shah talk about the inevitable mistakes that come with parenting. The real magic, they suggest, happens when we use those moments to communicate openly, learn together, and even let our daughters teach us a thing or two about empathy.

The episode is full of practical advice for fathers who want to build a deep, trusting relationship with their daughters, such as:

• Prioritizing quality time over material things or work distractions
• Supporting your child’s interests—from robotics and coding to sports and music
• Establishing meaningful routines and traditions
• Creating space for honest, two-way conversations—even when they’re tough
• Focusing on presence instead of perfection

If you’re looking for real stories and actionable insights to help you on your fatherhood journey, this podcast is for you. Tune in for inspiration, support, and a reminder that your heart already knows the way—sometimes, you just need to be still, listen, and be present.

Subscribe today and start strengthening your bond. Listen to the latest episode of “The Dad and Daughter Connection” now!

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started. Because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to Work together on these relationships that we want to build with our daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:02]:
And I just want to say thank you. Thank you for coming back every week, for you putting yourself out there, for wanting to continue to keep learning, to keep growing, and to keep being present for your daughters. Because that’s what it’s all about. Each one of us has to put in the work, put in the time to be able to do what we can to be able to help our daughters grow into the women that they’re becoming. But also, we need to put in the time for ourselves to be able to be the fathers that we want to be. And that’s why this show exists. This show exists because I want to provide you with resources that are going to help you, give you some tools for your toolbox that’ll help you to be that dad that you want to be. As you know, I’ve got 2 daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:44]:
I know you’ve got daughters. And I love being able to allow for you every week to learn something new from new people that can provide you with some of the experiences that they’ve had. in their life. Because every one of us as fathers is going to father in a different way. But we can learn from each other and take little pieces here and there to be able to help us be even better dads in the future. That’s why every week I bring you a different guest, a different person with different experiences. And this week we’ve got another great guest. Arpan Shah is with us today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:15]:
And Arpan is a, actually a past guest of another podcast that I used to do called Dads with Daughters. And I was really excited to be able to ask him to come back to join us and to, and to have us have him back on to talk with us about his own journey as a father. And I’m really excited to introduce him to you. Arpan, thanks so much for being here today.

Arpan Shah [00:02:38]:
Thanks for having me, Chris.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:39]:
I’m really excited to be able to have you here today and for you to share some of the experiences that you’ve had. I always start these interviews with an opportunity to learn a little bit more about you as a dad and talk about you and the relationship with your daughter. I guess first and foremost, as you think about the relationship that you have with your daughter, I know she’s 9. So as you think back to that relationship that you have with her, what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share together with your daughter? And what made it so special?

Arpan Shah [00:03:07]:
I think the special moments is now that she’s 9. My last podcast was when she was about 4 or 5. And I was in the midst of a really bad custody battle. And so I was going through all kinds of emotions that many fathers go through in the treacherous waters of family court. And so what has changed And what’s meaningful now is those little random hugs and bursts of, I love you, for no absolute reason, where you can see the unconditional love just pouring out of each other’s eyes and souls when you embrace your child. And knowing that you’re doing a good job, knowing that she’s smart, she’s got a good heart, and that she is a kind person, and she helps me out as well. And those are some of the most meaningful little milestones. Just if we can have that connection as the child grows and blooms, to nurture that and to have a hand in that is extremely humbling.

Arpan Shah [00:03:57]:
And something to be very grateful for.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:58]:
As you think about what you just said, each one of us is trying to do things to intentionally build those moments and be able to have those opportunities to be able to connect with our daughters. What are some intentional ways that you’ve worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during challenging times?

Arpan Shah [00:04:16]:
Well, recently, as she’s gotten older, this is much different, as I have not pondered these questions you’ve asked for some time now, is There is a struggle when she goes from home to home. Our parenting schedule is such where she is 7 days with me with a break in the middle where there’s a date night with the other parent and with her mother. And then on 7 days with her mom, I have a date night in the middle of the week as well. So during those times, there are FaceTime calls every day. And then we do a check-in. We meditate or pray every night before going to sleep. And the way I started that was a count to 10, just a breathing to 10 where you clear your mind for those 10 seconds. And I kind of assist her in doing so.

Arpan Shah [00:04:59]:
So, and we’ll take deep breaths, we’ll hold them, we’ll let them out, and we’ll try to clear ourselves of all our thoughts and whatever might be on our minds. We just clear it. And it’s just me and her, her voice and mine. And then we find peace. And then we touch base every day where that grows. I can get into that a little further, but I think that’s something that everybody should do is just unwind with your child and debrief. How was your day today? What were some of your best moments of the day? How have you helped somebody today? What did you learn today? Those kind of questions are very important to ask. And then getting a habit of that, it keeps it in your mind throughout the day.

Arpan Shah [00:05:35]:
It helps you have a more positive impact as a parent. And then the child ponders those questions a lot more than you might think. Children learn more from behaviors than what you tell them to do. So it’s important for you to exhibit that as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:46]:
And following up with that, you talked a little bit about the fact that getting her back onto a routine and moving from routine to routine, and some fathers like yourself have a similar type of a family dynamic that has to happen based on time with mom, time with dad, you know, whatever the situation is. And you said that you’ve tried some different things that have worked, maybe some things that didn’t work. For other fathers that are in dual custody type of situations like that, what’s some advice that you would give them to be able to help the child to be able to maneuver from environment to environment?

Arpan Shah [00:06:21]:
There’s a couple of things that we can do to help the transitions. The most important being Don’t badmouth the other parent when the child is around. That’s very important. You want to love the child more than you might have some grievances with the other parent because that child is half you and half the other. And so it’s important to know that if the child hears that, it’s heartbreaking because the child is part of both and it’s confusing as well. So it’s important not to do that. On the contrary, if you are fortunate enough to have a good relationship, it’s important to maybe just watch the child interact— you both interact politely. respectfully with each other.

Arpan Shah [00:06:57]:
And then maybe do an exchange at a playground where you’re both present for a little while, things like that. In the beginning, attorneys can really make things complicated. So I would have imaginary phone calls with the other parent to show that, hey, you know, we’re laughing, we’re good. And it felt— made her feel really good growing up. I think it’s important for dads to be present, not be on your phone. And you know what, work may come in the future, spend time with your child. When you’re older, you’re not going to look back and wish that you had worked the extra hour to get that overtime pay or whatever it is. If you’re in that situation.

Arpan Shah [00:07:28]:
I know it’s easier for some than others. But I have turned down opportunities, and even relationships and commitments to spend time. And I’ve never regretted that. As far as spending time goes, it’s like, what do I do? I mean, if you look in the marketplace, or the— or even TV shows, it’s changing slowly. But usually, historically, it’s frustrating to me that the dad is more of a sort of like a bumbling idiot, if you will, in these TV shows like Al Bundy and Homer Simpson, and etc., etc. So it’s important for you to find those positive figures or exhibit that yourself. Doing things, learning something together, taking a cooking class with the child, putting together one of those crafts like a mechanical toy or Lego set, building it together. Those things you’re creating together with your creation.

Arpan Shah [00:08:14]:
And that’s one of the reasons I wrote Daddy Goes to Work, my book, because it’s a book that I was looking for when she was young. Because she’ll grab your leg and be like, Dad, where are you going? Dada, no! And then she’ll whine. And you have a schedule, you have to be at work, and the kid has no idea where you’ve abandoned her for 8, 9, 10 hours. So in a good connection with one’s father, especially girls, it’s important for their sense of joy and self-confidence later in life. And more and more research and science is showing this and proving that to be true. A father’s love is no less, especially with a girl, although it’s also prevalent with males too. So anyways, Daddy Goes to Work is what I wrote, and I’m glad I did. Every child that reads it has a better connection and makes the world a better place, in my opinion, one kid at a time.

Arpan Shah [00:09:00]:
It’s a story of a father that goes to work and explains to a young child— it’s more for kids under 7— what happens in the day and how much the father loves her, and that he’ll always come back. And that message is very important, and it’s nonexistent until now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:13]:
You know, and we talk a lot more about that book in the first interview that I mentioned. I’ll put a link in the notes today so you can learn more about the book and kind of the impetus behind that to be able to learn a little bit more. One of the questions that I have, and it goes back to kind of what you were talking about in regard to The work that we all do, many of us are working full-time. We’re trying our best to provide for our families. We’re wearing a lot of hats as we are being fathers, and we have to try to balance all of those different things. Talk to me about how you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the ability and the independence to grow into the person that she’s becoming.

Arpan Shah [00:09:49]:
So I incorporate her with my day. I will take vacation days like many, but instead of sitting around or going on a guys trip, I’ll volunteer at her school. I’m involved. I’m her basketball coach for the 3rd graders last year. As a children’s book author, I’ll do author readings in the school. I’ll help any way I can. So I make myself known. And I’ve always noticed when I was a kid and other parents would volunteer, I always thought it was so cool.

Arpan Shah [00:10:12]:
I thought it was so special. And I could see it in her eyes and heart, how joy she gets seeing me in her classroom. She’s like, whoa, what are you doing here? And then now people have gotten to know me as Mr. Shah. Like, she thinks I work there. So that’s really special. So I’m very involved. And I encourage every father to do that.

Arpan Shah [00:10:29]:
Show up at their appointments, dentist, doctor. It’s important for you to be there. These norms are changing. And especially in the future with AI and stuff, I think fathers are more involved now than ever in the last century, at least, and volunteering, doing activities together, and just being present. Or, and if you can’t, debriefing with her, asking her specific questions on her day. Because young children can be very vague. It’s like, yeah, it was good. It was fine.

