Remember, never be a slave to another – in thought, word or deed!  Every single one of us has been gifted with incredible powers by the Source and it is by using these powers (especially our power to think rationally) that we can learn to make Daily Happy Living a reality!

However I find that a lot of people balk at the idea of questioning the teachings of sages and gurus (even if the teachings sound false)!   They are afraid that they are not good enough to question age-old beliefs and traditions.  They ask, just as my wife did: “Who am I to question those learned and well-known teachers or gurus?”

To them I say:  “Who do you have to be?  As long as you can think rationally and come to logical conclusions, you are qualified to question any and everyone!”    In fact I will go one step further in this post.   I shall give an actual critique of a very, very famous person with millions of followers!   I am speaking of none other than the Buddha himself!

I dare to do this because Buddha himself gives me this right to question in his famous quote:

“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.” – The Buddha

So with the Buddha’s kind permission here goes my critique of him and his philosophy:

Remember I myself have used several of the Buddha’s positive sayings in this very blog.  Quotes such as these:

1. “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”
   
2. “Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
3. “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”

BUT that does not mean I have to accept EVERYTHING he says!

For example he has something totally negative to say about this world: “This world is one of suffering!” - Buddha

Now let me ask you: “Is that conclusion really true?   Is the world only one of suffering?  Isn’t there untold joy and beauty and inspiration and achievements to be enjoyed, and adventures to be undertaken, in this world so generously made by the Creator?”

Because Prince Gautama’s focus was totally on the negative aspect of life: “Why is there so much suffering and pain in this world?”  he was not able to discover the joy and happiness that is inherent in this world.

He was a prince, living in a palace, with a doting father (the king), lovely wife and children!   But because he was so ‘focused‘ on suffering and death, he could not enjoy the love of his family and the joys of fatherhood!   Instead of asking “How can I help make life more comfortable for those who are suffering in my kingdom?”  he was asking “Why is there suffering in this world?”

No wonder joy and peace eluded him, and finally he did the most selfish deed of sneaking out in the middle of the night like a coward (without any goodbyes to his wife and children or his father) – to find the answers to his negative questions about life!

And because he was focused only on the suffering, after all that meditation under the Bodhi tree, he came to the ridiculous conclusion: “This world is one of suffering!”

What a contradiction to his own saying: “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”   Even though he knew that  ‘what we think we become’ he chose to think of misery instead of joy.

Thus the Buddha is definitely NOT a role-model for Happy Living!   Because it is our beliefs and our focus that enables us to create a happy or a miserable life!  And if we believe that the world is one of suffering, and we focus on that aspect, how then can we be happy?

The Buddha was also obsessed with the question: “Why do people have to die?”  As though death were such a terrible thing to happen!  If he truly believed this world is one of misery, he and the rest of us should be only too happy to die!  Why continue to stay and suffer? 

If life is only misery, would not death be the easiest way out?  And shouldn’t we mourn any and all births?  But we do not do so!  Instead almost all of us mourn death and celebrate birth!  WHY?

Because we know in our heart of hearts, that life is to be celebrated; life is a gift; a chance to experience; to grow; to achieve, to overcome challenges, to solve problems, to evolve, and in general fulfill the Creator’s purpose in creating this World and us Humans!

Again, why would anyone want to be an immortal on earth?  Personally I have no wish to be immortal here on earth!   How boring it would be to have to continue to have the same experiences forever?   Once I have lived this life fully, I believe death would be a wonderful new start.   Something like being transferred to a new school or university!   There will be more wonderful experiences to be had in the next life or the next dimension – because the Creator is one of Infinite Love.

The only way this world could be one of misery is if we choose to believe so!   A loving Divine Father would never create a world just to make us the children suffer!  Only a sadistic, dictator of a God would deign to do so!   And since I believe (from all my observations of nature) that God is a being of Infinite Love & Compassion, it would be sacrilegious for me to say that this world is one of suffering and misery!

Thus even the ‘enlightened’ ones are not without their little follies and errors!  Everyone who is born into this world is here for the continued evolution of his/her soul using the experiences of life to grow.   If one is already perfect then there is no need to be born in this particular world! 

