Surrealism...On the March!

When Did TV Get Cool?

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 14:34:00 +0000

Yeah, Dan here. Shut up. I'm blogging now aren't I?

Anyway, stuff's been busy at the ol' Starbee's. Plus, you know, I've got hobbies and stuff- like watching my dreams die. They don't die quickly. It's a long, drawn out thing. It's a big commitment. Like watching Lost. Which I've also been doing. Because I have a lot of free-time. Because all I do is work at Starbuck's. But you know what? Lost sucks. I don't know why people kept recommending this to me. Is this really the best thing TV has to offer?

No. It's not. Apparently TV got real cool recently and no one (not even Vince) bothered to tell me. (Maybe he didn't know. Vince, that was unfair or me. I apologize.)

Anyway, apparently Catherine Deneuve's been doing some kind of GD media tour (to promote her new film Potiche). She did Craig Ferguson's show (home of the amazing dada-monologue), and it was amazing, watch it above. And I missed it. She also did Charlie Rose and The Joy Behar Show. And I missed all of that too. Ugh! I suck at this.

Dan.

'Bout Time - NPR Uncovers Hipsters Who Truly Understand the Internet

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 04:14:00 +0000

NPR reported today that hipsters in hipster enclaves around the country are lining the walls of their hipster coffee shops with lead to jam cell phone signals and paying money to surf the web on 28.8kbps modems. They're calling themselves slow-netters, or members of the slow-net movement.

Alice Waters, OK Go, and some neuroscientists are all 100% behind this. And may I say, it's about freaking time. I totally miss the excitement of downloading 256-color .GIF porno, and having the connection drop right before the boobies.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/allsongs/2011/04/01/135041848/ok-gos-damian-kulash-crafts-pro-dial-up-anthem?ft=1&f=15709577

Vince out.

Exit Through the Gift Shop

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 07:26:00 +0000

I have to admit, I'm really friggin' bummed about EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP.

As most of you know, Dan and I work our soul-crushing day jobs (this is a requisite for artists) at the Starbucks at Wilshire and Detroit in LA, where Detroit inexplicably goes about a half-block as a two-way and then becomes a one-way street. About a block off in either direction -- 6th street to the north, Fairfax about three blocks east, and La Brea a block west, we were seriously at ground zero for all of the street art showcased in the "documentary." Buff Monster, Mister Brainwash, even Banksy (who did a piece at our local car wash), etc, all did most of their work within shouting distance of...well, us.

First of all, for anybody who has any doubts, this "documentary" is utterly bullshit (sorry, Ty Burr in the Boston Globe). There is not a frame of this film that wasn't scripted and choreographed in advance. I feel like I can say this as 1) another weird-ass artist, and 2) a guy who lives and works right at ground zero. So, look, Academy, I know you've all got hard-ons to unmask Bansky at the awards ceremony, but this movie seriously should not even count as a documentary, because it is utter fabrication. Actually, Dan and I literally punched each other in the face for about ten minutes, trying to convince each other that people are for real taking this movie seriously, especially after the ludicrously staged third act, and we finally got tired and accepted the fact that apparently to everybody but us, this documentary kinda rings true. P-shaw.

The more I think about it, the more I kinda want to throw up. That also might be from the shots I took to the head. Dan is goddamn strong...for a bearded guy who isn't Brawny. I had no idea...I kinda always thought he was a bitch. Not Brawny. That guy's damn manly. Like, 70s porn star manly. I mean...nevermind. I love Amanda Palmer and want to have sex with her red hair. Yes. I am totally oriented to women.

Sorry. Again.

But the art thing. Look, danandvince have mad street cred after the Joaquin Phoenix thing, which is all over this blog, and you can read about until you are sleepy. So we tell you this: EXITH THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP is...half-baked. First of all, Mister Brainwash's stuff came out about the same time as all this other stuff, at least in LA, and artistically, it was every bit as valuable. You can say it was garbage, and meant nothing, just like you can say Banksy's little girl watering flowers on the side of a carwash means nothing. Or you can read significance into it, in that the juxtaposed images of Obama, Palin, and McCain in Marilyn make-up make a profound statement about the media whorishness of politicians. EXIT... would have you believe that if you took those image seriously, you're a dumbass, like all the extras they hired to show up at Mr. Brainwash's "show" at the old CBS building. Untrue. First of all, nobody that didn't live in Mid-Wilshire ever saw this stuff. I don't think there even was a real Mr. Brainwash show. Maybe there was, but Dan and I work crap hours, so maybe we missed it, but I guarantee those guys in the movie are extras.

