Yes, the P-word has a lot of emotion attached to it.

The P-word is <shudder> ‘Professional’.

Well, I figured that one reasonable marker was that once I’d been paid to work in dance then I could use it.  Except I’ve been paid to teach a number of times before now and I still didn’t feel I could use it.

I got as far as semi-professional, or even part-time-professional (I know, I’m totally making these up – that’s what crazy does to you), but mostly not out loud to other people, just as a label for myself in my head.

Note to self: labels are not that useful unless being used to provide simplified ways for people to understand something quickly.  In your head they just mess you up!

The good news

Cause I like to try and end my posts on an uplifting note, if only for my own sanity.

I recently had the privilege to work with a group of students of varied ages and dance experience.  For two sessions of 3 hours.  I don’t remember being happier, and there was a big part of the final ‘click’ that started to break open the mess around the P-word.  Note I said “started”, I’m still calling the P-word after all.

At the end of the first session I realised I had hit what I termed the ‘holy triumvirate’ of career path hunting:

• I liked it
• I was good at it
• Someone was willing to pay me to do it

The first one was easy to spot – I was bouncing around the place, chattering my head off or simply dancing around in the space enjoying moving.

The second one came later when I realised that I had real ideas and experiences to share when asked questions or facing problems.  I’m rarely lost for something to say, but to actually feel I had something meaningful and valuable to offer – now that felt good!

The final one was the simplest one.  I was there as an invited guest artist, they were offering me money to be there.  I’d have totally done it for free too, but I ended up walking away with a cheque in my hand and big ass grin on my face.

Frankly, when I had this realisation (right about the time I read this awesome Ittybiz post) I was actually a little disappointed not to hear angels singing and blinding lights – but that’s what a childhood spent in places like Sunday school will do to your expectations.

And next?

Ah yes, my brain’s immediate and wholly annoying questioning of where this is going to lead.

Well, I don’t know.  That’s been one of my big lessons this year.  And I’m still working on being ok with that.  In the meantime, I try and taper the heart-exploding panic of not having my life mapped out for the next 20 years with the reminder that 1) having it mapped out would cause me to die of boredom, and 2) I’m actually making progress here.

Want to see more? Try one of these posts:

• Having a good time
• Webcomics
• Going where I know…

The piece consists of four male dancers and a double bass player.  Whilst the guys are doing their thing on stage, the musician is playing, recording and mixing loops of his music, percussion and other clever tricks real time – an absolute treat for the audience (and probably the dancers too).

The dancing itself was mostly gorgeous to watch, and pretty full on for the whole hour.  Cue sweat patterns – all part of being a male dancer though, at least we don’t have to pretend that we don’t sweat.  There were the odd times when the unison wasn’t together, I caught a couple of moments where someone stopped to wait for the others to catch up and so on, but my Dad never saw any of that so maybe I’m being too picky.

The lifts were great fun, and even managed to perplex me as to how it was done on a couple – wonderful and frustrating at the same time.  The duets in general were excellent fun to watch and you could see the smiles on the dancers’ faces.  They even admitted afterwards that part of that was having to egg each other to keep going as energy levels started to flag.

Having 4 guys dance together was brilliant for me, as I got to see the differences between them and how, whilst I might not have the facility of one or the strength of another, they each had different limitations and natural abilities that made them unique and I’m no different.  I will admit to being horribly jealous at times, they’re all a few years younger than me, thus managing to make me feel old at 28, but mostly I was inspired and determined to find/create more opportunities to dance.

There’s only a couple of more dates down South to catch this, but it’s worth it – and if you don’t manage to see this one then check out Retina anyway.  They’ve been producing consistently great quality dance for a while now, and being based in the East Midlands it’s a real treat for us to have this based in our region, rather than down in London.

Want to see more? Try one of these posts:

• Sense of Self
• nottdance09 (15-25 October 2009)
• Music & Art Festival

Purposefully obscure, from technical jargon to non-linear plot, it’s a feeding ground for geeks and nerds to compete over who has mastered full understanding of the film.  But don’t worry, if you’re just interested in good film then still check it out, you don’t need to understand all the details to get the drama, and indeed the vague feeling of WTF? the film creates is part of the intention of the director/writer/actor/composer/pretty much everything else guy, Shane Carruth.

