Money, Life, and Student Debt

Enjoy!

Dan

California Vacation- April 2011 Short Teaser

California Vacation- April 2011 Full Length

 

Arguments and Conflict

Matthew 18:15-18

¹⁵ “If your brother or sister^[a] sins,^[b] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. ¹⁶ But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’^{[c] 17} If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

Minnesota and Pennsylvania have very different communication styles. In PA people are a little more brash (at least on the eastern side of the state) and speak their mind more easily. The level of sarcasm is higher and there can be a  “get out of my way” type of attitude (again, these things are based on my experiences and 24 years of living on the eastern side of the state and do not represent ALL Pennsylvanians). Since moving to MN I have noticed the following things about Midwestern style communication. We have this thing called “Minnesota Nice” which typically means people who live in MN act kindly and cordially with those around them even if they don’t like them. The pace of life is a little slower so the “get out of my way” attitude isn’t as prevalent.

While neither communication is horrible and neither is perfect I do have somethings to point out about each. PA communication requires you to be tough and ready to defend yourself. MN communication requires you to be tactful and careful about what you say. The ability to tactfully challenge someone in in while making it clear and obvious where you stand on an issue is something most Christians struggle with. Typically we spread our gossip around with other people and never actually approach the person we have a conflict with.

According to the book of Matthew Christians are called to confront and challenge our fellow brothers and sisters when they are in sin. If I were from PA that may look very different from how I’d approach it if I lived in MN. Unfortunately it shouldn’t be this way. As Believers we are called to love each other and help spur one another on in Christian love so we can live lives that reflect the glory of Christ. But, how can we do that if we can not accurately and effectively confront conflicts among the members of the Body or even members of our own family.

I know the following steps may sound very simple but I think it is very important to have a game plan for how you will handle conflicts and sin issues as they arise. If you do not have a plan then you will fail every time. You will also need to set up how you intend to implement your plan. If used incorrectly your plan can easily become a hindrance to the healing and forgiving process. Finally, knowing when to personally forgive and move on without needing to confront someone will be key to your relational health and to the health of the Body. Not every situation requires a 1:1 meeting or a group confrontation.

Step #1

According to our Matthew 18 passage your first step in creating a conflict resolution plan is to meet with the believer you have a problem with 1:1. Before this meeting every occurs you need to completely bath all your thoughts and feelings in prayer. Typically the best time to meet with someone is not right after the incident occurs, but rather, wait a day or two so your emotions and feelings can settle down. During the waiting period pray about your role in the problem, humbly seek God’s Word for wisdom and guidance as you prepare for your 1:1 meeting. REMEMBER this is not a time for you to go spout your problem to friends and family. If you have a mentor or accountability partner you can talk with them about it but I would recommend it is only done with an attitude of humility. Your goal is not to bring the other person down but to honestly evaluate your part in the problem and how you personally can seek forgiveness for your role.

Approach the person you need to meet with and tell them you would like to sit down 1:1 and discuss what ever the sin issue is between the two of you. If they refuse to meet with you and turn  away from you than you need to decide what to do next. Option #1: Leave them along and work on your end of the forgiveness process without them. This option is not sound Biblically because there is a second step given in Matthew 18. Option #2: Pray for them and begin to document and prepare a small group of people to meet with the person. Remember, don’t hold it against them, don’t bring it up all the time, rather, demonstrate God’s love to them by befriending them and illustrating Christian love. Again, don’t go around spreading the “news” with other people. This is still between God, you, and the other person as you start gathering people together as group to approach them.

Step #2

Lets assume your 1:1 meeting went well and you were able to restore your relationship with the other person. That is great because you have been able to accurately and effectively handle a conflict with another believer in a manner that brings honor and glory to God because it was done in a Biblical fashion. At this point you should not bring the issue up again or harbor any grudges against them because you have both asked for and received forgiveness for your part in the sinful conflict.

But, since we live in a real world with real people who can act and remain stubborn in their sin, lets talk about the next step in the process if things don’t go well.

If your first 1:1 meeting has not resulted in any measurable changes from the other believer then you need to plan out how you are going to re-approach the sin issue with a few other solid believers who have witnessed or are aware of what is going on. This is NOT an interrogation team! Rather, this is a group of concerned believers who are willing to lovingly approach someone else about a sin issue that is effecting others in the body (it could also be effecting them personally). Your group needs to cover everything in prayer because this is a lot harder to accomplish than a 1:1 meeting. Typically we get very defensive and harsh when backed into a corner, especially if we are confronted by a group of people.