Therefore no one born into this world is perfect; thus we cannot expect them to be right all the time!  Hence we have every right to question any and everyone until the answers ‘agrees with our own reason and common-sense’!

End of Critique!

I hope that in this post, I have helped answer the one question that seems to bother the majority of people in this world: “How dare we question the sayings of learned gurus and teachers?   Who am I to question long-held beliefs and traditions?”

You don’t have to be anyone in particular!  Each one of you has the Divine Spark within you – if you have common-sense and can reason logically, then you too are qualified to question the sayings of anyone and come to your own conclusions.   Best of all you don’t even need to leave your family and friends and go into the wilderness!   Because the power to question and get answers is right there, in your own mind – not out there in the so-called holy places.   As the Buddha himself has said while inspired: “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”

Cheers!  As always Expect Happiness, not Misery!

As for today, I would like to discuss false prophets, mentors, and masters and their role in our daily happy living!

About three months ago, another false prophet bit the dust – when Harold Camping’s prophecy of Doomsday on 21st May 2011 did NOT happen!

But the 89 year old Camping, with his radio show had enough influence to get many believers/followers!

Unbelievably, there was one guy who spent $140,000 to advertise the ‘Rapture’ – or doomsday.  There was another who maxed out his credit card taking his family on a road trip to the Grand Canyon (expecting not to have to pay up, since the world would end on May 21st)!

I am shocked that even in this 21st Century there are people who refuse to use their God-given brains to reason out things logically.  Or perhaps I should not be shocked, because after all the purpose of this very blog is to get more people to ‘think for themselves, instead of blindly relying on others (so-called ‘prophets’, ‘masters’ or ‘gurus’)!

False prophets have been conning the world for ages.  Remember Rev Jim Jones who in the seventies led a few hundred followers to commit suicide by taking cyanide laced drinks at Guyana.  On November 18, 1978, as many as 909 Temple members died in Jonestown, Guyana in an event termed “revolutionary suicide” by Jones.

There have been many others, especially in America, where a lot of them became popular through the use of the media such as TV and Radio.

But as they say ‘a fool is born every minute’ so there are plenty of followers around for every new ‘self-proclaimed prophet, master or guru’ that comes along!

Personally, I feel that what the world needs now are more Mentors and NOT Masters/Gurus for reasons I will explore in this post.

Mentor-Protege versus Master-Disciple (or Guru-Sishya)

A good Mentor is already successful at something and is willing to help another to succeed too, even if it were to be in a competing business!  She is generous with her knowledge and is happy when her protege also succeeds.   She does not treat the Protege as an inferior but as a friend.   She respects the inborn ability of a human being and is willing to help the person develop his own talents!

A good example of a great Mentor -Protege relationship is that of Sir Richard Branson (founder of Virgin) and Dato Tony Fernandez (founder of Air Asia).   Branson started Virgin Airlines -the first Low-Cost Airline- and was highly successful.   In fact he is a celebrity billionaire.  Yet he is simple and down to earth in his dealings with his subordinates.  Now his protege, Tony has done him proud by the fact that Air Asia has won the coveted title of ‘Best Low Cost Airline in the World’!

Recently we came across the friendly wager between the Mentor (Branson) and the Protege (Tony Fernandez):  Both were involved in Formula I Racing and it was agreed that whoever finishes lower at the end of the series would have to become a stewardess (uniform and all) and fly one route on the other’s Airline.   Branson’s racing team finished lower than Tony’s and so Branson had to become a stewardess on Air Asia for one flight from London to KL!

Thus a mentor can be a teacher as well as a friend to his protege.  Isn’t that an ideal way for knowledge to be transmitted?

Now can you imagine that sort of friendly rivalry between a Master and his Disciple?   No way!   The disciple has to keep prostrating himself before his master (guru or sifu) and worship his master – if he is to get any knowledge from him!

And it is a well-known saying that e.g. a kungfu master will never teach ALL that he knows to his disciple, but will retain some so as to maintain his superiority!   If each master were to do this, the knowledge cannot be fully transferred and each subsequent disciple will get less and less information!  What a poor way to transfer knowledge for the good of others.

Another famous mentor-protege association that we know of are Oprah and Dr.Oz where Oprah helped Dr. Oz get his own TV show!