Arpan Shah [00:10:53]:
What’d you do? Nothing. You know, like, well, did you play with any friends? And back to those questions that I mentioned earlier, have— how did you help somebody today? What’s something new that you learned today? What is something that you need to work on? How can I help you? What was your favorite part of your day with me if you had spent the day? So those are all very— make things more meaningful. And then when you go putting action to your thoughts, you’ll be surprised how your soul will carry you forward in this relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:19]:
Now, none of us are infallible. We’re human. We make mistakes. And I guess as you think about yourself as a father in working with your daughter, what’s a mistake that you’ve made as a father And what did you learn from it about fostering better communication with your own daughter?

Arpan Shah [00:11:35]:
Well, I learned something new every day. I just never stopped looking for ways to improve. This is a very common thing. The way my custody battle started, it was my child was removed from the state and we kind of saw it coming and she was held without contact for an extended period. So I think that’s why I’m so intense and present in her life right now, because I was so connected to her. I’m the oldest out of like 9 cousins and we were raised very close together. Like I was in Chicago. They’re in Indiana, and we would visit every weekend.

Arpan Shah [00:12:03]:
So they were like siblings, but I was the oldest. And my best friend in the family has always been the youngest one. Like I said, I’m a big kid. I love goofing around. And I missed that. But I won that pretty quickly. But it was very difficult, very traumatic. And that kind of helped me be extremely present.

Arpan Shah [00:12:18]:
I did some positive parenting classes that were free I found online, just voluntarily. I talked to other dads. I went to some parent mentoring stuff. And I’m just always trying to be a better dad or make other fathers better. I currently help freelance as a divorce coach and a parenting guide for fathers and some mothers too. I’ve helped a lot of people out, so I learned from their experiences. I learned from mine. I’m trying to think.

Arpan Shah [00:12:40]:
We’re human, like you said, so you can get angry sometimes, or you want to make sure that you’re always communicating so that you can grow together. In relationships, you learn when you fall and from when you rise. So you want to make sure you’re there to carry her up, and then you want to empower your child to lift you up when she notices things and to have honest conversations with— because you are not a god.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:00]:
One other question, which is really going to some of the things that you do, because you’re already talking about things that you’re doing to be able to show up for your daughter. What do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Arpan Shah [00:13:12]:
I’m always present. I think presence is what’s important for fathers more than ever. I’m there before she’s awake. I’m there to put her down. When I’m picking her up at school, I’m, I’m on time. I’m there taking her to activities and not just leaving, checking out at the playground. I’m not just leaving her at the playground sitting on the bench on my phone. I’m interacting.

Arpan Shah [00:13:29]:
You know, while I still can, while I have a good back. And it’s the engaging, it’s the wanting to be there, it’s the presence. And I think as long as you’re present, the love that you have for your child will tell you where to go next.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:40]:
And before we started the show today, one of the things that you told me was the story of the conversation that you had with your daughter about teasing. I want you to tell that story because I think that really connects with this question as well.

Arpan Shah [00:13:53]:
I can be immature sometimes, and then we tease each other, but I got to realize that one time she was joking around with me, and then I can’t remember I don’t remember exactly the situation. It was some time ago, but I do remember what she said afterwards. She sat me down like she was my mom and she’s like, hey, if you treat somebody and do blah, blah, blah to them, how would that make you feel? And then I was like, ah, man, I wouldn’t feel very good at all. And she’s like, well, that’s how I feel. And I was just like, oh my God. I apologized. It was just so sweet to see her put me in my place and the maturity. I was just so proud of her.

Arpan Shah [00:14:27]:
Even when she was 3, she had those kind of tendencies. One time we had people over, me and my wife, and And then it was about 9 PM. So what she did— and we had music playing, we had some food on the dining table, and people were kind of scattered throughout the condo. And then she walks up out of her room, turns the music off, slams her door before she says, I’m going to sleep, everybody be quiet. And then the mic just dropped and everybody was like, oh my God, that was so beautiful. It was so awesome. And then, I mean, eventually, you know, people got quiet and they were trailing out anyways. There were other children there.

Arpan Shah [00:15:00]:
So I just thought that was really cool. She’s like 9 going on 90.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:04]:
So, you know, every one of us as fathers also try to support our daughter’s dreams and passions. How are you supporting your daughter’s dreams and passions?

Arpan Shah [00:15:14]:
I’ve exposed her in her earlier years to so many different activities. We’ve tried all kinds of sports. She did love basketball. I didn’t think she would because probably that I was one of the coaches there. So I’m really proud of that. And we play every chance we get. And when we find a park, I keep a ball in my car. Something else is she’s really taken a liking to building and programming and coding.

Arpan Shah [00:15:36]:
Like engineering, whether it be Legos or Roblox, Minecraft. I’m not a big fan of Roblox, but there’s also editing videos and sounds. I play several instruments myself, so that way she’s become somewhat of an audiophile. She has an appreciation for good music and the technology that’s behind it. Her school is a performing arts and fine arts magnet, so they do have a music technology class that they start at a young age, which I thought was cool. I didn’t have that when I was young. I had a recorder, but I found a place called iCode. Where they did like a YouTube Creator Week where you modify sound waves and add text to video and make, make like video editing basically.

Arpan Shah [00:16:15]:
And she just loved it. After school, she pulled up my laptop, downloaded some app, and started finding stock videos and footage, adding text, and then finding music clips, uploading them, and doing that. And she’s just turned 9, and I can’t even do some of this stuff. So I was very impressed, and I felt grateful that, hey, I put in this effort. I got her into this camp over the summer instead of something else or just sitting at home. And she’s learned something new that she’s passionate about. The way I found it was a trial class in robotics where you kind of code a robot to like make a left turn, go straight, because, you know, the future is AI. So we gotta— I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that you can’t go wrong with this stuff for now at least.

Arpan Shah [00:16:54]:
And it’s good to have a background in it. So I’m looking forward to seeing if I can get her into something else like our Battle of the Bots. That’s the— that’s something coming up in August, which is a week-long course about programming a robot. The other student programs one. And then you fight and then you see who wins and you learn something and you have a fun time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:10]:
And what’s one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Arpan Shah [00:17:13]:
When she confesses something to me or says something serious, she knows that I have her back. Like if there’s some bullying happening or if she gets in trouble, there’s one way to discipline. And then, but in private, you want to give the advice and know that you’re on her side, that you are supported, that she is not alone. Even though there are going to be consequences for her behaviors and actions, you have to explain that to her. You can’t just be like, you’re going timeout, or Like, you know, I’m taking your tablet away for a week or whatever else you do to discipline your child. You want to explain that this was you, this is your choice. You can choose to do this or you can choose to do that. You have to give them the power.

Arpan Shah [00:17:50]:
And then once you give them the choice and they make the wrong choice, they’ll understand that there are specific consequences to making those choices in their little minds. And that’s how they’re gonna learn it. If you just yell at them, they’re just gonna learn to resist slightly and outsmart. But, and kids are smart, so you have to be on top of it and you have to be present and you have to be involved in everything we’ve set up to this point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:10]:
And what’s a tradition or routine that you’ve created together that strengthens your bond?

Arpan Shah [00:18:15]:
It would have to be the evening meditation. And we did jiu-jitsu for 5 years. You know, we need to empower our girls, especially if they’re not bullies. If they are, then don’t empower them. But now she’s recently taken a liking to boxing. She loves it. Actually, as a bachelor, I might— I’m actually shopping for a 40-pound punching bag to put in my living room. Between my living room and dining room.

Arpan Shah [00:18:37]:
So I’m really happy that she loves it so much. And it’s something good, something fitness-oriented. I go to the gym, I make sure I bring her with me. Gyms have daycares with toys and fun stuff. So it’s important, like I said earlier, kids learn more from behaviors. You can tell a kid that it’s important to work out and eat healthy, or you can demonstrate that. And then she enjoys doing push-ups, mountain climbers, bear crawls, and all kinds of stuff just by watching me. And then you break a sweat, you come into the break room or the childcare area sweating, and you’re like, hey, just checking in on you.

Arpan Shah [00:19:07]:
How are you doing? You having fun, great. And then you go back. And I think those are really important.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6. 6 more questions to delve into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Arpan Shah [00:19:18]:
I am.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:18]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Arpan Shah [00:19:22]:
Blissful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:22]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you’ve ever received?

Arpan Shah [00:19:27]:
Always be honest with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:28]:
What’s one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Arpan Shah [00:19:32]:
Hiking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:32]:
If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Arpan Shah [00:19:36]:
Pain is mandatory. Suffering is optional.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:38]:
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Arpan Shah [00:19:41]:
Resilience.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:42]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Arpan Shah [00:19:50]:
Your heart already knows what to do. Cut out your programming that you might have had from your parents and the parents before and be present with an open heart and mind.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:58]:
Well, Arpan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for being here today, for sharing what you shared. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

Arpan Shah [00:20:06]:
Well, they can Google Arpan V. Shah, A-R-P-A-N, and my book is Daddy Goes to Work. You can also find me on Facebook as A.V. Shah. It’s just capital letters, A.V. together, space, Shah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:18]:
Well, again, Arpan, thanks so much for being here today. I really appreciate the opportunity to talk to you again, and I wish you all the best.

Arpan Shah [00:20:24]:
Thank you so much, Chris. I appreciate the opportunity. It’s been a long time. Always a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:28]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:20:58]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by so fast. I’m gonna go get some sleep. Time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be in the world too now. Be the best dad you can be.