Of course, if you do decide you want to pick it apart, there’s plenty of help – including infographics which are one of my favourite things.  An alternative version, which first got the film on my radar, is from one of my favourite webcomics, XKCD.

Another reason to like this film is the fact that it’s free.  You can watch it right now on Google video.  It lasts an hour and a quarter, will make you use your brain, and whilst it isn’t a barrel of laughs type of a film, it’s a more grounded take on how discoveries are made, exploited and then the consequences that follow.  Indeed, trying to work out what’s right or wrong in this context quickly becomes confusing, a worthwhile experience for anyone I think.

Go watch it, don’t worry about the plot too much, and enjoy the experience of being uncertain.

Want to see more? Visit some of the most popular posts:

• Identification, Self expression, Conformity and a rant
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• Turning a lifelong fear into strength

I’ll admit that my reasons were selfish, there were two workshops being run this year: one to share ideas and techniques, the other an artistic process.  Given that both these followed a performance by those running the workshop the evening before I could hardly miss them.

My only criticism of the whole affair would be the difficulty in finding the venues – and I’ve been to them before!  Given that it’s going to be dark at 8pm in October none of the entrances from the roads were lit or any signposts, resulting in being late for one performance and missing another entirely!  May I humbly suggest even just a large canvas sign that marks the turning you need to take off the main road – so that those of us driving over don’t miss out.  Both Lakeside Arts and Sandfield Theatre are so hidden from view, that I never even found the latter.  Of course, next time you can bet that I’ll being doing daytime reckie drives and getting full and complete instructions from friends before heading off (I swear Sandfield Theatre has moved!)

My involvement therefore was limited to the two workshops and their performances the night before.  The first, ‘The Swimmer’ by Rachel Krische, I missed the first half of, but thankfully those of us who were late (a fair sized group in the end) were allowed in to enjoy the second half of her piece.  Whilst the piece is improvised each time, there are strict rules, an improvisation score, and a specific improvisation technique used in this piece and it was these interacting layers that Rachel was able to introduce us to in the workshop.

The workshop itself was a wonderful process.  Rachel’s piece derives from choreography by Deborah Hay, and her teaching on awareness in dance.  The joining of these two areas that I have recently thrown myself into was hugely enjoyable and quite moving.  Seeing how these different layers of movement, awareness, internal questioning, and movement score could all interact and be maintained as a loose whole within the mind of the performer was fascinating and personally very inspiring.  I hope that I will be able to impart some of this in the work that I am doing at the moment with Chaos.

I still find it difficult to explain what the workshop involved, without just writing it out in minute detail, but the end result was dance that invited you to watch it, and without necessarily intending to communicate any great meaning or purpose was still captivating and engrossing to watch.  Sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes playful, sometimes lost, it didn’t restrict itself to one thing but was open and free – the constraints of the score and movement serving to simply provide a frame in which to express oneself creatively.  A throughly enjoyable process to watch and to participate in, I am very glad I was able to experience this from both points of view.

At the same event as Rachel’s performance was a piece by Robert Hylton called ‘I don’t know, what do you think?’  Worth mentioning for his use of voiceover, and a beautiful piece of body-popping to Iranian drumming.  It involved the audience’s direct feedback and interaction, an interesting idea, but one that generally felt like under-rehearsed improvisation (if that doesn’t sound like too much of an oxymoron).  Those parts where he had clearly had time to develop them on his own were highly enjoyable, but the interaction with the audience felt a little awkward – which to be fair is something you can’t rehearse except in performance and this was the piece’s first outing.

The second evening’s performance I went to see was Oblivia’s ‘Entertainment Island 1′.  The first of three performances the group are developing from 2008 to 2010.  This is not an easy piece to watch, it lasts 50 minutes and seeks not to entertain but to show the core of what popular entertainment is.  There is a lot of repetition, but since their movement is not fixed to one meaning this means the audience has plenty of time to allow different interpretations and understandings of what is being shown to arise.  They describe their process as taking an idea that is too big, i.e. popular culture, and then working on it to produce something tangible and performable.  Given my current fascination with the idea of the new Information Age and its impact on global society, the idea of being able to find a route to dance was very appealing, even though my final style would almost certainly differ wildly from that of Oblivia.