Certain parameters need to be set in place before the meeting occurs. #1 This meeting is going to be conducted according to the Biblical principals set forth in Matt. 18 and Col. 3 as well as other passages where believers are instructed on how to act toward each other. The meeting should start and end with prayer. #2 What is said in the meeting should stay in the meeting if forgiveness and restoration occur. There is no reason to “share” what was said or done in the meeting with others because typically the rational for “sharing” with others is more selfish or based on gossip than on lifting up the name of Christ. #3 The purpose of the meeting is to lovingly address an issue that several people believe is negatively effecting the body of believers. It is not about pinning someone against the wall and everyone taking their best shot at them until the “sinner” finally confesses and repents. If any of these parameters are not met your group meeting can quickly fall apart and cause damage to your relationships and stunt the healing process.

The sin issue needs to be called what it is, not given a dainty, cute, or socially acceptable name. Committing adultery is not “messing around”, a pornography addiction isn’t just “a struggle with your TV or computer”, and controlling your speech is not “the way I’ve always been”. They are all sins and need to be addressed as such. Each one can be a struggle but to address them as struggles and never name them for what they are is like putting a BandAid on a bullet hole. Call it for what it is and go from there. (That is the PA side of me coming out!)

Avoid the “Minnesota Nice” method by sugar coating the problem when you are addressing the topic. Also, refrain from pretending you are a lawyer from eastern PA and jumping all over the person. Colossians 3:1-17 and 4:6 give us very specific sins to avoid and ways to conduct ourselves. In chapter 4:6 we are to “season our speech with salt” so as you sit down as a group make sure your speech is Biblically sound, full of truth, and “seasoned with salt.”

Each side should have a chance to speak what they feel is the truth while the other side respectfully sits and listens. After each side as taken their turn everyone should turn to the Scriptures that point out the sin you are dealing with. If you are able to come to a joint conclusion and resolution on what needs to be done moving forward with the sin issue then you have “won them over” (vs. 15) and you should each pursue forgiveness from each other. We are commanded to forgive each other just as Christ as forgiven us (Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6). This is a command, not a suggestion. We are to forgive the same way God has forgiven us.

RESOURCES:

Conflict Resolution- GREAT Info!

Conflict Resolution Guide

Two Principles For Resolving Conflict

Part #2 will address how to move on in forgiveness and restoration if the believer chooses not to repent from their sin(s).

A few weeks ago I got back from Haiti and I can say without any hesitation that I would go back in a second if the opportunity came up again. I was challenged, stretched, broken, strengthened, encouraged, and smacked right in the face with my materialism, pride, and selfishness. Many of you followed us on Facebook at the Alexandria Youth Haiti Trip group and your prayers were definitely felt.

I think we have all heard someone say “Thank you for your prayers. They helped me a lot” and thought to yourself “Do my prayers really do anything?” I have wondered that many times. During my trip to Haiti I realized why that thought comes to my mind. It is because I don’t pray with expectation or for specific things given to me by the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

Several times on our trip we had times called “ATL” (Ask The Lord) where we would pray for people in our group or for ourselves and ask God to reveal what to pray for that person. We didn’t ask them “What can I pray about for you?”, instead we started praying and asked God to reveal what to pray for that person. It is amazing what happens when we ask our Father for the right words to pray. We know that the Spirit intercedes for us when we don’t know what to say or how to say it, but do we ever give the Spirit an opportunity to actually do that? Typically I make sure I know what I’m going to say before starting to pray for someone. I don’t want to look bad or stumble around with my words. But is that what prayer is all about? At its core, is it about speaking clearly and knowing what to say? I used to think that way but now I know differently.

When I pray it is to an Almighty Creator who has made everything around me, including me (Act. 17). When I go before God’s throne and enter His presence in prayer for someone else I believe God already knows what is going on in that persons life. If I truly believe that then why shouldn’t I ask God to show me what to pray for that person. Is it easy? No. Is it kind of scary to take that step of faith? Yes. It is especially scary if you don’t know what the voice of God sounds like. If you don’t know your Shepherds voice then you won’t know what He’s saying. We can either hear God’s voice, our own voice distracting us, the world’s voice, or Satan’s distracting voice. There are options and deciphering which voice we’re hearing is a learned skill through discipline in God’s Word and in His presence. It takes a heart that is willing to be humble and open to His voice to be able to actually hear His voice. Ps. 46:10 says “Be still and know that I am God.” That’s not a suggestion, it’s a command. Quietness is essential to hearing the voice of God. Silence is a part of prayer. I don’t always have to be saying something to be praying.

