Dancing in the rain : A mom's journal

Kids this age

2012-01-21T23:19:00.000+08:00

We were watching TV and the ad on Courts Mammoth were aired. And this is what Eussuv said :

Eussuv : "Mom, my friend said Courts Mammoth is where orang kampung and orang tak kaya shops"

Mom: "Huh??" (in disbelief)

Eussuv: "Really mom. My friend said that!"

Mom: "How does he know?"

Eussuv: "I don't know. But I think so too."

Mom: "Why do you think so?"

Eussuv: "Because it's cheap. And my friend said rich people go shopping at IKEA.."

I further asked him what made his friend brought up the Courts Mammoth talk, and he said "oh we were just talking!" Earlier of the day as I was talking about handbags, Eussuv asked me if a Coach handbag is expensive. Again I asked him how does he know about Coach handbag (since I don't own one obviously!), he said his TEACHER has one. A teacher owns a Coach handbag..WOW! And he also asked if a GUESS handbag is also expensive. OH boy!

The moral of the story is, an 11 year old boy these days is already thinking about the value of things, know of judging people from where they shop, what they wear and so on. I was taken aback with all these as I always tell my kids not to judge people from what they wear, the car their fathers drive, the toys and gadgets they have. But I guess I really can't protect from talking from their friends and get influenced by them. What I can do is instill the good values in them and hope that it gets to them and stay within them. I have started and I will not stop. I hope they will turn out to be "good" individuals", not judgmental ones!

Unleash and conquer your potentials

2012-01-12T09:58:00.001+08:00

I had the chance to go to a seminar of the above title over the weekend. It was a half day seminar of which I only paid RM20, 60% off the usual rate (later I found out that some people had it for free!). This seminar is so called the talk of the town with the people who supposedly "looking for a change" in their lives and who is determined to change. Then again, as I already predicted, this is only a preview seminar... you have to pay quite a bomb to go the more advanced class which is supposedly change your life to be "wealthy and successful". The main person behind this seminar is once a failure who wanted to "share" his success formula with the rest of Malaysian so that "everybody in Malaysia" becomes wealthy and thus, successful.

It was a very interactive seminar where it started with an energetic 'chicken dance' where everybody had to go with it, jumping and clapping in a very packed room with more than 500 participants, no kidding! Every question must be answered with a very loud yes and or clap or positive phrases like 'wealthy and successful'. And questions popped every 5 mins or so. The speaker, the success guru I would call him, seemed to be worshiped by the whole room. He's like the God of success who determines our success in life, who will make us rich. And the room roared with "rich" energy as he went on and on talking about how successful he is with a few Porsche, a bungalow with a swimming pool, lepak session with the celebrities and yada yada.. He even made fun of many "not so successful" people who's leading a regular life with regular income as compared to him who's making.. err maybe "not so much" but about a few millions a month.. as he put it. Maybe it's his way to make people feel challenged so that you get up and change your life! I don't know.

The main point presented in the seminar was The Power of Success. He talked about 6 powers of success which are:

- Power of Gratitude

- Power of Giving

- Power of Action
- Power of Dreams
- Power of Focus
- Power of Character

These are all relevant factors of achieving what you want in life. I did learn something from it and did make some thinking of where my life is leading and what action should I take. But did I run to the stage to register myself to the advanced class to get some discount for being the first 30 to register? NO. Did I send the registration form as he suggested, in case I decide to join later? NO. Did I actually think that he can make me wealthy and successful.NO.

I will not make someone who thinks so highly of himself, as high as God as my mentor. I will not make someone my mentor who belittles those who drives a Proton just because he drives a Porsche. I will not make someone as a mentor when he is so sure that he can change someone's life with a money back guarantee. He IS NOT God! And I will not make someone a mentor when he equates being successful in life to the millions he has in the bank!

Good luck to those who paid a bomb to change your life, while you can change your life at no cost but with lots of determination. And you can really find a mentor who's still stepping on the earth not floating on the air!

PS: This is purely my holy own opinion. Others may think otherwise and totally agree and follow his teachings.

Of hopes and prayers ..2012

2012-01-05T11:17:00.000+08:00

I finally have my quiet moment on the 5th day of the year. I feel like I have so much to scribble here, to pour out my head content, at the same time trying to catch Oprah's Best Viewer's Surprises on telly. The kids are all in school and I have less half hour before I move on to my next chore, cooking!

I am just amazed at how time flies. I am already in my 4th year of 'retirement'...It has been 3 full years, 3 blissful, challenging year. Challenging in trying to find out who I really am, challenging in trying to fit in the new life of not earning any $ myself and most challenging to be real fulltime mother (and I am still struggling!) But it's always a bliss not having to think about office, bosses, meetings and deadlines. Purely a bliss! Having said all this, I am not sure I will still have the haven this year. The financial challenge has taken a toll on me that I might give up my quiet moments soon. Still this is only a plan that's not being finalised. Perhaps. That's my hope and prayers for the year - I have to do something to fill in the gap in the financial area. When you are used to have something you don't know it's there, but when it's not there, you immediately feel it. You thought it's gonna pass, you pray that it will, but over time you know that things do not simply come falling from the sky, you just have to get up and do something to achieve what you desire. So that's one of my biggest hope and prayer for 2012, to be financially able again. I'm already planning.

