Daily Mail Sadface :(

'Merry Christmas? Along with millions of other middle class mothers, I can't afford one'

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 10:25:00 +0000

It's been a long time - I shouldn't have left you without a strong rhyme to step to. Anyway, on with the show.

This could be the most astonishing article that I've seen for quite some time. I can't begin to comprehend the horror that must be renting a two-bedroom flat in West London. However it's good to see the author develop some sense of perspective:

Of course, to some struggling to pay even basic household bills, this may all sound like another self-pitying whinge from someone who once had it all. But I guess the point is that still — despite the recession — many of us feel under more pressure than ever before to create a perfect Christmas

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1335550/Merry-Christmas-Along-millions-middle-class-families-I-afford-says-CHARLOTTE-METCALF.html

'We can't talk to you because you're dead': Tax office blunder 'kills off' mother-of-two

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 20:57:00 +0000

There's a lot to like about this story, but I think my favourite part is that the stamp on the letter almost says 'Priority Cocks Team'. Marvellous.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1288315/Tax-office-blunder-kills-mother-two.html

Two car crashes leave woman with 24 hour memory that makes her think it's 1994 EVERY morning

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 12:43:00 +0000

After what feels like forever, the good people of the Mail oblige us with some sad face action. 1994's not a bad year to have on constant re-wind - Mandela gets elected, grunge music eventually goes away and OG Fred West makes a name for himself.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1285535/Two-car-crashes-leave-Michelle-Philpots-24-hour-memory.html

Father 'forced son to eat his poor school report card'

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Thu, 27 May 2010 14:20:00 +0000

Now I'm as disappointed as you guys are that this is just a library picture. Still, sterling work from the boys on the picture desk here.

A single euro's worth of damages does seems a bit feeble though. If my old man did this to me I'd at the very least have blackmailed a SNES out of him to buy my silence.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1281617/Father-forced-son-eat-bad-school-report.html

Disabled grandfather arrested by EIGHT police officers for drink-driving on his 4mph mobility scooter

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Wed, 26 May 2010 12:49:00 +0000

I love this one. He looks a bit like he's posing for a byeline photo, the mad old alky. But downing seven pints and hopping onto a scooter? A man's gotta know his limitations.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1281474/Mobility-scooter-boozer-62-arrested-police-officers-marked-cars.html

Driver orders toddler off bus for wearing 'offensive' England football shirt

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Mon, 24 May 2010 20:53:00 +0000

1) I bet this never happened, just like those halfwits who posted their Facebook statuses as 'OMG THE POLIS JUST TOLD MY PUB THEY HAD 2 TAK THEIR WORLD CUP FLAGS DOWN CUZ MUSLIMS COMPLAINED EDL LOL'

2) Would you look at the fucking state of that.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1281019/Driver-orders-toddler-bus-wearing-offensive-England-football-shirt.html

Man aged 33 is refused a bottle of wine in Tesco... because he had no ID

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Mon, 24 May 2010 20:48:00 +0000

It's quite flattering at your age. To be honest mate, you could use all the compliments you get.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1281063/Engaged-33-year-old-refused-bottle-wine-Tesco--ID.html

Grandmother fined £50 for picking up wrong dog mess (even though she picked up her dog's too)

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Wed, 19 May 2010 12:25:00 +0000

Gonna have to leave this one to my man Clay Davis:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1279632/Grandmother-fined-50-picking-wrong-dog-mess-picked-dogs-too.html

Lesbian couple 'forced out of church for holding hands in the pews'

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Fri, 14 May 2010 13:58:00 +0000

As you'd expect the comments are golden on this one. Thanks, Kin from Barnet:

"you have to understand, what they are doing and the relationship they are in is a sin, there is no greater sin as sin is sin. The Church was a bit hard kicking them out, and pretty sure many others have sin. The church must remember that God loves the people but hates the sin. The only thing is that people who continue to sin should not take up leadership role within the church, people should start reading the bible more especially when Jesus question the public when they were going to stone a girl to death, no one throw a stone after what he said. do not let political change interfere with your principle in the bible."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1278349/Lesbians-forced-church-holding-hands-pews.html

Shopkeeper bars 17-year-old cyclist from buying puncture repair kit... 'in case he sniffs the glue'

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Thu, 13 May 2010 14:53:00 +0000

The Tories have only been in power five minutes and they're already pulling this shit. Anyway, I thought the kids were boshing the plant food these days?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1278085/Shopkeeper-stops-17-year-old-buying-puncture-repair-kit-fix-bike-case-sniffs-glue.html

Pet rescue centre refuses to hand back lost dog to widow, saying: 'Sorry, we sold her'

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Fri, 07 May 2010 12:47:00 +0000

