Daily Thoughts To Share

I wish they understood

2011-01-16T06:44:00.001-05:00

Dealing with chronic depression, pain, and all the problems from Fibromyalgia is hard for me to understand and face each day with hope and prayers but I do it, barely. I lost the real me so many years ago I don't think I'd recognize her should I ever find her again today. So, I guess it's no wonder that those who knew her and liked/loved her find it impossible to accept this miserable creature that has taken her place.

Sadly, it's this creature that needs the love and understanding even more than her old self. Her old self was far more reliable and out going and this creature hardly leaves her home, let alone her bed. Living with this is hard on me and I do realize it's even harder for those around me.

Everyday I pray that my family will understand and love me as I am, faults and all. I miss them so much. I miss the love and caring they felt for me before. Today I know they think I am stuck up, snob, anti-social and that I only care about myself and no one else.

They couldn't be further from the truth. I have always been tender inside. Feelings always hurt easily, always begging for acceptance. I once was able to at least offer something in return. Some part of myself. But I have nothing left to offer today. I hate who I am now. I hate me even more than anyone else. If I thought I could solve the problems by no longer walking the Earth, I would stop. If it would bring them happiness, I would gladly give up this minute. But I know that for most, at this point and time, they could care less. If they heard I had passed, they'd say "Big Deal" pass the salt. But there are a few special people in my life who have helped me and given me the strength not to give up. These are the ones I stay for. I could never deliberately hurt them. Just as I could never deliberately hurt anyone I care for.

Even if I can't stay in touch on a regular basis, even if I can't see and visit you often please I beg of you, know I do still care. I would like nothing more than to call and talk, to write to you daily, to give you your hearts desire. I can't and I don't know if I ever will be able to. Yet, I ask you to understand. To realize what I am going through and to have some human compassion for me. Please forgive me my faults. Please know I never meant to hurt anyone. I never meant to give you the idea that I have turned my back on you. I am trying to get well. I am trying to hold on just one more day, one day at a time. But I need your help. I need your love and understanding.

I know I ramble and repeat. I know I am forgetful even if it was only a sentence ago. But know I have not forgotten my family!! I think of you often and miss you everyday! I pray for your wellbeing more than I pray for my own. I apologize for not being what you would like me to be. I want to be all things to all people. But I can't even be me right now or maybe never ever again. But I am trying. As best as I can, I am trying.

May God bless you and keep you for all time to come.

Searching for family of Charles J Bennett Sr of Pittsfield MA

2011-01-15T07:06:00.000-05:00

Searching for family of Charles J Bennett Sr of Pittsfield MA

I'm Kathleen "Bennett" originally from Pittsfield Mass. My fathers family once lived on Ontario St. My parents divorced when I was quite young and I have been left not knowing much about that side of my family most of my life. I know I have an Aunt, fathers only sister Lela and her husband Eugene. I believe they had 5 children, 1 boy and 3 or 4 girls. My Aunt's married name I believe is Kirchner. I am sure I'm wrong on the spelling but it's as close as I can come. The son was also named Eugene, and there was a Debbie, Tammy, but I am at a loss for the other children. My grandfather Wilma (yes grandfather) died around 1967 or 68. I know my grandmother has also passed, sadly I can't remember her first name either. I don't even have an idea of my father location his name, Charles Joseph Bennett Sr. My late mothers name, Caroline "Drosehn". I have 4 siblings, Charles J Bennett Jr, Denise, Gregory, and Jeffrey. Most of which I believe still live in or around MA. I am currently located in NC. My Father Charles, served and retired from US Army and like my mother remarried several times.

The family has left the house on Ontario St and I have no way of locating them. I am in hopes that this site may put me in touch with someone from the family so I can find them and renew our relations.

Windows 7 Ultimate 32/64 Full Version /or Upgrade Download

2011-01-06T07:41:00.000-05:00

Windows 7 Ultimate 32/64 Full Version /or Upgrade **Download**

I have to wonder if this is legit? Selling a full install of Windows 7 Ultimate for only $79.99 when NewEgg and elsewhere have it for $183.97!
Big price difference.... I'd love to jump on it so I can upgrade my laptop from Vista to this but just don't know if I should trust it.

Maybe someone will see this and chime in and let me know if this site is selling real, legal copies of this?

If you've bought from Software IQ in the past, please post and let me know about your experience with them.

Thanks!!

My Review of Keurig Water Filter Cartridge Refills

2010-12-31T13:16:00.001-05:00

Originally submitted at Green Mountain Coffee Roasters

Six water filter cartridges are enough for one full year of deliciously clean water. For use in Keurig Water Filters, for Keurig Single-Cup Brewers.

DOES NOT FIT CUISINART SS700

By KathyG_NC from Newport, NC on 12/31/2010

I ordered these for my Cusinart SS-700 solely on the basis of another reviewer saying they fit in their SS-700.