For the kids, I have my hopes too. I pray and hope for Irsyad to be a better person. He is known to be one smile-less person and not easy to communicate with, especially with his friends. He needs to smile more, and be friendly and be an easy-going person. I already told him this and will follow up on his progress. For Eussuv, I need him to be more focused and confident that he can do it. He thinks that he's not smart enough to be able to follow Abang's footsteps in studies. I'm pretty sure he has the capability, he just need to be confident. For Aisyah, I hope she will grow up gracefully, be mom and dad's big girl, not a baby. Being the only girl, she tends to be a bit manja. The same goes to Omar as well. I know he's still a little boy, not even 6. But I hope he will not be as manja as he is now. And I need to prepare him for school this year.

Above all this, I pray that everybody will be healthy this year, especially me and hubby. I am a bit worried where health is concerned because illness can just pop out anytime if we are not cautious of our lifestyle.

I pray and hope, we will have a better year this year. Perhaps I should chart out some sort of planning for the year. Something that I never do before! This entry will be a starting point perhaps! (And I hope I can blog more too!)

Goodbye 2011

2011-12-31T00:04:00.000+08:00

I refuse to leave 2011 without an entry here. 2011 has been a difficult and challenging year. It taught me a lot about life, about people, and most importantly about myself. And it has passed. It passed beautifully, it passed painfully. Yet it passed. I welcome another year, with new hopes, new challenges, new uncertainties. And I pray that I will be writing the year end entry for 2012 when the time comes.

Happy New Year 2012 everyone. May 2012 will be a better year. InsyaAllah.

It's the year end again

2011-12-07T12:36:00.000+08:00

November was such a busy month. First it was the last week of school where there were endless school activities to keep the kids busy. They had curriculum day, prize giving day, class parties, tournaments, trips, etc, etc. No doubt mom was as busy as the kids preparing them for the activities as well as transporting them to and fro. 24 hours was just not enough!

And now December is here. Another busy but controlled time. I said controlled because their activities depend very much on my permission and my availability. Now is already the third week of the holidays and it had been filled with so many things that I felt that I hardly had time to stop and smell the roses. There were trips to the malls, movies, friends' houses. One trip to the National Zoo which was not as interesting as the place was rather in a pathetic condition, not well maintained. Those poor caged animals! Then the boys went to see a football match, and perhaps that would be their highlight of the holidays for them even though Malaysia lost to the opponent!

They have another four weeks to go. To me that is such a short period if not well spent. What worries me is that they spend most of their time online, networking or playing games. Other times the boys play futsal every day, morning and late afternoon which I don't mind at all as it's a way of exercising their body and minds (and so that they don't turn out to be a nerd or a geek!) I have to think fast before the time ends so that they focus on something else other than being online. During my time, when computers were unheard of, I spend most of my holidays outside the house playing with the nature. We build a tent from coconut leaves and branches, and had real food inside the tent. During the flood season, we had fun in the flood water in front of my house and try to catch some fish. We never had to evacuate as the flood water stopped just in front of my house and it never got worse. Comparing what I did and what they are doing now, I pity them. They cannot live without the technology, they appreciate the nature less, and they have limited space and time to play.

Regardless, the holidays are here for them, and for me too in some ways. I like the fact that I don't have to send and fetch them to and fro school, I like the fact that there is no school uniform to wash and iron! Heavenly!

I hope they'll make the most of what is left and I hope next year will be a better year. InsyaAllah.

It's almost over..

2011-11-01T21:48:00.000+08:00

It's November! I can't believe it. Before I know it the kids have finished their exams. That's such a relief but I'm not sure if I've done a good job "tutoring" them. I can see some improvement in Syasya but Eussuv seems to be getting nowhere. Eussuv is really worrying me since next year is his UPSR. All he wanted to do is play futsal, 'facebooking', or just do anything other than studying!

November also means the upcoming school holidays. There'll be lots of trips to here and there such as to the mall, to friend's house, or any event for that matter. I plan to enroll them into short events just as last year's tahfiz program. I have yet to identify any program though. One thing for sure, a crash course for Eussuv to prepare him for next year's lessons. This one is a must to get him started and perhaps, focused!
There will also be lots of food to be prepared since they will be at home most of the time. This will surely fill up my time and oh .. how tiring. I can already imagine!

Regardless.. that's what life is all about. Regardless, I have to go through it. It is my life, my responsibilities, my job! I have to make the best out of it, try to enjoy it, try to live it up and pray hard that whatever we plan or not plan will turn out well without any disasters!

Let's enjoy the year end and pray that everybody will be happy. InsyaAllah!

I love Mondays!

2011-10-17T15:30:00.000+08:00

I love Mondays.. really I do. I know most people hate Mondays because they have to leave the weekends. Because they have to resume work, because they have to start school, because they have to endure another week of work or school. But I love Mondays because all of that! Haha.. I know people will hate me for this.

Ever since I am a stay at home mom or a domestic goddess or whatever you want to call me, I love Mondays. My weekends are always full of activities, things to do, places to go, people to meet. I hardly have my chill out time - meaning - I have no rest. Not that I rests on weekdays but I do allocate some time for me.. some me time be it 10 mins or one hour or more (most likely 1 hour is usually the most I get!) Come Sunday night I kinda get excited knowing that Monday is just a few hours away and I will have my quiet moment soon.

