Daily Distraction

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2011-04-30T03:02:34-07:00

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The Suck of the Irish

2010-03-13T09:35:23-08:00

Today, someone sent me an 'Irish Friendship Wish.' Fine. I like friends. And I like the Irish, generally. You know, as much as I generally like any nationality. Except the Germans.

But this 'Friendship Wish' was like a dirty bomb in my email inbox. Just read:

An Irish Friendship Wish (Good Luck!! I hope it works...)

May there always be work for your hands to do

May your purse always hold a coin or two

May the sun always shine on your window pane

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain

May the hand of a friend always be near you

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you

Not bad, right? Hackneyed and unimaginative, but kind enough in its sentiment. Nice.

Then, THIS:

OK, this is what you have to do...Send this to all of your friends...including the one who sent it! But - you HAVE to send this within 1 hour From when you open it!
Now................Make A wish!!!!!!
I hope you made your wish! Now then, if you send to:
1 person --- your wish will be granted in 1 year, 3 people --- 6 months, 5 people --- 3 months, 6 people --- 1 month, 7 people --- 2 weeks, 8 people --- 1 week, 9 people --- 5 days, 10 people --- 3 days, 12 people - -- 2 days, 15 people --- 1 day, 20 people --- 3 hours
If you delete this after you read it . You will have 1 year of bad luck! But .. If you send it to 2 of your friends you will automatically have 3 years of good luck!!! )

WTF?? What is this? A fucking ransom note? It's like a curse. The kind soul who sent this to me thought it would be nice to send me a little 'luck,' but didn't consider for a moment the THREAT at the bottom of the letter? 'You will have 1 year of bad luck!'

Hey, thanks so much for the email and the TASK of having to send this fucking thing to 20 people if I want to see my 'luck' change in 3 hours. You know what? I'd rather get viagra spam than this kind of superstitious black cloud sent my way.

And besides, the only reason you sent this to me in the first place was so you could cover your ass on YOUR end in order for this witch's spell to work for YOU.

This is the problem with the internet. It engenders unbelievable selfishness. Just cuz you want luck, you're willing to throw me under the bus??

Well, no thank you, Irish Witch. I want no part of your (likely) pagan rituals of luck and curses. It's done you no good as far as I can tell and every time I look for a pot of gold under your damn rainbows over the Valley, all I find is Burbank.

Bleek's Nature - My company made this and I am proud.

2009-11-11T11:03:29-08:00

Bleek's Nature - watch more funny videos

Sarah Palin is More than Dumb - She's Dangerous

2009-08-11T09:46:53-07:00

And Keith Olberman has voiced his concern much better than I ever could...

How to Start Your Day Off Weird

2009-08-05T10:44:09-07:00

Wake up with hives. That's the best way to start the day feeling like you're: a) Cursed and b)Unlovable. My arm, my RIGHT BUTT CHEEK, my shoulder, my lower thighs and the right side of my abs (by which I mean 'belly') are covered in nasty, red, flat bumps that itch like nobody's business.

WTF???

This is why the OT authors wrote about Job, clearly. Cuz some Jew was gonna wake up 2000 years later and think, 'Ok, God has abandoned me and the result is uncomfortable deformity, so I should probably just end it now.' Job had it worse than I did, apparently, so I'm meant to reflect on how I don't have it so bad. But this blows.

Also: Got sunscreen in my eye yesterday on the way down to Disneyland. Yup. And you hear all the time how sucky that is, but I'm here to tell you this: It will Ruin your trip to Disneyland. I hardly ate any crap - that's how irritated I was.

What the hell is the point of blogging if I don't get my complainin' on?

McMarketing for McIdiots

2009-08-03T13:14:26-07:00

Am I the only one annoyed by these McDonald's commercials for their McCafe sugar drink/coffee where it's set at some sort of bizarre 80's Spike Lee 'coffee/jazz club' with a smooth MC wearin his retro hipster hat and talkin his pseudo spoken word/bullshit poetry rap to an audience exclusively made up of black people who like shit coffee? Are black people falling for this crap? It's the HEIGHT of pandering as far as I'm concerned, and I suppose I don't have a right to be offended but jesus motherfucking christ am I offended. Really? Coffee for black people? That's your campaign for this crap? And it's not the Black People part that bums me out - it's the Jazz Cafe host and the implication that the African American community will respond to the concept that McDonald's over-embellished coffee drink is 'smooth and cool' as Jazz.

I am a Croc. I am an Island.

2009-07-24T14:47:39-07:00

So yesterday's LA Times had a bit about how Crocs are going under. The company's in shambles, the shoes are ugly, we were all idiots last year for wearing them.

Just now a friend IM'd me that she was embarrassed her young daughter wanted to buy a pair for herself.

Well I'm here to tell you all something very important. Crocs are a marvel of cobbling science. They're light, they're comfortable, they never ever smell.

More important - they may be ugly, but they cover up the nasty fucking feet and toes of so many people who insist on foisting that shit in front of my very tender eyes.

Just cuz it's hot doesn't mean i have to look at your feet.

There, I said it.

The Great Equalizer

2009-03-24T14:36:01-07:00

While I've never been to Russia, I imagine the Mosk Courthouse in downtown Los Angeles is as close to Soviet Era architecture as any building I've ever set foot in. A mid-century behemoth, the marbled halls and aging oak paneled court rooms convey less a sense of legal solidity then the quality of mind numbing bureacracy I'd associate with a bloated government.

You've Gotta Be Fucking Kidding

2008-10-06T10:39:18-07:00

I know I’m a little late on this, but

I've had it, man. I don't find winking charming. I find it creepy. Always. This Palin woman has garnered UNIMAGINABLE praise from what she would call 'The Mainstream Media' for not shitting the bed during her debate last week. And while most acknowled ge Biden's supremacy, I feel compelled to put it out there that WE WATCHED A CANDIDATE FOR EXECUTIVE OFFICE WINK AT THE CAMERA DURING HER ONLY DEBATE. Seve ral times.

HOW STUPID ARE WE that we take this person seriously? I understand the caveat that we underestimate this person at our peril, but I believe, long-term, that we overestimate her at our peril, too. Because as long as we keep reducing our standards to allow for impossibly underqualified candidates for office, then those candidates will continue to have a lower and lower standard to live up to. And few, if any, will ris e above it.

I believe that Sarah Palin is the logical successor to George W. Bush. Our expectations for intelligent, thoughtful, careful leadership have been sufficiently lowered to allow her to wink her way into the race because the people who opened the door for her think we're all idiots. As well they should: we elected Bush twice. We've been sufficiently inoculated against high expectation for our leadership and now someone less experienced and (unimaginably) less intelligent is being taken seriously as a candidate for high office. The Republican leadership and McCain's campaign managers think that most Americans will be mollified by a wink and some lipstick.

I thought George Bush was bad, but this lady’s worse. Wait’ll you see what comes down the pike in four more years. (Wink).

The Need for Distraction

2008-06-11T12:26:27-07:00

Those of you who know me will know why the need for distraction has never been greater right now. I've had my head fully rammed up my own ass for about a month and have found the internet and action/sci-fi/dumb comedy films and the easiest of crossword puzzles to be the only things that keep me from freaking out.

This blog is my friend's latest regarding the movie business - he runs an amazing summer movie box office competition and his take on the film industry is pretty sharp. Check it out: