Daddy's Day Job

In My Opinion

2010-07-30T22:57:00.001+01:00

I love an opinion.

A view that's held as probable. Our version of the truth. Our take on events.
Plump, passionate and compelling. The bolder the better.

We all have them and, let's face it, without them the majority of Blogs wouldn't exist.

But what if our opinions are based on nonsense? Little pearls of wisdom, passed on from generation to generation, never challenged, never abandoned, just left to propel through eternity?

The fact that an opinion, by it's very definition, is actually quite short of proof, is actually what worries me.
Unfortunately, I fear, it's something seemingly out of our control and something we all seem predestined to perpetuate.

Someones opinion of the right things to say and the right things to do, has already shaped and influenced us this far. Delivered earnestly, with gusto and a smidgen of anything that sounded remotely true, their opinions we've totally believed and accepted as fact. Worse still, because we've taken it on its face value without a challenge or any supportive evidence whatsoever, we divulge these facts to anyone and everyone around us. They have now become our facts, our very own opinions!

Worse still, we then have to encounter those little moments of painful indignity when you find yourself quoting from your worldly insights, only to then confront that, "What the devil are you talking about?!" moment.

When you actually find out that your opinion actually counts for ~~shit~~ rubbish!

We often share a story and offer an opinion at the very same time. Lots of known nonsense but we still participate.

Be it;

An old wives tale?............."If you keep pulling that face it will stick like it, I'm telling you!"

An Urban Myth?..........."It's haunted,..chopped his head off,...screams,...never seen again,..my friend saw it!"

A Celebrity scandal?.........."She/he slept with him,...money,...filmed,.....drugs,.....It's true, trust me!"

Daily gossip?......."Oh she's/he's a right,.....drunk,....on the side,...No, I don't know her, but a friend told me!"

Pub talk?............"She/he loves it,.....six times,....fastest car innit....he knows nothing......trust me, I know!"

One-up-man-ship?...."Yeah, used to have one of them,...sold it,....could if I wanted,...."

Just Rubbish!!?........."Of course they can cure anything, there's just no money in it,...it's all politics!"

Now, I was always under the belief that I've never been one for idle gossip or have ever relished in that exploitative circus we all seemingly regard these days as journalism. I've also never believed in incrimination purely because of high levels of probability. No, not me. My opinions were, and would always be, based on fact.

Especially now, more than ever, in my leading role as a Dad.

My children would be raised on the 'truth and nothing but,' letting the 'truth set you free!' "No rubbish for my offspring," was definitely my mandate! When facts need to be delivered,...I'd deliver. No problem.

Well, there's one minor problem. I'm useless at it!

Is it just a parental gene we develop? Is it just something so interspersed within our very being that we don't even notice some of the nonsense that spouts from our mouths?

It starts small. Catches you off guard. We don't mean to do it and definitely, no harm is ever intended. We all just slip into simple 'facts' and phrases to help 'teach' our children. Harmless phrases to help illustrate a point. We just sometimes forget that they're developing and forming their own opinions, based on what we say, and, in turn, helping them nurture a well informed and educated point of view, that they'll one day be ridiculed for!.

It's nonsense. I know it even as I say it. But, I do it,............All the time!

"Bear! What have I told you about eating those pips?"
"I'll grow a tree in my tummy."
"Exactly!"

Their opinions are being moulded.

The nonsense is being perpetuated.

Sorry Kids. I try, I really do!!

What makes my kids Boogie!

2010-07-27T10:49:00.001+01:00

It's my Birthday?

2010-07-24T16:02:00.001+01:00

Image by abakedcreation via Flickr

'It's your birthday?'
'No Bear, me and mummy were just talking about my birthday.'

'Can I come to your birthday?'
'Of course you can come to my birthday.'
'Am I coming later?'
'No Bear. It's not my birthday today.'
'But you said I can come to your birthday.'
'You can come, when it's actually my birthday.'
'But why not today?'
'Because it's not my birthday today.'
'That's just silly.'