Regardless, though I have my break on weekdays, my work around the house goes on and on. While the working people have their days off, I have none. I only have my "little" chill out time when others are at work or school. The quiet time that I always look forward to, means just hanging around the house doing nothing or watch TV or read a good book (though sometimes I wish I was away somewhere, at the spa or roaming around some beautiful city) But still, on top of that I have this little timer in my head reminding me what to do next.

Today is rather a great Monday. A great start of the week by me being the lawn mower man in the morning (thanks to the powerful Black and Decker technology!) cook later, then driver to the kids to and from school. Last week I was the plumber when the kitchen sink was somehow stuck. Life is great. Life goes on.

And let's pray that this great feelings remain until tonight at least!

Another year, another step wiser

2011-09-30T16:12:00.000+08:00

I celebrated my birthday a week ago. Let the number be my little secret... not that any of you didn't know anyway, but maybe for strangers reading this entry. Anyways, I always like to think that I'm 25. Hardy har har! Why? Because I think I like being 25. And also maybe I like my life best when I was 25.. when I was just myself. Me. I was not a wife who has listen to a hubby (obediently), I was not a mother who worries about her children or who yells a lot, I was not a housewife who's on duty 7 days a week, 24x7. I was just me. Me who goes anywhere I like with my red ramshackle car (as my sister put it!), me who's not worried about going home from work at 3am and go back again at 8am (only during peak project period ok!), me who gets excited on Fridays and starts planning for the weekend with great friends, and also me who didn't really care if I have only RM10 left a few days before payday because I will just eat at home and ask (shamelessly) for another RM10/day from my dear brother who I was staying with. And frankly, I miss that 'me'. Years and years had passed and for sure I can never go back. I can't even re-live the situation. Too much had changed, for better or worse. But I'm sure I'll be bored to death had my life stayed they way it was when I was 25. So what I can do now is just go back the memory lanes and dream!! Good enough to make me float for a while before the reality hits and brings me down again. Oh well!

Somehow as age is catching up, I can feel life is getting tougher and it teaches me to be stronger and wiser (hopefully). I tend to view life differently and I somehow glad for all the things that happened to me since I was 25, be it good or bad. The life happenings shape you to what you are and how you think today.

My wish for this year , and I think this will be my priority wish every year, is that I wish for another birthday next year in a healthy condition.... not necessarily wealthy but enough to get by. And another one and another one. May Allah hears me out! And how thankful I am to be able to write about my birthday this year and pray I will still be here writing, next year.

Happiness... is it really there?

2011-09-23T00:01:00.001+08:00

Oh please don't be choked by the title. Yeah it may sound ridiculous, but to some people who's never been happy, this is a very valid question. But to some, it sounds absurd. It actually really depends on how you describe happiness.

I chanced upon a very interesting book on happiness as I dwelt with the meaning of happiness with some friends. I was trying to figure out whether or not I'm happy since I've becoming such a pessimist being, and since I couldn't answer somebody who asked me "what was your happy moment in the last six months". It really scared me that I couldn't answer that question though I somewhat guess the reason behind it. The book came just timely. And it was a page turner.

The book, entitled "Hector and The Search for Happiness" is written by Francois Lelord, a psychiatrist in France. Apparently there's a whole list of Hector other books i.e Hector and The Secrets of Love, Hector and The Passage of Time. In this particular book, Hector travels from Paris to China to Africa to the USA and along the way he creates and keeps a list of observations about happiness from the people he meets. The travel comes about from his dissatisfaction with himself. At the end of his journey he listed 23 lessons about happiness. And most of it relates to the reality of life we often overlook. It could be a simple daily experience but we didn't think of it as part of happiness until it's being pointed out to you. I'm going to list only some of the lessons that appeals to me (you have to read the book to know it all!) and of which I may have experienced it at any time of my life.

Lesson no. 1 - Making comparisons truly spoils your happiness.
Lesson no. 2 - Happiness often comes when least expected.
Lesson no. 3 - Many people see happiness only in their future
Lesson no. 4 - Many people think that happiness comes from having more money or more power
Lesson no. 6 - Happiness is a long walk in beautiful, unfamiliar mountains
Lesson no. 7 - Happiness is not the goal!
Lesson no. 14 - Happiness is to be loved for exactly who you are.
Lesson no. 16 - Happiness is knowing how to celebrate
Lesson no. 20 - Happiness is a certain way of seeing things.

I shall stop at Lesson 20 as it will kill the joy of reading the book if I were to reveal all. The book is written in a very easy-going language, rather informal and very interesting and easy read. You can digest it easily and I truly loved the way the writer relates the facts and the stories, it just makes sense!

Having read the book I come up with my own conclusion about happiness. Happiness is not a constant feeling. It's not something that you should look for, it should come naturally right from your heart, it's not a plan thing or something for you to ponder about. Happiness is an instant feeling! If people ask you if you are happy or not, the answer is subject to your current situation. Surely there are happy moments for me for the last six months but I couldn't answer as I was looking at it differently. So perhaps I should redefine the meaning of happiness.. in relation to my disorderly life!