Musical Outro Performer [00:21:51]:
Be the best dad you can be.

The post Presence Over Perfection: Creating Meaningful Dad-Daughter Connections appeared first on Dad of Divas.

Photo by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels

Juggling work, school runs, and family activities can leave everyone feeling a bit frazzled. Our homes should be a sanctuary from the outside world, a place where the whole family can decompress and reconnect. By intentionally creating spaces designed for relaxation, you can really boost your family’s overall well-being and build a more peaceful household. And good news: it doesn’t require a massive renovation! Often, small, thoughtful changes can make the biggest difference in turning a chaotic house into a calming home.

Designing Your Relaxation Oasis

Let’s start by carving out a specific spot in your home just for chilling out. This doesn’t have to be an entire room. It could be a comfy armchair tucked into a living room corner, a window seat with a view of the backyard, or even a cozy nook under the stairs. The main idea is to create a space that tells your brain, “Okay, time to unwind.” Fill this area with comfort in mind: think plush pillows, a soft blanket, and a small table for a book or a warm drink.

Lighting also plays a big role. Ditch those harsh overhead lights for softer options like a floor lamp with a warm-toned bulb or some string lights. Personal touches, like family photos or a favorite piece of art, can make the space feel uniquely yours. For more specific home design ideas, you can find great inspiration to help you tailor a corner of your home into a perfect retreat for you and your family.

Creating a Calm Indoor Environment

Beyond just one “oasis,” you can sprinkle little bits of calm all through your home. One of the best ways to do this is to declutter. A tidy, organized space cuts down on visual noise and can have a surprisingly powerful effect on how you feel mentally. Start small by tackling just one drawer or shelf at a time so you don’t get overwhelmed.

You can also use scent to set the mood. An essential oil diffuser with lavender or chamomile can help everyone relax, while a simple scented candle can make a room feel extra cozy. It’s really helpful to learn how to create a calm environment by managing these sensory inputs. And don’t forget about sound! Try putting together a family playlist of calming music to play during dinner or before bed, replacing the constant background noise of the television.

Outdoor Spaces for Unwinding

Don’t overlook the potential of your outdoor areas. A porch, patio, or even a small backyard can become a wonderful extension of your living space. Spending time in nature is a proven stress-reducer, and you don’t have to go far to feel the benefits. A simple setup with a couple of comfortable chairs, an outdoor rug, and some potted plants can create an inviting spot for morning coffee or evening chats.

If you have the room, a hammock is a classic choice for ultimate relaxation. Stringing up some outdoor lights can make the area usable and magical after the sun goes down. Encouraging the kids to spend time in this space, maybe with a book or a quiet game, helps them learn to appreciate moments of peace and quiet away from screens.

Ensuring Your Hot Tub is Ready

For families lucky enough to have one, a hot tub is a fantastic way to relax and connect. The warm, bubbling water can soothe sore muscles and provide a unique setting for conversation. It offers a screen-free zone where you can chat with your kids about their day or simply enjoy a quiet soak together under the stars.

But here’s the thing: a hot tub that isn’t properly maintained can quickly become a source of stress rather than relief. To make sure your spa is always ready for a spontaneous family soak, consistent hot tub maintenance is key. Keeping the water balanced, the filters clean, and the system running smoothly is essential for a safe and enjoyable experience. Professional services can handle all the technical bits, so all you have to do is lift the cover and relax.

Simple Rituals for Daily Calm

Creating relaxing spaces is only half the battle; you also have to build the habits to actually use them. Try integrating simple rituals into your family’s routine to make relaxation a regular practice. This could be a “quiet 15” every day, where each family member spends 15 minutes in their favourite quiet spot, reading, drawing, or just resting. Keeping these routines flexible and enjoyable can also help you keep kids’ schedules fun and stress-free, rather than making relaxation feel like another task they have to complete.

Another idea is to have a weekly family soak in the hot tub to catch up without distractions. You could also establish a “tech-free” hour each evening where everyone puts their devices away and spends time together in one of your relaxing zones. The key is to be consistent without making the routine too rigid. These small, repeated actions help build a family culture that truly values rest and connection, making your home a real haven.

The post Boosting Family Well-being with Relaxing Home Spaces appeared first on Dad of Divas.

Listening With Intent

One of the most powerful themes from this episode is the importance of truly listening. Olivia Haviland reflects on her high school years, sharing how her dad’s willingness to listen without judgment made her feel seen and valued. Rather than resorting to harsh discipline, Matt Haviland chose to open a dialogue, striving to understand Olivia’s perspective and guide rather than simply correct. This practice, inspired by a national survey in which teens wished their dads would “listen more,” is a reminder for all fathers: be present, and let your daughter’s voice be heard.

Meaningful Moments Big and Small

Connection isn’t always about the grand gestures. Matt Haviland and Olivia share memories ranging from epic squirt gun battles to heartfelt college essays, and even “loud and obnoxious” declarations of love at McDonald’s. Whether it’s a shared joke, a drive together, or simply showing up at a dance recital, these moments accumulate into a reservoir of trust and comfort. As Olivia Haviland puts it, time spent together outweighs any material gift.

Guidance and Independence

Balancing guidance with independence is a recurring theme. Matt Haviland, a former single dad, emphasizes being intentional with the time he shared with Olivia, supporting her dreams while encouraging self-reflection and growth. For Olivia, this support translated into confidence in her career and life decisions—bolstered by her dad’s encouragement to think long-term and his faith-based guidance.

Real Advice for Real Dads

This episode wraps with practical wisdom: prioritize time with your kids, apologize for your mistakes, and let your actions reflect your family values. Both Matt Haviland and Olivia Haviland urge dads everywhere to listen deeply and value presence over presents.

Ready to strengthen your bond with your daughter? Listen to this heartfelt episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection and discover how every day can be an opportunity to connect, grow, and become the dad she needs.

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there. It’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together to build those connections that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. You know, I love it that you come back every week because that shows a lot about who you want to be as a father, but also who you want to be and what type of relationship you want to have, relationship that you want to have with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]:
And it takes time, it takes effort, and it takes work. And we have to keep showing up. And it is so important for us to be able to put the work in for ourselves, but also put in the work with our daughters to be able to have that solid relationship that we wanna have. And that’s why this podcast exists. Every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that allow for you to be able to learn, to grow, to get some tools for your toolbox, and to be able to take those and use them for the future. So I am really excited today to have a, I’m gonna say a return guest. It’s not really a return guest on this show, but Matt Haviland, is with us. And Matt and his daughter are with us today, his daughter Olivia.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:02]:
And Matt is a past guest of a past podcast that I did called Dads with Daughters about 4 years ago. And I’m really excited to be able to have Matt on, but also this time his daughter Olivia, to be able to talk about the relationship that they’ve been able to build together and also what they’ve learned along the way to share that with you. Matt, Olivia, thanks so much for being here today.

Matt Haviland [00:02:26]:
Yeah, Chris, thanks again for having me back. And this is a really It’s a really special moment to have Olivia with me today. So say hi.

Olivia Haviland [00:02:33]:
Hi.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]:
I’m really excited to have you both here. And I want to go back a little bit because I know, Olivia, you’re 20. You know, you’re an adult now. You’re doing the life thing. You’re doing the work thing. You’re out there. And as you think back to the relationship that you’ve been able to build with your dad, what’s one thing that your dad did for you that helped you and made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Olivia Haviland [00:03:02]:
Um, I would say in high school, I was struggling a lot with my mental health. And then I was getting myself into a little bit of trouble. And he didn’t ground me. Well, there was like boundaries where he grounded me a little bit, but he was more open to like listening as of like why I did the things that I did, instead of just like not hearing me out and just screaming at me, taking my phone, not letting me hang out with my friends and everything. So that meant a lot to me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:32]:
And Matt, I guess, take me back to that point for you, because I know you had your own journey as a youth and went through your own stuff. And we talked about, we talked about a lot of that in the first interview that we did. So talk to me about that for you and hearing that from Olivia and how you had to be able to kind of take what you learned to be able to help her?

Matt Haviland [00:03:57]:
Yeah, I was very grateful for a lot of the experiences that I had, not only personally but also professionally or through mentorship as well. I guess where I can go with that, Chris, is Olivia was born when I was 30 years old, so I wasn’t super young. So by the time she’s in high school, you know, I’m in my mid-40s. I would like to say I’ve learned a few things over those 14 or 15 years of parenting her, but I also Just like a lot of people, either parents or— I, I work with fathers also in a professional setting. You know, we learn a lot from our own previous experiences. So the things my own parents did or did not do, so learning how to correct that and apply that as much as possible. Plus working in a fatherhood field for so long, I’ve obviously picked up tips, either again things that I’ve taught guys or other men have taught me as well. But it really becomes a lot different instead of me just telling a dad what to do when I actually have to live this out.

Matt Haviland [00:04:54]:
But I think I could attribute a lot of it to— I was at a conference many years ago, probably 2010, 2012, and they revealed a survey result, a national survey, and they said all these teen kids wish their dad would fill in the blank. And the number one answer was listen more. And that was something that, just like Olivia just said, instead of flying off the handle, telling her how much trouble she’s in, let me hear her out first.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:18]:
Yeah.

Matt Haviland [00:05:19]:
And then we can go from there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:20]:
Now I know that a lot of times, Matt, we as fathers are trying to build those moments, those meaningful moments that connect us with our kids. And what is one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with Olivia and what made it so special?

