Dads Adventure

A case of shaken father syndrome

2013-05-08T15:49:45+00:00

Questions to Ask a Childcare Provider

2013-02-21T21:51:32+00:00

Being a Dad…

2011-09-28T21:46:14+00:00

As soon as his first baby comes into the world, a dad's life is forever changed.

Becoming a dad means something different to every man. After the first-ever dad and baby flashmob, we caught on camera a few new dads telling us what being a first-time father was like for them.

Tell us what being a Dad means to you. Share your video-response on the Dads Adventure YouTube page or .

Being a Dad is "incredible"

Being a Dad is "awesome"

Being a Dad "tops the list"

Being a Dad is "fantastic"

Being a Dad is "empowering"

Father Who Never Gives Up

2011-07-26T16:03:39+00:00

We have another addition to our Respect for Fathers Hall of Fame.

Los Angeles Times' Finding his lost family is Japanese man's mission

Maromu Oikawa, a Japanese firefighter was on duty when the March 2011 earthquake hit, and was relieved to receive a text message that his wife and baby daughter were safe in an evacuation center. Then the tsunami hit, and washed the evacuation center away. Maromu, whose name means to protect, was devastated that he was unable to protect his family, and began looking for them. He does so every day, carrying a shovel and saw to get through the massive debris piles, and will do so until he finds them. He knows they will not be alive, but he will not rest until he can at least protect whatever is left of them. Word of his search has spread, and he is regularly joined by 100 other men and fathers as brothers.

Have you seen a story in the media that treats fathers with respect?

Father Trashing Hall of Shame

2011-06-23T16:08:41+00:00

This nation took to condemning “deadbeat” dads two decades ago, initially in response to welfare reform, and then moved on to slamming the absent father, the emotionally absent father, and ultimately most of our own fathers, who would have relished the opportunities we dads have today. Why is the trashing still occurring after the obvious advances men of all types have made as dads? One big reason is that we fathers tend to organize after the divorce, not before, and so we have yet to get our act together enough to seriously ask anyone to stop. And so on to our nominees:

Pew Research Center’s A Tale of Two Fathers: More Are Active, but More Are Absent in the trading integrity for a headline category. Trumpeted widely in the media as “More Fathers Are Absent”, Pew got its coverage by distorting its own facts (see chart in link): From 1960 to 2000, the portion of kids living apart from their fathers rose from 11% to 27% and then stayed there since. It has not increased in a decade. And Pew’s definition of an “absent” father? 22% are with their children at least twice a week, 29% weekly to monthly, and 21% several times a year, most of whom likely live in another city or state and do their best to stay connected. Pew’s conclusion that “a growing number (of fathers) are absent from their children's lives” is a falsehood that mars an otherwise glowing overview of the increasing commitment of men to their children.
Michael Gurian’s How Your Kids Can Ruin Your Marriage in the pandering to mother’s enormous purchasing power to sell a book category. His key issue regarding dads? “Dads who feel neglected/replaced and uneasy or jealous when an infant enters the home” and dad should not bother mom because “the mother-child bond is a natural, deeply biological bond…It’s challenging enough for a woman to manage a child’s infancy.” The reality is that gatekeeping by mom, essentially cutting dad out of his new family, is bad for babies, and sharing infant care, which we dads did as cavemen, is great for new moms.
Huffington Post’s Dads Who Do More Housework Get More Sexin the dragging up demeaning nonsense for Father’s Day category (title has since changed). Huffpo distorts a study, whose own authors state "We're not saying that housework causes sex,” to imply that vacuuming will satisfy dad’s desire for sex, which of course, is his main concern. If true, dads would be supercharging their vacuums and could do an entire house in 45.62 seconds. The reality is that new parents’ relationships typically take a dive just as they try to start forming a family (the basic building block of humanity) together. Not good for moms, not good for babies. If the relationship works, the love life will follow.

They should consider this a resend of the memo that most everyone else appears to have received: trashing fathers does mothers, babies and fathers no good!

They should consider this a resend of the memo that most everyone else appears to have received: trashing fathers does mothers, babies and fathers no good! Add your own nominee to help out those who continue to do so.

Check out the flip side of this initiative: Respect for Fathers Hall of Fame.