Look. We used to be hella militant about what was art and what wasn't (we are art, everything else isn't...), and felt like everybody who didn't see things our way was re-stupi-tarded. I admit, we were wrong. But the thing is, when you get paid buckets and buckets of money for painting an elephant, you start to get really smug and superior about what is art and who can make it and what-all-else-not, but the fact is, art is beauty, and if something is beautiful to someone and they want to dump the price of a nice home on it...let them. I'm sorry they think beauty is so rare they must put such a premium on it. I recommend visiting Debs park on the east side. But nobody with money wants to drive east of the 405...their loss.

I will say this -- EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP and I'M STILL HERE are the same movie. People in each case perpetuated a giant hoax in public, and in front of video cameras, to make an obscure point about art and celebrity. EXIT... was handled better because they picked an obscure venue that didn't call attention to how it was being manipulated. But everybody who's mad at one film really should be mad at the other. This statement has the Dan and Vince guarantee.

Banksy, you're cool, but you're kind of a rich prick now. Dan and I were -- and this is no BS -- at Shepard Fairey's first solo show at the 1300 Gallery in Cleveland before anybody knew about this stuff. We were on the ground floor -- invisible, but present -- and we can smell a rat. Duchamp's point a hundred years ago was that if an artist says it's art and puts it in a gallery, it is art. Elmyr de Hory said that if you put a fake in a gallery and it hangs there long enough, it becomes real. Both were more right than you. You're saying that if an artist says it's art and puts it in a gallery anyone who believes it's actually art is stupid. You're wrong, rich guys. You made it real art, whether you meant to or not. To criticize the machine is to misunderstand the machine...in this particular case.

To summarize -- EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP will win the best documentary Oscar, because every voter in town wants to act like they were hip to what was going down in their back yard, as their limos drove them down Fairfax to the Fairbanks theater on La Cienega. Whatever. How Green Was My Valley. (that's a totally inside reference, and if you get it, you will vote for a different movie - INSIDE JOB, WAITING FOR SUPERMAN, or THE TILLMAN STORY, for instance. Or a write in for YEAR AT DANGER, which was criminally overlooked)

Vince -- in a more thoughtful mood than usual -- out.

To Clarify... (re: Jimmy Stewart and the Yeti)

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 23:50:00 +0000

Here's the thing. If you said to me "uhhh... The Smithsonian gave Jimmy Stewart the hand of a yeti because, you know, they can't have that thing sitting around in the friggin' Smithsonian- that would freak people out, so they were like 'we need to give this to someone trustworthy who can't be traced back to us' and Frank Capra was like 'I totally vouch for Jimmy Stewart... if you want to give it to that dude.' 'The actor dude?' the Smithsonian's curator would ask. 'Totally.' Capra would respond, nodding."

I would think about it, process it, and then say "that is ridiculous, but it kinda makes sense- so it seems like something you would make up in an attempt to trick me into believing it."

So I wouldn't believe you.

But if you said "Jimmy Stewart once stole a ceremonial yeti hand from a monastery in Tibet," I'd say back"but Jimmy Stewart was a good guy (except for in 'Rope') so he wouldn't steal something- and why would he be in Tibet? Your story doesn't work for numerous reasons! No one will believe this story! So... it must be true. If you were making this up, there would be some attempt on your part to use your knowledge of Jimmy Stewart and somehow create a sensible historical context- but there's none of that here, so you must not be making it up. You're not concerned with whether or not I believe it to be true- BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!"

Case closed.

Dan

Jimmy Stewart vs. the Yeti

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 23:54:00 +0000

We just heard a rumor from utterly unreliable sources that Jimmy Stewart once stole a ceremonial yeti hand from a monastery in Tibet. But then we thought about it, and decided that this is too weird to not be true.

Therefore, it is true.

Dan.

PS. We actually did hear this. More details as we investigate, or make something up.