My Hari Raya

2011-09-21T21:39:00.000+08:00

Another month leaving without notice. Here I am wanting to write about my Hari Raya when everybody else is starting to write about the coming month or maybe talking about the coming pilgrimage or even about the next hari raya already. Oh what the heck.

As always (as dull as it may sound!), Hari Raya means lots of food and family gathering. My Hari Raya has become somewhat a routine for the past few year without me realizing it. I cooked the same food - rendang n such, visit the same relatives, exchanging gifts, same raya shopping, even baked the same cookies. Then again, not necessarily no fun. It's just that perhaps I can do something different next year.. something better and non-routine. Perhaps raya somewhere else. Perhaps visit other relatives and visit many more friends.

The apparent thing that stuck in my mind this raya is that the "old" people I visited seemed to look older, sadly.. which also reminds me, I am getting older too (ouch!)! One uncle who was still walking last year, cheery and can remember very well has started using walking stick, looked weak and barely remember his own age. He even looked at us somewhat in confusion. It was very sad! Another uncle who was bedridden last year is still bedridden and did not recognise even his own children. And one uncle is no longer around as he passed away just before Ramadhan. I also managed to visit my former ustazah whose son is my good friend since primary school. She remembers me very well, she even remembers my sisters and brothers. Sadly she's on wheelchair due to diabetic and some mild stroke.

This year also saw me meeting my half-aunties whom I have not seen for many many years (last I saw them when my dad passed away which was 22 years ago!). I felt good to get to see them though the meeting was a coincidence as we visited the same relative's house.

Back at home, there were a few "open houses" that we went which were mostly neighbors. Obviously I'm not that popular a person to get invited to so many open houses in any weekend. Some people had like 7 invitations in a day. Either my friends didn't host any open houses or I'm simply not invited. It doesn't really matter.. it's just something to ponder!

Oh and I managed to complete the 6 days of Syawal fasting, Alhamdulillah! And hubby too! Something we rarely do. Hopefully we'll do it again next Syawal, insyaAllah.

So perhaps there are some differences after all this raya. Alhamdulillah. Perhaps next year will be a better one. InsyaAllah.

It's leaving

2011-08-24T15:49:00.000+08:00

Ramadhan is leaving. Alhamdulillah, surprisingly some of my prayers were answered. The magic of Ramadhan. This year we are blessed with a lot of rezeki (lots of food on the table, lots of sedekah from neighbors and friends. I am so touched!), things seemed to be running smoothly. With just a little conflict. I'd say it's a good one. I hope it will be for the rest of the week.

Kids are fasting without much problem except for Omar who still have no idea about fasting. But I'm not worried since he's only 5! Irsyad fasts for the first time away from home. The only problem he had in the beginning is to get up for sahur as there's no system to wake someone up but by yourself, or your friend. He missed sahur a few times because he couldn't get up. But eventually he got the hang of it and got up by himself. He also had to endure the dining hall dishes which is of course far different from homecooked food.. With very limited pocket money he has, he sometimes buy food from the Ramadhan Bazaar which is situated right in front of his school. And now nearing Syawal, he's beginning to feel the balik kampung spirit as everyone is eager to go home for Syawal. I think this is the best part of staying in a hostel. He's taking a bus from school and daddy will fetch him at the bus station. I hope things will go well for him.

We have yet to bake any cookies. Will do so perhaps a day or two before the big day. They can't wait for that moment too. I hope I won't be too tired to do it!

Here I'd like to wish everyone, Eid Mubarak. May your Eid will be a meaningful and safe one. Have a safe journey home.

My prayers for Ramadhan

2011-08-02T22:24:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah Ramadhan is here again. Alhamdulillah I am still here to celebrate this holy month. To celebrate the way it should be with lots of prayers and good deeds as this is the holy month where one good deed you perform, the reward is double and triple. This is also the month of forgiveness and full of blessing. However, this is also the month where one can commit too many sins for being ignorant of their wrongdoings, for being extravaganza in their spending and wasteful in their consumption of food. Na'uzubillah.

I pray that my Ramadhan is better than last Ramadhan. I hope I can fill it with meaningful and significant ibadah. I pray that my family and I will be blessed this month and for the rest of our lives. I pray that all my problems will be solved or at least reduced. I pray that He will show me the right path to follow in order to be blessed.

I also pray for my family, so that my kids will be able to fast just as they did last year perhaps even better. I pray that Irsyad will fare easily fasting at his hostel.

And not forgetting, I pray that I will be here again next Ramadhan, and the next and for many more years to come.

I seek forgiveness from Him for all the sins that I have committed. I seek forgiveness from everybody else for all my wrongdoings. Please forgive me.

Ameen.

"Orang Gaji"

2011-07-28T16:30:00.001+08:00

Once upon a time.. long time ago, surprisingly I remember, I told my late mom this - When I grow up I want to be "orang gaji". Then of course mom had to ask me why. And the typical me answered.. "oh because I can just stay at home and no need to go to school or work!" Lazy bum! Poor mom for having such 'ambitious' daughter. This day, whenever people ask me what I am or where I work, I happily tell them .."I'm a bibik" which is almost equivalent to "orang gaji" except in my case with a lot more responsibilities with much less "gaji" or none at all!