What is the point of this post?  The point is that if we want to improve ourselves and succeed in our life, we should seek out a good mentor rather than a know-it-all guru or master!

Remember, never be a slave to another – in thought, word or deed!  Every single one of us has been gifted with incredible powers by the Source and it is by using these powers (especially our power to think rationally) that we can learn to make Daily Happy Living a reality!

This is an extreme example of what I mean when people don’t use their God given mind/intellect to think things through!  As if by their ‘obeying’ their husband’s every ‘whim and fancy’ they will be able to keep him from straying – if he already has a wandering eye!   Also it puts a different take on accepting responsibility for one’s actions – they are advocating taking responsibility for their husbands misdeeds and leaving him blameless!

Effectively, what they are saying is that when a man strays it is the wife’s fault!  To take this type of thinking further – it means the perpetrator of any misdemeanor or even crime is excused and the victim is to be blamed!

We have seen this kind of thinking amongst mindless male chauvinists – who claim that when a man commits rape, it is the victim’s fault for wearing revealing clothes and arousing his lust! At this rate the lawyers are going to use this as the best defense of the rapist:” Your Honor, my client is not at fault.  The victim was dressed in revealing clothes, which aroused him uncontrollably.  If the woman had kept herself covered from head to toe – this would not have happened.  So the woman is at fault here – not my poor client!”

What next?

1. The car thief claiming as his defense: “I only stole the car because it looked so shiny and bright!  If the owner had kept it in a bad condition, I would never have been tempted to steal it.  So I am not at fault – it is all the owner’s fault for tempting me!”
   
2. Or the housebreaker’s defense: “Your Honor, I would never have broken into this house if it had looked run-down.  So it is the owner’s fault for keeping his house in great condition, which tempted me.”  etc.

So  the male perpetrator is NEVER at fault – only the victim is!  How absurd? To think that even in this 21st Century there are people believing such ‘male chauvinist’ crap and they are aided and abetted by so called ‘obedient or subservient’ wives beggars belief!

Such wives cannot find real happiness – because they believe that their happiness is wholly dependent on the actions of another! Even if they obey every whim and fancy of their husband, if he is inclined to wander, he will – no matter what she does or how attractive she keeps herself.  We can read about such reports daily (think the professional football players, the political leaders around the world, the celebrities, the music idols etc.).  No matter how attractive the wife keeps herself, and ‘obeys’ him, there is no guarantee that the philandering man will be satisfied.

By the way, please don’t assume that this is the rant of a bra-burning feminist.  I am just a concerned male who feels it is an insult to the majority of us men to think that just because the wife is ‘not in the mood’ we go running off to the prostitute!

Let me assure the reader that I am a husband, who has been married to the same wife for more that 37 years – even though she did not always ‘obey’ me all the time and was indisposed on numerous occasions!

Till my next post, as always “Expect Happiness!”.

Related articles

• The Obedient Wives’ Club: Muslim Advocate Tells Women That It Is Their Duty Under The Koran Is To Service Husbands Like “First-Class Prostitutes” (jonathanturley.org)
• Obedient Wives Club in Malaysia promotes good sex (sfgate.com)

I realize that my last few posts may have caused a little annoyance with some readers!

That is only natural as we all tend to treasure our old beliefs (even if they are probably mistaken) and get somewhat upset when our beliefs are challenged!

However, as I have repeatedly said, ‘beliefs are not absolute reality’ and are oftentimes replaced with new beliefs when we find that the old ones are incompatible with the reality of life & living!

So since this is a blog about ‘Happy Living’, let me share something positive that will not upset, but generate happiness:

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Happy Living Tip #11: “Stop Trying to Convince Others!”

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In other words “Don’t Argue!” We can always express our own views, but do not expect others to think likewise.  To keep trying to convert others to our beliefs is counter-productive to happiness (both theirs and ours).

As has been said by some wise person before:  “A person convinced against his/her will, is of the same opinion still!”

So we cannot really change people’s beliefs!   They have to do it by themselves.

But the more important thing to notice (regarding Happy Living) is this:  We do NOT feel good when we argue! Instead we feel angry, we feel upset, we feel like retaliating etc.  Thus arguing is not a happiness inducing practice!

