Dano's Full & Uncut ... .

Blogul a fost reinitiat pe adresa :

2010-05-22T11:34:00.000-07:00

http://dextrozagen.blogspot.com

Bancuri cu Moldoveni

2009-12-14T08:51:00.000-08:00

Niste moldoveni la jocurile olimpice. Proba de caiac-canoe. Astia asezati aproape de garla. Trece echipajul de pe locul 1, moment in care moldovenii incep sa strige:
- Mu*e ba!! Ch*zda matii!! etc... Niciun raspuns.
Trece echipajul de pe locul 2. Moldovenii iar:
- Sa va fu*im ma!! Mu*e!! Etc.. niciun raspuns.
Trece echipajul de pe locul 3. Moldovenii striga:
- Mu*e ma! Ch*zda matii!!
Echipajul de pe locul 3 riposteaza:
- Ba a matii ba!!
La care moldovenii exclama extaziati:
- Astia sunt!!! HAI ROMANIA! !!

Cica merge Ion cu bicicleta sa treaca granita in Rep. Moldova. Pe spate are doi saci mari.
Il opreste vamesul si-i spune:
- Ia stai, ba! ce ai in saci?
- Nisip, bre.
- Mai vedem noi.
Si vamesul ii taie sacii, si, ce sa vezi, nisip.
Totusi il tine pe Ion peste noapte si trimite nisipul la laborator. Rezultatul: nimic altceva decat nisip.
Ion este lasat liber si i se dau alti saci noi cu nisip.
Peste doua zile Ion se intoarce pe bicicleta cu alti doi saci pe spate.
Vamesul iar il opreste, cauta in saci, si ce gaseste? Ati ghicit: nisip.
Povestea se repeta pana cand, intr-o zi, vamesul se intalneste cu Ion intr-o carciuma din Iasi si il intreaba:
- Bre, io stiu ca tu faci contrabanda cu ceva, da nu stiu cu ce, si nu mai pot sa dorm noaptea ca tot la asta ma gandesc. Ia, zi, ca nu spun la nimeni, cu ce faci ma contrabanda?
Ion, dupa ce mai bea putin din tuica, spune sec:
- Cu biciclete.

Moldovenii s-au hotarat sa faca o fabrica de cauciucuri. Si stateau ei in dilema, cum sa numeasca fabrica. Si zice unu':
- Hai sa-i zicim "pi buni" ca am auzat ca italienii au o fabrica "pi reli" si li mergi tari ghini!

Un trib de bastinasi prinde un grup de turisti format din un american, un englez si un moldovean. Seful tribului le comunica acestora:
- Cine îmi spune un cuvânt din limba engleza care nu-l stiu, îi dau drumul acasa.
Americanul:
- Butterfly!
Seful de trib:
- Bai, da' eu am facut cursuri la Oxford, crezi ca nu stiu ca înseamna fluture? Hai la cârnati cu tine!!!
Englezul:
- Butterfly!
Seful de trib:
- Ba si tu esti prost. Înseamna fluture.
Hai, la pasta de mici cu tine!
Moldoveanul:
- Butterflyli!
Seful de trib dupa îndelungi strofocari:
- Bai, asta nu mai stiu. Spune-mi ce înseamna si poti pleca acasa!
- Fluturili!

Tipuri de capitalism

2009-03-18T19:42:00.000-07:00

CAPITALISM TRADITIONAL
> Ai doua vaci. Vinzi una si cumperi un taur.
> Cireada se inmulteste iar economia prospera.
> Le vinzi si iesi la pensie cu castigul.
>
> COMPANIE AMERICANA
> Ai doua vaci. Vinzi una si o fortezi pe cealalta sa produca
> lapte cit pentru patru.
> Esti surprins cand vaca moare.
>
> COMPANIE FRANCEZA
> Ai doua vaci. Faci greva pentru ca doresti sa ai trei vaci.
>
> COMPANIE JAPONEZA
> Ai doua vaci. Le reproiectezi astfel incat sa fie de zece
> ori mai mici decat o vaca obisnuita si sa produca de
> douazeci de ori mai mult lapte.
> Apoi creezi imagini animate inteligente ale vacii, numite
> Cowkemon, si le promovezi la scara globala.
>
> COMPANIE GERMANA
> Ai doua vaci. Le reproiectezi astfel incat sa traiasca 100
> de ani, sa manance o data pe luna si sa se mulga singure.
>
> COMPANIE BRITANICA
> Ai doua vaci. Amandoua sunt nebune.
>
> COMPANIE ITALIANA
> Ai doua vaci, dar nu stii unde sunt.
> Pleci in
> pauza de pranz.
>
> COMPANIE RUSEASCA
> Ai doua vaci. Le numeri si afli ca ai 5 vaci.
> Le numeri din nou si afli ca ai 42 de vaci.
> Le numeri din nou si afli ca ai 12 vaci.
> Te opresti din numarat vaci si deschizi alta sticla de
> vodca.
>
> COMPANIE ELVETIANA
> Ai 5000 de vaci, dintre care nici una nu-ti apartine.
> Facturezi celorlalti cheltuieli de depozitare.
>
> COMPANIE INDIANA
> Ai doua vaci. Te inchini la ele.
>
> COMPANIE CHINEZA
> Ai doua vaci. Ai 300 de oameni care le mulg.
> Declari somaj zero, productivitate bovina inalta si
> arestezi reporterul care a publicat cifrele.
>
> COMPANIE ROMANEASCA
> Ai 6 vaci, costuri cat de 10, mulgi doar 3, alergi bezmetic
> printre ele, mai aduci personal pentru alte 5, dai faliment
> si dai vina pe bou.

The speech on Second Economic Seminar of the Organization of Afro - Asian Solidarity by Ernesto Che Guevara

2008-06-20T06:22:00.001-07:00

Ernesto Che Guevara:

The speech on Second Economic Seminar of the Organization of Afro - Asian Solidarity

February 26, 1965

Dear Brothers:

Cuba is attending this conference to raise on her own the voice of the peoples of America; and as we have emphasized on other occasions also, Cuba speaks both in her capacity as an underdeveloped country and as a country building socialism.

It is not by accident that our delegation is permitted to give its opinion here among the peoples of Asia and Africa. A common aspiration unites us in our march toward the future: the defeat of imperialism. A common past of struggle against the same enemy has united us along the road.

This is an assembly of embattled peoples, and the battle is being developed on two equally important fronts which require all our efforts. The struggle against imperialism for liberation from colonial or neocolonial shackles, imposed by political arms or firearms or a combination of the two, is inseparable from the struggle against backwardness and poverty; both are steps on the same road leading toward the creation of a new society of justice and plenty.

It is imperative to take political power and to liquidate the oppressor classes; but then the second stage of the struggle, which perhaps may have more difficult features than the first, must be faced.

Ever since monopoly capital took over the world it has kept the greater part of humanity in poverty, dividing all the profits among the most powerful nations. The higher standard of living in those nations is based on the misery of ours. Thus to raise the standard of living of the underdeveloped peoples, there must be a fight against imperialism. And each time a country is torn away from the imperialists, it is not only a partial battle won against the main enemy, but it also contributes to the general weakening of that enemy and is one step more toward final victory.

There are no boundaries in this struggle to the death. We cannot be indifferent to what happens anywhere in the world, for a victory by any country over imperialism is our victory; just as any country's defeat is a defeat for all of us. The practice of proletarian internationalism is not only a duty for the peoples struggling for a better future, it is an inescapable necessity. If the imperialist enemy, American or any other, develops its attack against the underdeveloped peoples and the socialist countries, simple logic determines the necessity of an alliance between the underdeveloped peoples and the socialist countries. If there were no other uniting factor, the common enemy should be it.

Of course this alliance cannot be made spontaneously, without discussions or previous birth pangs, which sometimes can be painful.

Each time a country is freed, we say, it is a defeat for the world imperialist system, but we must agree that real liberation or breaking away from the imperialist system is not achieved by the mere act of proclaiming independence or winning an armed victory in a revolution. Freedom is achieved when imperialist economic domination over a people is brought to an end.

Therefore the socialist countries have a vital stake in making these acts of breaking away from the imperialist system successful; and it is our international duty, a duty determined by our guiding ideology, to make this liberation as rapid and thoroughgoing as possible.

A conclusion must be drawn from all this: The development of countries now starting out on the road to liberation should be paid for by the socialist countries. We state it this way without any intention whatsoever of blackmail or dramatics, nor of currying favor with the Afro- Asian peoples, but as a profound conviction. Socialism cannot exist without a change in conscience to a new fraternal attitude toward humanity, not only within the societies which are building or have built socialism, but also on a world scale toward all peoples suffering from imperialist oppression.

We believe the duty of aiding dependent countries should be approached in such a spirit. There should not be any more talk about developing mutually beneficial trade based on prices rigged against underdeveloped countries by the law of value and the inequitable relations of international trade brought about by that law.

How can one apply the term "mutual benefit" to the selling at world-market prices of raw materials costing limitless sweat and suffering in the underdeveloped countries and the buying of machinery produced in today's big, automated factories?

If we establish that kind of relation between the two groups of nations, we must agree that the socialist countries are, in a way, accomplices of imperialist exploitation. It can be argued that the amount of exchange with underdeveloped countries is an insignificant part of the foreign trade of the socialist countries. That is a great truth, but it does not eliminate the immoral character of the exchange.

