Occasionally I’ve been asked, “Which twin is the bad twin?” I never know quite how to handle this question. It is as if you must always have a good twin and a bad twin.

Which is the Bad Twin?

What does “good” or “bad” even mean here? Well behaved, as opposed to always mischievous?

In observing our twins’ personalities and behaviors I don’t see that we necessarily have a “good twin” and a “bad twin” all the time. The pattern I’ve seen is that each twin plays the part. And these parts are often opposites on purpose.

When one of our girls is having a fit or throwing a temper tantrum, the other all of a sudden is the angel child.

The “good twin” in this case will call out her behavior: “I not crying,” or “I be good.” The good twin is hungry for attention and wants to be praised for good behavior.

Focusing on the Good Twin

Here, as a parent, you have the choice, do you focus on the “bad twin” to try to correct the behavior? Or do you pay attention to the “good twin” for proper behavior?

We’ve had success focusing on the good twin. The bad twin starts to see this and wants the positive attention too. It has helped curtail some (but not all) bad behavior. After all, kids will still be kids and have episodes of craziness.

As we’ve observed our twins, one does have a tendency to be more stubborn than the other. However, any given situation can see behaviors and personalities switch between our twins.

My wife notes that this difference was obvious even when the girls were still in the womb. Your wife might be able to note a similar pattern too with your twins.

Parents of twins are blessed with all types of babies. You might have two “good” babies, two “bad” babies, or a mix. You can’t predict what you’ll get when you see that first ultrasound. However, you’ll have your challenges any way you look at it. Other families you know will seem to have it easier than you do.

Do your best with what ever temperament your twins have. Over time you’ll see trends in each of your twins and will know what to expect out of each. You’ll be able to predict behavior of your twins based on the situation and will learn what works to counteract negative behaviors.

Have you observed good twin, bad twin behavior in your twins?

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How to plan paternity leave when your twins spend time in the NICU plus tips on how to raise your twins hassle-free.

Show Notes for Episode 35 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast

Listen as we discuss:

• When to take paternity leave if your twins are in the NICU
• Raising twins hassle-free

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Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help the show immensely!

Thank you all for your support!

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You can find Joe on Twitter and Facebook.

Time is a scarce commodity with twins. Especially when your twins are young, they require so much attention and effort that time seems to be lost at every turn. Here are some time saving tips for twins that will help you make the most of your day:

Advance Food Preparations

I’m a big advocate of a freezer meal shower when you’re expecting twins. This will stock your freezer with food you can eat during bed rest and the early months with twins.

The same principle is true with day to day living with twins. Keep a stash of ready-to-eat meals in the freezer that you can heat up when you have no other options.

When your twins are infants, make sure you’ve got a supply of milk or formula you can take with you on trips to help when feeding time comes.

Bathroom Before You Leave

Your Mom told you, and now you’ll tell your kids every time before you leave the house: “Did you go to the bathroom?” A potty break at home will be twice as fast (or more) as one once you leave the house. Once you’re out of the house, finding a bathroom and getting your twins to use it is a huge time waste.

When your twins are still in diapers, make sure they have fresh diapers before you venture out of the house. Unless you get a surprise poopy diaper, you should be fine until you get back home.

Pre-Position Supplies

Save time by putting your supplies right where you’ll need them. This could be around the house, in the car, or even at Grandma’s house.

We changed a lot of diapers in the family room and not in the girls’ room on their changing table. Because of this, we put a small supply of diapers and wipes out where we used them the most.

Schedule Your Activities Around Naps

Look at the schedule and see when the twins sleep and eat. Then you can plan outings and errands so those are not interrupted or delayed due to cranky babies.

You’ll need to make tradeoffs to accommodate your twins’ sleeping schedule. However, you can’t always stay home just because it is nap time. If you must be out and about during nap time, be prepared for cranky twins. And plan for a rough night’s sleep later that day.

You’ll get a feel for what happens when naps are skipped with your twins. Adapt and change accordingly.

Parallel Processing

Feed both babies at the same time. Don’t let just Mom handle all the care. If you help out, things go a lot faster.

When you try to care for twins one at a time, it will seem like you are taking care of the twins all day long. Try and split tasks between parents to make life a little easier.

What are some of your favorite time saving tips with twins?

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A twin pregnancy is significantly different from a singleton pregnancy in many ways.

