In the 1960s, Edward T. Hall developed a theory based on the relationship between space, culture, community, and belonging. His research is becoming increasingly important for us as we discern how to better engage in community.

After all, the biblical mandate for us is to be in community, but what does that actually look like? The wineskins can change, can’t they?

• Public Space (50+ people present) - Our weekend gathering or a sporting event is what the public space looks like. You belong, you are part of a community, you somewhat get to know those around you, but there is not much of an opportunity to really get to know others.
• Social Space (20-50 people present) - This is a party-like environment where we are safe to decide who we would like to grow a deeper relationship with. It’s big enough that a newcomer won’t feel like they’re the centre of attention, yet it’s small enough that no one will fall through the cracks. It’s big enough that everyone will find someone to connect with, but it’s small enough that meaningful conversation can take place, without it being uncomfortable. You belong, you are part of a community, and it’s a safe place to take that next step.
• Personal Space (8-12 people present) - This is the typical small group environment, where you intentionally are connecting with others to go deeper, share life together, pray with one another, and allow yourself to be known. Private information is shared, but this isn’t the place where you are completely vulnerable and baring your whole soul.
• Intimate Space ( 1-3 people present) - This is an environment that you let only a few people into. It could be a spouse, a best friend, or an accountability group. This is an environment where nothing is held back and there is a lot of intentionality in sharpening one another, being accountable to one another, and being intentional in community.

In churches, we have been very intentional with the public and personal space, and sometimes with the intimate space, but not really with the social space.

Here’s a quote by Joseph Myers in The Search to Belong: “I would start with social space. This is a space that our culture yearns to make significant connections in. Most of our culture tells us that these connections are not significant. If a congregation would promote this space as an important part of a person’s search to belong and if the congregation would help individuals grow in this specific space, I believe you would find a lot of spillover health into the other spaces.”

So here are my questions to you:

• What does the social space look like in your church?
• What could it look like?
• What if we created communities that were this size?
• Would that be the ideal place to live out your church’s mission and values?
• Would that be the best space to see the maximum number of individuals engaged in community?

A few weeks ago, we covered some important concepts on serving as a group (click here for the article), but today, I want to go a bit more in detail on being a group that extends and lives out the love of God – a group that is, as Jesus puts it – salt and light.

“Evangelism is best done out of the context of a gospel community whose corporate life demonstrates the reality of the word that gave her life” – Tim Chester and Steve Timmis, Total Church

In this day and age, how do we tangibly tell others about the good news that has so shaped our lives? Out of love, we want to tell others about Jesus, but how do we do this in a way that doesn’t feel like we are shoving something down someone else’s throat? How do we appropriately engage others with the truth of the Gospel?

Here are five steps that will help us to better share about the wonderful hope that we have in Jesus Christ with our family, coworkers, neighbours, and friends.

1. Developing Trust

This is all about developing trusting relationships. After all, people don’t care what we have to say, unless they know that we care. This isn’t about trying to fake a trusting relationship, this is all about genuinely loving and caring for those around us so that trust is built up between us. This isn’t a bait and switch thing either, it’s simply about being a great friend. Doesn’t everyone need great friends whom they can trust and rely on? That’s what we need to do – be the best friend, coworker, neighbour, and family member that you can be. Why? Because that’s what Jesus would do, wouldn’t he?

2. Having Conversations and Living Life Together

This is all about sharing the stories of our lives. As you continue to develop trust and friendships with others, take time to listen to the stories that have shaped them into who they are today. Also, take time to share the stories that have shaped you into who you are today. When you talk, don’t just talk about the sports or the weather, talk about things that really matter. Invite others into your Christian community, help others understand that Christians are just normal people, we have just placed our hope in something that is eternal. Help others understand what our purpose in life is, and share about the ways that God has intervened in our lives and revealed himself to us. Throw parties and live life together. By doing all of this, maybe others will begin asking questions about the hope we have in Jesus Christ. After all, we believe Jesus is good news, so let’s just share that good news with others. It’s as simple as that.

3. Intentional Prodding

This is all about asking questions – good questions. Share how certain decisions that we used to make in life led us to the conclusion that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Share how our worldview became deconstructed. Help them to see their life and worldview in a different light. Ask how they are meeting their needs, and what their purpose in life is. Speak the truth in love. Pray for them and pray with them if they’re open. How is God already at work in their lives? Ask them these types of questions.