Does this mean that we should never speak out if our beliefs are different from that of others?  Not at all!

We can and should voice out our thoughts and beliefs BUT we must leave the choice of whether to accept it or not to the listeners!

If we follow the above rule, we would not get involved in futile arguments which only causes upset and unhappiness.

How am I qualified to talk about this?  At one time my greatest weakness was that I liked to argue and try to force others to accept my views.

I argued about the news, I argued about movies, I argued about politics, about any and everything.  I needed to win the argument at all costs!  This was very draining and stress-inducing for me and for those unfortunate enough to be within my earshot!

It took me a long time to realize that this type of behavior was anti-social and only caused because of my lack of good self-image!

What a relief it was when I learned self-acceptance and did NOT need the approval of others to prop up my self-image.

I could still say what I truly felt – without trying to force anyone to accept what I had to say.  So I was free to express my views and the listeners were free to choose whether my views made sense or not.

That is how I came up with this quote:

I now accept that ‘everyone is  perfect at his/her own level of evolution’, hence it makes no sense for me to try to convert anyone to my point of view!  Let each one work out his/her own evolutionary path. – Gopi Menon

So that is Happy Living Tip #11:  “Stop Trying to Convince Others!”

Till my next post, as always, Expect Happiness!

Are you FRUSTRATED and absolutely CONFUSED with the TRADITIONAL methods taught for Achieving HAPPINESS?

You are NOT alone!

Throughout my childhood, my teenage and adulthood, I too have been absolutely confused and disappointed with the traditional methods for achieving happiness taught to us by ancient religious teachers and philosophers!

So for decades I have been avidly researching `happiness’ and after much introspection seem to have finally stumbled upon the true way to be happy every day of our lives!

It is a simple way provided by nature and does not consist of spending hours meditating, or droning out so-called sacred words, or carrying out ritual worship in the hope of receiving happiness!

Best of all this God given process is quick and easy (but needs focus and commitment on our part) and can be speeded-up by the technological innovations available at present.

NAVIGATION at this SITE:

• This HOME Page is the one you see every time you visit this site.

• For the latest Blog Posts, Click on the BLOG tab in the Navigation Bar.

• To check out individual blogs, Click on Topics listed below or on Recent Posts in the sidebar on the right.

• To check out Happy Living Tips & Happiness Enhancer Tips, OR any other specific word or topic, use the Find (Search) feature at the top (in the Title).

Some of the Topics you will find discussed here, are:

• Pursuit of Happiness?
• Man Proposes, God Endorses (not God Disposes)!
• Happy Relationships
• Purpose & Happiness
• Real Happiness vs Pseudo Happiness
• Happy Living Tips (See Navigation above)
• What Are Happiness Enhancers?
• Happiness Enhancer Tips. (See Navigation above)
• Happy Living & Gratitude
• How to Forgive Family Members, Strangers and Acquaintances
• Overcoming Anger (Road Rage, etc.)
• Etc., Etc.

This blog is all about how to make Daily Happy Living a reality for everyone!

The ideas may seem contrarian to you at first, but if you persevere, you will find the truth embodied in them.  So if you are not afraid to think independently for yourself (instead of just accepting all the old teachings as absolute truth), then you will find this blog useful!

So if you are looking for simple, practical ways that you can use daily to make Happy Living a Habit, then you are at the right place.

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MY FAVORITE QUOTE.

“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it (even if I have said it) unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense” – The Buddha

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My favorite quote above is also my disclaimer for this blog!

I want you the Reader to be Skeptical, to Question everything I say and only Accept anything if it agrees with your own reason!

My primary purpose with this blog is to get people to start thinking independently for themselves and not depend entirely on other peoples interpretations – not mine and not even Buddha’s!  That is what Buddha himself would have wished too, as he has said clearly in the quote above!

I now accept that ‘everyone is  perfect at his/her own level of evolution’,  hence it makes no sense for me to try to convert anyone to my point of view!  Let each one work out his/her own evolutionary path. – Gopi Menon

Normally I avoid these TV series like the plague, because the plots in each one, consists of one family member trying her/his best to destroy another!

