Memoirs of a Dada Drummer

Stupid Sh*t

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 19:46:00 +0000

I have no words for how stupid this is. Perhaps you can help me out...

Stupid things YOU did in 2010

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 03:31:00 +0000

I have been watching you and I have a few complaints. Here is my short list of stupid things you did in 2010.

* Watched TITANIC on TBS.

* Said the word "jeggings" in context.

* Worn your slippers to the grocery store.

* Told a new mother that her baby's ridiculous name sounded "special."

* Thought to yourself, "That Joel Osteen seems to have some pretty sound ideas."

* Forwarded an e-mail about how Obama might not be a legal citizen of the United States.

* Eaten a McFlurry.

* Been concerned that you should have a larger television.

* Admired a Thomas Kinkaid print at Mardels.

* Considered purchasing "Pajama Jeans"

See if you can work a little harder on this in 2011. Thanks.

On Mardel...from Special K

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 01:20:00 +0000

"You know what I hate about Mardel. All the virgins. Old virgins make me nervous." -- Special K

(Just for the record, this is why the Drummer hates Mardel.)

The Wrong Movie

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 02:05:00 +0000

From time to time the Dada Drummer is forced to correct her fellow Americans when they incorrectly call a movie "good." I know this has come up here at the Memoirs before. Oscar season seems to intensify such episodes. So, once again, here is a partial list of stupid movies you may have made the mistake of liking.

I call the list, simply, "No. You're wrong. That's NOT a good movie."

STEP MOM
PEARL HARBOR
KING KONG (w/Jack Black)
THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG
FORREST GUMP
LITTLE WOMEN (w/Winona Ryder)
SCENT OF A WOMAN
AS GOOD AS IT GETS
THE PATRIOT
BRAVE HEART
HOOK
TITANIC

I provide this as a public service. You don't have to thank me. I'm just glad to help.

Not Good News For Me

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:52:00 +0000

Created by Oatmeal

Last name MESS, WHORE, or PORN?

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 02:15:00 +0000

I think I have found the worst name I will see in all of 2010. Is it too early to call it? No!

Ready?

TRANNIE

I am told by my kid (who actually KNOWS THIS PERSON) that it is pronounced TRAIN-EE.

No, sweetie. Sorry. It's TRAN-NEE. You know, as in "hott tranny mess," "big tranny whore," and "scary tranny porn."

Do you think Mama and Pappa settled on the name because they were old fashioned and didn't want to know if baby was a boy or girl....EVER!

Better than Dada

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 19:43:00 +0000

You know what's better than Dada.

Nothing.

People Who Make Me Crazy: Episode 1 of a multi-part series

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:27:00 +0000

You know who makes me crazy!? Well, lots of people, frankly. But right near the top of that rather lengthy list is Samantha Harris--the single WORST host on television today. She's the side kick the ineffable--and nonstupid--DANCING WITH THE STARS host Tom Bergeron. Samantha Harris stands next to Tom, wearing fancy dresses, and clumsily throwing to the next bit of the show. That seems really unnecessary and old fashioned, but its not why I can't stand her. What makes me nuts is when she interviews the dancers waiting for their scores. Samantha Harris routinely offers stupid, incomprehensible, and clumsy commentary. How has this woman not lost her job already? I know she's cute (good heaven's she has great arms!) but come on. My boxer dog could improvise better segue's than this gal.

Whenever Special K and I watch DANCING WITH THE STARS--which, who are we kidding, is every time its on--I insist on repeating every awful thing she says. Usually in a voice intended to emphasize her stupidity. This has recently led Special K to ask me to, "Back off."

What is this instinct to protect Samantha Harris from the Drummer's snark? Why is he running to her defense? Is Special K perchance mesmerized by her many wardrobe changes a night? Is it the arms? I am left to wonder.....

Sparrow is a Girl's name!

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 20:05:00 +0000

I don' t know why everyone assumes the Dada Drummer would hate the name Sparrow James Midnight. It's classic. The only problem with Nicole Richie's baby name is that she got the gender confused. While Midnight is way masculine, Sparrow is clearly a girl's name. To help other tryndee namers out there looking to ride this style wave, the Dada Drummer offers this handy guide to Bird Names for the Modern Baby:

GIRLS

Chickadee

Dove

Falcon

Heron

Kestrel

Kiskadee

Rail

Sandpiper

Sparrow

Swan

Warbler

Wren

BOYS

Cormorant

Curlew

Eagle

Finch

Grebe

Gull

Osprey

Owl

Pelican

Peregrine

Plover

Quail

Willet

UNISEX

Albatross

Cardinal

Dodo

Dunlin

Hawk
Tern

Verdin

I'm not making this up

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:17:00 +0000

THIS JUST IN

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have named their new baby boy
Sparrow James Midnight Madden.