Matt Haviland [00:05:35]:
Okay, she said the water fight, so clearly that must have been one. It was April Fool’s Day, probably about 4 or 5 years ago. She pranked me in the house and that turned out to a full-blown squirt gun war in the house, actually Super Soakers in the house.

Olivia Haviland [00:05:49]:
Well, I pranked him once and then he forgot to take the tape off the faucet and pranked himself again.

Matt Haviland [00:05:55]:
Yeah, she did the old, you know, she tied the rubber band around the sprayer on the kitchen sink. So when I turned on the kitchen sink faucet, it hit me, and then I shut it off and hit myself again. And yes, that is a very— we’re gonna remember that forever, having a squirt gun fight in the house. Not recommended. My wife had something to say about it when she got home, but it was very meaningful. Another really meaningful moment on a more emotional level was a couple years ago, Olivia wrote a paper for college, and they were to choose somebody that’s inspired them inspired them, and she wrote the paper about me. And it starts out with the words, I am who I am today because of my dad. And I don’t think, Christopher, I don’t think there’s any greater words that a parent can hear than something like that.

Matt Haviland [00:06:34]:
And she went on to say a lot of like what she just said about me being there and communicating with her mom and just so many other things. So that was a special moment. The fact that of all the times I’ve screwed up as a dad over, at that point, over 18 years, and then just to receive the gift like that that says, no, Dad, you did a lot of screwing up, but you did it right as well. And Really, that meant so much. To this day, there’s no greater gift I’ve ever been given than that paper.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:59]:
And Olivia, what are some things that you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Olivia Haviland [00:07:05]:
I don’t know. I can’t really think of much because from our situation of like me growing up, it was really hard to make time to see me and everything, but he was doing all that he could. From what I noticed, I would just say maybe less of the dad jokes for sure. On a serious note, I can only flash back to when I was little and I wish he learned to cook more things rather than turkey burger and rice and sometimes mac and cheese.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:34]:
That’s fair.

Matt Haviland [00:07:35]:
I was a bachelor for 29 years. Okay, so but just for your audience though, to just kind of backtrack our story, I was a single dad, Olivia’s mom and I never married. So I was a single father for the first 9 years of her life too. So just trying to navigate what that was like raising a child in 2 different homes.

Olivia Haviland [00:07:52]:
Because rules would would be different at my mom’s and then rules would be different here. I would say like not anything that he could do different, but like something I take back is like when we would get in arguments, I would like not talk to him for the rest of the night. But like, he— I’m thankful that you respected my space, but I kind of wish you would have like pushed me a little bit to like talk more. But other than that, I can’t really think of anything.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]:
Now, Matt, all of us are trying to help our daughters to be able to become the people that they’re becoming. Talk to me about how you you balanced guiding Olivia while also giving her the independence to grow into the person that she has become?

Matt Haviland [00:08:31]:
Yeah, speaking from personal experience, so being a single father— and I’ve often defined single dads especially as it could be a man who has full custody, maybe it’s split custody, maybe it’s minimal custody— I would be what was defined as a non-custodial parent, meaning I had less than 50% of the parenting time. Because of that, I was really intentional about the time I had with her. But I think that’s just a good lesson for any parent, is to be intentional intentional. I have the privilege of working with new first-time fathers in some of the work that I do, and I’ll talk to them about making time for their kids. You know, there’s a great quote that says, you’ll never have the time for your kids, you have to make time. There’s no other way. And really putting that into practice, um, you know, you go to parks— and this isn’t to shame anybody listening, but it’s a good reminder— and you’ll see all the parents looking down at their phones while the kids are playing. And it’s about getting engaged in their life.

Matt Haviland [00:09:24]:
And I think for having Olivia, because I didn’t have her all the time. I did not want to take her time— the time with her for granted. But any— even for parents that are raising their kids together in the same household, I mean, the reminder still goes that there’s no greater gift that we can give our kids than our time. And being present isn’t just being in the same room, it’s being, you know, mentally and emotionally present. And I know there’s probably a lot of people that have heard that before, but I think it’s true. I mean, just to be there, to be involved with raising kids— yes, you’re going to have the serious moments, But then also, it’s just kind of spending time together. Maybe it’s going for a walk, and maybe at first it’s a goofy conversation, or, or it’s, uh, it gets more serious. When I had Olivia, the average drive home to her mom was about 15 or 20 minutes each way.

Matt Haviland [00:10:09]:
So every time I picked her up, I mean, that’s 20 minutes of car time that we can kind of talk a little bit. So I think it was not just anything one specific, but it was just that continual over and over and over for 18 years of trying to be as intentional as I can, listening to her, correcting mistakes when I, I can, and then Everybody will say it, she is a carbon copy of me. She is literally— I mean, she’s cuter than me, but just, I mean, personality-wise, she is a carbon copy.

Olivia Haviland [00:10:36]:
We stand the same.

Matt Haviland [00:10:37]:
Yeah, our mannerisms are all the same. But really understanding that too, that I’m looking in a mirror here. So when I am raising her, disciplining her, engaging with her, how would I react to that as well?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:49]:
And speaking to that, Olivia, how has your relationship with your dad influenced the way in which you navigate life, relationships, or challenges? challenges today?

Olivia Haviland [00:10:59]:
Um, I would say, I mean, definitely he— I obviously wasn’t alive, but he did struggle when he was a teenager and in his 20s. And I feel like when I got into that point, when I was getting in some trouble my sophomore year of high school and everything, just like for him to know exactly what it was like to do the same things helped him guide me out of it instead of, like I said earlier, yelling at me, screaming at me. He would actually like hear me out and be like, hey, I was in your position once and this is how I got through it. But he would also always bring faith into it and keep me strong in my faith. Like he would always end a conversation with a Bible verse or bring in a passage or a verse just to help me through something.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:47]:
Now, Matt, we talked about— Olivia’s just talking about some challenging times, and all of us go through those challenging times as we’re raising kids. There’s great times and there’s where you might hit rock bottom as well. And what are some intentional ways that you worked to strengthen your bond with Olivia, especially during those challenging times?

Matt Haviland [00:12:05]:
I’ve always had, since I’ve become a dad, and I am one to really— I’m a huge advocate for everyone to have a mentor. You know, I’ve always had a mentor. I wasn’t raised in a two-parent home. My parents were never married. My dad was minimally engaged in my life. So not having that strong father figure in my life, growing up and understanding what that’s like. But when I did become a dad, I’ve always had strong mentor men in my life in various capacities. Some might be in work, some might be in parenting, or whatever it may be.

Matt Haviland [00:12:38]:
So I think being able to talk it through with a mentor who also was a father, and maybe even perhaps depending on who it was, a grandfather— so a mentor just being somebody that’s a little older and has more experience And hearing that out. And Chris, there was a ton of mistakes along the way. I mean, I’m not going to lie. There was— I’ve had some really bad moments as parents, never in a, like, an abusive way or anything, but where I really dropped the ball. And just understand, I don’t ever want to feel like that again. Apologizing to her, admitting that I screwed up and doing my best not to go through that again. But by the time she was really struggling, especially in the late middle school, early high school years, again, by this point, I’m in my mid-40s. I had been parenting her for a long time.

Matt Haviland [00:13:22]:
So, I knew Olivia. I was able to read her cues. And, I understand that might be a little different in every family dynamic, but I was able to read her cues. And, the girl talks all the time. So, when Olivia’s quiet, there’s obviously there’s something going on. And, like she said, I mean, I was in some— my teen and 20s were some pretty dark years in my life and never wanting her to go through that. I struggled with substance abuse and a lot of other I didn’t go that far. No, but I’m just saying I didn’t want you to go that far.

Matt Haviland [00:13:53]:
So being able to kind of curb that beforehand. But there’s always— I think there also was a special bond. And again, this isn’t to take away from anybody in other family dynamics, but because I was a single father, when I had Olivia, it was me and Olivia. So for 9 years, it was just us. We were like a team, you know? And just to be able to read— and I mean, she’s my heart, and I wanted to in so many ways, give her what I was never given from an upbringing even though it wasn’t perfect because she was still being raised in 2 different homes. But nonetheless, giving her the holidays or the Christmases or the love—

Olivia Haviland [00:14:28]:
Dance recitals and games.

Matt Haviland [00:14:29]:
Yeah, attending. My dad made 2 of my baseball games over 12 years. And, I was at almost every game I could make for her or her dance recitals and understanding how important that is for her to look out in the crowd And to see me there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:41]:
You know, Olivia, earlier I asked your dad about how he worked to be able to provide you with that independence that you needed. Talk to me on your side of how your dad encouraged you to be confident and independent in your life.

Olivia Haviland [00:14:56]:
I would say he’s always been my biggest cheerleader, even if it’s loud and obnoxious at my games. Or there was one time he was saying how much he loved me in the middle of McDonald’s, just screaming it.

Matt Haviland [00:15:09]:
On purpose.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:10]:
On purpose.

Matt Haviland [00:15:11]:
To embarrass her on purpose.

Olivia Haviland [00:15:12]:
But I would say, like, he’s always been like, he’ll send me a, hey, good morning, I hope you have an amazing day. It’s not every day, but I think that’s what makes it more special is that it’ll be like out of the blue or it’ll be like a Bible verse or like I’ll tell him, I’m like, hey, I had a really bad day today. And then he’ll send me a Bible verse or be like, hey, I have time to call. I would say that’s really encouraging. And then also just like, you know, I’ll be at work and then he’ll show up and bring Dunkin’ or Subway, just like showing that even like if he can see me for 5 minutes, like it still matters. So that means a lot to me too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:51]:
And Matt, we talked before we started today about what Olivia is doing and she’s working in healthcare right now. And I guess as you have been fathering Olivia, how do you support Olivia in pursuing her passions and her dreams?