The dialogues go like this:

• “I will be happy only when I see so and so go bankrupt”;
• “I will do anything I can to bring them down to their knees”;
• I vow that I will cause them to lose their job/house/spouse, if it is the last thing I do!

The gist of it being that the characters believe that they get happiness from the misery of another!

This is what I term ‘pseudo happiness’ or false happiness!   Some other types of pseudo happiness are listed below:

1. Revenge (an idea that we feel good because we are meting out justice)
2. Bullying & sadism (shows poor self image which needs someone to suffer in order to feel happy)
3. Verbal & Physical abuse (another case of poor self image – a need to feel superior in order to be happy)
4. etc.

But none of these offers any real happiness. Think about this.  How do you really feel in the following instances?

• Anger:
• Hatred
• Envy
• Injustice

In each of the above examples, the feeling you get is NOT one of Happiness! 

We cannot feel good when we are Angry!  We cannot feel happy when we Hate!  We cannot feel happy when we are Envious!  We cannot feel happy when we think about Injustice!

So why do so many of us insist on venting our anger, take revenge and so on?

I think it is because what we feel is Relief (such as when a thorn in our flesh is removed), which we mistake to be happiness!

This avoiding of pain and unhappiness is what many people assume to be happiness.  Many of us resort to drink, ritual worship, drugs and so on to assuage the pain and misery we feel.   This only gives temporary relief, helping us forget our misery, but is not real happiness.  All of these (including singing hymns, drinking to forget, taking  drugs and so on) are merely methods to achieve pseudo-happiness.

Real happiness on the other hand is not mere relief but actually feeling good! Real happiness is expansive and makes you feel loving and tolerant.  It is inclusive and does not exclude others – in other words we cannot really be happy by making another miserable!  Nor can we be happy by avoiding unhappiness!

So how can we attain real happiness?

1. First by understanding that ‘happiness is of the mind’ and that we can control our own mind!
2. Secondly by self-acceptance of ourselves as we are and acceptance of others as they are.  Acknowledging that each one of us are divine creations of God, each evolving at our own rate!
3. Thirdly, by being grateful for everything we have – thus enjoying this life and this world we live in to the fullest!
4. Fourthly, believing that the Creator and the Universe is FOR us and NOT against us!

“Running With the Seagulls”

Examples of Real Happiness:

• Enjoying life and nature (see picture above)
• Truly Enjoying time with Family & Friends
• Being at Peace with the World (during Meditation etc.)
• Feeling Gratitude for our Life
• Feeling Unconditional Love
• Etc.

I would like to end this post with an incident that gave me real happiness, which I expect many many readers can relate to:

Last weekend, my son and his wife visited us with their 2 year old daughter Anya, who is very close to us, the grandparents.  Anya had not seen us for about a week and was looking forward to seeing us.  How do we know this?  It seems that in the car, when Anya realized that she was going to see us, she began to jump with excitement!

When the car stopped she at once jumped into my wife’s hands and gave her a hug.  When she saw me, she immediately put out her hands for me to carry her and then hugged me tightly around the neck!  Even after I put her down, she couldn’t seem to hold her excitement!   She was running around (or rather toddling around)  – happy for no reason.

We the grandparents and the parents were happy to see her so happy!  She was happy – not because she expected us to do anything for her;  and we were happy – not because we expected her to do anything for us.   We were just happy and full of a loving feeling!

So that is another trait of real happiness – a feeling of love that does not expect anything in return (i.e. unconditional love).

Reciprocal love is different – we want the object of our affection to return our love; otherwise we become miserable.  We will discuss this in a later post.

Until then, Expect Happiness!

Image via Wikipedia

More and more people seem to be worrying about the world ending in 2012! Their fears seem to be multiplied because of the recent major Earthquake & Tsunami in Japan and the subsequent damage to the Nuclear Reactors at the power plant.

Earlier there was the earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand followed by the civil uprising in the Middle East countries!  A few days ago there was another earthquake at the border of Myanmar/Thailand! All of these seem to be the harbingers of the ‘end of days’ as prophesied by many.

All these doomsayers might even be right! Our beautiful blue planet EARTH, after having been plundered and pillaged for centuries, may be ready to surrender and disappear as an entity from this Galaxy by next year.

