daily FISK! a humorous at the news (headlines only)

Lil' Kim Comes up Short

2006-07-04T14:15:00.000-07:00

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air...

I've heard of a war of rhetoric, but this is ridiculous. It seems that Lil' Kim's talk is bigger than his appendage. Apparently he misfired his rocket, (the Taepo long-dong-2 series) and spit blanks, er came up short... I mean, it wasn't the long-range missile that was expected. Brings a whole new meaning to the term pencil dick don't you think.

Coincidentally, the good ole US of A fired off it's national phallic symbol just in time for the fireworks and singing of the national anthem.

You just gotta love the irony. Happy 4th of July everyone!

Related links: news, world news, us-news, in the news, news headlines, headline news, news and politics, north korea, humor, satire

MarketingSherpa Announces Blog Awards 2006

2006-06-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

Well whoop-dee-doo! MarketingSherpa has announced the winners of their annual awards for business and marketing blogs. I'm sorry but I can't take this all that seriously. Especially when I see who some of the so-called winners are.

I mean, who are these people? I could easily find better bloggers that are far more deserving of an award.

Take for example Andy Wibbels. Is that a name or a condition? Give me a break. Have you ever heard the guy speak? Letsth justh sthay I've heard canariesth with lessth pitch in their warble. And of course I can always count on my favorite link baiter (Seth Godin) to lead the charge.

These turkeys are a bunch of self-congratulatory egoist hucksters marching to the beat of their own drum. Need proof?

Have you ever heard of stuffing the ballot box? Here is an example of its electronic equivalent if there ever was (http://andywibbels.com/post/1143):

"The nominations came through and I’ve been nominated for a MarketingSherpa award… help me nab the prize! Vote early, vote often!"

Have you no shame. I can only wonder how many times Andy voted for himself. Obviously enough times to win. He probably nominated himself too. Thank goodness for anonymous proxy servers.

So congrats to all the winners (there goes that tongue in my cheek again).

Related links: daily fisk, humour, humor, satire

CyberCoder to the Rescue!

2006-06-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

You might have noticed that the FISK's left column has been playing hide and seek for the past couple of weeks.

Well after a few sleepless nights in (almost) Seattle, I called on a friend of mine - the infamous CyberCoder who figured out the problem in quick fashion.

If you're a geek or a wannabe geek or need to know about stuff like Ajax etc., then he's the guy to read. Much thanks my friend.

Related links: blog, weblog, blogging, blogtech, webtech, web 2.0, blog resources, computing, internet, computers and internet, technology, tech

2006-06-11T23:25:00.000-07:00

links for 2006-06-11

Uber Microsoft Propogandist Scoble Jumps Ship

Scoble was quoted as saying: "I wish to thank Bill Gates for giving me an opportunity at Microsoft catapulting me onto the blogger A-list. But above all I wish to thank my loyal suckup fans who have made this all possible. For without you I am nothing". Amen brother.

(tags: computing, internet, computers+and+internet, technology, tech, scobleizer, humour, humor)

Uber Microsoft Propogandist Scoble Jumps Ship

2006-06-11T18:56:00.000-07:00

Slippery Bloggers getting their Palms Greased

Robert Scoble has joined that elite group of A-listers who have successfully exploited their new found fame in the blogosphere. He is reported to be leaving Microsoft for a more lucrative job offer.

Scoble was quoted as saying:

"I wish to thank Bill Gates for giving me an opportunity at Microsoft catapulting me onto the blogger A-list. But above all I wish to thank my loyal suckup fans who have made this all possible. For without you I am nothing".

Amen brother.

Todays Blog Quiz:

So what is the difference between a self-serving politician, and a self-serving blogger?

Absolutely nothing.

Related links: computing, internet, computers and internet, technology, tech, scobleizer, humour, humor, satire, microsoft, bill+gates

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is Dead Meat

2006-06-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

At least he still has his head attached, which is more than we can say for his victims.

You live by Violence, You Die by Violence

Related links: current events, current affairs, terror, terrorism, terrorist

The Blogosphere is Rigged

2006-05-21T19:22:00.000-07:00

(Un)equal Opportunity Bloggers

Jessica Guynn poses the question:

Why is this supposedly democratic medium recreating real-world inequality? A blogarchy has emerged from the Internet equivalent of an "American Idol" popularity contest. This elite clique of bloggers -- the so-called A-listers who get checked out more often than Lindsay Lohan -- attract the largest online audience. All those eyeballs can deliver cachet, cash and the coveted contract for a blook (a book based on a blog).