Two of the artists ran the workshop the following morning, and with a group of just 4 attendees it was a wonderfully intimate and immediate environment – feedback was almost instant as we passed work between ourselves.  Given that Oblivia is a group of 3-4 artists themselves it was useful to try their practices in such a small group as well.

Oblivia is not a dance group, though movement is important in their performance, and as such the workshop was not dance focussed, but the framework of a process that we worked through is transferable enough for me to be able to take those parts that appealed and apply them to my current piece with Chaos.  Doing Qi Gong as a warm-up was a fun experience, and the size of the group meant that when we started to do creative warm-ups to connect we were already reading each other well after only 30-40 minutes of meeting most of the people in the room!

For me, the most interesting part of the process was the letting go of ownership of ideas by swapping work between the two pairs.  First we swapped ideas, then the development of those ideas and then we performed what we saw straight after creating a natural process of decay of superfluous parts of the performance, and a sifting of only those memes, concepts or ideas that stayed in your head.  Interestingly enough I managed to completely miss out the fact that the phrase I had just seen had started with the declaration “I’m going to kill myself!” – an impactful lesson in what is and isn’t picked up by the viewer.  This process of repeating what you’ve just seen was a wonderful way to explore ideas that are easily repeated, I’m not sure if it would work with dance that involved lifts or partner work, but as always in Chaos, it is by trying to take on each other’s movement that we learn to push outside of our own known comfort zone, and the results of trying to repeat this in a different context will be illuminating whatever the quality of the result.

I learnt a lot from this year’s festival (not least how to find Lakeside Arts in the dark) and I look forward to more of Dance4’s calendar throughout the year.

And another thing…

Another very important aspect of the workshops, and which applies to both of them, was the opportunity to meet some wonderful people.  Knowing that you have a shared interest to start with someone, and going through these engaging learning experiences together is a wonderful way to make new friends and I’m very pleased to have managed to get an email address or two with a view to making more dance happen in the future.  I don’t want to use the N-word, but the opportunity to make new connections and relationships is of massive value for all involved.

Want to see more? Try one of these posts:

• Antipode
• Music & Art Festival
• Sense of Self

Combining this enjoyment with the internet then is a win-win for me, and I have more than a few webcomics in my feed reader.  But it’s not just their entertainment value that I enjoy, it’s also what they represent as a successful example of adapting to the internet as a new medium.

Some webcomic artists are people that like simply to draw for fun in their spare time, some more regularly posting that others, some higher quality finish than others, but all enjoyable as examples of a passion shared.  When the subject material itself is also a passion, as in Rich Morris’ series ‘The 10 Doctors‘, the community that builds up around it provides as much, if not more, of the enjoyment than the comic itself – which personally I’m loving to pieces.

Community however, is not limited to fanfic.  Many artists who create unique material will also have a forum such as XKCD and Questionable Content.  These provide valuable feedback for the artist, a place for informal artwork and out-of-story imagery, as well as providing a way for people to connect with each other and create a Godin-tribe.

It is this tribe that then supports the successful artists, and enables webcomics to provide income to artists without resorting to the alienating practices of selling advertising space or indeed charging for their work.  This is where the real demonstration of a working internet model occurs.  The creator provides regular, quality content and in return fans not only will pay money, but demand to be able to do so.

Requests for merchandise often come from the fans who want a t-shirt or poster with a particular piece of artwork on it (yes, artwork).  The creation of a tribe means that clothing that will allow others in the tribe to recognise each other offline is desirable to promote the exclusivity and branding of the tribe we know so well in mainstream fashion today.

As well as the demand for memorabilia is the demand for experiences, comic conventions are an obvious place for webcomic artists.  Fans want to meet the artist, ask them questions, get a signed book of their work, and simply meet other fans.  Providing an offline, real world version of the online forum allows the best of both worlds.  The ongoing benefits of internet connectivity and presence, with the enjoyment of realtime, in-person interaction to solidify and augment relationships.

All of the money given by fans is for extra services that revolve around the main product, all is considered of value and yet none of it could happen with the sense of community that is built around a free product online.  It is this that excites me – the creative material is shared with anyone and everyone around the world, and supported by those who wish to be part of the community or tribe.  Others are free to access the product, but not the sense of connection that has grown around it.