The socialist countries have the moral duty of liquidating their tacit complicity with the exploiting countries of the West. The fact that the trade today is small does not mean much. In 1959, Cuba sold sugar only occasionally to a socialist-bloc country, usually through English brokers or brokers of other nationalities.

Today, 80 per cent of Cuba's trade is with that area; all her vital supplies come from the socialist camp, and in fact she has joined that camp. We cannot say that this was brought about solely by the increase in trade, nor that the increase in trade was brought about by the destruction of the old order and the adoption of the socialist form of development; both extremes touch and are interrelated.

We did not start out on the path that ends in communism, foreseeing all steps as logically predetermined by an ideology advancing toward a fixed goal. The truths of socialism and, even more, the naked truths of imperialism forged our people and showed them the path which we consciously took later. The peoples of Asia and Africa that are advancing toward their own complete liberation should take the same path. They will follow it sooner or later, regardless of what modifying adjective their socialism may take today.

There is no other definition of socialism valid for us than that of the abolition of the exploitation of man by man. As long as this has not been achieved, we are in the stage of the building of socialist society; and if instead of achieving this goal, the elimination of exploitation comes to a halt, or worse, is reversed, then it is false even to speak of building socialism.

We have to prepare conditions so that our brothers can directly and consciously take the path of the complete abolition of exploitation, but we cannot ask them to take that path if we ourselves are accomplices of that exploitation. If we were asked what the methods were for establishing just prices, we could not answer because we do not know concretely the full scope of the problems involved. All we know is that, after political discussions, the Soviet Union and Cuba signed agreements advantageous to us, in accordance with which we will sell five million tons of sugar at prices fixed above those of the so-called Free World Sugar Market. The People's Republic of China also pays those prices in buying from us.

This is only a beginning; the real task consists of fixing prices that will permit development. A great ideological change is needed to change the character of international relations; foreign trade should not determine politics, but should on the contrary be subordinated to the politics of fraternity toward peoples.

Let us briefly analyze the problem of long-term credits for developing basic industries. Frequently we find that beneficiary countries attempt to create industrial bases too large for their actual capability, whose products would not be all consumed domestically. And they mortgage their reserves in this effort. Our reasoning is that in the socialist states investments weigh directly on the state budget, and are only paid off through the utilization of what is produced by the investment in the entire manufacturing cycle. We propose that some thought be given to the possibility of making these kinds of investments in the underdeveloped countries.

In this way an immense hidden force in our continents - miserably exploited but never aided in their development - could be tapped and a new era begun of a real international division of labor, based not on the history of what has been done up to now, but rather on the future history of what can be done.

The states, in whose territories the new investments are to be made, will have all the inherent rights of sovereign property over them without any payment or credit due, but they would be obligated to supply agreed-upon quantities of products to the investor countries for a certain number of years at fixed prices.

The method for financing the local expenses incurred by the investor country in such projects also deserves study. The supplying of marketable goods on long-term credits to the governments of underdeveloped countries could be one form of aid not requiring the expenditure of freely convertible funds.

Another difficult problem is the mastering of technology. The shortage of technicians in underdeveloped countries is well known to all. Educational institutions and teachers are lacking. Sometimes we even lack an understanding of which of our needs should be given priority in a program of technical, cultural, and ideological development. The socialist countries should supply the aid for organizing centers for technical training; they should insist upon the great importance of this, and supply technicians to fill the present need.

It is necessary to insist further on this last point. The technicians who come to our countries must be exemplary. They are comrades who find themselves in a strange environment, often one hostile to technology, with a different language and totally different customs. The technicians facing this difficult task should be, first of all, communists in the most profound and noble sense of the word. With this single quality, plus flexibility and a modicum of organization, wonders can be accomplished.

We know it can be done because brother countries have sent us a certain number of technicians who have done more toward the development of our country than ten institutes, and have contributed more to our friendship than ten ambassadors or a hundred diplomatic receptions.

f we could achieve the above-listed points, and also if the underdeveloped could acquire all the technology of the advanced countries unhampered by the present system of patents, which prevents the spread of the inventions of different countries, we would progress a great deal in our common task.

Imperialism has been defeated in many partial battles. But it remains a considerable force in the world, and we cannot expect its final defeat save through effort and sacrifice on the part of all of us.

The proposed steps, however, cannot be taken unilaterally. The development of underdeveloped countries should be paid for by the socialist countries, we agree. But the underdeveloped countries must also exert all their forces to embark resolutely upon the road of building a new society - whatever its name may be - where the machine, an instrument of labor, is no longer an instrument of the exploitation of man by man. Nor can the confidence of the socialist countries be expected by those who play at balancing between capitalism and socialism, trying to use each force as a counterweight in order to derive certain advantages from such competition. A new policy of absolute seriousness should govern the relations between the two groups of societies. It is worth emphasizing again that the means of production should preferably be in the hands of the state, so that features of exploitation may gradually disappear.

On the other hand, development should not be justify to complete improvisation; it is necessary to plan the construction of the new society. Planning is one of the laws of socialism; and without it, it would not exist. Without correct planning there can be no adequate guarantee that all the various sectors of a country's economy will combine harmoniously for the forward strides which our epoch demands. Planning is not an isolated problem of each of our small countries, distorted in their development, possessors of some raw materials or producers of some manufactured or semimanufactured goods, but lacking in most others. From the very beginning, planning should tend toward some regional view in order to coordinate the various national economies, and thus bring about an integration on the basis of a genuine mutual benefit.

We believe the road ahead is full of dangers, not dangers conjured up or foreseen in the distant future by some superior mind, but palpable dangers deriving from the realities besetting us. The fight against colonialism has reached its final stages; but in the present era, colonial status is only a consequence of imperialist domination. As long as imperialism exists, it will, by definition, exert its domination over other countries. Today that domination is called neocolonialism.

Neocolonialism was first developed in South America, throughout the whole continent, and today it begins to be felt with increasing intensity in Africa and Asia. Its forms of penetration and development have distinct characteristics. One is the brutal aggression we have seen in the Congo. Brute force, without concealment or disguise of any kind, is its final weapon. But there is another more subtle form: political penetration in liberated countries, alliances with the growing indigenous bourgeoisies, development of a parasitic bourgeoisie closely linked to the old metropolitan interests. This development may be fostered by a certain temporary rise in the popular standard of living, because in a very backward country the simple step from feudal to capitalist relations marks a great advance, although it may later bring dire consequences for the workers.

Neocolonialism has shown its claws in the Congo. That is not a sign of strength, but of weakness; it had to resort to force, its final weapon, as an economic argument. This has evoked opposition of great intensity. But at the same time a much more subtle form of neocolonialism is being practiced in other countries of Africa and Asia, and is rapidly bringing about what some have called the South- Americanization of these continents; that is, the development of a parasitic bourgeoisie, which adds nothing to the national wealth of their countries, but even goes so far as to deposit its huge dishonest profits in capitalist banks abroad; and to obtain more profits, this parasitic bourgeoisie signs pacts with foreigners with absolute disregard for the welfare of the people of their countries.

There are also other dangers such as competition between brother countries, which are politically friendly and sometimes neighbors, because both are trying simultaneously to develop the same investments in markets which cannot take the increased volume of products, This competition has the disadvantage of wasting energies that could be used for much greater economic cooperation, and furthermore it allows the imperialist monopolies to play games with us.

When it has been impossible to get a certain investment from the socialist camp, there have been occasions when it has been obtained by agreements with the capitalists. Such capitalist investments not only have the disadvantage of the way the loans are made, but others, such as the creation of a joint corporation with a dangerous neighbor. Since these investments in general parallel those made in other states, they tend to cause divisions between friendly countries by the creation of economic rivalries; and further, they create the dangers of corruption flowing from the constant presence of capitalism which is so skillful in conjuring up visions of advancement and luxury in the minds of many people.

Later on, when prices in the saturated market decline, the countries engaged in the parallel production find themselves obliged to seek new loans, or to permit additional investments for further competition. The falling of the economy into the hands of the monopolies, and a slow but sure return to the past is the final consequence of such a policy. As we see it, the only safe way of obtaining investments from the capitalist powers is for the state to have direct control as the sole purchaser of goods, limiting imperialist participation to the supplying of goods in accordance with the contracts and not permitting them to get beyond the street door to our house. And here it is just and proper to take advantage of inter-imperialist contradictions in order to secure the least burdensome terms.

It is necessary to watch the "disinterested" economic, cultural, and other aid which imperialism grants directly or, since it is better received that way in some parts of the world, through puppet states.

If all of the dangers pointed out are not seen in time, some countries that began their task of national liberation with faith and enthusiasm may find themselves unwittingly stepping onto the neocolonial road, and find further that monopoly domination has been gradually establishing itself within their territories with such subtlety that its effects are difficult to discern until they brutally make themselves felt.

There is a big job to be done. Immense problems confront our two worlds - that of the socialist countries and that called the "third world" - problems directly concerning man and his welfare, and the struggle against the main culprit for our backwardness. In the face of these problems, all countries and peoples aware of their duties, of the dangers inherent in the situation, of the sacrifices required by development, should take concrete steps to cement our friendship in the two fields - which can never be separated - the economic and political. And we should organize a great solid bloc which, in its turn, helps new countries to free themselves not only from political domination, but from imperialist economic domination as well.