Which is weird because MY new baby is named
Pirate Richard Twilight Drummer.

Coincidence? I don't think so.

11th Stupid Thing

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 03:12:00 +0000

Booger Posters

(who knew this was an international epidemic!)

A Bucket List

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 02:31:00 +0000

No, this is not a list of things I want to do before I kick the bucket. This is a list things that belong in a bucket. Of crap.

I have posted here in the past about the Enemy and the Preoccupations he sends to distract us from Real Life. The Enemy, of course, is STUPIDITY. And the Dada Drummer is a prophet of Anti-Stupidity. Why? 1) My mitochondria are especially stupid-sensitive and I tingle all over when I encounter dumbnesses and 2) I was called by God. Or my Dog. Not sure who was talking.

I have noticed my Dada-senses tingling at a high rate lately so I need to speak out against flagrant Stupidity around me.

10 Really Stupid Things (in no particular order):

Vince's Slap Chop
The "Issue" of Obama's Fake Birth Certificate
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Quiznos
The "Issue" of Pro-Euthanasia Death Panels killing Grandma
Jon Gosslin
Kate Gosslin
Preachers of "Prosperity Gospel"
Wife Swap
Fried Macaroni and Cheese

Is that clear? Good.

I feel a lot better.

Name Fail

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 01:32:00 +0000

AAAAAAAAAAA!! I just found a truly awful baby name web site. Terrible. Gross. Possibly a little evil. Go ahead: check it out now. I'll wait.

I knew it was going to get ugly when the main categories were "Cool" "Unique" and "Modern." Bad signs!

Then I see that the "featured" names today are Zhenson and Braxtany. I'm not making this up. Thank goodness the author helpfully indicates the intended genders since the names themselves have no interest in giving information about the named individual (except for that his/her parents were bat shit crazy).

Other gems are buried in the site. Here is a samplar plate of naming HORROR...

Ethnee
Harkness
Kadiance
Skyden
Wynter

Bascom
Drachen
Faxon
Navy
Rykken
Zen

I particularly enjoy the names on this site that seem like prescription drug brands:

Anaxana
Clarion
Paxtyn
Rathien
Quade
Trezdon

And please don't leave the site before checking out the goddess-awful list of "Mythical Baby Names." It includes winners such as AVATAR, EXCALIBUR, MEDUSA, and SAGA. I am NOT at all comforted by the fact that these names are, evidently, intended for mythical babies. I mean, their mythical friends will still make fun of them. And their mythical teachers will never know how to pronounce their stupid name. And they will lose out on mythical jobs because they seem to have been named by Ren-Fair crazed drug users.

Bad Dog!

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 21:10:00 +0000

I guess is natural that stupid baby names trickle down to become stupid dog names. My neighbor, who I really like a lot, has a new puppy. Unfortunately, she has given the dog a tragically tryndee stupid name

"Cadie"

Come on! This is a pure bred black lab. She has taste. Give her a REAL name. Something with real letters in a reasonable order. This pup deserves more dignity than "Cadie."

You know what, I would actually accept the horrendous baby name "Cadence" as a dog hame. Nouns as dog names is perfectly acceptable. She could then call the dog Cadie in emergency situations.

What are some other awful baby names that are acceptable for dogs?

SNARKYFREUDE

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Sat, 16 May 2009 03:04:00 +0000

snarkyfreude (snahr-kee-froy-duh). noun. language of origin: German, Dada.

1) atisfaction or pleasure generated by snarky comments by people other than yourself about people other than yourself

2) why I love all day faculty meetings

My coolness

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 14:13:00 +0000

Good news. My coolness just went up a couple of degrees. It's been a while since I had any coolness transfusions and I was really overdue. I was starting to complain about the damn music being too loud. It's a bad sign.

So I bought myself some groovy handheld technology. I feel much better!

This name is SOoooo Bad!

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:13:00 +0000

The Dada Drummer has been swamped with boring non-Drumming work in recent days, a ridiculous busyness made painfully manifest in my blog silence.

Only one power in the world could awaken the ire of the Dada Drummer enough to break the too-much-work spell. Only one thing could force me from my bed and much-needed sleep at 6am on a Friday to sit behind this stupid keyboard. . . A REALLY FREAKIN' AWFUL NAME!

Ready for it?

BRONX MOWGLI

AAAAHHHHHHHHGGGGGG!

Jessica Simpson's baby sister Ashlee (no, seriously, she's a baby) just had a baby boy. She and her teen boy lover have fouled this new creation of Almighty God with what I'm prepared to call the WORST NAME EVER.

First name BRONX...because Brooklyn is too popular and girlie I suppose...and the middle name MOWGLI....as in the JUNGLE BOOK character raised by freakin' wolves!!!

Oh. My. Dada.

We have reached a new low as a culture. Crap! And just when the elections had buoyed my optimism about our progress as a nation, this happens.

