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On the show today: the 69 year-old whores that are now documentary stars, Marvel does a nice thing for a def kid, tropical storm headed for Florida, Bill Clinton poses with porn stars, grumpy men, drive-thru guns, 65lb tumor and more.

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On the show today: Shaq to GM the Magic, man divorces woman over hundreds of cats, woman busted with 65 cats that she was eating, crazy pastor’s gay extinction theory, Anderson Cooper is a scumbag, you can flash your headlights and more.

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On the show today: drunk guy has zebra and parrot in his truck, save a kid and get a ticket, parents egg daughter and cover her in beer, man charged with felony for slapping kid in movie theater, the super hot Olympic virgin and more.

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On the show today: little kid gets an alcoholic drink, woman fired for being too hot, man dies after drinking while weightlifting, DC superhero to be rebooted as a gay character, Rutgers trial sentence handed down, SpaceX launches and more.

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On the show today: flesh eating bacteria chick is not doing well, SpaceX rocket launch scrubbed at last second, NATO protesters are ridiculous, Mark Zuckerberg gets married, father of 30 kids can’t pay child support, the Preakness and more.

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On the show today: Man found alive 7 days after crashing car, John Travolta sex suit dismissed, nude woman enters lumber store, man sues doctor after penile implant gone wrong, boy finds finger in Arby’s sandwich, blackface kid and more.

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On the show today: Pastor hides cameras in bathroom stalls, man dies while getting lap dances, couple commits suicide in cemetery, man swallows $20,000 diamond – police not-so-eagerly await it’s return, the Kennedy curse and more.

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On the show today: Parents let 9 year-old give up on cancer treatment, Jesus makes an appearance on The Bachelor, my middle school teacher is in hot water, young girl says even the slightest sound is unbearable, surviving a crash and more.

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On the show today: ‘Golden Voice’ bum update, never trust strippers, bride stabbed to death in wedding dress, woman learns she actually bought the house next door, tan mom wants to be in Playboy, John Travolta accuser interview and more.

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On the show today: Postal worker says mysterious package made him sick, 3rd grade test question asks for secrets, castaway sues cruise line for drive by, football player dies during charity game, man gets 19th DUI, armed blind guys and more.

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On the show today: ‘Rack City’ teacher suspended, postal workers hate nude customers, man dies jumping in front of bullet to save girlfriend, olympic torch runner can’t keep torch lit, child porn sword attack, boobs in Time and more.

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On the show today: The world’s fattest bride, John Travolta accusers start piling up, Amy Winehouse self-portrait made of blood, world’s strongest girl shows off, arrested man’s twin excuse is true, biggest wave ever and more.

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On the show today: Naked teens were playing ‘perdiddle,’ the Hot Dog Whore goes on a fantastic rant, urban chickens to take over Orlando, a bunch of Nazis arrested, woman forces co-worker to motorboat her, bullied kid with taser and more.

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On the show today: Man dives in to pool of acid to save drowning co-worker, ‘Meow’ the incredibly fat cat is now dead, pills filled with powdered human baby flesh, another monkey on the loose, underwear bomb plot thwarted and more.

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On the show today: Pastor encourages parents to beat the gay out of their kids, another female teacher has sex with a student, update on the incest mom story, the crazy tanning mom responds, 9 year-old kid is an avid nudist and more.

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On the show today: Junior Seau commits suicide, Al Qaeda calls for forest fires, man locked in holding cell without water or food for five days, the man who quit money, neighbors battle with chainsaws and samurai swords and more.

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On the show today: Cady Way Trail slaying suspect in jail, Obama makes surprise visit to Afghanistan, mother arrested for allegedly taking daughter into tanning booth, grandparents drag daughter behind car, mother busted for incest and more.

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On the show today: Dougherty ‘gang’ family members sentenced, parking lot owner takes cars home, let’s blame everything on ‘Dr. Paul’ from now on, California man sues BMW over persistent erections, Discovery Channel crashes 727 and more.

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On the show today: Baby killed by dog, blind activist escapes to U.S. embassy in China, White House Correspondents Dinner, Missouri tent collapse, man kills family hides in crazy bunker, angry ex-girlfriend removes man’s teeth and more.

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On the show today: Zimmerman pulls in $200,000 in online donations, the NFL draft, child services clears Octomom, Norwegians sings song killer hates, do little kids deserve all foul balls?, ‘Farewell Intercourse’ law debate in Egypt and more.

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