Dan and Vince in the Robotic Video Age

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 17:00:00 +0000

It was only a matter of time, and to be honest we probably should have jumped on this bandwagon a long time ago, but here's our first entry from the land of xtranormal text-to-speech videos. Ifyou were wondering how to become a successful screenwriter, this is our take. Feel free to send this to the attention of Deadline Hollywood Daily (www.deadline.com) as well, since that would be so friggin meta. Ooooh, meta...

Surreal Blog ... the blog that may or may not exist

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 21:42:00 +0000

Uh-huh. This blog. Yep.

Vince out.

We're Still Here, Too: Surrealists Predict Joaquin's Performance Art

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 16:30:00 +0000

I really hate to blow our own horn like this, but since nobody else has done it for us, I have to point out that we predicted that this whole "I'm Sill Here" event was fake not before the movie came out, not before Magnolia pictures acquired it for distribution, not even before it was announced that Casey Affleck was directing a documentary about Joaquin's career change, not even before Joaquin went on Letterman, but even before Joaquin sent the world the message "Bye! Good" written on his knuckles. That's right, we had the scoop on this story the very day Joaquin announced he was quitting acting -- a full two years ago.

Blam. Dan & Vince = 1, Joaqanery = 0 (that's a hybridization of "Joaquin" and "chicanery," for the uninitiated).

Here are some highlights of our extensive coverage of the Joaquano ("Joaquin" and "tornado"):

Oct. 30, 2008:

"Apparently Joaquin Phoenix has quit acting...there is something weird afoot. Why is that camera following Joaquin down the red carpet? Is this some sort of Andy Kaufman-esque prank? Maybe Phoenix is making some sort of Borat-ish Hollywood satire."

Nov. 19, 2008:

"Earlier we wrote about Joaquin Phoenix quitting acting, or more likely staging some sort of weird surrealist piece of performance art, the details of which have yet to be revealed...Anyway, this whole thing is weird to me, and I'm a weird dude. I'm also easily duped, but not by this."

Nov. 24, 2008:

"A reader...responded to our last post about Joaquin Phoenix, Surrealist? with this interesting tidbit about Joaquin showing up at a club to debut his music career- his music of choice is rap, by the way. Casey Affleck was once again on hand, videotaping the action for a documentary about Joaquin's music career. Damn it this is getting exciting!"

That's right, Dan & Vince, it is getting exciting. But not as exciting as it's about to get:

Jan. 09, 2009:

"We've been following whatever-the-hell is going on Joaquin Phoenix, our theory is some sort of movie... so we figure we'd post this picture of the weird hair he was sporting at a party (w/ Casey Affleck- that part might be important)."

Jan. 21, 2009:

"There's almost too much Joaquin news for us to keep up with. First it was revealed that P. Diddy was producing his album. Then, we found out Casey Affleck revealed he's making a 'documentary' about Joaquin's 'non-fictional' career change from acting to rapping. Then Joaquin gave the performance you see above where he groans like Master P before falling off the stage...Whatever- listen, at this point I sort of think everyone's on to the fact that this is all some sort of movie or over-zealous viral marketing for something or something..."

Oh, not everybody. Not yet. That wouldn't come until mid-September 2010, after the movie was out and Casey finally spilled the beans. But before that...

Feb. 11, 2009:

"Joaquin on Letterman Tonight. Maybe Dave will get to the bottom of some of this foolishness. Or it will become even more bizarre. Either way, it will surely be an interesting chapter in this on-going saga."

At which point we got bored of the whole thing, and after some posts chronicling David Letterman's history of utterly bizarre guest appearances, we posted this and let the whole thing drop:

Mar. 13, 2009:

"Joaquzzzz.... Hey look! Yawn. Joaquin did something...Listen, dude, I know we were real supportive of this at first, but this really better be the third act of your movie because I think we're all a little sick of it."

So now all the details are out. Casey Affleck fessed up in an all-night LA diner, admitted there were multiple takes, Joaquin shaved, showed up at a film festival in a speed boat, and is looking for acting work again, and everybody's saying "Oh, we knew it was a joax ("Joaquin" and "hoax") from the start." Ok, but where's your proof?

Here's ours.

(That's not actually Joaquin...it's the real Johnny Cash)

You can click on the "Joaquin Phoenix" tag below to see the full archive of our Joaquin-related ("Joaquinated"?...no, that would be too much) posts.