Got my filters today and there is no way those filters could have fit that person machine, if their machine was/is indeed a Cuisinart SS-700. This filter is at least twice the size of the filter needed for that machine! Now I've wasted time and money, and had to order again elsewhere since GMC still didn't have them in stock.

My suggestion to anyone needing filters for their Cuisinart machine, and they aren't in stock here, search for P/N: DCC-RWF-1 on the internet.

To the reviewer who said they would fit, you need to be more careful in the future as to what you say and be positive about makes/models before making false statements.

(legalese)

My Review of Honey Lemon Ginseng Green Tea

2010-12-29T09:41:00.001-05:00

Originally submitted at Green Mountain Coffee Roasters

Honey, lemon and ginseng provide a well-balanced and flavorful addition to our smooth blend of authentic green tea and delicate Bai Mu Dan white tea.

Best Green Tea Ever!

By KathyG_NC from Newport, NC on 12/29/2010

Tea Body: Medium

Tea Flavor: Citrusy, Fruity

Pros: Aromatic, Fresh, Soothing, High Quality

Cons: Doesn't come in decaf

Best Uses: Anytime

Describe Yourself: Tea Enthusiast

If you enjoy green tea, then you must give this one a try, you'll never be happy with any other once you taste this!

I adore this green tea! Not only does it taste wonderful it's in a paper container! I enjoy the fact that it will break down better than the plastic containers after use.

My only disappointment is that they don't have it in decaf. In the colder months I drink nothing but green tea after my morning coffee. Mid afternoon I have to change to a decaf and that means changing the type of green tea I am drinking. This company offers a decaf but it's just plain ordinary green tea. Mind you, even that green tea is very nice. But, gone are the fruity notes that this one has and that I love. Currently even this one is out of stock so it looks like I'll have to order the boring version again for now.

(legalese)

Zhu Zhu Pets 2 for Nintendo DS Review & Giveaway – Mommies with Cents

2010-11-30T07:38:00.000-05:00

Zhu Zhu Pets 2 for Nintendo DS Review & Giveaway – Mommies with Cents

Pay Rasies Cut for Federal Workers!

2010-11-30T05:59:00.000-05:00

First off I am confused by conflicting stories on this. Some say it will effect all Federal workers except the Military. Which, if they have to cut back then that's the way to go. But other stories are reporting that the Congressional workers and Federal Judges, Postal Workers won't be effected. That totally bites! They are the ones who make the most money! It's not fair to cut back on those who earn 40,000 or so less a year. Most workers, real workers only earn in that range. It's the big guns up in DC that are earning huge salaries and it sounds like their the ones who won't be effected. Both my husband and daughter work for the DOD and I can tell you now they don't make enough on their own to be afforded cuts. Our daughter lives at home because she's not earning enough to rent a place of her own. My husband if it wasn't for his military retirement check we'd not make ends meet either! I lost my job because of my health, I too once worked for the DOD and made a fair salary for what I did but now that is gone because of the DOD's ability to understand it's people and their needs. I could have managed to keep my job if they only permitted me to work from home at times, it could have been done since 90% of my job was done on computers and over the phone but noooo they couldn't see it that way and I was forced to leave my job without any benefits.

Back to the topic at hand. How can they or anyone else think that by taking away 1.5% pay raise is really going to help the government?? It won't do much but it would do something for the people who would have gotten the raise. Take a look on the Internet. So many feel that the Federal employees are overpaid, lazy oafs who are parasites on the coat tails of the government. I can tell you that those that really work, those at the GS-9 and below levels, or the WG-10 and below really work for their pay. They are the ones who get in the grit of it and make things work. If it weren't for them things would come to a standstill. My husband repairs helicopter blades for the military and my daughter works hard to ensure security for the military. DOD employees or at least those at the lower levels should not have to feel the cut backs. If it weren't for them the Military would not be able to do their jobs to keep us safe.

I know I should be grateful and I really am, honest!

2010-09-17T10:34:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a very busy day, well at least for me it was in comparison to a typical day with me. I got up just as early as I normally do - 4am or there about. I get up that early because I just get sick and tired of waking up every 2 hours and after waking at 12am, 2am, and then 4am I just say "F" it and get up and stay up. No matter what I do, whither I nap or not I can only sleep in general for 2 hrs at a time.

Well I got up and did my usual - smoke, potty, make coffee, wash up the dishes. I have to do it in steps and have to take a break between making coffee and washing up the dishes. I can't stand most times for any longer than 10 minutes without my back going into spasms.   It really bites!

Well yesterday I had my 6 month check up with the neurosurgeon for my back. He tells me that the x-rays look good and that it appears that every thing is healing very well. He's happy with my progress and I am too. Before the surgery I couldn't really stand at all nor could I walk unassisted. I used a walker or a cane to get around. I had my husband buy me a special chair that will help lift me out of it. You know it raises you up so it's easier to get in and out of the chair. That chair is wonderful! It really helped me a lot when I needed it.