Our attitude toward liberation by armed struggle against an oppressor political power should be in accordance with the rules of proletarian internationalism. If it is absurd to imagine that in a socialist country at war a factory manager would demand a guarantee of payment before shipping to the front the tanks produced by his factory, it is no less absurd to inquire of a people fighting for liberation, or needing arms to defend its freedom, whether or not they can guarantee payment.

Arms cannot be regarded as merchandise in our world. They should be delivered to the peoples asking for them for use against the common enemy without any charge at all, and in quantities determined by the need and their availability. That is the spirit in which the USSR and the People's Republic of China have offered us their military aid. We are socialists, we constitute a guarantee of the proper utilization of those arms; but we are not the only ones. And all of us should receive the same treatment.

To the ominous attacks by American imperialism against Vietnam and the Congo, the answer should be the supplying of all the defense equipment they need, and to offer them our full solidarity without any conditions whatsoever.

In the economic field we must conquer the road to development with the most advanced technology possible. We cannot climb the long ascending road from feudalism to the atomic and automated era. That would be the road of immense and largely useless sacrifices. It is necessary to seize technology at the height it has attained today to make the great technological leap ahead which will reduce the gap between the more developed countries and ourselves. This means big factories and a properly developed agriculture. And above all, its foundation must be a technological and ideological culture with enough mass base and strength to guarantee the continuing sustenance of the institutes and research organizations which have to be created in each country - as well as the men who, utilizing the present technology, may be capable of adapting themselves to the newly mastered technology.

These cadres must be conscious of their duties to the society in which they live. There cannot be an adequate technological culture if it is not complemented by ideological culture. And in most of our countries a proper foundation for industrial development, which is what determines the growth of modern society, cannot exist if we do not begin by assuring for our people the necessary food, the essential consumer goods, and adequate education.

A good part of the national revenues must be spent on the so-called unproductive investment in education, and special attention must be given to the development of agricultural productivity. The latter has reached incredible levels in many capitalist countries, producing the senseless crisis of overproduction and a surplus of grain and other food products and industrial raw materials in the developed countries while the rest of the world suffers hunger, although it has enough land and labor to produce several times over what is needed to feed the entire world.

Agriculture must be considered a fundamental pillar of our development, and therefore changes in the agricultural structure, adjustment to the new technological possibilities, as well as the new duties of eliminating the exploitation of man, should be fundamental aspects of the work

Before making costly decisions that could cause irreparable damage, a careful study of the national territory is needed. This is one of the preliminary steps in economic research and an absolute prerequisite for correct planning.

We warmly support Algeria's proposition for institutionalizing our relations. We would like to make some supplementary suggestions: First, for the Union to be an instrument in the struggle against imperialism, the cooperation of Latin American countries and the alliance of the socialist countries is necessary.

Second, we should be vigilant about the revolutionary character of the Union, preventing the admission into it of governments or movements not identified with the general aspirations of the people, and creating mechanisms that would permit the separation from it of any government or movement diverging from the just road.

Third, we must advocate the establishment of new relations which create a revolutionary jurisprudence to defend us in case of conflict, and to give new meaning to the relations between us and the rest of the world.

We speak the language of revolution and we honestly fight for the victory of that cause. But frequently we entangle ourselves in the nets of an international law created as the result of confrontations between the imperialist powers, and not by the free peoples, the just peoples, in the course of their struggles.

For example,.our peoples suffer the painful pressure of foreign bases established on their territories, or they have to carry the heavy burdens of foreign debts of incredible size.

The history of these burdens is well known to all of us. Puppet governments, governments weakened by long struggles for liberation or by the operation of the laws of the capitalist market, have acquiesced to treaties which endanger us internally and compromise our future.

This is the time to throw off the yoke, to force renegotiation of oppressive foreign debts, and to force the imperialists to give up their bases for aggression on our territories.

I would not want to conclude these remarks, this repetition of concepts you all know, without calling the attention of this gathering to the fact that Cuba is not the only American nation; it is simply the only one that has the opportunity of speaking before you today; and that other countries are shedding their blood to win the rights we have; and that when we send our greetings from here, and from all the conferences and the places where they may be held, to the heroic peoples of Vietnam, Laos, so-called Portuguese Guinea, South Africa, or Palestine - to all exploited countries fighting for their emancipation - we should simultaneously extend our voice, our hand, our encouragement, to our brother peoples in Venezuela, Guatemala and Colombia who today, arms in hand, are giving a resolute No! to the imperialist enemy.

And there are few settings from which to declare this as symbolic as Algiers, one of the most heroic capitals of freedom. And the magnificent Algerian people, steeled as few others in suffering for freedom, and firmly led by its party headed by our dear comrade Ahmed Ben Bella, serves as an inspiration to us in this fight without quarter against world imperialism.

Ernesto Che Guevara

InGuraPresei cu Mircea Badea

2008-06-11T23:24:00.000-07:00

Eeee... vorbim de lucruri abstracte, anticipam situatzii si dezbatem teorii ... suntem niste prefacutzi... nu demult zombi incompetent ce sunt am inceput sa schimb canalele pe teve ... era tarziu ...sau era devreme? ..nu mai tzin minte ... in fine, initzial e k am dat peste emisiunea d'lui Mircea Badea d p antena si ramasesi captivat si uimit... chiar uluit de atata originalitate si de talent. Evident v'atzi dat seama k no sa am de gand sa critic ...am impresia k am mai si scris intr'un blog anterior cateva cuvinte despre "actorul" preferat ...Badea ...Emisiune geniala, succes intr'un ansamblu categorisit la un grad inalt ...
Credeam k no sa gasex niciodata ceva ce sa pot urmari zilnic cu dare si cu bataie... de inima desigur.

Arhiva Emisiuni.... ---><---

Tudor Octavian ...bune-rele

2008-06-02T05:29:00.000-07:00

Printre putzinele ziare pe care le citesc se numara si JurnalulNatzional ... o chestiune de stil de originalitate de suflet si nu in ultimul rand de un inalt criteriu de viatza ... politic social ratzional ... totu pare sa fie pe bune ...daca e sa dau un sfat sa ghidez sa instig pe cineva sa citeasca un articol plauzibil , despre viatza , amuzant , filozofic chiar real am sa ai garantez k asi va face o parere exagerat de buna despre acest editor ... sincer m'am saturat de atatea prostii de prin ziare ...faza ironica cel mai citit si vandut ziar din Romania este tabloidul Libertatea ... :)) nu prea e de ras ... chiar ne caracterizeaza?!... zilnic vezi busturi si subiecte stupide, nu stupide ... exagerat si irelevant de stupide ... pe prima pagina .... uof ... ma ia durerea de cap ... In fine vroiam sa subliniez k daca intradevar cautatzi ceva bun prin ziare si doritzi sa nu va dezamageasca usor va sugerez promt si zilnic editorialul d'lui Tudor Octavian de pe pag a-2-a din ziarul Jurnalul Natzional .... toate bune si frumoase .... :D

Articole scrise de Tudor Octavian

Emo sub o forma deplorabila...

2008-05-20T05:02:00.000-07:00

"opera" dintr'un cotidian independent ...care nu va avea dreptul numelui scris pe blogul meu ... amuzat am fost cand lam citit dar scarba si greatza pe care au radiat'o editorii acestui articol ma inspaimanta...

"Blestemul sataniştilor a ajuns şi în Focşani

Sinuciderea este fericirea supremă a adepţilor EMO

Ei au fost văzuţi şi în Vrancea, se îmbracă ciudat şi au tendinţe suicidare

Denumirea provine din grecescul Ťaimať care înseamnă sânge
Cercetătorii susţin că însuşi Hitler, la începutul anilor 20 ai veacului trecut, a făcut parte dintr-o trupă Emo
Mulţi îi confundă cu punkiştii, rockerii sau metaliştii

Presa centrală a semnalat zilele trecute cazul unei adolescente de 12 ani, adeptă Emo, care s-a sinucis. Focşănenii nu sunt străini de faptul că în oraşul lor există astfel de grupări care se aseamănă cu cele sataniste.

Sâmbătă seară(17mai), la postul de televiziune OTV, în cadrul unei dezbateri naţionale, un tânăr din Focşani a intrat în direct şi a declarat că a aderat la Emo.
În zona Teatrului Maior Gh. Pastia pot fi văzuţi frecvent tineri care au adoptat stilul de viaţă Emo. Băieţii se machiază, se îmbracă în hanorace negre. Adepţii EMO se mutilează pe mâini, bărbaţilor le place să poarte pelerine negre, culori închise, au breton şi un ochi acoperit, sunt machiaţi, le place să-şi tatueze corpul şi au mult metal pe corp.