Jessica goes on to discuss inequality in the blogosphere where it seems that 1% is getting 99% of the traffic. But she goes too far when she whines that most of the A-listers are men.

She seems to have forgotten that the Huffington Post, Ann Althouse, the Wonkette et al are blogs run by women A-listers. So I don't want to turn this into a pissing match between the sexes.

Trust me when I say there are a whole lot of male bloggers that are in the same boat. No matter how hard they try and tweak their sites they just can't seem to crack the barrier.

But the truth of the matter is there is a disproportionate amount of traffic going to only a privileged few that have eked out there own network hierarchy within the blogosphere.

And so, a complex social phenomenon becomes purely mathematical: The more links pointing to you -- especially from big-time bloggers -- the more readers you will have (according to the method of judging blog popularity by number of links)... talk about creating a powerful, self-reinforcing and very exclusive network.

The Blogosphere is Rigged

Unfortunately this sort of BS becomes self-perpetuating when blog search sites such as the Truth Laid Bear, Technorati, and Sphere et al reinforce the A-list mentality with their stupid juvenile ratings. Even Google's Blog Search has a "Sort by relevance" filter which is the default setting.

The A-listers bank on the gullibility of blogging newbies who don't know any better. After all, we just want to belong don't we? So we hang around the A-lister's like a pack of stray dogs at the corner store hoping they will throw us a bone or two (i.e. links).

Search Filters:

We can't even install a news reader today without a ready-made A-list, and a perusal of the search engines (I call them search filters) will quickly point us in their direction.

So where does that leave the rest of the 99%? On the outside looking in that's where. Like I said before, the Blogosphere has turned into one big frat party. And here I thought I left jerks like that back in school. What a crock. Feh!

More Signal, Less Noise:

These blogarchy types subscribe to the theory of "More Signal, Less Noise". Meaning -- YOU are the noise.

Sure, some of the blogarchy deserve to be there. There's no questioning that. BUT I can find better blog writers any day of the week than most of these so-called A-listers.

So here is a dirty little secret for all of you not yet in the know. The blogosphere has been rigged. The majority of the A-listers only got where they are because they have high profile jobs, are members of elite blog networks they have created, or were linked to by other A-listers that they sucked up to. It is a self-serving megalomaniac gang of social climbers that there ever was.

So what can you do about it?

Well for one thing you can stop blogrolling these A-list nincompoops. Don't give them any of your link love. If you still have a morbid curiosity and want them within easy reach then just bookmark them. But whatever you do DO NOT give them a pagerank boost by linking to them in your blog.

Start your own blogroll with bloggers who have a similar focus. Visit them often and link to their posts. Comment on their posts and create your own cosmos support group. That's a good start.

Or better still, just suck up to them and hope you get linked. Just kidding (I think). Show me love. ;-)

Related links: daily fisk, fun, funny, humor, humour, satire

Carnival of the Best of Me Symphony

2006-05-15T15:48:00.000-07:00

The Best of Me Symphony is now up hosted by none other than the infamous Friedrich Nietszche. Do yourself a favor and check out all the fun and frivolity.

Related links: daily fisk, fun, funny humor, humour, best of me symphony

McCain Attacks Bloggers, Sinks Ship with Loose Lips

2006-05-13T23:55:00.000-07:00

That's no easy feat even for an old navy man such as John McCain. He says bloggers are old enough to fight his damn wars but not enough to speak our mind.

Think Progress notes McCain's attack on the blogosphere:

When I was a young man, I was quite infatuated with self-expression, and rightly so because, if memory conveniently serves, I was so much more eloquent, well-informed, and wiser than anyone else I knew. It seemed I understood the world and the purpose of life so much more profoundly than most people. I believed that to be especially true with many of my elders, people whose only accomplishment, as far as I could tell, was that they had been born before me, and, consequently, had suffered some number of years deprived of my insights…It’s a pity that there wasn’t a blogosphere then. I would have felt very much at home in the medium.

Damn the torpedoes and full steam ahead. I think we've just been broadsided matey.

Very wittily said John, but all you've accomplished is to demonstrate your ignorance of the Blogosphere. If you only knew how old I really am (but don't you dare ask).

So I guess we've all been told. So much for freedom of speech. Maybe we should put an age limit on it. Now there's an idea for you John. There outta be a law.