A few days ago I asked a friend, who is currently pursuing her PhD, of her next step after PhD. She said she wanted to work but it'll be difficult for her to find a job because most of the time employers will say that she's over qualified, and she's not an academician where her PhD will be most sought after. So I asked her again, why in the first place she's pursuing a PhD. She said - to accomplish a personal mission. Ohhhh... Then I told her, long time ago I wanted to be (is that considered personal mission?) "orang gaji", and I am now one. So should I graduate now considering mission is accomplished and move on to take on another challenge? In life so far being "orang gaji" is the most challenging job I've ever had, mentally and physically. No kidding!

Thinking and weighing....

Quotations for the year

2011-07-18T00:53:00.000+08:00

For some weird reasons, I love reading quotations. It makes you ponder and it can make you smile and remember. I have received a number of small books of quotation on my past birthdays from those close to me and knew that it was one of my likes.

This year I collected some nice quotations from magazines, books and places I visited and conveniently store them in my phone. Here are my favorite so far this year.

"Life without a friend is death without a witness" - Anonymous

This quotation was seen on a gazebo in a boarding school compound. This is so true. I for one cannot live without my friends as to me they are always there when I need them. Dying alone is something so sad... just like if you don't have any friends to share your life journey with.

"Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage" - Benjamin Franklin

This is interesting if you think about it. People stay in a marriage not necessarily for love. And perhaps you can still love a person without being married to him/her. It's all in your head and in your heart.

"If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman." - Margaret Thatcher

Call me sexist... but this is so true!! Perhaps men are better at words but the ladies will get things done. Thatcher must have said this based on her experience running the country with all the men below her!

"There's no road to happiness because happiness is the road" - ??

Heard this on the radio and didn't catch who said it. Happiness is within yourself and subject to your own interpretation. I wish I can delve deeper into this. The same analogy used in "life is not a destination, it's a journey". I have such complicated journey that sometimes I wish I can go back to whichever part of that journey that I wanted and re-take the journey using a different road! Sigh!

Like I've said, it can make you ponder and it can make you smile.

Oh what am I to do!

2011-07-15T15:51:00.000+08:00

I hate to think that I'm abandoning this blog. No really I'm not. The housechores are really taking a toll on me. I have so many things to blog about, nice things, not so nice ones, happy ones, sad ones. All remain just in my head! Then I guess my passion for writing is just a passion.. no action, no rewards, no satisfaction. It's pathetic really! And amidst all these, I'm still struggling (sluggishly) to earn some income online and ended up paying more and more than I shud be earning. And worst, I have yet to earn a single cent! I really don't get it. I have yet to see ONE money making sites which does not require you to pay anything before you even started. Not even ONE. So it is truly bull**** saying that you can make money at no cost online. And it is entirely true that one of the "already making money" guru's article says that in order for you to make money online you have to have money and time. I have neither. There goes my life! Yes I know making money online is not an immediate thing, it is gradual and requires LOTS of effort. The thing is I don't think I have what it takes to be successful in it. I already have a tahiyyah.com, which is supposed to be filled with interesting articles about working from home, some ads to generate money, a form to generate leads, and so on. And yet... Am not blaming anybody but myself. I even have ventured into book selling which is surprisingly making but slowly and unfortunately requires an upfront cash before I can sell!

So now, I'm thinking of going back to work. The most dreaded decision that I ever have to make. This is even harder than the decision to quit my job. Oh well perhaps I did not think thorough enough when I made the decision to quit.in the first place! I am still thinking and praying. I pray hard that God will show me the way. I think about the housechores, the kids well being that I have to pass to a caretaker, and my morning routine that I kinda like. When I think about this, I don't think I ever want to work. But when I think about the kids needs, their education fund, our health insurance, our car, our house, our holidays... all the neccessities and wants that cannot be fulfilled now that I'm not earning, I got kinda nervous...! I seemed to be neither here nor there!

I hope God hears my pleas and grants them. Ameen.

PS : I wish I could have written something nice instead of this!

Omar's antiques

2011-06-06T15:27:00.000+08:00

Ryan Omar, my youngest child is not only playful and babyish, he's also funny and unpredictable. The following were heard these last few days...

Scene 1: Omar watching Playhouse Disney

Mom : Omar... mandi. Dah nak maghrib ni...

Omar: Mom! The TV said don't go away... (commercial break)... so macam mana Omar nak mandi..!

Mom : Ouhhhhhhhh!!!

Scene 2: Omar playing Lego and chatting with kakak

Omar : Kakak, kalau boy meets gal, then diaorang kawin then dapat anak, mesti dia gemuk..

Kakak : Huh? Sapa gemuk?

Omar : Orang lelaki lah...

Kakak : Ohhh... ye ke?

Omar : Ye lah... tengok Daddy tu.. kan gemuk!

Kakak : Eh tak semestinya... tengok uncle Herman tu.. tak gemuk pun (referring to my BIL)

Omar : (quiet and continue playing)

Mommy in the kitchen : (oucchhh... poor Daddy!)

Scene 3 : Omar watching TV with Abang

Omar suddenly turned to Abang and said...