Tells you what, that mutt was GOOD EATIN'.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1273768/Pet-rescue-centre-refuses-hand-lost-dog-widow-saying-Sorry-sold-her.html

'Anti-ginger bullies forced our daughter out of school'

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Wed, 05 May 2010 12:36:00 +0000

After seeing that M.I.A. video the other day they want to keep her indoors for safety's sake, or consider investing in a balaclava.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1270379/Anti-ginger-bullies-forced-daughter-school.html

Mother left bedbound by N cup breasts has operation to remove 2.5 stone of flesh from her chest

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Wed, 05 May 2010 12:33:00 +0000

FIT.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1271378/Bedbound-boobs-Julia-Manihuari-operation-remove-2-5st-flesh.html

Facebook vigilante posts 6,000 photos of convicted paedophiles and sex offenders online as 'invaluable tool for parents'

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Wed, 05 May 2010 12:29:00 +0000

"On a couple of occasions I have had paedophiles try and hunt me down. I guess it's an occupational hazard"

I don't think you're their type, sweetheart.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1270064/Facebook-vigilante-posts-6-000-photos-convicted-paedophiles-sex-offenders-online-invaluable-tool-parents.html

What, no swings? Families' fury after council spends £70,000 on 'deathtrap playground which looks like a cemetery'

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Wed, 05 May 2010 12:23:00 +0000

Sorry for the delayed updates, I've been moving house. This one looks like a stock photo for a Childline advert doesn't it? It does make you wonder what the photographer said to get the kid looking so glum - "There's been a terrible accident, yer mam and dad are dead....that's it, stop still now"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1272740/Family-fury-Sunderland-council-spends-70-000-deathtrap-playground.html

Under-16 netball team need oxygen after getting stuck in hotel lift for almost THREE hours

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 21:10:00 +0000

This one is right on the fucking line isn't it? My keyboard releases toxic vapours that make you suggestible. You know I must say I actually feel more suggestible and that's just from one sniff.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1269529/Under-16-netball-team-gets-stuck-hotel-lift-nearly-hours.html

Police breathalyse CHILDREN at village disco to stop anti-social behaviour

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 12:24:00 +0000

Your friends all say..."Where is our boy ? Oh, we've lost our boy"

Apologies for the blurriness of the pic, I assume the Mail's online team are too busy playing Farmville.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1269149/Police-breathalyse-CHILDREN-village-disco-stop-anti-social-behaviour.html

Cardboard gestapo: Woman threatened with £300 fine over box that was too big for recycling bin slot

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 12:15:00 +0000

A whole SIX MONTHS of hell!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1268833/Grandmothers-month-court-ordeal-leaving-cardboard-box-recycling-bin.html

Granny flat dust-up: Distraught pensioner wrestles with police and jumps in front of the digger sent to demolish her £1million luxury annexe

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 11:44:00 +0000

I think I saw her on 'Danny Dyer's Deadliest Extensions' on Bravo the other week.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1268788/Pensioner-jumps-digger-sent-demolish-1million-luxury-annexe.html

Like 'the last days of Saigon': Angry and stranded, 350 British tourists cause near-riot at Bangkok airport

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 10:21:00 +0000

Yes, it's JUST like the fall of Saigon. Jeremy and Tamsin had to run for their lives when the NVA stormed the airport Starbucks. Bloody natives don't speak a word of English either. A very cruel race.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1268355/Iceland-volcano-Like-days-Saigon-stranded-British-tourists-cause-chaos-Bangkok-airport.html

Terrified girl, 12, dyes ginger hair blonde after receiving death threats from schoolmates

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 14:22:00 +0000

Turn that frown upside down!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1268303/Terrified-schoolgirl-dyes-hair-blonde-girl-gang-sends-seven-death-threats-day--ginger.html

Brain surgery grandfather finds he has been given X-rays of someone else's head 9 months after getting the all-clear

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 12:29:00 +0000

Mountain > molehill

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1267949/Brain-surgery-grandfather-finds-given-X-rays-elses-head-9-months-getting-clear.html

Father who accidentally set himself alight saved when son sprayed him with bottle of Coke

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 12:43:00 +0000

This one just about scrapes in.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1267733/Burning-man-saved-son-sprayed-Coke.html

Mother and daughter banned from Disneyland... because they were dressed as fairy princesses

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 12:02:00 +0000

Fancy dress is for wankers, so I'm shoulder to shoulder with Uncle Walt here.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1267480/Mother-daughter-banned-Disneyland--dressed-fairy-princesses.html

M&S staff refuse to push cancer sufferer's trolley to her car 'because we are not insured to cross the road'

noreply@blogger.com (KRS-Dan) — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 11:33:00 +0000

I'd have got it delivered myself. Doing the big shop is a right old faff.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1266401/M-S-staff-refuse-push-cancer-sufferers-trolley-car-insured.html