There's a lot of ire, and a lot of talk of movie jail, being directed at Affleck and Joaquin right now, and sure, we may have figured it out two years ago (take that, Entertainment Weekly), but these guys managed to make a prolonged piece of performance art in full view of the public, get it released by a legitimate distributor in movie theaters around the country, and fool numerous critics, media types, and viewers into believing it was real.

Andy Warhol never did that. I'm just saying.

Vince out.

A Surrealist's Perspective: Why INCEPTION Sucks

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 18:22:00 +0000

Ok, blah blah blah INCEPTION...what's the deal with the spinning...whatever...but wait, wasn't Mombassa a lot like...never mind...and how come the kids...shut up.

Here's why INCEPTION is complete and utter garbage: It's a movie about dreams, right? Right. So here's my question -- WHERE'S THE SURREALISM?

There's a lot of slow-motion, which you could maybe say evokes the dream state kind of because whenever I need to punch somebody in my dreams for whatever reason I can only punch very, very slowly, but that just may be me. And sure, Ellen Page turns Paris upside down, but that's for like a second. And then she does some crap with a big mirror, but then that's over, too, and suddenly she's being stabbed in the stomach, which I guess teaches her to not do anything Surreal in dreamland.

They're supposed to not do anything weird in the dream, so as not to attract attention to themselves. But my question is -- in a dream -- in a real dream, not this Hollywood digi-FX mockery -- by not doing anything weird, wouldn't you be the only one actually behaving normally, and wouldn't you therefore attract attention to yourself? Take this last Saturday night -- I had a dream that me and Dan went to Vegas, and he was out shopping with Angelina Jolie and Natalie Portman, and the three of them were given several thousands of dollars worth of free merchandise at this one store. I was gambling in a casino built on the tiers of this giant fountain with escalators that used the falling water of the fountain as their frames, and I mentioned this free merch to someone, who told me it was really a scam designed to set up easy marks for a prominent ring of Vegas thieves, because the expectation was that beautiful people were more gullible. Beautiful people like Angelina Jolie, Natalie Portman, and Dan.

None of this makes any sense, right? Right. Because IT WAS A DREAM. Does INCEPTION make sense? Yes. Maybe it's a little confusing in parts, but it makes sense. Where are the waterfall escalators? Where is Martin Scorcesse in a Van Gogh? And where is Tom Waits as the Devil?

Take that, Chris Nolan.

But, apart from that, I thought the rest of the movie -- you know, the acting, the plot, the storytelling, the Marion Cotillard, that stuff -- was really good. Like, really, really good. And the thing was totally going to fall. You know what I'm talking about.

Totally going to fall.

Vince out.

New Andrew WK Video

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 16:17:00 +0000

As we've said before, we like everything about Andrew W.K. except his music. Which is kind of a shame. But this new video is really cool (it's directed by Peter Glantz, who directed the Lightning Bolt documentary The Power of Salad) and even we have to admit the song is really catchy.

Dan

Marion Cotillard

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 19:00:00 +0000

It's pretty hard to not have a crush on Marion Cotillard. She's pretty. Sure. Sure. But she's also a good actress. Like real good. And if that wasn't enough- did you know she is in, what Vanity Fair describes as, an Expressionist-Surrealist band?

On playing in the Expressionist-Surrealist band Yodelice fronted by composer Mazim Nucci:
"I play the bass guitar, keyboard, and tambourine--I'm their one-woman band and all-purpose maid," Cotillard explains. She's taken to appearing with Yodelice on tour, dressed as a man, under "Simone," the name of her maternal grandmother. "It's pretty refreshing to be in a situation where the spotlight is on someone else."

Now, you can check out the band on their MySpace page (is this 2004? Did France not get the memo re:Facebook?)- and you might think "this is just some interesting singer-songwriter stuff- I don't get the surrealist angle" to which I would respond "YOU SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH! DON'T YOU EVER- E!V!E!R!- SAY ANYTHING THAT IN ANY WAY CONTRADICTS SOMETHING THE LOVELY SURREALIST MS. COTILLARD SAYS OR EVEN IMPLIES! EVER!" "My issue was really more with Vanity Fair's descript-" "I WILL PUNCH YOU- IN THE FACE- WITH MY HAND!"

Also, she did something with some other band... um, but with singing... What band was it? The Arctic Monkeys- or The Killers- one of those bands I don't really care about... Coldplay? Are Coldplay still together? I don't know. What do I look like? Pitchfork?