Flagelarea provoacă plăcerea
Un emo nu e în măsură să-şi folosească mâinile decât în acte de flagelare, să sângereze. Naşterile la femei sunt foarte rare, sinuciderile făcând imposibilă ducerea sarcinii la capăt. Fac sex în grup fără să ţină cont de un partener pre-ferenţial. Adepţilor Emo le place să se fotografieze în oglinda closetului. Adeziunea la gruparea Emo are la bază toxicodependenţa, hemoragiile spontane, slaba rezistenţă la alcool. Emo se izolează pentru că se simt excluşi şi de aceea rămân la periferia societăţii. 99 la sută sunt bisexuali, nu fac nici o diferenţă între bărbat şi femeie.
Lipsa de comunicare cu ceilalţi îi determină să se manifeste altfel, să se evidenţieze. Prin muzică, prin haine, prin coafuri. Dacă familia nu îi tolerează şi societatea îi respinge, aceştia recurg la gesturi extreme. Sinuciderea este fericirea supremă a adepţilor curentului Emo.

Copilul Emo
Rămaşi singuri, copiii aderă la diverse grupuri sociale, aşa cum e şi Emo. Aceştia au tendinţa să se urască, să se considere inferioare celorlalte persoane, să fie extrem de aspre cu ei înşişi, toate acestea, culminând, uneori, cu tentative de sinucidere. Această stare se manifestă în perioada adolescenţei, sau perioada critică, aşa cum o denumesc specialiştii, când tinerii, încercând să se regăsească, au şansa să se simtă frustraţi.
Copilul Emo poate fi recunoscut după ochii puternic conturaţi, coafurile rasta, părul relativ lung sau ciufulit, de culoare neagră, sau, eventual, în combinaţii cu unele culori "ce sar în ochi". Se evidenţiază şi prin felul lui de a se îmbracă purtând tot felul de combinaţii ciudate de haine pe care oamenii nu le poartă, în general şi poartă o geantă lungă tip poştaş.

Ce este un "EMO"
După unele studii, numele acestei grupări vine din grecescul Ťaimať - care înseamnă sânge. Emo pare a fi un subgen al punkiştilor din anii 1980. Genul Emo a luat fiinţă în 1920 când a debutat un grup vienez "Numai în ungherul meu� din care a făcut parte şi Adolf Hitler. Termenul de "emo" vine de la "emoţional" care ne poate duce, eventual, cu gândul la acele persoane ceva mai sensibile, afective, şi uşor de impresionat. "Emo" este, de fapt, starea pe care persoana ce se consideră astfel o are din cauza unor decepţii peste care nu a putut trece.

Părerea psihologului
Psihologii sunt de părere că aceia care intră în grupările de acest gen sunt labili şi nu au nişte valori etice solide. "Acum câţiva ani o liceană, rockeriţă, s-a aruncat în faţa trenului. Au fost nişte grupări sataniste în Focşani care vedeau sinuciderea ca fiind fericirea supremă. Curentul EMO este la modă acum. E ceva specific adolescenţilor care nu au nişte valori bine definite. Sinuciderea este o etică a lor, iar depresia este bine primită în gruparea lor. Ei sunt teribilişti, vor să trăiască altfel decât ceilalţi", a precizat Maria Arginteanu, psiholog."

EMO .... more or less?

2008-05-20T04:15:00.000-07:00

Puţini români auziseră, probabil, despre curentul "Emo" pînă săptămîna trecută, cînd sinuciderea unei fetiţe de 12 ani a şocat opinia publică. Presa s-a grăbit să asocieze gestul fatal al Andradei Mocănescu cu ciudatele preferinţe vestimentare ale copilei. Unul dintre colegii Andradei le-a mărturisit jurnaliştilor că fata se îmbrăca bizar şi se machia cu negru pe la ochi. În plus, asculta muzică rock. Deci, era "EMO". Iată, aşadar, explicaţia tragediei!

Acest raţionament care scîrţîie din toate încheieturile a declanşat o adevărată isterie mediatică. Se vorbeşte despre "un nou pericol în rîndul tinerilor", despre "moda sinucigaşă", despre o generaţie cronic deprimată. Cică adolescenţii cu breton oblic şi haine strîmte îşi petrec zilele jucîndu-se cu lama pe venă. Dezgustaţi prematur şi iremediabil de viaţă, se distrează doar anticipîndu-şi moartea şi plîngîndu-şi între timp de milă. Andrada Mocănescu ar fi fost victima acestei mode morbide. Şi dovada că ne aflăm în faţa unui fenomen extrem de primejdios. Această perspectivă senzaţionalistă nu rezistă însă unei examinări mai atente.

În primul rînd, nu se poate vorbi despre un fenomen social extrapolînd concluziile unui singur caz, oricît de cutremurător ar fi acesta. Cu atît mai mult cu cît nu există dovezi certe că Andrada Mocănescu făcea parte dintr-un grup (concret sau virtual) de adepţi ai curentului "EMO". Să zicem însă că făcea. "EMO" e o modă, nu o sectă. Este, de fapt, cel mai recent avatar al indemodabilei răzvrătiri adolescentine, pe care a traversat-o de-a lungul timpului fiecare generaţie.

Fiecare generaţie tînără şi-a avut "look"-ul, muzica, revolta. Bretonul oblic se înscrie într-o lungă tradiţie: de la freza à la Elvis la pletele hippie, de la tunsoarea "Bros" la meşa "depecherilor". Hainele şi machiajul s-au tot schimbat, atitudinea a avut mereu cîteva constante: contestarea, teribilismul, dorinţa de a şoca generaţia părinţilor. Acestea sînt inevitabilele efecte secundare ale pubertăţii.

Toţi adolescenţii lumii s-au simţit la un moment dat rău în pielea lor, inadaptaţi sau neînţeleşi. Celor care cred că pragul dintre copilărie şi maturitate a devenit dificil abia după apariţia "EMO" le recomand filmul lui James Dean din 1955, "Rebel fără cauză".

Nici obsesia morţii în rîndul celor foarte tineri nu este o invenţie de dată recentă. Jurnalul lui Jeni Acterian din anii ’30 ar putea deveni astăzi o adevărată Biblie a generaţiei "EMO" În urmă cu mai bine de şapte decenii, o adolescentă care se pregătea pentru Bacalaureat scria pagini sfîşietoare despre inutilitatea vieţii şi despre chinul unei existenţe trăite cu certitudinea ratării. Contempla şi ideea sinuciderii. Însemnările ei ar face azi furori pe bloguri.

Jeni Acterian nu avea cercel în buză şi nu se farda strident. Era o mare iubitoare de lectură şi de muzică. Clasică. Nu versurile vreunui cîntec la modă i-au marcat adolescenţa, basculînd-o la limita depresiei. Pur şi simplu, există sensibilităţi care suportă mai greu anii dificili ai maturizării. Hipersensibilitatea nu e o chestiune de modă, ci de fire.

Nici vîrsta ingrată, nici moda nu explică însă gesturile extreme.

Nu vreun şlagăr lacrimogen a împins-o la sinucidere pe Andrada Mocănescu, după cum nu cîntecele lui Marilyn Manson au provocat în 1999 carnajul de la liceul din localitatea americană Columbine. Milioane de tineri au ascultat aceeaşi muzică, fără ca apoi să-şi pună capăt zilelor sau să se transforme în ucigaşi în serie. Milioane de copii s-au uitat la desene animate, dar numai unul a sărit de la etaj, încercînd să zboare ca eroul său preferat. Există între aceste cazuri un numitor comun? Putem vorbi despre un "fenomen"?

Dacă există un fenomen, acesta se rezumă la tendinţa societăţii de a căuta explicaţii facile, dar spectaculoase pentru tragediile care se abat prea mult de la limitele normalităţii. Anumite gesturi rămîn imposibil de înţeles, chiar şi din perspectiva patologicului. Nu vom pricepe, probabil, niciodată ce mecanisme i-au determinat pe doi elevi de liceu să-şi masacreze cu sînge rece colegii şi profesorii într-o veritabilă orgie de sînge. Alteori, însă, explicaţiile sunt la îndemînă, dar adevărul este prea dureros. Este mai uşor să dăm vina pe seama unui context mai larg decît să analizăm lucid circumstanţele concrete, responsabilităţile imediate.

http://www.emo-kids.ro/

preluare Jurnalul National

Abstract 002

2008-05-17T04:00:00.000-07:00

Incerc sa ma catapultez in timp, merg pe fulgi de zapada dar am impresia k sunt petale de trandafir ... devin negre ... ma pandeste groaza si incep sa tremur ... devin emo ... :| Mai bine ma uit la luna ... cea mai lunga distantza din lume este cea de ieri pana maine ...ma duc sa beau o bere ...sa devin si mai emo ...m'am intalnit cu unu ieri si mia zis k "iarba" lui e emo ..."se taie singura" :))... e bine ..al scuteste de timp ...-unde ramasesem-..?! ...asa ....ma uitam la luna si faceam mijto de ea ... creca sunt beat ...sau plictisit ... iacata scriu numa prostii ... ma tzin in priza ... luna, stele, 10 beri ... prostii ....n'ai treaba acasa frate ... stai k sunt deja acasa :)... creca ies sa ma destind ... afara creca incepe sa ploua ...continui acum acest articol inceput de cateva zile ... data e falsa ... in fine ... plictiseala mare... ies draq odata ... busy ...suspect .... mai bine zic stepped out ...creca am probleme'... gata salve ...