Here is my challenge for you. Take some time today to ATL what He wants you to do with the rest of your day. As a Christian it is so easy to say we trust and follow God but are we willing to actually put that into practice and ask Him to lead us today? Go ahead and try it and I guarantee you will be blessed and encouraged more than you can ever imagine. In 2 Kings 4:1-7 God blesses a widow beyond her wildest dreams by not only giving her enough oil to sell and pay off her debts but enough to sell it and live off the profit!!! When we come to God with an open heart and truly seek His face He will meet us where we are and answer our prayers. The answer may not always be “Yes” but He will answer us. Try it and see what He does today!

Below is a link for some pictures from my Haiti trip. If you are on Facebook you can check out more videos and pics there too.

Haiti Pictures

The purpose of the trip is to follow through with many of the promises and aid sent to Haiti. Adventures In Missions is an organization that has had a presence in Haiti for many years and is committed to ministering to people where they are- on the streets and in their homes- which creates a very unique opportunity in Haiti at the moment. Over the past few months millions of dollars worth of supplies have been sent to Haiti through AIM and those supplies need to be distributed and given to the Haitian people. One of our main objectives on this trip is to deliver these supplies to communities in need and use it as an opportunity to share the Gospel of Christ with those we meet. We will also be building shelters for families to use while their homes and lives are slowly rebuilt. There are a number of reports coming out of Haiti right now that tell of a great revival sweeping through the hearts of the Haitian people. We intend to be full participants in that revival effort by intentionally being sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit when it comes to talking to, praying for, and serving the needs of everyone we come in contact with.

I know many of you supported me when I worked at TreeHouse and I really appreciated your financial and prayer support during the two years I worked there. I am in the process of raising the needed funds to go on this trip. The plane ticket, lodging, and passport costs have already been made so I am asking you to pray and see if God is leading you to support me on my trip to Haiti in a few weeks. I need to raise a total of  $1,249. If this is something you want to do please contact me at dan@schmoyer.net and I’ll give you a few different options for sending support. I have included a breakdown of the funding I need below for you to see and pray about.

I am very excited about the trip and also curious to see how God uses the experiences and challenges from this trip to grow me and make me more like Him. If you have any questions or want to discuss it further please call or email me and I will do my best to answer any questions you may have. We also have a Haiti Mission Trip Facebook group started for people to join so they can know how to pray for us while we’re preparing for the trip as well as how to pray for us while we’re on the trip. To join the group CLICK HERE and add yourself to the group.

Amount of funding total for trip:

Adventures In Missions (place to sleep, meals, group leader/translator) $390

Plane tickets with hotel stay in Miami during layovers $648

Passport documentation $211

TOTAL: $1249

Resources and Information:

Adventures In Missions Website

Tim’s Website with some videos and info: Life In Student Ministry

Again, if you want more information or would like to know how to send financial support please email me at dan@schmoyer.net.

Ruby Swimming

Ruby Swimming #2

Dan

“You don’t need to know how, just Who.”

I think it is easy to forget who is the One that controls my life. I try my best, in my own strength, to order my day, schedule my daily and weekly activities and responsibilities in an attempt to show that I have control over my life. In reality I am trying to do my best impression of “God”. For those of us who have attempted that and been aware enough to honestly look at the results we have seen how utterly short we fall in our desire to control our life. I have also been running the verse from Acts 17 in my head where Paul says “In Him we live and move and have our own being.”  To think that I wouldn’t even exist apart from the presence and Person of God is a humbling thought. I am not even dust on the ground apart from Him. When I think about the potential rough spots in my life that may be coming it gives me great perspective to know that I don’t need to know all the answers (why do we always think we need answers from God anyway?) of how He is going to show His power and grace, I just need to continue to rest in who He is, knowing that apart from Him I’m not even here. “You don’t need to know how, just Who.” Powerful statement and something I would encourage you to mull over in your head with whatever scripture verses the Holy Spirit bring to your mind as you spend time with Him each day.

This past year has been crazy with school, internships, and working part time as a counselor at a local charter school. We are all glad this process is finally over. We are also excited to see where God leads as I start working in a setting I hadn’t exactly anticipated when I left TreeHouse. I guess that’s why I’m not the one who makes the decisions for how my life goes

Thank you all for your prayers, thoughts, and encouragement over the past year and specifically the past few months. Make sure you check back here for updates and more information on work, family, and where God is leading our family.

Maggie is doing well. She is due with Baby #3 around Christmas time. We have named him Eli (yes, we know it’s a boy!!!) and are still deliberating about the middle name.

At the moment that is all that is going on around our house. We’ll try to keep you up to date more often. Enjoy your weekend!!

Click on the picture to see more!

Dan

Click here for the Grief and Loss Video