Show Notes for Episode 34 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast

Listen as we discuss why a twin pregnancy is so different from a singleton pregnancy:

• Mom gets extremely large and uncomfortable
• Bed rest is highly likely
• More doctor visits and ultrasounds
• Higher risks of medical complications like preterm labor, preeclampsia, or pregnancy induced hypertension
• Babies arrive early
• Can’t take care of other kids
• Dad has to step up more
• More financial worries

Read full transcript here.

Subscribe to the Podcast

To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below:

Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes
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Share Your Thoughts

Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help the show immensely!

Thank you all for your support!

Download the Podcast

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You can find Joe on Twitter and Facebook.

I heard from a dad recently asking how could he find time to read the parenting books that he’s interested in. As a parent there is a lot of information you want to learn to help your family. Unfortunately, there just isn’t enough time.

I fully understand that there just isn’t enough time to sit down and read a good book. So if you want to learn some things, you need to think about alternative ways to consume information.

Use the Index

If you’ve got pressing concerns about a particular topic, use the index and just go straight to that part of the book. Reading ebooks like on a Kindle makes this even easier because you can search for the key words or phrases that are of interest to you.

Listen

Listening to books is a great way to learn something while you are doing something else.

I love to listen to podcasts while I’m driving to and from work or even working around the house. Because I love to listen to information on the go, I started the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast.

Books on Your Phone

I’ve got the Amazon Kindle App installed on my phone so I can read while I’m away from home or when I have a spare minute. Yes, this includes while in the bathroom. Don’t judge; you know you do it too.

Just a Little at a Time

Don’t expect to sit down and read full chapters of a book in one sitting. You’ll likely get a page or two before you are distracted or called away to other duties. This is OK.

Unlike a riveting novel that you can’t put down, reading parenting books or other nonfiction works tends to be more digestible in small chunks. I broke up my Dad’s Guide to Twins book into smaller sections for this exact reason.

Read what you can and learn what you can even if it is just a few tidbits of knowledge at a time.

It Is OK to Skim

You don’t have to read every book, word for word. If something doesn’t apply to you or interest you, skip it. Time is precious, only read what you’ll find valuable.

Read While Feeding

Once your twins are born, you’ll have lots of time where you are feeding or holding them. I personally mastered holding one infant cradled in my arm, holding my phone in that same hand, and bottle feeding with the other hand. This way I could continue to read (on my phone) without having to hold a big book or turn physical pages (which is difficult with one hand).

What creative ways have you found to read and learn new information?

Picture by Eden, Janine and Jim

Your wife has a very hard job. As a mother of twins, she is scrambling every day, all day to care for your twins – regardless of age. She deserves a break, and you know it. The question is how do you give her the break.

Here are some ideas of how you can give the twin Mom in your life a break:

Let Her Sit Down

While caring for your twins, your wife will likely go all day without sitting down. Even if you give her a few minutes to sit down and put her feet up, she will be able to do something that has eluded her all day.

Help with Daytime Feedings

Feeding both twins – whether they are breast feeding, bottle feeding, or at the kitchen table – is not an easy task.

When you are home, you need to help with feedings. This could be bottle feeding one twin while your wife feeds the other. It could be helping arrange the babies and burping them if she is breast feeding. It could be helping one kid eat at the table while your wife feeds the other.

Handle Nighttime Feedings

Give your wife the night off and handle all the overnight baby feedings. If this is too much work (which it is in the early weeks), at least get up and help feed the twins during the night.

Change All the Diapers

Pick a day and change all the diapers. Relieve your wife completely of having to worry about that for a full day.

Take the Twins Out

Give your wife a break by getting out the house and taking the twins with you. Odds are your wife has a long wish list of things she’d like to do around the house. With you and the kids gone, she’ll be able to get a break and even cross some things off her to-do list.

Watch the Twins While Mom Goes Out

Being “trapped” at home with the twins is a surefire way to go crazy and get cabin fever. Volunteer to watch the kids while your wife goes out. She might have a night out with friends or just want to run an errand by herself. Make it happen.

Run the Errands

Go to the grocery store or let her go by herself without the kids. Doing any kind of errand takes extra physical and mental effort when the twins are in tow.

Get the Twins Dressed

Get the twins dressed in the morning before you leave for work. It is then one less thing that Mom needs to take care of during the day.

Handle Bath Time

You should handle bath time with your twins. When they are really young, this might be a two-person job. However, once you master the basics, you should be able to handle this responsibility and give Mom a break.

Go Out On a Date

Arrange for a babysitter and go out on a date. You know, like you used to do before the twins came. It will be good for both of you!

What other things have you done to help give Mom a break from the twins?

Picture by Larry Jacobsen

I discuss where to put your twins down for a nap in the home, how to involve the grandparents and set proper expectations with them about visits, and what to do when your twins are struggling to potty train.

