The Daily Fail

Clinton Calls For Internet Freedom, Banning of WikiLeaks

jazz — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 20:46:32 +0000

Famed freedom fighter and US Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton, has today issued a warning to repressive governments to cease their restrictions on free speech OR ELSE. The speech was a reaction to the Egyptian uprising, in which thousands of protesters succeeded in ending the tyrannical thirty year reign of Hosni Mubarak. The uprisings across [...]

Assange Incarcerated: WikiLeaks Founder Denied Jailed Over Allegations

jazz — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 15:36:26 +0000

An online parley of inter-galactic proportions has commenced on the interwebs following the continual fallout from the arrest of WikiLeaks founder, and governmental pain-in-the-ass Julian Assange. Mr Assange was arrested this morning in London after the release of a European arrest warrant over allegations that he sexually assaulted two women while living in Sweden. 39-year-old [...]

Quote of the Day: Aung San Suu Kyi

jazz — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 12:48:51 +0000

“If my people are not free, how can you say I’m free?” Long-term political prisoner of Burma and pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi on her recent release.

Police To Probe ‘Embarassing’ Millbank Protests

jazz — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 20:29:36 +0000

The police have launched an inquiry to examine why the police failed to contain riots which erupted during student protests of the cuts in higher education. Prime Minister David Cameron has welcomed the probe (as he welcomes all probes) to investigate how violence escalated to beyond the control of London law enforcement. Thousands of students [...]

MSNBC Un-Suspends Olbermann After Whopping 2-day Ban

jazz — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 17:38:09 +0000

MSNBC has decided to end its cruel and unusual punishment of ‘Countdown’ host Keith Olbermann, after an almost unbearable 48 hours, when I was forced to make up my own mind about political events. Like the needy and alcoholic wife it is, MSNBC has gone crawling back to its most popular, but sometimes abusive, anchor [...]

Journalism Fail

jazz — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 23:10:20 +0000

A series of journalists attempt to do the 11am news live on Channel 10 in San Diego. Hilarity ensues.

BREAKING: Obama ‘Could Be Ousted From White House’

jazz — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 19:59:48 +0000

The Daily Fail can EXCLUSIVELY and HYSTERICALLY reveal that Barack Obama could be voted out of office this week, in light of historically low polling results. Sources in Washington reveal that the results of the November mid-terms could be so execrable that Mr Obama could be deposed from office to save the ordeal of having [...]

Brazil Signs Own Death Warrant, Elects Woman President

jazz — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 00:01:37 +0000

The nation of Brazil has committed kamikaze this week by electing a female – and former Marxist guerrilla no less – as its new president. Dilma Rousseff polled 56 percent of votes, compared to 44 percent by her nearest rival, José Serra. It is estimated that 135 million Brazilians went to the polls yesterday to [...]

World Mourns Psychic Octopus

jazz — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 11:43:22 +0000

The world has been left mourning the news that Paul the psychic octopus, has died. The octopus, of Oberhausen, Germany, shot to worldwide fame after correctly predicting the results of all Germany’s World Cup matches and forecasting Spain’s win in the final. A statement released by the aquarium where Paul lived read: “Management and staff [...]

Pyromaniacs On Standby As London Firefighters Prepare To Strike

jazz — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 15:12:24 +0000

Flame enthusiasts across Britain are currently making their way to London for a display of glorious and unauthorised pyrotechnics, as Thousands of the city’s firefighters are preparing to strike over contract disputes. Members of the Fire Brigades Union will walk out on Saturday for eight hours, starting from 10am, leaving an ideal opening for some [...]