Any way - so things have improved. I no longer need the cane or the walker and I don't fall down all the time from my legs giving out from under me. But I really hate it that I can't stand up for longer without being in agony. But the surgeon tells me that, that is to be expected and that there is really no way, not in my case that I would ever get much better than I am now. That it's nothing short of miracle that I am up and walking like I am.

So as I said I am grateful for every thing but just had hoped and prayed for more. I'll never be able to keep a job unless I can sit for most of the day and even that bothers me after an hour or so and I have to go lay down often through out the day. I have so much guilt about not being able to work.   It has become apparent to me that I really should try to get disability of some sort. My Fibromyalgia really keeps me from doing a lot but I have pushed past it in the past but now with my back problems and the FM there is no way on God's green Earth that I will ever be able to hold down a job.

I have to find a local Doctor that is willing to work with me on this. I am the wife of a retired Marine. All my medical is provided by the government so of course none of them are willing to help me out.  Plus, every couple of years or less the provider is transferred and I have to start all over again with someone else. Not good when you're trying to work up a history and gain support of a doc to fight the government to get my disability. Since they're of the same grouping that puts another block on getting the support I need. I need them to refer me out to someone who specializes in FM and stay with them and get them to help me work out the papers and letters so that SSD will approve me.

So going to the doc's yesterday and I also had to get new photos taken of me. I doubt I'll get to use my passport any time soon but I want to keep it up to date. Needed new head shots for that. Then my military ID would have expired next week so I had to get it renewed. I didn't realize that they've changed the way they handle Drivers Licence's renewals here in NC. But it seems I need to go there in advance and have the eye test and the photo taken and then they mail me my new licence. Nor did I know that the renewal had come in the mail already. My husband forgot to tell me. So hell, I could have had that taken care of yesterday also but now I have to go out again to have that done.    Might be next week since I have an appointment with my primary care (quasi doctor I see on base) to get some of my meds renewed. You see some of the drugs I take to help me are also poisoning my system. I just had my last tests done in May but for some reason she wants to me to come in again... has me a bit worried there. If the tests came back with good news they wouldn't want me to come in just to tell met that. With my luck my liver is starting to show signs of trouble from the meds. It never fails - the things they give you to help you feel better, tend to make you worse in the long run.

Now for some odd reason I started to get a sore throat yesterday. The day before it felt like it was swollen a bit. It really hurts to swallow so I haven't been eating many solids. Starting taking some NyQuil Cold/Flu for the day and night. I hope what ever is trying to take over is whipped out of my system soon. I pick up illness like a hooker gets business on the corner. All I have to do is get close to it and bam, I'm sick! I take so many extra supplements, vitamins, and minerals and garlic, soy, omega crap - you'd think that would prevent my body from being attacked all the damn time. But no! Never that lucky. If there is a cold within 20 miles of me, I'll pick it up and suffer through it.

Just another dreary day in the life of KathyG. I'm really tired and worn and must close this out. I hadn't written in a few days so I thought I should do something on this. Well off I go. Going to have a nap and then get back to my SPP friends. Those people there are some of the best! I love them dearly and have to try to do something in return for all they do for me.

U.S. Daylight Savings Time in 2010: Clock Changes - When to Spring Forward and Fall Back

2010-09-13T04:26:00.000-04:00

U.S. Daylight Savings Time in 2010: Clock Changes - When to Spring Forward and Fall Back
By Jenny Evans 5 Dec 2009

Excerpt of Article:

Daylight Saving Time Dates
Under the new law, daylight saving time beginning and ending dates in the United States are:

•2010: March 14 and November 7
•2011: March 13 and November 6
•2012: March 11 and November 4
•2013: March 10 and November 3
•2014: March 9 and November 2
•2015: March 8 and November 1

Win a PureZone HEPA Sleep System from Pretty Pink Momma

2010-09-10T10:33:00.001-04:00

I entered to win a PureZone HEPA Sleep System from Pretty Pink Momma - you can too! Giveaway ends 10/10/2010 http://is.gd/f26tM

sweepbee@ec.rr.com

My Review of Ribbed V-neck plus size lounger by Comfort Choice®

2010-09-05T08:59:00.001-04:00

Originally submitted at OneStopPlus

Relax in style with the comfort of our best-selling ribbed lounger.

Roomy V-neck.

So very comfortable!

By KathyG_NC from Newport, NC on 9/5/2010

Waist: Feels true to size
Length: Feels true to length
Pros: Soft, Comfortable
Cons: Tends to pill, Large Tags
Best Uses: Lounging, Sleeping, Anytime at UR home
Describe Yourself: Casual Dresser

I have been buying and wearing this product for years! The older style didn't have a seam up the back, for some reason they changed that and now there is. They really need to go back to the old style, that seam isn't very comfortable up ones backside. They also need to remove or at least reduce the size of the tags. They are huge and itchy. They'd be better also if they had two pockets instead of the one.