Dan

Fart Potato

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 23:43:00 +0000

Fart Potato, everybody. (NSFW Language)

You're probably all "you guys haven't blogged in forever- then you randomly post some video you made called 'fart potato' with no explanation?"

To which I reply, "we didn't make this video, we had nothing to do with it, we're just sharing it- that's important for you to know, we did not make this."

Dan

Most Boring Webcam Ever?

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Wed, 05 May 2010 18:29:00 +0000

The Hollywood Sign now has its own webcam. Since physical access to the sign is restricted, probably nobody's going to show up on the feed. And since the weather is pretty much constant this time of year in sunny, smoggy Los Angeles, probably not much is going to take place in the little bit of blue area around the sign in the feed. And since they don't really light the sign up at night anymore for fear of terrorist attacks, we're told, I'm guessing about 10 hours a day of this site will just be black.

I'm really hoping that this is a dupe, and that instead of an actual live webcam, the webmaster at www.hollywoodsign.org has simply put up a still picture of the sign, and then at night just puts up a black square. That would be pretty Surreal. Although, there is a lot of Surrealism-merit in putting a live webcam on an inanimate object no one can physically access, and which therefore offers no possibility of anything interesting happening on the webcam feed. Ever.

We're taking comments. What's more Surreal: Live webcam of something inherently boring, or faked live webcam (read: still picture) of something inherently boring?

Vince out.

Get Surrealism on Sesame Street

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 21:54:00 +0000

Watch more cool animation and creative cartoons at Aniboom

Some friends of ours made this surreal cartoon (yes, we do have friends- we met them on a Yahoo Message Board). They used an animation process that involved making figures out of clay, photographing them, and then painting and detailing them in Photoshop... They're currently competing for a spot on Sesame Street, which we really support since getting surrealism on Sesame Street will help indoctrinate the young and... um, I've said too much already. Anyway, watch it- then if you like it vote for it and send it to your friends.

Also, I'll get to back to blogging regularly at some point in the near future, but until then- hey! Look at that!

Dan

Surreal Medical Instructions

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 16:19:00 +0000

I have bronchitis, which sucks, but it will all be worth it if our readers share the same appreciation for these completely insane instructions I just got for this new inhaler. There has been a lot of digital ink spilled about Engrish instructions, so I won't go into that. But illustrated, language-independent instructions are catching on, and there are some basic insanities sewn into the fabric of those, too.

I got a medicated inhaler, which I guess is what asthmatic people have, but I'm supposed to spray it into this bottle and then breathe from the bottle. These are the instructions I received for the contraption, and my interpretation for each of the illustrated steps.

Step 1: Remove caps from bottle and inhaler.
Step 2: Insert bottle into eyeball.
Step 3: Attempt to detonate bottle. (I have no idea, though. This one's a mystery).
Step 4: Breathe from bottle. Do not listen to music.

Ok, I feel like ass, so it won't REALLY all be worth it if you guys appreciate this health care industry Surrealism, but we've got this blog, and I can't keep putting angry beavers on it.

Vince out.

In Honor of Akira Kurosawa's 100th B-Day

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 22:59:00 +0000

A thought concerning the greatness of Akira Kurosawa, on the occasion of what would have been his 100th birthday:

If the films of Ingmar Bergman, Alfred Hitchcock, Francois Truffaut, and the films of Akira Kurosawa mud-wrestled -- with the films of Jean-Luc Godard standing just outside the ring, poking everybody with a stick -- Kurosawa's would win, and win so inspiringly, that Hollywood would remake the mudwrestling match with A-list actors.

Thank you.

Duluth Trading Company

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 18:27:00 +0000

Now, we hate commercials as much as the next guy, and since Sunday was the Super Bowl of Commercials, we decided to highlight actual, worthy commercials. We've been looking since last Tuesday, and couldn't find any.

Then suddenly we did. They were all made by the Duluth Trading Company.

They sell pants and things.

Vince out.

Oprah Arrested in FedEx Anthrax Plot

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 22:47:00 +0000

The Atlantic, one of the nation's most prominent magazines, reports that Oprah Winfrey has been arrested for her involvement in a plot involving sending anthrax via FedEx. The magazine reports that Martha Lewis, a 57-year-old retired nurse, ironically received an innocent-looking FedEx envelope from Oprah while watching the mega-star's television show, and things apparently just totally went to hell from there.