Both the creative product and the community are valuable in their own right, but by allowing the community to support the work, everyone can benefit from the creative product without restriction (except obviously internet access, which by no means is a given yet).  This free sharing of creative output is something I am very interested in, and having even just one example of it to learn from gives me hope that we may find more open ways of interacting in the future.

If you’re interested, here’s a list of my current webcomic reads (warning – possible NSFW content for some of these):

• The 10 Doctors (finished)
• XKCD
• Questionable Content
• Looking for Group
• Least I Could Do
• Calamities of Nature
• JEFBOT
• Tasty Flesh
• Geek Loves Nerd
• AppleGeeks
• Able and Baker
• The Joy of Tech
• Penny Arcade
• Sinfest
• Girls with Slingshots
• Ctrl+Alt+Del
• Two Lumps

And thanks to the way webcomics link to each other, this list is sure to grow.

Want to see more? Try one of these posts:

• The P-word
• Music & Art Festival
• A pile of yuck I’ve been ignoring

The different venues provided a venue for bands and booze, art, music and coffee, or snacks and relaxing respectively.  Chaos found a home in the latter two locations.

We got to chat with some really nice people at Boo!, try some yummy tea and cakes, and generally relax on big cushions under hanging origami and drapes, whilst listening to some lyrical guitar followed by a violin and digeridoo duet (my personal favourite).  They also have a rather interesting little library of books you can read or borrow which I may well be venturing back to have a look at, if I can face being in Derby city centre.

Big Blue had some great art on the walls, including origami on canvas, painted canvases and cut-out art that made me think of very artistic theatre props.  It was upstairs in the cafe that Chaos actually got to do some dancing.

The space itself was “compact” with sofas round the edges, and the musicians in one corner, so there wasn’t a great deal of room for us – especially after everyone wanting to listen had crammed in.  So we ended up doing duets to allow us to actually move and stretch out our limbs at least a little bit.

The music (performed by Leela and the Spaceship – a possible Futurama reference?) was fantastic to dance to, it was a really enjoyable experience being so close to the audience and musicians, even if it did result in a few bums in faces and not so graceful attempts to avoid mass collision.  I was never sure whether the applause was for us or the musicians, but all in all we seemed well received by everyone in the room – certainly only nice things were said to us afterwards.

We did try again later to perform, but the music was evidently too catchy, or my little solo too enticing, that within a few minutes the floor was full of everyone dancing so we again had a little duet but mostly just enjoyed dancing with everyone to ‘Look Pancake?’.

Given we knew nothing about the space, the music, the audience, the duration or indeed anything really about what we were going to be doing, it was such fun to just turn up and move together in such an accepting environment.  It’s fair to say that not everything worked – the lack of space was a massive restriction, but hopefully our creativity was a match for it most of the time.  Certainly there were lessons I took away about adapting to different spaces.

I wish I had someone to link to about the event, but we were having such fun I didn’t think to find this out at the time.  Still, perhaps there will be more opportunities in the future – I would certainly welcome them!

Want to see more? Try one of these posts:

• Antipode
• nottdance09 (15-25 October 2009)
• Webcomics

This piece was at times strikingly beautiful, the wonderful movement of the dancers playing only one part in this.  The imaginative use of light and dark, the luxurious animal skin rug, and the wonderfully complementary soundtrack, which never demanded your attention be drawn from the performers, but merged into a whole with the rest of the piece, all added their own layer of aesthetic enjoyment.

When the two performers danced together, you could see how well they knew and trusted each other, a complete union of movement that was delightful to watch.  The fluidity of their movement together was such that the two seemingly switched places without me noticing on a number of occasions- an interesting effect in the context of a piece discussing identity.

There were times however, during the non-contact duet, the latter section with the dress and when working with the balloons, when their previously excellent discernment in both content and duration no longer applied.

The non-contact duet looked like an exercise in changing levels, whilst the dancers grew intentionally and progressively more tired.  This length of this section felt excessive to address issues around wanting to be the same and yet different, or to highlight the amount of energy we put into maintaining such a state.  Not that these are not important areas to explore, but the more literal interpretation leaves less room for open-ended exploration and as such was not as rewarding to watch for such a length of time.

The latter section with the dress I found merely confusing.  Again, it felt like a more literal interpretation of sexuality and objectification, lacking the space to encourage thoughts to run it simply brought me back to this rather solid point, a cycle which quickly grew old.