'I like birthdays.'
'I like birthdays too, Bear.'
'They're my favourite'
'Better than Christmas?'
'Hmm,...Well you don't have bouncy castles and friends to play and bring you presents.'
'Good point'
'And candles to blow and sing ''Happy Birthday to you''.'
'True.'

'Is it my birthday now?'
'No Bear, it's no ones birthday today.'
'No ones?'
'No.'
'No ones, ever?!'
'Well, it'll be someones birthday, just not one of ours.'

'Are you someone, Daddy?'
'Well, yes. We're all someone Bear.'
'I'm someone?'
'Yes you are.'
'Then it's my birthday today?'
'No, Bear. You see,...'
'So it's your birthday today? So we can have dinosaur cakes and a bouncy castle and my friends can come and bring presents for me!'
'Oh, bless you Bear. You can't just decide when to have a birthday.'
'Why?'
'Well,...because birthdays are,..birthdays. And we only have one, Bear. So we can't just say that it's our birthday when it's not really our birthday. You see?'

'Hmmm?'

'I'm sorry, Bear. I don't make the rules.'

'Oh. I see........
Mummy?..... Can Daddy have his birthday today?'

(Sigh!)

The Numbers Game

2010-07-22T11:43:00.003+01:00

Cover of Numbers

'How many cars have you got there, Bear?'
'Free cars, Daddy.'
'That's three cars'.
'I know. I told you.'
'Yes, but it's three not free.'
'Oh, silly Daddy, there's no trees'.
'I didn't say tree, I said three.'
'That's very good, Daddy.'
'Well, thankyou. So, how many cars have you got?'
'I told you, free.'
'Th - th- th, th-ree, three.'
'Th- th- free.'
'One, two, three.'
'One, two, three.'
'Yes, brilliant! Who's a clever Bear?'
'Me!'
'So let's count the cars. One, two, three.'
'One, two, four'.
'Where did four come from?'
'After three.'
'That's really good, but there are only three cars.'
'Where's four?'
'You haven't got four, you've got three.'
'Oh.'
'Shall we count again?'
'OK.'
'One, two, three.'
'Three, five, six.'
'Where's four gone?'
'You said we haven't got four, just three.'
'Well, yes,..but,...'
'One, two, three three, five. Once I caught a fish alive,..'
'We need a four in there, Bear.'
'But it's three. You said three!'
'I said there are three cars.'
'No, you said three trees and no four!'
'No, I meant three and then four comes after three.'
'But I haven't got FOUR CARS!'
'I know you haven't got four cars, I'm just saying,...'
'I'll get Mummy, Daddy.'
'What are you getting Mummy for?'
'To help you count.'

Sigh!

Should Reality Ruin Our Fantasy?

2010-07-19T02:21:00.001+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Movie Stars.

Love 'em or hate 'em, we just can't get enough gossip about them and, so it would seem, the more malicious and condemning the better.

But why?

Somewhere along the line we've become more obsessed with who they are as opposed to what they do. Now, for sure, we'd all love to be aspirational to the masses for being the perfect combination of both, but, unfortunately it's very rare to ever find both ( the biggest fun at the office party is not necessarily the tour de force in the work place now are they?)

Let's face it, Movie Stars are just ordinary people who do an extraordinary profession - ( ''I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy asking him to love her'' - you know the Movie!), their very job is pretending to be someone they're not. What we don't seem to realise is that it's actually the 'illusion' that we love and aspire to, the face on the silver screen as opposed to the moron in the trailer.

So why then do we keep expecting extraordinary behaviour? And why do we then rejoice in finding out they're just as fragile, insecure, obnoxious and fallible as the rest of us? Wouldn't we all be so perfect with our very own team of script writers?

Should we not, therefore, just enjoy talent for talents sake? Berating Tom Cruise or John Travolta for their Scientology beliefs is like not liking Ray Winstone because he's a West Ham fan!! It doesn't really matter, does it?