Matt Haviland [00:16:04]:
Great question. I, first of all, I’m very impressed because Olivia has a career focus already at 20. And I know that’s not rare, but I, at 20, I mean, I was completely in the opposite direction. So I’m already just so proud of her because, I mean, she is very motivated, she’s very determined, she has an excellent work ethic. I mean, she works hard and she really respects the job that she has, even if she doesn’t like it a lot. So, so to encourage her again— Yeah, she likes her job right now, so that’s good. But to encourage her, I would say again, just listening, kind of maybe as she’s talking, processing, like, okay, what’s this going to look like in your life? Is this going to require more schooling? Sometimes I ask her questions like, how do you see this playing out long-term? If you want to get advanced in your career, what’s that going to look like? How’s that going to affect the other areas of your life? And kind of just helping her think through. You know, she doesn’t have all the weight that, you know, we as adults have right now, you know, carrying a lot of mortgages or payments or, you know, other bigger obligations.

Matt Haviland [00:17:09]:
Not to minimize what she’s doing, but—

Olivia Haviland [00:17:10]:
Right.

Matt Haviland [00:17:11]:
But she has some opportunity and some room right now to really dream, like, hey, what do I want to do for a career? And if I do change my career, that’s okay. But she has tremendous skills. I think that’s one thing, is to let her know what skills she has. She’s definitely a people person. She has a hard work ethic. She’s a great communicator. So just kind of saying, hey, these are the things you’re really good at. So where would that fit for you in your career field?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:35]:
And Olivia, if you could spend an entire day with your dad doing anything, what would it look like?

Olivia Haviland [00:17:39]:
Oh, no. No signs, no dad jokes. That would be—

Matt Haviland [00:17:44]:
You gotta explain the signs.

Olivia Haviland [00:17:46]:
He is obsessed. I will be trying, like, you know, we go to a zoo, I want to see the animals, and he’s like, oh, I want to know where the animals lived, um, where they came from, how old are they, how many, like, claws do they have, how many teeth. Like, it doesn’t matter. Like, I just— I want to see the animals. And it kind of just began as, like, a running joke. Every time he sees a sign, he sends it to me. I reply with, I’m not reading that. But I would say a perfect day, honestly, I love our beach days because he’s very— I mean, we’re like the same person.

Olivia Haviland [00:18:19]:
Like, we don’t want to get out of the water, but we’ve always played stupid games like how many times can we catch the ball in a row throwing trick shots. And then like during COVID we were hitting a ball on our roof with a tennis racket, like, and made that like a whole summer competition. So I would say just like Like little games, like beach day getaway, just the two of us. And then probably Star Wars at the end. Star Wars are an old movie, but something we do like monthly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:48]:
Sounds like a good day. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6, 6 more questions. And I usually ask them just to dads, but I’m gonna ask both of you some different questions or questions for both of you. Uh, first and foremost, Olivia, what’s one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:04]:
Comforting.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:05]:
And Matt, what’s your word?

Matt Haviland [00:19:06]:
I’d say solid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:07]:
And Matt, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Matt Haviland [00:19:12]:
I think it’s honestly, it’s been in multiple forms and it’s what I’ve already mentioned. It’s just spending time with them. Other things can wait. And I’ve heard a million different quotes in that way, but it all boils down to spending undivided, just they got my attention or she has my attention. Everything else can wait and it’s just our time. So yeah, time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:33]:
And Olivia, what’s the best piece of dad advice you’ve ever received?

Olivia Haviland [00:19:37]:
I would honestly say, like, like he said earlier, the, like, talking me through it. Where can you see yourself from this? Let’s, you know, visualize what even is it gonna look like in a month versus 5 years. And I would say that’s gotten me a lot of places because before I make decisions now, I always, like, stop and think, like, hey, like, I may like it right now, but in 3 months, am I gonna like what I’m doing? In a year, am I gonna like what I’m doing? Am I gonna wanna be doing this when I’m older?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:06]:
Yeah.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:06]:
I’m 60 or 70 years old kind of thing. So I would say that’s gotten me far in a lot of places.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:12]:
Matt, what’s one activity that you and Olivia love doing together?

Matt Haviland [00:20:15]:
You’re gonna appreciate this one, Christopher. Going to University of Michigan football games.

Musical Outro Performer [00:20:20]:
Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]:
And I’m gonna throw it back to you too, Olivia. And it doesn’t have to be the same thing. It’d be something different.

Olivia Haviland [00:20:25]:
Daddy-daughter dances or like donuts with dad or anything that’s like one-on-one mini golf, golf, and football games, definitely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:33]:
Matt, if you could give Olivia one life lesson in a single sentence, What would it be?

Matt Haviland [00:20:37]:
Love God, love others.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:38]:
And Matt, what’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Matt Haviland [00:20:42]:
I think—

Olivia Haviland [00:20:43]:
The girl version of you.

Matt Haviland [00:20:45]:
That too. But I would say since becoming a dad, I think you learn how the word selfish feels strong, but I don’t think it’s out of line of when it’s just us. But when it was just me as a single dad or a single man versus becoming a father, it was all about me. I tell my new guys, I think I think being a parent drives you to a level of commitment to your children that would not be attained any other way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:09]:
And Olivia, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Olivia Haviland [00:21:16]:
I would say put aside anything that can wait, and then also listen before either conversating or just listen to the full story instead of, like, interrupting, getting down to the point.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:32]:
And Matt?

Matt Haviland [00:21:32]:
Yeah, I think it’s so important to live out your values and what’s important to your family. We have a culture that is in many ways just so antagonistic and assaulting our daughters, and to be able to speak against that, letting our daughters know how beautiful they are, how valued they are, their virtue, their beauty, their tenderness. And this is an appropriate conversation for whether you’re raising a 5-year-old or a 20-year-old as well.

Olivia Haviland [00:21:58]:
I would also always say time over items too, because I know A lot of my friends’ parents will be like at work because they work third shift or something. They’ll be like, here’s money to go get something because I didn’t see you all day, or here’s money because I yelled at you kind of thing, instead of just sitting down, actually talking everything out. It helps grow a relationship too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:20]:
Well, Matt, Olivia, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for spending time with me today, for sharing your journey in your own relationship. Matt is an author as well, and I should mention that he did write a book a number of years back called A Father’s Walk, a Christian-based resource for single fathers. And if people want to find out more about you, Matt, and what you’re doing, where should they go?

Matt Haviland [00:22:43]:
I don’t have a website, but you can email me. I’m completely open to that. My email is afatherswalk@gmail.com. That’s a fathers with an S on the end, walk at Gmail.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:54]:
Well, again, I want to say thank you. Thank you to both of you for your time, for sharing your And I wish you both all the best.

Matt Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thanks, Christopher.

Olivia Haviland [00:23:01]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:02]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:33]:
We’re all in the same boat and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons. We make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

The post Building Stronger Bonds: Matt Haviland and his Daughter Olivia’s Father-Daughter Journey appeared first on Dad of Divas.

Build a Weekly Plan That Leaves Breathing Room

This puts you back in control of the week by choosing what truly matters, setting clear limits, and protecting real downtime. It helps everyday families reduce last-minute scrambling while making space for rest, play, and connection.

1. List every commitment and name your top priorities
   Start with a full brain-dump of school needs, practices, lessons, chores, and family obligations. Then circle your child’s top 2 to 3 “must-keep” activities for this season and write why they matter (skill-building, joy, friendships, or family values). Keeping priorities visible makes later decisions feel fair, not random.
2. Set a simple extracurricular limit for this season
   Choose a cap that matches your family’s capacity, such as “one sport plus one other activity,” or “no more than three after-school days booked.” If you need a tie-breaker, favor activities that best support your priorities and drop or pause the ones that add stress without enough payoff.
3. Run one shared family calendar with one weekly check-in
   Pick a single calendar that everyone can see, and put every repeating item on it, including pickup times and travel buffers. Add a 10-minute weekly check-in to confirm who is doing which rides and what needs to move. Consistent parent coordination matters, and parental involvement is linked with better long-term outcomes.
4. Block downtime first, then schedule the rest around it
   Choose 2 to 4 downtime blocks for the week and label them clearly (free play, reading, walk, quiet time). Treat these blocks like appointments so they do not get swallowed by “just one more thing.” Since children watch TV so often on typical days, planning for offline downtime helps rest feel intentional, not accidental.
5. Review the week using a quick “stress test” and adjust
   Scan each day for tight turnarounds, late nights, or more than one demanding commitment in a row. If a day fails the stress test, fix it immediately by swapping, shortening, carpooling, or declining something. Small adjustments each week prevent overload from becoming the new normal.

Turn Downtime Into a Simple At-Home Creative Project

Once you’ve protected a little breathing room in the week, it helps to have a calm, low-pressure option ready so free time doesn’t automatically turn into “more activities.” Encouraging kids to use creative digital tools during downtime can give them something engaging to do without making their schedule feel even more structured. AI animation generators let children transform text prompts, images, or their own imaginative ideas into animated scenes and short videos, which can be a fun way to experiment with storytelling and self-expression. Tools like Adobe Firefly’s AI animation creator make it possible to turn a small spark, one character, one setting, one silly “what if?”, into a simple animation that feels both productive and relaxing.