Respect for Fathers Hall of Fame

2011-06-23T15:58:55+00:00

Men thrive on respect and this year we dads got a lot, from the local to the national level. Our nominees:

ABC News Radio’s Roughhousing With Dad Crucial For Development in the we fathers have a great deal to offer our kids category. Richard Fletcher, the leader of Australia’s Fathers & Families Research Program, points out that our instincts, strengths, character, and characteristics as men are fundamentally great for our babies (and why we innately feel “we are here to play” soon after our babies arrive).
MSNBC’s Prehistoric Dads Helped With Child Care in the dads are built to be hands-on category. “Dads in early human species would have aided in carrying children, as well as in their bathing, feeding, playing and teaching them the lessons of prehistoric life,” says Northwestern University researcher Lee T. Gettler. And so after a century or so (starting with the 1880’s Industrial Revolution when men left the farm for the factory) of essentially being pushed out of our children’s lives, we're back!
120 new dads and their babies in a Denver Flash Mob in the many millions of on-the-job-dads category. This unique event poignantly demonstrated a dad’s intense commitment to his child, his fulfillment and pride in being a dad, and the sense of solidarity he has with other men facing similar challenges as they inspire and learn from each other. It also marked the launching of Ji'Kinam: Brotherhood of Dads.

Add your own nominee to recognize those who are helping to strengthen fatherhood by giving dads the respect they deserve.

Check out the flip side of this initiative: Father Trashing Hall of Shame.

Was Father’s Day the Tipping Point?

2011-06-21T18:49:33+00:00

More Respect, Less Trashing for First Time

By Greg Bishop

Amazingly, Father’s Day was not used as an opportunity to trash fathers this year! Some couldn’t resist, but overall, coverage was more positive than negative for the first time in at least 21 years.

Respect for Fathers Hall of Fame

Father Trashing Hall of Shame

We Need to Give the New Guys a Hand with Respect

We dads have had great opportunities to be part of our children’s lives that our own fathers and grandfathers did not. Many millions of us have discovered how this feeds our hearts and souls as men. We are hugely grateful; there are no victims here.

We are standing up for the new guys, our younger brothers and their friends, as they join our ranks and find their way in their formative months as fathers. For them the bar has been set very high and it will continue to rise. We are asking a lot from these young men, and we all have a stake in their success. The most important step we can take is to treat them with the respect they deserve.

This tipping point promises a new era where the media doesn't disparage dads for a headline and society acknowledges the value fathers provide. The more we get behind fathers, the richer the rewards in the years ahead for all our kids.

Greg Bishop has led Boot Camp for New Dads for 21 years (300,000 grads and counting), Dads Adventure since 1995, and has recently helped organize Ji’Kinam: Brotherhood of Dads.

The Dignity of Being a Dad

2011-06-13T12:15:27+00:00

No one can describe to a man what having his own child will mean to him. Words simply cannot do justice; each man needs to discover it for himself.

Still, we need talk about what being a father feels like so we can better understand and leverage the strength it brings us to do whatever it takes for our kids. We also need to pass what we learn on to the next guy so he is equipped to step up for his kids. We need to share our experiences; not the tired, poor, stretched, etc. feelings, but the profound ones: how doing our job for our family makes us feel as men.

As men, our stereotyped desire is wanting to be seen as attractive, sexually active and successful with women. Pick up any men’s magazine: in keeping with the fantasy, among the articles on six pack abs and turning her into a nympho, you will be hard pressed to find any evidence any of us are married, or worse, are tied down with children. So while we still buy the magazines (hey, it’s a fantasy), we know better.

The reality is that we men broadly report that being seen as honorable, resourceful and respected is much more important to our sense of manhood. Before our child arrives, we have already learned that having one woman who cares deeply for us, loving her, protecting her, having her belong to us and us to her, knowing she can count on us no matter what, is a great feeling that brings out the best in us as men.

We then made the big leap – a child, fatherhood and family, with our mate turning into a mom – and run into another stereotype: the notion that fatherhood is emasculating, that becoming a father, with all that diaper changing, baby talk, nurturing, etc. somehow make us less of a man. And we learn otherwise.