I realise the world of celebrity is all the rage these days. Everyone famous is a celebrity and every celebrity is famous and, along the way, we've forgotten what real fame actually is. We've somehow decided to contrive the notion that everyone who's famous should be a role model. That they should have an insight into the ways of the world and to lead their lives as a faultless example to us all. Because they're famous and have a life of extreme wealth, privilege and prestige, a life that, let's face it, most  people aspire to, that this somehow makes them worldly wise and beyond human error? The real problem with the famous is that we think we know them and if they ever dare stray from who we think they are, well, God help them!

But why should we expect so much from them? The success in their job has caused the fame. Their single minded, self involved, dogged determination (and usually a big dose of talent), has got them where they are. So when we find out that they're really self opinionated, single minded, ego maniacs, should this come as any real surprise?!

Role models should be made from 'real' people in 'real' professions. Professions that are built on true endeavour and real character, those people that really can and do make a difference. Doctors, nurses, soldiers, teachers,...(the list goes on & on),  these professions don't hide behind the guise of someone else. They can't. Their character is the true heart of who and what they do.

The famous letting us down? Is it their fault that we built them up as role models in the first place? Shouldn't entertainers just be,.. entertaining? Escapist fun for us to escape to?

There's no such thing as mystery and intrigue anymore (JFK's campaign would never have got off the ground with today's 21st century vulture paparazzi ''serving the publics best interests'' as they devour yet another celebrity carcass!!). Let's face it, we now live in a culture of having celebrities being celebrities for being celebrities!? (What ever happened to talent?!)

Character should be scrutinised for many things, nearly every job demands it. But in the world of fiction, of make believe, I really don't want to care.

If Tom Cruise can make the Impossible possible, if John Belushi can make my sides split in Animal House, if Marlon Brando can make me check my bed before I get in it, then it's all good to me. Do I need to like or know the performer, or shouldn't I just be able to enjoy their performance?

When we were lucky enough to go to Disney, I didn't want to see or know who was in Mickey's costume, no sirree, I just wanted my children to meet the 6ft real life Mickey Mouse (and he cuddled my kids too, the beauty!)

I love my children's imagination and their belief in the fantastical and mythical.

A world where;

Santa brings presents.
Tooth Fairies pay good money.
Super Heroes are Super.
The world of Pixar is real.
Disney World feels so real.
And EVERYTHING is possible!!

So, as parents, we fuel these dreams, we teach these stories and we make believe for the joy of our children.
As adults, we seem incapable of allowing ourselves to believe in anything so whimsical.We question and criticise and make judgements on everyone and everything, believing we have the right to know and believing we're making the world a better place for doing so. Why oh why do we constantly try and look inside the costume when it's just so much more fun to revel in the fiction.

Should reality ruin our fantasy?

Two Feet From Your Pillow,....

2010-07-17T11:37:00.003+01:00

Two feet from your pillow and two feet from the floor,
Sits a little world of wonder, ready to explore.
Now, some say it's a cupboard and some say it's a door,
But I'll share a little secret, it's a world that offers more.

Think of all the things you love to eat, the games you love to play,
A world in where a Dinosaur will sing and dance all day.
Imagine chocolate covered mountains and fountains you can drink,
Where cartoon characters live all day, skating in a rink.

Clouds are huge marshmallows, and sweets just fall from trees.
There's Unicorns formation flying, being cheered by bugs on leaves.
There are Polar Bears with their coats off, swimming in a lake.
Even Dragons playing Hoopla, while eating lots of cake.

All around you, you hear music and laughter all the time,
A world that's made for playing, where everything is fine.
Anything you can imagine, it really does come true
Think of everything and anything, it's waiting there for you.

So close your eyes and say goodnight, I'll see you in the morning,
But unlike other children, I won't hear you snoring.
'Cause, Two feet from your pillow and two feet from the floor
Sits a little world of wonder, ready to explore.

© Dan Bruna and Daddy's Day Job. 2010.

Sun, Sea, The Hulk,..... (and me?!)

2010-07-15T12:22:00.001+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

A hot summers day - on a hot sandy beach. Beach towel on the floor, sun cream applied. Muffin asleep in her buggy whilst Bear and I tuck into a couple of double thick fudge ice cream sundaes.