All that said, these wear well and it took years before they really started to pill much. Even then they stayed soft and comfortable. I spend most of my life inside and in bed due to Chronic Pain and just couldn't live without these! I recommend that you wash them on delicate or hand wash cycle so they will last longer and not pill quite so soon.

I really hope Customer Service pays attention to these comments and will retool the design - remove that seam, remove the tags, and add a pocket. Then these would be a 10 star on any one's list!

(legalese)

Goodbye Earl! Next time don't stay so long and leave your friends behind!

2010-09-03T11:38:00.000-04:00

It's now Friday Sept 3rd and Earl, Hurricane Earl that is, has moved away. We were a bit worried when they upgraded the category to a 4 - that's a really bad assed storm! I had the phone numbers of hotels in the RDU area on hand just in case we headed out.

Wonderful relief that by 2am this morning, it was down to a category 2! That's nothing to worry about. Flooding is more of a concern at that level for us. We've lived here around 30 yrs, most of our lives have been spent here - this is home, northerners by birth - southerners by choice. Damn Yankees as they once called us when we first got here. You see there are Yankees and Damn Yankees - Yankees are northerners that come down here to visit then leave, Damn Yankees are northerners that come down here and stay! But our voices and behaviours have changed enough in 30 yrs that we're taken for locals now and that's how I've felt in my heart since I got here. Only change I'd make and we'll make that change in the future is we want to move off the coast and up into the mountains once JP retires from his current job. So, after all that time we know what to do and when to worry.

Always stay prepared from June to November down here - that's hurricane season. Yup unlike other folks who have 4 seasons, we have 5. But I do love North Carolina and would never ever even consider living in the north again. Being a part of the south is in my bones and my heart! God Bless the South!!

Thank God JP had retired from USMC and gets a nice retirement check and he works on base and makes good money otherwise we'd be in the streets - well I would... He's a wonderful man - always helpful and kind - never argues or fights with me. I believe we've only had 1 argument since we married - I can't remember any before we got married either so we've a good track record. As I said, we're each others halves we fit together perfectly.

It was nice having JP home yesterday - the base decided not to risk things and gave them all the day off with pay of course. Civil Service has it's benefits. = ) But he's back to work today - at least it's a long holiday weekend so we'll get three whole days together!! Normally he only has one day off each week, Sunday. Thank goodness they have a think against working overtime on a Sunday or we'd not get to spend much time together. In a way it works out well that I don't work outside the home - we get to spend all his at home time together. We're pretty much joined at the hip. Seeing as we'll both turn 50 this winter we need to be joined just to hold each other up! LOLJP and I have lived in the area since 1980, well I have since that's when the Navy stationed me here. But JP was stationed here in 1978 I believe. Me in Aviation, I was an Aviation Storekeeper something that the Navy has done away with and JP is composite/metal repair on Harriers back then. It was only a matter of time before we'd finally meet. Then Dec 22 1984 some mutual friends invited us both over to visit and play cards. From there it's history - we were engaged Feb 14, 1985 and married Aug 30, 1985 at 8:30pm. Easy to remember the time since it matched the date. We still joke about that to this day.

So anyone with a calendar can tell that we just celebrated our Silver (25th) Wedding Anniversary!! I'm very lucky to have him in my life. Through all the years he's the only man I can really trust! Every other one I met betrayed me in some way, shape or form. But in all theses years JP has never lied to me or been unfaithful or been the type that who'd rather spend time away from me than with me. He's my other half! There was a time things got rocky for us and we did separate for a few years but even separated we talked everyday and saw each other often - even dated each other. = ) It didn't take me too long to realize that no matter the problem we had we were much better together than apart. I regret the changes all that made to our lives - apart my health got worse and we had to sell our beautiful big house and well lets just say our lives went to hell in a hand basket! Now with me out of work because of my health and unable to get a steady doctor to help me and support my claim for disability I bring no money home.