Abstract 001

2008-05-06T03:36:00.000-07:00

Mai am putzin si intru intr'o transa molipsitoare de stare erotica ... adik mie sila de mine . Sunt asa de multe idei ce'mi trec prin stomac si sunt constient k am slabe sanse sa le vad din profil vreodata... Ami vine sa bag capu'n perna si sa tzip :P sau sa bat pe unu care mi'e antipatic ...sa'l pocnesc, sa i'o dau la pancreas ....la pifometru, la smecleu ... dupaia sa afisez un zambet de "vreau ovaz" care sa nu'mi dispara decat pana la urmatoarea perna, eventual victima. Se'apropie bacu si nam nici o stare de griji, de stress, de neliniste ... creca e lenea ... e molipsitoare. Vreau sa'mi iau un R8 da nam bani de benzina nici pt loganu meu... uof ...ma doare capu si am ramas fara dicarbocalm, ce draq fac!? ...nu tresa intru in panica , ma linistesc , ma gandesc la poeziile lui Eminescu ...:)) GlumesC !! ...poate gandul la cateva episoade HappyTreeFriends ami va schimba starea...Am o sila pe mine ...creca mi se face rau ...ma bag la somn.

Electric Six

2008-04-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

Official Site ----> X <----

Electric Six - "Gay Bar" (Hi Res)

Electric Six "Danger -High Voltage"

Downloads: IsoHunt ---->X<----

What What ( In the butt )

2008-04-05T09:40:00.000-07:00

SouthPark Version
Butters - "What What (In the Butt)"

Original Version
Samwell - "What What (In the Butt)"

Cititor fidel ...

2008-03-14T08:09:00.000-07:00

........
...ma doare capu si incep sa citesc din ziare ...creca sunt sinucigas ...cum draq!(indignat)... asa am ajuns?! , doar stiu k se scriu numai prostii, numai minciuni, lucruri care nu fac decat sa ne obsoarba timpul nostru pretzios si sa il inlocuiasca nesimtzit cu un sindrom deficitar...nu degeaba i se zice manipulare mass-media ... acu ma doare si mai tare... capul desigur . Incep sa ma delectez cu putzina coruptzie( nijte exemple de oameni cinstitzi din tzara), cat de saraci lilpitzi sunt unii care desigur asa se nasc asa mor, cum altzii devin milionari peste noapte. ...si incerc sa intzeleg ... atata agitatzie nu ami provoaca decat greatza si foame... doi factori greu de combinat ...

Cateodata desigur mai gasesc si cate ceva cemi capteaza atentzia in asa o maniera incat sa incep sa calculez si sami imprim in memorie ...ceva ce merita ...sau ceva ce este discret pus ...o acoperire ...o umplutura ...ceva pus la plesneala care ne pacaleste intr'un final si reusim sa ne acomodam cu ea... O sa ma opresc aici k daca incep nu mai termin ... am atatea subiecte de dezbatut... modalitatzi, variabile, rezultate ...atat de multe raman "neverificate" pe lumea asta ...pacat k avem prea putzina putere si mult prea putzin timp...

Ziare Romanesti si din Bucuresti

Favourite Song

2008-03-12T09:29:00.000-07:00

Gary Jules - Video Link "Mad World"

"Mad World"

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

Nazi UFO & Wonder Wapons

2008-03-09T18:41:00.001-07:00

WHAT ARE THE NAZI UFOs?

Since 1950 there were many claims about alleged German developments of revolutionary saucer-shaped crafts able to fly with incredible performances, from a sort of "supersonic helicopter" to hard-to-believe interstellar spaceships.

These crafts were believed the same "flying saucers" (later named UFOs) sighted by many people all around the world since 1947. According to the many would-be "inventors" and enthusiasts of this theory, UFOs would not be of extraterrestrial origin but man-made.

The "German saucers" are often known also as the "V-7 legend": this comes from a reportedly circular aircraft named "V-7" and claimed to have flown in Prague on February 14, 1945.

Latest developments of the legend, including claims of German space journeys to the Moon, Mars and near stars will be also taken into consideration.

Also of interest are all those rumours about secret Allied developments of original German projects,
Nazi underground bases and related stories, like Hitler's escape and mysterious U-Boats sighted after the end of WWII.

Besides claims of would-be inventors and rumours, there are no original first-hand historical documents about the development of saucer-shaped aircrafts by the Germans. The supporters of the saucers' reality say that most but all documents and blueprints were destroyed by the Nazis before surrender or captured by the Allied and never released, due to their extreme strategic importance. Investigation for locating possible undisputable sources is still running.

MYTH OR REALITY?

The reality of the "Nazi UFOs" has been highly controversial. No really hard historical evidence about the undisputable existence of such advanced technology has been presented so far.

There are some clues and many fascinating rumours that have been creating a real myth about the so-called "Nazi UFOs". One of the main scopes of this site is just the collection and deployment of documents able to evaluate the whole story better and under a critical point of view.

The Schriever "Flugkreisel"

1950 Artwork of a Nazi Saucer

"The are our own!"

A would-be situation

Again the Schriever Disc

Artistic Rendering of a "Saucer"

The Miethe Disc: an Artwork

Alleged photo of an armed Saucer

WONDER SECRET WEAPONS

Just after the fall of the Third Reich the international press began to introduce more or less fantastic stories about alleged "wonder secret weapons" developed by the Nazi scientists during the last months of WWII.

The early achievements got by the primitive jets, rockets and missiles, as well as the discoverey of huge amounts of prototypes and, above all, blueprints, stimulated the birth and the circulation of wild stories about amazing "wonder weapons".

The technological breaktroughs got by the Nazis, and their evil aura, created a sort of "fascination" and wishful thinking about the subject of the German secret weapons. It was a popular subject for most of the international press (as well as the never-ending controversy of Hitler's death or survival) in the second half of the forties and many tabloids and popular weeklies emphasized rumours and uncontrolled news about fantastic German wonder weapons.

The cold war helped to spread such rumours, as some of those terrific weapons were said to have been captured by the Russians, the new enemy. This could be a terrible threat against the Western countries and a good argument to justify the need for attention and new resources for the military.

Rumours were made easier and "more credible" by the veil of secrecy of any Soviet activity and the paucity of verifiable sources.

Most of the information available about such fantastic "wonder weapons" is pretty vague and typically unsupported by reliable sources.

The enthusiasts of these legendary "weapons" say most but all of the documents and blueprints about them went lost because destroyed by the Germans at the end of the war or seized by the Allied and then never disclosed.

Actually there were hundreds of "real" projects (many of them really odd and with no reasonable chance of success) for new fighters, bombers, and missiles. Additionally there were also many intriguing projects, prototypes or even small-scale productions of advanced weaponry, still quite obscure. Some of them will be covered in this site, but we recommend to buy some of the books currently available to have a much larger coverage.

Some rumoured German "wonder weapons":

space mirrors
atomic bomb
terrific bombs
death ray
piloted missiles

Some odd German "wonder weapons":

infrared devices
"luftfaust"
huge tanks
air-to-air missiles
winged missiles
wind cannon
sound cannon

"Sound Cannon"

"Jet Helicopter"

Piloted V-2

Infrared Scopes

For more info and images click Here -->X<--

Indignat si revoltat

2008-03-08T05:43:00.000-08:00

Iar am un chef nebun de aplatizare a unor subiecte poate neinteresante pentru unii... oricum nu ma intereseaza de voi cititorilor...probabil, tristi cum suntetzi, natzi mai iesit din casa cu zilele, atzi dat si de post-ul meu... si ce altceva sa facetzi decat sa'l cititzi.... doar avetzi tot timpul din lume ....mie mila de voi.... IN fine ...initzial vreau sa dezbat un singur subiect ...daca ma ia valu si aberez iar numai prostii ...tot nu imi pasa ...cum va zisesi mai devreme doar ce naiba ...suntetzi asa naivi ...Subiectu de azi ...mai bine zis comentariile mele la adresa ...sunt despre si la Mircea Badea ...bunul si traznitul nostru prieten din pamfletul "In gura presei"... pe langa faptul k nu trebuie sa specific sau sa mentzionez k este o parere personala pt k nu este ...emisiunea pur si simplu abreviaza de la termenul "genial" ...din cauza k in ziua de azi exista mult prea multe lucruri...sau hai sa le spunem informatzii care nu au decat un singur rol si acela de dezinformare a maselor...atata minciuna, atata ipocrizie si egoism...toate aduse de putere vor pieri de putere...toate generatziile anterioare raman fara prea multe prejudecatzi inferioare ...adik hai sa ne deschidem ochii si sa vedem daca este asa ...In primul rand majoritatea varstelor trecute de perioada stralucitoare a vietzii sunt mult prea slab informate...la restu nu le pasa...se pare k le plac sa fie sclavii societatzii k altfel nu pot sai fac...
Toata lumea traieste intr'o rutina mizerabila si saraca in tzara asta ...ajungem sa ne fie rusine cu noi insine...ceea ce ar cam fi ultimul si cel mai josnic lucru de facut de pe lista ..
Nea Badea ne arata si el tot ce poate si ce cam are voie ...pentru k hai sa fim sinceri...nici asa nu'i chiar asa ... oricum apreciez enorm metodele sale de abordare si simtzul umorului in prezentarea unei realitatzi a tzarii ...chiar a lumii care pentru multzi este invizibila ... ne mai deschide ochii din cand in cand ..ne spune si ne cearta "de ce suntem asa naivi?"... are multa dreptate
Intr'o tzara condusa doar de interese nevoile poporului retrogradeaza intr'o divizie slab cotata in care domina "blat'ul" ....
Si de aici se pare k ne este mai usor sa "inevoluam " decat sa luam exemple dupa "granzi" si sa ne mai retusam si noi defectele ...Incepem sa lovim animalele... oare de ne'a cuprins disperare ...prostie este multa si va continua sa fie da nici chiar asa oameni buni ...prostie caracterizata sub o forma (citat Mircea Badea) ingalata, grasa, slinoasa, puturoasa ...
Ne mai putem noi numi "human-beings" sau nijte animale curioase care nusi vor gasi niciodata echilibrul spre absolut , spre perfect ....macar deam incerca ...
Mare jertfa si laude lui Mircea Badea caci e singurul la ora actuala care ne mai arata din cand in cand adevarul gol-golutz despre cum sta treaba in Romania "tzara care ne ocupa tot timpul" ...