Omar : Abang... jom main lawan lawan..

Abang : Abang nak tengok TV ni

Omar : Alahhh Abang .. dah lama kita tak main lawan-lawan. Kat asrama ada tak orang main lawan lawan?

Abang : Tak ada..

Omar : Ha habis tu jom lahh.. (and with that he attacked Abang.. and the wrestling session begins..)

Oh Omar... the entertainer!

Of life and death

2011-04-23T00:22:00.000+08:00

I went blog-hopping today. Something I haven't done for a long time. I hopped to onebreastbouncing, a very popular blog about a breast cancer survivor. Her blog is very inspiring. Sadly though, she passed away last year. Her last entry written when she was very sick. She talked about her pain and her struggle. It was rather heart-wrenching. The more heart-wrenching was when I blog-hopped to other blogs linked to hers which are mostly cancer patients like her, and most of them have passed away too, leaving just their blogs. One young man's blog, who just passed away end of last year, had his mom continued writing his blog intermittenly talking about his past life.

Reading their blogs made me think how we have taken life for granted. While we worry about not having enough to have "things" like nice car, nice house, latest gadget - they worry about how to survive the next round of chemoteraphy, how to finance their medications, or how to deal with children they gonna leave behind. But one thing for sure they are strong and determined people. Their determination to live made them stronger and their belief in God getting stronger as their pain becomes most unbearable. To me they are the chosen people as they knew the coming of the end of their lives. It is a test by Allah to his chosen servant. As Allah will only give the kind of test to those who are able to carry it. As such I believe, it is not a punishment of sort but more of a test (dugaan).

Having said that, my family has been given yet another big test early last month. Of all the tests given to us, we felt that this is the biggest so far. My brother in law (BIL), who is almost a saint in everybody's eyes, has been diagnosed with blood cancer. Though it's still in its early stage, it is still the big C. It started with a growth in his throat. While it was painless, it started to grow rather big that you can see it when he opened his mouth. Only after it was removed that they found out that it was a type of blood cancer. The world seemed to stop for a moment when we got to know about it. We broke down but at the same time swear that we would do anything to fight it. On the other hand, my BIL himself, who looks as healthy as anybody else, was calmer and accepted it with redho. Yes, we all should redho as this is Allah's plan for him that nobody should question. As for my sister, life has never been the same. She used to be pampered by her hubby as such that she only do minimal work around the house, everything else like banking, bills, house and car maintenance all done by her hubby. Now she has to do everything herself. One look at them, one would think that it is her who is sick. As for me, I felt as though I've lost a sister! We used to talk about everything under the sun and I can always count on her in anything. Now she only talk about her hubby and ways and means to fight his illness, to stay on, to ease their burden. And I, try my very best to be the understanding sister, the shoulder she can cry on and the immediate help that she could use at any time. I become the nanny to her kids whenever they have to go to the hospital and fetch the kids to and fro school.

I pray that my BIL will recover and one day we shall look back at this and smile and say, yes we survived the ordeal. But should he succumbed to it, I pray that we all are strong enough to face it. We have to be, for the sake of his small children and for my fragile sister. I sometimes think about situation like this, not that I want it to happen, but just thinking of what could be the worst thing that could happen to me in life. But I always think about it happening to me. I would never want it to happen to anybody else especially this sister. She is the most 'fragile' among all my sisters. Then again who are we to predict the path that one has to go through in this life. Allah surely has a plan for all of us, which at the end of it will benefit us in one way or another. There's a hikmah within everything that happens to us, only we realise it or not. We can only plan, He knows best.

For those happens to read this entry, please pray that my BIL will recover and my sister will be strong to face this test. InsyaAllah.

It's not that easy!

2011-04-19T16:22:00.001+08:00

Who says making money through the internet is easy? Who says? It's not and it sure takes a lot of time, patience and some creativity. While I still believe it can be done, I'm really crawling to get to the point of no return. I'm struggling perhaps due the technicalities of it, or perhaps because of a vague goal?

The truth is, it's the same with anything that we want to do and achieve in this life. You have to have a clear goal and a SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time) target. Errr... obviously I lack that (what a shame!). I have to wake up everyday with that specific goal in mind and plans for the day. What I do daily is mostly routine work which sometimes really slow me down to meet my ultimate goal. Though I'm so desperate to meet my goal, my actions are not desperate enough.

OK so what I should now is, just as my online mentor says, I need to promote promote promote. I need to leave my mombiz trail wherever I go on the net. I need to create the mom-lifestyle aura wherever I am in the net. Ohhhhohhh... help! Gimme the zest! I need a boost of energy and motivation, morale, and such! Go go go.. WAHM.

I am a WAHM

2011-03-23T17:16:00.000+08:00

I've been wanting to be a Work At Home Mom ever since I quit my job in 2009. It's been two years and still ... I am still a stay at home mom TRYING to be a Work at Home Mom. I have made some efforts, worked some plans, bought some books, registered myself to online courses.. and the list goes on. Nothing works.. yet.