15 Years Later: Remembering Windows 95 with memories of DOS & Keypunch cards

2010-08-25T21:48:00.000-04:00

Click this link for the full article by Brandon LeBlanc:
15 Years Later: Remembering Windows 95

My Thoughts on that article - Starting to feel my age reading this. I remember the cross over from ordinary DOS to Windows 3.11 which was way before 95 came along. It was an amazing cross over and although some who never had to deal with writing out multiple batch files just to open a game or application Windows especially 95 was a miracle! 3.11 gave us so much for the first time we didn't have to do that on our own - it was all taken care of - all we needed to do was click an icon! Fabulous! I thought I would share this trip down memory lane with you. I'm certain there are many of you out there who like me were there from the beginning. Key punched cards, Reals of tape, mainframe that took up entire floors of buildings with their massive machines. Working with the old Burroughs machines to input and access information and it's loud typing sounds as it beat out the info on rolls of yellow paper and color monitors that were either Green or Amber - those were the colors you could choose to have your info displayed on a screen. LOL

Things have improved for the better and it's still impressive to me
30 yrs later. = )

Kathy Guillemette

Health.com: Fibromyalgia

2010-08-23T13:14:00.000-04:00

There is a lot of great information on this site for Fibromyalgia. I highly suggest you take a look. = )

Health.com: fibromyalgia Search Results

Talking about Why Fibromyalgia Has a Credibility Problem - MSN Health & Fitness - Fibromyalgia

2010-08-23T09:13:00.000-04:00

Why Fibromyalgia Has a Credibility Problem - MSN Health & Fitness - Fibromyalgia

This is a wonderful article and gives those who suffer such as myself and even those who don't a better understanding of the syndrome. There are far too many who dismiss this condition and will just tell you or hint around that it's all in your mind and you're not suffering. Funny then how for years and years millions of patients had been telling their doctors they suffer from the same problems and this long before it was given a name or studied for symptoms.

Now it's clear that it's a all too real problem that effects not only woman but men too. Of course I'm of the old school and know that they never would have started to examine or study these symptoms until men started to feel the same as the woman, had the same complaints. Doctors, well not all of course that would be stupid to say all Doctors, but most anyway don't take women's complaints as serious as they do men's.

Even something well known such as heart attacks effect women differently and for years the symptoms were dismissed. It's only been within the last decade or two that it has been shown that when a woman has a heart attack that truly the symptoms won't be exactly as a mans. That in of itself was a victory for woman everywhere. We finally got them to listen to us and do something about it without having a man show the same presentation.

With Fibromyalgia or FM the symptoms are very much the same but it effects more woman then men. FM studies are still in their infancy. Those of us who have suffered for so long finally have hope that a real cure may be found. I was diagnosed in 1992 with FM by my primary care manager (Doctor) and referred out to someone in Internal Medicine. Sadly that doctor didn't believe in FM. So I've clung to my PCM firmly. At least there I was believed and given treatments that have gone a long way to helping me on those non flair days. But most of my days are flair days so I suffer a great deal but always try to put on a smile for those I love.

Most all sufferers know all too well that FM has destroyed the vast majority of our relationships. I for example have no local friends only those that I've met online.    My husband of 25 years and my daughter both stand by my side and are very devoted and understanding. But the rest of my family that I was once close to have now snubbed me. They think that because I don't spend time with them, go visit them, and be all cheerful that I am a stuck up Bitch. That I only care about myself. And now that my back has given me so much trouble and I live each day in a brace unable to travel much well that just put the cherry on top for most of them. As my DH and DD would say about those who feel that way, well that's their loss!

To those who choose to ignore me because they think I am putting myself about you – it’s not true. I try my best to always put the needs of others above my own but then there are times that it’s impossible. I have to think of myself constantly and decide how much I can manage in a day and how it will effect me in the long run. Please take a moment and read the BlogSpot post called “The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino”

It is my hope that someone will read these and finally gain some understanding of what a person with FM or some other form of Chronic Pain feels and has to go through daily just to live. It is especially hoped by me that one of my lost family members will understand and realize that I do love them and wish with all my heart that I could see them more often and put them first physically as they are in my heart and mind.

Talking about Why Fibromyalgia Has a Credibility Problem - MSN Health & Fitness - Fibromyalgia

2010-08-23T09:10:00.001-04:00

Quote

Why Fibromyalgia Has a Credibility Problem - MSN Health & Fitness - Fibromyalgia

The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino

2010-08-22T09:45:00.000-04:00

In my continuing effort to inform and educate people on the effects and of living with Chronic Pain I will present as often as possible my findings and share what information I have here. Yesterday I gave you a reprint of a article from an unknown author. Today I am happy to say we know the author and I'm able to share it with you and give you the link so that you can buy reprints from her at her site.

Although Christine wrote this about Lupus and the suffering she deals with each day - this also can apply to those of us who suffer from Chronic Pain daily and how to explain what it's like to your friends. I am unable to reprint the story here due to her copyright restrictions so I will do the next best thing. Here is the link to her story as published on http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com

The Spoon Theory
written by Christine Miserandino

Dealing with Chronic Pain

2010-08-21T20:28:00.000-04:00

This letter was written and posted on the internet with no author revealed. I thought for those of us who suffer with chronic pain that I would pass it along for you.

Letter to people without chronic pain:

Having chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about chronic pain and its affects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed.

In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand:

These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me.