This is a shocking development. No word yet on what this will mean for Oprah's Discovery Communications OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) plans.

You can read more here.

Vince out.

Site Update!

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 19:00:00 +0000

1. We haven't blogged much here. But we are still alive! In addition we are still being us, and, in case you've forgotten, we are art, ergo we are still making art by just living. So we're still around and we're still working, and most importantly, not dead. We're just not blogging all that much. However, this site remains the go-to-place for D'n'V related news, so check in regularly to see what we're up to, or follow us on Google Reader or- hey- TWITTER!

2. Here are some videos of us doing our art (one at the top, one below this paragraph). They're not new. In fact they're old. But they're art. And we're still doing this stuff, we're just not videotaping it- because Vince had to hock his DV camera after the "mall fountain" incident of 2007. Malls don't like art. Apparently.

3. I'm also going to go ahead and kill off our Twit-formance piece @fakecelebrity. I think it's run its course. I may change my mind, but right now I'm thinking this is best. We've barely been able to keep up this blog and the @danandvince Twitter account so another one was just too damn much. Good-bye old friend.

Talk soon?

Dan

2 New Movies!

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 17:40:00 +0000

We, Dan and Vince, HAVE been doing stuff. Like what? Uh, how about making movies. And since we just made them today, neither was eligible for an Oscar- at least not this year.

One is up there, the other one is right here.

These are from Vimeo. If you're on Vimeo, you should become our friend or however it works. We've also got YouTube versions of the clips here and here.

Watch all of them 1 million times!

Dan

Just ot Clarify...

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 19:25:00 +0000

We decided to take a break from our current non-blogging to show where our allegiance lies in the whole NBC-Late Night-Tonigh Show-Conan-Leno thing. It shouldn't be a surprise...

Also, Jimmy Kimmel did his entire show as Jay Leno last night. That's the sort of thing that we should appreciate, and we do. Here's a link to some of it.

Dan

Albums of the Decade

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 19:25:00 +0000

We just found out the decade is coming to an end. Dan and I wouldn't have even known, except Amanda Palmer tweeted that her record (That's right...I still say "record") was named to a best albums of the decade list. I totally agree, and not just because Amanda Palmer haunts my dreams. My sleeping dreams. Not my waking "I-am-a-practicing-Surrealist-and-therefore-all-I-undertake-assumes-a-certain-dreamlike-aspect" dreams. That would mean she were actually present somehow in my life. Which was briefly true when I went to see her at the Troubadour here in LA. She wore this pink kind of top-thing and...

Sorry. I'm back.

Ok, so "Who Killed Amanda Palmer" was on this list of the decade's best albums. But the other albums on there were like Jay Z & Linkin Park, Justin Timberlake, Panic at the Disco, and I was like "Damn, dude. I could make a better top-ten list than that." And then after like three days, Dan was like "Oh crap, we have a blog." That was about ten minutes ago, so here I am.

Best Albums of the Decade (in no order):
1. Unearthed by Johnny Cash
Every disc in this 5-disc collection could stand on its own just as ably as any of his American releases. And you may be like "Johnny Cash, I though you were Surrealists?" to which I respond: The biggest hit country music legend Johnny Cash had in the last decade of his career was a Nine Inch Nails song.

2. Who Killed Amanda Palmer by Amanda Palmer
The Dresden Dolls put out two amazing albums before Amanda Palmer wandered out on her own. I thought "I guess I'll buy it, but that drummer in The Dresden Dolls is really good..." Now I don't even remember his name, that's how good her solo record is. Plus, lots of Velvet Underground references, and that never hurts.

3. Blood Money by Tom Waits
Maybe I should like Alice more, since Alice in Wonderland is one of those pre-Surrealism Surrealist landmarks, but I don't. I like this one more. And I even like it more than Orphans, though that and it's entire disk of weird spoken word jokes and readings and ramblings runs a close second.

4. Only Just Beginning by Jason Webley
He has Surrealer albums, and more diverse albums, and more ambitious albums, but none more beautiful. Everyone should buy this album.