Am o "migrena" !

2008-03-05T12:10:00.000-08:00

....uof...ma doare capul...
Uite cum iar vorbesc singur si am impresii si pareri cum sar putea sau ar avea o tentativa de schimbare incercand in acelasi timp sa influentzeze spatziul si timpul ....( uof ...iar incep sa aberez ) ...ma doare capu si nujt daca sa iau un Redigest sau un Colebil , dumnezeu stie, poate no sa ma mai roada asa de tare toate intrebarile anonime fara raspuns concret ...simt k explodez ...si asta nu este o metafora sau personificare mai ales un cuvant complex poate chiar complicat ...

In fiecare zi ami schimb parerea despre toate lucrurile care le credeam inchise, rezolvate toate dilemele problematice care siau gasit locul in gluga lui Kenny... Poate din cauza k tot ce ne inconjoara se schimba asa de drastic si de rapid ... nu mai pot tzine pasul ... ce sa mai cred daca conflictul din Kosovo este controlat de Americani care vor doar sai atzatze pe rusi sau este doar un bust ereditar al oamenilor care sau trezit brusc la realitate... religii ... conspiratzii ... control ... secret ...ma uit la un film documentar despre originile religiei, cum controleaza America puterea globala si metoda financiara de ... uof .... dupaia , bulversat si nervos ami deschid sezonul 5 din SouthPark ( miam amintit de un episod pe care lam sarit ) ...poate lam pastrat special pt ocazii confuze k aceasta ...ma dor oasele deatata ras si ma linistesc ...cuvinte vulgare ...oare sunt singura modalitate de "entertainment" care a ramas , care ne mai fac sa ne simtzim in felul acela ciudat si excitant chiar orgasmic ...sau poate am exagerat ...uof ... e greu ... iar ma doare capu ...creca o sa iau si un Redigest si un Colebil poate o sa le combin si cu un Dicarbocalm ...asa k sai multzumesc pe totzi ....
......................
uof ...acum ma doare stomacul ... oare ce sa iau ?

I will tell all my friends about http://evadezealot.blogspot.com today !

2008-03-04T07:02:00.001-08:00

Pentru fanii Futurama

2008-03-02T13:19:00.001-08:00

Futurama is an Emmy Award-winning animated American sitcom created by Matt Groening, and developed by Matt Groening and David X. Cohen for the Fox Network. The series follows the adventures of a former New York City pizza delivery boy Philip J. Fry after he is accidentally frozen, seconds after the start of a new millennium, on January 1, 2000 and is revived one thousand years in the future.

More info & images :
- Winkipedia
- ComedyCentral

Cele mai frumoase 10 drumuri din lume

2008-03-02T06:59:00.001-08:00

Ce este Succesul?

2008-03-02T06:47:00.001-08:00

Ce este succesul?
Ar fi posibil să întreb 1000 de oameni şi să primesc 1000 de răspunsuri diferite. Gallup a făcut un studiu şi a cerut celor chestionaţi să definească succesul. Răspunsurile au fost împărţite în 12 categorii, dar pe primul loc s-a aflat ''sănătatea''. Cincizeci şi opt la sută au considerat că înainte de orice se află sănătatea. Acum, a fi sănătos este o binecuvântare, dar înseamnă aceasta succes? Eu cred că cei mai mulţi dintre oameni descrie succesul cam aşa:

t Averea lui Bil Gates.

t Fizicul lui Arnold Schwartzeneger sau Cindy Crawford.

t Inteligenţa lui Albert Einstein.

t Abilitatea atletică a lui Michael Jordan.

t Îndrăzneala în afaceri a lui Donald Trump.

t Eleganţa şi echilibrul interior al lui Jackie Kennedy.

t Imaginaţia lui Walt Disney.

t Inima Maicii Terezia.

CONCEPŢII GREŞITE DESPRE SUCCES

1) BOGĂŢIE: ''Doar un pic mai mult'' a fost răspunsul dat de John. D Rockefeller când a fost întrebat câţi bani îi erau de ajuns. Regele Solomon spunea ''Cine iubeşte argintul, nu se satură niciodată de argint, şi cine iubeşte bogăţia multă, nu trage folos din ea'' (Eclesiastul 5:10). Bogăţia şi tot ceea ce aduce ea este, în cel mai bun caz, trecătoare. Citiţi ce s-a întâmplat cu aceşti oameni renumiţi pentru bogăţia şi puterea lor, care s-au întâlnit 1923 în Chicago, Ilinois: Charles Schwab, preşedintele celei mai mari companii producătoare de oţel, a murit falit. Richard Whitney, preşedintele bursei de mărfuri din New York, a murit imediat după ce a fost eliberat din închisoare. Jess Livermore, marele ''speculant la bursă' din Wall Streat s-a sinucis; la fel au făcut şi Leon Fraser, preşedinte de bancă şi Ivar Kreuger, capul celui mai mare monopol mondial.

2) FERICIRE: Donald Trump a spus: ''Cunosc o mulţime de oameni care nu au atât de mulţi bani ca mine, dar care sunt mult mai fericiţi. De aceea aş spune că ei, probabil, au mai mult succes''. Înseamnă fericirea succes? Continua căutare a fericirii este un prim motiv pentru care oamenii nu sunt fericiţi. Te afli în permanenţă ca deasupra unui tăvălug care se roteşte.

3) AVERI: Mi-am dat seama că având cea mai bună bicicletă, fiind proprietarul unei case, conducând o maşină drăguţă, jucând golf cu cele mai noi crose, în cel mai bun caz, toate acestea îmi oferă satisfacţii temporare.

4) PUTERE: Abraham Lincoln a spus: ''Dacă doreşti să testezi caracterul unei persoane, dă-i putere''. Puterea

nu este nici pozitivă, nici negativă. Nu înseamnă succes. În plus, toţi dictatorii, în cele din urmă pierd puterea.

5) REALIZĂRI: Mulţi oameni consideră că dacă vor ajunge într-o anumită poziţie, dacă îşi împlinesc un ţel sau

dacă au o relaţie cu persoana potrivită, ei vor avea succes. Este ceea ce se numeşte o gândire de tipul ''când şi atunci'' sau ''boala destinaţiei''.

Îmi place definiţia pe care o dă John Maxwell. ''Succes înseamnă: să şti că ai un scop în viaţă, să creşti pentru a ajunge la potenţialul tău maxim şi să semeni seminţe, de care să beneficieze ceilalţi''...

Credetzi altfel ? ... va las sa dezbatetzi ...

Cum sa devii bucurestean - sfaturi practice

2008-03-02T06:37:00.000-08:00

Masina

Daca ai masina, trebuie sa inveti sa o conduci ca un bucurestean. In momentul in care te urci la volan, trebuie sa uiti tot ce ai invatat la scoala de soferi (daca ai facut-o). Numai fraierii conduc ca la carte.

In practica, regulile se modifica dupa cum urmeaza:

Oprirea si stationarea

Poti sa opresti unde vrei si sa stationezi cit vrei, cu conditia sa:

a) nu fie vreun politist prin apropriere

b) sa pui luminile de avarie, daca ai chef. Daca nu ai chef, se tine cont numai de punctul anterior.

Atunci cind vrei sa stationezi in dreptul statiilor mijloacelor de transport in comun, pui masina pe trotuar, chiar in statie, in asa fel incit sa nu incomodezi respectivele mijloace de transport ci numai pe calatorii care
le asteapta.

Parcarea se executa tinind cont de urmatoarele reguli:

1) Daca exista o parcare fara plata cu locuri libere chiar in fata locului in care vrei sa ajungi, parcheaza acolo. Daca nu, aplica punctul 2.

2) Daca exista o parcare *cu plata* si cu locuri libere chiar in fata locului unde vrei sa intri, ignor-o si aplica punctul 3.

3) Daca nu exista o parcare sau in cazul de la punctul 2, parcheaza masina pe trotuar. Parcarea pe trotuar fa-o in asa fel incit sa se ocupe toata latimea trotuarului si pietonii sa fie nevoiti sa coboare pe partea
carosabila sau sa se subtieze ca foaia de hirtie, intre masina si zid.

In caz ca dintr-un motiv sau altul, nu poti sa parchezi pe trotuar aplica punctul 4.