As Special K would say, "Mother Puss Bucket!" Now I'm REALLY depressed!

Baby Name News!

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 03:30:00 +0000

It's like Christmas has come early!! My favorite baby name experts Pamela Redmond Satran and Linda Rosenkrantz have a new website!!!

It's AWESOME. Check it out!! Go now!! It's called NAMEBERRY!

http://nameberry.com/

Check out the great blog, and search your favorite names to hear some great commentary. My favorite feature of their books has always been the brilliant lists. Rather than just offering an alphabetical listing of names with their meanings, Savran and Rosenkrantz group names by their style, tone, popularity, or reputation.

One of the most fun new lists is the Coolator. It gives Uncool, Cool, and Cooler versions of a variety of common names. For example: Avis, Ava, Avery. The Exoticizer works similarly: as in Andrew, Andre, Andreas. The Dada Drummer generally disapproves of the "cooler" and "exotic-er" names (ie Stephanie, Stella, Story AND Sarah, Zara, Zahara) but enjoys the lists nonetheless!

Use these tools, reade! There is no excuse for rotten baby name choices now!

Words of the Week

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 22:19:00 +0000

And the award for the BEST PHRASE I have heard this week goes to....

PIE CRACKERS

Isn't that the most amazing set of syllables! It sounds like a yummy treat, a white rap group, and an exclamation all at the same time. Let's use it in a sentence, shall we?

"Holy Pie Crackers! I can't believe you ate all the pie crackers while listening to that awful new Pie Crackers song."

It totally works!!

Thanks Lolly (and Lundy!!) for that new addition to my vocabulary. It makes me very giddy!

The Dada Drummer is an Ace of Cakes

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 03:35:00 +0000

That's right. I can TOTALLY decorate cakes. I learned it from TV, the shiny box in my living room that also taught me to build a chopper, design high fashion, decorate rooms, train dogs, sell antiques, style hair, and race around the world. Thank you, TV!

But back to my cake decorating skills. Which are awesome.

My best friend Special K just had a birthday. I don't want to be indiscreet by revealing his age, but I can tell you that his party theme was "42". That's the name of a super fun domino game that old men play in Texas. Old men, plus the Dada Drummer's friends.

In the game 42 (did I mention it's super fun?) each player pulls seven dominoes. So for Special K's birthday, I made seven domino cakes.

The dots are mini-oreos and the lines are squares of hershey bar. I'm SUCH a sugar artist!

And, just for the record, I gave him a REALLY GOOD hand of dominoes! Happy Birthday, Special K!

T-Shirt Awesomeness

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 19:53:00 +0000

Oh. My. Lost.

Someone buy me this. Now.

Name that Alumni!

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 04:27:00 +0000

The alumni magazine for a Green and Gold university in my neighborhood came to my mailbox today. The Dada Drummer is interested in only one section of such publications: baby announcements. Sometimes there are acceptable names in the list. Usually they offend. Here are some choice selections from the recent issue...

Good:
Audrey
Gracie
Elijah

Bad:
Corbin
Brendon
Makaylee
Harper Reese

I'd love to get reports of bad names from the alumni magazines on your coffee table!

Family

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 01:14:00 +0000

Sadly, being related to the Dada Drummer does not make one immune from bad baby name taste. I must report to you that the newest member of my extended family was born yesterday (yeah!) and given the unapproved name KHLOE (booo).

This is your blog. This is your blog on drugs.

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 07:55:00 +0000

The Drummer Land
September 12
3:00 am CST

For those readers of The Dada Drummer who are friends of DTB, I highly suggest you check this late night newsflash detailing her recent drug problem. It's up to you to decide whether you want to give her a compassionate hug or some merciless teasing when next you see the Wakeful One.

The Drummer plans to never let her live this down...but then again I'm bitchy like that!

The Dada Drummer has a BLOG CRUSH! Is that a BLUSH or a CROG?

noreply@blogger.com (The Dada Drummer) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 06:31:00 +0000

Thanks to my style guru the Dolan Goddess, I am up at 1:30 am reading the most amazingly hilarious blog EV-ER. (I also have a head cold, a crappy cough, and took too much medication which may be another reason I'm up. Maybe.)

I have a major blog crush on funny, brilliant, hot BLOGGESS. Go check it out NOW!. But I must advise against eating or drinking while reading (choking hazard!). And I suggest you exercise great caution reading the blog while family members sleep (loud guffaw hazzard!).

TOTAL CREDIT for this discovery and my now much improved coolness goes to the amazing Dolan Goddess. Who is also funny and brilliant. And waayyyyy hot. FYI.

P.S. In reading the Bloggess I have discovered that she is snarky, darkly-comic, intelligent, likes to curse and works at a "faith-based institution." See! That eHarmony compatibility test DOES work!