I will openly acknowledge that the lack may lie with myself.  Such literal interpretations may expose only my own creative short-comings, however so much of the rest of the piece had obvious roots (clothing, evolution, social labelling, etc.) and yet still allowed a deeper, richer exploration of the subject for me whilst also remaining entertaining.  That so much of the piece achieved this so well makes these other areas seem unfinished, which is a shame, though I am pleased to note that it did not ruin the overall quality of the piece.

The third section I noted for criticism was the closing section.  The sense of climax and resolution was nicely achieved, in that it was very successful.  However the text again felt as though it was not yet ready, and the balloons seemed excessive and indulgent in a piece that had otherwise achieved so much with elegant minimalism.

As a spectacle, the text was enjoyable, in keeping with the rest of the piece, and had the potential to be very striking.  I think it could have been improved however by either reducing the amount of text and allowing more time for it to be digested or increasing the amount and leading the audience on a particular journey with it, the unfolding of a pathway through their ideas and exploration of identity.  As it was, I felt the volume was dictated by the book used, set at an arbitrary amount, and the choices made therefore equally arbitrary and unguided.  The sense of being guided through a journey of words had such potential here, I really liked the format they used, I just wish it had been more carefully crafted.

The balloons however I remain solidly against.  Other than adding an interesting framing and texture to the piece through their presence on stage throughout, they seem to me completely unnecessary.  The small gesture with the hat was enough to convey the issue of identity in celebration as a topic, and further exploration rather than self-indulgent whimsy would have been preferred.

My choice to pick apart what I see as the flaws of this piece should not indicate any displeasure but rather my enjoyment at working on the presentation of such ideas, whether they be my own or someone else’s work.  This was truly an enjoyable hour of performance that I would recommend to others.  Those moments that did shine were bright enough to more than accomodate a few darker spots.

Using a dyno-torch gave such an ethereal quality of lighting that I simply ceased to look for any interpretation and allowed my senses to be thrilled with the visual display being provided, a feast for the eyes and the soul.  The harsh contrast of flickering flourescent tubes that followed were an excellent way to support their exploration of identity through the lighting, as well as forcing a reaction from myself as a viewer.

The interconnectedness of their duets were so complex, and so smooth, as to elicit the bittersweet pang of jealousy and joy that I feel whenever seeing dance so skillfully executed as to leave me uncertain that I could ever match such grace.

The piece was skillfully crafted as a whole, the injection of humour or unison movement as a moment of respite and relief for the viewer were welcome.  Not too much or too little, it serves as an example of the fine choices made in assembling this performance.

(A performance by Melanie Demers and Laila Diallo – 5 November 2009, Deda, Derby.)

Want to see more? Try one of these posts:

• Antipode
• nottdance09 (15-25 October 2009)
• Review: Comfort Queen’s “A Comfort Tele-Experience”

How do you react when you believe that it is true?
I despair.  I get depressed that I cannot find this meaning and purpose within my own life.  I feel dread, and this lump of solid, black, toxic goop settle in my chest.

Who would you be without the belief that there should be a meaning to life?
If I didn’t believe there should be a meaning to life then I would be more peaceful.  I would be open to life showing me great joy and purpose, but also to never experiencing that.  I would be able to accept those times where I don’t know why I’m doing what I’m doing.  I wouldn’t worry about making sure I was on the right path.  I wouldn’t worry about wasting my life.  I would be more able to just enjoy what is.

How can you turn it around?  And give 3 ways that it’s true for you for each one.

There shouldn’t be a meaning to life.
Without a set sense of purpose I am free to follow whatever paths show up in life.  A sense of meaning is a way to feed the egoic mind, the little self, and keeps me focussed in the future on some end result rather than in the now.  Searching for meaning is a way to keep the searching mind in charge, rather than accepting what is.

My ego is fighting back

I’ve done a lot of reading and thinking over the summer.  It’s led to me digging even deeper still in what started years ago now as a quest to find my perfect job.  Having got to a stage where I’ve shed a lot of unnecessary gunk in my head it seems that my ego (aka little self, egoic mind, sense of separateness, false identity) is fighting back against it’s ultimate demise.  I got all caught up this evening around having no sense of purpose to life and how depressing that was.  It’s fair to say that I haven’t shifted entirely into embracing the possibility of there being no purpose or overarching meaning to my life (by which I mean my external life, rather than my internal or ’spiritual’ life), but at least I’ve cracked the vice-like grip it had earlier on this evening.