But even if this were to come true, personally I have NO fears! I would not worry because my Happy Living Philosophy comforts me in several ways.

Firstly, if we were to exit this world in a vast group, with all our family, friends and colleagues for company, I would love the camaraderie of going away all together! When I mentioned this to my son (who has 2 young daughters – a 2 month old & a 2 year old), he remarked: “I feel sad for the children, because they have no chance to experience life, if their life is cut short in such an untimely manner!”

To him and to the many who may be thinking along the same lines, I offer the following words of comfort:

1. Because I believe in the immortal nature of the soul as well as in the goodness of God, I am convinced that even in the event of such a cataclysm, God would easily find another planet amidst the infinite planets of this known world, to transfer the billions of souls.  They would have the chance to start anew, and perhaps with the knowledge and  experience they have had on Earth, make a much better life there.

I am not simply being facetious or joking when I say this.  From our study of astronomy, we know that the universe is truly infinite!  On a clear night we see can with our naked eye  millions of stars in the sky, in just our Galaxy!  And we know that each star  is a ‘sun’ and can have planets and satellites going around it! Thus we are talking of multiple million planets – some of which could be habitable right now, to us even in our present state of being ‘humans’.   Now when realize that there are countless other galaxies, then we begin to have an inkling of what being INFINITE truly is!

2. One of the cornerstones of my Happy Living philosophy is to think of this world as a School, College or University - a place for getting knowledge, experiencing personal growth in the evolution of our immortal soul!

Now if any school were to burn down or be destroyed by other means – does it mean that the students in that school will never be able to continue their education?  Of course not!   Arrangements would be made by the authorities or the parents to transfer them to another school so that they can continue their studies.

Similarly, in the unlikely case of this planet earth being destroyed (i.e. becoming completely uninhabitable by the human species), would not the Creator have plans to transfer the affected souls to another similar dimension so that their soul evolution can continue?   I really believe the Creator would have ample ‘emergency plans for evacuation’ in case of a cataclysmic disaster - except that it is our souls that will be evacuated and not our bodies!

So we do not have to worry that the lives of the children will be cut short in an untimely way.  Their souls (as well as the souls of each one of us) will still have the opportunity to continue our evolution and growth on another plane and another dimension – perhaps on another planet in this very universe!

So is 2012 really the END? I really don’t know and I don’t particularly care!

That is another Happy Living Tip right there – “Don’t worry about things that you cannot change and have no control over!” This applies even to the actions of other people – whether they be family members, friends, enemies, politicians or the government.

Especially it applies to those disasters that the Insurance policies refer to as ‘Acts of God’! Except that in the case of the End of the World even the Insurance Policies don’t matter at all!

As always, expect happiness!

To recap:

Phase I of Happy Living is all about ‘How to be happy in spite of circumstances – by controlling our thoughts and feelings’! This is what I have been writing about for the last year or so. So hopefully, we have already learned to  be happy with what we have, to be grateful for all circumstances (even the not so pleasant ones)!   The ‘Happy Living Tips’ should have helped us achieve some of this happiness and peace of mind.

Now we are ready to move on to Happy Living Phase II – which is learning ‘How to change circumstances to suit us better – so that we can Increase the Happiness that we already have!

Once we have learned to be habitually happy,  we can increase our happiness by using Happiness Enhancers.  See my earlier post for my definition of Happiness Enhancers!

One of the fastest and easiest of Happiness Enhancers is:  Setting a New Goal for Yourself!

Have you have been just toying with an idea, a wish or a daydream, but never actually put your mind to it?   Then setting a new goal is an ideal way to motivate yourself to act and start the process of achieving your goal!

Once you set a goal with a timeline for its achievement, then immediately you feel energized, with lots of ideas flooding your mind on how to go about achieving that goal.  You will get a new motivation and an excitement you never felt before!

A story will best illustrate how setting a goal and going for it will increase your happiness!

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The Little Boy Who Believed He Could.

Even when a little boy, the word ‘cannot’ was not in Arun’s vocabulary!  It never occurred to him that he could not get what he wanted all the time.    He just went ahead and started doing things on the assumption that he could achieve it.