We find that taking care of a sick baby through the night is not for wimps, and that providing for a family can require a great deal of strength. As we teach our child new things and he gets excited when he sees us, we learn how incredibly important we are to him. It takes time, but we discover that caring deeply for a child - protecting him, having him belong to us, us to him, knowing he can count on us no matter what - gives us a mission in life, a purpose larger than ourselves.

Fatherhood challenges us, but it also enlarges us and reshapes our perception of what is important in the world around us. As we take stock of this new world, we find that doing our job as a dad is inherently honorable and respectful, and brings to us the dignity that goes with the territory. Far from being emasculating, being a dad makes us men in the finest sense of the term.

as a father so we can pass it on to our younger brothers as they join our ranks.

Dads, Get Your Caveman On

2011-06-11T16:41:20+00:00

The Caveman had it going on as a dad.

He was hands-on 24/7 with his baby in their comfy little cave (co-sleeping way before it was cool) and no doubt serving as a patient punching bag for his mate’s participation in early R&D re: raging hormones, except when out after an extra big Mammoth because he had another mouth to feed. And when he got back, no doubt his little Neanderthal flashed her blazingly bright smile, and for some reason he could not comprehend, this aggressive hunter turned to mush and he put a glittery stone on the list for his next grocery trip.

Naturally strong and courageous, he found himself extra vigilant when his child arrived. A baby attracted Saber Tooth tigers, but it was no problem as for some reason his protective instincts were supercharged when those pesky felines were around. They made warm baby blankets.

He passed on to his sons and all of us descendent dads something very special - an innate drive to protect and care for our children and family, and the instincts to do it well. Over the past century or so, after men went away to factories and the moms took over caring for children, dad instincts went into hibernation for many of us. But over the last couple of decades, we noticed that we and our father missed out on each other, got hands-on with our babies, and our natural instincts re-awakened.

Recently two young surgeons asked me why they want to be home with their babies so much. I explained that they spent more time with their baby than their own father spent with them, and the research indicates the more new fathers do so, the stronger our innate, chemically driven response to both protect and nurture our babies kicks in. The main drivers are that we love our babies and taking care of them nourishes our hearts and souls as men.

And it turns out the more time we spend with them, the more we love them. The Male Brain, by Louann Brizendine M.D., chronicles research showing that we dads are endowed by nature, in the form of subtle hormone changes occurring in the months surrounding the arrival of our child, to both defend our families from threats, and cherish and care for our kids from birth. The key to the latter is stay close to mom during pregnancy, and then getting hands-on once our baby arrives, as this closeness and contact triggers our pre-programmed biological reactions.

Millenniums of evolution begin kicking in as become fathers. This is our real heritage, not the last century in which we were essentially pushed out of our homes and the daily lives of our kids. In droves, we are back. One way we are going to help accelerate this “re-evolution” of dads is to get moms to accept that the more Dad gets his Caveman on, the better!

New Moms Are the Heart of the Matter

2011-06-11T16:39:23+00:00

In Boot Camp for New Dads, the veterans (new dads who come back with their babies to help show the rookies the ropes) have always advised dads-to-be that supporting mom should be a core objective. So teaching soon-to-be fathers to respect and support their mates became a major priority. It also became clear that while mom was the only real support a man has as he becomes a dad, nobody was teaching her how to support him. In fact, as soon as her test shows a plus sign, she gets assimilated like an immigrant into a new world where mothers reign supreme, and they neither respect fathers or the relationship between new moms and dads.

This is not good for babies, dads or moms, so to fix this problem, we have launched New Moms Hearts and Minds Project:

Dear Mom-to-be, Have We Got a Deal for You!
Once your baby arrives, you don’t want to do it all, and he doesn’t want to lose you. With a hands-on dad in the house, your baby gets the best of you both, you stay sane, and your relationship doesn’t take a dive (like way too many do). He keeps your heart and you keep your mind. You can learn how from us guys by checking out What Moms-To-Be Should Know About New Dads.
Love, Dads

When new moms and dads understand and appreciate each other, they work together, do a better job for their baby, and are happier. This is a great way to build a new family, the basic building block of humanity.

Nothing but good can come from this mom and dad collaboration. Check it out at NewMomsProject.org and tell us what you most appreciate about the support your mate provides you. We will pass it on to the moms-to-be.