It turns out that planning where our dance group is going, and what we want to be doing, will trigger the same thoughts about me.  I’ve still yet to fully incorporate the realisation that planning is only useful for the bare minimum of getting things done, and is not useful (indeed is counter-productive) when applied to life in general.  This could make it difficult for me to get anything done without freaking out, unless I can keep reminding myself that I don’t need to plan my entire life.

Want to see more? Try one of these posts:

• The journey to nowhere
• Following a thread as far as I can
• What am I learning right now?

Hans Rosling: Let my dataset change your mindset – Get a better understanding of the state of the world today

Dan Pink on the surprising science of motivation – Get proof to show to your boss that there’s a better way to boost productivity

Michael Pritchard’s water filter turns filthy water drinkable – Scientifically proven sterile water in seconds from a water bottle. Has to be seen to be believed.

Enjoy.

Want to see more? Visit some of the most popular posts:

• Identification, Self expression, Conformity and a rant
• Free Happiness Coaching
• Turning a lifelong fear into strength

And upon her head she wore a crown... by fishyfish_arcade

1 – Follow your bliss is the nice side of the coin

“Follow your bliss” is something that I’ve seen bandied about in my meandering of the internet and books that talk about personal development, self-actualisation, happiness and even some spirituality.

Follow your bliss, however, is the easy part.

It has some tricky parts to it, for sure.  Not tripping yourself up by feeling guilty because life is ’supposed to be difficult’ or feeling like you don’t deserve to be happy.  But this is all just negative mental conditioning, and with an open mind and the question ‘Is it true?’ it doesn’t take long for it all to be seen for the codswallop that it is.

Nope, the hard part is the flip side that doesn’t seem to have managed such aphorismic ubiquity:

When there’s no bliss – do nothing.

This one is the one that requires real faith.  This is the one that challenges what you’ve been taught without giving you anything to go on but the understanding that filling your time with busywork serves only to distract you.

Another annoying aphorism?

Whilst the concept is a simple one once understood, it is not so simple to communicate it clearly.  Indeed, ‘follow your bliss’ has surely been massively miscommunicated in its time, and so it is worth spending a bit of time talking about what I actually mean.  Or rather, to start with, what I don’t mean.

I’m not talking about stopping absolutely everything, if you take it to its conclusion it becomes obviously ridiculous (for one, you have no conscious control over your heartbeat, and even if you did, stopping it is not conducive to longevity).

So “nothing” is an over-simplification.  Rather, we want to be conscious that we are not being strongly drawn to anything at the moment, avoid distracting ourselves with busywork, enjoy what things we are drawn to continue doing, and take this lack of action as part of the cycle of life.

In the middle of winter it can feel like Spring will never arrive, but it does.  (Handy Aphorism of the Moment or HAM: This too shall pass.)

Perhaps other contenders for the flip-side aphorism are:

If your bliss isn’t leading you somewhere else, then you’re right where you should be.

Follow your bliss – even if it leads nowhere.

If you can’t find your bliss, sit still.

Ok, perhaps the first would not qualify as an aphorism, but by the end there I may be getting somewhere.  It’s short, sounds incredibly meaningful, and can only be understood by someone who doesn’t need to be told.

Side rant

This is what annoys me about aphorisms generally.  They’re used in the wrong situations.  They’re basically mnemonics but people throw them about as if they explain the concept they represent.

That’s like handing a flag to someone and expecting them to understand everything (or even anything) about the culture of the country.  (Thought I admit, some flags do have some info in them).

It’s bloody annoying (particularly amongst those who continue to try and espouse wisdom on twitter only to spout bullshit).  Please stop trying to sound clever by randomly shouting out random things used to help people remember stuff.  It’s like tweeting: Richard of York gave battle in vain (colours of the rainbow) or Every good boy deserves food (musical staves) but without the context and with an air of smug self-satisfaction.

2 – There’s another side of the coin to healing too

But that’ll have to wait for another time.

Want to see more? Visit some of the most popular posts:

• Identification, Self expression, Conformity and a rant
• Free Happiness Coaching
• Turning a lifelong fear into strength