When he was just 6 years old, he decided he wanted an aquarium to keep some fish in.  His parents were totally against the idea and so were his elder brothers.  So Mother explained why it was not good to keep a living thing in captivity; Father explained how much work it was to upkeep an aquarium; and Brother told him that it was bad luck etc.  Arun listened patiently to each of their objections and then said “So, when are we getting the aquarium?”

He had listened, but his mind was made up, and in his imagination, he already had his aquarium.  But the rest of the family were adamant and refused to buy him one!   So he brought out his meager savings of a few dollars and gave it to his father, asking him to get the smallest one that could be bought with the money!

Now the parents felt sorry for the 6 year old boy (as any parent would) and decided to get him a slightly bigger one.   A few months later (in spite of  the early opposition of all the family), there was a full sized aquarium in the house!  This trait of never expecting to fail continued, as Arun grew up.  The parents called it obstinacy at that time, but now they realize that it was another term for ‘persistence & conviction’.

When Arun was in his teens, he was crazy about becoming a pilot.  Whenever he accompanied his parents to the airport to send off family members, he insisted on lingering on, to watch the big 747 jets take off!  He must have been imagining himself flying those jets.

A few years later he had a basic degree in computer science, but was not at all keen on pursuing it as a career.  He had not forgotten about his dream.  He applied to the local airlines to become a cadet pilot but was turned down by MAS since his SPM results were not good enough.  Then he found that Singapore Airlines was not that insistent about his SPM results, and would accept a first degree for consideration as a cadet pilot.

Before he went for the first aptitude test and the following interviews he prepared himself by reading up about jet planes (he normally hated reading of any kind).  He also managed to contact other pilots by getting assistance from a most unlikely place!   His mother used to go for walks every morning and her walking buddies knew someone whose son was a pilot etc. – shades of ’6 Degrees of Separation’!

To cut the story short, Arun is now a pilot with SIA flying 747 jets, and has been able to enhance his happiness tremendously!  He now has his own family with a wife and 2 year old child.  He owns a couple of houses and a luxury car as well and he is not 30 years old yet!

So Arun was able to increase or enhance his happiness because he set a goal for himself and went for it, despite all the hurdles he had to overcome!   He achieved his dream because he never took ‘no’ for an answer and did whatever was necessary in the pursuit of his goal.

However, I must point out that  Arun was basically already a happy person, which is a prerequisite to enhancing one’s happiness!

He seldom complained about others.  Instead he seemed to accept others unconditionally.  As an example, although he himself never even smoked, while in college he had a room mate who took drugs!  But it didn’t seem to bother him – his attitude was ‘that is his choice, so why should I be upset?’

This trait is in fact one I have written about in Happy Living Tip #2 (Self Acceptance & Acceptance of Others), which is one of the requisites for Happy Living Phase I.

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Update of my new project for 2011. In January I posted the following:

On a personal level, I too am taking up the challenge of Happiness Enhancer Tip #2 and am happy to report that  I have begun a new project for this year 2011!

I have been writing this blog for more than a year and a half and have received encouraging comments about the content  from you my readers.  However for some time now I have realized that the content in this blog is more suited to a fully integrated website, rather than a chronological blog.  Even I have had trouble accessing information from my own blog since it was too large and ungainly.

Thus I am making it my new project to set up a complete website on real happiness, where the reader can easily navigate to whatever aspect of this subject interests him or her.

I had expected to run out the website by end of February but since I am learning HTML etc., I have only managed to finish about 20 pages so far.   You can check it out at www.ChoosingRealHappiness.com but remember that the site is still a work in progress.

• I need YOUR help in improving the site! Just have a look at the Navigation titles on the HomePage.  What other topics would you like to be included?  Do you have any questions regarding Real Happiness?   Let me have your suggestions, critiques etc – please write your comments in this blog since I have not yet incorporated a comments page to the new website.

Anyway, I find this new project exciting and am always looking forward to learning more of the technical aspects while I add new content and rearrange old content from this blog so that it is more accessible to you the readers!

Especially since I am learning & building it with the help of SiteBuildIt , an incredible One-Stop-Resource for hosting, content building, SEO traffic building … etc.

Looking forward to your comments and critiques.

Expect Happiness!