4. Seeking God

This is all about coming alongside others to help them seek God. In this stage, our friends are wanting to intentionally seek after the truth, so help them do that. Engage in conversations with them, study the Bible together, read a thought provoking book together (Soul Cravings, The Reason for God, The Case for Christ or The Case for Faith, Mere Christianity), etc. Encourage them to pray and to bring certain situations before God. Be a great friend to them and live life with them. Invite them out to your Christian community.

5. Crossing the Line and Continuing to Seek God

This is all about helping out friends live out Romans 10:9 – “if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Help others come to understand what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ and what happens when we make this amazing decision. Share about the hope that we have in Jesus and the way God transforms us when we choose to follow him. Share that we don’t have to have it all together, but that following Christ is more about a trajectory than it is about a destination. Seek God together and be a great friend.

Consequently, being missional and being a follower of Christ is all about being a trusting and available friend – not a coercive or sneaky friend.

Here’s a great quote on stories from Alan Jacob’s Looking Before and After: Testimony and the Christian Life

If we Christians can learn to think of our lives as emerging, developing instances of one (or more) of the various genres of the Christian life—as stories that move along recognizable paths, paths followed by our predecessors and indeed by our contemporary companions in the faith—we will be better prepared for the status viator, better protected from the twin dangers of presumption and despair, better able to see changes in the road as continuations of it rather than detours from it or dead ends.

This fourth post of my series highlights a story that went viral because of it’s unorthodox ways and eeriness.

The fourth perspective on death that I am going to be exploring is the remorseful response that can be sometimes eerie when grieving a tragic death.

After Chadil’s girlfriend of ten years died in a car accident, he decided to marry his dead girlfriend, out of guilt, in a funeral/wedding ceremony in Thailand. In Pravattiyagul’s article, he comments that “the “wedding” was his attempt to right a wrong, however belated the gesture might have been.” Consequently, Chadil’s self-admission that he married her out of guilt reveals that he is journeying through the various stages of grief.

This story was not only viral in Thailand, but over 100,000 Facebook users shared it at the time Pravattiyagul wrote his article. When a story like this goes viral, individuals on the various social networking sites feel like they have the privilege to say things that they would never say to an individual grieving the death of a loved one. For example, one individual said,“Well at least he didn’t try to marry a guy,” while another said “OH NOWWW he wants to marry her…real­ly???? That’s just gross and freaky. Wish she could just live again long enough to sit up and slap him for not marrying her after 10 years of going together.”

In response to a different negative comment, one lady said this, “You’re the hypocrite here Ong. I’ve read all your sick nasty comments and I suggest you keep them to yourself. Having lost a husband I find all of your comments offensive. Have you ever lost a husband or boyfriend? I don’t think so. Whether this guy did for publicity or otherwise it was something he wanted to do. You’re just a nasty bitter person who obviously has no heart or feelings.” And to finish off the spectrum of different comments, one individual commented this way, “HE MUST HAVE HAD LIFE INSURANCE ON HER!…JUST A LITTLE HUMOR TO HELP .”

Consequently, these comments not only reveal the desensitized nature of our culture in regards to death, but it also reveals the way that many individuals do not know how to comfort a grieving person appropriately.

Join me next time as I explore another one of our culture’s perspectives on death.

This third post of my series highlights one of the most recent deaths that have not only impacted Western culture, but also our global culture because of her widespread fame and music – Whitney Houston’s death.

The third perspective on death that I am going to be exploring is the religious response.

Due to Whitney Houston’s widespread fame, there have been countless tweets, blogs, and news reports regarding her death and the response of individuals to her death. For example, Jessica Simpson tweeted, “I found my voice singing Whitney Houston’s music. Today I lost my idol.” Rosie O’Donnell tweeted, “Dear God … There is a grief that can’t be spoken.” And Busta Rhymes tweeted, “Can’t believe we’ve lost another 1 of our Royalty. Sister Queen Whitney Houston. God Bless on ur journey as u now stand with the Most High.”

These are artists and celebrities, who are not known for their faith convictions, but still seemed to express their grief through a lens of faith, whether it be genuine or merely language.

Due to Whitney Houston’s Christian background, her funeral, which was broadcasted live over the Internet, was probably one of the most Gospel and faith filled funerals that many non-Christians would have ever witnessed. From Newark’s Mayor Cory Booker addressing the crowd with these words, “We are here to mourn our loss, but to celebrate her life. God is in heaven, and with him is one of our angels, Whitney Houston,” to Christian songs, Scripture, and a sermon, her funeral depicts the way many in our culture are able to process tragic death through religious faith.

Join me next time as I explore another one of our culture’s perspectives on death.