Please understand that being sick doesn’t mean I’m not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I’m not much fun to be with, but I’m still me– stuck inside this body. I still worry about school, my family, my friends, and most of the time, I’d like to hear you talk about yours too.

Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy." When you’ve got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but, I’ve been sick for years. I can’t be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard not being miserable. So, if your talking to me and I sound happy, it means I’m happy. That’s all. It doesn’t mean that I’m not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I’m getting better, or, any of those things. Please don’t say, "Oh, you’re sounding better!" or "But, you look so healthy!" I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look "normal." If you want to comment on that, you’re welcome.

Please understand that being able to stand up for ten minutes doesn’t necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes or an hour. Just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn’t mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you’re paralyzed and can’t move. With this one, it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo yo. I never know from day to day how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. This is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain.

Thats what chronic pain does to you.

Please understand that chronic pain is variable. It’s quite possible (for many, it’s common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I’ll have trouble getting to the next room. Please don’t attack me when I’m ill by saying " You did it before" or "oh I know you can do this!" If you want me to do something, ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.

Please understand that the "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don’t know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Telling me that I need exercise, or do some things to "get my mind off of it" may frustrate me to tears and is not correct. If I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don’t you think I would?

I am working with my doctor and I am doing what I am supposed to do.

Another statement that hurts is: "You just need to push yourself more, try harder." Chronic pain can affect the whole body or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can’t always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn’t you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or years?), but it is not created by depression.

Please understand that if I have to sit down, lie down, stay in bed, or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to do it right now. It can’t be put off of forgotten just because I’m somewhere or I in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.

If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don’t. It’s not because I don’t appreciate the thought, and it’s not because I don’t want to get well. Lord knows that isn’t true. In all likelihood if you’ve heard of it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made sicker, not better. This can involve side effects or allergic reactions. It also has includes failure, which in and of itself can make me feel even lower. If there was something that cured, or even helped people with my form of chronic pain, then we’d know about it. There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with chronic pain. If something worked, we would KNOW. Its definitely not for lack of trying. If, after reading this, you still feel the need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said and discuss it with my doctor.

If I seem touchy, its probably because I am. It’s not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be "normal." I hope you will try to understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general.

In many ways I depend on you — people who are not sick. I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out. Sometimes I need you to help me with the shopping, cooking or cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor or to the store. You are my link to normalcy. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of my life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able.

I know that I ask a lot from you, and I thank you for listening. It really does mean a lot.

Chronic Pain - My Story

2010-08-21T13:05:00.000-04:00

Today I was lucky enough to be directed to a group in Facebook that is for/about people who suffer from Chronic Pain. I have been suffering like that for the past 30 years but these past 10 years things have gotten worse and harder to ignore. In that group I posted My Story so they would understand where I was coming from. Since it took so much effort to pull all that together there I just don't have much left to write something else here. So, here is a brief look into my world.

Repost from Facebook:

My name is Kathy and here is My Story:

Trying to decide just where to start. I have had more aliments than I care to remember really. I still suffer with most or from treatments to rid me of problems. It never amazes me though just how few doctors will listen to you. In a way I've been lucky since I've been seeing military doctors these past 30 years and not that all are bad but most will go along with 80% of what you say is wrong. Amazing! So it seems it's always been up to me to find out what may be my problem and then present it to the doctor - if they feel that I may be right they will order the tests to check for it. I'd say that I'm right more times than I am wrong.

Mind you I've had those doctors you just want to slap! Back in 1993 I starting feeling weak, depressed, with pain everywhere. The slightest touch was excruciating! The base doc said it was Fibromyalgia (amazing that a doctor back then would do that) and he was/is right but he refered me out to a civilian doc who as time progressed and I had new symptoms appear(extreme pain my back and down my legs) just decided that it was all in my head anyway and he ignored me. Then it got where I couldn't pee. I'd sit and sit and just have to wait for it to start on it's own. So to appease me he refereed me out to a neurologist for tests. In the referral which I am positive he didn't intend for me to ever read he said to do this and that test and what ever else was needed to prove to me that nothing was wrong! What an IDIOT! The neuro did the tests and immediately sent me for an MRI, something very new in those days. Within days he called me and had set-up an appointment with a neuro surgeon - a couple of days later I was in the surgeons office - he took one look at the films and within an hour admitted me to the hospital within for surgery scheduled for the next morning! I had a ruptured/herniated disc in my lower back and he was just so amazed that I was even walking - he said it should have paralyzed me! So it just goes to show that if you fee, you know thatl something is wrong, by all means push and push until you get the answers you're looking for.

After the surgery the neuro surgeon expected me to seek a medical retirement since I had the surgery and suffered from FM. Silly me just could't do that then - I pushed myself for many years more until finally I am at the point I am today. Then I would have had the doctors behind me to push to qualify for disability but now that I am disabled I can't find a doctor who is willing to fight for me so I am stuck without any monies of my own and must live off my husbands income. I really hate that!! I feel like a parasite that feeds off him - slowly pushing him into the grave by working him to death. That takes me to an all time low depression which I find very hard to crawl out of. I do my best and often have a couple of days in a row where I feel pretty good, considering everything. But then slip, bam, and I'm back to staying in bed doing nothing as the world passes me by yet once again.