5. Hidden Hands of a Sadist Nation by Darkest Hour
Their next album, Undoing Ruin, was proclaimed the metal album of the decade even before it came out, but Undoing Ruin and later albums introduced the kind of vocals that all those whiny emo kids now fronting metal bands use. Listen, if I want to hear somebody sing, I'll listen to somebody else on this list (especially #6). If I want to listen to metal, I want Tomas Lindberg, formerly of At the Gates, yelling at me during the first track. Hidden Hands... it is.

6. The Reminder by Feist
She went on the Stephen Colbert show and dressed him up in that little blue dress she wore in the iPod commercial. That alone would merit inclusion on this list. But there's also the amazing album she put out, too, which, inexplicably changes the name of the Nina Simone standard "See-Line Woman" to "Sealion," which is kinda fun and also kinda a head-scratcher.

7. The Dust of Retreat by Margot and the Nuclear So-and-Sos
I wanted to not like this album, because they seem kind of whiny, too (see distaste for, referenced in #5, above), but instead it wound up on my albums of the decade list. I know they prefer their follow-up Animal!, and I'll pop in either Animal! or Not Animal from time to time too, but The Dust of Retreat has a timeless haunted quaility tied up in it's extravagently orchestrated indie pop songs that their later releases don't quite reach.

8. O Brother Where Art Thou Soundtrack
No secret that we like the Coen Brothers, but I can't say I'd ever given rootsy folk music a real hearing before this album. This single release did more for American roots music than any event since the Civil War.

9. In Rainbows by Radiohead
I was tempted to put this on the list just because of their distribution model (and their subsequent tight-lipped stance as to the results of the model), but that wouldn't be fair. As much as I enjoy Radiohead's odd digitial wanderings in the desert, this was the most cohesive release of theirs since OK Computer, and earns it's inclusion on this list and several others by its own merits, and not just for the social-industrial deconstructionalist dialogues it launched.

10. The Milk-Eyed Mender by Joanna Newsom
Still don't know what the title means, still don't care. No record in history has ever made me wish so desperately to know a harpist. Her follow-up Ys was more lush, more ambitious, and more epic, with track times running in double-digit minutes, but somehow Joanna Newsom putting her odd Applachia vocals and harp-and-harpsichord musical stamp on traditional song structures felt the more daring of the two things. Lots of people we know also leave the room when I put it on, which makes me a little sad, but also strokes my Surrealer-than-thou self-image.

That's it. Many of you may be disappointed that this list is in many ways so conventional (What?!? No Merzbox?!? you may be asking), but Dan can make his own list if he wants to and shut up about mine, already.

Vince out.

Where Have We Seen This Before?

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:19:00 +0000

Hey look! It's Beyonce's new video... It starts off with a Reservoir Dogs homage- and I use homage in the way Reservoir Dogs director Quentin Tarantino uses it- meaning they just ripped it off. (So is it actually a City of Fire reference?)

THEN, we get a glitchy shot of several Beyonces while she sings about being video taped- wait, I feel like I've seen this before... where have I seen this before?

Oh right! In our video for Mariah Carey's 'Touch my Body'!

Are we saying Beyonce ripped us off? No. Skip to 2:25 in the Beyonce video...

(Shakes fist at the sky) GAGA!

Why are you doing this to us? Everyone already give you all the surrealing points (like air-miles, but for surrealing) then you have to just start cold-clockery STEALING from us. We have nothing? Why are you doing this to us?

This is war or WaWa.

Dan

Hey! Look! Lady Gaga!

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:00:00 +0000

As we've said before, we're bored by Lady Gaga- however, people have chosen to ignore us as surrealist tastemakers and continue to refer to her as surreal. Whatever. Here's her new video. I can't say anything else about it, because I haven't watched it. But I'm posting it, because she's surreal right? At least according to you, and you would know right?

Great. Whatever. Hope you're happy.

Dan

Not Dead!

noreply@blogger.com (Dan and Vince) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:47:00 +0000

Just to clarify. We are not dead. We (Dan and Vince) are still around, still working at Starbucks, and still very much surreal.

Sorry for the lack of blogging, but we've been working on something big- you'll see it soon.

Dan

Hey Vince
I just typed a blog saying sorry we hadn't been blogging because we were working on a big art project
hahaha
that should keep people happy
now we just need to come up with something we could say we've been working on
since, actually, we haven't been working on anything.
Vince?
Hello?
Oh crap.
This isn't IM is it?
This is blogspot?
Meaning I'm typing all of this into a blog and not into IM?
Crap.