In 2000, John McCain called Rev. Jerry Falwell an “agent of intolerance.” Yesterday, in a naked attempt to broaden his political base, McCain delivered the commencement speech at Falwell’s Liberty University. McCain’s hypocrisy was noted on many blogs. He returned the favor in his speech at Liberty by attacking the blogosphere.

A commentor also noted:

McCain’s lurch to the right begs the following question: Could it be possible that Republicans are also saddled with shitty consultants?

Psst... here's a dirtly little secret. McCain's a mole. So now you know.

Related links: daily fisk, news, us-news, in the news, news and politics, politics, political, john+mccain, blogging, blogosphere, humor, fisk

The Carnival of Comedy

2006-05-12T18:23:00.001-07:00

The Carnival of Comedy is being hosted this week by the faux doctor himself Dr. Phat Tony so be sure to check it out.

Related links: daily fisk, entertainment, fun, funny humor, humour

Free Online TV

2006-05-05T01:21:00.000-07:00

This in from Blog Bloke. You can watch over 70 TV Stations and 700 TV Show Episodes for FREE. I'm watching Monty Python (now you know where my sense of humor came from). Hmm... I wonder if they have Faulty Towers?

Related links: fun, funny humor, humour, daily fisk, monty python, faulty towers

Colbert Video Pulled from YouTube

2006-05-04T21:33:00.000-07:00

But you can still find it here:

The videos of Stephen Colbert's speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner have been pulled from YouTube. C-SPAN which owns the copyright to the videos asked YouTube to remove them. BUT you can still view the videos on iFilm and AOL's The Daily Pulse. And here's another one I found @ PeekVid.

Related links: daily fisk, news, fun, funny humor, humour, colbert

Colbert Fisks Bush... is removed from A-List

2006-05-03T00:19:00.000-07:00

Me thinks he won't be invited to the White House anytime soon:

Was it just me or did Colbert sound more mean spirited than funny? I know what you're thinking. Look who's talking, but still... check out the video for yourself.

You can view parts 11 and 111 here.

UPDATE: The Colbert video was pulled but you can still find it here.

Related links: media, in the news, news headlines, headline news, news and politics, politics, political, fun, funny humor, humour, daily fisk, bush, youtube

2006-04-29T23:20:00.000-07:00

links for 2006-04-29

Guy Kawasaki: 120 day Blogging 'Expert'

One of his favorite pastimes is to email everyone that has the misfortune to come across his computer. Then again, Guy has his own unique definition of what constitutes spam. I rather liked Dave Winer's response the best:

(tags: business, marketing, daily+fisk, guy+kawasaki, humor, dave+winer)

Guy Kawasaki: 120 day Blogging 'Expert'

2006-04-28T13:50:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to think that I should change the name of this blog to the daily FISKing of Guy Kawasaki.

So-called expert Guy Kawasaki (blogging 120 days and counting... and no, I'm not giving him a link unless he returns the favour) throws us more pearls about how to ~~evangelize~~ huckster our blogs.

It seems that one of his favorite pastimes is to email everyone that has the misfortune to come across his computer. Then again, Guy has his own unique definition of what constitutes spam:

"When I started this blog, I sent out 10,000 email announcements... for example, when a bozo includes you on a large carbon-copy email, mine the addresses."

I rather liked Dave Winer's response the best:

"Disclaim: Scripting News does not meet the high standards of 120-day blogger Guy Kawasaki."

Guy calls it "evangelizing". I call it a pain in the ass.

UPDATE: Better Bad News picks up the ball with "Who Gives a Shiitake". And the blogfather himself Dave Winer liked the post so much that he even linked to it. I'm honoured folks.

Related links: business, marketing, daily fisk, guy kawasaki, humor, dave winer

2006-04-15T23:20:00.000-07:00

links for 2006-04-15

The Lost Gospel of Judas

With Easter upon us there is much talk about the lost gospel of Judas, the disciple best known for betraying Jesus Christ. Apparently this manuscript paints Judas in a more favorable light as someone who was only doing Christ's bidding. But does that real

(tags: daily+fisk, current+events, current+affairs, opinion, jesus+christ, judas, religion, easter)

The Lost Gospel of Judas

2006-04-14T18:02:00.000-07:00

With Easter upon us there is much talk about the so-called lost gospel of Judas, the disciple best known for betraying Jesus Christ. Apparently this manuscript paints Judas in a more favorable light as someone who was only doing Christ's bidding.

