Daily Dos and Dont's

Do: Autotune…

bbelt — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 21:56:20 +0000

“To surgery Dr. Grossmaaaaan, Dr. Grossman to surgery…”

There is nothing more fun than sounding like T-Pain. And Ellen’s right, everything sounds better when its digitaliiiiized. Just imagine the conference calls you could have with this thing…

Need to say something with style? Get an iPhone and then immediately download the app featured below.

Don’t: Baby Talk…

bbelt — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 21:51:49 +0000

We can all appreciate the loveliness of being in A Relationship – but we don’t need to read about yours. Unfortunately, Facebook, Twitter, etc. has made it all too easy for couples to Share Too Much.

A few pointers to these folks…We don’t need, or want, to read about any of the following:

Countdowns on Facebook of every hour you are separated: “2 hours til my baby is back! 1 hour til my baby is back!”
Broadcasting (very) personal details: “Trying for baby #2!”
Your pet names: “my swan, cupcake, rubber duck, etc.”

To laugh more at said couples fill free to join the fun at this blog…really…

Do: Hardcore, Half-naked Fans…

bbelt — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 20:05:34 +0000

Because nothing says Dedication like ripping your shirt off mid-October and shaving your head.

It’s letters on a bare chest in sub 50 temperatures, paint in your hair, wild hand signals, and large view-blocking posters.

Because it’s awesome, it’s gritty, it’s Football Season!!!

Do: Remember to tailgate….

Don’t: Bathroom Photo Shoots…

bbelt — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 19:43:18 +0000

Ah, we share the same taste in both toothbrushes and face wash. Excellent!

Everyone knows there’s no better way to showcase one’s personality than to artistically frame the face with both hand dryers and bathroom stalls. Yes xxxLacrossQTxxx and ImURMan we’re talking about you and your gross MySpace-esque antics. Extra points for puckering your lips, wearing your sunglasses indoors, and taking your shirt off.

We don’t want to see your friend’s shoes underneath the stall as you tilt your camera’s blinding flash into your own reflection…

The word “icky” comes to mind…

Do: Stick Around…

bbelt — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 21:26:21 +0000

After a brief hiatus (something about a change of jobs and a new apartment) – beginning Monday Daily Dos and Don’ts will continue once again. Suggestions always welcome…

Do: Call Shotgun…

bbelt — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:05:21 +0000

Despite the statistics that the passenger seat is the most dangerous place to be during a car crash, everyone knows that it’s worth the risk to avoid being Middle Hump Seat person, or getting your knees crushed by the seat in front of you.

Calling shotgun means a front row seat to all the action, and the ability to comment on the driving skills of your chauffeur without being accused of “backseat driving…” So get up front, pick some tunage, and put your feet on the dashboard. You called shotgun!

The official rules of shotgun…

Don’t: Burst personal bubbles…

bbelt — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 22:53:58 +0000

There is something incredibly unnerving about the Close Talker. You lean back, they move forward, you lean back, they move forward. You eventually give in and allow them to breathe essence of tuna sandwich about four inches from your face. The whole time you look wildly around for some sort of reason to high tail it in the other direction.

If you can see their pores…back away…

Do: Make the yellow light…

bbelt — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 20:04:24 +0000

Is there a better feeling than gunning it through the intersection just in the nick of time?

No. That rush of adrenaline, the cold sweat as you glance around for The Man.

“But officer, it was aaaaamber”.

This is experience is much better if your passengers give you props for your smooth driving skills. And to think, you may have had to stop…

Don’t: Put DVDs in the wrong cases…

bbelt — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 19:47:42 +0000

“Awesome, I was so in the mood to watch Forrest Gump…”

“Wait…what the…”

Oh yes, somebody managed to sneak How The Grinch Stole Christmas into the box. Then, what’s in that case? When Harry Met Sally.

You are getting panicky, you absolutely must watch Forrest Gump. You rip open all your DVD cases in a frantic match-making activity that is both painstakingly slow and ridiculously annoying. Instead of relaxing with your Movie of Choice you are now sprawled on your floor alphabetizing your collection and hating on everyone that has ever touched your DVDs.

Next time you think about sticking Boondock Saints in your cousin’s Aladdin case, think again…

Do: Get the first spoonful of peanut butter…

bbelt — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 16:37:59 +0000

There is something wonderful about staring at that perfect surface right before you dig your spoon into it. You get that surge of little kid excitement, as if you are about to push a button someone told you not to. Will you go for the middle? Swirl your spoon around the edge? Leave the silver seal hanging on so the next person thinks they got the new jar but really….you did?

Fight for it, grab a spoon and get in there!!!

Other things that come close (but not quite): marshmallow fluff, nutella.