Bear, in his typical 'Bear, Ruler Of The World' pose, is starring out over his minions.

'He has big boobies, Daddy'.
I turn my head and I'm confronted by
an incredibly large breasted woman.
I offer my best -' I have no control and therefore take no responsability'- smile.
'He's a she, Bear'.
Never a bad time to work on grammar.
'She's got big boobies!'
I mouth the word 'sorry'.
It's not working. Big booby woman is not happy.
'Lovely ice cream, eh Bear?'.
Change of subject normally works a treat.
'You have very big boobies!'
Oh,dear God!
'Bear!'
'What is it Dad?'
'Enough about the big boobies, please!'
I this time offer my - 'Kids, God bless them, raised eyebrows and ah-shocks' - smile.
Big Boobies is having none of it.

Quiet contemplation and a couple of big slurps on the fudge sundaes, while big breasted woman storms off to find another more suitable spot.

'Can we have one of those?'
Bear's pointing to a,....well, looks like a big muscular fella squeezed into an obscenely small pair of speedo's.
Best check.
'Have one of what, exactly?'
'Those!'
Yes. Bear's definitely now pointing at the big muscular fella with the way too small speedo's.
'Them big muscles! Can we have them big muscles?'
This is becoming way too loud and animated.
'Calm down, Bear. We don't want him to think we're starring at him, now do we?'
Too late. Mr Muscles definitely knows we're starring at him.
As long as we look away we''ll be,....
'Can we, Daddy?'
'Seriously. Enough already!'
It worked! Bear's calmed down.
Phew.
Back in control.
'What did you mean by, can we have big muscles, Bear?'
'Well,....'
He pauses for a big slurp of his fudge sundae.
'.....We could paint him all green and we could keep him in my bedroom and he'd be my HULK! And when we play Super Heroes,...'
Mr Muscles is coming over and my son is implying so many things that I almost don't know where to begin!!
'Is there a problem?'
A surprisingly high voice for someone so huge.
I need to take control.
'You're like the HULK!' Shouts Bear.
Shit! Too late.
'Roaaar!'
Bear's now flexing and grunting like the Incredible Hulk.
I'm dying here!
'My son here,..'
I gesture to my son who now seems to be putting on his very own 'Gun Show'.
'....... was just expressing how,.. big and,... muscular you are,.. and how great it would be to,....kind of,... paint you green,.. and play Super Heroes with you.'
'...YEAHHH!'...
Bear's still flexing!
'Obviously, no offence was intended'.
I've offered that all way to meekly.
Where's my alpha male when I need him?

There's a pause.

Now, a very awkward pause.

Then,

The Hulk laughs.

Thank you, Jesus!

'Oh no, that's fine. Very sweet actually'.
Bear's now flexing like a loony, while I just find myself nodding my head and smiling.
The Hulkster starts reaching into his speedo's.

What the,......?!

'Hey little Hulky.'
He's now passing a small card to my son.
'Get your Daddy to call me sometime. I'd love to flex around with him'.

(Did he just,....?? )

'Sure will Mr Hulk! Yeeeaaahhh!!!'
Bear's in Hulk heaven.
The Hulk then winks at me, flexes his torso and slowly saunters away.

(Yeah. He Did!)

A long pause.

'Daddy. What you doing?'
'Packing up and going home, big fella.'
'Can we play Super Heroes when we get home, Daddy?'
'Not today, Bear. Not today.'

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mum's are from Venus, Dad's just like Mars!

2010-07-13T16:29:00.002+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

The battle of the sexes is an age old tale and one, quite frankly, I've never wanted to engage in ( possibly through fear and not wanting to be banished to the sofa, again!)
But when it comes to Mums v Dads, now there's a can of worms I don't mind disturbing.

I think, in general, us Dads just tend to annoy the other half of our parental partnerships, where more often than not, we're getting told off more than our kids. Many a time I've been banished to my very own naughty corner because I've been to:

Irresponsible
Weak
Not adhering to our 'Parental Agreement of raising OUR children' - as set out by Mum!
Not paying attention
Relinquishing sweets too easily!!

This list could obviously continue (embarrassingly too much so!!) but what I'd like to point out is that it is these very differences and parental 'disagreements' that generate such well grounded and well rounded kids - (your Yin to my Yang, your Tom to my Jerry).

'Good cop, Bad cop' is, after all, a Hollywood staple diet. You can't have an on the edge Riggs without a stable down to earth Murtough, now can you?
We may have different ways and means but we definitely share the same objective - having bright, happy and content children.

So next time you're chastising your partner on how different they are from YOU and how they raise the children so UNLIKE YOU, remember, life's all about balance. None of us want our kids to be like us, we want them to be the better parts of us.

So, to my better half;
I thank you.
I love you.
But, above all, leave me alone, it's working!!

I just might be Marlon Brando!

2010-07-09T11:41:00.008+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

What I find really daunting about my little Super Heroes, is the break neck speed in which they seem to learn and develop every single day (more often than not, as quick as a couple of hours within the same day!).

This brought on the realisation that I can't learn this quick anymore!! To the point that anything new (and that I can't do immediately), actually grinds me to a standstill, a meltdown even.
'I can't do it!!!'
So I'll quickly reassure myself that I don't need to do it and its lack of presence in my life
never hindered me before!

But the real irony is this must be something I've taught myself to do!

Have I, like Lex Luther, just surrounded myself with idiots to make myself feel far superior than I really am? Have I lost my Super Hero prowess of conquering all before me, absorbing everything put in front of me and just turned into the simple 'Oh, that's just me, I've always been rubbish at,....' (take your pick!!) kind of Guy?

I now feel I'm being forced to face it, like finding Kryptonite in my rucksack, all of those Super human learning skills that had once been gifted to me, have long since upped and left me and I've been rendered powerless in developing anymore.

Never again will I, a mere mortal parent, ever have the ability to learn so much and AS MUCH as my little SuperSponges. Soaking up every tiny morsel of knowledge, growing faster than a speeding bullet right before my very eyes, leaving me in a constant,.. 'how did they?,...how do they?...' state of flux. I've become that meek and useless observer from every comic book ever published.

Am I now just a minor extra in my kids Super Blockbusting adventures through life?

What a kicker!!

But wait one second, god dammit!

Didn't Superman fly off to the North Pole to that big arsed ice cave and get tutored by Jor-El?

Weren't all his Super human powers explained and nurtured to him by his father, without whom, the world would have been a darker place?

I must be Marlon Brando!

( I can live with that! )

xxxxxxx

Have you ever....?

2010-07-08T02:14:00.006+01:00

Have you ever seen an Elephant try to skate or even bake a cake?
Have you ever seen an Elephant try that?

Have you ever seen an Octopus that rides on a bus and never makes a fuss?
Have you ever seen an Octopus do that?

What about a dancing Lion or a Giraffe who likes to Iron
Have you ever seen some animals like these?
A Tiger who likes reading or a snake that can't stop sneezing
How about a Hippo who loves his ham and cheese?

Have you ever seen a Crocodile who likes to dance especially in France?
Have you ever seen a Crocodile who likes that?

Have you ever seen a Buffalo drinking cups of tea while reading poetry?
Have you ever seen a Buffalo read that?

What about a piano playing Panda or a Goat that loves to Samba
Have you ever seen some animals like these?
A tortoise who likes dancing have you ever thought of asking?
All you need to do is just say please.

© Dan Bruna and Daddy's Day Job, 2010.

''Higgledee Ping''

2010-07-07T00:18:00.005+01:00

This is the story of Higgledee Ping, who liked all his stories with a zest and a zing.

'What is your name?' said Higgledee Ping, as he met a young man who started to sing.

'My name is Booba Alooda-Alooda Mahoy. I love to sing, it fills me with joy!'

'Well, Booba Alooda-Alooda Mahoy, it's lovely to meet you, you're such a fine boy!'