Because the goal is unwinding, keep the project light: the act of playing with visuals, movement, and narrative can become a satisfying outlet for imagination without the pressure of performance. Over time, these small creative projects can help kids decompress, explore what they’re interested in, and maintain a healthier balance between their commitments and the open-ended time that lets them recharge.

A Simple Weekly Rhythm That Keeps Plans in Check

This quick routine keeps your calendar from slowly filling back up while still leaving room for fun. It also makes scheduled conversations predictable, so you are not renegotiating every day. Use it as a lightweight loop: review, choose, adjust, and reset.

Because each stage feeds the next, you stay proactive without micromanaging. Capturing and blocking reveal what is realistic, choosing creates breathing room, and adjusting keeps you responsive to real life.

Common Questions About Kids’ Schedules

Q: How do I balance schoolwork with sports, clubs, and friends?
A: Put school, sleep, meals, and homework time on the calendar first, then add activities around those anchors. If homework is consistently pushing late, trim one commitment for two weeks and reassess. Aim for consistency on weeknights and more flexibility on weekends.

Q: What are the clearest signs my child is overscheduled?
A: Watch for more meltdowns, frequent complaints of headaches or stomachaches, trouble falling asleep, or sudden drops in motivation. Another clue is when every transition becomes a fight because there is no buffer. Treat these as data, not drama, and lighten the load quickly.

Q: How can I cancel plans without feeling like the “bad guy”?
A: Use a calm, steady script: “We are protecting rest this week, so we are skipping this one.” Add a short apology if you overbooked, because we all make mistakes and kids learn from that honesty. Then offer a replacement: “Let’s pick one fun thing for Saturday.”

Q: When should I push through a busy week versus pulling back?
A: Push through when it is temporary and your child is coping well with sleep, mood, and school. Pull back when stress is stacking for more than a few days or your family is snapping at each other over small things. Reducing one obligation now often prevents bigger problems later.

Q: Can I change the plan if another parent or caregiver disagrees?
A: Yes, but communicate early and focus on the child’s needs, not who is “right.” Suggest a concrete alternative like swapping days or choosing one priority activity, and keep the tone respectful. When co-parenting is the situation, clear, shared expectations reduce last-minute conflict.

Protecting Downtime While Keeping Kids’ Schedules Sustainable

When every week is packed with school, practices, and plans, family time turns into logistics and kids carry more stress than fun. The goal is a balanced mindset: set clear priorities, use a simple calendar check, implement activity limits, and protect scheduled downtime as a non-negotiable part of maintaining healthy routines. Over time, this approach creates more predictable days, calmer transitions, and space for connection without sacrificing what matters most. If the calendar leaves no breathing room, the schedule is too full. Choose one change this week, do a calendar reset or set one activity cap, and keep that boundary steady for a month. That breathing room builds resilience, stronger relationships, and healthier long-term habits for everyone.

The post How to Balance Kids’ Busy Schedules for More Fun and Less Stress appeared first on Dad of Divas.

Twenty-five years ago today, our nation experienced a tragedy that changed us forever.

For those of us who lived through September 11, 2001, the memories of that day remain remarkably vivid. We remember where we were, who we were with, and the disbelief we felt as we watched events unfold in New York City, at the Pentagon, and in a field near Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

I remember being in my office at the university where I was working as a Student Affairs professional. I received a call telling me to turn on the news because a plane had struck one of the Twin Towers. At that moment, none of us understood what was actually happening.

I joined colleagues around a television in our office, and together we watched the unimaginable unfold. There was shock. There was confusion. There was an overwhelming sense of helplessness as we realized the magnitude of what was happening and the tremendous loss of life occurring before our eyes.

A few days later, September 11 became even more personal for our family.

The Saturday before the attacks, my wife and I attended the wedding of one of her high school friends. It was a wonderful celebration filled with the kind of happiness, laughter, and promise that accompanies a wedding. During the ceremony, we met Kelly Ann Booms, a friend of the bride who was sitting in front of us.

Kelly mentioned that she needed to return to Boston because she was leaving early Tuesday morning for a business trip to Los Angeles.

That Tuesday was September 11.

Later that week, we learned that Kelly was a passenger aboard American Airlines Flight 11, the first plane to strike the World Trade Center.

Suddenly, one of the thousands of names we would hear associated with September 11 was someone we had just met. Someone we had talked with. Someone who had plans for Tuesday and for all the Tuesdays that should have followed.

That is something I think about every September 11.

Nearly 3,000 people lost their lives that day. Behind that number were thousands of individual stories—parents, spouses, sons and daughters, siblings, friends, coworkers, first responders, and people simply going about an ordinary Tuesday morning.

They had meetings to attend, children to pick up, phone calls to return, vacations to take, birthdays to celebrate, and lives still to live.

Kelly was one of them.

Twenty-five years later, fewer and fewer people can say they personally remember September 11. An entire generation has now grown up knowing the events only through history books, documentaries, photographs, and the stories told by those who were there.

That makes remembering even more important.

We remember the horror of what happened, but we should also remember the humanity—the courage of first responders who ran toward danger, the passengers and crew of Flight 93 who acted knowing the risks, the countless acts of kindness that followed, and the families who have carried the loss of loved ones for a quarter century.

Most importantly, we remember the people.

Today, I remember Kelly Ann Booms.

I remember the brief conversation we shared just days before her life was taken. And I remember the thousands of others whose families have lived every day since September 11 with an empty chair, a missing voice, and memories of someone they loved.

Twenty-five years later, may we continue to say their names, tell their stories, and ensure that those who come after us understand not simply what happened on September 11, 2001, but who we

• What are your memories of this event in our collective history?
• How will you tell your children about this event in the future?

The post 9-11 – Remembering The Day 25 Years Later appeared first on Dad of Divas.

Intentionality and Presence
From the very start, Dr. Christopher Lewis sets the tone: fatherhood isn’t about achieving perfection, but about truly connecting and learning as you go. Each week, the podcast dives into stories and practical advice to help dads show up with intention. As John Azoni shares, “There’s no one right way to father our daughters,” but we can always add new tools to our toolbox by learning from each other.

Creating Meaningful Memories
A standout theme of this episode is making memories, both big and small. John Azoni recounts an unforgettable trip to Japan with his daughter for her 10th birthday—a tradition inspired by a parenting book. But the heart of the conversation reveals that it’s often the simplest moments, like cooking together or going for wonton soup every Thursday, that mean the most. One-on-one time, even a half hour at bedtime, can become the foundation for lifelong connections.

Honesty, Growth, and Mistakes
Both John Azoni and Dr. Christopher Lewis candidly discuss the challenges—especially during difficult times like COVID or navigating questions around faith. John Azoni is honest about making mistakes, from losing patience to not always having the answers. The key lesson? “I make a lot of mistakes and I’ve learned to be okay with that… I want my kids to grow up and know their dad was crazy about them.”

Encouragement to Other Dads
The episode wraps with powerful advice: Be intentional. Don’t let stress distract you from what really matters. As John Azoni puts it, “The grass is greener where you water it”—the relationships you invest in now will shape the future.

If you’re a dad, or know someone who is, this episode is a must-listen. It’s a heartfelt reminder that showing up, being present, and embracing imperfection are the real keys to building an unbreakable bond with your daughter.

Listen to the full episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection to get inspired and start your journey toward a stronger relationship today!

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]:
Welcome to The Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]:
If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and The Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we’ll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let’s get started, because being a great dad isn’t just about being there, it’s about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect with one another and work on building those that we want with our daughters one day at a time. I love that you come back every week because all of us are on a journey. Whether you have toddlers, whether you have a baby at home, whether you have teenagers at home, whether you have adult kids, we all are on this continuum of being a father to a daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:19]:
And we can always learn more. We can always learn more to help us to be able to be better in the role that we have. We’re gonna stumble, we’re gonna fall, That’s okay. All of us do it. There’s no one right way to father our daughters. But what we can do is we can learn from other dads what’s working for them, what’s not working for them, and build some tools for our own toolbox, add some tools for our own toolbox, and be able to get just that much better every day because that’s what we need to be doing. to be able to be there for our daughters. That’s what we need to be doing to be able to be present.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:59]:
And I am really excited to have another new guest this week. John Azoni is with us today, and John’s a father of 2 daughters who are 9 and 11. And we’re gonna be talking about the journey that he’s been on with his daughters. And I’m really excited to have him here today. John, thanks so much for being here.

John Azoni [00:02:15]:
Thanks for having me. It’s great to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:17]:
You know, it’s really, I’m really excited to be able to have you here today and to be able to talk to you about the journey that you have been on thus far with your daughters. And I guess one of the things that I always think about when it comes to raising our daughters is we’re always running after those moments. We want those moments with our kids. And as you think back to the years that you’ve had with your daughters thus far, what’s one of the most meaningful moments that you’ve been able to share with them and what made it so special? And one thing I’ll add is they could be separate moments as well.

John Azoni [00:02:49]:
So I read this book a number of years ago called Love Does. The author is Bob Goff and it’s a faith-based book. And in it, he talks a lot about parenting. parenting. And he told the story of taking his kids when they turned 10 on a trip anywhere in the world they want to go to, really leaning into what is it that they are becoming, what is it that they’re interested in, and, and where can we go in the world to kind of deepen that. And so I always thought that that was a cool idea. And my daughter, when she turned 10 last year, my daughter Ellie, in my mind I was kind of like maybe somewhere in the United States. I don’t remember explicitly saying anywhere in the world.