A month ago, out of boredom as well as a bit of desperation (as my bank account is drying up!) I signed up for a work at home ad. Not that I've never done this before but I'm rather serious this time. I had to do it. I did some deep thinking about the whole thing. I know how it works. They are all the same. It requires some efforts, continuous efforts. Nothing is easy. It's just like working 9-5, you still need to work. That's why it's called work at home. The challenge is a lot more though. You really have to be discipline on time allocation, otherwise you will not make it. Then you have to be online. If you are not a techie, it's not a problem, your mentor should teach you. Yup, you should have a mentor to be successful in this line (a mentor is great to have for whatever line you are in, don't you think?)

Another important success factor is motivation. Staying at home you tend to have low morale.. most of the time. It is always stressful (well at least for me!) to have a routine housework to do and no time for yourself. To actually work at home, plus all the never ending housework to do, is no joke. There are times that you don't feel like "working" as you just want to rest. Motivation comes in a few forms really, motivation from your mentor in any aspects, motivation from yourself as to why you need to work, or even motivation from external factor like "hey, I'm working too!".. well something like that.

Really, it's a lot of work. But I want to do it.. I have to do it. If many people have been successful doing it, why not me. All I need is some patience, some investment, and lots and lots of time!

For a start, this is only what I've come up with, mombiz. Check it out!

Lazy mode

2011-03-10T16:46:00.001+08:00

Looks like I'm in the longest lazy mode ever to update this blog. The truth is I've so much to blog about like the Chinese New Year outing, Elephant Sanctuary trip, Irsyad's new school, my high school reunion, my latest work at home project... the list goes on. And I don't think I can ever catch up with the list. So let's just forget it. Next week is already the first term school break. Already! Perhaps I can blog about our trip to Kuching next week. Let's hope the mode is changed by then.

Tough decision

2011-02-02T16:51:00.000+08:00

Perhaps it was the toughest decision I have to make in my current life. It has to be because I was so stressed about it that I fell sick. I have decided to take Irsyad out from Imtiaz over to MRSM. Why was it such a difficult decision? I felt as though I have sinned! I'm robbing him the chance of being a tahfiz that's why. I still made that decision because I felt that it was the right decision which has been discussed between me, hubby and Irsyad. I took into consideration of the distance, the living condition as well as Irsyad's preference. But I know for sure this is not the decision agreed by many around me. They thought I took it too easy. They thought that I'm too soft, gave in too easily. And they thought I'm not thinking far enough, only thinking of the comfort of life, and not think the life after. But whatever they think of me, be it. It is me who has to raise my son, it is me who has to bear the cost- cost of time, energy and not to mention RM.
So be it. Perhaps I'm still stressed as it's been over a week now,yet I have yet to recover from my cough and flu! But the decision stays.

It is one lonely planet

2011-01-19T17:38:00.000+08:00

Suddenly life becomes incomplete. The house is quieter than usual. There's always leftover meals. What seemed to be not enough before seemed to be too much! The laundry basket shrinks.

It's all because one little darling has hopped off to another planet. No longer in my planet. Irsyad has settled himself in a hostel (which unfortunately has become my constant worry!). We decided (including him) that he should give it a try. I was not impressed at all with his living condition though the school claimed to be one of the top school in the state. But he seemed to living it pretty well. No complaint whatsoever. One thing about boarding schools in Malaysia is that you don't get what you chose. And you always have to settle for whatever they give you. Well of course, unless you have the RM and choose the best and the most comfortable one for your child to live in.

It's only been two weeks now. Irsyad went to my sister's place for the weekend they were allowed home. He was ok ok and ok. Somehow after the weekend I think he's beinning to feel homesick. He called me and told me if he has another chance, he wants to be transferred to another boarding school closer to home. UUUUUhhhhh! I said I will try but I can't promise anything. Again.. the thing is you can't choose.

Meanwhile, in the lonely planet, Syasya has taken over Abang's bed and seemed to be getting very independent. Eussuv on the other hand has becomed a bit reserved. No abang to bully him or him to bully. It's rather obvious that he's missing abang but never admit it one bit. Mom and Dad talk about Abang everyday and wait for his calls. Haha.. so much of trying teach a child to be independent!

I hope this will be temporary as we are getting used to it!

Oh, and a HOLIDAY it was!

2010-12-29T09:03:00.001+08:00

I think this is the shortest school holiday ever. And it was filled with too many things and events. But most importantly, kids are the happiest as most of the happenings involved them and revolved around them. What else is there if it's not for them!

If I were to list down what we've been doing this holidays, it would be like this..

Week 1 - swimming, hopping from one house to another between my house and my sister's

Week 2 & 3 - Kem tahfiz in the morning. Afternoons are filled with "facebooking", futsal, or simply lepaking around.

End of week 3 - a one night stay in Kuala Terengganu. The trip was an unplanned one to attend Irsyad's interview at Imtiaz, a school fully funded by Yayasan Terengganu. While we attended the interview, the kids had fun at the swimming pool at my sister's place. Omar nearly drowned as he simply jumped into the pool without his float. Luckily my nephew saw him and took him out. He said he forgot to put on his float!!!