On with the story of Higgledee Ping, who liked all his stories with a zest and a zing.

'What is your name?' said Higgledee Ping, as he saw a big Zebra with lovely big wings.

'My name is Zazeeba Zazeeba Zaboo, I love to fly with my wings like a fly flys round poo!'

'Well, Zazeeba Zazeeba Zaboo, not sure your flying now seems such a fun thing to do!'

So on goes the story of Higgledee Ping, who liked all his stories with a zest and a zing.

'What is your name?' said Higgledee Ping, as he noticed a Badger with a strain in his grin.

'My name is Bertie La-barty La-hearty La-bee, I pop pops through trumpets, it feels me with glee!'

'Well, Bertie La-barty La-hearty La-bee a more disgusting sight I never did see!'

'It's now time for bed', said Higgledee Ping, as he talked to himself he decided to sing.

'Goodnight dear old Badger, you smelly old thing

And sleeptight Mr Zebra with lovely big wings.

Goodnight Booba Alooda you're such a good boy

And sleeptight little reader may your dreams fill with joy'.

For the longest time,.......

2010-07-06T18:05:00.002+01:00

For the longest time I worried about who you'd be.
I hoped and prayed you'd be a lot more than me.
Now here you are and it's plain to see,
That forever more it'll always be just you and me.

For the longest time I wondered just what you'll be.
The mistakes I've made I'll hope you'll never see.
Now here you are with a whole life too see,
That forever more, I hope your dreams you'll set them all free.

For the longest time I held my breath and cried.
I wondered if my love you'd always hold inside.
Now here I am holding your tiny hand
Forever, what may, side by side is where we'll always stand.

For the longest time I dreamed of holding you here with me.
Wrapped in my arms is were you're meant to be.
And now your here I can't believe I'll ever set you free.
Forever in a world in places I can not be.

For the longest time Daddys will always be,
The ones that worry about everyone you'll see.
But my promise to you from here to eternity,
A Daddys love you'll always have from me.

xxxx

© Dan Bruna and Daddy's Day Job. 2010.

Who's the Daddy?!

2010-07-06T11:35:00.004+01:00

'What ya doing?'
'I'm writing'.
'What you writing?'
'My book'.
'Your book?'
'Yes, Daddy's book'.
'Why Daddy's book?'
'Well,.....I want to write a book'.
'What about? Dinosaurs?!'
'No, not about Dinosaurs'.
'Why not about Dinosaurs? Dinosaurs are FUN!'
'Yes they are, but.....'
'.........and they,.......AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!'
'.........yes they do, but.....'
'..........Raptorrrrrrrr,...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!'
'.........yeah, that's great, but.......'
'..........or, MONSTERS!! ........ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRRR!'
'.........OK. OK. Ssshh!'
'Why Ssshh? I help you write your book about Monsters and Dinosaurs. It'll be really, really FUN!'
'It'll be great, but,.... well,... Daddy just needs to do this first'.
'OK'.

(23 seconds of silence).

'What you doing?'
'I'm still writing'.
'Want to play with me?'
'I'd love to play with you. Can I just finish this,....'
'Can we go to the park?'
'Of course we,..........'
'My tumbly's rumbly'.
'You're hungry?'
'Yes. I want something crunchy'.
'Like an apple?'
'No. How about bon-bons?'
'No. There's no bon-bons now'.
'Something to lick?'
'Something to lick?!'
'Yeah,......... I can have an ice lolly?'
'No, we're going to have lunch in a minute'.
'No not a minute Daddy, I want a lolly, PLEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSE!'
'No, we're going to have lunch first,.......'
'LOLLL-LEEEEEEEE!!'
'Stop that right now!'
'LOLLL-LEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!'
'Any more Mister and your off to the naughty corner'.
'PLEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSE!!!!!'
'I mean it!'

(23 seconds of sulky shoulder hunching and crocodile tears).