According to radiocarbon dating the papyrus is purported to be dated between A.D. 220 and 340. Other tests confirm it is consistent with known ancient methods and ingredients in known inks from the third and fourth centuries A.D.

It's all very interesting, but given that it was written by someone else a considerable time after the death of Judas it amounts to little more than the stuff that myths and legends are made of.

Happy Easter!

Related links: daily fisk, current events, current affairs, opinion, jesus christ, judas, religion, easter

2006-04-12T23:22:00.000-07:00

links for 2006-04-12

Ten Observations of a Rookie Blogger

Whilst perusing Dave Winer's blog I accidentally came across Guy Kawasaki's ten observations that he's learned in his first 100 days of blogging. The ones that are the most revealing are:

(tags: writing, write, guy kawasaki, satire, humor, blogging)

Ten Observations of a Rookie Blogger

2006-04-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

Whilst perusing Dave Winer's blog I accidentally came across Guy Kawasaki's ten observations that he's learned in his first 100 days of blogging.

The ones that are the most revealing are:

1. "The more popular a person thinks he is in the blogosphere, the thinner his skin and the thicker his hypocrisy. This should be exactly the opposite: the higher you go the thicker the skin and thinner the hypocrisy." Only happy to oblige Guy. We'll test that theory shall we.

5. "An expert who blogs is more interesting than a blogger who experts". What I'm not certain of is whether Guy is talking about himself. Would a hundred days of blogging count towards becoming an "expert"? (NOT).

6. "Blogging technology is a piece of cake. TypePad powers my blog, and this product is very well done. Plus, almost all the things that one would want a blog to do are (a) available and (b) free--or very cheap"... Hmm, what Guy doesn't seem to realize is most of us seasoned bloggers didn't have it served to us on a silver platter. We had to learn (and sometimes create like Dave Winer for example) the technology and hack our blogs into shape the hard way.

9. "I love this Technorati ranking thing. I know it probably doesn't mean much, but it's fun. I'll never play in the NHL, and I'll never start a billion-dollar company, but I could get into the Technorati top ten"... That's all we need. A class system in the blogosphere. I can see the headlines now: "Former writer rises to the creme of the blogosphere riding his own shirt tail."

And my most favorite of all:

3. ... "It's a good thing I have eight books to plagiarize." That sez it all don't you think? Nothing new here.

And lastly:

10. "It's hard to make money blogging. The advertising revenues don't add up to much, but there are other significant rewards like helping people change the world." Heh, don't flatter yourself Guy. But thanks for the laughs anyway. You provide us with so much material. It's much appreciated and welcome to the blogosphere. We're looking forward to the next 100 days. Seriously.

Related links: writing, write, guy kawasaki, satire, humor, blogging

2006-03-28T22:24:00.000-08:00

links for 2006-03-28

This Week's Idiot Award

This embarrassing episode is a stain on the entire blogosphere and only proves the Fisk's point. So I'll raise Domenech's ante by saying that I take enormous pride in being a neo-nothing, 'cause to be neo-anything is to be a (not so neo) IDIOT. (Pun intended)

(tags: politics, humor, blogging, fun, satire, ben+domenech)

This Week's Idiot Award

2006-03-27T19:35:00.000-08:00

I'm a Neo-Nothing:

Last Friday, fallen neo-conservative blogger (and wannabe journalist) Ben Domenech (who was fired for plagiarism just hours after being recruited by the Washington Post) said:

"To my friends: thank you for your support. To my enemies: I take enormous solace in the fact that you spent this week bashing me, instead of America."

What an ego. That embarrassing episode has left a stain on the entire blogosphere and only proves what the Fisk has been saying all along. So I'll raise Domenech's ante by saying that I take enormous pride in being a neo-nothing, 'cause to be neo-anything is to be a (not so neo) IDIOT. (Pun most definitely intended).

Related links: politics, humor, blogging, fun, satire, ben domenech

Poof, went right over his head. I'm baaaaaaaaaack!

Sorry you haven't heard from me lately

2006-03-07T01:11:00.000-08:00

I've been busy tweaking and doing maintenance on my blog templates. Crikey, does it ever end? I will be back to business shortly. Promise.

...tag: daily fisk

Is Blogging Just About Getting More Traffic?