John Azoni [00:03:25]:
So when my daughter was like, I want to go to Japan, I was like, oh, okay. Well, so after a lot of hemming and hawing, I talked to my wife. She’s like, just do it. It’s like once in a lifetime. We’re like, all right, we’re going to Japan. So, so we went to Tokyo last May and it was so cool just to learn about another culture together, to really press into, you know, the stuff that she likes. She’s really into K-pop. It’s obviously not in Korea, but somewhere over there.

John Azoni [00:03:54]:
She’s into that kind of Asian culture and Hello Kitty. And they have the biggest Hello Kitty store in the world there, uh, video games and arcades where she can and do all the— she loves playing those claw games, which are really popular in Asian countries. So, so it was great. I mean, we just traveled around, we ate good food, we went to Paris Disney, um, and just spent a week together. That— and, and even just like, it was a pretty short trip, but— and people were like, well, you’re just going for like 5 days? Like, aren’t you gonna be— I mean, like, a big part of that is just traveling, you know? By the time you get there, I think we had 3 full days there. And I was just like, you know, it’s, it’s the adventure. It’s like traveling is, is part of it. We’re gonna learn how to do the airport together.

John Azoni [00:04:30]:
So on the way there, I kind of led the charge, but on the way back I was like, All right, where do you think we should turn to get to baggage claim or stuff like that? Or where do you think we should go to get our bags checked? So that was fun. And, you know, I’ve had other special experiences with my youngest daughter, Ryland. Currently though, we’re planning her trip. She wants to go to Paris. So we’re planning on going to Paris next year.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:50]:
Those will be experiences that they will never forget. And definitely you don’t have to do these huge moments. They can be small moments as well. But I had an experience like that last year with my oldest who is in college, but she was out in Colorado and I picked her up from a camp she was working in and we spent a week going to all the national parks all around in that area. So we went to Zion and Bryce and Grand Canyon and Petrified Forest, all kinds of places. And we hiked and we just had an amazing experience. And I think when you have those opportunities, not only are they great opportunities to be able to have to build memories, but you have time one-on-one. And I think that’s even more important.

John Azoni [00:05:32]:
Yeah, one-on-one time is really special. So last weekend, my oldest daughter went to Florida with my wife because she does dance, and her dance group went to go perform at Disney in the parade. And so that was just a life dream of hers. And she got this one-on-one time with my wife. And previously, we were kind of like, all right, we’re Disney’d out. We’ve been to Disney World. We’ve been on a Disney cruise. I took Ellie to Disney in Tokyo.

John Azoni [00:05:58]:
And we’ve been to Disneyland when we went to California last year. And my wife was kind of like, all right, this is the last time I got to go to Disney. And then I get a text from her in the middle of it. She’s like, this is so great. It’s such a different experience being one-on-one with Ellie and we’re just having the best time. And at the same time, I’m home with Ryland and we had our own special weekend. We, you know, wrote on the whiteboard, here’s all the things we wanna do and we wanna schedule all these things out. Anytime you can write a list on a whiteboard for my youngest, she’s all about it.

John Azoni [00:06:27]:
She loves to just like have a checklist, have a plan. So one-on-one time is something completely different that you just cannot replace.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:33]:
Now you talked a little bit about on that trip to Tokyo, giving your daughter some independence to be able to make some decisions and things like that. And, and as our kids are getting older, we definitely have to do that. How are you finding that you’re balancing not only guiding your daughters, but also giving them the independence to grow into the people that they’re becoming?

John Azoni [00:06:52]:
Oh, that’s a tough question. I try to lean into who are they and what is, what is my role in this? Like one of the things that I learned about Ellie on that Japan trip is how scrappy she is. And it’s so different for me. Like she has no problem going up and asking a stranger where to get directions. Or one time we were on the bus going somewhere in Tokyo and some lady was lost. And for some reason my daughter stepped in and starts trying to tell her where to go as if she knows where to go. I’m like, Ellie, where do you think you’re sending her? She just wants to get in there. And I’m just very like, I don’t like to be embarrassed.

John Azoni [00:07:27]:
I don’t like to ask for help. I’m a lot more shy, but she kind of lifts me up in that way. I really try to get on that level with her and also just try to let her be who she is and go out into the world and just talk to new people like her mom does. But I think it’s always a challenge where to step in. I think the biggest area that we are struggling with that right now is, is in faith. And I don’t know if you’re a person of faith, but when I got married, my wife and I were both devout Christians. And over the last 5 years, I’ve kind of deconstructed and my faith has evolved in a way— I wouldn’t say I’m not a believer, but I would say like I just have so many questions that I’m allowing myself to ask. And I’m engaging in these conversations with what I grew up believing versus what can be verified and things like that.

John Azoni [00:08:13]:
So I’m kind of down this more scientific path. My wife isn’t. How do we let our kids discover things on their own? And what do we teach them about the world? That’s been really hard because when you’re defining your parenthood around an entire ideology, like a religion, and that’s the lens that you’re giving your kids, and that’s the lens you’re told to give your kids, you’re instructed to teach them in this way. Well, now when you throw questions into the mix, mom and dad have different answers for what do you do? So I think we’ve kind of landed on. We want our kids to think independently. And when one of my kids has a tough question, I’ll say, well, here’s what I think. Here’s what I’m not sure about. Like, here’s what I have questions about.

John Azoni [00:08:55]:
Here’s what your mom thinks. And you can kind of make up your own decision. And that was also never more true in, you know, this most recent election. You know, my oldest had a lot of questions about who was running for president, who was the good guy, and who was the bad guy. And it’s easy to want to pick a side and train your kid on that side. But we really tried to just step back and be like, well, Well, here’s what this side says. Here’s what that side says. What do you think? And so that’s kind of where we’ve landed, I think, giving them some scaffolding, but letting them kind of figure it out themselves.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:26]:
And as you’ve been starting to do that with your daughters, especially around this faith journey, what has their response been?

John Azoni [00:09:33]:
It’s tough because they knew me when we were all praying every night and putting them to bed and going to church all the time and, you know, all this stuff. And so they’ve seen me kind of drift and ask these questions that they look at me as I’m supposed to have the answers To these, you’re supposed to know if if Adam and Eve are real people or not. And so that’s been tough. You know, their response has been honestly one of confusion. I wish I had a glossy answer for you. It’s not gone great. It’s very tough to navigate. And like I said, you know, we just go back to like here’s what two different people can think, and we can hold two different things in tension.

John Azoni [00:10:11]:
And certainly the Bible, there are a lot of instances where the Bible is represented as God holding two. seemingly opposing things in tension together and somehow making it work. So we kind of go with that. But yeah, I wish I could tell you that it’s gone. It’s just been perfect. And they’re— they have all the answers that I don’t have. But anytime you’re trying to sort through something on your own and your kid’s looking to you for the answer, that’s just a tough position to be in.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:36]:
It is a tough place to be because, I mean, you try to have that solid front on everything in parenting because when you don’t have the solid front, then things tend to go awry. So I think what you’re hearing here, though, is that John and his wife still have a solid front, but they’re attacking it in different ways. And they’re providing their kids the ability to be able to move in the direction that makes more sense for them. That doesn’t mean that they’re not in alignment on other things in their parenting journey, though.

John Azoni [00:11:07]:
Yeah, I would liken it to, like, giving them— I mentioned the term scaffolding, and I really like that term. And I would just say, So we’ve just really widened the scaffolding around faith to where we’re still in this box. But what that looks like on a day-to-day basis or on an individual beliefs basis can look different. And 2 people can arrive at different conclusions and still have the same heart.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:31]:
So as you think about your daughters and you think about what you’ve been doing with your daughters, what are some intentional ways that you have worked to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during times that might be more challenging?

John Azoni [00:11:43]:
COVID was a time of obviously being sort of forced into this intentional time. And at first it was very stressful because at the time I had a salaried job and a certain amount of PTO days and I’m a rule follower. So if I say I’m working, but I’m off at the park with the kids, like I don’t, I don’t feel good about that. But like there was all this stuff that you had to do from out of necessity during that time. So it was a stressful time, but it also kind of caused me to be like, let’s really soak this up. And so we did a lot of stuff together as a family, but that actually led me to leave that job. and start my own company, my own video production company. And for a big reason was to be more flexible with them and to be able to be home with them and be there when they need me and not have to worry about PTO.

John Azoni [00:12:28]:
And so that’s opened the doors to a lot of great times where I might be right in the middle of a busy project and I would get a call from the school. And my oldest, Ellie, she was the one that would call home a lot. She would feel a stomachache or something and she’d feel like she needed to go home. And we would have to navigate like a lot of times, like, what is the line that Where Dad will pick you up and where you need to tough it out. But there’s a lot of times where I could have been really stressed about work, but I had to just really be like, you know what, I’m just— I’m gonna go pick her up. I’m gonna be happy about it. I’m gonna have a smile on my face. I’m gonna make her feel like Dad wants to be here.

John Azoni [00:13:01]:
Dad cares about me. He’s not annoyed with me. You know, I think just those small acts have been great. And I remember, you know, other times too, just a lot of our special times revolve around food.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:12]:
Yeah.

John Azoni [00:13:13]:
It seems like every Thursday, a number of years ago when Ellie was in preschool, she would have a half day. And so I’d pick her up and every Thursday we’d go get wonton soup on the way home at this Chinese restaurant. And we learned— Dad stepped out of his comfort zone and learned the owner of the restaurant’s name so that when we called, we can say, hey, Lynn, our usual. She wanted that. Like, that would just be so cool. And so eventually she started calling and being like, hi, Lynn, it’s Ellie, just our usual. And then we’d go pick it up. But we cook a lot together too.