The main reason is “we have been conditioned from birth (as well as over centuries) to Expect Unhappiness!” Just think about the following sayings (about the world) that have been drummed into us from childhood:

• Say the rishis of India:  “This world is one of suffering!  The only way to escape suffering is to stop this cycle of birth & death.”  How?  By becoming a recluse or a hermit and give up all desires?
• According to the bible:  “This world you are born into is a place of punishment – for the Original Sin of your forefathers! “  How vindictive must God be to let the children suffer for the sins of their parents?
• According to Greek mythology:  “We are mere puppets of the Gods, who use us according to their whims and fancies!”  The only way to escape their wrath is to appease them with peace offerings, prayers etc.?
• According to Hindu mythology: “We are cursed (either by some Rishis who we have angered, or because of our negative Karma) to be born into this world!”
  

In general, all we have heard and continue to hear even now is that the world is a place of suffering!  Instead of thinking about Life as a Blessing, we think of Life as a Curse! In fact I have heard some young couples say that they do not want to bring children into this world of suffering!   How stupid is that?

Can we really believe that this world is one of only suffering, and it is better to escape by becoming a hermit or recluse?   If we refuse to live life to the fullest to the best of our capabilities and talents, then another alternative is to commit suicide! This is what some sect leaders have preached and done – e.g. Rev. Jim Jones in Guyana in 1978 when 918 people died of assisted suicide by cyanide poisoning!

How sad that nobody has any good thing to say about this wonderful world created by a Loving, Compassionate, Forgiving God. No one gives God credit for His work!   They only condemn this world as being terrible, with hell as even worse,  and heaven an unachievable dream!

So how can we honestly expect happiness?  If we don’t expect happiness, how can we ever get it?  We can’t!

Even the great Buddha whose positive quotes I have used often in this blog has something totally negative to say about this world: “This world is one of suffering!” - Buddha

Before I give you an alternative, more positive scenario of this life and this world, let me quote some of my favorite positive Buddha sayings:

1. “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”
   
2. “Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
3. “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”

But the Buddha quote that is my absolute favorite is this:

• “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”

Because I believe wholeheartedly in the above quote I dare to question any saying and any person – even the Buddha himself!

Personally, I would not recommend any responsible husband to leave his wife and two children and sneak off in the middle of the night, to find answers to his personal problems!  This is what Gauthama Buddha did when he left the palace, his wife and his children without any goodbyes!  He went away because he wanted answers to why there was suffering in the world and was only selfishly thinking of himself!

Unfortunately the Buddha was asking the wrong question – why was there suffering in the world?  So his answers would naturally have to do with suffering and overcoming of suffering!  This I believe is a very limited and jaundiced view of the miraculous world created by a God, who I believe is good, loving and compassionate and infinitely wise!

I also believe that this world is perfect for us human beings at our present state of growth or evolution, simply because God (in His infinite intelligence & compassion) created it that way!

To illustrate my point, let me tell you a story I came across about a sinner and about hell:

There was once a wicked man with no redeeming qualities, who had only one hobby – fishing!  When he died, he expected to go to Hell.  But on his death, he found himself beside a beautiful lake.  He was given a lovely fishing rod.  He could hardly believe his good fortune!

He threw the line into the water and immediately he got a fish.  He was excited.  He threw the line in a second time – and immediately got another fish!  By the end of half an hour, he had a basketful of fish and he was getting really bored!

Then he realized that if he were to continue to get a fish each time he threw in the line, it was going to be Hell!

The moral of the story is that in order to remain happy in this world (in this dimension), we need challenges to make life exciting.   We grow by overcoming challenges, not by avoiding them.  Achievement is all the sweeter if there is some struggle involved!

God, in His infinite wisdom knows this and so he created a perfect world for us to Live in – to Experience, to Exploit our Talents, to Grow, to Evolve, to Enjoy.  To dream, to plan, to act, to adjust our actions, to attain goals  and to achieve our purpose in this life!

There’s much to talk about this Alternative Universe of Happiness and Joy which I shall explore in later posts.  For today let me end with a wonderful quote on Happiness by Aristotle:

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence”. - Aristotle

As always Expect Happiness (NOT unhappiness and suffering)!