4) Daca exista un loc de parcare linga trotuar - paralel cu bordura, opreste, stationeaza si/sau parcheaza cit mai departe de bordura, daca se poate, perpendicular pe axul bordurii, in asa fel incit masinile care
circula pe partea carosabila sa aiba prilejul sa iti ocoloeasca masina intrind pe contrasens. Este de preferat sa parchezi cit mai aproape de coltul strazii. In cazul in care nu mai e loc linga bordura, aplica punctul 5

5) Parcheaza in paralel cu masinile deja parcate linga bordura.

6) In cazul in care nu te afli in nici una din descrise anterior, parcheaza in fata intrarii intr-un garaj, linga un stilp cu oprirea interzisa sau oriunde altundeva. Dupa ce parchezi, trage frina de mina si pune alarma.

Regleaza-ti alarma in asa fel incit sa urle la trecerea oricarui pieton pe linga masina. Sirena va trebui sa sune nu mai putin de 15 minute.Efectul este mai distractiv daca te afli intr-o zona rezidentiala mai linistita.

Prioritatea

1. In Bucuresti exista urmatoarele tipuri de prioritate:

a) prioritatea de dreapta (optionala) - se aplica numai in cazul in care tu esti cel care vine din dreapta

b) prioritate de tramvai

c) prioritate de camion

d) prioritate de taxi

e) prioritate de smecher. Prioritatea de smecher se obtine prin unul din procedeele "ia-i fata", "baga-te cu tupeu", "taie-i calea" si "ia mai da-l dracu', ca n-o sa stau aici toata ziua". Pietonii NU au prioritate niciodata. Daca in timp ce conduci vezi o femeie ca trece strada prin fata ta, scoate capul pe geam si urla: "faaaaaaa, asta calca, nu f***!". Tipa isi va da seama de greseala si iti va multumi ca ai facut-o atenta iar colegii tai de drum vor crede ca esti spiritual si amuzant.

Pe drumurile publice

Daca vrei sa fii un bucurestean veritabil trebuie sa tii cont de urmatoarele recomandari privind circulatia pe drumurile publice:

- Semnificatia culorilor semaforului: verde - treci fara probleme, galben: repede ca se pune rosu, rosu: repede, ca e ultima sansa pina sa le dea drumul celorlalti.

- Daca este coada la stop si un sir lung de masini, iti recomanda tehnica "sirului shuntat". In acest scop, mergi pe contrasens pe toata lungimea cozii de masini, pina ajungi la stop si apoi in virtutea prioritatii de
smecher (vezi si punctul anterior) reintri in coloana, pe pole position.

- Daca te afli pe pole position la stop, in secunda in care apare culoarea verde, trebuie sa apesi pe claxon, cit mai lung si mai insistent, pentru a-l zori pe mocaitul din fata. Un claxon viguros este expresia unei
personalitati puternice deci, nu ezita!.

- Daca esti prima masina de la stop si cineva te claxoneaza imediat cum se pune verde, opreste motorul, ia-ti bita de baseball (obligatorie, se tine sub scaun), da-te jos din masina, du-te la cel care te-a claxonat si
sparge-i fata.

- Pe timp de noapte circula obligatoriu cu faza lunga. Poti folosi faza lunga si ziua, atunci cind mergi cu viteza.

- Daca circuli noaptea si o masina vine din fata cu faza lunga, baga-i si tu faza lunga in fata, de citeva ori, intermitent. Farurile cu halogen dau efecte atat distractive cat si psihedelice.

- Viteza maxima pe drumurile publice este data de o relatie direct proportionala cu urmatorii factori: muschii tai (Mt), marca masinii (Mm), patratul locului prin care circuli (L, cu atat mai mare cu cat mergi prin comune), puterea masinii pe care o conduci (P) si numarul de masini (Nm) aflate in trafic v=Mt*Mm*L^2*P*Nm, pentru prietenii nostri fizicieni).

Daca inaintea ta se afla cineva cu o masina care merge mai incet claxoneaza-l si baga-i faza lunga in ochi: sa se duca dracului acasa daca nu are masina si merge ca mortu'. Folositi claxonul cit mai mult, mai nervos si in mai multe tonalitati. Injura cu sete. Arata-i degetul mijlociu. Intai mana stanga, apoi ambele - in Bucuresti se poate conduce tinand volanul cu genunchii.

- Daca nu stii sa injuri, nu esti sofer. Daca nu stii sa injuri 20 de minute in sir fara sa te repeti, nu esti sofer bucurestean.

- Cind ploua, va puteti face ziua mai vesela trecind in viteza cu masina prin baltoace in asa fel incit sa improscati cit mai multi pietoni, sau unul dar bine. Daca improscati pietoni aflati in travesare regulamentara pe zebra, obtineti un bonus de stil.

- Dupa ce goliti sticla de suc, aruncati-o pe fereastra pentru ca ocupa prea mult loc in masina. Acelasi lucru este valabil si pentru mucurile de tigari, PET-uri sau sticlele de Gambrinus.

Alte sfaturi pentru conducatorii auto

Daca aveti masina noua, straina, trebuie sa asculati muzica romaneasca dind boxele la maxim si deschizind ferestrele masinii, in asa fel incit, pe de o parte sa poata asculta si ceilalti CD-ul dvs. cu Adrian Copiulul Minune si Blondy, iar pe de alta parte sa va puteti da mare.

Daca masina este romaneasca, decorati-o pe dinauntru cu mileuri, franjuri, fanioane de fotbal, carnetele cu coperti cu femei etc. Un CD atirnat de oglinda retrovizoare este culmea rafinamentului. Daca nu va permiteti CD-uri, o pereche de zaruri mari da la fel de bine.

Sfaturi pentru pietoni

- Cind mergi pe strada ignora toate cosurile de gunoi. E treaba primariei sa mature pe jos, si cum aia tot stau degeaba, nu e cazul sa iti faci probleme sa arunci pe jos tigara, sticla goala de cola, inghetata, sau macar biletul de autobuz (daca esti atat de fraier incat sa-ti cumperi).

- Ia-ti un pumn de seminte (bucurestenii adora semintele) si maninca-le pestrada sau in parc. Scuipatul cojilor este o arta. O coaja de saminta poate fi scuipata alene, in sictir, sau cu putere, dinamic. Poti sa iti cooptezi prietenii si sa faceti concursuri si campionate de scuipat coji de seminte: proba de departare, de precizie, de risc (scuipat coji de seminte pe altii) etc.

- Daca nu ai seminte (se mai intimpla), poti sa scuipi pur si simplu. Nu uita sa horcaiesti inainte.

Intrucit in Bucuresti nu prea sint WC-uri publice, iar alea care sint,sint pe bani, poti sa te usurezi in orice gang, pe usa unei masini (vezi si Parcare, punctul 3), pe un gard de santier. Darca ai convingeri ecologice poti sa iti dai drumul pe un copac sau, in parc, dupa niste boscheti.Totusi, nici un loc nu e mai placut si mai confortabil ca o scara de bloc -un spatiu ideal pentru satisfacerea presantelor tale necesitati
fiziologice.

- Atunci cind iti scoti ciinele la plimbare, convinge-l sa faca pipilica pe usa vecinului si cacalica in fata ferestrei lui, pe trotuar. Daca stai intr-un cartier cu blocuri, convinge-l sa faca pe masina celui de
deasupra, care te-a inundat asta vara.

- Daca mergi si vezi in fata ta o masina parcata pe trotuar (vezisituatia de la Parcare, punctul 3) treci printre ea si zid si plimba-ti cheia pe toata lungimea ei. Daca vrei doar sa il atentionez politicos pe
proprietar, rupe-i, sau macar strimba-i oglinda de pe partea ta.

- Strada se traverseaza oricum si oriunde, totul e sa tii ochii inchisi.

- Pe drumurile publice tu ai intotdeauna prioritate, ca aia cu masina ajung oricum mai repede unde au nevoie.

- Daca esti femeie poti face un gest de curtoazie atunci cind treci strada
prin mijlocul traficului si sa schitezi alergatul. In acest scop, fa citiva pasi saltareti in directia de mers.

- Daca esti licean, unul dintre cele mai amuzante sporturi este mersul in grup cu prietenii pe strada. Puteti practica astfel sporturi ca: rasturnatul cosurilor de gunoi, degajatul burlanelor, fluieratul dupa femei si
caftitul fraierilor. Pentru o definitie a notiunii de fraier consulta versurile trupelor de Hip-Hop.

Fetele: mod de folosire

2008-03-02T06:31:00.001-08:00

Aceste mici fiinte sunt atat de complicate, sexi dar si crude, fermecatoare si in acelasi timp periculoase! Va prezint cele 6 legi de baza ale comportamentului feminin ca sa nu riscati sa fiti trimisi la plimbare scurt si concis de catre aceste ciudate obiecte ale dorintei voastre...

Aparentele inseala

Blue-jeans mulati pe coapse, bustiera pana deasupra buricului si inelus in buric: exact ce cautai! Dupa cum arata e clar ca nu este o mironosita... Dar, vai! Daca vei trage asemenea concluzii pripite, ai sa ramai cu ochii in soare! O fata care se imbraca sexy nu o face neaparat ca sa atraga privirile tipilor; ea vrea mai degraba sa se simta tare pe pozitie.