Week 4 - 6 Another busy week full of little activities like going to friends' houses, play futsal, lots and lotsa FBs, birthday parties, weddings, malls .. - all these really took up my time. The highlight of the week was an unplanned trip to a very remote resort with white waters in it. The place is called Kalumpang, somewhere in the border of Selangor and Perak. Beats me, I never heard of this place before. Believe it or not, it was the kids' first taste of river! Everybody loved it though it was the shortest trip ever (as it was so unplanned!)
Another highlight of the week was the results of Irsyad's interview. A rather unexpected result where he managed to secure a place in Imtiaz. It was rather surprising as we never expected to get accepted as everything was done last minute, from the application right to the decision to go to the interview. But I guess God has better plans for us. I just hope that he can cope with the school syllabus as it is an Ulul Albab school with visions to produce Al-Hafiz within three years from the year the students enter the school.
Week 7 - Preparation for school. Oh this will be the toughest week! There are too many things to do, books, uniforms, shoes, stationeries, etc. And additional preparation for Irsyad's going away to the boarding school.

On top of all these, there were trips to the dentist every week for Irsyad's orthodontist treatment. It had just started and I need to get it done before he goes off to Terengganu. We also had two ENT appointment early and end December for Irsyad's sinusitis which had worsened since October. Fortunately, the ENT specialist (a very handsome and kind doctor - I was very distracted - haha!) diagnosed him not having a sinusitis but just allergic rhinitis as well as his narrow nose structure which worsens his allergic.

Having listed down all the activities, it's no wonder that I'm dead tired at the end of the day. They are hungry most of the time, their toys and things are everywhere in the house, they wear more than one set of clothes everyday if they play futsal, and not to mention sometimes they invite friends and cousins over!

There's also some workers who came to fix the defects in my house since the school holidays started. These defects include cracked walls and tiles, leaks in the toilet, and leaks in the porch. At one point, I had my toilet tiles being taken off and floor being dug to find the source of the leaks as the leak was quite bad. We had to endure the dust up and down as the workers were in and out of the house.

Now that the holidays are almost over, I'm actually quite glad. Even though it will mean my routine chauffeuring job will be back! I just hope next year will be a better year, more prosperous and I hope I can fare better as a mom, a wife, and of course as a person as a whole.

Happy New Year everybody!!

The Jolly season is here

2010-11-30T16:17:00.000+08:00

Nope, the jolly season is not necessarily Xmas. It's the school holidays! It is the 7 weeks of school holidays which will drain the blood out of me! Ok perhaps it's not that bad. It means no school uniform hand-washing and ironing, no trips to the schools, no homework and tuition, and no more school parties!! But there'll be a lot of trips to everywhere else like the malls, friends' houses, wherever they feel like going (if mom agrees of course!). For as long as I remember, all the holidays passed by without any of us noticed it. All of sudden it was just ended with us thinking, what did we do during the holidays? Just eat play sleep?

This year perhaps a bit different. The first week was over with lotsa fun with their cousins, swimming, going to malls (god knows what fun is the mall??), online games, etc, etc. The next two weeks, they have started their Tahfiz camp daily at 830 to 1130. Thus will keep them busy the whole two weeks as they have lots of surahs to memorise. Then I thought of sending Eussuv to a tuition class as he did quite badly in his finals in October. Not sure yet about this one.

We are going fishing with some friends this weekend. Our first time ever. Hope it'll be fun. The kids are ecstatic about it. We shall see.

Other than that we have yet to plan for anything. No plan of going anywhere else. We are nervously waiting -and hoping- for any offer for Irsyad to go to a boarding school (oh boy! I forgot to mention or rather "announce" that he managed to score all As in his UPSR!). And I'm supposed to take him to a dentist for his braces.. as well an appointment to see ENT specialist for his sinus.. if necessary. And I'm supposed to clean up their rooms to prepare for next year's school terms. Where am I going to trash all their books?? Aaahhh... so much to do and so little time. So disorganised of me!

But for now.. I just want to sit back and sing.. oh it's a jolly good season.. it's a jolly good season.....!

Another day

2010-11-10T09:43:00.000+08:00

How times fly! I thought I would be a bit relaxed after THE exam (UPSR) but I was so wrong. I was so damn busy! I didn't have t the time to write (nor the mood!). There were too many school activities, parties, games, trips. And not to mention final exams for other kids. My time was spent cooking and transporting kids here and there. The cooking part is somewhat ridiculous... parties are every week thus I have to do extra cooking.. pasta la, muffin la, cake la.. Then there's October birthday party for Eussuv and Syasya. Though only close friends were invited, it was still a party and I still had to cook. But being me, not so rajin one, I only had something simple for the kids and, catered something else for adults. It was a very small party but it was a great one.

Tomorrow is gonna be a big day .. UPSR results will be out. And the day after is PSRA results. I reminded Irsyad (and myself as well) over and over again that we have to accept whatever results that he gets. He has tried hard, we all have. And the rest is in His hands. Who are we to question Him. We will have to brace tomorrow with open hearts.
Right after the results, they will head off to Melaka for a school trip. Something they have planned for months and coincidentally the results are out on the same day. Since bookings have been made, they decided to go ahead with it. I for one don't really agree with this because I need him to be around to "digest" whatever results he may get, with me. Not far away with some friends. It's bad enough that now that he spends too much time with friends "online"!

As for now, I shall keep myself busy for another class party this afternoon and worry about tomorrow .. tomorrow itself!