(sniff) 'What you doing?'
'I'm getting you a lolly'.
'YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!' (sniff's all gone!)
'But next time,..'
'OK......... Wanna go in the garden?'
'Yeh, sounds great'.
'Wanna play?'
'Love to Bear. Love to.'
'RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' (charging into the garden with lolly in hand).

(Exactly!!!)
xxxxxx

Bedtime story.

2010-07-05T19:47:00.003+01:00

'Once upon a time there was a little girl who lived with her mother at the edge of a deep, dark forest. Everyone called the girl 'Little Red Riding Hood', because she always wore a bright red cloak with a bright red hood'.
'Like Spiderman?'
'Well, no, not like Spiderman, like......'
'Like Spiderman, like Spiderman!!'
'OK, like Spiderman'.
'No Daddy, it IS Spiderman!'
'So Spiderman lived in the forest with his mother?'
'And a Dinosaur!'
'Spiderman and a Dinosaur lived in a forest with his mother?'
'Yes. Come on Daddy, tell the story'.
'OK. So Spiderman and Rex (his friend the Dinosaur) lived in a house with his mother at the edge of a deep, dark forest. Everyone called him 'Spiderman', because he always wore a bright red suit with spider webs all over it,....'
'Like SPIDERMAN!'
'...........just like Spiderman. Anyway, one sunny morning his mother said, 'Granny isn't feeling very well.Please will you take this basket of goodies to her, to make her feel better?' 'I will', replied Spiderman. 'Remember', said his mother, 'stay on the path and don't stop to talk to any strangers on the way'.
'Don't talk to DRAGONS!'
'Dragons?'
'BIG, BAD DRAGONS!!'
'Remember', said his mother, ' stay on the path and don't stop to talk to any Dragons on the way'. So Spiderman and his bestfriend Rex the Dinosaur skipped along the path to Granny's house. They had only gone a short way into the deep, dark forest, when a sly, nasty wolf with big shiny teeth and long sharp claws jumped out onto the path, right in front of them'.
'And Rex gobbled him up!'
'Gobbled up the wolf?'
'One big bite! Yum, yum, yum'.
'But the wolf's a key character,......'
'Yum, yum, yummy!'
'OK, maybe not that key,....'
'Good boy Rex, said Spiderman, yum, yum, yum!'
'So, they skipped along the path to Granny's house with,.............. no trouble at all! No strangers to speak of, just a lot of skipping, Spidey and Rex having a good old stroll. A short time later, they arrived at Granny's cottage and knocked on her door'.
'It's a DRAGON!!'
'The Dragon's in Granny's cottage?'
'They think he's Granny!'
'Has he dressed up like Granny?'
'No. He looks like a DRAGON!!'
'So why do they think he looks like Granny?'
'Because he's in Granny's house!'
'Of course he is.'
'Silly Daddy!'
'So, Spiderman and Rex the Dinosaur couldn't believe their eyes. 'Oh Granny', they said, 'It's so nice to see you, but what big ears you have!' 'All the better to hear you with', said the Dragon.' Come closer, you two'. So Spidey and Rex took a step closer to the bed. 'Oh Granny, what big eyes you have!' 'All the better to see you with,' said the Dragon. 'Come closer, you two' So Spidey and Rex took another step closer. Now they were right beside Granny's bed. 'Oh Granny!' they cried. 'What big teeth you have!' 'All the better to eat you with, my dears!' And,.....'
'........and Buzz and Woody grabbed some cheese.....'
'Some cheese?!'
'.....and Rex went Rooooaaaaarrrrrrr! And Spiderman went whoosh! woosh! And Buzz
went ' In-tin-tea and be-yonnnnnnnd! And the Dragon went AAAAAAAAAARRRR!
And everyone was everyone. THE END!'
' ?????????'
'I like that story.'
' ?????????'
' Night- night Daddy.'
'Night- night Bear'.
'And we can have bon-bons for breakfast?'
'No. No bon-bons'.
'Shall we talk about it tomorrow, Daddy?'
'Ok Cheeky monkey, time for night-nights.'
'Night-night Daddy'.
'Night-night Bear.'
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