John Azoni [00:13:42]:
My daughters each really enjoy cooking and no matter what we’re making, just spending time together. And that’s where I think one-on-one time is really important because trying to cook with both of them at the same time is just a constant referee of who got to chop what, who got to pour this, who cracked the last egg, you know. So I found just one at a time, we’ll have a great time together, but let’s just, you know. So yeah, I mean, there’s a lot of opportunities, but I think it’s a lot in those small moments where it’s like my natural reaction might be to be stressed or just to be worried about the day-to-day. stuff, but like my daughters are looking to me as like, am I liked? Like, am I loved in this moment? Am I safe in this moment? Does my dad want to be here? And I really try to, to just put on a smile and just be like, you know what, this— because one of the things I say, I started saying since I started my own business was my business is in service of my kids, not in spite of them. And that’s a tough thing to, to stick to because whether or not something gets done has a very real consequences about whether, whether income comes in the door. But, but the reason why I— half the reason I started my own company was to be there for my kids and to not miss this time with them. And so, so yeah, that’s kind of how I think about work and spending time with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:01]:
All of us as dads, we’re not perfect. We make mistakes. And while we try our best to be the best we can, we’re going to make mistakes. We’re fallible. We’re humans. What’s a mistake that you made as a father? And what did What did it do, or what did you learn from it about fostering positive communication and connection with your daughters?

John Azoni [00:15:20]:
I think it’s a pattern of mistakes. And when I get overstimulated, when there’s too many people talking to me at once, I get immediate, like 0 to 100 stressed out. And that’s— I’m so likely to just lash out and like snap and say something, tell them to be quiet, but in a rude way that we’re not allowed to say. So that’s where it’s such a tension of like, because they’re both in the back talking like peak back-talking phase. And honestly, my youngest is the most cutting about it. I mean, she will just go right for the jugular. And they talk back usually as a reaction and not as a response, like not as an intentional response. So when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed and I lash out, I’m not doing any service to them.

John Azoni [00:16:06]:
It’s very hypocritical to tell them that’s not how we talk to people. And then just in a, in a different way or a different use of words, I do the same thing. So I think that’s— I think we’re all learning together. How to regulate ourselves. My wife is a therapist, and so we’ve learned a lot about the concept of regulation, and we’ve read a lot of parenting books about when your kids make you mad or something, or they say something completely disrespectful, they’re dysregulated. They’re not really choosing that response. And so your job as a parent is to be the one that regulates, not escalates. And so that’s— that is the toughest thing for me, like— I have to really think I’m feeling myself escalating this situation and I need to be the, I need to be the regulator.

John Azoni [00:16:50]:
So I don’t know if that answers your question, but that’s just a slurry of thoughts of, of communication between me and my kids.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:58]:
No, I appreciate you sharing that because I think it is important to understand that that happens. I mean, and we’re going to, things are going to adjust and, you know, and all of us get overwhelmed at times. And especially these days, there’s so many things being thrown at every one of us. And whether it’s technology, whether it’s, you know, whatever, there are so many things that are being thrown at each one of us, not only us, but our kids, etc. So it is important to know that. And then finding ways to be able to quiet the noise, not only for ourselves, but quiet the noise for our kids, I think is also important as we think about our— the way in which we’re fathering. Because if we know— if you know that you’re triggered when that happens, you have to figure out for yourself, and you’ve probably already done that, is What can you do to quiet the noise so that you can continue being present and continue, continue being who you want to be with your daughters?

John Azoni [00:17:51]:
Yeah, absolutely.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:52]:
So there’s been a lot of things that you’ve talked about where you’re showing that you’re doing some intentional things to really connect with your daughters. What do you do intentionally to make your daughters feel valued and heard?

John Azoni [00:18:04]:
I think it’s just trying to get on their level and care about the things that they care about. My youngest, it’s always was so funny, and we, my wife and I laugh about this. We would pick her up from daycare when she was younger, you know, 3, 4 years old. And that could be a very stressful moment because we’re also picking up my oldest from daycare and she’s wanting to do something. Can we go out for ice cream? Or when’s mom going to be home? Blah, blah, blah. And again, too many people talking to me at once. And my youngest, all she wants to do in that moment is show me the drawings that she made and show me the little worksheets that she did. And it’s so important to her.

John Azoni [00:18:38]:
And she feels, you can just see the receiving of love when you look at her and you care about what she wrote, that she wrote her name or that she did something, that she wrote, she counted to 10 or whatever it is. And so, I mean, we have stacks and stacks of paper because that behavior has never stopped. She’s almost 9 and she still to this day wants to show us everything. She went to this art camp a couple weeks ago, made all kinds of art. And the first thing she wants to do when we get in the car is like, Dad, let me show you what I made. And it’s so important that I give her my full attention. And I can get on board with that because I’m— my background’s in fine arts. I’m a painter.

John Azoni [00:19:14]:
So I went to art school and all that stuff. So that’s a perfect thing for me to like get on board with. I think just, yeah, finding in those moments, what are they really trying to say right now? What they’re really trying to say is, Dad, I want to connect with you. Not like, not necessarily about the papers or the drawings or whatever. And I find that with my oldest too. She’s starting to outgrow like bedtime, but she still wants me to put her to bed. And, you know, and I’m kind of just like clinging to that for as long as possible. And we just have the best talks.

John Azoni [00:19:43]:
Like, there’s just no greater conversation than when we’re just— I’m just laying in her bed with her next to her and we’re just, just talking about whatever, just laughing about things. I mean, so much laughter happens in those moments. And I listen when I’m putting my other daughter to bed, my wife’s putting Ellie to bed, I hear them cracking up too because they just get into the funniest, you know, they just become a new person. They feel so safe. And so I think just being intentional about those moments, because sometimes I’m like, I’m tired, it’s 9:30, I got to get up at 5 in the morning. I don’t want to spend a half an hour, you know, laying, laying with you and waiting for you to brush your teeth and waiting for you to put your pajamas on. And it’s getting towards 10 o’clock now. And so I try, but I try to really push that aside and say, hey, she’s, she’s not going to ask me to do this for much longer.

John Azoni [00:20:29]:
And in 5 years, I’m going to miss any, any attention she gave me, like her wanting to actually hang out with me, because it’s going to be the other way around. So, so I think it’s just, I think it’s just recognizing in those moments what’s really most important and then just leaning into that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:45]:
Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection 6. 6 more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:52]:
Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:53]:
What’s one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:56]:
Humor.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:57]:
What’s the best piece of dad advice that you ever received?

John Azoni [00:21:02]:
It’s probably from when you’re walking around a grocery store and you get like a whole stream of like elderly men that will say, I remember when my daughter was that age and then she started driving the next day. Like, don’t miss it. I really actually took advice to heart, like what I just said. I’m like, there’s gonna be a time when they’re not gonna want to hang out with me, so don’t miss it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:20]:
What’s one activity you and your daughters love doing together?

John Azoni [00:21:24]:
Cooking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:25]:
If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

John Azoni [00:21:30]:
I think just don’t change for other people. Don’t be the person that you’re with. I think like maybe girls especially start dating and things like that, they want to change to be liked and to impress and things like that. And so I think my advice would just be to just be yourself and be What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since becoming a dad? I have learned, I have learned that I make a lot of mistakes and I’ve learned to be okay with that. I just want my kids to grow up and know that their dad was crazy about them. And for all my flaws, I want them to— I watched this video one time. It was my boss’s. We did a story on my boss at the time at my old job, his family.

John Azoni [00:22:11]:
And we interviewed his wife and they were talking about her parents and they asked her, what’s your favorite thing about your dad? And she said, said how much he loves me. And she started crying. And I edited that video. So of course, I’m like, I’m like tearing up and like, you know, you got the music going and stuff like that in the edit, in the video edit. So, but I’ve always kept that with me as like, that’s like my mantra as a dad. Like, I’m gonna mess up, but like, I want my kids to, to really feel and be imprinted with how like crazy I am about them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:39]:
And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

John Azoni [00:22:48]:
I think it’s just being really intentional with them. I think for me, I just think about, it’s like we have 18 years if we’re lucky, and I want to build as many memories with them as possible. And I don’t want to waste this being stressed about stuff that’s just not going to matter in 50 years. And so, and I think about it the same way of like marriage advice. People contrast the saying of the grass is greener on the other side. side with, with saying the grass is greener where you water it. And I like that about marriage. And that’s something that I keep in my mind.

John Azoni [00:23:20]:
But I also think that that applies to kids too. I mean, the type of relationship that you’re going to have with your kids now and when they’re older is determined by how intentional you are in these early years and just watering that grass.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:34]:
Well, John, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing what you shared with the journey that you’ve gone through. If people want to find out more about you, I know you got a podcast. Is there a place that people can go to find out more?

John Azoni [00:23:46]:
Yeah, I’m very active on LinkedIn. My name’s spelled J-O-H-N-A-Z-O-N-I if you’re searching for me. That’s probably where I hang out the most, on LinkedIn. I don’t post a whole lot of family stuff, but once in a while you might get some sort of business advice through the lens of being a dad to 2 girls.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]:
Well, again, John, thank you so much for being here, and I wish you all the best.

John Azoni [00:24:03]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:03]:
That’s a wrap for this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don’t forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:24:34]:
We’re all in the same boat. And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. So bring your A-game, ’cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, Carpenters and muscle men, get out and be in the world too now. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

The post Building Lasting Bonds: Intentional Fatherhood with John Azoni appeared first on Dad of Divas.