Show Notes for Episode 33 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast

Click links for transcripts:

• Where to sleep twins during nap time
• How to involve the grandparents and set proper expectations
• How to get wayward potty training twins back on track and trained

Subscribe to the Podcast

To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below:

Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes
Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed)

Share Your Thoughts

Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help the show immensely!

Thank you all for your support!

Download the Podcast

Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”)

You can find Joe on Twitter and Facebook.

Both your twins are crying. What do you do? Is it OK to leave one twin crying while you attend to the other?

Absolutely. It is perfectly fine to let one or both of your twins cry.

Crying is natural and your twins will cry a lot. Don’t expect total silence all the time in your home.

Control Your Emotions

Don’t freak out when both your twins are crying at the same time. Don’t get upset or mad at your twins. They love you, they just can’t tell you that yet.

Take a deep breath and relax. It is not the end of the world.

One at a Time

When you are home alone and caring for the twins, it isn’t always possible to help both at the same time. It is easier and perfectly acceptable to help one twin at a time.

In fact, with twins it is almost a necessity to do things one at a time. So don’t feel guilty about making a crying baby wait for his or her sibling.

Which Twin to Soothe

You’ll need to triage your babies to determine which one you should soothe first. Over time you’ll learn to identify different types of cries from your twins. You’ll know when something is serious or when something can wait.

If you aren’t sure how to assess the situation, pick up the loudest and most upset twin first.

If possible, try to help the other twin self soothe. Give her a pacifier. Put her in a bouncy seat. Let her rock in a baby swing. Try a temporary soothe where you don’t have to physically soothe that twin.

This will free up your hands to aid the most distressed baby.

When holding and soothing our twins, we had great success with the principles from The Happiest Baby on the Block and the 5 S’s: sucking, swaying, swaddle, side/stomach, shushing.

When we tried each of these techniques, our twins would calm down and we could then put the happy baby down while we attended to the other.

Picture by Jayashree B

Learn when you should start preparing for your twins, how to make sleeping arrangements for your twins (and older kids), and tips for creating some order out of the chaos that comes with young twins in the home.

Show Notes for Episode 32 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast

Click links for transcripts:

• When should you start preparing for twins?
• How to handle kids’ sleeping arrangements to accommodate newborn twins and older children
• 3 tips for creating order out of chaos with twins

Subscribe to the Podcast

To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below:

Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes
Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed)

Share Your Thoughts

Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help the show immensely!

Thank you all for your support!

Download the Podcast

Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”)

You can find Joe on Twitter and Facebook.

If you’ve got healthy, full-term twins, you should be able to travel even when your kids are newborns. How you travel may impact your plans.

Air Travel

Air travel with infants is generally very safe. However, some airlines will let you fly your babies only when they are older than 2 weeks old. You’ll need to have a copy of the birth certificates. If you’re flying before the twins turn 2 weeks old, you’ll need a medical release note from the pediatrician. Check with your specific airline to confirm the details of traveling with newborns.

The good news is that you can carry the twins on your laps (one baby per lap) until age 2 and save money by not buying airfare for them. Be sure to check in at the airport and tell the agent you have lap children.

Healthy Babies

You want to give your newborn twins time to adjust to life in the cruel, germ-filled world. While a 2-week-old baby’s immune system is good and getting better, try to give your babies more time to get established and strong before venturing out on a big trip. If your trip isn’t absolutely necessary, postpone it for later.

Doctor Visits

You’ll be taking your twins to the doctor a lot over the first few months for well-baby checkups. Make sure your travel plans don’t interfere with getting your twins to the pediatrician.

Good Routines Help Travel

The younger your twins, the less likely you’ve figured out what you’re doing. You’re still learning how to manage and feed twins. The babies are learning how to live. Once you can get into a good routine with your twins, any trip will go a lot smoother.

Once your twins are on a predictable feeding and sleeping schedule, you can plan your trip to take best advantage of those times.

Before you venture out on a cross-country trip, try getting out of the house with the twins. If you can’t handle a trip to the store or a walk around the block, you need to wait before you go out of town on a big trip.

Easier When They’re Little

In retrospect, our infant twins were easier to travel with than our under-age-2 toddler twins. Infants sleep or stay put in your arms. Toddlers (especially as lap children) are a constant tornado of motion and energy. Unfortunately, controlling twinadoes on an airplane is not easy.

We’ve found each trip with our twins is different. They mature a little bit and every time has different challenges.

Happy trails!

Picture by Liz Henry