Imaginea de "femeie fatala" le face pe fete sa se simta "adevarate"... si de cele mai multe ori, vazandu-le atat de "femei", nu ai spune ca inca mai dorm noaptea cu ursuletul de plus in pat! Chiar daca si-au ales panoplia de seducatoare gandindu-se la noi, baietii, asta nu inseamna ca sunt gata sa dea ascultare la toate propunerile care ar veni din partea voastra. Fetelor le place sa trezeasca dorinta in baieti, sa-si testeze astfel puterea pe care o au asupra sexului numit "tare" si se pare ca de cele mai multe ori se multumesc doar cu atat. Asa ca baieti, nu vindeti pielea ursului din padure...

Abordati-le finut

Cand va place o fata, nu va napustiti pe ea, strigandu-i "Te vreau!". Si totusi, aceasta este de cele mai multe ori impresia pe care o lasati fetelor atunci cand incercati sa "micsorati distanta". Lipsa de subtilitate si de rafinament: iata ce va reproseaza fetele. Pe scurt, ele va considera ca din topor! Nu sunteti adeptii cuvintelor tandre, ai declaratiilor de dragoste, serioase si grave? Pacat, pentru ca fetele adora cuvintele... Si asta nu de azi de ieri. La gradinita, fetele incep sa vorbeasca inaintea baietilor. Si de atunci, ele tot vorbesc... Ele pot vorbi despre orice, gasesc cuvinte ca sa-si exprime emotiile, sentimentele, isi povestesc viata, in acest domeniu ele detin recorduri mondiale! Deci, le-ar place sa le raspundeti cu aceeasi moneda. De ce nu incercati? In scris v-ar fi poate mai usor. Pe cand prima scrisoare de dragoste?

Riscul unor indoieli

Credeti ca fetele vorbesc o alta limba decat noi? Asa s-ar parea! Ele va lasa sa intelegeti ca sunt de acord, iar cand vreti sa treceti la actiune, va fac "knock-out"... Nu aruncati cu piatra: nu va aflati in fata unor machiaveli in fusta, hotarati sa se joace de-a "uite popa, nu e popa". Va aflati pur si simplu in fata unor tinere, care nu stiu intotdeauna clar ce vor si care le sunt dorintele, niste fiinte plapande, prada indoielilor. Fetelor le este si mai greu decat baietilor sa se inteleaga, sa se regaseasca pe ele insele. Mai mature decat voi (chiar daca va este greu sa acceptati, aceasta este realitatea) insa in acelasi timp mult mai supravegheate de parinti, ele sunt impartite intre nevoia de a-si lua "zborul" din sanul familiei si dificultatea de a se elibera.

Ele tatoneaza, bajbaie... servindu-se cateodata de baieti si de relatiile de dragoste pentru a-si ascuti gherutele! Fara ranchiuna, sunt in legitima aparare!

Respectati modul de functionare

Ei bine, fetele nu functioneaza ca voi, baietii, si asta trebuie sa va intre bine in cap! Pentru voi, baietii, dorinta sexuala este pe primul plan intr-o relatie cu o fata. Cauza? Testosteronul, hormonul dorintei, este de douazeci de ori mai crescut la baieti fata de fete.

Si pentru prietenele voastre se pune problema sexualitatii... insa ea nu se numara printre prioritati. Pe primul loc se afla sentimentele si tandretea. Asa ca potriviti-va lungimea de unda! Nu este o rusine sa fii tandru si atent, ba acesta poate fi chiar un atu. Fetele prefera fara doar si poate sa iasa cu un baiat cald, bland si respectuos, decat cu un Gigi duru', plin de muschi si cu creierul lejer. Ele nu dau doi bani pe genul macho, insa se topesc cand vad un baiat nu prea sigur pe el, o idee timid si care mai si roseste cateodata...

Sigur de iubirea ta

Dupa ce i-ati castigat inima alesei voastre, va trebui sa stiti sa o si pastrati. Iar drumul nu este intotdeauna bun! Primele certuri intre indragostiti apar intotdeauna din acelasi motiv: prietenii tai. Ea ii considera niste invadatori. Tu o consideri atunci intoleranta, posesiva. Ea ar vrea sa-si petreaca tot timpul cu tine. Iar tu ai cateodata chef sa fii sigur cu prietenii. Ea se simte frustrata ca nu inseamna "totul" pentru tine. Tu te simti sufocat. Ea iti reproseaza ca nu o iubesti destul. Tu ai impresia ca ea te iubeste un pic cam mult! Altfel spus, nu sunteti pe aceeasi lungime de unda...

Pentru a putea sa risipesti aceste neintelegeri - si sa poti continua sa iesi din cand in cand singur cu amicii fara a provoca o drama - incearca sa devii putin psiholog. Iubita ta are pur si simplu nevoie sa fie sigura ca o iubesti. Gaseste-ti timp sa-i spui ca o iubesti, la nevoie chiar sa-i repeti ca esti indragostit de ea. In ceea ce te priveste pe tine, esti sigur ca ea te iubeste. Ea insa are nvoie foarte des sa auda aceste cuvinte!

Gandeste-te bine inainte sa semnezi

Nu este atat de simplu sa treci de la un flirt la o poveste serioasa, mai ales pentru noi, baietii. Se spune ca va este teama de responsabilitati, de pierderea libertatii... si nu suntem prea departe de adevar! In aceasta privinta, fetele sunt mereu cu un pas inaintea noastra. Dorinta aceasta de stabilitate, de a construi ceva care mai tarziu va putea purta numele de familie, exista la cele mai multe fete si o poarta cu ele intr-un coltisor din inima lor, chiar daca nu sunt intotdeauna constiente de acest lucru. Cu tine, insa, lucrurile stau putin mai altfel... Asa ca inainte de a-i promite marea cu sarea, asteapta sa simti ca poti "duce" responsabilitatea unei vieti in doi. Impartind impreuna toate bucuriile... dar si neajunsurile.

Homer Simpson Quotes

2008-03-01T03:59:00.000-08:00

'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own.

Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done.

The strong must protect the sweet.

Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.

I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight.

Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say... This stinks!

D'oh!!!

Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them. (to aliens who abducted Simpson family)

I like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals flaming.

The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.

I think the saddest day of my life was when I realised I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.

And there's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned.

Being popular is the most important thing in the world!

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

Trying is the first step towards failure.

America's health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, ... well all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway?

Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.

I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!

Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.

Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"

Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).
Homer Simpson

Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!

Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!

Good drink... good meat... good God, let's eat!

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

God bless those pagans.

I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!

I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

Mmmm, free goo.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

Now go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, someday, you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations: You may outsmart someone!

I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.

Lord help me, I'm just not that bright.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close.

Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face, I don't care who I have to fight, I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!

If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!

Unlike most of you, I am not a nut.

Safety? But sir! If truth be known, I actually caused more accidents around here than any other employee, including a few doozies no one every found out about.

No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed.

Simpson-Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree....D'oh!" (sung to the air of Flintstones theme song)

Ignore the boy, Lord.

Dear Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my French... but they act like savages! Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did... You're everywhere, You're omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why did You spite me with this family?

You know Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, `Homer, you're a big disappointment', and God bless her soul, she was really onto something.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!!!

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.

Don't worry, son. I'm sure he's up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities: John Dilinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph Stalin. (on death of cat).

And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems.

I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

If this were really a nuclear war we'd all be dead meat by now.

Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours.

Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow.

And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die.

When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters always want'n more... more... MORE! And if you give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return.

Don't you ever, EVER talk that way about television.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the bible.

Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.

No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

I have feelings too - like ''My stomach hurts'' or ''I'm going crazy!'

Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.

Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me!"

Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory.

You think I don't want to? It's those TV networks, Marge: they won't let me. One quality show after another, each one fresher and more brilliant than the last. If they only stumbled once, just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves, but they won't! They won't let me live!

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want to live, Marge! Won't you let me live?

I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

Lisa honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?

All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?

You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.

Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.

English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.

I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh, goodnight.

It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.

Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle.

OK, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I'LL KILL YOU!

Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?

Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers.

No! No no no no no no! Well, yes.

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will.

Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!

They have the Internet on computers, now?

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces...I just know they're about to jab me with something.

Son, this is the only time I'm ever gonna say this. It is not okay to lose.

Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing.

Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.

If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers.

Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. In a giant blender.

I'm not normally a religious man, but... if you're up there, save me, Superman!

Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day, and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

Bart Simpson Quotes

2008-03-01T03:52:00.000-08:00

I'm Bart Simpson, who the Hell are you?

Don't have a cow, man.

Eat my shorts.

I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!

Kiss you? But Dad, I'm your kid!

Cool, I broke his brain!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures.

What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?"

Well, you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.

All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale.

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.

Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.

I can't stand to see you so upset, Lis, unless it's from a rubber spider down your dress - Hmm, that gives me an idea note for later: put rubber spider down Lisa's dress.

No, he's pretty dumb. He's in all the same special classes I am.

Dad, thanks to TV,' I can't remember what happened 8 minutes ago. No, really, it's a serious problem. Ha, ha, ha! What're we laughing about?

What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it.

I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!

What a day, eh Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them - as is my understanding.

Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.