To date my problems are; Gallbladder inflammation which causes extreme pain in my right side to the point I can't breath at times. Severe depression from multiple of factors including stress from 9/11 (I worked with/at the Pentagon). Fibromyalgia(FM) which has so many symptoms I can't go into listing them . I also suffer from Migraines, Chronic Sinusitis, Allergies to dust, mold, pet fur/dandruff, IBS(Irritable bowel syndrome), Hiatial Hernia, GERD(Gastroesophageal reflux disease), POS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome)-I've lost 1 ovary from this, Uterine Fibroids-I've lost my uterus from this, degenerative disc disease-3 discs have blown to date - 3 discs removed and they drilled up the center of my lower spine, up from my tailbone to insert a rod, and then placed two rods on either side of my spine and multiple screws to hold those two there. I've had to date 3 surgeries just on my lower back alone. Nerve Damage that causes, Chronic parasthesia(burning sensation), Regional loss of sensitivity, Restless legs syndrome(RLS), Loss of sexual interest/desire(lets just say it's been years!) Plus some meds make me fall asleep for brief periods so I've given up having a car and driving and have to depend on others to bring me everywhere and to do most everything for me. I take about 30 different medications and supplements daily to take the edge off the symptoms and those meds of course have side effects - some of which actually add to the problems or are doing things to me that I have to have my blood tested every 6 months to be sure they haven't caused damage.

Whew... way too much - far too many. If it wasn't for my husband and daughter I would have cashed in my chips long ago. But I love them both too much to do something like that to them. I've lost most every real friend and alienated/disappointed every other family member - no one wants to hear your complaints all the time and eventually they just get fed up and leave your life. Being alone like that does the most damage I think. We're humans, social animals who need the love and companionship of others, we need to be held and loved and cared about. Yes, I have my husband and daughter - but the depression from losing everyone else just adds to the list of problems.

I am glad to those friends I've made online. But they get sick of hearing about it all also and tend to slip away in the dark of night, never to be heard from again. I know even we the suffers get tired of listening, even to ourself... mostly ourselves. We're sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm sure there is more but one additional problem, I have trouble remembering things.

Bless you all - May your days be brighter and lighter very soon! {soft hugs}

Re-Thinking the OneHanesPlace SIte

2010-08-12T15:27:00.000-04:00

After finding the great deal I went place my order. It never processed!! I've tried 2 days in a row and both times failed.

Instead, still using Ebates, choose to go to Hanes.com you'll get a 4% kickback from Ebates and if you use code DOTOMIDSC you'll get a 10% discount from your order. The cost of mens brief's are only slightly more expensive from Hanes. There you can get 7 pairs for $6.99 Hanes Men's Briefs 7-Pair Pack Where as the OneHanesPlace had pretty much the same type 7 pairs for $6.74.

At least I know for a fact the Hanes.com site is working. I've placed my order, got my 10% from them, the 4% from Ebates and a special price of $3.99 for shipping from Hanes also. So not a bad deal!

Enjoy your day and always remeber if you're willing to put in a little extra time you can always find discounts and great prices for many items online. Take it from me. I do most of my personal shopping online and have gotten several hundred dollars back in kickbacks alone. You see I can't drive due to the meds I take and since my husband and daughter both work it's nearly impossible for me to get out of the house to shop so the Internet has become my shopping buddy. = )
Happy Shopping!

Update: I will forewarn you that if you order print ladies underwear that they tend to run a bit smaller than the solid colors. Not sure why - maybe they have the wrong size information. Also, if you buy the Pink Ribbon selection, no matter if it's a print or solid color they run smaller, much smaller, I suggest ordering at least a size larger with these. Sadly I have a size 10 and that's as large as they go. I really hate that!! Size 11 would be so much better fitting for me.

Wonderful sale at OneHanesPlace!

2010-08-12T11:37:00.000-04:00

Wonderful sale at OneHanesPlace!

For any who are in need of new undergarments such as Men's Underwear I found a great deal yesterday. First and foremost you really must sign up at Ebates! A brief message from Ebates:

Hi,
I wanted to tell you about Ebates, a shopping site that gives you up to 26% Cash Back every time you shop online. You can shop at over 1000 stores including eBay, JCPenney, Macy's, Nordstrom, Overstock.com, Walmart, Kohl's and Home Depot. Plus you get additional savings with exclusive coupons, free shipping offers, and limited-time sales!