2006-03-02T21:52:00.000-08:00

I may regret this. My mom always told me to stay out of other people's fights. But I was always too headstrong for my own good so here goes.

Over at Copyblogger Brian tells us:

" Steve used a clever little PR gimmick (that would never work for an unknown blogger today, mind you) to literally propel himself to the enviable point he is now. Nothing wrong with that, unless of course, two years later, you look down from your A-List perch and proclaim that traffic is now bad."

Frankly I'm a little weary of the term "A-List". But I have to agree with that thought. It's easy to mock the tail that wags the blog when you're at the top.

A commentor said:

"Anyone who says traffic doesn't matter, relative to having a web presence, is either disingenuous or has a ton of traffic already. In Steve's case, likely both."

P.S.: It's called HYPOCRISY! Steve Rubel has redefined the art of tagging wrapping all his posts around ever popular keyword themes. "Blog", "Technorati, "Google", "Top Ten", "Best", "Success", "Killer", "Sex", "Porn"... whatever works. Slog that Technorati gravy train Steve and keep those numbers up.

Another commentor also mentioned performancing.com -- that self-absorbed group of omni poobahs forever beating their own drum. Until a couple of months ago nobody had ever heard of them. After spending a little advertising money at Technorati and a few smug posts later they have somehow transformed themselves into self-proclaimed blog experts.

Which only proves that if you toot your own horn loud and long enough you will begin to believe your own press. It also demonstrates how many gullible bloggers there are eager to jump on the blogging gold train.

Taking notes?

...shameless self-promoting tags: daily fisk blog weblog blogging blog tools technology tech fun funny humor humour technorati technorati tags keywords steve rubel link bait link baiting

Improved RSS Newsfeeds

2006-03-02T09:59:00.000-08:00

For your viewing pleasure we have improved our RSS newsfeeds. The feeds should be more readable and now come in three flavours.

You have three options to choose from:

1. Full Feed (the entire post);

2. Excerpts Only (a short intro to the post); or

3. Just Headlines only (self explanatory).

There are also three new options for joining our email newsletter. Just look at the right menu under the "Subscribe" menu.

Cheers!

You SUCK! Becoming an A-List Blogger

2006-02-24T15:02:00.000-08:00

Guy Kawasaki is running a contest to come up with a caption for a cartoon about his:

"abhorrent" article that I wrote called "How to Suck Up to a Blogger." Is this fun or what? I think it's flattering to know that you're worth skewering!

Nice try Guy. First you put your foot in it and then try to spin it off as a joke. A classic PR stunt to save face if there ever was.

Well the joke is on you bud and so the FISK has taken up the challenge to "skewer" his good buddy Guy one more time. Here goes.

Headline:

Schwag won't cut it this time:
So Kiss my Royal...

Bloggers' Response (shouting in unison):

And while you're at it kiss mine too!

DEFINITION of A-List:

daily FISK! a humorous at the news (headlines only)

Lil' Kim Comes up Short

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air...

MarketingSherpa Announces Blog Awards 2006

CyberCoder to the Rescue!

Uber Microsoft Propogandist Scoble Jumps Ship

Slippery Bloggers getting their Palms Greased

Todays Blog Quiz:

Absolutely nothing.

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is Dead Meat

You live by Violence, You Die by Violence

The Blogosphere is Rigged

(Un)equal Opportunity Bloggers

The Blogosphere is Rigged

Search Filters:

More Signal, Less Noise:

So what can you do about it?

Carnival of the Best of Me Symphony

McCain Attacks Bloggers, Sinks Ship with Loose Lips

The Carnival of Comedy

Free Online TV

Colbert Video Pulled from YouTube

But you can still find it here:

Colbert Fisks Bush... is removed from A-List

Me thinks he won't be invited to the White House anytime soon:

Guy Kawasaki: 120 day Blogging 'Expert'

The Lost Gospel of Judas

Ten Observations of a Rookie Blogger

The ones that are the most revealing are:

And my most favorite of all:

This Week's Idiot Award

I'm a Neo-Nothing:

Sorry you haven't heard from me lately

Is Blogging Just About Getting More Traffic?

Improved RSS Newsfeeds

You SUCK! Becoming an A-List Blogger

Schwag won't cut it this time: So Kiss my Royal...

So Kiss my Royal...

And while you're at it kiss mine too!

"A" stands for anal retentive, and "List" means getting in line behind the rest of the suckers.

Schwag won't cut it this time:
So Kiss my Royal...