Sign up with Ebates today and we'll each get a $5 bonus when you make your first purchase!
Happy shopping! http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=PbIhKr3WXxs%3D

Once signed up search for OneHanesPlace. By using Ebates you'll get 3% back from this store and for a limited time there is a coupon code 612333 that will give you $1.99 shipping on any order at that store. Hurry the code expires 13Aug10!

Now for the great deal! You can get 6 pairs of Hanes Mens Underwear for only $6.79! You really can't find a better price than that! While there you'll find great prices on socks and bras and all sorts of great items.

Happy Shopping!

A time to start

2010-08-11T09:50:00.000-04:00

Good Morning friends and friends yet to be. I am a 49 yr old w/w and I've been married nearly 25 yrs. Aug 30th will mark the day my husband JP and I made our vows to one another. In all those years our lives have changed drasticly - up's and down's from rags to riches and back to rags again. All in all some things have remained steady. We've stayed the same people we always were. We love our families and friends and there isn't a thing we wouldn't do for any of them if it is in our power.

Starting out young and fairly poor we worked and worked, saved and tried our best to provide a good life for our daughter and for ourselves. We also helped my late Mother have more than she would have had alone. This caused some problems along the way with others although that was the very last thing we ever wanted to do. JP's family understands and holds no ill will towards us. They are like we are - happy for anyone and everyone who can get one step further ahead in their lives. Never ones to be jelious or mean to anyone. Even those who have hated us and caused us pain we still to this day don't wish anything ill. I always told my daughter something as she was growning up, "There are times I'm not going to like you very much but I will always love you!". You know those times when a child or adult for that matter has you down to that last thread (straw). Those are the times you're just not going to like that person much. But if I love you, I will always love you, no matter what! If you need me I am there. Just let me know what I can do and I will do all that I can to help you get it.

I will always love my family but there are times I really don't like them much. Those days when they have hurt me more than a body can stand... I may not like them, but I will always love them. Time is the key to change opnions but nothing can change love! Not real love. Real love can only grow - it will never die away.
As I mentioned at the start of my blog, I suffer from FMS and many other ailments. FMS is the abrvation for Fibromyalgia Syndrom. I also suffer from depression, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) for which I've had 1 major surgery for, Degenerative Disc Disease (DDD) and have had 3 major surgeries for that, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in both my wrists but mainly in my left. I also have problems with Insomnia which is associated with my FMS. FMS has also caused me to suffer from horrible headaches, memory loss, and the inablity to live a normal life. As if having 3 rods and several screws in my lower back weren't enough to keep me bedridden. All these things certainly make living life hard not only on me but on my family. Many can't or won't understand why I don't travel 16 hrs to visit more often or why I can't remember some things until it's far too late to do anything about it.

I once was the one who remembered every one's birthday, anniversary, and many other details. Now I'm lucky I remember what day of the week it is and some times I have actually forgotten what month it is! It's getting worse too. I can only hope it's temporary and that my mind will learn to function better once again. I've already asked my husband that if things turn into Alzheimer's Disease that I wish to be put away when things get difficult. I don't want to make him or anyone else suffer because of my problems. It's bad enough now that I can't work and can't seem to get a doctor that's willing to go the extra steps to get me on disability. Poor JP works 6 days a week sometimes 10 hours a day too boot. Just to support us. I thank the powers that be for JP having stuck it out in the USMC for 20 years so as to get his retirement. Our health insurance is very affordable. Free if we wish only to be treated on base but with all of my problems we have TriCare Health Insurance. It's a blessing and a half! Most of our medications are free and those that aren't carried on base only cost us $3 a month each.

Examples of how TriCare has helped. One of the past back surgeries, I can't remember them all. But one of them I remember that it was over $123,000! We only paid the daily rate for our cost share - I think it's like $12 a day. You can't beat that!! I was in the hospital for a week and we spent somewhere in the area of $65 for the stay, medications, labs and surgery!!

I am still on so much Morphine that I can't function fully. I can't well don't dare drive an auto. We had just traded in our Jeep Wrangler for a Dodge Avenger so that I could get in and out of the auto to go to doctors and such and then as things lingered the new dodge sat there gathering dust and costing far too much to justify it sitting there. Lucky for all involved our daughter needed a new car. So as it worked out she has taken over the payments from us. We kept the same bank loan in our name, but she makes the payments and when it's paid off we'll sign it over to her. That way since we'd already been paying on it for a couple of years no one really loses out. Well I guess we lose the money we paid in but it saved us from selling it back to the dealer for pennies. We would much rather have Kim make out on the deal than the dealer or banker!

This has taken me ages to write out. Spell check is a God send! Mind you I don't know if it all makes sense but I do know it's spelt correctly! LOL

I hope all of this not only helps others but myself also. If I forget at least I know there is one place I can find bits of my life written out. There will be more to come. I will try each morning to sit here and write about my prior day. Giving links when I talk about something specific to help us all.